After a year of No S-ing I still have a couple of failure days every month-and when I say failure,I mean FAILURE.All out binge fest!I think the problem is that I need very strict rules, and 99% of the time I have no problem sticking to them as I am very disciplined. However,on the rare occassion that I do break a rule, I seem to lose all control!
For example,yesterday (Friday,N day for me!) I had my normal lunch at the restaurant at work,which was a very substantial salad with lots of protein and cheese etc. Normally it sustains me perfectly well for 6-7 hours until dinner.But yesterday,having finished my salad I decided that I REALLY wanted some of the lovely butternut squash soup they were serving. So I had some which was of course a failure in No S terms as it was seconds. Anyway I felt a little bit guilty,but I got over it."Mark it and move on".
I fully intended to stick to No S rules for the rest of the day,but when I was making dinner something at the back of my mind told me "Well you have failed today anyway,so why not make the most of it and turn this into a spectacular failure day?!"So I gave into it and had lots of fruit before dinner,then ate a massive meal and then carried on snacking on cheese and fruit all evening as well.I really overdid it! I actually had to go lie down because my stomach was so stuffed!
Now this doesn't happen very often but I would like to get it under control.So I had an idea for a "mod". I have already decided to have S Events as opposed to S Days-so I allow myself one S on sunday and one on saturday.If I have more than one S,then I don't beat myself up over it,it's just something to aim for.I know I cant fail on an S Day.This has been working well for the last few weeks.
Since I hardly ever take non wknd s days,I thought it might be an idea to allow myself say 2 additional non wknd S Events per months.So if I do randomly decide to have seconds at lunch one day,I will just deem that one of my two non wknd S events for that month.This way failure is controlled and not catastrophic because I know it's just one event so I can't turn the whole day into an eating fest! What do you think?
Controlled Failure Events
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
I think whatever helps you to "mark it and move on" is good.
It took me a long time not to turn a failure into a "spectacular failure," as you termed it, and I still regard turning that corner as a HUGE accomplishment! I remember a discussion where we talked about that issue. Someone said "It's like saying, I dinged my car, so now I'll just drive it off the cliff. Hey, it's already damaged, right?" That made me laugh, but also stuck... No more "wrecking the care" after a little "ding"!
And the truth is the initial slip is usually not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. What does the damage is the sense of defeat, the inability to "brush off the crumbs and climb back on the wagon."
It's a fine balance to BOTH acknowledge "this was out of bounds" AND not allow it to throw you. For me, I want to deny small failures completely, but that's a slippery slope of its own. So, it's essential to find ways to keep your balance between the two.
You'll know if it's right for you if it works. Try it, and set a date to review it and adjust if needed.
One more idea... I keep a "non-idiotic S" habitcal, in addition to my regular one. I only use it on non-green days, either S days or Red Days. Then it's like a traffic light, with green being "reasonable," yellow "borderline" and red "over the top - behavior I want to stop". I can't remember who came up with this idea, but I found it really helpful. It lets me see that my red on my main calendar was a one-time thing (because it's green on the "non-idiot" calender") versus an out-and-out binge. It's sort of like a safety net, and gives me a back-up goal to not make the day completely red.
(Good grief, I just reread this.... I should have put a "mangled metaphor alert" at the beginning of this post! Hope it makes sense anyway.)
It took me a long time not to turn a failure into a "spectacular failure," as you termed it, and I still regard turning that corner as a HUGE accomplishment! I remember a discussion where we talked about that issue. Someone said "It's like saying, I dinged my car, so now I'll just drive it off the cliff. Hey, it's already damaged, right?" That made me laugh, but also stuck... No more "wrecking the care" after a little "ding"!
And the truth is the initial slip is usually not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. What does the damage is the sense of defeat, the inability to "brush off the crumbs and climb back on the wagon."
It's a fine balance to BOTH acknowledge "this was out of bounds" AND not allow it to throw you. For me, I want to deny small failures completely, but that's a slippery slope of its own. So, it's essential to find ways to keep your balance between the two.
You'll know if it's right for you if it works. Try it, and set a date to review it and adjust if needed.
One more idea... I keep a "non-idiotic S" habitcal, in addition to my regular one. I only use it on non-green days, either S days or Red Days. Then it's like a traffic light, with green being "reasonable," yellow "borderline" and red "over the top - behavior I want to stop". I can't remember who came up with this idea, but I found it really helpful. It lets me see that my red on my main calendar was a one-time thing (because it's green on the "non-idiot" calender") versus an out-and-out binge. It's sort of like a safety net, and gives me a back-up goal to not make the day completely red.
(Good grief, I just reread this.... I should have put a "mangled metaphor alert" at the beginning of this post! Hope it makes sense anyway.)
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gratefuldeb67
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good luck with this! i think that when you have a failure, and then think, "well if i failed why not just give up all together and eat whatever and however much now, that i want" is a kind of "self punishment" really... not just "giving in"... you don't wanna punish yourself.. if you have a failure, just try very hard to catch yourself, make a mental note that it's happening, and then applaud yourself for stopping where you did... it's extremely hard to do this, so im not trying to say that it's not gonna take a lot of effort, but you will feel so amazing afterward.
look how kccc described it.. it is really a *huge* accomplishment.
you will feel so in control and you'll be stopping that vicious cycle and instead creating a new "happy" cycle
debs
look how kccc described it.. it is really a *huge* accomplishment.
you will feel so in control and you'll be stopping that vicious cycle and instead creating a new "happy" cycle
debsThere is no Wisdom greater than Kindness
It sounds like another version of what I do, except that I don't routinely take the weekend days anymore.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
I wonder, what the need is that triggers the initial choice to step away from the rules? Did you simply need more food that day? Did you need to assert your autonomy to choose to break the rules from time to time? Were you feeling pressure from acquaintances?
And I also wonder how these binge days affect you... Does it change your weight loss/maintenance?
If these are just occasional slip ups, even if they're dramatic, it might be fine just to get over yourself and move on If you're judging yourself really harshly or if these slip ups are discouraging your weight loss, it might help to look into the triggers when you plan your response. For example, I had two consecutive dramatic failure days that I later realized went with some major stress and fighting off illness. Understanding my challenges better let me both be kind to myself and respond differently when similar circumstances came up again later.
Good luck!
And I also wonder how these binge days affect you... Does it change your weight loss/maintenance?
If these are just occasional slip ups, even if they're dramatic, it might be fine just to get over yourself and move on
If you're judging yourself really harshly or if these slip ups are discouraging your weight loss, it might help to look into the triggers when you plan your response. For example, I had two consecutive dramatic failure days that I later realized went with some major stress and fighting off illness. Understanding my challenges better let me both be kind to myself and respond differently when similar circumstances came up again later.Good luck!
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clarinetgal
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I think that's a very good point and you are absolutely right-I need to address the cause,not the effect!audiomama wrote:I wonder, what the need is that triggers the initial choice to step away from the rules? Did you simply need more food that day? Did you need to assert your autonomy to choose to break the rules from time to time? Were you feeling pressure from acquaintances?
And I also wonder how these binge days affect you... Does it change your weight loss/maintenance?
If these are just occasional slip ups, even if they're dramatic, it might be fine just to get over yourself and move on
Good luck!
The fact is, I think this occassional rebellion occurs because I simply push myself too hard and set myself very high expectations.I am like that when it comes to everything in life but with regard to diet/fitness in particular-I have never been overweight-all of this is about pure vanity and a quest for perfection. I am 5ft 5,127lbs and 14% body fat and I am generally happy with the way I look-it took a lot of hard work,dieting,working out in the gym every day with really high intensity combined with, over the last few months,intermittent fasting,which has been amazing for getting rid of those last few pounds.However I still want to lose that annoying last 1/2 inch of fat around my stomach.Why?Because I want well defined abs.I like the way it looks and I have set myself a goal.I actually think it's more about the challenge than vanity. Now I know I am too hard on myself-maybe it's because I am less than happy in some other areas of my life and this is my way of exerting control,I don't know. But that's me and I don't think I am going to change any time soon!Wow,that was deep!
Just read a new post on Brad Pilon's blog that resonated with me-maybe it is ok to lose control now and again,just to give yourself a break and get back on track...
http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/cheat-days/
http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/cheat-days/
Haven't read the article yet, but that's what S days are for.OT wrote:Just read a new post on Brad Pilon's blog that resonated with me-maybe it is ok to lose control now and again,just to give yourself a break and get back on track...
http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/cheat-days/
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
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leafy_greens
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clarinetgal
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OT, I totally identify with your post. I'm at the point where I've lost almost all of the weight I gained during my pregnancy (52 pounds!), and I look pretty good and don't 'need' to lose any more weight, but I also want more defined abs. There's a part of me that enjoys focusing on my eating and fitness for the challenge of it. I've also had too many times where I've eaten well all week and totally blown it over the weekends. I'm now working on allowing msyelf treats over the weekend, but having it be much more controlled. I may still do the occasional splurge on the holidays, but I'm not going to splurge every weekend anymore.
leafy_greens- good luck! The most important thing is that you had a good time on holiday and enjoyed yourself-we all need a break now and again.The most important thing is that you realise that now your holiday is over and it's time to get back in control! You can do it! No S is not a diet,it's a lifestyle and you are in it for the long haul!
Congratulations on losing the baby weight-that is amazing,you should be so proud of yourself!clarinetgal wrote:OT, I totally identify with your post. I'm at the point where I've lost almost all of the weight I gained during my pregnancy (52 pounds!), and I look pretty good and don't 'need' to lose any more weight, but I also want more defined abs. There's a part of me that enjoys focusing on my eating and fitness for the challenge of it. I've also had too many times where I've eaten well all week and totally blown it over the weekends. I'm now working on allowing msyelf treats over the weekend, but having it be much more controlled. I may still do the occasional splurge on the holidays, but I'm not going to splurge every weekend anymore.
I am glad you can relate to what I was saying! It's just so hard to get that last stubborn bit of fat off isn't it! Moderate eating and exercise just won't cut it anymore and one excessive S Day can offset a whole week of hard work!
I tried having unlimited S Days for months but I was still eating way too much.Healthy stuff,just SO much of it. Now I just want to make sure that on S Days I have only what I really want-not eat mindlessly just because I can.
Basically I now aim for every S Day to be like a slightly relaxed N Day-so I stick with my 3 meal structure but I allow myself just that little bit more.Sweets and snacks have never been a problem for me-I regularly practice intermittent fasting so I can go for hours and hours without food.Hunger is not a problem.My problem is that once I do start eating I can't stop! I think I would only feel full if I actually ate a whole horse...and a bucket of fruit salad for dessert! So the No Seconds rule has always been my biggest problem.
I now have it more or less under control on N Days but on S Days I can really go crazy if I allow it!
On a slightly different note,i was in a bookshop earlier and I bought Mindless Eating-it will be an interesting read I am sure!
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clarinetgal
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