NoS and the family

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating

Post Reply
paprad
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 7:07 am
Location: india

NoS and the family

Post by paprad » Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:59 am

I thought I would face some resistance from my family (which doesn't have the obesity problem that I do) but it so happened that my husband was advised to let go of a 3-4 kg of extra weight (yes, that's all. I hate him. :) ) and my son's last pediatric check up (he's 12) suggested he was putting weight at an unhealthy rate. Both of them enthusiastically joined me on NoS and I am grateful because it has made it easier for me to stick to NoS - at least I don't need to watch them bingeing on food when I can't. For my son, I didn't want him to become a weight-obsessed child and also, this is his growing phase, so NoS was only adapted to avoid snacks and sweets on N days - he is allowed to eat as much as he wants at the 3 meals - and he has adapted amazingly well. Instead of a huge snack when he comes from school which then delayed dinner, he either has milk and then a pretty early dinner - or as yesterday, he ate dinner immediately. He is still very amused about the whole thing and I am not sure how long he will sustain it. But I am hopeful of good habits. My husband has adapted so well that he deters me from giving in on the odd occassion when my body screams out for a snack or a sweet - and he is such a chocoholic, I am inspired by his will power. (I wonder if those with less to lose probably have even more will power because the goalpost is so closeby?).

The one person who is not happy about this is my mother (and so will my mother in law protest, when she finds out). Both of them live to feed to the family and my mother made unhappy noises about a forthcoming visit - "you're on diet, what's the point, what will you eat" - but I hope when she sees I am feeling healthier this way she will understand.

How has NoS impacted your family?
getting there

ShannahR
Posts: 314
Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 3:51 pm

Post by ShannahR » Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:43 pm

Eventhough its just me and my fiance I think we've both been affected for the better. After seeing my success with No S my fiance decided to try it too. Unfortunately, he hasn't had much success because he has some adherence problems :roll: Turns out I'm much more disciplined than him--even though I feel bad about it, it's nice that I'm having an easier time losing weight than him for a change!

Paprad--I must admit that I'm having the same problem with my mother as you are! She calls my new eating patterns "that crazy diet." Which is ironic because she did Atkins for 2 years--if that's not a crazy diet, then what is?
This version of myself is not permanent, tomorrow I will be different. --BEP
Image

User avatar
sophiasapientia
Posts: 919
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2008 3:09 am
Location: Michigan

Post by sophiasapientia » Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:23 pm

I'm the only one in my family who is doing No S, although my DH has lost 5 lbs without trying since I restarted in January ... He has really cut back on nighttime snacking so I'm guessing this is why. :wink:

My slender 7 year old does typically have a small, healthy afternoon snack (technically could be considered a planned 4th mini meal, I guess) and both DD & DH may have a sweet treat, like a small homemade cookie, in their lunch or after dinner some weekdays.
We continue to eat our meals together, at the table, whenever we are home and we put an end to permasnacking long before I discovered No S since, as a toddler, DD would fill up on snacks and not eat at mealtimes otherwise.

I can say that out of all of the various diets I've been on -- low carb for 2 years, calorie counting, Weight Watchers, etc -- No S is the only one that my DH genuinely likes. We are eating normal, yummy food. It isn't a big pain if we are guests at somebody else's home and the like. Nothing is forbidden and we have treats on a regular basis. I am modeling healthy habits that I feel good about passing down to my daughter ... and I can't really ask for more than that. :D :wink: 8)
Restarted No S (3rd times a charm!) January 2010 at 145 lbs

audiomama
Posts: 30
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 2:45 am

Post by audiomama » Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:13 pm

sophiasapientia wrote:I am modeling healthy habits that I feel good about passing down to my daughter
:D

leafy_greens
Posts: 426
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:18 pm

Post by leafy_greens » Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:59 pm

You all are lucky - my boyfriend is a natural No S'er and never craves anything - I really hate him sometimes! When I had to explain I was "going on" No S he was like "what's the big deal? Why is it so hard for you to eat 3 meals and no sweets?" :evil: It's really hard to feel support from someone who doesn't understand the struggle.

OT
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu May 06, 2010 6:48 pm
Location: UK

Post by OT » Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:05 pm

My boyfriend is a permasnacker-skips breakfast,picks at the contents of his lunch box all morning at work, eats chocolate bars 10 mins before dinner because he is "starving" and can't wait for a few minutes and then it's coffee and biscuits in the evening in front of the TV.He is pretty athletic but he is starting to develop a bit of a beer belly(which he gets reminded of every time he is seen mindlessly gobbling chocolate bars and biscuits, rest assured!). I know I should just let him be but I can't help being openly critical about his poor eating habits,it drives me insane!

So it can be quite hard to maintain my 3 meal structure when we are spending the day together.Weekdays aren't a problem-I have breakfast when it suits me,then lunch at work and we have dinner in the evenings together.However on holidays for example,he is quite happy to skip breakfast because he can always grab a snack 2 hrs later.Whilst I have to know exactly when I will be eating because I know I can't just grab a random snack when I feel like it.This is less of a problem now that I am fasting regularly-I can always just skip a meal if I need to and it doesn't bother me.However when I started No S I HAD to have my 3 meals so I had to stand my ground and insist on some kind of structured eating.It's so important to have your other half/family on board.

wosnes
Posts: 4168
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:38 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Post by wosnes » Wed Jun 09, 2010 1:42 am

leafy_greens wrote:You all are lucky - my boyfriend is a natural No S'er and never craves anything - I really hate him sometimes! When I had to explain I was "going on" No S he was like "what's the big deal? Why is it so hard for you to eat 3 meals and no sweets?" :evil: It's really hard to feel support from someone who doesn't understand the struggle.
Why are you looking for support from someone who doesn't understand the struggle? Look at him as a role model.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."

oolala53
Posts: 10069
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:07 am

Prapad, what exactly is your mother's criticism of No S? Are family occasions all day eating affairs? Are sweets mandatory? You can eat anything except sweets on N days, just as long as they're eaten at meals, unless you are adding rules. But those are yours, not No S's. I think this is one of the most liberal eating plans I've encountered, so much so that some wouldn't even call it a diet. In any case, I hope you can get away with it without attracting too much attention.

Anyway, I'm single with no children, so it hasn't impacted my "family". With friends and my sister's family whom I share food with sometimes, it's hardly noticeable. Before the meal, if there are appetizers, I either decide to virtual plate the meal or I say, "I'm saving my appetite for the meal." When I finish my plate, and others offer more, I just say, "Gosh, that looks good. I wish I was still hungry!" Then I change the subject.

Remember, thin people refuse food or don't finish ALL THE TIME.

Glad to hear families are being positively impacted. They need it! And this is sane!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

paprad
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 7:07 am
Location: india

Post by paprad » Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:03 am

oolala53 wrote:Prapad, what exactly is your mother's criticism of No S? Are family occasions all day eating affairs? Are sweets mandatory? You can eat anything except sweets on N days, just as long as they're eaten at meals, unless you are adding rules. But those are yours, not No S's. I think this is one of the most liberal eating plans I've encountered, so much so that some wouldn't even call it a diet. In any case, I hope you can get away with it without attracting too much attention.
My mother is just opposed to any form of caloric restriction. She is a fab cook and loves having family over so that she can produce all the family favourites. They are not all day eating affairs as such, but she will cook up a storm of fried savories and sinfully rich sweets that work well to sabotage any "No Snacks/Sweets" rule - and when I refuse she will move from persuasive charm to looking hurt, all of which is quite tough to withstand and makes me look like I am being unnecessarily cussed. Then, the "No Seconds" rule will make her see red because she will not understand why I am not eating more. She does want to see me thinner and fitter, but there is a basic dichotomy in that she feels I should do it on "my own time" and not "spoil" our time together with dieting. Earlier I could get away because my husband and son would be eating all her stuff - but now there is that added complication!! I think if I could show her some results in getting thinner, it might help but I am still to lose any weight so there is that factor too.
getting there

OT
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu May 06, 2010 6:48 pm
Location: UK

Post by OT » Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:41 am

I think at the end of the day what it comes down to is that it's YOUR life and YOUR body-YOU decide what you put into it. Ok so sometimes your decision to stick to YOUR rules when it comes to YOUR food habits might mean you will hurt/offend someone but come on, there are worse things in life!I am sure the person in question will get over it,whether you choose to explain your decision or not! Stand your ground and say NO if you want to,don't let other people influence you and emotionally blackmail you! Be headstong!

kccc
Posts: 3957
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:12 am

Post by kccc » Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:44 pm

paprad wrote: - and when I refuse she will move from persuasive charm to looking hurt, all of which is quite tough to withstand and makes me look like I am being unnecessarily cussed. Then, the "No Seconds" rule will make her see red because she will not understand why I am not eating more. She does want to see me thinner and fitter, but there is a basic dichotomy in that she feels I should do it on "my own time" and not "spoil" our time together with dieting.
Paprad, I too have a "food is love" mom who tends toward passive-agressive manipulation (sometimes not that passive!). Oddly, we had fewer issues on No-S than anything else, because I mostly visit on weekends. But I'd managed to set some boundaries before that...

Here are some strategies that I used
1) Be very, very verbally appreciative of her effort and accomplishments. (That's easy if she is a good cook.) A lot of the reason she wants you to eat is for HER emotional benefit. Food is love. Try to give the love - lots of it - even when you refuse the food.
2) The broken-record technique. Find a polite phrase to refuse, and just repeat it in the same calm, even tone every time she tries to push food on you. SHE will end up looking "cussed" if she persists, because you're being good-natured and polite. ("That looks really good mom, but I'm just not hungry right now. Maybe later.")

The bottom line is that it is not good for either of you for YOU to eat to please HER. That's not healthy on a lot of levels. Setting boundaries will be hard, but ultimately worth it.

kccc
Posts: 3957
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:12 am

Post by kccc » Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:50 pm

More generally, impact on my own family... minimal. My husband and son still eat desserts, and I know my husband snacks at work. His body, and he's a grownup... I try to encourage without nagging by making the best lunches I can and helping him with exercise time. I do let my son have desserts, but generally don't offer snacks...though I know he gets them at school and summer camp. If he ASKS for a snack (on weekends), I offer fruit. That works - I keep stuff on hand that he likes.

The one thing is that we used to not be able to keep sweets in the house for long, because I'd eat them all up. I think my husband often felt that he didn't get "his share." That's reversed now... the first time I went looking for something that HE had eaten up, it was quite a change! (In his defense, I was looking for Easter candy about a month after.)

Now, the family tries to save me anything I express an interest in, and will let me have "extra" of a treat on a weekend because they know I won't be eating it later. Which is sweet, but not usually needed.

They do like that I bake more on weekends!

paprad
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 7:07 am
Location: india

Post by paprad » Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:14 pm

Thanks, all, for the mother-advice! I live in another city from my mum - once a year she comes and lives with us for 2 months and while I used to battle her "food is love" when it became oppressive, I fear I have sort of indulged her in the last couple of years since my dad died - she is lonely and I used to let her have her way in my kitchen, hoping she would gradually get out of this manic cooking/feeding frenzy. It is still her passion and I think it is great that she enjoys the cooking so much (she has the will to work on a dish umpteen times till she gets it just right) - I hate our time together to become a food-battlefield and if I could see her on weekends, the S days would be the solution (no "sometimes" on S days, though!) - however, I can foresee the problems over a 2 month period. I guess I just have to make her understand that I can eat anything during a meal with virtual plating, so I can taste everything she has made and the focus should be on taste, not on gluttony.
getting there

paprad
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 7:07 am
Location: india

Post by paprad » Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:17 pm

KCCC wrote: Food is love. Try to give the love - lots of it - even when you refuse the food.
Thanks KCCC - I think it has been easier for me to eat and indulge her than to work on the love minus the food element Something for me to think about.
getting there

oolala53
Posts: 10069
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:00 pm

Two months! That is a long time not to be the mistress of what you eat. Whew, I don't envy you. I've travelled in India and been around cultures and people who have higher expectations about parental influence well into adulthood. Not much support from anyone else gently trying to encourage her to back off, I bet, either.

I wonder what she would do if you were the one acting hurt because she kept trying to sabotage your desires... I don't recommend it, but it might be interesting to think about.

My mother and I were on very good terms when she died, but years earlier on one of her visits, I told her, after she complained about fingerprints on my kitchen cabinets, that I felt sometimes that nothing I did was ever good enough for her. She did not say one more critical thing that trip, but didn't withdraw, either. I give my mom a lot of credit.

Lastly, if you are not having any luck implementing No S to the letter or getting weight loss results, perhaps you can back off from No S while she's there. It's almost too bad that you even said it you were on a diet. Then you might be able to plead lack of appetite. Anyway, if you relax about it, but just keep insisting that you're too full to eat more even though the food is delicious, she might back off some and you might even end up eating less and starting to get results!

Well, this is all very personal. I wish you the best.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23

There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)

Post Reply