21 days and having a hard time

janieb · Post by **janieb** » Thu Dec 22, 2011 1:12 pm

Hi there. I haven't posted for a long time. I started No S a few years ago and kept it up on and off then fell away from it. But lately I've started up again and have done better than ever before-- 23 straight days without a failure!!

BUT somehow after reaching that magic 21 day mark, all my willpower seems to be crumbling. In the past week I've had 2 failures-- one was just a slip up but the other could easily go in the "idiotic" catagory. It hasn't been because of xmas parties or anything, just an uncontrolable feeling that I want to eat between meals, that I'm never really satisfied. It's not that I'm all that hungry, either, just gnawingly unsatisfied.

I guess I made 21 days my goal and was able to reach it on pure willpower, but any advice on how to perservere? Clearly this is not habit yet.... How long does it REALLY take for No S to become normal, not something that takes a lot of energy? All advice welcome

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:49 pm

I truly don't understand why people expect NOT to have problems and/or be perfect, especially early on. When you slip up, get back on track immediately. Don't stress over it.

Blithe Morning · Post by **Blithe Morning** » Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:45 pm

Don't feel bad. I think 21 days is a rule of thumb for very simple behaviors and not across the board applicable to every new habit we want to develop. When you consider how complex eating is as a behavior - influenced by brain chemistry, social cues, and culture - I don't think it's reasonable to expect perfect mastery in 21 days. 21 days is just a good goal to shoot for. When you think about all the rest of the days of your life, 21 is not so much.

Hang in there and don't give up.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Dec 23, 2011 5:16 am

The 21-day myth. Who started it? It's been disproved so many times for so many habits that I'm surprised it's still around. Do you know how many people stay on diets much longer to lose their weight and yet gain their weight back? 97%. If their new habits were ingrained, they'd all stay thin.

I know you want a clear number, but it's really so individual.

I'm guessing two things influence it a lot: how soon you just start accepting that this is how you eat, and how soon your weekends calm down. I think the first half will happen sooner if you can truly decide that this is one of the fairer, easier ways to curtail overeating without much more formality or complication. Or you could just get lucky and have the cravings go away.

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Dec 23, 2011 11:04 am

Remember, too, that hunger isn't an emergency. You're hungry. So what? It's just preparing you to be ready for the next meal.

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:15 pm

I am at the one year point and while the basic No S habits are pretty much second nature now, I am still on guard against relapsing. One year of new habits does not completely counteract 20-30 years of bad habits.

As I went through this past year, I found that each season brought new challenges. My hardest times were the family reunion weekend in the summer and the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend. These were opportunities for multiple days of family gatherings with lots of favorite foods available. I can get through single special days with controlled indulgence, but too many days in a row is a challenge.

The key is to not quit. Just do the best you can and move on.

janieb · Post by **janieb** » Sat Dec 24, 2011 8:18 am

Thanks for all the replies. I find it interesting that true hunger is easier to deal with than this gnawing mental hunger. With true hunger I can use a trick from my meditation practice, ask myself the question: Am I suffering? And the answer is always "no".

But mental hunger does feel like suffering. I guess it's my "soul" suffering, if that makes sense. In any case, it's clearly not about food.

It's also oddly encouraging that r. jean is at the 1 year mark and still has to watch it!

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Sat Dec 24, 2011 12:04 pm

good luck janie!!
don't beat yourself up please and just try to take one day at a time.
hugs!!

debs xx

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Sat Dec 24, 2011 12:32 pm

There are several of us who have been around much longer than one year. While the habits are definitely second nature, we all have to "watch it" at least occasionally. But I think that's normal. Probably the only thing we do routinely that we don't have to think about at all (unless there's a problem with it) is breathing!

I think people who think it becomes so second nature that you never have to think about it are those who don't do well with it over the long run.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:48 pm

I am two years into it, the strongest I've ever been. Yet yesterday when I was out shopping all kinds of memories of buying and overeating cookies, chocolate, etc. came back to me and I almost felt like I was supposed to be buying them. But there wasn't a lot of struggle. Then the thought came, I don't do that now. But the thought occurred.

Not be be morbid, but sometimes I'll have a thought that I have to tell my mom something, even though she's been dead of five years. It's just a fleeting thing, and it will surprise me because although I miss her and love her memory, I don't feel bad about her death a lot. But sometimes, I'll just forget for a second she's gone.

It takes a long time to forget we were overeaters, I think, esp. since we are wired to seek food and pleasure. Just keep with the habits.