Using No S to limit alcohol

[Happy Cooker]

A while ago someone posted a question here about using No S to drink less. I never saw a response to it. After a few recent experiences, it came to me that it was time to limit my alcohol intake. I was drinking both too often and too much at one time (contrary to Reinhard’s two-drink max), which I think in part accounts for my gradual, steady weight gain over the past year or so. Women metabolize alcohol differently from men, so what’s moderate for Reinhard is not necessarily for me. In any case, I sometimes drank more than that. I thought about quitting entirely but wasn’t sure that was necessary.
My working hypothesis now is to limit myself to a maximum of two drinks on at most two days per week. At two to three weeks into this new behavior, I’ve found that it’s been both really easy and surprisingly difficult. It does involve planning, more so than No S. But already I’ve felt some benefit.
I suspected that I was using alcohol to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions. Last week I saw an animal killed on the road. I was feeling especially happy right at that point; I’d just come from some volunteer work that always makes me feel good, and I’d been enjoying life and feeling thankful. The death sent me into a tailspin. First I was angry at the person who hit the turtle. Once I reasoned myself down from that, I still felt a sadness that ballooned through the afternoon, and reason wasn’t much help at that point. Before my new resolution, I’d have poured myself a glass of wine, rationalizing that I really needed this to deal with my emotional upset. Before No S, I’d probably have indulged with food, instead of or in addition to alcohol. But I held off long enough to recognize that my anger and sadness at this animal’s needless death had tapped into a reservoir of emotion that had little to do with the trigger. I did some journal writing about it, exercised, cooked and ate a normal meal, and did not drink. I did my best to stay with the feeling, holding the sadness in my mind and heart and not getting too caught up in analyzing it.
At some point I realized that this was the day before the anniversary of a traumatic event in my early childhood; some people think we have bodily memories of such things. Whether or not that was the source of the tremendous sadness, I honored the feeling. Next morning I woke up with the thought that I was getting in touch with my authentic self. I had done some important work simply by letting myself feel the emotion and not trying to mask it or distance myself from it.
I post this in the hope that others might find it useful. I'd also be interested to know if anyone else has used No S or habit training in a similar way.

[reinhard]

Is the issue that 2 drinks feels like too much, or that you are drinking more that 2 drinks too frequently? (or both)

If the former, one idea would be simply to lower the glass ceiling, either to a fixed 1 drink limit (might be tricky to comply with on special occasions) or to a viable height 1 drink on N-day, 2 on S-days limit.

Another idea, which I'm experimenting with now myself, is to keep the 2 drink limit as is, but to simply track the number of drinks daily in a spreadsheet along with a 7-day moving average. Although you technically could hit the limit every day and stay green, tracking the moving average exerts a gentle pressure for you to bring it down a bit. It introduces a (slight) cost for every drink, even under the limit.

If going over the limit is your issue, tracking the number is helpful there too, even more so, and something I've been doing for a long time, posting any overages to my daily checkin thread on this board. Gives an important incentive to counter the "what the hell?" effect and keep the failure from becoming a rout.

Reinhard

[finallyfull]

Happy Cooker -- I wanted to say: What a wonderful, wise post. I think you are on to the very heart of all mindless self-damage, which is basically a way to get away from discomfort, when, in fact, feeling those feelings is an important way to listen to ourselves. Congratulations on a small decision that opens up a window to a path toward a bigger, better, kinder, wiser life.

I was just going to write to compliment your funny username, but after I read your post I was really moved to sincerity.

[Happy Cooker]

Thanks, finallyfull and Reinhard.

The issue is drinking too much at once, as well as drinking out of habit and too often and to run away from discomfort rather than facing it; each is a problem at different times. Drinking moderately (two drinks max) only two days a week is letting me feel what it's like to be sober most of the time. Physically I seem to be able to handle two drinks with food and spread over time, not one after the other on an empty stomach. And though I may not have felt that drinking more than that in one evening is too much, my excess has worried some of my friends. I'll have to think through the penalizing idea, Reinhard; there are bound to be exceptions.

I suppose I could be fooling myself, but I don't think I'm a candidate for AA. It's more like I have to look at how and why I'm using alcohol and keep it from becoming a routine and a way of avoiding any sort of pain. In some ways, getting to moderation is the hardest thing of all, though as I've proved to my own satisfaction through 3 to 4 years of No S, it's very rewarding and soon becomes the new normal. That's why I decided to create my own structure and see how that works. I'm not limiting drinking to S-days, by the way.

Thanks for your replies, both of you, and thanks for keeping this anonymous discussion board up, Reinhard.

[Blithe Morning]

If it feels like too much, it's probably too much.

I generally limit wine to weekends or for evenings that I want to make a little celebratory for some reason. I don't drink every day. If every day is special, then no day is special. It's like self esteem trophies, too many and it stops meaning anything.

Self medicating habits, even if they don't make us dysfunctional, keep us from our best selves. All my best as you do this emotional homework. It will be worth the effort.

[oolala53]

I'm not always able to express myself as gently as I'd like to so if this is too much, I apologize.

I think the fact that it's bothering you is reason enough to go through this process of bringing attention to it. It's had a wonderful payoff already! And it doesn't hurt much to have less booze. I think you can get the same health benefits with grape juice, if it's a concern.

In the No S book somewhere, it says that using food for emotional relief is thought by those who often overeat as a good idea at the time, but that it is basically a bad idea. I'm not sure why the same advice doesn't apply to liquor. It seems to me that assuaging difficult circumstances is not a good reason to drink, when you really think about it! Just as with sweets, it should be saved for celebration. However, our culture supports both of these for this use, so it isn't as if it's going to stop tomorrow, and it really is up to the individual.

I have little attraction to alcohol and never thought of having a drink when I'm down even before I found I was in a high risk category for breast cancer and alcohol is contraindicated. I do have a drink a few times a year, but it is no trouble limiting myself. Not so with sweets.

Just reading this is making me realize again that I could afford to be even tougher on myself in my use of sweets and most likely to my advantage, though I've done a lot of work already looking at how I've used food to cover up emotions. But determining to just do something else, preferably life-affirming, is key, as you did with your time instead of drinking.

Kudos to you on examing this habit.

[Dale]

I've been drinking less since doing No S. I used to often have a glass of red wine in the evening. I initially intended to continue to do so on No S, but I found that it was making me peckish and I'd want to snack. I now only have alcohol on S days.

I think the alcohol I was drinking was added calories, in the sense that I wasn't eating less of anything else to allow for the alcohol calories. And on top of that, I felt that drinking alcohol increased my appetite. Nothing dramatic about a few extra calories and a slight appetite increase, but over time it adds up.

I do still have a glass or two of red wine on S days because there may be possible health benefits. But I do think that cutting out the alcohol during the week is one of the reasons that I'm losing weight now.

[JayEll]

Reinhard, the thing about your tracking and spreadsheet idea is that it's "accounting," right? Only instead of counting calories it's drinks?

I can see using a calendar for tracking days on habit, but I just wonder whether the need to count drinks on paper isn't a little retro...

In my case, one drink always led to another, in spite of any method I attempted to impose. For me, the answer was no drinks.

[r.jean]

We all have times of stress. There is good stress (a new baby, a wedding, a celebration of any sort, a vacation) or bad stress. We all self medicate or self comfort at times with food or alcohol or caffeine or cigarettes or whatever. This is normal. What is not normal is when this behavior is happening daily or even weekly or when the behavior is inherently unhealthy.

For quite awhile, I was using food daily as a comfort. It was not working. When I regulated my food with No S I found I was drinking a little more often (not more per day but more days per week). Currently I just try to stick with the 2 drink ceiling, but I do occasionally exceed it.

[reinhard]

Reinhard, the thing about your tracking and spreadsheet idea is that it's "accounting," right? Only instead of counting calories it's drinks?

It is. But it's a rather easy form of accounting. It involves only math my four year old could do (or you're drinking WAY too much!).

That being said, any accounting represents a cost. I'm experimenting now to determine whether the cost of even this minimal accounting is worth it. So far so good, but it'll take me a few more months or years to make a more confident pronouncement -- tracking always seems fun for the first few weeks.

Reinhard

[reinhard]

Also, there is some everyday systems precedent for minimal tracking: the habitcal. I like to think of this as closer to the habitcal than to calorie counting with its tables and absurd precision. The habitcal tracks 3 values (red, yellow, green) and drink counting (if you're good!) counts no more more (0,1,2). If you're bad, alas, and have to count higher, that's part of the punishment.

But "no drinks" is also a very good, simple (can't get simpler than 0!), and perhaps necessary solution for many. I don't want for a second to tempt anyone would would be better off with that.

Reinhard

[Happy Cooker]

I appreciate all the replies (and you were not harsh, oolala). Already I seem to be getting better at dealing with life without a daily drink or two. I expect the effort required to stick with my deal with myself will vary as time goes on, but so far, so good.

My head's clearer and I feel younger. I didn't start drinking regularly till I was past 35, so it's taking me back to my youth. My motto right now is "no more drinking out of joyless habit." There's no downside to it.

I can see where penalizing slip-ups might come in: I may go to a wine dinner next week, with a different wine with each of four courses. Unless I only drink a half glass of each wine (tough to do), I'll go over my self-imposed limit. Well, I can eat a reasonable amount of food at a buffet, so I should be able to do this.

[vmsurbat]

I can see where penalizing slip-ups might come in: I may go to a wine dinner next week, with a different wine with each of four courses. Unless I only drink a half glass of each wine (tough to do), I'll go over my self-imposed limit. Well, I can eat a reasonable amount of food at a buffet, so I should be able to do this.

Have you been to a wine dinner before? I have, to several, and because there IS a new wine served with each course, full glasses were not served, 1/2-3/4 max, sometimes even less (for a super expensive dessert wine). . Of course, YMMV, but that has been my experience. Have fun!

[jenna]

[ KICK ]

[JayEll]

Somebody kick jenna off here!