After a while you start to wonder if you might as well throw in the towel and accept the fact that you are addicted to food and can't win this battle. Well, after about 25 years of struggling I did just that......
For the past three months, I have made a point to eat WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT. I disregarded any concern over quality or quantity of my food. I went into this "little experiment" 30 lbs. over my desired weight. You'd think after the food fest I've had I'd be heavier. Nope!! I've actually maintained my weight this entire time, and at one time LOST a pound or two?!?! And I don't exercise either. (Weird, huh?)
I thought to myself that the freedom of for once in my life NOT obsessing about food 24/7 was a good trade-off for being 30 lbs. overweight. And with no limitations on when and what I could eat, after awhile the "forbidden fruit" wouldn't be so crazy appealing and maybe I could finally grasp some kind of control. This way of eating felt really great.....for awhile anyway.....
I am not surprised with the other findings of my free-for-all diet. The usual......lack of energy....feeling "gross" with my appearance, and out of shape, blah, blah, blah. But you know how it is.....the "rush" of a gooey, chocolately brownie trumps those feelings every time and makes you forget about it......for awhile.....and then when those feelings return you just reach for the next gooey, chocolately brownie....and so the vicious cycle continues. Like that alcoholic that is disgusted with himself but can't quite put down that drink.
And most obviously, this method of eating CAN'T be good for your overall health. My body is probably SCREAMING for a more balanced diet. My last physical was perfect, but keep up this way of eating, it's like I'm just asking for it.
And one more thing..........I read in one of my many self-help books on the topic, that someone had tried this.....eating whatever they wanted.....and she finally got to the point that she didn't crave the junk as much and it evened out for her. Not so for me. However, she didn't feel that way until after SIX months later (and 10 lbs. heavier). I don't think I'm willing to go that far with it. She did go on to shed the weight but still struggles.
Unfortunately, I have absolutely NO appetite for healthy food anymore. I think all of my years of cramming down the fruits and veggies has turned me off of that stuff for good.
So, in a very LONG round-about way I come back to my original question----------- Is it hopeless? I know people who have been struggling with this for 40 years or more. What a waste of time and energy! I feel like the poor hamster who is on that dang wheel in his cage, anxiously running with all his might but never getting anywhere. How exhausting!
I know all of the usual encouragements....."hang in there"...."it just takes time"......"try taking away one thing at a time"......"just use moderation"....."try taking up a new hobby to busy yourself".....yada, yada, yada. But after what seems like my 165th attempt at dieting, I evidently do not have those abilities. Just trying to diet always ends up feeling like I'm on an out-of-control rollercoaster........and I hate rollercoasters. It obviously works for many - look at all the success stories. That's the little carrot dangling in front of me that makes me never give up that hope that someday I'll finally get this under control. But will that day EVER come????
Am I the only one out there who feels like this? Ugh!!!
Is it hopeless?
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
I've been through long periods of eating what I wanted. I was lucky enough to be one of those people who never seemed to put on weight when I was younger. Then when I did put on weight and I was having problems with diets, I decided to just eat normally and see what happened.
I think it was "healthy" mentally, and certainly cured some of the problems I'd been having with dieting (verging on an eating disorder). Weight-wise, I either put on weight or stayed the same weight. Healthy-eating wise, yes, I did have an appetite for "healthy" food as well as "unhealthy" food. Although I ate what I liked, I didn't go overboard. Pastry was only a very occasional treat, for instance.
To be honest, if I could have maintained my weight at 30lb above my starting weight doing that, I'd probably have carried on, and just concentrated on getting fit as well. The trouble was that my weight had settled at about 100lb above my start weight, and I worried about the health effects and the fact that it made it more difficult for me to exercise. I'm not sure what I'd do in your position - whether it's best to aim to be healthy at your current weight if you can "naturally" maintain that, or whether you upset that balance to get down to a lower weight and potentially have to diet for the rest of your life. I suspect it would be the former for me - take up some exercise, and try to eat the occasional bit of fruit or veg in a way I found acceptable
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I think it was "healthy" mentally, and certainly cured some of the problems I'd been having with dieting (verging on an eating disorder). Weight-wise, I either put on weight or stayed the same weight. Healthy-eating wise, yes, I did have an appetite for "healthy" food as well as "unhealthy" food. Although I ate what I liked, I didn't go overboard. Pastry was only a very occasional treat, for instance.
To be honest, if I could have maintained my weight at 30lb above my starting weight doing that, I'd probably have carried on, and just concentrated on getting fit as well. The trouble was that my weight had settled at about 100lb above my start weight, and I worried about the health effects and the fact that it made it more difficult for me to exercise. I'm not sure what I'd do in your position - whether it's best to aim to be healthy at your current weight if you can "naturally" maintain that, or whether you upset that balance to get down to a lower weight and potentially have to diet for the rest of your life. I suspect it would be the former for me - take up some exercise, and try to eat the occasional bit of fruit or veg in a way I found acceptable
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M's sick of dieting
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:36 pm
- Location: Saginaw MI
I know all to well what your feeling. My Husband once told me I'm addicted to dieting. But now I can't stick to anything more then a day or 2. A most recent attempt was weight watchers I ate really well, I watched my points, drank my water, jogged a few days a week and on weigh-in day I had stayed the same:( its like I loose the wind in my sails, what's the point? I could sit on the couch and eat what I want and stay the same!!! I've also lost some weight on a diet that I couldnt do forever so like the rest of the 90% of people who diet I gained it all back and was mad at myself. But if you loose weight by doing something you cant stick to forever, your just setting yourself up to fail. So for me I'm trying to focus on forever habits I think 3 meals of anything I want sounds pretty good after a lifetime of dieting. I'm not even sure when I'm gonna weigh myself again as the scale has the ability to ruin my day.
As far as you not liking fruit and veggies anymore, that's from dieting. Although brownies are delicious, they won't be on such a pedestal once you've given yourself permission to eat them. When we diet we tell ourselves were not eating that, when the diet doesn't work for what ever reason we say to hell with it gimme brownies! I honest to goodness believe that dieting has made me 30lbs over weight. Focus on eating habits and try not to focus on food. You'll feel better, hope you have a good day and good luck:)
As far as you not liking fruit and veggies anymore, that's from dieting. Although brownies are delicious, they won't be on such a pedestal once you've given yourself permission to eat them. When we diet we tell ourselves were not eating that, when the diet doesn't work for what ever reason we say to hell with it gimme brownies! I honest to goodness believe that dieting has made me 30lbs over weight. Focus on eating habits and try not to focus on food. You'll feel better, hope you have a good day and good luck:)
I'm going to preface what I say with this: everything you describe about yourself is only true up to now. So what you haven't been able to do so far is not proof of what you can do at a later time.
You aren't willing to give it six more months? Do you really have much of a choice?
Actually I believe when you are at the point you are, where absolutely any restrictions sound like a terrible punishment, you might as well NOT impose anything on yourself, at least temporarily. I went through a similar period not long before I finally committed to No S. I just quit trying, but I had already gone through several periods of eating what I wanted, so I was already good at it! And I, too, didn't naturally curtail my eating. In fact, I gained, so consider yourself lucky to have maintained. But I don't believe you will stay there because I doubt you actually feel very good a lot of the time and other factors will come to the fore.
So, yes, I say do throw in the towel for another month at least. That is not being defeatist. It's just being real. It doesn't mean you're done forever at all.
In the meantime, contemplate these findings on stages of change from researchers Stanton Peele and Archie Brodsky, who found that the majority of people who quit drugs and alcohol do it on their own. (Their findings certianly dovetail Reinhard's observation that it just doesn't have to be a big affair to eat moderately.) I've changed a few words to make it more applicable. Anything in parentheses is my words.
You become convinced that an activity or involvement violates important values. (such as self-concept. Can I really be a person who gets most of her pleasure from eating? Can I really not tolerate some feelings of frustration, anxiety, and discomfort to forgo SOME food SOME of the time? Is there really nothing else I'm willing to do with my time than overeat a lot or worry about it? But if I don't have the strength now, no big woop.)
You develop alternative rewards that are more meaningful than those of the habit.
You rely on friends, family and groups (not necessarily those who are also users) to help support the change in behavior. This might be just by providing alternate activities to engage in, not by their policing you.)
You arrange your life so that you get better rewards from not overeating than you used to get from overeating.
You avoid situations and ways of thinking that provoke relapse. (Obviously easier for drug addicts, since locations and situations are more restricted; for overeating, the thinking would play a bigger role.)
You eventually develop a new self-image, a view of yourself as a former overeater.
They find individuals have their own timetables on this, of course. But they also think you can speed the process up some by paying more attention to your whole life and getting more involved in other areas, but it sounds like that is a bust for your right now, too.
I feel for ya, my friend! I don't know what is going to galvanize you. I know for myself it was because I had grappled with the issue since I was in my late teens and binged for 38 years. I saw that if I didn't do something, I was going to live my last decades on this earth caught by food and it finally got scary enough. I didn't really care if I lost weight. (I have lost as much as you want to, but over 28 months.) I couldn't stand the image of myself as a person whom food controlled. I just knew my life on earth wasn't supposed to be spent eating too much and worrying about it nor alternately giving up all enjoyment of food. I knew I couldn't be peaceful accepting overeating, especially refined sugary food. And I already had a general idea that in life, for most things, enough is better than more than enough. There had to be a better way and No S has been it. But it wasn't all over in a few months. And I'm not saying life is a picnic. It's just that food is not the issue now.
You may reach a point where you suddenly get your mojo or it may evolve. But I really believe the real decisions are made in the cold, calm moments and not the ones where we feel the most tortured. I hope you get there soon.
You aren't willing to give it six more months? Do you really have much of a choice?
Actually I believe when you are at the point you are, where absolutely any restrictions sound like a terrible punishment, you might as well NOT impose anything on yourself, at least temporarily. I went through a similar period not long before I finally committed to No S. I just quit trying, but I had already gone through several periods of eating what I wanted, so I was already good at it! And I, too, didn't naturally curtail my eating. In fact, I gained, so consider yourself lucky to have maintained. But I don't believe you will stay there because I doubt you actually feel very good a lot of the time and other factors will come to the fore.
So, yes, I say do throw in the towel for another month at least. That is not being defeatist. It's just being real. It doesn't mean you're done forever at all.
In the meantime, contemplate these findings on stages of change from researchers Stanton Peele and Archie Brodsky, who found that the majority of people who quit drugs and alcohol do it on their own. (Their findings certianly dovetail Reinhard's observation that it just doesn't have to be a big affair to eat moderately.) I've changed a few words to make it more applicable. Anything in parentheses is my words.
You become convinced that an activity or involvement violates important values. (such as self-concept. Can I really be a person who gets most of her pleasure from eating? Can I really not tolerate some feelings of frustration, anxiety, and discomfort to forgo SOME food SOME of the time? Is there really nothing else I'm willing to do with my time than overeat a lot or worry about it? But if I don't have the strength now, no big woop.)
You develop alternative rewards that are more meaningful than those of the habit.
You rely on friends, family and groups (not necessarily those who are also users) to help support the change in behavior. This might be just by providing alternate activities to engage in, not by their policing you.)
You arrange your life so that you get better rewards from not overeating than you used to get from overeating.
You avoid situations and ways of thinking that provoke relapse. (Obviously easier for drug addicts, since locations and situations are more restricted; for overeating, the thinking would play a bigger role.)
You eventually develop a new self-image, a view of yourself as a former overeater.
They find individuals have their own timetables on this, of course. But they also think you can speed the process up some by paying more attention to your whole life and getting more involved in other areas, but it sounds like that is a bust for your right now, too.
I feel for ya, my friend! I don't know what is going to galvanize you. I know for myself it was because I had grappled with the issue since I was in my late teens and binged for 38 years. I saw that if I didn't do something, I was going to live my last decades on this earth caught by food and it finally got scary enough. I didn't really care if I lost weight. (I have lost as much as you want to, but over 28 months.) I couldn't stand the image of myself as a person whom food controlled. I just knew my life on earth wasn't supposed to be spent eating too much and worrying about it nor alternately giving up all enjoyment of food. I knew I couldn't be peaceful accepting overeating, especially refined sugary food. And I already had a general idea that in life, for most things, enough is better than more than enough. There had to be a better way and No S has been it. But it wasn't all over in a few months. And I'm not saying life is a picnic. It's just that food is not the issue now.
You may reach a point where you suddenly get your mojo or it may evolve. But I really believe the real decisions are made in the cold, calm moments and not the ones where we feel the most tortured. I hope you get there soon.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
I want to add that for me taking away the forbiddenness of food did not remove the compulsion to eat it. I gave myself permission and I overate them for years, to the tune of whole pans of brownies (if they even got baked) and half gallons of ice cream, etc. over and over and over. That does work for some people but for those it doesn't work for, it can be a painful idea to be told. When the rotten effects of overeating them became more obvious and wearing than the pleasure of their taste and feel in my mouth, and I DID put some effort into shifting my attention from one to the other, I was able to reduce responding to the urges as often. But that took a long time, too.
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
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Nicest of the Damned
- Posts: 719
- Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:26 pm
I had given up on dieting or eating healthy for 10 years when I started No S. I had bought into all-or-nothing thinking about eating healthy- either you keep food journals, count calories, fat grams, or carbs, and never eat anything remotely unhealthy, or you might as well do nothing and just eat what you want, when you want, as much as you want. I couldn't do the former for more than a few days at a time, so I did the latter.
It was not easy doing No S after eating what I wanted for so long. I was hungry and I resented not being able to eat as much as I wanted at meals. I resented the hell out of it.
Don't worry about not liking healthy foods. You can lose weight and be healthier without eating healthier foods, just eating more appropriate amounts of the foods you do eat:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/tw ... index.html
Yes, you can. You'll be healthier than you are now if you keep eating what you are eating now, just eat less of it.
You might not be as healthy as you'd be if you ate healthier foods, but you can't make yourself do that. That's an unrealistic expectation for you right now, and unrealistic expectations very rarely do anything more than discourage people. That's the same kind of all-or-nothing thinking that kept me fat for ten years. You're saying that if you can't eat fruits and vegetables, you might as well not make any effort to make changes to your diet. I was saying that if I couldn't keep food journals, count calories, and give up all unhealthy foods, I might as well not make any effort. You see the similarity?
It was not easy doing No S after eating what I wanted for so long. I was hungry and I resented not being able to eat as much as I wanted at meals. I resented the hell out of it.
Don't worry about not liking healthy foods. You can lose weight and be healthier without eating healthier foods, just eating more appropriate amounts of the foods you do eat:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/tw ... index.html
Yes, you can. You'll be healthier than you are now if you keep eating what you are eating now, just eat less of it.
You might not be as healthy as you'd be if you ate healthier foods, but you can't make yourself do that. That's an unrealistic expectation for you right now, and unrealistic expectations very rarely do anything more than discourage people. That's the same kind of all-or-nothing thinking that kept me fat for ten years. You're saying that if you can't eat fruits and vegetables, you might as well not make any effort to make changes to your diet. I was saying that if I couldn't keep food journals, count calories, and give up all unhealthy foods, I might as well not make any effort. You see the similarity?
I don't think it's hopeless. I have never dieted before so eating whatever, whenever was a habit of 29 years in the making when I started, and it's taken me about 18 months to get to the point on NoS where I am actually starting to lose a bit of weight. It's taken me a few tries to get my N days mostly green rather than fails almost every week... for most of that 18 months when I was failing every week at least once, and never losing weight, what kept me going was that I was at least maintaining and eating healthier than I was when not paying any attention whatsoever.
If it helps, I don't eat very healthily. I often eat very carby and fatty foods, don't get my 5 a day in, still eat takeaways during the week sometimes and don't have breakfast - I'm not perfect at NoS by any means! I think it's slowly getting better, but I don't think I'll ever be in a place where I can eat all home cooked meals involving lots of 'healthy' stuff. I'm ok with that! If it means never being a size 10 then fine, I'm also ok with that!
Losing weight is hard. It sucks. It's so much more difficult than slowly piling on the pounds year after year. I think I'll always have to pay some attention to what I eat, forever. But you know, that's ok. I want to be healthier, I hope to be slimmer, and even if I don't achieve either of those things I really don't want to get bigger and unhealthier!! SIx months may seem like a long time but lets be realistic, it takes years to gain weight and your habits have been there for years. It's not hopeless, it's just hard. Only you can decide if you are willing to give it another go, just know that there is a forum full of people to support you if you want to
I re-read the NoS book the other day, and part of it mentions that people on average fail something like 10 or 12 times when they are trying to change a behaviour. I think Reinhard sees failing as 'getting another one under your belt' before you can move on to the time that it's a success
If it helps, I don't eat very healthily. I often eat very carby and fatty foods, don't get my 5 a day in, still eat takeaways during the week sometimes and don't have breakfast - I'm not perfect at NoS by any means! I think it's slowly getting better, but I don't think I'll ever be in a place where I can eat all home cooked meals involving lots of 'healthy' stuff. I'm ok with that! If it means never being a size 10 then fine, I'm also ok with that!
Losing weight is hard. It sucks. It's so much more difficult than slowly piling on the pounds year after year. I think I'll always have to pay some attention to what I eat, forever. But you know, that's ok. I want to be healthier, I hope to be slimmer, and even if I don't achieve either of those things I really don't want to get bigger and unhealthier!! SIx months may seem like a long time but lets be realistic, it takes years to gain weight and your habits have been there for years. It's not hopeless, it's just hard. Only you can decide if you are willing to give it another go, just know that there is a forum full of people to support you if you want to
I re-read the NoS book the other day, and part of it mentions that people on average fail something like 10 or 12 times when they are trying to change a behaviour. I think Reinhard sees failing as 'getting another one under your belt' before you can move on to the time that it's a success
After reading all of your wonderful replies, I ask myself, "why did I ever leave this place??" It's so nice to hear how others "get" what it's like to struggle with this seemingly easy task. (I'm surrounded by people who just don't get it - very annoying by the way.) I feel better just reading your comments/advice.
I think this was the little jumpstart I needed to start moving in the right direction.
There are several things in my life that trigger me to overeat time and time again that, unfortunately, are unchangeable. However, I've decided to work on the things that I CAN change that are sure to make a difference in my outlook and hopefully give me somewhat of a chance in making some progress with this.
Having three meals a day and one 4:00 snack will be my ultimate goal, but that will be a long-time coming. Right now I'll just focus on slowly attempting to bring some sane eating into the picture. Baby steps.
Thanks again to you all - your replies were very much appreciated!
It's so nice to hear how others "get" what it's like to struggle with this seemingly easy task. (I'm surrounded by people who just don't get it - very annoying by the way.) I feel better just reading your comments/advice.I think this was the little jumpstart I needed to start moving in the right direction.
There are several things in my life that trigger me to overeat time and time again that, unfortunately, are unchangeable. However, I've decided to work on the things that I CAN change that are sure to make a difference in my outlook and hopefully give me somewhat of a chance in making some progress with this.
Having three meals a day and one 4:00 snack will be my ultimate goal, but that will be a long-time coming. Right now I'll just focus on slowly attempting to bring some sane eating into the picture. Baby steps.
Thanks again to you all - your replies were very much appreciated!