Everyday Systems

The last time I logged in here was May of 2010. Just a couple months after that time, I found out I was pregnant again. I had my sweet little guy in early 2011, but unfortunately, I've spent all of the time since feeling miserable about my weight.

I've been impatient to lose and in my impatience did some ridiculous things. The worst of all was HCG. From that literal starvation diet, I developed anxiety, panic attacks and started bingeing like nobody's business. I've been reading some books about disordered eating and also emotional health and it all led me back here to find balance and sanity. I started today and I feel better already. It's amazing how setting that boundary of not eating outside of meals has actually made it so I'm *not* ravenous all day long. I've been quite comfortable, not panicking about my next snack or imagining I'm going to waste away without some food in my mouth. Just goes to show how much of that is mental and not physical.

We have a beach vacation coming up in a few months and I was feeling so much pressure to "get back" to my thinner self. I finally realized how destructive that was--the pressure to do something mostly impossible, all for vanity's sake. (I would like to lose 30 lbs.) I knew I'd hit rock bottom when I decided I don't care what I look like, I just care that I can feel better, in control and not be so unhappy all the time. I know that's all my family cares about and wants, not for me to be skinny in my swimsuit (at least not in 2 1/2 mths )

So, I'm glad to be back

Welcome back! I also gave birth to a sweet little boy in 2011, and I have about the same amount of weight to lose. No S is definitely the sanest way to eat.

Congratulations! NoS is sane normal eating... and I bet you see results if you stick to it. Welcome back

Losing weight for events may have success, but it hasn't been shown to lead to permanent reductions in eating. If anything, after the event, most people rebound. Steady, consistent habits really do win out.

I gently suggest you keep trying to keep your attention on how much better you feel and not what you look like. Really, if we didn't have mirrors or photographs, our internal state would be the only way we'd have any experience of our bodies. When it comes right down to how people close to us feel about us, our bodies are a minor point. I was thinking about that today regarding a colleague of mine who is a little chunky. I realized it would never occur to me to like her more if she was thinner. It's so immaterial. The feelings we have about media images of beauty is just a mirage yet in modern times, because of the onslaught, we subconsciously think we have to try to match the professional beauties. Yet some of them don't feel any better about themselves than us plain Janes. Once again, it really is an inside job.

Thanks for the welcome Oolala53, I completely agree about just feeling healthy in mind and body. That truly is where I've landed because I am so enormously tired of focusing on dieting for the sake of being a certain size.

In my reading and from visiting with my doctor (a wonderful integrative physician), I learned that low calorie diets can literally starve our brains. The lack of sufficient amino acids lead to low levels of seratonin, for example, and that exacerbates the cycle of self-hatred dieters feel. I've certainly felt it since the birth of my baby (postpartum hormones certainly didn't help my situation!) but I'm excited to put the NoS piece of the puzzle together with everything else I've learned.