Everyday Systems

When I told my husband (unemployed programmer/engineer) about Everyday Systems, his response was, "like, duh."

I'm not an engineer, but I sure would like to know why, after 40 years of trying to deal with an addiction, I feel closer to success doing dumb things like No S and HabitCal than ever before, but I think in order to succeed I essentially will be making all days into N days.

A relative had an alcohol problem similar to Reinhard's and quit using roughly the same method. I still don't think that anyone who can deal with an addiction in moderation is an addict, a hardcore. I approach my first S weekend with great trepidation.

I'm wondering if there are any statistics on how many people have succeeded and maintained with No S or any other habit modification here over a long period of time, like, say, a year.

f

Think carefully about skipping s-days. They're actually important. It's too hard to live No-S all the time with no release. If you set expectations too high, you ensure failure. If PERFECT N-days don't result in weight loss over time, then (and only then) consider tweaking.

On statistics...I've been doing No-S longer than a year. I didn't come to lose weight (I'd lost through WW... twice!...but couldn't maintain on it.) I'm maintaining in healthy BMI range (though I have some "vanity pounds" I'd love to shed).

The biggest thing I've lost is daily anxiety and stress over food. And THAT'S priceless.

And of course, check out the testimonials page.

I'm with KCCC -- don't drop all the S-days. It's a pleasing, empowering thing to have restraint throughout the week, but going 7 N-days sounds like an endless grind on a very dull treadmill. At least keep the window open a crack at the weekend.

fkwan,

You need S-days or you'll crack.

I would recommend starting with completely free S-days (and proactive rewards) and seeing what happens.

IF, after a few weeks of good literal compliance with the rules, you feel your S-days need tightening up, there are a number of things you can do without completely abandoning them. You can give yourself ONE S-event per S-day, for example, instead of having no limit. Or you can keep no limits, but vow to count or log all S-events in the hope that the pressure (and tedium) of "negative tracking" will keep you reasonably in line. Or you can do one of the above, but only on ordinary weekends and minor holidays, and keep major holidays (capital S-days) completely free as before. There is a cost to all these tweaks in the feeling of freedom. But they're all much better than getting rid of S-days entirely.

Reinhard

Here's my take on this. I've been thinking about the how and why of the Everyday Systems approach for quite a while now and I think I get it. But note that these are only my observations and opinions, not Reinhard's and not a doctor's, just me.

The systems used here are deceptively simple. I think the book This Year I Will... talks about the fact that habit is a muscle. People think about habits as vertical stovepipes, each its own separate thing: I smoke, I drink, I eat too much, I don't exercise, etc. But the truth is that there is a horizontal cross-cutting concern there that we call "habit". It's just a concept for how your brain creates new pathways to handle new behaviors, and reinforces old pathways because they "work", from the body's point of view if not in actual reality.

So what happens is, when you exercise self-control in any ONE habit, you are strengthening your self-control in ALL habits. This was a PROFOUND thing for me to discover, and it explains why martial artists can have such self-discipline. They discipline themselves to perform physical moves over and over and over and over and over, all the while exercising the habit "muscle" that is used to regulate their other daily habits as well. Because of that they are able to be more in control of their everyday life.

Here's a ridiculous ASCII art diagram that I hope will come through properly:
I like to visualize the above diagram as a glass, or a bar-chart, or whatever works for you. Just imagine each day you work the habit muscle, regardless of what you do, it gets a little bigger and therefore the bad habits get a little bit smaller. Kind of a nice way to end the day and say "My habit tank is getting bigger" or something equally stupid and silly and completely motivational. Kind of like this:
Regarding S-days, however you decide to handle it I think one of the biggest aspects of all of these systems is GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO RELAX. Life isn't about being perfect 100% of the time, 24/7/365. Even Reinhard says he has off-days, though he is so locked-in on his routines now that they are rare. My thought is that if you don't at least give yourself permission to have one or two days a week where you can indulge at least a small amount, you will view ANY indulgence as a failure and therefore be more likely to abandon the system because you "keep failing". By saying "I'm only going to do a little on the weekend" or whatever days you set up, you are giving yourself the room to BE HUMAN.

Life IS about being able to make a mistake, fall off the bike, then get right back on the damn bike and keep going. I once read a book by an Army guy who had to hike 50+ miles one day for a test with heavy rocks in his pack. He said it came down to putting one foot in front of the other, one at a time, and not worrying about the rest of it, just make ONE MORE STEP. At the time I could barely run half a mile, but I forced myself to think like that for a few weeks and now I can run a few 5ks every week.

Every Monday morning you get back on the damn bike and keep going. But this is a CONTROLLED situation, not a failure, so it is UNDER YOUR CONTROL. All it takes is enough motivation to focus on the process when temptation strikes, and removing yourself from whatever the temptation is, whether physically moving or simply doing something else for a while.

Just my thoughts, anyway.