Everyday Systems

Finally gets it's own page:

http://everydaysystems.com/glassceiling

I actually wrote most of this page over a year ago, but then decided against pushing it out because I didn't want to give a crutch to serious alcoholics. But it's been such an effective system for me (and I did have a serious problem) that I figure I might as well, with plenty of disclaimers, on the assumption that there must be someone like me out there who could benefit from it...

Nothing new here, really. It's all been said on the no-s home page and in posts. It's just concentrated and dignified with a page of its own.

Reinhard

Yay Reinhard!
You can take a twelve step program and boil it down to a few rules..
I'm real glad it's working well for you, and that's a testament to your willpower and self respect and also your intelligence!
I know a few people who have really let alcohol screw up many aspects of their lives.. It's upsetting to have to just sit there and watch it happen..Sadly it's such a difficult pattern to break for a real hardcore drinker.. But no one can change unless they want to do it for themselves, so outside intervention can be helpful, but inside work, just like with food addictions or any other, is the real key to change..

You are really amazing!
Peace and Love,
Deb

Reinhard, I totally benefit from glass ceiling. I'm slightly less strict than you though in that I allow myself to break the 2 drink limit on 'special S days' only - that is to say, a normal weekend S day doesn't count, but for my birthday party, or wedding anniversary or somesuch I don't put a limit on.

Fortunately I've never been one to really overdo it anyway - I really hate being out of control and frankly I really loathe throwing up so would do *just about ANYTHING* to never get that far . I've only ever been stormingly, can't stand up, no-idea what's going on drunk about 2 or 3 times in my life anyway and it's not an experience I feel the need to repeat. Been there, done that.

My husband viscount_s also tries to stick to glass ceiling these days as well. I think it's a healthier approach (for people who can handle it, obviously) than an all-out ban on drinking. I don't think personally you can say you have a 'healthy relationship' with something if it's totally banned for you under all circumstances. At best, this is a reasonable coping mechanism, at worst, people end up fixating on the problem even more because anything that is banned is instantly more interesting!
....Just my take on it, anyway.

Glad it got its own page - but it needs linking into the other pages a bit more, I think. It's not listed yet with the other 'systems' on your Everyday systems home page.

C.

Carolejo, I'm happy to hear you and the viscount have found it helpful.

I'll link to it from the home page and elsewhere. Just wanted to give sanity check it with you guys first. It's got a nice, obvious "biblical term."

Deb, thanks also for your vote of approval. 12 step programs, in fairness, are a little more ambitious in terms of the magnitude of the problems they're designed to deal with, but problems that can be dealt with in fewer steps (and these can be pretty serious in their own right, and widespread) should.

Reinhard

I too decided to enforce a 2 drink glass ceiling. The problem is that,
around two drinks, my willpower is eroded just enough to make 3 drinks
a possibility. Four drinks is just a hop, skip and jump from 3 and so
on...

My solution: Take only as much cash as I need to the bar. Most bars
charge between $3.50 and $5.00 for a beer. I always tip a buck a drink
so each drink actually costs me $4.50-6. I find that carrying $12
works for me. There is no way to squeeze three beers in there with
tip. It is up to you whether you want to bring an ATM or credit card
with you. I find that ATM/credit cards are not a problem since I pay
as I go and feel silly putting that third beer on the credit card.

Anyways, the $12 rule is a nice way to bolster your will power.

Scott,

Thank you for posting this. It's a great little finesse on glass ceiling. It wouldn't be of much help to me personally because I ran up a few thousand dollars in credit card debts in college after I discovered most bars let you run up a tab on plastic, but fortunately the 2 drink limit is strong enough by itself that I don't need any more help. Others might, though, so I'm going to link to this thread directly from the "glass ceiling" page.

Having a kid really helped shame me into sobriety too, have you tried that?

Cheers,

Reinhard

I just listened to the glass ceiling podcast. I am a little worried about what happens when I've had my two drinks and the party is still going on. I think I will start out with soda and lime and put off the first drink as long as possible.

I have high hopes for the system. I have screwed up two important relationships this month by getting wasted and acting out. So something has to change.

Hi June,

Well, here are some tips/tricks/things to keep in mind:

1. tip: as you point out, delaying the first drink and spacing out the second (maybe with a non-alcoholic drink in between) can help.

2. trick: if the party goes on long enough, it will be the next calendar day.

3. If you're out of gas and you don't think you can resist, go home. Missing the tail end of the party is better than risking a disaster. I don't think you'll regret it either. You'll feel a huge rush of willpower for having done it. And this won't just be a "feeling", you'll have really strengthened your habit.

4. Realize that glass ceiling may not be the system you need to control your drinking. If it's not working, you may have a more serious problem and have to do some kind of abstinence thing like alcoholics anonymous.

Best of luck!

Reinhard

You mention that the glass ceiling might take some tweaking.

I'll tell you one thing that kinda hit me: The DMV definition of a "drink".

See I'm an appletini gal. Yes, I use the cocktail glass and everything, and not the "big" one. So, I can have two appletinis, right?

But an appletini isn't one drink. It's two.

A Visual Representation of "One Drink"

Quite an eye opener.

Yeah, despite what I wrote, I don't actually worry about this anymore. For me, a glass is a glass (like a plate is a place on No-s). The shame factor of obvious excess keeps me reasonable in line ("that's a big glass of wine you got there, buddy"). Though I do imagine this could be a problem for others, so by all means stick with the DMV if you don't think you can handle this (or have to drive).

I like a martini (or two) but don't drink them regularly because, well, I'd look like an alcoholic (kids are helpful in this regard: "daddy, what are you drinking? Can I have some?"). For those very rare nights on the town I get nowadays, I'll permit myself two, even if they're really doubles. I haven't found this to be a problem. I've never gotten sloppy or out of control (which I used to rather frequently before glass ceiling). It helps that between Manhattan and Cambridge, my two on-the-town towns, I never have to drive (urban ranger comes into play even here!). The DMV definition is considerably more relevant if you do.

Wine or beer are my daily beverages. They're much less problematic.

I do like the simplicity of "a glass is a glass." Rather than get into detailed measurements, maybe it would be better to simply lower the ceiling to a single glass if you find yourself dangerously scamming the 2 drink version.

Reinhard

Well, I dunno about scamming. A standard cocktail glass is pretty self-limiting, and I've no trouble limiting myself to two, but it is my writin' drink of choice. It was a bit of a shock to me that a standard martini is about as strong as 3 beers.

If you are coming into this system after having caned the booze for a bit, would you recommend an abstinence period to flush out the system and if so, how long for?

You know, I did. At my wife's insistence (there'd been an unpleasant incident). I can't remember how long, but I think it was on the order of 2-3 months.