The Blessings of Simplicity: December, 2012
The No S Diet:
Many different modifications over almost four years, especially one which allowed everything in front of me at one meal instead of one plateful at one meal.
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008:
215.0
The Sustainable Diet:
Unrestricted eating every Saturday and Sunday.
No snacks, sweets, or seconds on weekdays except for Planned S Days.
S Days must be planned at least two nights in advance.
Unlike with No S, I do not limit myself to one plateful. I do have everything in front of me before I take one bite.
If I go outside those guidelines, I mark it in red as an Unplanned S Day.
Focus on increasing exercise.
Weight Summary
(Month 1) Day 1 - Saturday, November 10, 2012:
215.0
(Month 2) Day 1 - Saturday, December 1, 2012:
214.2
S Days:
Day 22 – Saturday, December 1, 2012:
214.2
Day 23 – Sunday, December 2, 2012:
Day 24 – Monday, December 3, 2012:
Day 25 – Tuesday, December 4, 2012:
Day 26 – Wednesday, December 5, 2012:
Day 27 – Thursday, December 6, 2012:
Day 28 – Friday, December 7, 2012:
Day 29 – Saturday, December 8, 2012:
211.4
Day 30 – Sunday, December 9, 2012:
Day 31 – Monday, December 10, 2012:
Unplanned S Day
Day 32 – Tuesday, December 11, 2012:
Unplanned S Day
Day 33 – Wednesday, December 12, 2012:
FAIL
Day 34 – Thursday, December 13, 2012:
(2)
Day 35 – Friday, December 14, 2012:
(1)
Day 36 – Saturday, December 15, 2012:
Day 37 – Sunday, December 16, 2012:
Day 38 – Monday, December 17, 2012:
Day 39 – Tuesday, December 18, 2012:
Day 40 – Wednesday, December 19, 2012:
Day 41 – Thursday, December 20, 2012:
Day 42 – Friday, December 21, 2012:
Day 43 – Saturday, December 22, 2012:
Day 44 – Sunday, December 23, 2012:
Day 45 – Monday, December 24, 2012:
Day 46 – Tuesday, December 25, 2012:
S Day
Day 47 – Wednesday, December 26, 2012:
Day 48 – Thursday, December 27, 2012:
Day 49 – Friday, December 28, 2012:
Day 50 – Saturday, December 29, 2012:
Day 51 – Sunday, December 30, 2012:
Day 52 – Monday, December 31, 2012:
Journal:
Day 22 – Saturday, December 1, 2012: I was going to change my diet and started at the beginning of my journal here on September 8, 2008. I got to September 13 and decided to return to this diet. It was heartbreaking to read my journal and see that I was tweaking and tweaking more than four years ago and was saying, "I'm in a trap that few escape."
Day 23 – Sunday, December 2, 2012: Katie is playing Christmas songs, and so I hear "another year older..." as I type. Yesterday I read with alarm Tom's medical records which he has asked me to request because he wanted to go to the local doctor. In there the doctor recommends medication for control of something (long medical name) but Tom had insisted he will exercise, he will lose weight.... It scared me. Here it is Sunday morning, and he had to leave to make a 9 AM flight. He's gotten exercise when Katie and Ellie have been dogsitting (including this weekend) but that's about it.
I got up this morning, ran the bath, and then remembered I was supposed to exercise. I drained the bath and now am waiting for a 9 AM news show so I can be distracted while I'm on the exercise bike. I asked for headphones for Christmas so I can listen to something I downloaded to my iPod.... lectures on ancient Greece. That gives me flexibility to exercise whenever I want and to listen to something that requires more concentration than I can get when ironing (an iPod is there, too).
This is customization. Everyone is different. Everyone needs to exercise and to eat moderately, and there are different ways to get there. Not many would look forward to going on the exercise bike because they get to listen to lectures on Greek history. This is my way. What is sustainable is to find a way to make the exercise time enjoyable.
Day 24 – Monday, December 3, 2012: I raced through the day not feeling great at all. Tonight I bought a room humidifier and am feeling better. I did not eat that much. Was it because I wasn't feeling well or because I had settled on this approach? Time will tell. I think that the number one goal for my dieting has got to be no binges. I cannot get there by focusing on it. Instead, I have to get there by creating a feeling of security that I can eat soon and plentifully. "Portion control" leads to binge behavior: I'm convinced of that. There may be a few, a very few, who can feel like they are starving all the time and still keep to it. I am not one of those. I also wonder if it is good for them in the long run. Isn't there a lot of stress associated with feeling like you are starving all the time?
Day 25 – Tuesday, December 4, 2012:
Day 26 – Wednesday, December 5, 2012: Another busy day, and we had a staff meeting from noon to 1. I wasn't much hungry. I went down after the staff meeting to eat because I didn't want to eat before then, and as I was walking back I was struck by how many morbidly obese women were having meetings in some less formal areas near the dining area. It occurred to me that obese people may have some very positive traits. Actually, my project manager is a gem, and she is quite heavy. What are the traits of people who believe the doctors when they say you need to watch your weight and control your portions? They are traits that can be good: a willingness to defer to authority, a willingness to deny immediate pleasure because of a longer term goal... Now the sad fact is that the golden ring of being thin is not gained by portion control, so all the effort is of no avail. What is the trait of a morbidly obese person? The trait of someone who persists despite failure after failure after failure.
All good. I ought to harness my willingness to defer to authority, my willingness to deny immediate pleasure, and the willingness to persist and actually achieve weight loss by sticking to this plan, not weighing myself, and accepting that maybe, just maybe, I no longer am meant to have a 24 inch waist.
Day 27 – Thursday, December 6, 2012: Today I took as a vacation day so I could catch up at home. It's also a school holiday for Tom and Katie because there are conferences. Now I have to take Katie to recite prayers for confirmation (make up work) at 8:30 and take Tom to take a makeup test, so I'll drop Katie and a friend at the mall and Tom at school while I go back to work for an hour to complete something I did not have time to do because I had to leave early for Ellie's band concert.
How the heck, with my life, did I expect to be fighting starvation every minute of every day? How the heck can anyone, stressed or not, willingly feel like they are starving all the time? Diets are invitations for daily failure. It seems so obvious to me now, but it took a long time to get there.
Since deciding I'm sticking with this approach no matter what the weight, my appetite has fallen like the drop at the beginning of the Pirates ride at Disneyland This was not expected. I'm not hungry. When I eat, I don't eat much. I don't think about food at all except when it is mealtime and even then I might not. Yesterday I forgot to eat breakfast until I was already at work.
When I was single, I went backpacking a lot. Once in California we were backpacking and then went through this stunning meadow. It was completely unexpected and just wonderful. That's how I feel now. Suddenly, and I hope permanently, my thoughts are not dominated by thoughts about food.
10:15 PM: I'm in this weird limbo between two worlds, as I leave the world of the obese and enter the world of the thin. I wish I could explain it. Maybe I can explain it this way: A few days ago I called a progressive radio show, told the woman I really enjoyed her show, and told her the reason why is that I was trying to understand the progressive viewpoint. She was talking about taxing the rich. I then told her my favorite book this year was Frederick Douglass' autobiography, and I brought up two points from that book: that Frederick considered the slaveholder to be like a robber who took the fruit of his labor because he could. I explained that that is how the rich feel. They feel robbed. I then said that the other item from the book that really struck me was that Frederick had assumed the north would be poorer because there were no slaves. Instead, he found that they were richer, and he realized that people work harder when they work for themselves. The talk show host could not get me off the phone quickly enough! She sure did not want to explore my line of reasoning.
I think I've got a fairly good idea of the progressive outlook, but I really do not know yet how a thin person thinks. Why? They don't really talk about it. Why? They don't really think about what they eat or how much. It is the obese who are obsessed with food. Why? I think it is due to portion control. Overeating is really eating in anticipation of not having enough to eat in the future.
Busy day. Another day when I did not really think about food.
Day 29 – Saturday, December 8, 2012: I decided to weigh myself and was pleasantly surprised by how much weight loss was recorded on the scale. It may be OK if I just weigh myself once per week. Of course, it was also an exciting week at work. I ended up being dropped from the project effective 12/21. That is the life of a contractor. I suspected it was coming and even told my husband. The good news is that I am getting a good internal reference and the recruiting firm will start to remarket me. The hiring manager ran out of stuff for me to do. I need sign off on one more project which should be done this week. I asked for more to do and was given something that isn't really business analysis work. It was a terrific experience as far as what work I did, but I would be hesitant to return to that hiring manager. In the first six weeks, I tracked time against 10 different things. When the project manager came on board, she got me focused on three. What else I was doing wasn't really business analyst work, either.
As for the diet, can I really call it a diet? It's so easy because there is no concern about dealing with hunger that cannot be satisfied. This diet amounts to delays in eating until mealtime for five or fewer days per week plus a restriction on sweets on those same days. That is a fairly simple an easy diet to follow.
I am now experiencing what I think may be the life of a thin person. I just plain don't think about food except when preparing or eating it. Just think about all the wonderful thinks to think about! I can think about the first snow and my parents coming here for Christmas and the dog that the girls will start dogsitting in an hour and Tommy taking the ACT for the first time and Ellie finally being able to sled and climb ropes because her arm is healed after breaking it falling out of a tree. Life is beautiful. There is beauty in so much. I was telling my Katie that she has such a gift in finding in beauty in so many places. She wanted to swing by the house of the Scoutmaster who has Christmas lights timed to music. That's the stuff of life. That's what I want to occupy my thoughts!
Don't be surprised if I write less here. It may be best for me to write less going forward. A once per week check in might work best. I can celebrate now, but over time I think I will just not remember my preoccupation with food. Thinking about this reminds me of my desire to live in Denver. I loved the mountains! I loved hiking! I moved to Denver and within six weeks was offered a job. Did I take it? No. After a few weeks, I did not thrill at looking up and seeing the mountains in the distance. I got used to it. Sure it was positive, but there were many negatives about Denver. It's in a bowl so smog is a problem. It is dry, and I just hated that. Now, for me, I predict the thrill of no longer thinking about food will fade quickly. My thoughts will be occupied with my family, financing college, and working. My thoughts can also turn to just plain enjoying this moment of my life.
Day 31 – Monday, December 10, 2012: Writing may help me stay on track. I had a very busy day and had pretzels for lunch at about 5. I did not get home until after 7:30 and had a sandwich. I should have gone to bed but ended up eating two fruit and nut bars and an apple. Not bad for breaking the N Day rules. Now I'll go to bed.
Day 32 – Tuesday, December 11, 2012: I had so much fun today as I prepared for a requirements walkthrough tomorrow. Also, someone I met who works in a neighboring group sent out an email recommending me. That was so nice!
9 PM: When I broke the diet tonight, it was a little more serious: 1/2 peanut butter sandwich and three fruit and nut bars. Why? Because I could. You know what? The secret to this diet is you tune out food when it isn't mealtime unless you have a planned S Day. I'm not doing that. I've opened the door to eating outside mealtime. It's time to get serious. I'm listening to Boehner right now. It's time to get serious... Am I in or am I out? I'm in. I just need to decide I've been over 200 pounds for 10 years. It's time to eliminate the unplanned S Day.
Day 33 – Wednesday, December 12, 2012: Well, well, well... Have I learned my lesson yet? I think of that test that was done to four year olds regarding willpower. They were left alone with a marshmallow and were promised another marshmallow if they could just not eat that one for 15 minutes. Those who succeeded distracted themselves:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EjJsPylEOY
This is a valuable lesson for me. I need to learn to tune out hunger except at mealtime. Habit -- consistent habit -- is the key here. I have noticed on occasion that I have learned to tune out hunger. For example, last week, there was an open house at the Boy Scout troop for the younger Webelos considering joining the troop at the end of the year. Cookies were left out, and a mother was on guard to let the parents of the Boy Scouts know that the treats were for the Boy Scouts. I saw the treats. It did not occur to me to take a cookie. Now that was success!
I need to give up the unplanned S Day idea. I need to call it a failure fair and square. Whatever the circumstances that might arise, it is just not worth being fat so that I have to deal with being tempted by food all the time. I look at the torture experienced by those four year olds alone with a marshmallow and see myself in them. Don't I smell the food and touch it when I am tempted and trying to decide whether to eat something?
No. It is much saner to just dispense with the idea of Unplanned S Days and build a strong habit so that, consistently, I just plain am not tempted by a cookie. There is no need for portion control. I eat what I want at mealtimes except for sweets on S Days and eat whatever I want on the weekend and planned S Days. I am going to clarify that weekday S Days must be planned at least two nights in advance.
9 PM: Two fruit and nut bars, cottage cheese. Maybe another tactic? I think I'll try one year of no weighing myself and no fails.
Day 34 – Thursday, December 13, 2012: Another dismal day for dieting, all after I got home. I think I'm being let go because of a personality clash with my boss. I have a WYSIWYG face and would not do well at poker. That woman disturbs me. I came out of an hour long staff meeting wishing I could take a shower. She just slams person after person. Today it was about 10 people not in the room. Maybe it's because I'm the mother of teenagers, but I don't like nastiness. My work is in great shape: I should have everything wrapped up tomorrow and then I just am doing a lower priority task next week. I can be happy with the work I did.
As for my diet, who knows? I think I expected more of myself than I can deliver. The heart of the problem for me with this diet is the unplanned S Day. Losing weight by counting Exception Days was slow, and I lost patience. It's time to just accept that I am going to lose weight not at all or at the rate that my body wants. The Exception Day approach gives my body that chance to be comfortable.
Tomorrow is another day, only it's not. Now is the moment.
Day 35 – Friday, December 14, 2012: This is a hard time of year to stick to a diet. I do think, however, that there may be something to the periodic need to just let loose. The 12 days of Christmas used to be that time. So did the time between Easter and the second Sunday of Easter. I think I'll have exceptions every day for those days except that I won't this year because I just had my week of letting go.
Day 36 – Saturday, December 15, 2012:
Day 37 – Sunday, December 16, 2012:
Day 38 – Monday, December 17, 2012:
Day 39 – Tuesday, December 18, 2012:
Day 40 – Wednesday, December 19, 2012:
Day 41 – Thursday, December 20, 2012:
Day 42 – Friday, December 21, 2012:
Day 43 – Saturday, December 22, 2012:
Day 44 – Sunday, December 23, 2012:
Day 45 – Monday, December 24, 2012:
Day 46 – Tuesday, December 25, 2012:
Day 47 – Wednesday, December 26, 2012:
Day 48 – Thursday, December 27, 2012:
Day 49 – Friday, December 28, 2012:
Day 50 – Saturday, December 29, 2012:
Day 51 – Sunday, December 30, 2012:
Day 52 – Monday, December 31, 2012: