Soprano - It's probably relative, safety. I have read so many books about life in the middle ages that I can say life is MUCH safer now.
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
And that's even if you were to control for infant mortality. Now, if we are comparing safety with 50 years ago, it's still safer, I think, although I don't have data in front of me for that. As far as the real scary serial killers/pedophiles -- personally, I think there have always been serial killers. And I think the ones that we catch are just a few of them. I was pondering the other day how strange it is that humans were so OK with torture. The Rack, for example, or "draw and quartering" - where they dissect out their intestines before killing them. And that was someone's job?! That person probably always was a psycho sadist. I mean, really, people were put in stocks and then it was OK to pee on them or throw poop in their face? And they say kids today are desensitized to violence. Sheesh. (note - upon even further reflection I was filled with sadness for the parts of the world where the children are brought up to be little soldiers - taught to murder from a very young age - heartbreaking)
Sorry for this tangent - I read too much and imagine too much more.
Margot -
![Mr. Green :mrgreen:](./images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
Ha!
Saturday, April 6
123.0
Although it's an S Day, the problem with multiple fails or "exceptions" during N Days makes the S Day not as satisfying. Keep S days satisfying!
Eating
B: coffee w/milk, bacon & eggs, apple and banana
L: vanilla ice cream! I need to get a grip. I seem to be in a strange spiral of dread for next quarter.
D: steak, bacon & macaroni bites, diet coke
dessert - thinking about getting some Reese's Pieces - update - got a strawberry sundae at Costco. Just for me. I ate it with relish in the car. And it really cheered me up.
I might end up having chocolate macadamias tonight. Or popcorn. I may. I just might. If I feel like it.
Drinking
Abs Day
White-knuckling it. Alcohol is a pick me up, a let me down, a snack, a dessert, and seconds.
But I'm good now. I'll be cool until tomorrow, which is a mod day.
Moving
Feeling a little sore from my yard work yesterday! But I hope to get back out there again today. Weather is not great for it but there will probably be some clearings in the showers. Plus I have good gloves.
Spending
Grocery shopping today ~$70 at local grocery. $212 at Costco. I went a little wild, stocking up on a few things (which I haven't been doing in almost a year - only buy what we are (almost) out of..... but it was a combination of a few things: 1) didn't thoroughly check what I have/need compared to my menu; 2) dreading next week and not wanting to run out of kid lunches or dinner items or anything while I'm fighting through week 1; and 3) some sort of "going wild" inside of me right now. More on that below.
Reading -
finished that crazy book, Mother Land. Meh. Double Meh.
Started another book that seems more promising - A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Anthony Marra. I'm not too far so don't give anything away if you've read it.
Dealing with anxiety like all-get-out!!! As I was loading up the car at Costco, I thought, "Why am I worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet?" and then of course I had to laugh at myself, since that is what anxiety IS.
![Idea :idea:](./images/smilies/icon_idea.gif)
The guy in the next car over probably thought I was crazy bat-s#*t.
I guess I have never had a quarter where I've had this many different classes to teach. All four of them are very different, and either new preps (one is an online lecture so I have to make so many videos), new format (one is gradeless), new labs, and new structure for all of them (de-emphasis on grades, although only one is all-in with this idea). I'm freaking out. Apparently. I mean, I've been getting work done this week, but drinking way too much alcohol for many weeks. I think I've been trying to push away that anxiety using alcohol. Looking back over my journal, I fell off my moderation bandwagon on almost EXACTLY the same day that I agreed to do that 4th different class. Talk about not wanting to admit my anxiety. So weird! Well, maybe not so weird. Humans have been using alcohol (or food, sex, gambling, shopping, or whatever) to assuage anxiety for millenia. But I thought I was more enlightened than that.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
But nope, it took like a month of drinking too much for me to realize that I'm trying not to think about how hard this quarter is going to be.
So, non-alcoholic coping mechanisms this quarter will be:
*Walk/jogs w/HappyHerder - gotta do it! Evenings too on Abs days as needed.
*Good books to read - in bed by 8pm (reading or reading w/kids)
*Eat good food. Enjoy my S Days with abandon if needed; treat myself to lattes as needed.
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
Have diet cokes for dopamine hits if needed.
*Keep the menu simple and the grocery shopping done. Don't let myself get surprised by a tough day with nothing planned to eat.
I can't come up with anything else.
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
Hopefully those things will be enough.