So many detours...So many life changes
Time for a new beginning
I am working on a purpose or mission statement. Not there yet.
The past is the past...40 years of deprivation and dieting mentality cannot be overcome overnight. For the last 2 or 3 years I have tried to give up the dieting with first, intuitive or normal eating, then NoS. I have decided that I do have an overeating, sometimes binge eating disorder. It is not because of deep emotional scars, but compulsive overeating has developed from the years of deprivation and because food has been my "default" for comfort, boredom, anger, procrastination, et. al. Eating or turning to food has become a very comforting habit.
Any attempt at "control" whether from counting calories, points, or assessing hunger or fullness triggers binge eating. I believe that all foods are allowable, but some need to be enjoyed on S days (and there is no shortage of these).
I do believe in the philosophy of the 12 step program. I admit I am an overeater and that many times I turn to food when I should be turning to my God. I cannot be abstinent in the way an alcoholic can be, but NoS can be my abstinence. I also can use this board as my support group.
My goal is perfect NoS compliance as I have it defined (3 meals, no snacks, no seconds, no sweets except on S days). I am not going to torture the one plate concept and I will consider binge eating on S days as noncompliance.
I have major life issues to deal with for a few years so I need habits and structure without making my life even more difficult. But food can no longer be my god.
At the moment I have a cast on my arm..that is my excuse not to weigh. However, I just do not want to see the number on the scale for awhile. It is really irrelevant what I weigh right now or what weight loss progress might be. Perfect compliance and habit is my goal for now. I know I am overweight because of overeating. That is all I need to know for now.
TexArk's New Beginning
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
2 moderate S days completed
Now down to business!
Breakfast: toast, milk, coffee
Lunch: creamed chicken and rice, V8
Afternoon: coffee
bored but no desire to snack--must plan supper--maybe lots of veggies
orange juice
Supper: Japanese veggies with olive oil
small frozen flatbread pizza slices
green grapes
wait out the night
Now down to business!
Breakfast: toast, milk, coffee
Lunch: creamed chicken and rice, V8
Afternoon: coffee
bored but no desire to snack--must plan supper--maybe lots of veggies
orange juice
Supper: Japanese veggies with olive oil
small frozen flatbread pizza slices
green grapes
wait out the night
successful N day
Ezekiel toast milk orange juice coffee
froz. small entree fettucine dried fruit pieces
Japanese veggies 2 slices spinach cheee pizza milk
made it == need to go to bed!
Ezekiel toast milk orange juice coffee
froz. small entree fettucine dried fruit pieces
Japanese veggies 2 slices spinach cheee pizza milk
made it == need to go to bed!
Last edited by TexArk on Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
TexArk,
It sounds like you are being gentle with yourself, which is good. I think of obesity as a trap, and almost no one gets out of it. With our years and years of dieting, it's especially tough to get out of the obesity trap. Like you described, I developed almost a knee-jerk reaction to dieting -- I'd immediately binge!
My only suggestion is don't worry too much about binge eating. If you allow yourself to overeat, there are unpleasant natural consequences. I once ate about 4,000 calories of caramel macademian clusters in one weekend, and -- believe me -- I'm not interested in doing it again. If you paid me $1,000 to do it again, that would be an easy no. I still eat a lot on S Days, but I eat a lot less than I did -- and the only restraint is my body rebelling against the consequences of how I feel when I eat so much!
Good luck, and God bless --- I must say that in the last month there has been quite a change in me that I could not adequately describe, but I think respecting how much I want to eat is leading to other types of respect as well... It's disturbingly new after all those years of being locked in battle with my body's survival mechanism, the "emotional brain" which refuses to allow voluntary starvation.
Kathleen
It sounds like you are being gentle with yourself, which is good. I think of obesity as a trap, and almost no one gets out of it. With our years and years of dieting, it's especially tough to get out of the obesity trap. Like you described, I developed almost a knee-jerk reaction to dieting -- I'd immediately binge!
My only suggestion is don't worry too much about binge eating. If you allow yourself to overeat, there are unpleasant natural consequences. I once ate about 4,000 calories of caramel macademian clusters in one weekend, and -- believe me -- I'm not interested in doing it again. If you paid me $1,000 to do it again, that would be an easy no. I still eat a lot on S Days, but I eat a lot less than I did -- and the only restraint is my body rebelling against the consequences of how I feel when I eat so much!
Good luck, and God bless --- I must say that in the last month there has been quite a change in me that I could not adequately describe, but I think respecting how much I want to eat is leading to other types of respect as well... It's disturbingly new after all those years of being locked in battle with my body's survival mechanism, the "emotional brain" which refuses to allow voluntary starvation.
Kathleen
Thanks, Kathleen
I think the bingeing is not a problem for me if restrictions are not stringent. Again, I have a definite boomerang (?) effect from deprivation. That is why I like your idea of eating enough at each meal with the only restriction being the sweets on N Days and not going back for seconds. Even if I eat bigger portions those portions will never be as damaging as the "binge effect."
So far today has been manageable:
Breakfast: 2 slices Ezekiel bread with honey and coffee
Lunch: 2 boiled eggs. small bowl of oats and coffee
Early Supper: large slice leftover pizza, small glass milk, small box raisins
Wednesdays I have to be mindful: Bible Study Group brings "goodies" to the house!
OK I made it through all the cookies, etc. I wasn't really hungry or tempted. I had a hot chocolate drink and that got me through. Maybe it was a sweet, but I am not counting a drink as a sweet.
Today has felt very good. Each meal was enough and looking back I really didn't eat as much as usual--best of all I didn't think about it.
I think the bingeing is not a problem for me if restrictions are not stringent. Again, I have a definite boomerang (?) effect from deprivation. That is why I like your idea of eating enough at each meal with the only restriction being the sweets on N Days and not going back for seconds. Even if I eat bigger portions those portions will never be as damaging as the "binge effect."
So far today has been manageable:
Breakfast: 2 slices Ezekiel bread with honey and coffee
Lunch: 2 boiled eggs. small bowl of oats and coffee
Early Supper: large slice leftover pizza, small glass milk, small box raisins
Wednesdays I have to be mindful: Bible Study Group brings "goodies" to the house!
OK I made it through all the cookies, etc. I wasn't really hungry or tempted. I had a hot chocolate drink and that got me through. Maybe it was a sweet, but I am not counting a drink as a sweet.
Today has felt very good. Each meal was enough and looking back I really didn't eat as much as usual--best of all I didn't think about it.
Last edited by TexArk on Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Breakfast: boiled egg and toast and milk
Lunch: dried fruit and BBQ sandwich
Aft. small V8
Supper: milk, cheese slice, 2 X 4 soup, and probably too much bread but I am satisfied for the evening.
I needed to eat more for supper today. Yesterday I ate a very light supper very early and 7 hours later I was starving and added a 4th light meal. That was a positive since there were many cookies on the counter that would have been consumed if yesterday had been last week.
Lunch: dried fruit and BBQ sandwich
Aft. small V8
Supper: milk, cheese slice, 2 X 4 soup, and probably too much bread but I am satisfied for the evening.
I needed to eat more for supper today. Yesterday I ate a very light supper very early and 7 hours later I was starving and added a 4th light meal. That was a positive since there were many cookies on the counter that would have been consumed if yesterday had been last week.
Whoopee it is Friday. Challenging week--cast removecd from right hand--now on to therapy so I can use my hand again.
Breakfast: boiled egg toast coffee
Lunch: large bowl veggie soup--saved peanut butter crackers for later--some might say this was a snack, but I planned it because I didn't have much time
Supper: cheese stsicks, bagel, apple (ate before 5:00--will have milk before bed)
Major grocery store run--still having to use easy fix meals--no chopping or involved stirring! Trying out some new veggie solutions.
I haven't even thought about S Days impending--I think this is a good thing.
Breakfast: boiled egg toast coffee
Lunch: large bowl veggie soup--saved peanut butter crackers for later--some might say this was a snack, but I planned it because I didn't have much time
Supper: cheese stsicks, bagel, apple (ate before 5:00--will have milk before bed)
Major grocery store run--still having to use easy fix meals--no chopping or involved stirring! Trying out some new veggie solutions.
I haven't even thought about S Days impending--I think this is a good thing.
Welcome back TexArk! Your sound and gentle approach to returning to NoS is admirable. I wish you the best...you've had some tough times.
Congratulations on getting your cast off! I had a cast up to my knee on my right leg for 13 weeks for a badly broken ankle...ugh...what a nightmare! Mine came off right before Christmas and then I did a month of physical therapy. Keep up with it - it definitely helps! Today I walked outside on a track for about 15 minutes - the first time in almost 6 months! What a great feeling!
Take care and be good to yourself!
Mimi
Congratulations on getting your cast off! I had a cast up to my knee on my right leg for 13 weeks for a badly broken ankle...ugh...what a nightmare! Mine came off right before Christmas and then I did a month of physical therapy. Keep up with it - it definitely helps! Today I walked outside on a track for about 15 minutes - the first time in almost 6 months! What a great feeling!
Take care and be good to yourself!
Mimi
Discovered NoS: April 16, 2007
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!
Doing OK
Therapy is helping. Spring Break is on its way, but I have to travel out of town to take care of elderly and their business.
My NoS is not perfect, but I am not bingeing which is success. Especially since I have all the usual triggers in place in my life! I just go ahead and have a mini meltdown without eating--so there!
Therapy is helping. Spring Break is on its way, but I have to travel out of town to take care of elderly and their business.
My NoS is not perfect, but I am not bingeing which is success. Especially since I have all the usual triggers in place in my life! I just go ahead and have a mini meltdown without eating--so there!