Ellis tries again!

[Ellis]

Oolala, thank you! I can imagine how frustrating it is to lower your a1c! I also feel much better when I don’t eat huge amounts of carbs in a row!

Winhappy, thank you for sharing! Weighing yourself daily and tracking your average over a week is definitely a good idea. I’ve done it for a while as well, but for now, I’m focusing on one weigh-in day per week so I can take a break from the scale if I feel the need.

I tracked my calories for two days, and although yesterday was a very stressful day, I immediately ended up bingeing. For some reason, calorie counting triggers this for me. It’s so strange.
I’ve decided, for the 100th time, to go back to No-S with the mod of having three meals a day every day, even on S-days. A carb limit is helpful, but I think it’s better for my overall goals to focus on No-S for now. Perhaps a carb limit would be better suited for maintenance to keep my weight steady.

You’re all probably getting tired of all my switching—so am I, haha. But I’m sharing everything so I can look back if needed. This week will be a completely green week!

[Amy3010]

Calorie counting is triggering for me, too, so I understand where you are coming from. Don't worry about what we might think about anything, this is your process and you are figuring things out for yourself, we are here to support you and be a sounding board!

[Ellis]

I’m really glad you guys are still active here—your support really helps!

On Wednesday, we had a communal lunch at work, and that’s always a bit tricky. When all the food is right in front of you, it’s tempting to eat more. I had my own portion, but colleagues offered me their leftover fries. Fries are really my weakness, so that ended up being a red day.

Yesterday, I was debating something I have done before. I think I’ll allow sweets again within my three meals—not every day, but when I really feel like it. With “no sweets,” I get that scarcity mindset on Sundays, thinking, “I can still have it now, so let me grab something sweet on Sunday evening.” If I can, for example, finish it as part of my breakfast on Monday, I think that would bring more peace of mind.

So, what I’m doing now is:
• Green day = 3 plates per day, a smaller plate for breakfast, where sweets are allowed
• Red day = seconds and snacks
• S-day = birthdays, special days, and holidays, where I can eat whatever I want

[Amy3010]

That's exactly what I mean about figuring out things for yourself! We all have to find the best way to apply moderation and habits to our own lives.

[oolala53]

May I suggest you take a few moments each day to remember why you chose this plan as the best way to achieve moderation and anticipate what situations and justifications might arise that lead to failure. Then think of reasons the justifications don’t really hold water in the face of what you want for yourself, knowing that giving in reinforces the habit of giving in. It’s good to do that even when things feel easy. Then those refutations are more likely to pop up if needed. What’s the animal Reinhard used in the book? A water buffalo? It will remember how it got through the fence before, even when it didn’t really need that grass on the other side. There’s plenty of grass inside the pasture- or in “storage.” it actually is very useful to give the urges and identity separate from the rational self that made the plan.

Have a great week.

[Ellis]

Thanks all for the great advice, I appreciate it!

Unfortunately, what I was afraid of happened. The plates I use to serve my food work really well, but not for my blood sugars. In the past, I didn’t think about it much—I would just correct my blood sugar with insulin when needed. But now, that doesn’t feel right anymore.

This past week, I again switched my plan to a carb limit—this time to 50 grams per meal. And I think this might be the sweet spot for keeping my blood sugars under control and losing weight at the same time.

Winhappy mentioned that she weighs herself daily and monitors the average. I’ve decided to start doing this too, hoping it will help me focus less on daily fluctuations.

My diet plan isn’t fully No-S anymore, but I still stick to three plates a day and no snacks or seconds. For now, I allow sweets because they’re not a trigger for me. This morning, I had some delicious chocolate, weighed it out precisely, and didn’t feel any urge to grab more. So for me, a “green day” means three meals with a max of 50 grams of carbs each.

Of course, I find this week’s weight loss a bit low, but it’s still weight loss! Sometimes, it triggers me to start restricting calories aggressively, but I really need to push past that. I sometimes look at people around me—those who are naturally slim—and I still don’t understand why it’s such a struggle for us.

Yesterday, we made a stop at Burger King and both had a burger. But while I could have easily eaten fries and dessert on top of that, my bf (a tall man who does fitness) was full after just that one burger. It just goes to show how my body can’t be trusted when it comes to hunger and fullness signals. The burger was 50 grams of carbs, so that is my cue it’s enough!

[oolala53]

I hear you about having to control certain macro nutrients. But once you know truly what those foods are doing, it gets a lot harder to justify it at least for me. It’s such a different orientation than thinking about calories.

In regards to your slim bf, the mystery to me isn’t why it’s hard for us. The mystery is why it’s easy for them because they are the outliers. I mean in terms of modern life and relatively unlimited access to food. It’s actually natural to eat too much for low body weight. Look at us. 70% of people are considered to be overweight or obese. We are programmed from early times to eat when food was available. We just don’t have the periods of lack. They kinda have to be self imposed somehow. Unfortunately, that can set up very strong urges to get those stores back. And one of the books, I read, there was the story of a man who came from us Southeast Asian island where most of the people were subsistence farmers. He moved to a city and several years later went back to visit. He weighed 50 pounds more than the heaviest person around. So there was no magic mechanism in him that helped him control his calories. Culture is part of it as well. We’ve got the Catch-22 where big eating is available and pretty much encouraged, but big bodies are not. The diabetes is a bit of an evolutionary mystery. It seems. Even though we have so many overweight people and apparently a fair number of prediabetics now, diabetes still affects only about 11%. Lifestyle can definitely make a difference, but it still means that we have to monitor things in a way that other people don’t. It’s a drag, but it could be worse.

[WINhappy]

Hi Ellis, You're accomplishing so many positive things for yourself, just by focusing on what has worked for you in the past, imagining what might work for you in the future, and evaluating what works and what doesn't day by day and meal by meal. I know it's hard and can feel very frustrating but you're worth the effort, especially in regards to controlling your blood sugar. So much of the time, it seems people focus their eating on vanity metrics, when what really matters is our health over time. Just keep trying and give yourself all the compassion and support you'd give a loved one who is struggling with a challenge that is both hard and perpetual. And by all means, avoid anything that seems to send you in the wrong direction (as defined by me as any direction that leads to frustration, anxiety, desperation, stress, etc. and makes life harder than it is already is ). I am sending you all good thoughts! WINhappy.

[Ellis]

Oolala, I really appreciate your comments; they’re so interesting to read. Winhappy, thank you so much for your always positive feedback! You’re absolutely right that we should be kind to ourselves. It’s hard enough as it is!

I now have a 14-day streak with my carb limit of 50 grams. It’s working really well for my blood sugars, but not so much for my relationship with food. On one hand, I feel restricted, but on the other hand, this plan gives me too many options to eat unhealthily. I have a half workday during the week, where I usually eat my lunch at home. Very often, I get the urge to drive to the store, pick up something tasty (and unhealthy), and then enjoy it at home—sometimes even overeating. With the carb limit, I allowed myself sweets, but it’s starting to become obsessive on that free afternoon. I sometimes feel ridiculous to still have such a disordered way of eating.

Vanilla No-S scares me because I don’t know how to handle the freedom of an S-day. But maybe I need to push through that fear. I’ve known for years that having a healthy relationship with food and not becoming obsessive about it is really important for me. I still want to lose those extra kilos, but I’m not sure if it will really happen with vanilla No-S. It will definitely throw off my blood sugars for two days, but I also know that I need to be able to live a little.
I read a book about managing diabetes, and it said that motivation for good blood sugars is essential, but so is accepting that striving for perfection isn’t realistic. I can’t imagine staying under this carb limit for a lifetime. That’s simply impossible. As long as I correct when needed, that’s the most important thing. And on N-days, I get very close to my carb limit because I only eat three times a day and watch my portions. Then on weekends, I take a break from dieting and allow myself to enjoy. Even if that means my blood sugars aren’t always perfectly stable. I think I need those S-days, especially because they keep me from constantly craving sweets when I’m in the store on N-days. And I also need to watch my cholesterol, so having the option to only eat sweets 2 days a week is better.

I’ve added a few extra S’s. Chips are now an S, and ordering takeout is an S too. I think I won’t go for snacks on S-days, but I will allow sweets and seconds. I’ll try not to keep too many tempting foods in the house. I’m really going to focus on mindful eating and using a rating system: how much do I actually want this? Is it above an 8 on a scale of 1-10?

I’m also going to try to eat more fruits and vegetables with my meals, and I’ve made a 30-day plan for my step count. I’m debating whether I should hide the scale for a while. It can really have a negative impact on my mood.

I’ll update next week on how things are going!

[Ellis]

So, the “first” (of my uncountable many attempts) vanilla No-S weekend is over, and wow, I ate a lot. It was expected—that’s always how it goes. Of course, it was a bit more challenging for my blood sugars, but I did my best. And I really enjoyed the freedom. It was amazing!

I’m ready to embrace vanilla No-S. I’m so tired of switching diet plans and having a complicated relationship with food.
Seriously, the moment I decided to go back to vanilla No-S, I felt an incredible sense of peace wash over me.

I’ve also decided to put the scale aside for now. Right now, it’s a negative influence. I’m nervous—afraid of gaining weight. But mentally, this is the best choice, and I think I’m ready to accept whatever weight this brings me to.

Today was green. My colleague had a discount code for takeout, and it was about to expire. I joined in, and we ordered burgers and fries for lunch. In the evening, I had a sandwich, so I basically swapped my lunch and dinner. It feels good to just follow the original plan.

[Ellis]

Wednesday morning, I got curious about my weight. I decided to weigh myself. The number on the scale wasn’t what I wanted to see, but I had expected it—a higher weight. This morning, I couldn’t resist stepping on the scale again, and I weighed the same as the day before. I’m not sure what to think of it.

I had an interesting thought though. Since I always have to count my carbs for my insulin dosage, I actually always know my calorie intake as well because of the app I use. I usually turn off this feature to avoid any triggers, but I decided to do a calculation based on the number of S-days per year and what percentage that is. Assuming that my S-days remain “wild” for the first year and that my N-days stay relatively low in calories.

The year 2025 consists of 28.5% weekends = S-days. If you add 5 special birthdays outside the weekend and 10 holiday/vacation days where you don’t want to restrict yourself, then 32.6% of 2025 is an S-day. That means 67.4% should be green. As you can see, there’s not much room left for red days. I’ve become quite critical of my NWS-days.

I also made an Excel sheet to track my calorie intake for the entire year and calculate the average. I’m just curious—I really love data and filling out lists! And tracking my weight has derailed my progress for a lot of time, so time to focus on habits instead!

[Ellis]

Yeeh, things are going well with vanilla No-S! Today was my monthly weigh-in, and I lost 0.4 kg, which is about 0.8 pounds. It’s not a lot, but I’m happy that at least the number is going down. I accept wherever No-S takes me.

What might have been even more important was my non-scale victory this week. I unexpectedly went out for dinner with my colleague, and we both had a burger and shared a portion of fries. I had almost already counted on a red day because I find it really hard to skip dessert, but luckily, my colleague was full after the meal, and we just had a cup of tea. We kept chatting for a long time and eventually looked at the dessert menu, but I decided to just go for a latte macchiato. My colleague chose a small pastry with her coffee.

The feeling of marking my day green that evening was truly indescribable. I was, and still am, so incredibly proud—it really feels like a victory. I just need to keep today green, and I’ll have had a fully green week. Looking forward to enjoying my S-days again starting tomorrow!

[Amy3010]

Good for you! I think it's those non-scale, habit victories, that in the end, have the most impact! Have a great weekend!

[oolala53]

Judith Beck recommended something that might seem like too much trouble, but it really makes sense since the body can send so many signals at various times of day that are in opposition to what we want in the big picture. Keep a little card file with entries of victories like the one having the coffee instead of dessert. Write about how it was actually just as pleasing to sit and chat with your friend without the sweet and how much better mentally (and probably physically) you felt right after and the next day. Occasionally, pull out the file and review it, letting the good feelings sink in. This reinforces more of what we want. But it doesn't have to be a big deal. I think it makes it just a little more likely that in a future situation, the memory of how good it felt is more likely to pop up in response to the desire to get that extra in the moment. But just marking greens and letting the good feeling of looking at a bunch of them may be enough. These are good practices until the habits feel like they are running on their own, which might take longer than we want! Especially because the body will likely periodically kick up in protest. It gets fearful that it won't survive on the intake and with lowered fat. It's ironic because it often does better.

[pinkhippie]

Hi Ellis!

Just popping in to say good for you! that is such a great accomplishment to give your body time to decide that you didn't want dessert and not just get it on autopilot! Wow, amazing!

Sounds like you are doing really well! Every NSV is an important one that builds on the habit and the mindset.

[Ellis]

Thanks everyone! It’s been a while, and since my last update I’ve switched back and forth between different diets about a hundred times. As you know, I have a few things I need to manage: losing weight, keeping my LDL cholesterol in check (by limiting saturated fats), and controlling my blood sugars.

I kind of already knew it, but vanilla No-S (with S-days without mods) just doesn’t work well for my blood sugars. After years of trying, I’ve realized that my binge eating doesn’t just go away after a while like most people. I also don’t lose weight that way, and it’s not good for my blood sugars either. The carb limit works perfectly for my sugars, but unfortunately it messes with my mindset and actually triggers even more binge episodes.

Since I really like the structure of vanilla No-S apart from the bingeing issue, I got curious and started tracking some data. If I want to aim for at least 70% green days per year, I’m not left with many days outside of the weekends. I’ve tried it before, but I think doing No-S with just one S-day per weekend might be the best solution. One day a week with slightly less stable blood sugars feels manageable, and it gives me that mental break I need from constantly thinking about food and blood sugars. I also tracked what I eat on N-days, and with one totally free S-day a week, I should still be able to lose weight.

On Monday, my partner and I went shopping together at the mall and it felt like such a relief to just eat what I wanted. So I really see the value of S-days.

For now, I’m going to try doing No-S for 30 days with Saturday as my S-day where I don’t have to hold back. I’m curious to see how it goes. Most of our social or special events tend to fall on Saturdays anyway. And if I really need it, I can always take an extra S-day during the week. To get at least 70% green days a year I have enough extra S-days (basically a lot of saved up Sundays )

So far I’ve had two green days, and tomorrow I’ve planned an extra S-day because a friend is visiting and we’re going out to eat—feels so good to just allow myself dessert if I want it! I’ll update again later!

[Amy3010]

Hi Ellis - nice to see you here again! How did your weekend end up going?

[Ellis]

Amy, thanks for asking! It actually went pretty well!
Did I eat a LOT? Well… yes! But it felt really good to have that mental break from the diet.
I’m now tracking my weight every morning and keeping an eye on my calorie intake. I do have to be careful with that, because it can sometimes trigger disordered eating tendencies.

Getting back on track on Sunday wasn’t hard at all! We went out for lunch, and afterwards my partner suggested getting some ice cream since it was such a nice sunny day. But I immediately said, “It’s not an S-day for me,” and he was totally fine with that.

But at the office… that was a different story. On Monday, someone had left some leftover Easter chocolate, and my colleagues kept going back and forth to grab some. I decided to take a few pieces before they were all gone and tucked them away in my drawer. I’m planning to take them home right before the weekend, so I can enjoy them on Saturday. I feel so good about this decision!

One of my coworkers even commented on it. She said she couldn’t resist the chocolate, and honestly, I used to be just like her. Even though I’m not at my goal weight yet, No-S has taught me so many important things.

Right now, I’m really motivated to lose a few pounds — not just for looks, but because, for the first time, my tummy actually feels uncomfortable in certain clothes. It’s funny, because I used to just be annoyed by how it looked in the mirror, but now it’s bothering me physically too, like when I’m driving. So yeah — I’m very motivated!

[Amy3010]

Glad to hear your weekend went well! And well done on being okay with skipping ice cream and also saving some Easter chocolate for later - good strategy!

It is a very fine line between maintaining the habits you need to promote health and a healthy weight, and having those habits trigger disordered eating tendencies. A lot of us on this journey have to figure out how to navigate this line as best we can! And I think the only way to do it is by trial and error, learning what works, not beating yourself up when something doesn't work, and looking at everything as data. So good job on testing different things for yourself!

It does help a lot to have multiple reasons to be doing this, too.

[Ellis]

I feel really awful. Yesterday was an S-day and I ate so much that I actually felt sick. It was my partner’s birthday and we went out for dinner. I had dessert, which really wasn’t worth it, but I still ate about half of it because it was pretty expensive.
When we got home, I jumped on the exercise bike just to try and shake off that overly full feeling.

The next issue was already on my mind: the leftovers. The next day was supposed to be a green day.
But what do I do with the cake? It felt like such a waste to throw it out and it was so tempting, and unfortunately, it couldn’t be frozen.

Right away, I started thinking about allowing myself an extra S-day. But my blood sugars were already all over the place, and I still felt full. So I decided to go back to having three meals a day again, everyday. And honestly, I immediately felt bad about it — like I’m going in circles.
I looked back at some old comments here and realized I was dealing with this exact same issue years ago. I can’t seem to escape it.
I just don’t know anymore. I feel indecisive and lost. I don’t know what the right thing is anymore. And in August, I have an event coming up, and I feel so much pressure to lose weight before then.

But I’ve never managed to meet a “deadline” before. I always end up binging or feeling deprived. I have several issues to address when it comes to my diet (weightloss, my blood sugars, my cholesterol, and my mindset).
Ugh… this is so hard!

[Amy3010]

Oh, Ellis, it sucks to be in this spiral that feels so endless... I am sure that a lot of us here (myself included) can relate to how indecisive and lost you feel right now, like being on a roller coaster that you can never get off of.

I hope you won't beat yourself up for this weekend for too long. Even if it takes years, this is all part of the learning process. Some of us just need to work on incorporating the habits for a long time until they become second nature. Just keep asking yourself: what is the alternative?

You said something that makes a lot of sense: dieting to meet a weight deadline for an event never works; in fact, it makes you binge even more. Your health issues are actually much more pressing reasons to keep working on this and trying to find a system that works for you.

Hang in there!

[Ellis]

Thank you, Amy, for your supportive reply! I truly appreciate it!
You’re absolutely right — this is all part of my learning process. My health really does need to come first.

That’s why I’ve been digging a little deeper into the time when I felt good in my body and was doing well with No-S. I realized that back then, I allowed myself one S (like a treat) on an S-day. Already knew back then that eating all day just because it’s an S-day is not the plan.

So now I’m going to focus on sticking to the 3 plate rule and not forbidding myself anything, as long as it fits on the plate. I’ll also allow myself certain things if they fall on an S-day — no guilt. I don’t go out to eat super often, so when I do, I just need to make sure I enjoy it and not stress too much about the 3 plate rule.

At home, I’ll keep aiming for reasonably healthy meals, and I’m going to try to be more active again.
Thanks again, Amy, for taking the time to reply — it means a lot!

[Amy3010]

You're welcome

Something that is helping me lately is focusing on being consistent rather than being perfect. If I make a mistake, get right back into my habits without beating myself up. And like you, aim for reasonably healthy meals at home, and enjoying those infrequent meals out without letting them throw me off of my consistency at home.

You got this!

[pinkhippie]

Hi Ellis!

I know what you mean about feeling like you are "back here again". And that nothing has changed. I feel like I am stuck there, too. I have discovered for myself that an approach more like what you outline works for me the best.(for now! ) I think key for me has been if an S comes up not on an S day, I just make room for it on my plate, but I don't have sweets planned every day. I notice if I have sugar every day, it makes me want more, but if a special occasion comes up and I deny myself, I go hog wild on weekends. So, that is my new plan! I have been doing it for the past couple of weeks, and it's been successful.

Amy is so right about being consistent rather than perfect. I need that reminder as I am always tempted to change what I am doing.

Good luck this week!

[Imogen Morley]

Ellis, sending virtual hugs your way. I've been there so many times before, and I sympathize with your struggles. If incorporating an occasional S-day food on an N-day helps you stay on track, great, keep it up! Do you think committing to it for like a month would help you strengthen your willpower muscle?

[Ellis]

Amy, thanks so much for sharing that wisdom! It really hit the nail on the head.

Pink, I appreciate you sharing your approach! Do you plan specific S-treats for your S-days, or just go with whatever comes up? How are your S-days going lately? I still feel a bit lost trying to figure out what works best for me. Part of me really liked having a carb limit per meal (three meals a day, max 50 grams of carbs each). It helped with weight loss and kept my blood sugar stable, but I ended up craving sweets more—and that’s not great for my LDL cholesterol. With No-S and just sticking to three meals a day, my cholesterol was actually more under control. But the weight loss is so slow and my blood sugar isn't always under control. I totally relate to you—I'm constantly tempted to switch things up every other week.

Imogen, thank you for the encouragement! I’m still trying to figure out what works. Like I mentioned to Pink, I find it really hard to stick with one plan for long. If the scale doesn't move, I tend to panic and want to change everything. I’ve never struggled this much before—especially now that I’m trying to juggle so many things: weight loss, blood sugar control, mindset (not feeling restricted), and LDL cholesterol (saturated fats).

Yesterday I had a really intense hypo (low blood sugar) —completely my own fault. I jumped on the exercise bike after taking my insulin but before eating. It turned into one of those “eat or die” hypos where your brain just flips a survival switch. I don’t get those often, thankfully, but it definitely turned the day into a red one—I ate a lot.
I do worry about my health sometimes. After my last eye check-up showed a tiny bit of damage, I became even more determined to keep it in range and avoid complications for as long as possible. But it's so restrictive and finding the right balance is tough. I’m still figuring it out.

[Imogen Morley]

I'm struggling with silent reflux, so I feel your pain. With health issues that need to be managed by diet, we are forced to add another layer of restriction, and that's so tough *hugs*. Keeping my fingers crossed for you as you're trying to find what works for you long-term.

[pinkhippie]

Hi Ellis!

I typically go with whatever comes up, but my family is a family of routine. So, its always frozen yogurt on Friday night. It might change up on Saturday if we go out to eat, but typically its frozen yogurt on Saturday night as well. If its a birthday or my husbands mom brings over a cake, or my daughter bakes something in her culinary class, then I will have that too. Its such a tough balance when you have to take your health into account!

My S days are ok... I don't think I go too nuts, but I also don't restrict myself too much. Yesterday I had pizza and frozen yogurt and a few oreos. Today I had the rest of my pizza but also some green beans, lots of fruit and then I melted some dark chocolate chips to dip some strawberries in. I feel like I ate a lot compared to the weekday, but compared to what it could be its not too bad. I think framing it as " I don't want to eat this because I will feel bad" is a lot more effective than worrying about weight. For example, I don't usually eat a lot of sugar all at once because it makes me light headed. Sometimes I forget or my desire overrides my brain and then im like oh yeah, I don't like this, and I remember for the next time. Its a tough balance!

[Amy3010]

What Imogen says about eating to manage a health issue adding an extra layer of restriction is so true, and makes it that much harder! And sometimes it feels so unfair to have that extra burden.

[Ellis]

Thanks Imogen, Amy, and Pink for your support!
Right after I posted, I decided to start watching my carbs again. My blood sugars immediately became so stable! I allowed myself to have something sweet as long as it stayed under my saturated fat limit, but wow… the math. It’s just not doable. Too much mental load (and I already knew this! grrr....)

So No-S and three meals a day it is. That already limits the carbs quite a bit, and since I’m only having sweets on weekends, my saturated fat stays fairly balanced too.

I really feel the pressure to lose weight though. Every time we start planning a vacation, I think back to the last one—and how I was also trying to lose weight then. Ugh… I need to break this cycle. No-S is the answer, with three meals every day and exceptions on special days or when the occasion calls for it. Not too strict, not too loose… just right.

Quick question: what size plate do you use for your meals? My diet brain loves to push limits and fill up every inch.

[pinkhippie]

I know what you mean about feeling the pressure to lose weight before vacation! Last year my wakeup call was ON vacation when I saw myself in pictures and in plate glass windows. This year I would like to be healthier than I was last year. My plates are 10 inches I think at home, but for lunch I always take a 2 cup pyrex round dish for my lunch. It used to seem way too small for me, but now I have gotten used to it as long as I also have a fruit to eat with it. I usually do some kind of healthy bowl-type meal for lunch without the rice or quinoa. Hope that helps!

[Ellis]

Well, it’s been a little while. I was doing pretty well with No-S, but this past weekend I had a very indulgent S-weekend with way too much food. I had a really stressful week at work with all green days, so I suspect I was experiencing some kind of delayed emotional eating on my S-days. The stupid thing is — I really enjoy the food, but I hate the overstuffed feeling. And yet, I keep eating. I was also a bit nervous about my eye doctor appointment.

So on Monday, I had to go to the hospital for my diabetic eye check-up (type 1). They had to dilate my pupils and check for any damage to the blood vessels in my eyes. And… unfortunately, they found a small bleed in one eye. The eye doctor wasn’t concerned, and I just have to come back next year. It’s one of those things that can happen after having diabetes for many years, but tight blood sugar control can really help. So now I’m feeling anxious again about complications, and that old urge came back to really stick to my carb limit.

I’ve thought it through carefully and I think I’ve found a way that could work for me. The most important thing for stable blood sugars is that I stay under a certain carbohydrate threshold — one I can still manage easily with insulin. So I’m allowing myself full meals with a max of 50 grams of carbs. Once the insulin has worn off, I can eat again — which is about 3 hours later. So I’ve come up with a meal schedule for days when I allow myself more flexibility. On N-days I’ll stick to my 3 meals. And on S-days, I could eat at: 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9. I think that’s pretty reasonable. I’m excited to try it out.

The only thing that still bothers me about this way of eating is saying goodbye to desserts when we go out to eat. I could go for a salad instead, but when I really think about it… most restaurant desserts aren’t even that amazing, and that overstuffed feeling is just awful. So I might as well fully enjoy a good main course instead. And if I really have a hard time to resist I can promise myself I can have something 3 hours later, haha. I’m curious to see how this will work out.

[Amy3010]

I am so sorry that the diabetes weighs so heavily! It makes all of your decisions around food and eating much more complicated. I understand how you would be anxious after your eye appointment, even if the doctor didn't seem too concerned. And it makes sense that you keep trying to figure out an approach that works for you! Keep us posted!

I agree with you about desserts at restaurants not being that great - I rarely order dessert - and lately I often find the meals themselves disappointing, too.

[pinkhippie]

That's so hard when medical restrictions make this whole eating thing even more complicated! We usually skip the restaurant desserts because they are so expensive! And go home and have ice cream or frozen yogurt. Maybe something like that would work? I saw they make low-carb ice cream. I hope your S-day schedule goes well!

[Ellis]

Amy, it’s definitely unsettling! It annoyed me too that he didn’t say anything else — just bluntly: we’re not doing anything about it, see you next year. I actually would’ve liked a bit more explanation, but I felt kind of thrown off and left the room quickly because he shut it down so abruptly. And absolutely, eating out has gotten pretty expensive, and sometimes it’s just not worth it. Such a shame, because the mister and I really enjoy going out to eat. We love going out for breakfast at our favorite spot in the city, but they’ve changed the menu… such a bummer!

Pink, thanks for the tip about having dessert at home! I think that might actually work well with my insulin schedule.

I've had a few restless and stressful days. I just couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to do. I went back and read through my history, older posts, and my diet journal. I even shared my concerns in a diabetes group to see what others are doing.

There seem to be three kinds of people with type 1 diabetes:
A. The ones who eat whatever they want and just inject insulin accordingly.
B. The very strict ones who follow diets like keto or extremely low carb.
C. The “do your best and enjoy life” folks — kind of the 80/20 rule.

Based on my history with eating disorders and how easily I feel restricted, I think approach C is the best fit for me. My doctor is completely happy with my numbers, so maybe I’m not seeing things clearly and just got a bit shaken by the eye check. With No-S, my blood sugars are already really good during the week because of the restrictions. So I decided not to impose any restrictions on S-days for now and go back to vanilla no-S....

I came across an old post, I think from Oolala, about “wild S-days,” and I saw how long it can take for those to settle down for some people. Last week was incredibly stressful, yet I managed to keep it totally green — which did result in a wild S-day, but still: green and delayed emotional eating... I actually feel pretty proud.

And some more good news — I approached my S-day differently today. I really tried to listen to my body. We went out for breakfast in the city, and I had a delicious croffle (croissant waffle with eggs benedict and avocado) and lovely dessert coffee with whipped cream. I felt full... and normally, I would’ve had lunch that day just "because it was lunchtime,” but I wasn’t hungry at all. I had a small piece of bread later in the afternoon, and then for dinner we ordered pizza and dessert. I put it all on a plate — half the pizza and half the dessert fit on it — and I was totally satisfied.

I did have the thought in the evening like “I can snack if I want to, because it’s allowed,” but I honestly didn’t feel the need at all. I’m so proud of myself. It's stupid but I feel like a normal person.

Oh, and in the spirit of taking care of my health: I’m going to sign up for a trial session at the gym near us. I actually want to get a bit stronger and hopefully lose a few kilos along the way too!

[pinkhippie]

Good for you Ellis! That sounds like such a lovely S day! I think days like that truly capture the spirit of the self nurturing aspect of an S day! Listening to your body and giving it exactly what it wants, rather than eating because you can or its time to. I try to do that on my S days as well. No S during the week and more of an intuitive eating approach on S days. It doesn't always work out but its my goal.

[Ellis]

Thanks Pink!

Almost 1 kilo down!
It’s been a tough week again — I had a lot of trouble with low blood sugars, which meant I had to do quite a bit of correcting. So I had to eat here and there, but I still marked the days as green. I didn’t eat out of hunger or craving, it was purely out of necessity.

I’m feeling good with vanilla No-S, even though I still get some anxiety now and then about the event I’m going to. I’ve accepted that I’m not where I want to be just yet — but I’m doing my best to get as many green days as possible.

I also signed up for a trial month at a gym really close to work. No more excuses! I’d really like to get stronger in general.

We’re going on vacation soon — we haven’t booked anything yet, but I’m planning to enjoy it to the fullest. I used to stress so much about holidays and gaining weight, but now I realize the most important thing is to get back on track right afterward. That’s usually where things went wrong. I’d lose my focus. But now I know what to look out for!