Everyday Systems

Sorry for the loss of your friend, oolala. She left her imprint on your life so she will never be gone.

Oolala..It always seems to me that people come into our lives when we need their wisdom..if we are open to listening. How wonderful that you listened and absorbed the wisdom of this extraordinary woman. She will be with you forever.. you can still sit down and "talk" whenever you want! Many of my most helpful conversations are those I conduct with people who live on in my being. Wishing you peace-of-spirit.

So sorry for your loss. I know she will be missed and cherished very much in your heart.

Thinking of you in your loss. What a wonderful paragraph you wrote about this marvellous woman that left an imprint on your life and seems to have lived her own in such a way that she was an inspiration.

A phrase I've heard before is "Don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happened." It's odd to apply that to a live-well-lived, but I have noted that remembrances of such people mingle both sadness and a deep sort of joy. I wish that your many memories of her bring you happiness and comfort.

Best, best wishes.

KCCC

Oolala!! So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this time.

I just came over here to cut n paste a reply to your latest message on my thread when I read about this. Again, so sorry. Take care - Roxy xx

PS: Here is a copy of the reply posted to your good self on my thread (incase you didn't get a chance to see it):

Hi there oolala! Nice to 'hear' from you again! First of all, please don't think you were being pushy! The thought never even crossed my mind! In fact, I find your comments very helpful and it is always great to get someone else's point of view.

I just posted a little comment on Berry's thread stating that I'm going to go back to Vanilla No S after my little experiment ! You're spot on when you say that it sounds like I can take or leave snacks on the N Days. The N Days were never really a problem before anyway and by introducing more snacks and stuff into the equation when I don't really need them, is a bit counter productive Laughing - having said all this, mind, if I'd been having problems with N Days, i think having a small treat after dinner may be a good idea. It's really peculiar that i can be so good on N Days yet slip up so much with the S Days! It's as if a switch flips on in my head saying "eat as much sweet stuff (trash) as you can before Monday comes around!"

As I may have stated, I think another reason was I was getting impatient with no weight loss showing on the scales. I know I should really lay off weighing / worrying about it - I even made a 'pact' with the other No Sers that I would try abstaining for a few weeks! LOL.

Oolala, just want to add my condolences to the mix. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Julie

Add me to the list...sorry to hear of your loss and how wonderful you got to see her last week!!!! Amazing how things work out.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind thoughts. It isn't really sad as much as poignant, and as you say, I feel I will always have her, since she played mostly the role of a very wise teacher. One of my friends is going to print the picture that was sent to me, so I'll have that, too, to remind me.

I had half of a scrumptious al pastor burrito and some food samples at Costco for lunch. yay virtual plating!

Day 16 success.

Hi Oolala,
I just finished browsing your thread for about and hour and wonder is you know how much you have grown in the last year or so. It is amazing to see the progress. Your struggles have made you stronger and seem now to be bringing you the peace, freedom and self respect you were longing for. You well deserved all of those things all along but now you are embracing them. Maybe that is the best tribute you can give to your teacher. Your time on this planet is being well spent. Keep it up and take pleasure in it.

Thanks, Pangelsue! I think I wrote to you on your thread.

I was browsing obituaries about Charlotte Joko Beck, my Zen teacher, and was reminded that she wrote a book called Everyday Zen. I had forgotten about the serendipity of it until I went to tell someone on another site about Everyday Systems. The real joy of life is in its everydayness.

Success. I felt a little off all day today. Slightly nauseous after both breakfast, lunch and dinner. Don't know why. Dinner was very light, yet I feel no hunger at all.

Ha HA you sound like your pregnant!!!!!
I am kidding.

oolala's pregnant,

oolala's pregnant,

Congrats, my friend

I was kidding!!!!!

snapdragon wrote:I was kidding!!!!!

Oh, I know, Just funnin' her.

That would pretty much be second round parthenogenesis. Middle aged immaculate conception.

BTW, I am going to copy this to the "S day support for wild ones" on the main forum, too, for those it might help who don't follow me.

Went to a potluck last night. A year ago, the day would have been wild. I would have started picking at food, or eating sweets, much earlier in the day, almost like appetizers! Like a warm up! This year, I had my regular breakfast, though I wasn't particularly hungry. I had a friend over for coffee and toyed for a minute with getting out some chocolate cake from the freezer. I didn't. Very glad later, esp. when I learned that her boyfriend was making them lunch and she wasn't hungry of that yet. She might have said yes to the chocolate and then I would have been guilty of a conspiracy. I had a normal lunch, which I was hungry for and tasted delicious. In the course of the afternoon, I had a bite from a little packet of fudge I came across while straightening things. The potluck in previous years had had only okay desserts, but this year, had many more, so I had 1-2-bite servings of four or five things after slightly more than a plate of regular food. Man, they were good! Man, was I full! But I didn't feel bad about it. In the past, I would have been mad at myself and taken it as a sign of my eating disorder and general inability to accept life as it is instead of having to find all my sweetness in pleasure in life from food. (Oh, how the mind works!)

I've been eating moderately so consistently that it felt very obvious that this was an exceptional experience. And I found I wasn't mentally struggling over it. I wasn't trying not to eat anymore and I wasn't thinking, but I deserve it, eating more, and then feeling guilty. (If you have not had much trouble with S days, this must sound like an awful lot of neurosis and trouble. Now you know!)

One of the really cool things--at least I hope it turns out that way-- is that one of my old neighbors, Kim, was there, a woman a few years younger than my 57. She has been taking singing lessons for several years now with a local female jazz singer called Kevyn Lettau, and was saying how glad she is and how she can do things with her voice that she never thought she could. I told her what kind of experience I've had with the three people I've taken (just a few) classes from, and how I found it frustrating that they always spoke about it in such global, rather artistic terms, like pretending you're going to land on top of a high note rather than get up to it. I said I felt I needed more nitty gritty instruction. She then launched into this wonderful description of the physical makeup of the voice and how different sound (probably pitch) corresponded to specific things that were happening in the parts of the throat, sinuses, and skull. She said she and her teacher are absolute voice geeks! She then said she has started giving lessons, so I said I'm in! She is doing it rather under the auspices of Kevyn, so I would go periodically with her to her her teacher so that her Kevyn could find out if Kim is hearing what is going on correctly and is giving the right guidance. Kim is a very creative person, having been a potter, enamelist, fine art painter, pianist (still), acoustic and electric guitarist, (never made money at the last three) web site designer, and now making her living designing house remodels, which she taught herself to do. She is absolutely fearless about learning new things! It's almost as if she feels it is her right and obligation as a human to do it. (I love that idea and need to be around it more; at the same time, I'm also always a bit suspicious, esp. when someone is married, because I wonder if these people are taking care of themselves financially or counting on someone else to pay for the extras. When I reached age 40, I decided it was up to me to make sure that I made not just enough to live on, but to save and to do my part to provide for myself in my old age as well, beyond the social safety net. That's one reason I became a teacher, even though it doesn't make me want to sing when I get up in the morning. Teachers pay each other their retirement benefits in CA, and I will be taking a 60% reduction in my social security payments (the ones I earned in the 20 years of working before I started teaching) because I will draw retirement from our system. Plus, I've been trying to use some of my income to build a nest egg and develop some real estate equity, which has unfortunately lost me a lot of money. But I was trying to do the right thing. It's funny, I've been a democrat forever, and have always wanted to be willing to give a hand to people who had a lot of strikes against them. It does not include people who have intelligence and means but simply don't want to some things, so I know (and am not proud of) I have some resentment (and jealousy) of people who get to play and let someone else step in when the going gets hard. Gosh, I am going on! And I'm probably stepping on toes. I hope I'll be forgiven if I'm being terribly judgmental. Who do I think I am? It's just sour grapes, and mostly represents pockets of immaturity. And I will work on accepting even that about myself.

Back to truth and light. I'm really glad I saw and talked to Kim. I had a fun time and set myself up to possibly move into a new era of my life in developing parts of myself that I've wanted to. And I'm feeling very positive about my eating.

You have every right to feel good about your eating. You sound very sane and normal. I think that is what you were going for when you started here. Also, don't worry about the politics. I think everyone Rep or Dem is questioning things more than they used to. Far less is being taken for granted and not as much is being accepted on face value anymore. And in a Democracy, that is as it should be. If we all thought more and accepted less, it would be a more flourishing democracy. Mark Twain once said that in a Democracy we get the government we deserve. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

I know EXACTLY what you are saying oolala. You ate more than you had recently been eating but still within the range of normalcy. What was the cool thing was that you realized at the time that you were slightly outside of your comfort zone. This is how people that manage to stay at a normal weight range probably live - every few days they step outside the circle, enjoy it, then hop back in.

I did the same last night, ate more than I normally had been but still nothing that people would say OH MY GOODNESS, look at that monster plate of food.
And, honestly, I physically feel better eating less.

Way to go - for both of us - for realizing how much of this is truly a mind game, not a stomach one.

Also, the exploration of other areas of your life sounds very interesting and exciting. Perhaps a new avenue will open, who knows.

How exciting for you! I really think people come into our lives when we are ready for the experience they bring. Stay open to all the possibilities out there and keep going with your improving relationship with food! Just think, if you had been chowing down on a big plate of food, you would never have been able to have that meaningful conversation!!

I did not get tired last night until after 4 a.m. Only slept until about 8. A phenomena is happeing to be again in which I feel hungry for a meal and enjoy one, but then feel a bit nauseous. I had lunch at around 1 p.m. Normally, I'd be plenty hungry by now, 6:21 pm, but it's more like light sea sickness. No good reason. Guess I'll just wait.

Had my first singing lesson. So funny! Making noises and flubbing my lips and tongue. But I can see how it will make a difference over time.

I hope you get more sleep tonight! I'd be a zombie with only four hours! I have hungrier days than others...but I hardly ever don't want to eat! ha.

I had a brainstorm about how to have something that seemed like a celebration without going for the sweets on a Friday night. Even though I'm not working, I still feel like I want a release on Friday. I hit on it today. I often have a fresh baked biscuit made with whole wheat biscuit mix from Trader Joe's. Tonight I had a friend for dinner and made a big biscuit for us, but instead of serving it with the savory dinner items, I smothered it in cut-up fresh strawberries with just a dusting of stevia and a drizzle of plain yogurt and served it for dessert. It felt so special, but was really just food items I would have eaten anyway! I'm going to keep that for Fridays.

However, I did bake the biscuit a little too much so it was crispier than I wanted. I found myself afterwards with that vague feeling of wanting something else. I concentrated on the conversation with my friend. Now I'm catching up on email affairs. I mgiht have a swig of milk before I go to bed just to seal the cracks.

Ooooo, that biscuit sounds yummy!

Boy, I was thinking a lot about food today. I had that vague feeling of anxiety and the desire to eat in a way I haven't for quite awhile. I even at lunch early. However, I stuck it out and will be going to bed before it gets to be an issue.

oooohhhhhh..do I know that feeling!! I think we have so many things going on in our heads and we thinkwe are "in charge" of it all..and.. ..we are just not there yet! Will we ever be? I sure hope so!! Good luck, my friend!

Thanks for assuring me my craziness is abnormal and that is OK. LOL. I loved it.
Why is it that we have days where the need to eat is where it should be--in the background and other days where it is a constant nagging need. I no longer believe it is because of carbs or when I eat or whatever. I think it just happens. You had the strawberry treat on Friday and I think it was a brilliant solution. It satisfied a need and kept you on track. Unfortunately, I also think that when we satisfy a craving (even sanely satisfy it), it awakens the beast. The beast opens one eye and says, "Is she caving in? Is she giving up?" If I prod a little will she give me TREATS. I WANT TREATS. I NEED TREATS." Wait until the beast drifts back to sleep and I think all will be fine. Or maybe, I have just been reading too much fantasy lately.....

Funny you should say that because I had a failure last night! But you know, even as I ate, I felt pretty good. I decided not to fight it and to be okay with me. Today I aim to be fine, though I did think about going to a movie or reading at a coffee house to be away from home.

That sounds like fun if it is to fight temptation or not. Enjoy.

Got through today. I wasn't hungry much, but I just didn't want to skip meals. I virtual plated dinner because I had a burrito out and I wanted some Activia, which I bought and ate on the way home.

Saturday ended up being rather wild. Cookie dough, cookies and ice cream. At least I'm now bouncing around a couple of pounds lower than I was 6 weeks ago, but if this keeps up, I'll have to up my weight in my signature.

Well, having a pretty wild weekend. Wasn't going to take today, July 4th, and then did. I know it's all over relationship and work. Didn't I learn before that this is not a good strategy? Guess I needed it again. Maybe I need more practice letting go of guilt.

This seems to have been a wild weekend for a lot of us.

I agree with R,hean. It seems to have been a wild weekend for many of us. I took Wednesday and Saturday as S days but Monday turned into one too. Maybe we are all eating because we are having mixed feelings about celebrating our county's birthday. Haha.

I wish that were it; then it would be over. I know mine is about having time but not accomplishing important tasks that are not my favorites.

Back on plan today. Man, was I hungry for dinner. It felt pretty good, although I may have let it go a little too long. I went to pick up a book from a library branch open until 8 and realized I hadn't exercised. I remembered the guy I saw on TV who had lost 338 of his 650 lbs. in one year. He said until you run out of excuses, not much will change. I thought, really, what real excuse to I have not to exercise? So I went for a brisk 30-minute walk. And I'll get my 14 minutes in, too.

I love that quote. That is going on my refrig. Thanks for that. I am the excuse queen.

Day 1 today....let's do this!

Hi oolala! ((((hugs))))))))) just sending you a quick internet hug and to let you guys know I'm still here....just !! Been having a rough few days on No S. Nothing to do with the holiday celebrations - just feeling impatient and wanting to try other diets to see if they affect my weight loss.... well, it was a total waste of time and now I am back and so happy and relieved to be here, I can tell you. I weighed this morning and was around 173 lbs so not a happy bunny. BUT at the same time, it has encouraged me to get back on the wagon again.

Anyway - enough about me: enjoyed reading your posts as ever,oolala! Hope you and everyone else continues to have a good No S week!

Love from Roxy xx

I have been thinking about this concept of excuses or reasons. Really, what is a good reason to eat? I used to have many more than I have now, and I use a lot of them on weekends, still. A favorite one used to be what in the store looks good enough and cheap enough to ignore my plan to "eat right." I realize before how weak my determination was. 11 oz. of chocolate for $1.59 was all it took. That's just one example. Mostly it was just "because I want it." I want to taste it, feel it in my mouth (for a second) and often, feel myself getting very full. It wasn't enough to have two or three Hershey's kisses; it had to be 12 or 15, and eventually, the whole package. I didn't like being really, really full, though; but, I did like continuing to chew, taste, and swallow. That's all it was. A strong desire for transient pleasure. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does seem rather flimsy now. Yet it was and is sometimes, so compelling. And certainly not easily replaced.

Totally get it! I, myself, am trying to THINK at that moment that this one second isn't going to be worth it. It's tough. Years of habit is very hard to break. One day at a time. I guess I should say ONE SECOND at a time!

oolala53 wrote: 11 oz. of chocolate for $1.59 was all it took.

I hear you. I grew up with parents who had parents who remembered the great depression - and, to be honest, were somewhat scraping by themselves. We did NOT waste. We DID find bargains. In an era where food is over-abundant, it is still hard to shake that early conditioning. (My current route is to buy small quantities of very very good stuff...)

A strong desire for transient pleasure. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does seem rather flimsy now. Yet it was and is sometimes, so compelling. And certainly not easily replaced.

Habits are strong. That's why we're choosing to build ones that serve us well.

Had such a good eating day, going up to the Getty. We picnicked on one of the lawns and admired the landscaping and architecture. Later we had a fabulous Indian dinner. I did not even virtual plate anything because it was a combo dinner and everything came in single servings on an indented tray. I probably at more volume than I usually do, but no one said the plates of food have to be the same size all the time!

Yum. I was just telling my husband I'm craving some Indian food. Never made it before....but I think I am going to attempt it. OR look for an Indian place in Texas! ha.

I love your post about giving in to the cravings because the food is cheap or will go to waste and letting that overwhelm the plan to eat healthy. I do that all the time. I bought the makings for Smores for the 4th of July and then ate them Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday because I didn't want to throw them away. Or at least that is what I told myself. Finally did throw out the marshmallows and am not interested in eating the graham crackers so I will save those for a crust sometime. But the point is, you hit the nail on the head with your idea that we make food more important than our goals. It somehow makes it easier to fight when that fact is accepted. We are worth throwing out a little food now and then so thanks for posting your ideas. I also agree with KCCC that one good solution is buying smaller portions of good stuff. A couple of weeks ago, at the farmer's market, I bought one piece of a very rich chocolate dessert from a vendor that I know makes everything from scratch. My husband and I shared it and it was awesome. That makes it an even better treat when I don't have the rest of the pan staring at me. One piece, gone.

Oh, the Getty sounded wonderful, thanks for sharing you day in such a descriptive way oolala.

I agree with the others that frugality has a lot to do with what we eat, I still have so much candy and stuff from a few months ago (yes when I weighed 158), I opened the licorice (in a rubbermaid type dish) to see if it was horribly stale - Fresh as day one - tells you how many preservatives there are in it. I didn't throw it away but I really don't know who I think should be eating it. Guess I will bring it to the office, my co-worker loves candy. I do hate to throw stuff away, wasn't raised that way. But, I have been able to resist eating it as I know I am more important.

Love reading all these posts.

I too, have lots of snacks and stuff lying around from as long ago as last Christmas! Would you believe it? Mostly chocolates (the Dove variety in the bag and some chewy candies). I too have noticed that they keep very fresh, Berry and it also makes me wonder about the preservatives. I guess i should pat myself on the back for being able to resist them: will keep them for this year's holidays I suppose

Meantime, finding a bit of a pattern which I don't like: this Monday and the last, I had a dessert after dinner. Its like I'm carrying over from Sunday! Ironically, my last two Sundays have been 'good' S Days i.e. not out of control and I wonder if subconcsiously, I feel that I should be making more out of my S Days with the result I'm failing on Mondays? This mode of behavior has made me think of going off the No S Plan in search of something 'stricter' and which will give me faster results. But I realize that it's just crazy thinking and that diet head is rearing its ugly head again. A few minutes spent on the No S Board reading over the latest posts from you awesome group of people, and I have my sensible No S head back on again!

No S, you can make this plan as strict as you like. I rarely do anything different on S days but should I want a Dreamsicle or pudding cup or something one night during the week, I would partake. I just don't want too often..

Great advice, Berry! Thanks for making me feel better

I did great at the dance camp with regard to eating. I allowed myself to have dessert one night because it was someone's birthday and the head chef was making a big deal about the cake that would be served. It was terrible but for some reason, I guess I thought there wouldn't be another good one any other night, I ate some. Thankfully, one of my cabin mates had some great chocolate, so we all shared that, too, so I didn't feel bummed that I had used a NWS day for such a lousy sweet. The next night there was a fabulous-looking cobbler which my friends corroborated the wonderful taste of. I didn't have any; truth be told, it wasn't that hard because I was full from a delicious dinner.

I told myself I wasn't going to weigh myself this month but I did before and after camp. Very discouraging for about a day. About a half a pound of weight loss after the best S weekend, all green days, and more exercise in three days than in two months!

I honestly can't imagine consistently eating much less than I do now on N days and, though I do still go a bit wild, I just don't know if it will make the difference. However, I am determined to exercise more. I'm trying to increase my motivation, since becoming svelte has not been enough of a reason for the last 40 years. However, it does help to reduce or help eliminate compulsive eating, which I consider to be my big problem, when combined with other therapies, which I already use, AND it can be part of the fight (using no drugs) against breast cancer, which I am in high-risk category of getting. All I expect of myself is Urban Ranger for about 30 minutes and resistance training for 14 minutes a la Reinhard's Shovelglove on N days. I started the RE90X thread in support of that but did crummy during my first 90 days. I was a bit surprised how I could keep dancing at camp, though I did get plenty tired. Started a new round yesterday. Still didn't exercise! But I'm gearing up.

Just wanted to say thanks for the advice you've been posting on my board. It's much appreciated

Had a fine day, even though I ended up skipping breakfast because there was nothing provided at the school rally all the teachers had to go to. got my exercise in, too.

Was tempted to have some fruit later after dinner because I went impromptu to an outdoor concert and picked up a burrito on the way. If i'd been home, I definitely would have included some cantaloupe with the meal. But on my way home, I realized I was not a bit hungry, so I forewent the extra food.

Green day.

success. Had pizza impromptu for lunch because Linda called a dept. meeting and provided lunch. Yum . Had my packed lunch for dinner.

Oh Oolala .. great job! Take a look at my thread to see "impromptu" go entirely the wrong way!! You, on the other hand have learned your lessons well!

Yes, oolala! It is such an inspiration to see what wonderful progress you've made and the successes you've accomplished. I've been trying to catch up with everyone and just wanted to stop in and say hi!

Mimi

Impromptu is good,

especially impromptu pizza

I absolutely used food today and found myself grateful that I had it to use. I definitely felt very fragile over a romantic issue that has me not shaken to my core but on the way. I feel upset with myself that I seem as needy and desirous as I do, and upset that I am so vulnerable to the fact that people don't meet my expectations in regards to open, frank communication. I don't want to become someone bitter and contemptuous of men, especially when I haven't had really serious infractions against me, such as physical abuse, outright lies, belittling, cheating, or financial ruin. But I do feel misled. I did not judge myself for not having other outlets of comfort. I do feel a little anxious now because I ended up shirking my work over it. I've done this a lot over the years and wanted this school year to do better, esp. since I have a better schedule and had hopes of making progress. I don't want to let my mind run with fear on this. It's almost 9:30, and feel too tired to work, but not like I'd fall asleep if I went to bed so that I could get up early and do some prep. I hate the idea of taking a sleeping pill, but I may need to.

Hi I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so terrible, been there, done that. I know life has a way of throwing some unexpected events in there but stay strong because it also has a way of throwing in some great things too.

I don't know you, but I feel for you..truly I do.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this oolala...we are all needy, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, just maybe for different reasons and at different times. At least you are recognizing your emotional needs and what causes them and the fact that you needed to use food for solace. It's okay, and would have been even if it hadn't been an S-day because you have learned to mark it and move on. You seem to have a very good handle on your habits.
Communication is important in a relationship and you shouldn't feel bad about wanting it and expecting it. I believe that some men just seem to have a different take on it than women do.
I sincerely hope you have a better day today and a great week overall. Sending many good wishes your way...

Mimi

Hoping your day today is better. So sorry you are going through rough times. It is a very good observation you made though that both good and bad things eventually end. That is the perfect reason to hang in there and wait for the better things that are surely coming your way.

good for you..you recognize the problem and you recognize food is not going to solve the problem...two giant steps forward! Naturally, this "incident' would happen to you when you needed your energy for work! Just too much "bla" for your to win over !! But..you are containing the eating..another big step and you are turning here for support. Lots of for that!
Let me say that there are nice guys out there and if you close yourself off, they won't find you. Here's something from my fav. book for advice; The Four Agreements: You are never responsible for the actions of others. But you are responsible for you. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. You may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. You are a strong lady..and you just got stronger!

*hugs* sorry to hear you're having man troubles - they are a pain in the bum (from harsh experience). I don't think it's needy to want open communication with someone you are involved with!

You are 100% right not to judge yourself, when it comes to emotional issues doing that will not make anything better.

MEN

Can't live with 'em,
Go to prison if you kill 'em....

Feel better, my friend. Take a good long walk and talk it through.

Hi oolala! Just popping in to add my thoughts and best wishes to you, also. So sorry to hear that you have been down and I hope you're feeling better soon. My well meaning DM would probably say "He's not worth it! or there's plenty more fish in the sea!" which is all very well when you're not emotionally invested in the other person.

Take care, hon!


Big (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Roxy x

Thanks for all your support and nice wishes, my friends!

I realized another part of the problem was that I feel off balance in my own ability to read people. I'm pretty sure I've spent a lot less time in relationship than a lot of women my age (only about 12 years of the last 40), even the other "spinsters," but I felt I was able to read the partner's interest appropriately in the past. I have rarely had anyone leading me on, in my estimation. The last few years have been mild upheaval in that arena. Still not near the horror stories I've heard. In one, a woman dated a man for several months, they spoke of marriage, he met her family (including her grown children), and without warning stopped calling her or taking her calls. She never got an explanation. Hmm, just thinking about that makes me think I don't want to allow myself to eat over these issues. If that happened, I'd look like a package of cookie dough when I got done!

I'm much better today and can see the situation with more perspective.

I'm really glad to hear you're feeling a little better. These things really suck. Especially when they leave you doubting yourself.

Hang in there -- and remember that you're stronger than the cookie dough urges!

Julie

Glad you are feeling better. I don't have a lot of experience in the "man" field, I was married at 16 to my first husband, he died when I was 50 - we had a wonderful 34 year marriage, I was single until I met my second husband when I was 54 and we have been together 8 years (married 7 years this coming Saturday).

I DO know the feeling of doubt, however. On my first date, maybe a year or a little more after my husband died, I had a wonderful evening with a very nice man (looked just like Alan Jackson, the country singer) We shared a nice meal and hours of conversation. He left, saying nothing about calling or anything. I felt like, Well, dear me - what the heck did I do wrong.

Turns out, weeks later, his sister told me that he came home - called her (she set us up) and said, Wow, she was really out of my league. Uh, she could have told me that the next day. She said she thought that I wasn't interested in him as I didn't say much about the date. What was I going to say, He didn't seem to like me very much????????? The good news is, he brought me beautiful roses.

Men........

But, he was right. I was out of his league. I ended up doing much, much better

I say, Living well is the best revenge. Look and feel your best, when the man in question sees you out and about happy and healthy and madly in love with someone else, he will say,

Damn, what was I thinking.....

Have a wonderful day, be good to yourself.

Strawberry Roan wrote:MEN

Can't live with 'em,
Go to prison if you kill 'em....

Feel better, my friend. Take a good long walk and talk it through.

I agree and ((hugs))

Oh, buddy, I'm sorry you're going through this. BUT I am glad you're seeing some perspective. Life is tough..period! But doing this one thing for YOU will bring some sanity to an otherwise crazy world!

Just adding to the love and support... since I can't top Berry's humor.

Hang in there.

I second that KCCC!

Glad you're feeling better today, oolala~!

A couple of my friends in the past experienced what your friend did. The guy was all into them, wining and dining, presents, etc. Then up and leave. Then they would think..mmmm, never gave me his home phone, never invited me to his home, and the mmmm's go on. I guess sometimes men, from what I understand don't want to hurt a women's feelings so just disappear so they don't have to see them upset. Strange as that sounds.

Of course we don't know your situation. I hope that it only get's better and you get stronger.

Some people are just very very hard to read especially when their actions are doing the total opposite.

Feel better.

I put this post up on the 90-day thread since typing is a bit of a challenge. I have missed being able to participate here so much? Hope to check in with you all personally soon.

I have been out of commission (mostly bedridden) since Friday with what the doctors called labrynthitis. It has been dissipating but it basically means when you open your eyes it looks like the room is turning. and heaving In the beginning, it was so severe that I got nausea and vomiting and my blood pressure went up so I was taken to the ER in an ambulance. This happened to me around 5 years ago, but then I recovered in a few hours. I'm still home from work this time because, though the spinning is much milder, I don't trust myself to drive yet. The nausea is gone. I did eat after Friday and have been pretty lax, treating all days as S days, but that will stop today. I bet I can do some floor exercise, but I'm not sure yet about much walking. I look very much forward to being back in the saddle soon. I was going to say in the swing of things, but I want things to stop swinging.

Omigosh, oolala! So sorry to hear you haven't been well! Haven't heard of labyrnthitis - sounds pretty awful. Hope you are on the mend soon.

Take care,

Roxy x

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear this as well. Sounds debilitating.

Feel better soon. You've been missed around here.

Thanks for your thoughts. It's really more inconvenient than anything. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to take over my classes again on Thursday. I certainly haven't starved!

Holy Scmoley!!!!

I sure hope you're on the mend, soon. Nausea and dizziness get old FAST!

The nausea has been gone, thank goodness, since Saturday. I've been able to look around the room close to natural for most of this evening.

Wow, glad you are better..did they say what causes that to happen. I would be in the same boat, amusement park rides make me feel sick, I can't imagine a constant spin....

Feel 100% better soon!

I hope you are feeling back to normal ASAP. It sounds horrible.

I'm better. I did feel slightly queasy a lot of the day because I was moving around at work. However, I was glad to be back. I wasn't hungry most of the day but I drank some milky coffee and ate half of the cafeteria meal for lunch and the other half for dinner.

Haven't been weighing myself this month I had a weird event with vertigo and it set my eating off weird. I was nauseous and not getting hungry but eating took the nausea away. It hasn't been good not having my regular hunger and enjoyment of food. Plus I had fallen into old habits of eating after work, and I know it is because I am stressed over not knowing how to handle my work load. I'm procrastinating right now. I'm praying I'll get off line now and get some work done. Oh, if only I had a taskmaster who would keep me company. Or at least I think it would help.

Oh, for anybody nice enough to follow my thread, do any of you know debrabuf? I swear, I do not know how to use the search feature here. Several threads come up and I searched one of them and never found her. I told her about No S on Sparkpeople and she disappeared from there. I wanted to see how her husband is doing after surgery and how she is doing with No S. Any help would be appreciated.

Oolala, I think she's changed her name to NoSnacker; she's still very active on the boards

I there...my husband is doing okay, we think the issue he had the surgery for is already coming back...he is in a lot of pain and not able to do much. We go to the doctor this week for a CT scan, so we'll see we just hope it is the mesh and nothing more....

I've been hanging here and got off of spark..all the calorie counting, etc. drives me nuts and no one seems to get it..but then I think I would have never known about No S if it wasn't for you..so not so sure I did the right thing by abandoning ship over there.

Have a great week...talk to you soon.

a/k/a debrabuf

Had a good day, but no formal exercise. I do actually do a fair amount of walking at work.

Glad to see you back! Walking at work is definitely a plus..I sit all day, but stand and stretch, I walk to the bathroom a lot and copier room..I just can't sit like that alllll day...

How is the spinning...gone yet?

Success No S, and all exercise

I wrote this in response to someone posting that he/she got lost in an activity and didn't think about food for 7 hours.

think I've often found it hard to concentrate on any one task besides a few activities for most of my life. I have been working on that in my Zen practice for several years. I think not having ever been able to find work that I enjoyed doing has contributed to my eating issues. I think I've decided that underlying some of my drive to overeat is anxiety over how to support myself and find a bit of pleasure in my life. Even when I'm very gainfully employed, beneath it all, I feel anxious and wish I could discover something else to sustain me. Maybe it's just existential angst? I think that's why I chose the Zen door, since searching for 30 years hadn't led me to the perfect job . I guess I decided that humans had been farmers for thousands of years and didn't necessarily get fat in grief over not being able to become a dancer, so it must be possible for me, too.

Not that Reinhard's personal life is any of my business, nor to discount the pressures that are inherent in family life, but I suspect that his having work that he finds engrossing and a stable family life, plus just being so darned logical and warm, has helped his change in eating habits be less volatile than it is for some of us. Food just hasn't played the role that it does for some of us.

Hi Oolala...

You got that right food definitely plays different roles in each of our lives..but one thing in common seems stress leads a lot of us to food.

I think even a big part of childhood can effect one as well. I come from a very large family so food was scarce at times, I never ever live food on my plate today as it puts a dreaded fear in me, well some sort of feeling and I just can't..that I'm sure is from my past..eat what you have as what you have is not much and there won't be any later....

There are those that just love food and love to eat and were able to eat all there lives what they wanted until they got older, then the weight starts to creep on.

p.s. as you probably know I'm off spark again.

the good news is that I made a couple local friends from there and we do hook up for walks....so nice when able to do that..

Have a great week..

p.s. also trying to limit my time on hear..I spend most of it in the a.m. catching up with everyone...and less in the evening..that was sound advice...live life...

Oolala- I see that you and I are around the same hieght! My goal weight is 155 because I kept myself around that wieght (without trying) for years, before I was married at 19 years old. If I was 163 I would be excited!!!

Hi! Hope you don't mind me chiming in with my two cents' worth! I, too, am around the same height as yourselves (5'7").

My weight loss goals are very similar too! So its nice to know I'm in good company

Don't mind at all. Let's be our own little feminista three musketeers. I so need something to keep me going on my mostly failed RE 90X plan (see on main board). I have really been wobbling on eating, which hasn't been typical. Exercise I haven't been regular with for three years. Feeling good today because I already worked out hard and I have reason to believe I will have a moderate S day.

GOOD FOR YOU, oolala! "Feminista Musketeers" - I LOVE it!!

oolala53 wrote:Don't mind at all. Let's be our own little feminista three musketeers. I so need something to keep me going on my mostly failed RE 90X plan (see on main board). I have really been wobbling on eating, which hasn't been typical. Exercise I haven't been regular with for three years. Feeling good today because I already worked out hard and I have reason to believe I will have a moderate S day.

Yeah!! Makes us feel good to work out hard! I am 5' 6"!! 3 Muskateers

Hi Oolala, I was stopping by as I was concerned that you thru a lose 5% challenge out there by Christmas...that would be 8lbs for me..that sounds like too much pressure...

Do you think encouraging Herbsgirl to participate in that is wise?

Just a thought. We all want to lose weight, but to me that seems like people will start putting restrictions on where they shouldn't be?

Please know I'm only saying this out of respect and you definitely are my idol and saved my life by pointing me to No S.

oolala53 wrote: Food just hasn't played the role that it does for some of us.

I feel ya, oolala. I hope for many of us, food will take its proper place in our lives over time. NoS is a great way to encourage that!

Oolala- Im having 2nd thoughts about participating in the 5% challenge. 1/2 pound a week is my goal right now, but Im still finding my way in all this.


I do need support though, and think that by supporting each other it really helps.

I have never in my life lost on a regular basis 1/2 pound a week, that is extremly slow for me, normally I would lose 2-3 pounds a week when I was losing, maybe 1. But 1/2 pound a week, month after month would be a big change for the good for me. I think by coming off slowly, it would help it to stay off. I think I could do that for a challenge 1/2 pound weekly, but Im trying to decide if a challenge would help me in the long term!

Thanks! Have a good day

Okay, I have rescinded the weight loss part of the challenge, as you have seen on your threads, I hope. and I still love you all and want to party with you!

Ahem, but may I point out that I do not have a weight loss ticker with a goal weight in my signature and some other people do? Truthfully, that is what made me think it was an okay focus for you. But I misread, and it's all good!

Where did you get that ticker, anyway? I may want to follow suit.

Good point, Oolala, about the weight loss ticker I may want to do a challenge later on, too, dont give up yet! Could we do a challenge for something else, exercise, or another habit?


I am focused on weight loss, that is my goal ultimatly, but I want to take it easy for a few more months before a challenge, scince I just started. If I had done it for 21 months like you, then definatly I would be ready for a challenge! I dont know for sure, but once I get into this for 4-6 months, I will be ready for some challenge!

The ticker is from Lilyslim.com and tickerfactory.com Its free and easy to do!!

Everythings good...