Everyday Systems

Me too on argumentative teenagers!! I learned to quit engaging most of the time, especially with the meaningless things. “I could see that” or “you might be right” kept my house a lot more peaceful And my kids too on bad moods lead to hurtful comments to me or other family members. I’m pretty sure it’s that behavior that makes it easier to see them head to college

Thanks Pinkie and Jen. Definitely sounds like Challenger's argumentativeness (in a mean way) is pretty typical for his age! I will be ZenMom.

A friend's husband discovered he has a grade 5 heart murmur and has to have open heart surgery in a few weeks. She will be unable to go with him to the hospital or visit him for the 5 days he is in recovery afterwards. She is blind and raising 2 kids, which makes all of this even more difficult.

Tuesday, January 5

130.8

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: salmon & chicken - this ended up being quite a fun combination!
2 glasses of wine

Moving
Short walk with HappyHerder

My husband and I have constant conversations where we remind ourselves not to react to our teenager. I don't know how many times we have to also remind each other to not take her comments personally. It's hard but I remember when I was a teenager my parents didn't even seem like PEOPLE. It would have blown my mind to learn that I had hurt their feelings, and I considered myself a pretty thoughtful person. I just didn't think little old me had the power to hurt their feelings.

That is so upsetting about your friend! Will she have help in the days that he is recovering? I hope his open heart surgery goes well.

Wow, so sorry about your friend that sounds really stressful and scary. :/

Ugh, you know how much ive struggled with my teens. Boy it’s just so tough sometimes. Im glad he apologized though. And it will get better. Sweetpea has become super easygoing ever since she hit that 17.5 year point. Hang in there. Youre doing great.

Thanks Linda and Pinkie. My friend has help from her sister and an adult niece, so she declined my offer to go down and help.

Wednesday, January 6

130.2

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: leftover steak, salmon & chicken
2 glasses of wine
1 clementine

Moving
hike planned this morning on the river dike. It was lovely.

I'm going to drive down and see my parents in Oregon. My dad is building a trail in the woods behind their house and I'd like to help him for a couple days. I'll just take Flowerpup and my work stuff and work from their house for a few days. I'll also get to see my sister and there is a possibility that my brother will drive from Spokane. I haven't seen him in over a year. He's recently finished rehab (again, yes, but this time he did in-patient) and has big plans for doing some things that he's always wanted to do. Over the years, his wife has not liked for him to engage in hobbies or activities, and now he says he's done with that and he's going to visit family even if she doesn't want him to.

It’ll be nice to get away and see your family. Sounds like a complicated relationship with your brother and his wife. Hopefully he can stay strong.

Thanks Linda. I really need to get away. I also think Sexy deserves a break from me. I have been thinking that I am hard to live with when I don't have a lot of different outlets. I am pretty intense.

So I probably won't be on here, but we'll see. I'm trying to get internet at my parents' house so I can get some work done there. If so, then my logging will be like always.

All of these days will be alcohol-free, and I'll be trying to eat on-plan.

Lots of exercise planned and trail-building.

Im glad you are getting a chance to get away! It's kind of funny as I was just telling my husband yesterday about how overwhelming and intense he can be, and yes difficult to live with at times. Passionate people I think can be a bit intense to others. Is your husband more quiet and laid back?

Anyway, good luck and have fun at your parents! I hope you are able to get a lot of the stuff done that you want to get done.

Have a fun visit with your parents!! I always come back from time away from my family feeling like a better version of me I hope you get to see your brother!! That would be really hard to be married to someone so controlling!!

Hey everybody! Pinkie - yes my husband is so quiet and laid-back! Yes, yes!
Jen - it's been an interesting visit. See below.

Within 2 hours of arriving on Thursday, Flowerpup raced by my dad on the trail we working on and sliced herself on his machete. It was a little slice right above her eye. At home, I would have taken her to the vet, but in this situation, I decided to wait it out and hope she didn't get infected.

On Friday, I did get to work on the trail with my dad a little so that was good.

On Friday night, my sister gave all the dogs real bones. Flowerpup devoured hers with glee, breaking off bone chunks. I of course was distracted with my brother, niece, and nephew, and not watching her carefully enough. I think she "wolfed" down bone pieces because there were other dogs around and she was trying to eat too fast.

In the middle of the night, the vomiting began. And even after she threw up the bone pieces and gunk, she was clearly in a lot of discomfort and would have occasional bouts violent bile vomiting. At 10am the next morning, I put her in the car and drove to town, not even knowing which vet to find (there is crap reception at my parents with poor internet). I found a vet that took her for an extra bunch of money. I agreed to an XRay because I did suspect an obstruction. Sure enough, they found a chunk of bone stuck in her stomach. I was then sent to the Portland Vet Specialty ER. After some discussion, I chose surgery over the other option, which was endoscopy. Endoscopy was cheaper and would have been a far easier recovery, but the location of the bone chunk was more difficult for the surgeons, and there were some suspicious aspects to the intestine. So, surgery would make sure to remove the bone and also check out the intestines.

Well, I got a call from the vet a couple hours later, after the surgery. She said, "it's a good thing we opted for surgery" and proceeded to tell me that in addition to the bone chunk, they found a 6 inch WOODEN SKEWER in her stomach. Like one of those kabob sticks with a SHARP end. It had punctured her stomach wall.

While she was under they also sewed up the laceration above her eye.

She is on codeine, gabapentin, trazadone and a broad-spectrum abx. Total Cost: $4500.

!!!!!

Oh no, poor flowerpup. So pleased you had the foresight to opt for surgery. Eek re vet bill hope you have pet insurance!

Jx

Omygosh, how scary and stressful and ouch on the bill although of course I would have done the same. Im sorry your visit doesn’t sound very relaxing. Just glad flowerpup is gloing to be okay. Big hugs.

Thank you for the well wishes, Ladybird (nice to see you!), Soprano, and Linda! Flowerpup is recovering well. I rigged up a pretty cute T-shirt for her that she wears to prevent licking/chewing on her (extensive) line of stitches.

I haven't been eating much, but last night when I got back from Oregon I had a piece of pizza, a ton of chips and artichoke dip, and 3 glasses of wine. Yep.

Thursday, January 14

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: pork, Caesar salad
2 glasses of wine

Moving
Nothing planned today. Just trying to catch up on cleaning and work and other responsibilities today.

Sounds like your energy dynamic might be similar to my husband and I's only Im the quiet one.

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry you went through that! That is terrible. Also where did Flowerpup find a SKEWER? I am glad she ended up being ok, but OOF on the vet bill! That is rough. I am glad she is healing up.

I’m glad Flowerpup is doing better!! I missed seeing your posts while you were gone, it’s good to have you back

Hi Pinkie and Jen! Things are looking up - Flowerpup is healing so nicely thus far. Although yesterday I found her in the yard trying to eat the sharp plastic pieces of my empty yogurt container.

Friday, January 15

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: chips & artichoke dip, 1 chicken strip
3 glasses of wine

I am glad she is healing up! I don't understand dogs and their eating proclivities. Our basset loves to eat rocks. We do our best to keep him away from them but he actually digs them up! I have read how they contribute to bowel obstruction so we have to keep an eye on him.

I bet your basset hound is so cute!! You know, I had actually considered getting one of those, but ended up picking a better hiking partner dog.

Saturday, January 16

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: tortilla chips & dip
D: a few fries, vanilla ice cream

Moving
Taking Creator and hopefully a friend of his to the climbing gym, which has finally opened. Poor skating rink still closed. Not sure they'll last and they are one of only a couple remaining rinks in the state.

Thanks auto! He is! I mean to my biased eye. He also is super snuggly. He loves to lay on the bed with me and rest his head on my stomach to sleep. Maybe I will post a picture of him on my thread. Yeah for a hiking partner... Bassets have great endurance but their sniffing is out of control! We have taken him hiking and he is hard to control with how urgently he wants to follow scent trails.

Have fun at the climbing gym!

Pinkie - I'm imagining his urgent sniffing.

Sunday, January 17

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: beef chimichanga, chips & salsa
D: vanilla ice cream

It is pretty funny! Im so grateful for my dogs during this stressful time. They really add lightness and comfort and sometimes entertainment.

Hope you are having a good Monday!

Happy MLK Jr. Day!

Monday, January 18, 2021!

130.8

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: beef w/red sauce, a few cheetos
3 glasses of wine

Tuesday, January 19

129.8

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: beef stew! It was so good! I'm so proud of my meal! The family "lapped" it up!!!
0 glasses of wine

Moving
Creator and I went to the climbing gym, which is now opened. We are allowed to lower our masks while on the wall, which is nice.

Wednesday, January 20

129.6

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: leftover beef stew
fail - some Doritos
0 glasses of wine

Moving
Maybe climbing again? Flowerpup gets her staples out on Saturday, so still needing to keep her calm and quiet.

Well, we have decided to switch Creator to remote learning. Both of our boys have grown increasingly worn down by all the restrictions at school (masks, windows open, no moving around, no group work, no lunch with friends, etc), but for Challenger, being around other people is still worth it (although he is depressed, I can't deny that). Creator has had it though - he's my "march to his own drummer" kid and he doesn't mind staying home and doing his own thing. He has a perpetual rash from a semester of wearing a mask, so I look forward to seeing that go away. So we've arranged with the school for him to switch to remote.

I think I'll get a membership at the climbing gym. He loves it and I like it.

So hard either way, isnt it? Ugh, cant wait for this to not be a thing. Rosebud is thriving back in school but it’s far from ideal. Sweetpea loves being home but i worry about her being stuck inside so much. I think we’re all just doing our best under these insane circumstances. Good for you for being flexible. Hang in there!

Yes, Linda, it seems like for the past year, there have been no "safe" decisions that can shield us from second-guessing or avoiding conflict.....
But I do think my boys are doing OK at the moment. We fight for our kids, that's what we mamas do.

Thursday, January 21

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: leftover chicken curry/leftover beef w/red sauce
D: Doritos
0 glasses of wine

Moving
Short walk planned with my convalescing Flowerpup. Actually ended up taking HappyHerder instead. Staples out tomorrow for my girl!

Its so tough with these school decisions! I am glad you can make the best one for your boys individually.

Yay for Flowerpups staples coming out!

Thanks Pinkie! I know it's been a tricky year for all of us parents!!

Friday, January 22

127.6

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: steak and a few chicken nuggets
0 glasses of wine

Moving
Climbing gym planned today and a walk with one of the dogs.

I totally hear you on the different kids needing different things. My daughter is like a different person after spending 2 days at school this week which my son is completely fine being home & ends up with acne flare ups from wearing a mask all day. I love that you do what’s best for each of them!! It can be hard to know what that is & even harder to actually make that call

Both kids are reasonably happy now, so that's good. And Creator is really glad to be able to have lunch at home, where he eats more nutritious meals. Good nutrition is good for mental health, too!

Saturday, January 23

128.8

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: Pizza. Too much pizza
0 glasses of wine

Flowerpup gets her staples out this morning!!

Yay for flower pup! Glad boys doing well too!

Hi auto, just catching up a bit. So glad all went well with fowerpup!
And I hear you about kids and school. Mine are still young and in preschool and reception (not sure what the equivalent is in the US) and they also react very differently to being off.

So glad to see you here!

Hi Eschano!

Sunday, January 24

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: a little roast beef, turkey, tortillas with guacamole, some cabbage
D: doritos, vanilla ice cream

Planning church and then football today. Also going to take some fuzzy socks and variety tea to the retirement home near me where no one is allowed to receive visitors. My sister tells me the old people really love fuzzy socks and special tea.
A blessing COVID has brought me is a renewed interest in spiritual things - just trying to make sense of what matters when everything is taken away for people. For me personally, I've had minor inconveniences, but I've had a lot of frustration inside me about seeing how others' have been affected. Reading my bible again, going to church, focusing on my top morals of how I treat myself and others - this set of tools is helping me to choose what concrete things I can do each day to live up to my moral obligations, rather than lamenting the things that are outside of my control and becoming bitter and depressed.

Very smart to be aware of it Auto!! I’ve noticed that a lot of people in their 40s seem to become bitter. I’ve caught myself dwelling on things that make me unhappy & have started asking myself what younger Jen would do because from what I’ve seen younger people seem to get less annoyed, irritated, & bitter I’m a church girl too it seems to bring out the best in me!!

Absolutely agree with a renewed focus on spirituality. My older one has started in her faith school and the community is lovely there and very much focused on spirituality.

I am not a church girl but I do consider myself to be spiritual and I have recently renewed my focus on more of that because I feel like I lost some of it during the pandemic. I definitely don't want to be a bitter 40-something-year-old! I try to focus on the positive and be aware of the energy I am putting out into the world. Glad you are being helped by your renewed focus on your faith. Also, that is so nice of you to take fuzzy socks and tea to the retirement home! I am sure they appreciate that so much.

I don't consider myself a spiritual person, but I do have a sense of the sacred - it revolves around nature, and
its protection, which gives meaning to my life.

Hi Auto! I'm glad that Flowerpup got her stitches out and is hopefully good as new. I'm also glad that you are finding a positive focus in spirituality that is leading to more peace and direction during these times. One thing we can say for the past year is that it has helped us to define and see more clearly what is important to us and what really matters. How is work going these days?

Hey thanks everyone! Neat to hear how we all our reflecting inward to confirm our purposes, and then we will be so much better able to shine outward to care for others!

Monday, January 25th!

130.8

Today marks the start of my 2nd 30 Day Rebel Reset. I am part of an online community (since last August, I think), and they do these fun, supportive challenges. Last time I eliminated dairy (OK OK I only lasted 2 weeks on that part), and I increased my protein more than normal. This time, my goals are:

1) eating on point (no big changes here but I will try to stay "GREEN" more purposefully than a normal month!)
2) exercise - daily walk; Bodyweights; morning mobility routine; 2X/week short sprints on my walk
3) Morning Routine - Getting Back on it. Awhile back, I had a solid morning routine but I have fallen away from it. It includes some range of motion work, laundry, 15 minutes cleaning, and then my short reflective time/journaling.

Wish me luck!

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: ground beef in tomato sauce w/ a few chuncks of potato & cheese

Moving
Great hike - first one out there again with Flowerpup since her surgery.

Good luck, auto. Love your spiritial focus. I keep reminding myself people have lived through worse through the ages. Why would we expect to not have to face some adversity. Doesn't stop me wanting it all to be over though

Jx

I hear you Soprano! Just because we can find meaning in our suffering does not make us want more suffering!

Tuesday, January 26

131.2 Ay-yi-yi I haven't weighed this much in over 2 years.

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: beef stew w/carrots, celery, a little potato, and some fried mushrooms

Moving
90 min Hike planned w/Flowerpup
15 min Bodyweight workout
Climbing with Creator

Wednesday, January 27
130.2

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: butter chicken curry (attempt 4 at this recipe - the other times it has been decent, but not where I want it) - this was the worst EVER!
0 glasses of wine

Moving
Only an afternoon walk planned. I'm sore from climbing, and need to work focused on videos.

Thursday, January 28

131

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, clementine
L: leftover beef stew
D: fail dinner - 1 chicken strip and a bowl of the crack-like Doritos

Moving
Took Flowerpup on a short run

Friday, January 29

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: ice cream, doritos, 1/2 a burger, frozen yogurt
2 glasses of wine

Moving
Climbing planned tonight with Creator and a friend of his

Im sorry your chicken curry didn't work out. I hate it when that happens! Hopefully it was still edible though! I have made recipe fails that actually had to be tossed out and we all have pbj's for dinner instead.

Yeah, that chicken curry was awful. It's in the fridge - not looking forward to eating leftovers of it.

Saturday, January 30

Viewed objectively, I appear to be flying off the rails and I'm not even sure what happened. I think that thinking about going back to work, and teaching online again, has completely stressed my body out, although my mind doesn't feel super stressed. I think my mind is trying to hide its stress from me, LOL, so it just sends me for more doritos to keep me quiet.

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, avocado on toast, ham&egg sandwich
L: doritos
D: wasn't hungry
0 glasses of wine

I'm also behind on my videos (what's new?) but on the bright side I have been really pleased with the quality of my work this week - I did a really good video on the fetal heart and now I'm about finished with one on the placenta. I think this placenta one is the most complex diagram I've made thus far.

That's a pretty good feeling, being pleased with one's work. Helps make the work involved worth it.

Thanks ladybird. I certainly do like my work, and that is a huge thing to be grateful for. I ended up finishing one more video today - still behind 1 for the month and 4 for year.

Sunday, January 31

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, leftover beef stew
L: tortilla chips w/beans, cheese, and salsa
D: skipped
0 glasses of wine

Monday, February 1!

130.4

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: 1/2 potato w/cheese, bacon, sour cream, doritos

Today must clean house and grocery shop. Oh, and menu-make.

Do you think I can make 15 videos this month? And in a short month?

Moving
Took both dogs on nice hike in the rain.

Tuesday, February 2

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, 1/2 English muffin w/sardines
L: yogurt w/berries
D: doritos....

Moving
Hike on river dike this morning

Yesterday I accomplished all of my goals. Today, after my hike, I'll make a video on patent foramen ovale.

15 videos is a big ask but I reckon you could do it if you set your mind to it

Jx

15 videos is a lot! I bet you could do it if you had to though.

Also, English muffins with sardines? This sounds like something they would eat in England although I have no idea why. Maybe the whole toast and kippers. How was it? Did you just lay sardines on an English muffin? Inquiring minds would love to know.

Thanks Soprano and Pinkie!

Yep, pinkie, I just buttered up 1/2 an English muffin and crammed the sardines on it. I like it that way - it's very hard for me to eat the sardines without putting them on crackers or something like that, but we were out of saltines, so I used the english muffin! I can't eat a whole tin, so the dogs get the rest.

Wednesday, February 3

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: some chips

Thursday, February 4 - Sexy's Bd today!

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: spaghetti and sourdough bread
D: (will be) Indian food
(will have) ice cream cake for Sexy's birthday

I am fighting depression again. I've been creeping into more news-watching lately. I need a 100% break from it from here on out. It's a weird addiction. It IS an addiction in that I crave looking, and yet I feel bad afterwards..... so strange.

I'm disappointed with my life. I've made poor food choices the very days that I've promised I would make good choices, I've become less consistent with my exercise even though I know I feel best when I exercise, I don't clean my house enough, I am not getting enough done with my videos even though I know I feel best when I work hard, I feel angry at the world sometimes..... I feel my life lacks meaning right now. I feel like a weak-willed person. I am selfish and not helping others in the world. I do not like myself this week.

This depression (or whatever it's called that I struggle with it) is not all the time. It's decidedly cyclical. I've considered it could be peri-menopause or something like that, too.

Anyway. Back on the horse today. I have my to-do list and I always feel grand on the days I get through it. Perhaps today will be one of those days.

NO NEWS.

Thanks for the sardine and english muffin description! I have never had a sardine before actually...

Im sorry you are having a hard time lately. I really relate to what you are saying. I feel like I have been fighting depression again as well, even though my life is great on paper. And, I don't tend to be depressed. I also wonder if it's perimenopause, especially as I seem to always have very low level headaches.

I also have really had to avoid the news. I uninstalled my news app on my phone and I have been only reading books when I want to look at the news. Its hard though because news is a quick bite, and a book is harder to get into and then when I am in, I don't want to get out. Argh! Anyway, this is YOUR check in, just wanted to commiserate and let you know you aren't alone.

Ugh, I appreciate your honesty and relate so much. It’s never enough. I always seem to be falling short somewhere and when i do manage to stay in top of things, i still feel guilty for not doing more for others or not being more accomplished. I guess it’s human nature. Im listening to Wired to Worry and it’s really fascinating. She talks about how are brains are wired to look for the negative as a kind of protective mechanism snd how we really aren’t programmed to be happy. The author shows you how to rewire your brain for happiness. Anyway Im not explaining it well but it is really helping.

I suffer from depression and take wellbutrin which really helps but not everyone needs meds especially if it’s just something that comes once in awhile. But it really is such a tough thing to grapple with. People don’t realize it’s not something one can just snap out of. For me thats like telling me to snap out of the flu. Well no, i have to get meds and let it run its course, unfortunately.

Anyway enough rambling. Big hugs and let’s hope tomorrow is better.

Thanks Pinkie and Linda. Pinkie, btw, don't ever feel you can't share your own experience on my thread. That's what a conversation is, after all. I like it. Of course, easy for me to say since basically that's what I do on everyone's thread. Ha! Thank you for commiserating with me! And I'm trying the book thing too - I always have something I'm reading but it definitely doesn't instantly give me a pick me up.

Linda, in all my life I've never felt like I've tried harder to "snap out of it". I can't tell you how often I've been contemplating (usually while in the car for some reason) my situation and I think "I am trying my best. I really, truly am trying my best to snap out of it." Then yesterday when I had this same thought, I had another thought on its heels: "Maybe all this time you're letting yourself off the hook and you're NOT really trying hard. You're just rationalizing your laziness." My goodness what a task-master I have in there!

OK, so this morning when I got up I immediately took the dogs on a short jog. I've been skipping this with the excuse that a) it's dark and I want to wait for light out; and b) it's hard to walk them together in the neighborhood. But we didn't see anyone, they actually were pretty good this morning, and I was reminded of all those years pre-COVID when I looked forward to my dark morning walks. There is a peace in the pre-dawn time. I feel kind of enveloped in the protection of the dark, like I'm sliding my way through life without anyone noticing me. It's a nice feeling - not sure if I described it properly. Anwyay, I've been doing so many long hikes recently, but I really need to use those morning hours for more video work this month, so I'll plan to do these immediate morning walks - first thing - and then if I can go again later when it's light out, I'll be happy for that but not expect it.

I have a pretty good morning routine in place, and assuming I avoid the news, I should be able to get it all done pretty quickly and then work on my videos. This morning I'm on track.

Friday, February 5

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: tuna fish on sourdough bread
1 glass of wine

Moving
1 walk, 1 workout

Thanks auto! I appreciate that. I feel the same way. I love it when people post their experiences on my thread. It does feel like a conversation and I am happy to know that others relate through the sharing of their experiences. I just don't want to be misinterpreted as not caring what the other person has to say and only wanting to talk about myself. I feel that is an even more tricky boundary to navigate via text. So I am glad you feel the same way!

I am glad your early morning walk helped you. I liked your description of sliding your way through life without anyone noticing you. I think I know what you mean. I like that feeling too.

Glad you are on track!

Hi Auto, I've always enjoyed walking after dark, perhaps for similar reasons.

Auto, sorry to read you are feeling low. We are living in strange times. Go easy on yourself, it's hard to plan when everything is changing by the week.

Your walks sound good, concentrate on things that make you feel good. Life doesn't have to be a battle.

Hugs

Jx

Thanks Soprano! The good news is that even just two days of NO NEWS has improved my mental health. This happened back in December when I stopped news-watching, too, so I don't think it's a coincidence.

Saturday, February 6

131.2

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, bacon & eggs
L: tuna fish on toast
D: at a friend's house - veggies & dip, 2 cookies, 1 slice bread w/brie

Moving
morning walk and climbing gym

No news is good news!

Jx

Soprano wrote: ↑

Sat Feb 06, 2021 6:19 pm

No news is good news!

Jx

LOL!

Glad the no news is helping your mental state! I find it really helps mine as well.

Yep Pinkie! I'm doing better!
So today is the Superbowl! Always a big day in our house. I like both teams. I'm sure I'll be happy for whichever team wins, and sad for whichever team loses!!

Sunday, February 7

131.6

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: tuna fish w/yogurt & pickles, 3 cups of milk
D: 2 cups of milk, ham slices

Moving
Walk first thing. Felt good. Going to keep this up. Even though the walk is not as long as the hikes that I do later, I like it because it sets my morning off to a good start but doesn't eat too much into my most productive video-making time (since I am FAR more efficient earlier in the day).

Good for you for getting a walk in this morning!

I am excited for the Super Bowl too! I only started watching it a few years ago, but now I am into it. I am also excited because I am happy for either team to win. Last year I REALLY didn't want Tom Brady to win(just because he has won so much before, I usually root for the underdog) so the suspense was hard to handle! This year I am like, wow if he wins with the Buc's good for him. None of our kids like football though so it will probably be just me and dh.

Hope you have a fun super bowl day! We are more of baseball fans but will watch for halftime, commercials and of course the puppy bowl.

Monday, February 8

131.2

Eating
B: coffee w/cream, 1 glass of milk
L: yogurt w/berries
D: cheeseburger w/onion, tomato, pickle, bacon; 2 glasses of milk

Moving
Walk done. Taking Creator swimming tonight - we were able to reserve part of the rec pool for an hour.

Tuesday, February 9

131.0

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: beef stew w/carrots, celery, potato, 1 glass of milk

Moving
Walk completed; workout tonight

Today I get my IUD out. I'm not looking forward to that speculum......or the sharp nervey pain.

Feeling a bit depressed again today, but not terrible. I'm hoping it lifts soon.

Ergh, sorry you have to get your IUD out today. I hope it is less painful than you expected and goes quickly. I hate the speculum and all that accompanies it.

Pinkie - the removal was a breeze! I was in and out of the office in less than 20 minutes, and it was no problem at all! Yay! I am now, after 11.5 years, IUD free. I have actually had a really good experience with it - no or light periods, no noticeable side effects. The only bad part was getting each one inserted, so that's probably why yesterday was so easy, since they were only removing it.

I was actually a bit torn about getting another one, because my sisters have been having really heavy periods as they've gotten closer to menopause, and I hope that doesn't happen to me. But I decided to have it taken out because a) I don't need it anymore (Sexy finally got a vasectomy); and b) I felt instinctively that I'll be healthier if I allow my own hormones to do their thing again. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, February 10

131.something

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: leftover stew with avocado slices on top
D: tuna salad w/cheese on top

Moving
Walk planned

Last night I had insomnia. I was just wide awake, thinking about things. I finally read a few old hymns (!) that were surprisingly calming to me.

I've been really focused on my morning routine (going well) and now I'm going to add an evening routine. This will, I'm sure, be harder, because I am such a slug after dinner.

Great news about the IUD removal! I am glad it was quick and no problem. I have not had an IUD before, but the light periods sound nice. For me and approaching menopause my periods seem to cycle. A few heavy ones in a row and then a few lighter ones... we will see what happens. I am looking forward to the skipping periods part.

Good luck with the new evening routine!

Pleased to hear the removal was pain free.

I hate it when I wake at daft o'clock and can't get back to sleep.

Good luck with the evening routine

Jx

Ugh on insomnia! I have this really weird game i plsy when i cant sleep. I pick a food and go through the alphabet to name different types of the food like apple muffins, banana muffins, carrot muffins etc. My family loves to make fun of this habit. My food obsession never ends apparently. Anyway, hymns definitely seems more meaningful.

Pinkie - my evening routine, as suspected, was tricky. HOWEVER, a big victory is that instead of being a slug after dinner last night, I worked on our taxes. Almost done. Thank you TurboTax for saving me so much stress. I can't believe there was a time I did our taxes by hand.

I slept much better last night. Soprano, I remember first hearing you say "daft oclock" on your thread and it made me laugh. That's a perfect description. Linda, that is pretty funny that your insomnia routine is about making up foods that start with certain letters. And muffins - there's no end to muffin types! Like a road trip game!

Thursday, February 11

130.8 (I am going to be quite pleased when this finally dips into the 120's again)

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries, 1 glass of milk
D: salmon patty w/cheese, bacon, tomato, onion, pickles

Moving
Walk finished, weight-lifting reservation for tonight

Feeling continually better with each passing day away from media. It's been a week now.

Good job working on your taxes! We use Tax Act and I agree, its so much easier now! We used to use an accountant before that.

Glad you slept better last night! Linda I love the food routine for insomnia! I do affirmations when I can't sleep. Anti-anxiety affirmations especially. I think it bores me to sleep!

Friday, February 12

130.0 (I got on twice to see if it would read 129.9 LOL!!! Very unlike me to be "hoping" for a certain weight, but in this case, I DO NOT want to erode all the hard work I've done over the past few years trying to get to and maintain a healthier weight - for me it truly is about joints, blood sugar, heart health, and avoiding dementia!!)
I've really been more easily sticking to my food plan this past week. I think the shift occurred when I decided to allow myself as MUCH milk as I wanted as I was easing away from some of the processed foods I'd been eating too much of.... and it really helped. The nourishment in the milk I get (6% milkfast, A2 cows, grass-fed) I think somehow hits my satiety signals just enough to keep away the bread and chips cravings.

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
between lunch & dinner: glass of milk
D: leftover beef stew

Moving
Walk finished, climbing tonight

I continue to flourish (? did I really just write that?) - that's maybe an exaggeration, but I'm starting to bloom, or starting to thrive, or something good like that. Here is my pep talk to myself: Auto! Stay away from news about things that are out of your control! Stay focused, Auto, on the things that you can make good choices about - getting your video work done, trying to love the people that you don't like, trying to forgive the people that have hurt you, and being quick to listen (especially to your hubby and sons, who you spend most of your day with!!), and SLOW to speak. You got this Auto!

My morning routine includes an element called "encouragement". This has morphed from its original idea, which was to take fuzzy socks, tea, and cards to the nearby retirement home. Well, that idea is stalling out, because they won't answer their phones when I'm trying to drop things off, and they have told me to wait to hear back from them before bringing items, and then they haven't emailed like they said they would. I wanted something more .... consistent.... since it's not my normal nature to think of others and this is already hard for me. So now I've found a groove. I have all those cards, tea bags, stamps, bible verses on cute business cards, the whole set-up, and so each morning I write a card to someone. I actually realized I know more people that would appreciate these cards - between my parents, Sexy's parents, Sexy's still-living 95 year old Grandma (in a retirement home), a retired co-worker, my sisters (!), and it seems like every day someone new comes to mind. This is what I should be doing instead of looking at the news and feeling angry about things out of my control.

But I will admit it's weird in that I have trouble .... "seeing" who I am. Sometimes I think - wow, I really like encouraging people! - but then that doesn't seem to fit with the side of me that is very practical and efficient and ... impatient and tough-minded. I don't always know who I am or how I'm seen. But, in this case, I'm surprised that this confused image of myself actually tempts me to NOT write nice cards to people. Now if that's not messed up. Sheesh.

That is great that you are feeling so much better! It's amazing how the news can affect our mental health these days! But it makes sense when you look at what has happened in regards to news and how it is presented over the years.

That is such a nice thing to send a card to people you know! My English honor society tried to send things and letters to residents and it was really hard with privacy laws and safety protocols and it didn't end up working out.

I have been thinking a lot about how I am perceived and how I truly am lately. I think you said you have read Tolle right? It reminds me of when he says we all have a story that our ego tells us about ourselves. As far as being encouraging... You are really encouraging and supportive on here! I think of you as an encouraging person.

It's interesting how important milk is for you and your feel good health. Its so awesome that you have figured that out.

I love your pep talk. I think we are all many things. We are complicated so you can be both encouraging & tough minded. Although mostly on here i just see your encouraging side which is something ive always admired about you. You also are so great at complimenting ppl in a meaningful way. So cool that you are putting your energies towards lifting ppl up. It’s funny because ive been thinking about volunteering at a retirement home. Ive always had a soft spot for elderly ppl for some reason. My mom likes to tell him i would run up to seniors and hug them whenever we were in the grocery stores. I think it’d be very rewarding to do that kind of volunteer work.

Glad the news break is helping. I swear ive barely looked at the news since the election. Its been heavenly although i do feel slightly guilty about it. I figure i can still do my part to make the world a better place though. The problem with the news is that it can give ome the impression that the world is falling apart 24/7, but if you take a minute to look around things are usually pretty fine 95% of the time. It just gives a very skewed perspective i think.

Auto as said by Linda and Pink, you are a very encouraging person on here and always so positive

I am crossing everything in the hope you break 130 tomorrow!!

You seem to have your eating back on track, just a little patience now.

Keep on being you, we love you.

Jx

Pinkie - I read (and reread) two Tolle books last spring, and I especially enjoyed listening to a multi-part podcast series with Eckhart and Oprah. My ego tells me LOTS of stories about myself! And I'm not normally a big milk drinker (as you know, I am a yogurt-gal), but for some reason this just seemed like the right move as I tried to adjust away from certain foods that I can't seem to moderate.

Linda - that is really cute about you and the senior citizens when you were a little girl! And I love the idea of you volunteering in a retirement home! Sadly, the ones here are locked up very tightly. The residents are not allowed to ever leave their rooms; no visitors allowed. Meals delivered to them in their rooms. Since last March.... I'm having difficulty even arranging a drop-off time for my cards because the front doors are locked and there is no one at the front desk to answer when I call. I keep waiting to hear back, but I found the entire situation was just giving me more "COVID frustration", and the whole point of my cards was to try and focus on positive things, not dwell on the negative! I so agree with you about the news skewing things. I was listening to a podcast where they explained that most people, when asked about the state of the world, think it's quite bad. Then they are asked about their country, and they think it's bad, but not as bad as the whole world. Then they are asked about their state, and it's bad, but not as bad as the country. Then they are asked about their city or neighborhood, and it's not so bad at all! It goes back to my constant refrain that humans are not designed to handle tragedy from every corner, 24/7. We are a resilient species, but I think we can only handle "neighborhood-sized tragedy". Ha! And as far as following everything, I am trying to be at peace with being informed "enough" - meaning I should learn about issues before I vote, but I don't need to stay totally involved the rest of the time. So let's go help out in our neighborhoods, shall we?

Thank you, Soprano, for telling me I am encouraging and positive. Oh, and I didn't weigh this morning! We got SNOW!!!! 5 inches and it's STILL coming down! So at 6:30am Creator had us all awake and he and Sexy and I (not Challenger - the 15 year old could not be convinced to leave the warmth of his bed!) took the dogs to the nearby elementary school and let them run so much! They both loved it, but Flowerpup is like a snow dog! HappyHerder gets those little snowballs all over his leg fur, which annoys him to no end. It was a great start to our morning!

Saturday, February 13

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: last of the beef stew with sardines added, 1 glass of milk
2 more big glasses of milk

Moving
Morning walk completed, evening walk planned

Sounds like things are going really well for you Auto!! I really winder if doing something like avoiding news leaves you feeling so much emotionally better that all other areas of life fall into place. At least that seems to be the case for me, when I feel emotionally good I’m a better mom, wife, and worker and overall feel enthusiastic about my to do’s!!

And I’ve read a lot on calcium & weight. Especially in mid-life for women there seems to be a big correlation to more calcium (from fairly especially) to lower weight so I wonder if adding milk & having good results could be linked to that at all!!

Yay for snow! Sounds so fun to take your dogs and let them run with the family. I hope you are having a super fun snow day at home today!

I need to re-read Tolle soon. I feel like every once in a while it is good to get a little refresher.

I have read the same thing about calcium and lower weight. Very interesting!

dairy is also pretty nicely linked with lower risk of type II diabetes!

Sunday, February 14 Happy Valentine's Day!

131.6

My weight is still not moving much downward, but I am not discouraged (not today anyway). My habits are progressing nicely, and ultimately I can't control the scale at all, and I can barely control my habits! LOL! So I think I'm doing pretty good, especially in light of working hard recently to moderate my alcohol more strictly, lift weights, get back on point food-wise, and avoid the news. My morning routine is really getting quite solid.

Here's what I notice though - many times when I get in a groove with my habits and routines, something comes along (or I find something?!) that knocks me off the rails and it takes me awhile to struggle up the embankment, through the snow, and get my little handcart back on the tracks. A year ago, I was so dialed in with my eating and exercise. Then I just had to get my adorable crazy Flowerpup, who was in short order bitten by HappyHerder, and I had one of my week-long anxiety attacks. During that time, I didn't eat really at all, and then when I started eating again, I was pretty off-habit. By March I was getting my feet under me again, and then COVID hit and I was working from home and everything felt different. In essence, I struggled all of 2020 and into 2021. I will say this - I never completely threw in the towel. I kept up my posting (actually that's so ingrained it requires no will power!), but my eating and drinking was wobbly. I felt like I was balancing on narrow log all year, wobbling from side to side, sometimes entirely falling off the log and having to scramble back up onto it again.

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: 1 glass of milk, ham

Moving
morning walk coming up - I woke up extra early so I wanted to wait until it's getting closer to dawn.
Morning walk complete and it was really beautiful snow!
Then I shoveled snow for two of my neighbors and my own driveway! That was quite a workout. Took an Espsom Salt bath afterwards!

Im so glad you’re starting to feel better and getting your groove back. I notice if i just keep hanging in there when things get rough, they do eventually turn around. I guess thats that all important grit they talk about, right? I have no doubt your weight will start to come back down as well. I remember how ironchef used to say that sometimes the scale takes awhile to catch up to our habits. What happened to her btw? Hate when ppl disappear.

Anyway, happy V-day!

Ah ironchef and ironbaby and then ironbaby 2 (I can't remember what she called the second kiddo). I bet she's doing great, biking constantly during COVID!

Monday, February 15

132.0

Eating
B: coffee w/collagen proteins (out of milk!)
L: yogurt w/berries
D: hamburger patty w/cheese, pickles, tomato, onion, 1 glass of milk
1 glass of wine

Moving
Heading out for a walk right now - it is going to be SO slushy out there from the 1 foot of melting snow!

The same thing happens with me and habit with things knocking me off my routine. For me it is usually a physical malady of some sort. Like my toenail... or an ankle.. It is frustrating but all we can do is keep on keeping on and continuing the focus on our habits. I think that consistency will be useful and rewarding in the long run.

Pinkie - yes, I've SEEN you go through rough patches with physical things - but you always keep on keeping on. You are very tenacious.

Tuesday, February 16

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: ground beef in bone broth w/broccoli, cheese

Moving
I am so tired today! Not sure why, but I'm going to skip my morning walk and hopefully go later.

I got a smile on my face when I saw you describe me as tenacious. No one has ever described me that way before!

I hope you start feeling less tired! Are your kids getting a snow day to take off from school at all?

Hey Pinkie! I think you ARE tenacious in spirit - you just keep a low profile.

The snow perfectly timed itself for the entire weekend! And then with President's Day, they ended up with zero snow days.

Wednesday, February 17

131.6

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: tuna fish w/mayo, pickles, and cheese

Moving
Morning walk completed. Climbing this evening. Evening walk

Low profile tenacious spirit. I like it. more smiling.

That is cool your kids get President's day off! We don't down here. Your snow did time itself perfectly.

I wish we could get some snow down here in the South. We had flurries the other day, but it didn't stick. T_T

Sammy - the snow here is pretty rare, so we sure love it when it arrives!

Thursday, February 18

132.0

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: wasn't hungry - took a long nap instead!!! I think I'm on mental overload right now
D: yogurt w/berries

Moving
Morning walk completed; weight lifting appt this afternoon

I've quit drinking again. Not sure exactly for how long. I have been using this great little program called Cutback Coach for the past few months and I definitely found it useful for making sure I had several dry days each week. However, I still don't like how much I have to THINK about drinking (or not, as the case may be).
I feel I am in a tough spot, because after quitting for over a year, I felt like the same person. I didn't have some oooh-wooow-life is so much better experience alcohol-free (like I read about in the quit lit). I felt the same as always, and still a little deprived of one of my few outlets for pleasure in life. So I started drinking again last May or June, and here I am again - I drink too much - but not really having a WHY for quitting. I think it's abundantly clear that I can't be a "meh" drinker, that takes it or leaves it. I LOVE the buzz - it's what I seek when I drink. It takes a LOT of mental work for me to moderate my drinking to levels that fit with the idea I have in my head of a normal drinker. But just saying I'd like to not waste so much time moderating my drinking is not exactly super motivating.

So as I contemplate another extended alcohol-free period, I don't see anything to really look forward to. I know it's not magical for me.

I am super struggling with my "WHYs" for quitting. Nothing feels powerful enough to motivate me. But alas, here I am, having decided to quit for awhile. Maybe with a few weeks of abstinence under my belt, I'll come up with better whys.

Maybe I need to go read my annual post that I titled "The Year I Quit Drinking". LOL.

I think it would definitely be helpful to go back and read your old thread and maybe the posts you posted in your check in when you decided to quit drinking and how you felt through the process. Sometimes we need a reminder of things we thought we had learned.

Thanks Pinkie. I did reread my 6 year testimonial, and it was interesting and useful.

Friday, February 19

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: yogurt w/berries
D: 2 glasses of milk, collagen proteins

Moving
Morning walk completed; this afternoon I'm hiking with a friend

I've been so diligent this week. I've worked really hard, I've taken care of my family, exercised, eaten well. I still am not fast enough on these videos, but these past few weeks have helped me be more sure that it's not that I'm lazy, but just bit off more than I can chew. Sometimes, mid-day, I feel a bit discouraged with my progress, so I take a "creative juices" nap (Creator and I laugh about that), and I go lay down. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I just let me mind wander without pressure, and sometimes a picture will appear in my mind about how to explain a topic. Don't knock naps, haha!

Glad your testimony was interesting and useful! I don't know how often I go back and re read words I wrote and learn something from them that I didn't realize at the time. It's probably why I journal so much.

Creative juices naps are a great idea! I know for problem-solving just stepping away from it sometimes is the best way to have the solution just pop in.

The drinking dilemma is so annoying. I still struggle with appropriate amounts but don’t feel ready to do another sober challenge. I thought doing the EOD fasting would help but then actually used part of my 500 calories to have a glass of wine the other night so yeah... it’s an ongoing struggle to keep things moderate. It’s like some ppl have with sweets but with more dire consequences I guess.

My motivation is limited too. Originally it did feel great to just prove to myself that I didn’t need alcohol to get through social situations but now that I’ve done that. I didn’t have any major improvements from giving up alcohol either although I do remembering feeling like my mind was shaper. As long as I don’t go over 3 drinks my sleep isn’t too effected. I do remember a relief it was just not to have to wrestle with the “should I have a drink or not” question so that’d probably be my biggest why. One less thing for my brain to have to deal with. It’s kind of like that relief I get from firm boundaries around food with NoS or fasting. I don’t have to worry about if I should eat or what I should eat or how much I should eat for a large part of the day or I guess now week for me. Before that these questions ran through my brain 24/7. Exhausting.

Anyway, sorry for the novel but hope you find a solution that feels good and works for you.

Linda - I really appreciate that you can relate to my alcohol dilemma. I do totally think it is parallel to how some people struggle with sweets. I guess we all have our own places to struggle. Sigh.

Saturday, February 20

130.8

Eating
B: coffee w/cream
L: 1 glass of milk
D: 1 glass of milk, 2 hot dogs

Moving
Apparently today is another slug day...... I should have already gotten out there walking but I'm just sitting here with my coffee staring out the window. But eventually maybe I'll get moving. And tonight I'm taking the boys ROLLER SKATING!!! Yes - the rink is open again! To support the rink I bought the boys their own roller skates at Christmas - they FINALLY get to use them tonight. And each is bringing a friend or two, so my Toyota Highlander will have its 3rd row up! And to support the rink I buy the kids as much horrible food there as they want. The rink opened up a GoFundMe - which confirmed in my mind just how close they are to the edge. The owners had to take out from their retirement fund to keep things going. And as I've mentioned here before, roller skating rinks aren't common anymore. Once one closes in a town..... that's pretty much it - no one else opens a rink.

That's great that you support your roller rink. It never occurred to me that our local rink could be struggling, but I am sure it is. We have roller derby leagues here, not sure if they are continuing on. And going skating at the rink every Saturday night is something I used to do in my late teens. It was Christian skate night with one of my best friends but we had a whole social scene going on there. Ahhh memories. I love that you take your boys and their friends!

Linda/Pink: I always love reading about your alcohol experiments!! Me too on the going through phases where I cut back & finding the numbers creeping back up again. I also am someone who just doesn’t get enough out of eliminating them. My sleep isn’t that affected (unless I have too many) and I don’t notice weight loss, a better mood, or other things that seem to happen for others. When I skip them I actually feel like I can’t relax & tend to keep accomplishing things & am in a bigger hurry to get to bed than on nights when do I include drinks. Those nights I’m more likely to slow down & have good conversation & be more connected with my husband/family. I have started really working on paying attention to when having a drink is worth with it & when it’s not though. Everyday I keep track & write about the experience. I really want to be someone who can have enjoy a night without (and learn to relax) & who isn’t always having “one more”, so right now I’m just working to be REALLY mindful when I do have them & really questioning if it’s worth it, why I feel like I need it, & the actual effect it has on me with each drink.

Hi auto, just checking in and catching up on your thread and so much of it rings true. Especially the cyclical struggle.
I find this year in a particular has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions and motivation and energy. I’m mainly working on staying grateful and keeping my anxiety in check. Your words about spirituality have actually had a profound effect on my mood and I’ve delved back into this which was really helpful.

I sadly have no idea about the drinking. I kind of just drink on Saturdays but that’s due to being easily hung over and that’s a bad combo with two young (and very loud) children in the house .