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monthly check in

Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 2:35 am
by abelincoln
first time posting a daily check in. Let stress get the better of me.

looked at faucet in front of house, saw that there was leakage, fear that it will freeze, go unnoticed, and creat a flood in my house, which trigger lots of anger.

I pigged out on some leftover junk, didnt even enjoy it

more difficulties

Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 1:47 am
by abelincoln
I made it to thanksgiving break, but broke down when i got there. Spent today doing fine, then when night came i had dinner and then decided to make it an s day. This made me upset and want to quit it all.

But i will see what tomorrow brings. Im trying to get my soul in the right place

Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 2:46 am
by abelincoln
I don't know what I am doing lately family drama and possibly nerves but it is close to Thanksgiving we ate out at Schlotzsky's and I had a Cinnabon + ate off my kids plate I took a half s day because that is what I do if I only eat one meal wrong during the day I feel terrible about this because it is embarrassing to talk about so many mistakes in a row

Re: more difficulties

Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 4:39 am
by osoniye
abelincoln wrote:i had dinner and then decided to make it an s day.
Hi, abelincoln-
Just stopped in to suggest maybe trying to do just plain NoS for a while. The ideas of taking half S days or deciding partway during the day to call it an S day, for many of us has been a recipe for failure. Doing straight NoS for some months before trying any of the more advanced strategies seems to work well. If your S days don't fall nicely on the weekend for whatever reason, I don't think here is anything inherently unhelpful about having them on 2 different days of the week. But what I have observed on these boards is that other mods done early on make the system break down, generally. Of course everyone is different. I wish you well, and hope this system works as well for you has it has for many of us!

Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 4:44 am
by abelincoln
Yeah. Im just trying to make it fit.

I have only knowledge of myself, of which im trying to gain control.

Thanks. Will reevaluate, maybe focusing on results too much than behavior,

Then again i dont want to conceed when i feel im only stumbling not falling

Have a good thanksgiving

off schedule, sleeping in

Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 11:56 pm
by abelincoln
Its my first set of major holidays on no s and other systems ive been doing.. for full disclosure there was an all night shopping spree and changing phones.. plus my wife and I both fed off of each others breaking the rules.

Anyway, today my only strike is sleeping in.

But this month im getting an F as compared to 3 months of B's

took a sick day

Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 6:37 pm
by abelincoln
I wasn't feeling good. (truth be told i think it was more of a feeling bad about myself personally and also feeling that i messed up, and said "what the hell")

anyway i argued with my wife the night before about an issue with my kids and woke up decided to sleep an extra 10 minutes... a strike on my habitcal.... working from home, not major problem but anyway, i decided what the hell and slept some more, a couple hours.

so now i also missed urban ranger and shovel glove. i will be playing catch up for the rest of the day.

no more lies, not here

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:35 pm
by abelincoln
Hello reinhard, and others... I have something that's been difficult for me to say, for fear i might lose respect, friends, or be embarassed.

You see 10 years ago I was a troubled young man with some problems that I had to overcome, drugs, alcohol, and was just generally a deviant type person. I had no friends, no girlfriend, only thing i had was my job, working for my uncle, i was able to make what i thought was a comfortable wage but i was always worried i would lose it. I will throw this in as a source of pride but i was making over 100k for several years.

Then i met a wonderful woman, but she lived 100 miles away. My first desire was to move my inventory of what i sold online, and move to the city where she lived... but my family, my uncle, they wouldn't budge and let me go. for i worked with my sister as well and nobody wanted her to lose a job. and my uncle didn't want to worry more about things as he only got to see me rarely as the manager that he was, he lived in texas and looked from afar, didn't like me to move.

Looking back if i could have cooly calculated my next moves and cooperated i might have pulled something off that wouldn't have led to disaster. what did happen was that i got stiff as a brick wall and mean as a tyrant, and told my family i was moving to this other city to be with, my wife as i wanted her to be at that time. they fought back, and used my job as their leverage telling me they'd take it away and would leave me with nothing.

nothing is very hard for me to move on with. I don't really have many people skills, my business job only required over the phone, and i had nobody looking over my shoulder often times to tell me when i did wrong. that business thrived, but i knew i wouldn't hack it in the "real world" very well, and that i wouldn't make any money. and there was trouble brewing with my then girlfriends parents and family too, about some of the anger I'd brought to them as well. they were angry at me too, and were also angry at their daughter.

i don't know if this is making sense, and i've left out a good deal, but what you should know is i was getting angrier and angrier, and also was mildly delusional and somewhat violent. what finally happened was i attempted with a gun to end my life. put it loaded in my mouth pulled the trigger, but it wasn't cocked i guess. so i had a terrific sense of hey, now i feel like i've stood above my problems and paid the ultimate price that i could have, because i pulled that trigger, i wanted to die, not just because everything was caving in on me, but because of every problem i'd ever brought on my family. well naturally you can't do this sort of thing without police involvement and family interaction.

man this is a long story... so at this time i felt like i had a second chance and probably would have been fine if somebody would have granted me that. but everyone wanted to get me through treatment and such so that i'd never do this again... great that's fine, but let me tell you intensive treatment and pills are not a cake walk. i ended up fighting the system a bunch and they fought back by keeping me hospitalized and given daily therapy.

somehow i held onto my girlfriend, i can't say this first time was enough to get me back in the right frame of mind. I was given my job back with the warning that i wouldn't be in charge anymore. daily i was told that i was doing things wrong, wife fought with me a bunch. i was paid less than before, and the sore spot began to fester again because now i was known as the out of control looney person. i got out of control again in christmas 2004, and was again taken for treatment, this time for 5 months.

again somehow i held on to my (now wife). at this point she was pregnant, and i lost out on being around for my childs development in the womb. and i lost my job forever this time, my uncle taking it back to texas to be managed there. lost all assets exept house and car, racked up a huge medical bills that i didn't even authorize.

but what did happen was I was able to find out about getting disability benefits for a mental illness (which i never really felt i had), but I knew my people skills weren't there anymore, and that the previous business i was in was a one hit wonder of sorts, meaning my income would never be that good again not in a million years. now this disability thing wasn't my cup of tea, never did i want to live off the government i spent my entire childhood hating people that lived that way, growing up in a family that felt that way. but with a ruined reputation and a shaken confidence, (i'd tried to get a couple jobs briefly and i don't know if i have Aspergers but i certainly don't have many people skills), so i knew i had to do something at the urging of my wife... at this point i was thinking again about ending it for myself.

but i learned that i could get a considerable income off of disability due to my high paying job previously, so that warmed my heart... what followed is i was let out a week before my sons birth, and I was able to be a dad for awhile, an unemployed food bank going dad who could have had it all and blew it. i knew i couldn't get a job now because i was told if i tried i'd lose the ability to win the disability application... so i tried in vain to start a business with the same functions as the one i was in with my uncle during this time, but alas, couldn't pull it off this time around. more competition and being too far behind to make it back to success.

One day i was in the car with my wife, son, and grandmother, they were telling me that maybe i could turn things around if i kept hope for achieving a disability income, i got a little angry, this having been a year later and not having any income at this point and a house payment that was eating me alive at this point.. i said, you know what my chances aren't any more than 1 in 10 that i would get any benefits, so drop it. and they did, but told me i needed to think positively. i thought, sure after all of this and now it looks like i'm going to lose it all think positively, sure... but the next week brought a letter that i'd been approved for benefits... this changed quite a bit for me, it gave me some small hope.

so from then on, i went on to have one more kid, another boy, got a vasectomy, and tried to be a dad. it's hard when you have a bad reputation you have to hide, and aren't good with people, to interact with other parents. you feel like you have to lie (even though i'm sure they can all see through it and see i don't work, but out in the real world, i still say i work for my uncle). certainly all this means, my kids have some problems making friends when i keep to myself and the only things saving them is an outgoing wife, i don't want them to turn out like me, and certainly i struggle to be a good dad.

my family has come back to me, now for support, it's been another 9 1/2 years since my first son was born. i've let myself get fat a time or 2, lost it again and then quit.

also it seems like i fear for now and worry every day about my kids

now i'm struggling again to make it, my own goals for myself are to lose weight and to exercise, and to be a good dad, keep up on chores, ect. often times when i fail at one i get mad about and mess up another.

today I decided to end the lies.

it was getting to be too murky for me to come on here and confess a strike on my habitcal.. hard to tell the world i overslept today and ruined my day. how do i combat a problem when somebody reads my confession and says doesn't this guy have a job? how does he screw up like this and not get fired from his job?

so i told myself, this bulletin board, this is where i won't lie... this is where i will tell the ugly truth.. this is where i will account for my problems, even if i sound like a misguided child, this is where for the sake of fixing something broken, i won't hold back, and won't lie.

even if i sound like an irresponsible loser, i will open up about it and possibly get a little support, maybe some peace of mind, and no matter, rise from the ashes. maybe i won't fly again, but i can make it just a little farther each time, and prove to myself that this time... i didn't give up.


Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:27 pm
by tobiasmom
Thanks for your vulnerability! You can do this..... one step in front of the other. We all struggle... and hide our faults to the world. Isn't it nice to have a place out here on the web to tell it like it really is??? You have so much to live for.... your wife and kids! Fight for it, buddy 😊

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:39 pm
by abelincoln
thanks so much it felt good to get things off my chest and I know I have a lot to live for even though my own personal choices have led me to a place that isn't ideal there is still much to live for. I had been doing very good with No S. I know I can do it again. today telling this story was about the only thing that felt right the only thing that felt like it might give me another chance so again I thank you. And thank God for all I have

Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2014 6:50 pm
by abelincoln
i've been like a pinball lately (and not racking up many points).

my switcheroos in my habitual morning time behaviors have thrown me off kilter

instead of following the plan i've been questioning the plan. using conscious willpower to decide rather than habit... and it's scary i don't know how to get it back. so as much as i hate it i'm having to take most of the day off. it will make lots of reds on my habitcal.

Missed urban ranger or shovel glove done. not giving myself a 2nd chance either they are to be done in the morning.

that's all. feeling pretty negative right now.

Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 11:45 pm
by abelincoln
we stayed at my parents house playing video games till 12 o'clock came home didn't get to sleep till 130 then of course I slept in missing some of my morning routine habitcal items

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:08 pm
by abelincoln
we had to wake up early take the kids to the dentist I forgot my rule about not dozing while in a chair I sort of slept for a while on the bright side I got shoveglove done

Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 5:57 pm
by abelincoln
I am just had a string of bad days probably last until the 26th

Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 4:16 pm
by abelincoln
I have been giving up on the entire day when I wake up late (because I thought that by not allowing a "fix", by not "lowering the stakes" or making it ok to start on the wrong foot, I was actually being more better by making myself behave right the first time around, and that I'd eventually get back to doing it right the first time).

but I decided that this problem (waking up late), is getting worse not better, and when I give up on the whole day I sort of just give up... my solution was to get up as soon as I possibly felt I could, and start working on stuff that I would have done earlier. this is not ideal, but at least I can get my feet back in the groove.

my solution was that I would do the work, but since I didn't do it when I wanted to, I wouldn't count it on the habitcal as a success. so there is still some motivation there to really get back on track.

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 12:57 am
by abelincoln
I didn't really eat like a pig day. it's an s day. but i so far failed to do many chores and urban ranger.

we've had much family drama. more like action thriller...

violence betrail, money issues.. i can't say im responsible for all of those but i will say that it overwhelmed me and i "shake it off" (slept it off)

that and unstructured sleep/wake times already killed it for me.

now i have to go watch the corn husker football team play (family tradition)

other than that, a very unsystematic day

Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 2:43 pm
by abelincoln
fight one enemy at a time is what I did today my enemy is the biggest problem that I have and my solution is to win the habitcal what I have done was to fight the enemy of waking up late today and I have succeeded

Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:54 pm
by abelincoln
my daily check-in has become a joke for me all I report are the bad things and most of the things are bad right now I really need to regroup rethink and start fresh and then maybe I will consider writing more of these daily check ins

Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 2:09 pm
by gingerpie
Hi Abelincoln, logging (or journaling) isn't for everyone but if you are getting benefit from it please do continue. If not here, perhaps there is another safe place where you can write about the things that are bothering you. It seems from your posts that there are very many disorganized things happening in your life and If posting helps you make sense of them than I kindly invite you to continue. Please know that I do read them and care.

I truly hope that you find your path and encourage you to keep seeking peace with yourself and your environment.

Kind regards,

Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 3:37 pm
by abelincoln
Thanks gin... the main reason I post is I believe in reinhards system.

I am not 100% sure yet that daily checkin is right for me

I am not much of a craftsman and my wife has me pulling apart the house on top of other things and yes its stressful

Also it seems like every time I turn around there is something new happening like movie going ect

My wifes family lives 125 miles away and weve had to make 4 trips during the holidays.

A month ago I was doing pretty good following my orders, and I felt like king of the world.

Anyway since I havent had solid reasons other than weakend self motivation pushing me, its been tough.

I think my chronic laziness is a really difficult foe. Even when I go a good share to building a habit.

Not sure if im the only one with troubles like that... happy new year

starting over

Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 1:44 pm
by abelincoln
Ive decided to start over with my habitcal.

Will see how I am going to do.

As you can see from my posts ive had difficulty during the holidays

I never do well when my wife and kids are home

Last night I got a bunch of chores done

Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 5:06 pm
by abelincoln
back to feeling like I'm on a roll again
Reinhard: Carve out the time, consistently, provide the external frame for your behavior to happen in, and the frame will get filled in.

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:19 pm
by eschano

Just caught up with some of your thread. It's brilliant that you know this is a safe place. I didn't think anything bad from your story at all.

I think when it comes to NoS in the holiday season you're being very hard on yourself. It's only my third year of NoS but I've already learnt from the last 3 holiday seasons that I go off kilter in December. I just notice it and get on with it once my routine has settled again. January is a great time to restart so good luck!

Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 1:35 am
by abelincoln
thank you eschano for your kind words. I feel like I am back on schedule although maybe a bit lackadaisical in rules. My mood and spirits are good though and it feels good to get back on track my habitcal is going back in the right direction with a few minor bumps on the road. I am always honest with myself and with my wife and kids when i can, but sometimes it's a struggle to find a place or a person besides close family I can relate with so it's almost like a bit of good therapy to get some of these things out in the open so thank you for being there.

Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:18 pm
by abelincoln
I am heading into the weekend doing marginally well I'm doing better than I was in December but there have been a few times where I have allowed a diet pop this week which is not what I have intended also a day or two this week I have woke up 10 or 15 minutes late then I intend both of these are strikes on my habit calendar which does not make me feel very good about it in any case I am reporting it here

Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:46 pm
by abelincoln
One thing that i am proud of though is urban ranger.

it's been pretty frigid, i don't see many others out there urban rangering around....

granted i don't go that far only about 10-12 minutes, but that's not too bad. walking is something that brought me to start exercising even before i knew of reinhard so i was glad i could continue with something that preexisted...

the key for me is warm clothing. 2 coats and a full head/neck ski mask along with ski goggles.

i probably look pretty weird and goofy all bundled up like that... but it sure does keep me warm!!

Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:30 am
by gingerpie
I know what you mean about braving the cold. I make myself dress for the cold and go no matter what the temperature. I have a dog to walk so that helps motivate me (he has a nice thick coat of fur do he loves the cold and snow.) The only other person I see out In these temps is a man with a golden retriever. Hat, hoodie with hood up, scarf covering all but my eyes, coat, gloves, long-johns, heavy pants, two pair of socks and winter boots: it ain't pretty but it gets the job doneand I never ever regret going.

Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 4:17 pm
by abelincoln
I have 2 dogs but they are wild and its hard to take them both for a walk...

Last night there was some marital arguments, and I used them to allow me to eat. Not a true s day, but for me it was. I cut off sunday at lunch so its normally not too bad if I eat friday night, but it was the excess that was the problem

I know that minimal exercise and eating like a binger does, is not a recipe for success

Moderation is the key and I failed

Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:31 pm
by abelincoln
I have problems waking up I guess I have sleep drunkenness probably because I am on mental health pills I'm not quite sure what to do but being drowsy when I wake up is really hurting me.

it’s the one thing that even if i get it right, i’d feel worse about that then if i’d let myself sleep.

there is a conscience thing where i feel bad about sleeping too much. but it’s small compared to how much i need/want that sleep.

so it’s a broken battle. one that i am given to. of course if I’m in a great mood, which is rare, i can sometimes beat it with a good attitude. and when there are things i have to get up for, i can sometimes get up for the moment even though often i go right back to sleep when as soon as i can.

i don’t like to talk about it on the habitcal because it really gets to me. and i’m taking pills so that really doesn’t help either.

Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 2:18 pm
by abelincoln
I had a major argument with my wife kids and grandmother. I told her I was sorry I don't want to get into the details unless somebody wants to private message me. what I came on here to say since yhis is a place for no s related things is that I wish to have a good day even as i keep trying to do well even as I am mending the relationships in my family.

maybe a prayer will do the trick...

Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:28 pm
by gingerpie
I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time of it. Do try to stay focused on what you can do to improve the day and to keep your goals firmly in front of you.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:05 pm
by abelincoln
today I decided to make two changes in the way I do things one of them is I am only going to weigh in once per month and the other one is I am going to only report my daily check in once a month and just go for the average of all the days and tell people how well I've done over the course of a month because I have caught myself sweating the small stuff


Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 7:01 pm
by abelincoln
I must admit I had to suck the gut in just a little bit I am Not sure what I weigh I won't weigh for a while


Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 7:25 pm
by gingerpie
Congratulations. Perseverance pays off.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:06 pm
by abelincoln
true if I hadn't done something who knows where I'd be in a couple years I'm very thankful for finding the information and support on this website that's helped me a great deal

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 11:12 pm
by eschano
Impressive! Gut sucked in or not.

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 10:09 pm
by abelincoln
I am in the middle of a messed up day what do I do? do I use what little time I have left and try to cram everything that I was supposed to do in the whole day? or do I wait till tomorrow and do better or do I just do part of what I was going to do or do I just do my best.

I haven't got my Rocky Balboa come back song or pride today...

does anyone have a method for combating a day like this that has served them well

I could just say don't be lazy but that's not enough info for me

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:04 pm
by gingerpie
I'd say just do your best. Focus on the single most important thing to do right now. Realistically, what else can you do? Tomorrow is going to roll around even if today was a wash.

Is there anything you can do today that will make tomorrow more productive? If so, maybe that should be your priority. Sometimes, being ready for the day is the first step in tackling it.

Certainly, don't bother to berate yourself. It won't make today better and will just make tomorrow that much harder. Kindness is always the best option, even when talking to ourselves

Hope tomorrow world out better for you.

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 2:57 am
by abelincoln
I finally decided that I wont spend time on the past or dwell in the past... to move forward.

There are going to be times when I cant realistically get things I should have done earlier and also I may not want to give myself all day to get thing done that were intended for earlier

after I read your suggestions it lead me to reinhards quotation

If, on the other had, you know that you have just one chance to behave correctly, that there is no make up test, you'll take your behavior much more seriously, and you'll have much better odds of succeeding the first and only time around.
thanks for putting me back on track

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:30 am
by gingerpie
I just had a thought: Sometimes when I'm procrastinating, I set an alarm (or timer) for specific time to start the task. It does help to keep me on task. If it is something I really hate, (paperwork) I also say it for the time I'm allowed to quit for the day. I've been known to use the time for everything

Have a good, productive day.

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:29 pm
by abelincoln
I have done that before too. I also rely on timers. it's part of my minimum daily compliance. which may be a mod compared to what reInhard would suggest. I though of it when reading about systematic moderation.

anyway my thoughts are now that if it gets too late there are certain things I can sacrifice I just wont have a pretty habitcal to go with it

Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:15 pm
by abelincoln
had to skip a day of shovel glove because my neck was so sore from how I slept I suppose I could be exempt from It i didnt want to get injured worse

Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:20 pm
by abelincoln
today I think I am going to use the timer to tell me when to start some of the things I have to do thanks gingerpie for the idea

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 5:35 pm
by abelincoln
Cold weather and my neck hurting and laziness really got to me so instead of urban range I went to sleep for several hours now I have quite a disappointing feeling in the pit of my stomach

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:21 pm
by gingerpie
Just do what you can get to for the rest of the day. And tomorrow remember that you really don't like this feeling.

Keep on keepin' on

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:24 pm
by abelincoln
yep sounds good I really have bounced back like I said the neck has been hurting from the way I slept a few days ago I think anyways it's starting to get better too And the weekend always cheers me up Thanks and talk to you some other day

January quantified..

Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:48 pm
by abelincoln
january was a month of change. It all went so fast i never really stopped much to think what all was bugging me. but i certainly had a pretty poor month for getting things done. i struggled with laziness and sleeping too much for a good part of the month before i regrouped and came at it from a different direction. i also had lots of home projects going on.

so here’s the ugly:
On my MDC minimum daily compliance (my todo card), i got done with what i wanted 22 times and failed 6 times

urban ranger was the same 22 times good 6 bad (which i feel bad about i was on such a roll with that)

shovel glove, 13 good 2 bad and 6 skipped (i had a neck injury that was keeping me down and also the bad weather bugged me)

noS diet, i struggled, 15 good, 5 bad, and one skip

routines (i have a morning, midday, and night routine, which i count the whole day as a fail if i don’t do it. i even count it as a fail if my wife chooses to do some of the work that i feel i should have done myself… sort of out of my control on that but here’s the numbers) 14 good 14 bad.

and last, what bugged me the most and my first time trying this new method, is sleep score… i actually have a couple methods to track the sleep but this one is the one for waking up in the morning… it might even be worse if you looked at wether i went back to sleep later. but this is the one that was bugging me the most so i started looking at ways to wake up more peacefully and not tell myself i didn’t get it right if i happened to dose for a couple extra minutes. i have an alarm (my old one was a failure because it didn’t keep going after about 45 seconds i later found out. anyway, my alarm has about 4 songs and 15 minutes or so worth of it. so if i wake during the first song (10 points), if i wake during the second song (9 points), third song (8 points), 4th song (7 points), and if i fail to wake up or set my alarm or if i turn it off, zero (0) points. the goal is to shoot for at least an average of 7 points. not sure how i failed this simple test, but my sleep score for this month for waking up was: 6.35 out of 20 days tracked.

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 9:50 am
by eschano
I think you're being very hard on yourself.

One thing I'd say: it was great for me not to add any other systems for over 6 months when I was doing NoS. There are a few studies on willpower, which seem to conclude that it is like a muscle and can be fatigued. So my advice is to choose one or two system and stick to them properly before tackling anything else. Obviously, feel free to ignore this.

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 3:07 pm
by abelincoln
I certainly want to follow that advice for anything new my problem is usually when things go haywire it gets difficult to do things like today there is 5 inches of snow extra on top of 5 inches and it makes it difficult to go out and do urban Ranger of course It won't be everyday but each time I get off of track it lessens my resolve

but I really don't want to complain because other people have a lot more difficult schedules than I do

so there you said I was being too hard on myself and it shows the real me is blaming the world around me maybe I'm too hard on the world AND myself

I find that I'm either doing really good or really bad


Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 5:22 pm
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln! I am new here but I wanted to chime in and say I identify with you in a lot of ways. Am I correct in saying that you tend to try to change a lot of things about yourself all at once? If so, can I also assume that there is a lot of guilt associated with the failure over and over of those things you are trying to change? That is one of the many reasons I love No S! It has helped my obsessive all or nothing approach which only results in feeling defeated year after year. Being over weight is only one of many of my issues I want to change. The cool thing is No S gives me manageable little successes that build on each other and that is what propels me to "feel" better about myself and my ability to succeed. In other words the problem is me trying to do too much too soon. I know how those "other" things nag at you and it may be that others are tapping their foot watching you to see if you are REALLY changing, but I implore you to really look at this and listen to Reinhart's podcasts. Now that I recognize this about myself whenever I start going down that road, which is often, I stop and refocus on the one thing I am changing. Two biggies for me is exercise and sleep, habits I have had since childhood! But I am doing pretty darn well on No S for a newbie. Woohoo! Be encouraged. Rome was not built in a day!!

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 6:05 pm
by abelincoln
Lovedby2.. yes i fall under the category of all or nothing though i am trying to find ways to be more like my wife.. who seems to flourish in all conditions. sometimes i get where i think like if i was just not so lazy.. or had such corrupted and corruptible habits, then maybe i would be more normal. but im destined to be a lost sheep. that doesnt stop me from trying new things... but im at the point where the system is pretty good.. i just really need to settle in and up my game.. the snow is piled pretty high today... wont get to anything if i dont get to that..


Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 1:28 am
by abelincoln
PS not feeling as lost now. taking into deep thought what was said. making a few mental adjustments and moving forward. dealt with some frustrating aspects of my lifestyle. anxious to see if i can hold it together this month.

As reinhard says in podcasts, the smallest changes that might actually work

Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 2:50 am
by abelincoln
And i get the idea that if you do too much at once there will be so much failure you will feel like a failure. i remain optimistic.

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 6:58 pm
by abelincoln
I am in the middle of a great month and I decided today to crash sleep for almost four extra hours It will ruin my sleep patterns I lost out on urban ranger and shovel glove but I am trying to salvage the rest of the day


Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:16 pm
by Lovedby2
That is fantastic!!Sleep is a biggy for me. I have used it at different times in my life to escape. It's almost like a drug in that it overtakes you. I get really sleepy and before you know it I am a gonner. Weird. You know what has helped me is a schedule. For starters I make myself go to bed at the same time as hubby which is 10:30 M-F. I actually wake up at a decent hour. I have been doing this for a few months and it has made a huge difference. If I stay up late, which I love to do, I eat, and everything goes down hill from there. Satying up late and over eating go hand in hand for me. Good luck and be encouraged!!

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:35 pm
by abelincoln
i think for me getting past days like this is key. confess, let go, move on.

And i believe its better confessing here where people arent as emotionally attached.

I just felt beat today. you know when i first get the idea of going back to bed, thats like a tractor beam for me.

Like you said its an escape. i have had other possibly worse escapes previously in life, so im a little glad its only sleep and not something more unhealthy.

Anyway thanks for the support. i can probably right the ship this month. last month i had less success after failures than i am now.

Have a good day lovedby2

Ps i havent been getting to sleep too late.. go to bed same as wife... 10 to 1030

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 5:19 pm
by abelincoln
I had a bout with tiredness and despression went on and slept for several hours Extra today

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 12:40 am
by abelincoln
Dealing with disability bureaucrats is not easy on the stress levels. its one thing to cast someone down from society and tell them they are mentally unfit to work, its one invasive step too far to keep barking at about disability reviews every 2 years. if i could get rid of the diagnosis i would have already (and probably would have been fine thank you).


Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 4:53 am
by Lovedby2
I understand. Escaping through sleep is way better than other stuff. sometimes it is all you can do. It's hard for people to understand if they haven"t dealt with depression. I used to think about a friend of mine who dealt with depression for years to just get a grip until I went through it. And once you go through it it's like it's always barking at your door, even if your better. Just one day at a time. One day, one step.

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 1:18 pm
by gingerpie
Sorry your having a hard time. I agree with lovedby2. One day - one minute- at a time.
Alarm going off? stand up. Don't worry about the next step yet, just stand up.
Standing? Get dressed. Don't worry about what comes after dressing yet.
Dressed? Get your breakfast. Don't worry about after breakfast yet.
I'm sure you know the drill.
If you find yourself back in bed, do your best to follow your routine the next time you wake.

Sometimes I think bureaucrats we're invented to tear us down. Sadly, I don't think there is anything we can do to change the system but you can change your reaction to it. Know that you are doing what is best for you and your family.

Kind regards

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 2:12 pm
by abelincoln
I am very happy to have friends that will help me and things have changed a lot in the past few years I feel a lot better about my circumstances and my chances for the future also I let go of a lot of stress yesterday I'm glad I have a place that recommends doing less and sticking to it rather than doing more and expecting so much from myself thank you guys for your comments

its like you say just worry about the next thing you have to do not the big wrecking ball hanging over you

Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 4:13 pm
by abelincoln
I tend to worry about becoming a little bit myopic when I practice this method of a singular focus but I don't think in practice that it is that bad

I cant help but see images of Bob Wiley from what about Bob taking his baby steps haha .

well I will give it a go

I guess I would rather be Bob Wiley than the psychiatrist


Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:20 am
by Lovedby2
Love Bob Wiley!! Great movie. One of our favorites around here. Keep the sense of humor!!

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:48 am
by abelincoln
today I took a 30 minute cat nap just close my eyes didnt really sleep because I had an argument with my wife and couldn't bear to sit out with her when all she wanted to do was rip me a new one. anyway all I prayed for was to get back on track and I fully intend to

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:01 pm
by abelincoln
sometimes I don't know why I come on here and mention things but I'm planning to take a nap in place of urban Ranger and shovel glove. I would like to do them later but if I don't do them by noon I won't do them at all

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:03 pm
by gingerpie
It is possible you mention it here because:
1) you know we will not judge harshly or
2) you are hoping we will have time to intercede before you actually lay down.

Unfortunately, we are too far away to really give you the on-site support you need for #2 so we'll have to go with #1. :wink:

If you haven't napped yet. . . don't. You will definitely regret it. Put on you hat and coat and walk to the bottom of your drive. If it is too cold you can decide to come back but at least you tried. When you get back. Pick up the shovel glove and give it 5 swings (your choice what kind) If you still don't want to continue, then you can quit but at least you tried.

Good luck

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:20 pm
by abelincoln
I think i did actually hope somebody would intercede.

I'm sorry i already did the nap.

I think i will start today by revealing that I'm the most jealous person on the planet when it comes to my wife, and the most buttoned up afraid person on the planet when it comes to getting out there.

I really don't have friends or support system as such. so everything i do filters through either my wife, or my parents, or my grandma.

I also feel that i'm slipping as a parent. and for me to say that this all is why i'm failing is probably a stretch, but if I didn't mention it...

I used to sit around and let others do everything for me for a great deal of time, until one day i kicked the maid out and started doing it myself. that was a good day for me... i guess now i'm still afraid that i will fall back and stop doing my system altogether. or that my wife will get so sick of me that she doesn't even appreciate what i do anymore (I think she's there for me though).

so even though today it was too much to process, maybe i will realize tomorrow that i'm not going to quit. that's what i need to think. I feel like one of those guys that you hear from that says yeah "i've been shot, stabbed, cheated on, beaten up, robbed, defamed, locked up, and whatever else you can think of".

but you know what, i still find some ways to see myself as lucky. i just need to always realize that.

also i think i have a difficult sense of when i get off track. i rationalize. one of the big things i get into is, if i'm 10 minutes late with something> do i do what i'm supposed to do anyway, or do I say i'm too late try tomorrow>or do i say, don't ever let this happen again. some days i'm fortunate enough to not think about it and not micromanage myself. others i do. I must have different personalities, moreso than most people do, because i change so frequently.

I really will make an effort to get back. I come on here to post because i believe in the system. I read that that's a great way to keep yourself from being defeated. sometimes i feel like i started here and now i can't escape it. it's like if i don't post, then it will be one more clue that i've quit.

on the other hand i've met some nice people that have given me some good advice. on that end i sometimes feel like a corrosive thorn in their side. i just hope i'm not taking up too much space here on the bulletin board.

i know this has run long, and i don't want to do that on a regular basis. plain jane is alright with me.


Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:50 pm
by gingerpie
No worries. Do what you need to do and say what you need to say.

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 7:04 pm
by abelincoln
Ok. Well, like i said i only have a couple support systems. If i was so strong myself i wouldn't need them. maybe that's what i'm after. but it's very difficult being a dad, as you really can't get out of that situation.

so instead i try and stick within it and today like when i woke up to my wife yelling at me about waking up even though i hadn't overslept (she was mad at the kids for something)...

you get it, i don't have her (my main support). so i fall. she's come around already and now we're fine.

anyway. i'm also a very weak person when it comes to getting my act together because i rationalize so much. food used to be a great crutch for me. i could eat sleep whatever. and as such i didn't have to feel so much pain. or really deal with problems.

so this is me raw. unrefined. broken down up a crick without a paddle.

it's nice to have a place to talk about it all, but if nobody listens (i think i'd be ok if nobody did). there's really no guarantee that somebody will listen or care.

i think life is tough on anyone.

maybe i feel like sailing, and i'm trying to get it all straight. before i get on the open sea and nobody is there to care.

i guess i read so much of reinhard and then i see where there are the automatic habits and it's a waste of time to work with willpower. i still haven't figured that out i mean i know it's great to be automatic. but i sometimes feel willpower will have to kick in because not everything can be automatic unless you live in a life that has been set up for you to do only the same things everyday. so i don't know what my problem is but i find myself thinking that if i was supposed to automatically send my kids to school and start walking that i've failed if i don't get right to it.

on the other hand, it's too much to expect myself to start doing everything i was supposed to do 3 hours ago and on top of that do the rest.

so i know i have to come up with the answer myself. that's something that unless you had a problem with that you wouldn't be able to answer.

it's really not that i'm expecting so much of myself, it's that i'm expecting it all to look too pretty and neat, and that i'm giving up too easily. i'm making it way harder than it need be. can't see the forest for the trees whatever that means.

I'm really goofing up...

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 7:32 pm
by abelincoln
Anyway if you've seen spongebob and plankton with his computer wife.

or the movie "Her".

I guess that's sort of what being on a bulletin board talking to someone that you've never met is like.

that can be good. and it can be hard when it's over.

I have a real wife. a real life. I'm happy to have help i get on this site.

I just need to take today for what it is. a difficult problem from the minute i woke up.

if i wasn't compelled to tell everyone about each and every mistake.

sometimes i feel it makes me more accountable, but sometimes it makes me feel like i'm just charading acting like i'm "that" accountable.

maybe i would be better off if I only posted every month.

You've been too good too me. too good a support. I need to figure out how to do it without such support if i'm going to make it in my life. and the support i get here needs to be more random, less often.

thanks for all your help.

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:54 pm
by abelincoln
Anyway you gave some common sense helpfull advice and I sort of made it into more. I tend to keep a person at a distance, then when I feel I know them better to pull them too far in, then realizing that push the person back away

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:13 am
by gingerpie
A few things come to mind:
1) life is ugly. Sometimes we can manage to pretty it up a bit. But most of us have had a lot of ugly in our lives. If your life isn't always as pretty as you'd like it to be, it just means you are human.

2) I don't think you have to worry about getting too much support here on the boards. As noted before, there is only so much an
online group can do for you. Most of it you have to do for yourself.

3) It sounds like you are lucky to have such a wife as yours. Somehow I imagine she is so supportive of you because she believes in you. It's okay if you believe in you as well.

4) You're right. Being a Dad means you have to always be "on". Tough but true. On the bright side, Being a Mom means the same thing so you can take turns supporting each other.

5) It's fine to own up to your mistakes here. If we aren't interested, we don't have to click on your postings. If we do click, you can assume we care.

6) If food used to be a crutch for you, then it is to be expected that you are still struggling a bit by the loss of your crutch.

7) Yes, we are working to establish good eating and exercise habits but even good habits take work to maintain, otherwise, they fall by the wayside. I think it gets easier . . . not easy.

I think if you give each day a good honest try, don't make excuses for your weakness and keep on doing what you know is best to do. It will all be fine in the end. Maybe not perfect. But fine.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:49 am
by abelincoln
i will look more tomorrow about what you said its pretty close to bedtime for today.

Its amazing to find that people care sometimes i lose faith that god creates that in people.

I have to say that my wife really can be great. whats hard is shes so good to so many people where i am content to worry about myself

So yes i know shes doing right for me and our children

Weve had our share of mistakes toward each other. and have had no therapy or church.

I will try to do without the excuses and also try not to take things for granted and worry so much.


Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:44 pm
by abelincoln
and I just remembered that you did give me the answer for the rationalization and procrastination is using an external que such as a timer so that your behavior kicks in at that moment without you having to waste thought procrastinating which still allows you to have a break but it is predefined and the behavior kicks in automatically

Duh why didn't I think of that

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:22 pm
by lpearlmom
I say take support wherever you can get it!

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:34 pm
by abelincoln
Yes I will lpearlmom


Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:18 am
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln. Just stopping by to say hi. I hope you are doing well.

Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:17 pm
by abelincoln
Hi Lovedby2 I'm personally ok. I did had a crud day yesterday.

Don't want to clog the boards with the same old same old.

I'm getting my blood tested today. wanted to do a risk calculator for heart attack and i need the info that the blood test will give me.

It's hard to find an adult percentile for body weight, mainly they just do that for kids... but what i did find was that i'm probably in the 90th percentile for my height.

which sounds pretty bad. though the scale is not showing a bad number.

thanks for checking on me. i'm still doing NO S. just didn't post my last mistake.


Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:06 pm
by abelincoln
starting late today..

got the blood tested. went to visit grandma, has bronchitis. she used to pretty much be my maid and do everything for me until i decided that i have to do it on my own.

i was supposed to see if she needed anything per my mom. and her dishes needed washing. i offered twice, she said no. so i drove home, and decided to go back and do them anyway.

it made me mad she'd helped me so much and wouldn't let me help her.

so i've set my timer, and i'm going to do urban ranger, shovel glove, my own laundry and dishes..

Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:29 pm
by gingerpie
Good call going back for the dishes. Sometimes we get so busy helping others we forget we are allowed to ask for help ourselves. Plus it justfeels good to be the one helping and not always the one being helped.

Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:31 pm
by abelincoln

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:44 pm
by abelincoln
minor things have a way of throwing me off like today I allowed myself some diet pop but I had a fountain drink and I don't do some drinks because they could always be a real pop that somebody put there by accident or screwed up so this really set me off already in the morning but I think I will try to do my best anyway I know this is relatively small it just makes me mad I wanted a good start to the weekend

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:39 pm
by abelincoln
as i did last month i'm checking in with the same format.

for the record.
Minimum daily compliance with todos: 24 done/6 fail (i must have counted an extra 2 days oh well)
shovelglove: 15 done/5 fail/1 skipped for legit reason
noS n days: 19 done/2 fail
sleep score 6.92 was my score where 10 is perfect and 7 is waking up by the time the alarm stops. got close but not on target.
no extra naps score: 6 failures.

so yes there's room for improvement, and i didn't check yet as of this posting if i've improved. i know i want to do my todos right every day. and the naps are the reason i failed shovel glove. looks like i forgot urban ranger on this list, might update it.

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 7:46 pm
by abelincoln
I think the main recipe for why I am apt to fail is that I can it's sort of like a drug addict with full access to lots of drugs the addict is probably going to use them maybe not but if they were around them everyday there is a good chance they will. same way with me I get to stay at home nobody is enforcing anything upon me so if I want to take a nap I can and often do but it is not the lifestyle I like to have and I certainly certainly want to stop doing it but today I slept again and all I am getting done is the basic chores no urban Ranger no shovelglove. I have trouble with mondays.

I know.. making excuses is not productive

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 2:39 am
by abelincoln
as reinhard would say I need to get into a habit think so I'm not doomed even when I have a bad at habit because habits can be opposed and new habits can build rather than thinking like an addiction which is usually impossible to solve thinking in terms of habits is better.


Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 4:31 am
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln! It is hard for me to be home without a forced routine and not be tempted to sleep too much. I get bored so easy and bordom makes me sleepy. Think highschool. It amazes me how awake I become when my mind is stimulated by challenges. Just a thought.


Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 4:34 am
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln! It is hard for me to be home without a forced routine and not be tempted to sleep too much. I get bored so easy and bordom makes me sleepy. Think highschool. It amazes me how awake I become when my mind is stimulated by challenges. Just a thought.

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 3:17 pm
by abelincoln
it's like the next day after you screw up it's harder to get back on track because you sort of told yourself the day before that you didn't have to do the work so now it's sort of like why not just skip it it feels much better when you have stuck to the program for a while

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:09 pm
by abelincoln
I haven't been on here in awhile.

Yesterday i felt bad because i'd talked to my uncle, and we are both ramblers, and my wife makes fun of me for it. It's like being pulled into a vortex when i talk with him and it makes me feel like i'm the dumbo out of the 2 with some of the things we talk about, and i cut him off.

anyway, he seems ok now. i always feel bad when its as if i hurt someones feelings.

I don't know if that's part of why i felt down today. anyway i got a late start because my alarm didn't go off. which is funny because i had an early alarm and it woke my wife because her alarm didn't go off and i had to help her ready for work and then i went back to bed for 30 mins and my alarm didn't go off.

crazy day.

Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 1:50 am
by gingerpie
Hi Abe, glad you are doing well overall. Some days Are crazy days but you knew that already. Remember to set your alarm tomorrow. :wink:

Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 6:44 pm
by abelincoln
I'm the type that realizes after it's too late that I could have done more or could have been nicer more caring of others and then I feel guilty.

sometimes is just bad luck like I'm not ready

sometimes I have to be pushed into doing things the right way

but I know life has no do overs so I have to start thinking more of others

Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:30 pm
by gingerpie
I think it is true that most of us could be nicer. At least you are aware that you want to be. Next, you'll start to notice times that you can be. Perhaps, the "random acts of kindness" concept would be a good place for you to start. Throughout the course of your day there are probably times that you can help out another person with very little time or thought on your part. If nothing else, once an a while you can take time to notice what your wife is doing. Maybe she would appreciate a helping hand or even just acknowledgement that she is doing it. (Whatever it is)

Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 4:06 pm
by abelincoln
true the biggest thing that I have done wrong lately is complain about things that are related to my wifes sisters wedding it seems like its never ending how many things we have to do for it but I really felt like I didn't do enough sometimes you don't know you care until something happens to make you realize it

also I complain about my kids sports I guess anything social makes me feel like pressure is on me

Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2015 4:44 pm
by abelincoln
I told myself today that the biggest problem I have is sleeping when I'm supposed to be awake that is what I did today slept and I also take a page from reinhard one where he said if you cant do whatever with regularity there's no reason to think you can graduate to something more I believe he said this referring to N days vs S days also he says that if you even do a small amount of exercise you can count it as a success I forget where it says that but I know it does say that so I combine these things and told myself that as long as I do one minute of shovel glove I will call it a success iF I stay awake because I don't have any business worrying about shoveled glove if I can't even stay awake

because I think the main reason why I went to sleep today is i was afraid of shovel glove and it pains me to do this because I know darn well I need the exercise but my whole life goes out of control if I can't stay awake so start with the start and worry about the rest later at least that's what I'm thinking


Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:53 pm
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln! Just stopping by to say hi. I have been off board for a few weeks. Old habits die hard. Isn't that what they say? I relate to the sleeping ascape. It is realllllly hard to overcome. Stay busy and keep on keepin on. :lol:


Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:54 pm
by Lovedby2
Hi Abelincoln! Just stopping by to say hi. I have been off board for a few weeks. Old habits die hard. Isn't that what they say? I relate to the sleeping ascape. It is realllllly hard to overcome. Stay busy and keep on keepin on. :lol:

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 6:58 pm
by abelincoln
hello lovedby2, the rest of last week was good but friday I caught myself taking an extra 4 minutes sleep.

I cant really say its good that somebody can relate to my sleep problem.... but if they do they do I guess.

thing has been once I get up and walk I usually dont feel too bad. or maybe I just had more motivation.

excersize and me go way back... usually where I procrastinate till its too late.

but with reinhards system, and being at my current age, im doing a lot better than I used to. exercising for the right reasons

I will feel good having an N day again. thank later


Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:30 am
by Lovedby2
LOL about the bacon Abelincoln! Ya know the last few years I have relaxed about my eating choices. That was not easy with my obsessive nature! I think it is all part of getting better with the eating issue. Just too much thinking about all that food stuff. You know, not processed, whole foods, yada yada yada. So yes, I eat the bacon. EVERY DAY!! Bacon is not that high in calories. Thanks for stopping by. Hope you are doing well. Oh, btw, I went for a walk today!!! That is a miracle. :-)

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:22 pm
by abelincoln
good for you about taking a walk I decided to make myself a bacon sandwich today on the grill with propane I think I will do that often times for lunch I can't do it for breakfast because I don't have so much time then and my kids would be jealous and I would have to make them some

I know Im mean but usually mommy cooks for them

Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2015 12:55 am
by gingerpie
Hi Abe, I only eat bacon in the summer with tomatoes from the garden. 8)