Everyday Systems

I slipped back to the emotional eating. I've been nervous about the upcoming follow up visit to find out if there is a physical reason why I had the miscarriage. That is Thursday.

The problem is, I have consiously chosen to backslide. Not a good thing. So I'm starting this thread so I HAVE to check in or face the self shame. Even though my appointment is Thursday I will start getting my arse on track, tomorrow, Wednesday April 16. No ifs, ands or butts.

To be sure to completely shame myself into doing right, I will post some starting stats. I will not remeasure until I have 21 red-free days under my belt.

Weight: 184.8 lbs
Body Fat: 38.2 %
Waist Size: 38.5 inches (This is my biggest source of shame. I'm still wearing maternity pants and I'm no longer pregnant)
Thigh: 27.5 inches
Arm: 12.75 inches
Blood Pressure: 142/86
Pulse: 109 bpm

The problem is, I have consiously chosen to backslide. Not a good thing. So I'm starting this thread so I HAVE to check in or face the self shame. Even though my appointment is Thursday I will start getting my arse on track, tomorrow, Wednesday April 16. No ifs, ands or butts.

To be sure to completely shame myself into doing right,

Good glory, you had a miscarriage. I've never had kids so I can't speculate on what caused it, but I suspect that stressing yourself is the absolutely worst thing you can do for your hormones NOW, and you should be gentle and forgiving of your body now more than ever. Shame is a terrible word. It should never be used in such a context. Shame is for starting a war or eating animals after you've made a connection between them and living things or cheating on your spouse or serious, terrible things, not comforting yourself temporarily with a food med, and even then I suspect it does more harm than good in stopping the behavior.

Good luck with your doctor visit.

lotsa hugs,

f

No S: Success
Shovelglove: Success
Urban Ranger: Success

All in all a good day. While I didn't have the UR opportunities that I would have liked, I did make the most of the ones I had and even created one that wouldn't have been there otherwise. It was small but it was more than what would have been.

My only No S complaint was that I made pasta last night for dinner. I love to eat pasta in a bowl (easier for me not to make a mess) but with no seconds my small bowl wasn't enough food and I had to drink a V8 about an hour after dinner. Note to self- do not make pasta with all the veggies mixed in. After measuring this morning (to make my lunch) I found I shorted myself 20% of my normal dinner quantity. Damn small bowls. I just had to think the regular bowls were simply too large for cereal or soup. I guess I'll have to start eating pasta on a plate.

No S: Failure
Shovelglove: Exempt (back pain)
Urban Ranger: Success

So I blew it today. Not totally blew it, but at lunch I CHOSE to have a soda (caffiene free) and a candy bar with my meal. After finding out that I may still be pregnant and running around to do the accompanying blood work to find out it's been a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally. I live in limbo for about 2 weeks until my blood work finds it's way to my doctor. (Don't get me started on inefficient insurance practices) The problem is, I don't want to get my hopes up that I am still pregnant and be disappointed if I'm not nor do I want to set my mind against pregnancy and have a crap what do I do moment if I am. I did okay with dinner so I think I'll pull through this without any further delay in my entrance in the 21 Club.

No S: Success
Shovelglove: Success
Urban Ranger: Success

Although my plans of running errands went to hell and no one bothered to tell me they scheduled massages for the morning, I made it through the day. I even was able to wonder around while waiting for my oil change without getting a soda or a candy bar.

No S: Exempt
Shovelglove: Exempt
Urban Ranger: Success

Not really much to report today. Having blood drawn sucks, especially when you have to wait an hour for them to do it. It also sucks having to wait to weeks to find out the results. I don't wait well. In the mean time I have a great dinner planned for tonight. Hopefully my husband didn't ruin his appetite going out after golf. I've noticed he feels the need to prove his manhood by binging on bar food after he golfs. It really is the only time he over does it anymore.

No S: Exempt
Shovelglove: Exempt
Urban Ranger: Success

Again, not really much to report. Didn't get to walk the dog today. He's on some antihistimine meds that make him sleep all day. He physically can't seem to stay awake long enough to walk anywhere. I carried him to see the cows and he didn't even wake up for that. (He loves the cows, it's the only way I get him not to chase squirrels on our walks) We only have a couple more days on this dose, so we'll be back to walking soon. I did however hang the livingroom drapes, by myself. I definitely count the up and down on the ladder towards my urban ranger goals. Good thing I'm a perfectionist who has to measure and get off the ladder and eyeball EVERYTHING.

My brother in law is coming over to watch a movie tonight, so popcorn and chips and dip are on the menu. Didn't really have much of an appetite for lunch. Could be the new prenatal vitamin. I'm noticing dairy sits real heavy since I started taking it and of course I had a glass of chocoate milk with my oatmeal this morning.

No S: Success
Shovelglove: Success
Urban Ranger: Success

Well, it's Monday morning and I'm feeling nauseated. Not really sure why, unless I have the flu or am pregnant again. Ended up not having the popcorn and chips last night. I'm hoping today I have enough of a lunch break to take in a pretty good walk. I think in a couple weeks I'll start heading to the beach on my lunch break (if they are extended breaks) and walking the beach for awhile on Mondays and Thursdays.

lmt2pt

How hard not to know if you're still pregnant or not! My heart goes out to you.

Be extra-kind to yourself right now.

(We lost two, and gave up on having kids... so after adjusting to that idea, with great difficulty, I actually had a bit of a re-adjustment when we got pregnant with my son. My warmest thoughts and good wishes to you at this difficult time.)

Thank you. It's been a trip so far. My doctors office has me on call if they get my test results back early and have a slot they can see me in, so hopefully I'll know sooner. I am definitely being gentle with myself, but I'm finding a lot of comfort in being on habit and not eating to deal with my emotions. And since I am eating/living as though I'm pregnant I've certainly been eating healthier!

No S: Failure
Shovelglove: Failure
Urban Ranger: Success

Originally today was going to be an S day, but my father in laws birthday dinner with cake and all the fixings turned into lunch with no cake. Did that stop me from eating cookies and having soda? Nope. So although I can consider this an S day I won't. I go out to lunch with people way too often to call lunch out S day worthy. And shovelglove didn't happen either. It seems unless I wake up ungodly early I don't do it. Something about trying to do it when I have the whole afternoon available makes it fall down on the priority list where waking up at 5 bumps it up. Strange.

No S: Failure
Shovelglove: Success
Urban Ranger: Failure

Ah, the comfort and stability of routine. Thank heavens today is a busy day at work. Now that I've hit the slow season like a brick wall I'm going to have to come up with a routine for when my daily routine is messed up. After talking with a friend who also works seasonally she suggested making a schedule with 1 and 2 hour time blocks and filling those blocks with household chore catagories like "housework", "paperwork", "yard", "hobbies" etc. Then if I only work a half day I work on whatever catagory falls into the hours I'm home. I think I'm going to try this. I need to get into some kind of routine before I become a stay at home mom.

So much for Shovelglove being my gateway to No S success. Boy it was a hell of a day. Still struggling, but I'm getting better. I think being brutally honest with myself has been good. Even though I've been able to claim S days but took a failure on an N day has been good. That said, I'm taking tomorrow as an S day. I'm giving myself an emotional eating day. It's my husband and my's anniversery and we aren't even celebrating this weekend. He has kickball tomorrow and all weekend we are going out with other people. It's not our wedding anniversery, but we only met 4 years ago and already my biggest complaint is the lack of romance. Grr.