oolala53

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:19 am

Hey nothing to be gracious about, constructive criticism is a good thing, it is how the receiver receives it

Wow really, buck naked...well for me it was butt naked all these years..wow oh wow.....

Oh ya here is one I used until my husband corrected me...I would say "lend up" instead of "end up", my mom said it and I did and my daughter does now...carried on it seems

Oh based to No S, ya I love those cooked whole chickens...they are pretty chip to, I would say costs as much a buying one not cooked...as you know they come in handing for a couple meals...I wish I would have ran across them when I was single for a couple years there..would have been my staple for sure...

Did I tell you I bought that book on willpower..pretty interesting stuff, especially about the ego...I am trying to work on not spending a lot of energy thinking of No S, I think part of my problem with all the other things my ego has to deal with on a daily basis..no wonders I'm always tired.

Have a great hump day....

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:49 am

Or from one more English teacher...how about this one:

when something doesn't jibe with you, many people say jive...and that does make sense too, I guess! Our language is so-o-o complicated!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:59 pm

Really I save Jive...boy I need to go back to English!!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:44 am

Poop a doop. Second fail this week. Not terrible but annoying. It's so obvious later that what seems like a good idea at the time, isn't. Oh, well. I'll do better tomorrow.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:18 am

Right today is another day!! I'm going to try and work at not being perfect as that is very stressful..but I can work at cleaning out the garbage in the attic (head).

After reading Roxy's page about the S Day gone wild pod, I listened to it again. I believe I'll go with his second suggestion or third...have 2-3 S events on S days, as well at 3 planned meals as during the week.

So far my N days seem to getting a hold of me besides the annoyance of the URGE here and there in the evening.

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:33 am

Yes, it's a new day!

Wow! I say JIVE as well. Don't think I've ever heard anyone use jibe and if I did I would think they were messed up.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:44 pm

Regarding jibe/jive, that's how language changes. But it's good that it's slow because otherwise, we'd be losing the ability to communicate before we were dead.

SophiaLara · Post by **SophiaLara** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:02 am

I feel for you Oolala! Wish I lived near. I would have jumped to help you! Glad you're back on track.

Lara

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:37 am

Lara, you doll!

I'm calling my eating a success. No exercise again. I slept only 4 hours last night and I had work to do in the morning, early. My eyes feel like I'm wearing sandpaper. I'll fall asleep now. Watch me wake up at 2. Sometimes I can work then; sometimes it's just very tired buzzing.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:42 am

Hi Oolala, I just wanted to say I jump over to spark and read your blogs..very good...

AND I wanted to thank you..you know how you told me at one point to reflect on the foods I ate during the day, well I have been doing that and that sense of deprivation (URGE) seems to be gone. I think in part because I was so deprived as a young person of food that I always felt deprived and when I could get my own food I surely over did it, all the time..like that feeling never left.

It was very evident last night when coming home from a dinner with friends, I did not even care to have something else..when I come home from dinners out I felt like I had to have something, like I was being deprived...but that did not happen...to my surprise.

Anyway, thanks again...just a few positive words can rock someone's world..if they let it.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:08 pm

I agree with "NoSnacker". You are an inspiration, oolala. Where can I read your blogs on Spark people? I'm not familiar with that...

I'm sorry you didn't get much sleep the other night. I relate from last night, too and it can DRAIN you. Hopefully you made up for it!

Have a wonderful S weekend!

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:09 am

Yeah, just chiming in to wish you a Good Weekend too, oolala - my lil' inspiration!

Marking those essays must be a total drag - poor you! But you always seem to see the brighter side of things so I'm sure you won't let it get you down !

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:09 pm

I took a way out on the essays. Did I already talk about it? I'm going on the results of research that shows that students' writing tends to get better with practice whether they get feedback or not. So over a period of several weeks, I had the students write three essays, the last of which is due on Monday. If they did all three, they can choose which one they think is best, and that is the one I will read and evaluate. That one will be worth a lot of points. The others will be worth much less, but will get the same grade, so if they have improved, it will be rewarded with retroactive points. I assume that if they did all three, they will be better, and I don't mind giving them a higher grade than they would have deserved on a small assignment because at this point in the semester, small assignments don't affect much anyway. The way my grading structure is set up, it's very hard for a student to get an A unless he/she is really writing well and communicating well. This continues to be important to me. I don't want to be part of grade inflation, although sometimes I wonder if I was a beneficiary of it myself a long time ago!

So, I've gotten a lot of the grading of the essays done previous to this new policy out of the way, and the worst pressure is off for awhile. It will be back next weekend, but I am really hoping the quality of the essays I finally read will be good enough that I will not be as slowed down by students' fuzzy logic and confusing sentence structures. Or, maybe I'm just kidding myself!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:33 pm

Hence why you are a teacher! Smart!!

Seems like a workable plan for you and for the students.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:02 pm

Sounds like a great idea, oolala! Gives you a little bit of breathing space, too

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:38 am

Was out of town. Got some reading done, but it was only of the books I am using in my classes as texts. Eating was fine, maybe even a bit better than fine, though I'm not finishing the weekend feeling light and airy! But good enough. No workout yesterday but a good half walk on hills.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:37 am

Hello! I sent you a private message, but sometimes it doesn't seem to go through on my end, so I thought I'd drop a line here, too, thanking you for your note.

Like reading all your helpful suggestions on the No S Board.

Thanks!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:13 am

Boy, I was actually thinking of coming home after work and scarfing chocolate. Specifically, Cadbury mini-eggs. I did come home early and took a nap! Got a little housework done and ended up having dinner around the regular time, and a slightly lighter-than-usual dinner at that. I feel full and fine.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:34 pm

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:06 pm

oolala53 wrote:research that shows that students' writing tends to get better with practice whether they get feedback or not.

Wow! So does NoS!!! I had to scroll down to find this... Uh oh...you can do it! Finish the month off green! Count those plates! We're here for you! Show us how you can do it!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:51 pm

Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I've been failing, though it took until the end of the week. And yesterday. And I am struggling this afternoon. I can't believe I can't just say I don't have a choice. That brain pattern is so easily reignited! I think about how I am always glad I waited and yet the idea of the pleasure of eating crap is still there, because dang it, it still is pleasurable! I should work tonight, but I am seriously thinking of going to the movies after dinner just to keep me out of the house. Oh, man, if I were talking to a junkie, of course I would say, Don't use! Life is not that bad. How can I believe I need something sweet? Not just something sweet. I want a lot!

Okay, time to get offline.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:31 am

(((hugs)))) oolala! I can totally emphathize with you.... dunno if it was a throw back for weighing myself and seeing a loss last week, but this weekend was especially heavy eating wise and today, I caved in and made and scarfed caramel slice between lunch and dinner ! Feel annoyed at myself these days. I think I will be okay tomorrow though. Desperate to get back on an even keel as they say. I haven't weighed which is progress I figure but I am quite nervous about weighing anyway with all the extras I have had recently! Hang in there, honey, you are doing great!!!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:38 pm

TX, Roxy! I did fail again yesterday, but I feel done with it. It wasn't horrible, but I said on another board that it felt like the kind of date you have at the end of a relationship, where you feel like you're going through the motions. Besides, I can have a "bad date" on the weekend, if I really need it.

A woman on the other site keeps emphasizing that the S days were originally supposed to have the word "sometimes" added to it. I think I'm getting closer to respecting that, but I've said that before. I think I"m going to a dinner Saturday night, so that should help, as it feels so good to be hungry for social events. I also think it is at a Middle Eastern restaurant, where I love the entrees and sides, but not the desserts. And I have a pool party to go to on Sunday. It's with a local group on a diet site, and I'm hoping fun and talk will be the "potluck." I don't want to be around calorie-freaks, either, but I don't need to graze all afternoon if there's a fun alternative.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:53 pm

Hi Oolala, sorry to hear of your struggles and I re read some of the No S book and surely says sometimes...which I hope someday to follow..my plan is to try this weekend..

Do you think in part it is because you are at goal weight and the freedom bell has rang?

Hope the weekend is a lot of fun for you!!

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:53 pm

Hi deb and oolala!

I echo everything deb says above btw. Mind you, when I first started No S, I have to say I did not observe the sometimes rule. In fact, I did not know or hear about it until I started posting on the board. I may have to re-read my No S Book again sometime! As far as I knew, I thought Reinhard recommend we not worry about S Days at all unless they were really aggregious or ott. I also recall that Reinhard said he never restricts his S Days at all. I think the 'sometimes' for S Days was added in later on (after the publication of the book)? But I may be incorrect here, so please don't quote me on this guys.

What I am getting at is this: maybe I wouldn't have been so enamored by the No S plan, especially at the beginning, if it hadn't been for (as I interpreted it anyway) the non restricted S Days! Although it is a bit paradoxical (is that the right choice of word? ) that I have such bittersweet reaction to my S Days because I have got used to non restriction and find it difficult to streamline them. As far as I recall it, Reinhard wrote in the book that S Days would naturally get less overindulgent if one wanted it to be that way but he did not specifically recommend that one try to consciously cut down or put restrictions on treats etc. although he did mention this in the podcast. Perhaps Reinhard has been particularly successful as his S Days are not naturally ott anyway and he only eats one or two treats now and then on his S Days. Sorry guys - just getting a little carried away here with my thoughts... feel free to add your own thoughts to this if you like. Anyways, have a good evening all!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:40 pm

Reinhard admits that sweets and stress eating were never his issues. I think he was into snacking and probably guy-like; bags of chips and such just because it was fun, not because he was drowning his sorrows. Yeah, girls do that, too, but they are bingeing/hating it the whole time. Guys are just pigging out.

I'd bet that he has been surprised by the trouble people have with S days. In the book he claims that he didn't know of anyone who who dropped out because of S day overages, but many have since I started in 2008.

He does address some issues about S days, so he acknowledges that it is more complicated than just waiting for the urges to die down, esp. if you are years into it. But he also says in the book that if emotional eating is the issue, it might be time for professional help. I just got reminded of that recently. If I hadn't got to my normal BMI this spring, I think I would have considered it. I think the help for compulsive overeating is better now. I'm pretty sure no one is recommending tracking forever and certainly not calorie counting. But I've been working on my anxiety and other issues in lots of ways and am not ready to surrender yet! Maybe THAT"S my problem.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:30 am

hi there, yes i can attest to that, i did drop out my first go around because of excessive S days, which carried over into my N days...felt like a big failure..

stress, depending on what kind i surely could turn to food.

you have done so well, reaching your BMI...can't wait to say that some day..but we always want more, better, not good enough...this time if i weigh 168, that will be good enough for now...

hope you find yourself in a better place..and perhaps run in place when the stress gets to be too much...scream at the top of your lungs if you need relief, beat up your pillow, etc.

talk to you soon..

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:58 pm

Hey oolala, sorry you're having a tough time lately.

I do think there are often differences between how men and women lose weight which might be why Reinhard didn't predict such difficulty with S days. My other half lost a good few stone just stopping drinking full fat sodas and reducing the amount of takeaways he got - I've had to make a lot more changes in my eating habits just to stop gaining weight! And of course men have more muscle, more testosterone, and tend to carry weight around their stomach - all these things mean an easier time losing weight. *shakes fist at men everywhere* damn them!

I like what you said about finding a 'fun alternative' to grazing - I need to fill my weekends with more things than just food!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu May 03, 2012 2:08 am

A LOT of eating on Saturday. Very reasonable Sunday and compliance in exercise since then. No exercise on Monday but yes yesterday and today.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Thu May 03, 2012 6:53 am

Thanks for this discussion on S days - it is very helpful to hear how you are dealing with it, and very encouraging to see that you reached your healthy BMI number, which is a big goal of mine. Have a good week!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu May 03, 2012 12:05 pm

Hi, Amy. Yeah, I wish I was one of the those people who has become pretty carefree and unmoved by food, but not yet. However, I know I'm so much better off than I was and better off than so many in our culture. I even read a book this past year that was called Stop Gaining Weight. So many people would be "gaining' an advantage just not to gain! I feel lucky I've been able to lose, esp. after menopause.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Fri May 04, 2012 6:33 am

I've learned a lot from reading your posts on all different threads here! I checked out the link you left somewhere for a comparision of weight to others of your same age and I was floored (in a good way) to see that I was in the 48th percentile. If I would have had to guess i would have thought I was a lot higher up. So it was very encouraging.

I also tried your advice of having a cup of tea while cooking dinner last night!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri May 04, 2012 9:40 am

I went to that website as well....yik 59% percentile, my goal weight for my age should be 146, I'm currently 178, so 32 to go..it will be nice to see these numbers drop, but can take a long time and I'm okay with that, finally.

Thanks for sharing that...

Ya we are like your virtual fans....checking out every word you say..

And I'm thru menopause so it gives me hope that we can be in our normal BMI, but it requires some life adjustments.

Have a great weekend.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat May 05, 2012 8:34 pm

Had a rather spectacular fail yesterday. I kidded myself for awhile that I would call it a declared S day, but that's just not cricket.

I'm going to run it down. All the teachers were given sweets during some demading schoolwide testing a couple of weeks ago. I tried to give mine back but the ASB said there was nothing they could do with them. I should have come up with a way to give them studetns, though I am more reluctant these days to give out sweets or snacks as rewards. Most days I hadn't thought about them but yesterday, I kept thinking of them and talking myself out of them. Then I just opened up the Milky Way and ate it. I was also going to a birthday party, although at that moment I hadn't been thinking about the cake. But before I went I also ate a Rice Krispies bar and a pop tart. Then cake at the party- 2.5 pieces of cake with a lot of frosting. Then some chocolates. Finally mostly the frosting off six mini-cupcakes bought on the way home.

Thought I wouldn't be hungry this morning, but was. Have eaten more than I needed, though, and a banana was the only fresh thing.

I'm waiting for a plumber now, or I might consider going to the movies just to divert me. I don't have that awful feeling I've had on many days after a failure or on a grazing S day, but it might get that way if I don't get some distance. Wish I had a playmate, but that's not a very smart outlook right now. The truth I know is that I always have the resources to deal with the moment, no matter what it is.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat May 05, 2012 8:36 pm

Oh, for those interested in eating disorder programs, here are the websites for some free online materials from an Australian organization.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resourc ... Info_ID=48

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resourc ... Info_ID=49

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Sun May 06, 2012 10:00 am

For sure the most important thing is to move on right and you have been very successful in moving on after an unplanned S event.

That is the thing with food laying around,,,it has a call button....and sometimes so hard to turn the darn thing off..

AND I like that you don't feed it to your students. Do they know your thoughts on snacking, etc.?

You truly give me hope....I really did terrible yesterday..it is so funny how can I declare I love how I feel on N days only to revert back to my binge days on the weekend..I woke up feeling sick today, hung over..from food..yuk.

Going for a walk soon...gave my best friend the No S book and she is finished with it so we'll talk about it during our walk...we virtual talk

Have a great sunday...i'll check out these 2 sites...

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sun May 06, 2012 1:21 pm

Hey oolala! I don't think you failed at all. I think you can say that you swapped your S Days/events around to fit in with life's unexpected little plans - you know those 'little' curveballs that get tossed in our way every now n again? I know, its easy to say but you get where I'm coming from.

Congratulations on not letting a change of (eating) plans 'get' to you/
lead to an all out binge like I most likely would have done. I know for a fact I would categorically, 100% have done if I hadn't been on No S.

Have a great S Day Sunday

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sun May 06, 2012 2:41 pm

The most important sentence of your entry to me:
"The truth I know is that I always have the resources to deal with the moment, no matter what it is."

This is true. We need not look outward for cures or soothers, but inside instead. Looking outward got us into this predicament in the first place.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun May 06, 2012 5:14 pm

Thanks, everyone!

Roxy, if I had decided on the spur of the moment at the party to have a piece of cake, I probably would have allowed myself to call it a NWS day. But sitting there for a few hours and then just tearing into the candy wrapper has to be a fail for me. And three sweets, then three pieces of cake, then chocoaltes and more cake and frosting constitutes a binge for me, though it was spread out. I was well aware that I was treating the food as a drug at the time, esp, the chocolates (bought at a 99cent store nearer the party) and the cupcakes (bought at another store nearer my house but on the same trip home). But, it's all part of the disorder. I am able to see the big picture, thank goodness. (Lord knows I can't in other areas, and have always been able to in still others.)

I took a book about overcoming bulimia (which I tried twice in my late 20's and didn't have the "stomach" for) and binge eating from the library, It's based on a British program, and is also cognitive behaviorally based, though I haven't gotten to that part yet. Here is a quote that is helping me right now, one that followed the assertion that some do indeed some completely become able to eat without anxiety or concerns about their weight/shape: "However, many remain vulnerable to difficulties with food and related concerns, even if this vulnerability only becomes evident on rare occasions of stress. The existence of the residual susceptibility does not mean, however, that the person has not recovered. Indeed, a realistic notion of recovery that accepts that difficulties with eating may occasionally recur is both more realistic and more helpful than a rigid definition, and can be a protections against both disappointment and imprudence." I see that as a big version of helping to negate the "what the heck" syndrome. And the remedy is pretty much the same. Go back to your sane plan of eating and moving, and continue to develop other areas of possible reward in life: a spiritual connection, daily care of self and home, warm relationships, satisfying work, and pursuit of talents, all in various order and amounts on any given day.

Browsing parts of the book is also convincing me that I have to have some kind of plan for S days, at least in the moments in which I'm alone. Those three pieces of cake in the company of others wouldn't have been a big deal if I hadn't scarfed sweets alone before and after I went. But I am alone so often that I can't imagine saying I can't have S's unless I am with others. Anyway, for the time being, since when most of my time will be spent alone on an S day, I will at least commit to having three meals in a timely fashion no matter what else I do, even if I gorge and am stuffed. That alone might help decrease compulsive overeating. I was thinking of actually recording and calorie counting S's, with a possible limit of 500 calories' worth of them on any one S day. It occurs to me now I could just record whatever S's I have without counting. Since I use my hand as an approximate measuring tool, I was thinking of limiting myself to at most the volume of two fists of S's on an S day, and no more than one at a sitting. If I don't eat the whole amount at one time, it doesn't carry over. Gosh, this is sounding complicated! And it doesn't even cover Sunday morning brunches! Cross that bridge, etc.

All I know is today I am having three meals no matter what. I just finished a late breakfast and ate quite light because I wasn't hungry, but I'm going with the recommendations of the book. It's possible I will have no more S's this weekend, though I always let myself have food tastes at Costco or Trader Joe's on S days because they have never led to a single thought of WTH. In fact, I'm going to commit to that for today. Got no plans with others and honestly, when I have a good meal, dessert is so often not even attractive unless I can share the fun experience with others. I have had many nice experiences with dessert alone, too, so it's not as if I can't. I get plenty of enjoyment from my meals alone, so that's not the issue.

Oh, btw, wanted to report that a woman at the party sitting next to me Friday knew I like frosting and got a piece of cake that she set down and said, "Here, I'll turn the cake so you can have some of the frosting," which I did. She did not even eat a bite of the cake. She's naturally thin. So, see? Skinny people take the cake and then don't even eat it and they don't care what anyone thinks. They are probably not even thinking anyone is paying attention. She probably took it, thinking oh, maybe I'll have some and then decided it didn't appeal. Before that, she had an order of fish tacos, crowed over them, and ate every bite. So, she's not afraid to eat and hiding it. My gosh, I certainly do analyze these things! When will this be over, or more over than it is? I'm betting a lot on having this school year over and having a better schedule next year.

I'm supposed to start a comedy class tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it because I have so much hanging over my head. I have no easy ideas what to do with my seniors after I get back from my trip to New Orleans, and not much time between now and then to think about it. They will be through with their big external exams and will have even less incentive to do more work for 9 more days of class. I have no more books with any lesson plans or materials associated with them so I would be starting from scratch and I resent the idea that I would be working so hard to try to keep their attention when it won't make much difference in anyone's grade. It would mostly be to fulfill some kind of image I have (and others have) of the value of literature and rigor. It's also just another chance to be disappointed that the smart kids in the school have no interest in reading literary stories and talking about them. If they can't get a grade, they don't care. I wouldn't even test these stories or make them write about them if they were willing to at least read them and talk! Even better would be if they would bring in something they liked, except that they so often like schock. Hmm.. but still maybe... that would take a lot of coordination, too, but...

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon May 07, 2012 12:33 am

First off: your students are very lucky to have such a wise and invested teacher. Teachers are my heroes.

Second, I loved your book quote:
"However, many remain vulnerable to difficulties with food and related concerns, even if this vulnerability only becomes evident on rare occasions of stress. The existence of the residual susceptibility does not mean, however, that the person has not recovered. Indeed, a realistic notion of recovery that accepts that difficulties with eating may occasionally recur is both more realistic and more helpful than a rigid definition, and can be a protections against both disappointment and imprudence."

This is important for me to remember as I get frustrated often about not being recovered yet, feeling guilty about all the time and energy I spent long ago "getting better", yet still having the occasional mishap.

I guess my mishaps are fewer and further between. Difficulties with eating, if I'm being realistic will ALWASY occur, so it's HOW I DEAL WITH IT.

Thank you for your in-depth description of your overeating episode. Not like I'm grateful it happened, but I related so.
Last night I was at a school auction and enjoyed a big slice of cake with my table after fish tacos too!
But felt impelled to eat chocolate in the car, eat candy alone at home, etc. etc.
I would have stopped to pick up some had I not already had it.
So I relate on that front.

One thing this book said that I want to yell when bingeing:
"LEAD THE LEAST SECRETIVE LIFE YOU CAN" (by way of food).

This afternoon as I had a handful of swedish fish (I found leftover from movie night) I wanted to yell to my husband and kids:
I'm eating handfuls of these! I'm finishing them off! Just so you know!
I didn't but can see how powerful its affect would be.

Keep on keeping on. You're an inspiration to many.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon May 07, 2012 3:46 am

Oh, Liz, how priceless! I'm eating fish crackers! Just so you know!

Hello, world! I'm sucking down cookie dough! I'm not, but that might be my example.

I actually forgot to have lunch. Got so busy before dance class and there was no hunger. I was not trying to avoid eating. I forgive myself. I did have a few slices of mango. Then at class the center has started selling food and it smelled divine all during class! Got a bowl of Jamaican coconut curry over basmati rice. It wasn't as heavenly as I was expecting but it was good enough. That was at about 4:40. It's 6:36 p.m. now. I said I was going to eat three meals today, but I'm giving myself a pass on that as of now. I know from experience that not having a third meal will not lead to overeating later today or tomorrow for me, nor will I be picking at anything before bedtime, either. I feel content. If hunger arises, I have soup and other good light food. If not, so be it. I'll try three meals again next S day.

In addition, I have a tentative plan I thought of for the days of school coming up that I was dreading. Feeling that I didn't know what I was going to do and fearing that only ideas that would cost me a lot of time and effort was underlying some of my eating yesterday. Ideally, I wouldn't eat even if I wasn't stressed, but it's just nice tonight not to feel vulnerable.

I'm trying not to go food shopping until I really have to. I often have so much stuff in the fridge and freezer that it's a hassle to move it all around.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Mon May 07, 2012 8:44 am

I am learning so much reading your posts. I do think that eating disorders are like addictions in the way there will always be the possibility of backsliding. So I guess it's better to think of improving the behaviors over time, and not thinking we will ever be 100% cured. And also not beating ourselves up when we do slip.

Sounds like you have a tough time ahead with the last 2 weeks of school - hang in there!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat May 19, 2012 7:13 pm

Since I've checked in, I went on a 5-day weekend to New Orleans, though I spent most of Tuesday just getting back to San Diego. The weekend felt great food wise. I ate many delicious foods but rarely felt very full and bloated. I did a bit more walking and got my 14 minutes in most days.

After reveiwing my progerss over the past 28 months and continuing to read regarding eating disorders and food compulsion, I'm finally ready to accept some more rigorous modifications on S days. It just hasn't been found to work well for compulsive eaters who are susceptible to SO many food cues to be free wheeling in their eating habits. I've certainly done better than I used to but still have many times that I just eat way too much of very dense foods, such as 8-12 oz. of chocolate at a sitting or multiple servings of cake with thick frosting. Even while I'm eating them, the effect they have is different from other food, and I can feel a kind of rush or tingly experience that doesn't match eating meals or other foods. Yet, until now, I just wasn't willing to impose more restriction on myself besides trying to wait until I was hungry to eat. That meant sometimes having to go for ten hours or even once 36 hours. It wasn't torture, but for my situation, it wasn't leading to more sanity. Maybe I can live that way someday, but not now.

So on S days, here are my mods for the next month.

1. Mostly stick with three meals; exception, brunch with others, after which it's likely I will want only one meal.
2. Snacks between meals OR dessert on any one day to be decided at the BEGINNING of the day. Random decisions might come later, but are contraindicated for now.
3. Dessert cannot be bigger in volume than one fist. Dessert CAN be eaten instead of a meal, but only in the company of others.
4. Sweets included in snacks cannot be bigger than 1/2 fist.
5. Snacks cannot be bigger in total than two fists.
6. If a previous meal has left me still full when it's time for another meal, still eat, but opt for very light- broth with veggies, salad, etc.

Yes, there were many days even after more than two years of pretty darn good N days and a 30-lb. loss that I was eating much more than what would be allowed here. I even already had a close call this morning. I brought home dessert from a buffet yesterday and had a fail with it last night. I was okay with that though because I didn't have the WTH effect and finish everything off. I went to a friend's where she was having a yard sale and had a bit of an anxiety-provoking experience. As I was walking to my car, I thought of the rest of the dessert at home. I had already planned to use my snack mod at an event this afternoon. I had to talk myself out of coming home and sucking down that cake. But I'm past it now. I;ll have a light lunch and go to my event free to have snacks, as I know I will want to. And I will have the cake tomorrow either after lunch or dinner--no morning cake, as I have done in the past. I don't enjoy it as much then and it feels more driven.

Man, food is powerful! And its effects sure hang on. I guess that's part of being human for most of us. No matter how much I may have thoughts of decrying its hold, I realize it's absolutely tolerable and a small cross to bear in the scheme of things. If I pursue not dwelling on it, it comes and goes. I vow to become more resourceful and to develop myself in other areas that are as fulfilling or more, esp. after the school year ends.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Sun May 20, 2012 7:05 am

Welcome back! It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into your S day modifications. After doing this for over 2 years you have gotten a lot of feedback for yourself on what works best for you! Reading about your (and others') experiences on these boards have given me so much optimism in the past few weeks, so thanks for sharing all of it!

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Sun May 20, 2012 9:10 am

Welcome back oolala, sounds like you had a good holiday!

Even if you want more control over your S days, remember you have already made brilliant steps doing NoS as is - your signature proves it! I definitely agree that for some people, zero controls on S days can be difficult. Looking forward to seeing how the structure works for you

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Sun May 20, 2012 9:25 am

Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate all the knowledge you acquired over the last 28+ months and that you are such a good teacher that it carries over into your personal life..

It just hasn't been found to work well for compulsive eaters who are susceptible to SO many food cues to be free wheeling in their eating habits.

I like what you said here! Do you think to early for me to try? I'm afraid I would rebel, but then I had bingeing...so go figures.

Have a great Sunday!!!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sun May 20, 2012 2:03 pm

Great wisdom and insight, again, oolala. Welcome back we have missed you!
I think your S days' rules are very reasonable. I know I do better with a little structure. As long as there are no actual rules as to WHAT I can eat, specifically, just quantity, I think I would feel lots less deprived.

Good work on not inhaling the the cake when you got home.

And even more great work on looking to pursue other interests and fulfilling areas of your life. That is key. To fill the void that the time suck preoccupation with food can lead to!

Take care!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun May 20, 2012 6:18 pm

Tx, ladies. I already told Deb that I failed on many accounts, but in such less degree that I see this as doable over time.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sun May 20, 2012 9:10 pm

WELL DONE, oolala! Welcome back and trust you enjoyed your vacation!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Mon May 21, 2012 8:27 am

Thanks Oolala, I guess I didn't see the stuffing as a habit either, just a side effect of the binge...but your perspective really added value to how I will start looking at things.

Will start another round of 21 days today. I hope to incorporate some sort of structure this coming weekend...will do a lot of thinking thru the week.

I know that if I continue on and on this way, the habit will never be broken.

Have a great week!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 22, 2012 5:10 pm

Love reading your posts. You have learned so much about your behavior with regards to eating. I'm still trying to figure it out and reading your posts sheds a lot of light for me with my own behaviors.

I'm struggling with weekends. Actually, seems like I struggle in general come Thursday. I just don't do well without some kind of structure, like you pointed out. I don't want to impose too many rules on myself that I'll feel too deprived and end up binging. I need to come up with a mod for sweets on the weekend. I felt so awful Monday morning after my binging on sugar all weekend. Not sure that limiting portion size will work for me. I have too much of a tendency to give in to the WTH thinking. I wrote out my list of reasons for wanting to lose weight and am working at keeping those goals at the front of my mind. Hopefully that will help overcome my cravings and maybe exert some self control with sugar, if I do indulge on the weekend.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed May 23, 2012 9:38 am

Hi there...I bought the book on willpower, the one that you recently talked about..very interesting...I love where he said we don't realize it is not about that we don't have willpower, it is just we deplete our ego during the day from using our willpower to make decisions we don't realize we are making, for one, keeping our mouths shut at work

. Hence why there really is no choice, no decisions to make, no snacking allowed

. If we believe that, then no pressure in making a decision in should I or shouldn't I. Funny how he said, even leaving candy out at work, the group that saw the candy constantly ate more of it then the group that hid it in their desk.

I don't have to tell you about it

I just am enjoying reading some of the scenarios. Hence why they say out of sight, out of mind!

Hope all is well! The last couple of days, even though I know I'm not hungry, I had a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach...maybe hormones as even if thru the menopause stag we still deal with them

Have a great day...

Thanks for all you do!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed May 23, 2012 6:57 pm

What is the name of the book on willpower? Tried to find it in back posts but didn't have any luck.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri May 25, 2012 9:07 am

Hi there.....thanks for stopping by...I'm hoping to work on breaking the habit of stuffing myself this weekend...not sure how yet, but I plan on it.

I have been back for 10 weeks now, boy time flies...

When I think of messing with my S days, a thought came to me "a little girl that someone is holding her hand trying to put it to the flame on the stove"..so afraid of being burned. I guess that is how it feels about S days and trying to fix them.. Strange isn't it.

Hope you have a nice weekend.

p.s. yes I like to see a few different, colorful things on my plate...makes it tastes all the better. except for breakfast, well now instead of 1 thing I have 2 things...does the mind good

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue May 29, 2012 12:27 am

Had a decent week, with a small fail Friday night on a girls' nite out. It's hard to take the few extra swipes I made at the bean and cheese dip with a few extra chips as terrible, but I do want to tighten things up. I wasn't hungry!

Saturday wasn't good. My mods I had so carefully thought of were forgotten. I didn't even review them. And when I met the half-price can of decorator frosting, it only took a second to pick it up off the shelf. I had managed not to eat any of the can of cookies I had with me and had been considering donating the can to the array of foods at the event I was attending. But then I couldn't eat way too many of them at once in the car, now could I? So there I was, driving back to the meeting after a reasonable lunch, shooting orange cream frosting into my mouth and crunching on rollup chocolate cookies, none of which got donated to the event. (I did have some more but left the rest at a new friend's house last night.) The good news is I went out for a casual platonic dinner with someone I know from this new group after the get-together and didn't feel compelled to overdo it. I ate reasonably of the leftovers the next day, too. So the whole weekend was not a bust.

And now I remember what my mods were. I had toyed with the idea of not allowing myself ANY S's in private, but I won't decide on that now. I have had some times when I was able to eat one dessert like a normie alone on an S day. I'll wait until it's closer to next weekend. Don't want to make decisions in the midst of any vestige of regret, as that can be misleading.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue May 29, 2012 4:31 am

Sounds like you dented the car and not a total wreck. Not that you can even fail on an S day, but you had some higher expectations of yourself...

I, too, relate to the driving in the car bingeing. Did it Saturday night. Two McDonald's ice cream cones and cookies. From 2 diff. McDonald's. Driving alone in car like it never happened.

I like the S in public mod. A lot. Though it would be hard.

Thanks for your insight, as always.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed May 30, 2012 1:35 am

Thank you for the post on my check in! I almost blew off my trip to the gym after work because I was tired (from the sugar crash) and discouraged. Your post motivated me to stick to my plan of exercising. Felt much better!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed May 30, 2012 5:28 am

I did a lot of posting today. It increased my desire to be strictly moderate. Had a good day.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed May 30, 2012 9:02 am

I know posting has benefits as well as a downside of spending too much time sitting

p.s. yes, saw the post on the strictness podcast..I'll listen again this weekend. my S days are killing me...

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Wed May 30, 2012 9:50 am

I am having a similar issue with trying to find out how S days can work best for me - I will be interested to hear what your thoughts are for the coming weekend. Enjoy the rest of the week!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed May 30, 2012 2:22 pm

Listened to "strictness" podcast last night before bed. WOW! Such common-sense and humor! I love how he said "strictness make things easier". When it's black and white, you have less decisions to make.

We are BOMBARDED with food coming at every angle that to decide ahead of time, it makes sense!

THanks for the suggestion, again. It truly helped to review it.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed May 30, 2012 7:23 pm

Just want to say that though my S days may keep me from losing more weight, I don't feel that they negate N days. May seem paradoxical, but green N days in my book are always a blessing no matter what I do on S days. I lived for 40 years bingeing probably 80% of the time. Reversing that is still good stuff for me. However, I did get down to my normal BMI range and have no health issues. (I think I'm up a bit, but I've got until June 20 before I have an official weigh in. Enough time for a 21-day Vanilla streak WITH exercise, since I'll be off work. No real excuse, though I don't have one for 14 minutes on any day. Or at least 10. Anyway, I'm going to join the June challenge.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Thu May 31, 2012 3:25 am

Thanks oolala for being my voice of reason as always! I have been feeling a bit low recently - combination of stuff, mainly not feeling well - caught some kind of bug and had a bit of a strange Sunday eating wise. No structure and just bingeing - like i used to do for so many years - on anything that came to hand. Driving along and stuffing my face with popcorn and candy - something I hardly ever do. It was definitely a severe case of mindless eating. Sigh!

Had been turning my thoughts back to WW and the other diet clubs I used to attend. But I know for a fact they wouldn't help me so it was just "wasted energy". I am a committed No S-er full stop! Good luck with your June weigh in, hon. I am sure you will be fine as ever. My official weigh in is June. Probably end of this week... but I may hold off on it for a week or two.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu May 31, 2012 5:49 am

I'm sorry, Roxy, about the "lows" recently, especially when you don't feel well already!
I totally understand the stuffing your face with popcorn and candy. Mindless eating to keep your mind off the other stuff!
Glad you're committed to No-S. We can all jump back in as easily as we jumped out...

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Thu May 31, 2012 11:14 am

Just stopping by to say I am going to spend part of my day catching up on YOU! I need to go back those 9 months I was MIA and read it all. I can tell by just what I have read hat you are a much more confident, in control person than when I left. Hats off to you!!

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Thu May 31, 2012 3:30 pm

Thanks liz! Your kind and understanding words mean a lot! Weighed myself this morning and I am hovering between 172-173 lbs. This is getting to be 'danger zone' now.... in that if I continue this hovering I know I will permanently have the 2 or 3 lbs on. However, I haven't had as much exercise this week so hopefully I can improve on that, now i'm starting to feel a bit better. I also think i might make a few 'painless' tweaks on my N Days... starting with N Days as they cause me the least bother - i.e. having one granola bar at breakfast instead of my usual 2 for example. Looking back when i first started No S (2009), I only ever had one granola bar at breakfast. Might not sound like much, but it probably adds up quite a lot over the 7 day period. Baby steps, right??

Have a nice day, all, and talk to you guys soon!

oolala: I know you're a 'cool dude' and won't bat an eyelid, but sorry for butting into your post! lol

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:12 pm

Hi guys!

Hope you are all doing good today. Well, I was going to post my weight this morning (tentatively!) because it is indeed June already and about time for my official weigh in record. HOWever, I stepped on the scale and got a reading of 173 lbs this morning. Disappointing! BUT... I think it is artificially high this week because of several factors: I have been sick with some kind of head cold/virus and as such, have been taking cold meds and cough sweets to suppress my tickly cough, particularly at night time; I've also been working a different schedule this week and did not get the same opportunities for walking that I usually do during the week and because of time constraints, I have been eating mostly bread/starch foods/snacky dinners (sandwiches etc). So.... its not cheating - really - is it?

I will hold off till next week to record my weight. I am also pretty annoyed at the extra weight that seems to have crept on. I am hoping to nip it in the bud and not have it permanently on there, along with the other 20 lbs I really need to lose. If I weigh the same next week, then unfortunately, it will have to be recorded as my official 'new' weight

Perhaps one good thing: this extra poundage may be enough of a kick up the b**t to get me motivated again. Not that I ever lost my motivation I will hasten to add; but I had only one granola bar instead of 2 this morning for example. It did not feel like a hardship at all.

Fingers crossed!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:28 pm

When I started No S at the end of Dec. in 2009, I said I was willing not to lose weight, but that I wanted to get more sane in my eating. However, I never had to face not losing at least some weight. I also really wanted to get to my normal BMI and thought I could because I knew I was continuing to be immoderate on S days and I didn't exercise consistently.

I did get to normal BMI (154) in March of this year. Now I have to admit that I also believe I should be able to get to about 145 because of the same reasons. That's what I weighed in high school and what I weighed the most as an adult with a spike to 155 for several years after my first official diet. It doesn't drive me crazy or anything, but it does bother me that I just don't exercise as I think I should just for sanity and basic health, and that S days I eat too much to get hungry as I do on N days.

I've started imagining what it would be like not to have this in the back of my mind and the idea of having this accomplished by Dec. 31st of this year is starting to firm up. But I don't like having weight goals. I prefer to aim at habits. Just as I said I wanted to heal my eating whether I lost weight or not (yet I don't know for sure I would have stuck to it if I didn't lose at all), I want to "heal" my resistance to regular exercise, too. I probably will lose some weight, but the pride in the habit and the good feelings I will get from feeling more springy, as I have in the past, are also big motivators. As of today, I have six months, though honestly, I would like to think I can lose 9 lbs. by my birthday on Sept. 26. That's fast by No S standards, but if exercise and eating come together for the next 16 weeks, it might happen. (Forget the whole 1-2 lbs. a week. That is either for people much heavier or for the birds. I can't believe people still aim at it with the fiasco it's been for 50 years. Can't they put 2 and 2 together?)

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:13 pm

I will be checking in on you every day this month.

I am also making a hard shift. I am 5' 7" and 65 yrs old. I think that NoS has broken the lifetime binge behavior which is nothing to take lightly.

I also have to make myself MOVE MORE. I got into my acceptable BMI range and have crept upward. I have given up for now the goal of my youthful weight (which I thought was too high at the time), but I do want to get off this last 10 lbs. and it is going to take some FOCUS.

I hope you are off for the summer and can take a break to recharge.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:58 am

Hey oolala! Love, love, love your posts! And all the best in your quest (no rhyme intended, lol) to get to your goal weight. I am sure you can do it however I would be over the moon to be at your weight right now and to be able to stick with it. That is the key for me also. I guess with the exception of this month when I have gained - I have been maintaining with No S albeit at a higher weight.

I'm very much with you on the losing 1-2 lbs a week thing. At this stage in my life, i would be delighted to lose 1 or 2 lbs in 6 months! To consistently lose a couple of lbs a week would take really drastic action... aka starvation .... for me to lose anything and even then.... plus how could you keep it up? It would be miserable and I'd probably just gain it all back and then some!

You are doing wonderfully hon and I am glad you have found peace and sanity with No S. I am getting there .... was at peace to a certain extent...that certain extent being those recent sneaky creep on lbs.

Have a great weekend and looking forward to your next post(s)!

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:25 pm

Oolala, someone said, "How do you know what you know until you see what you say?" and I have always believed that works for those of us that take the time to put pen to paper, so to speak.
I started writing several different things and deleted them all.
YOU know yourself so well. I suggest you go back and really read some of your own entries and what you've told others.
You will do what is best for you.... you knew it all along!

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:26 pm

Oolala, someone said, "How do you know what you know until you see what you say?" and I have always believed that works for those of us that take the time to put pen to paper, so to speak.
I started writing several different things and deleted them all.
YOU know yourself so well. I suggest you go back and really read some of your own entries and what you've told others.
You will do what is best for you.... you knew it all along!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:36 pm

Thanks for your post on my thread! Ya I love that post about the girl who lost all that weight. She's SO positive and just plugs along. She's apparently writing a book soon. She definitely "gets" balance.
"Life in between"...going so well.
Have a happy weekend yourself.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:05 pm

Thanks, Grammy! Hi, Liz. Our two posts must have crossed in cyberspace as I put this up and then found out you had posted. I'll work on that happy weekend after a nap.

Might I need only two full meals a day? Had a light breakfast and then mocha at work. Wasn't hungry for any of it but wanted it. We had a party at the principal's house and even at nearly 3 p.m., I wasn't really hungry, but I had my plate. Not enough salad available but a reasonable plate. No sweets. I went to a 75-minute dance class around 6 p.m. and was only barely hungry at 9 p.m. I ate anyway. I could easily have gone to bed with nothing in terms of hunger but I wanted to be able to eat! I wanted to taste and chew! Ate more than I intended but definitely less than a normal meal. Sigh. Resentful again. Body, for pity's sake, if you don't get hungry, don't crave food anyway!

Took until around 9 this morning to feel a smidgeon of hunger.

At the same time, the idea of moderation for S days has become attractive to me. I have a ton of cake around because of end-of-the-school-year events and months ago or even weeks ago would have likely told myself I was going to be smart about it but would have eaten cake by 8:30 a.m. Would have convinced myself it was okay and then felt logy for hours.

Today it occurred to me again to have some but I immediately thought, Now, would that be moderate? No, it is not moderate to eat cake for or soon after breakfast, especially when I'm not even hungry. And I might allow myself to be immoderate on purpose once a month or a quarter, but not today. I already ate an extra piece of bread with bean dip on it rather randomly, but I ate it slowly and called it a day. Or a morning. Made my mocha and there will be no more food until, until...when? What if I don't get hungry at 1 p.m.? 2 p.m.? 3 p.m. How long should I wait? Going to another dance class today just before dinner time. I really feel that I will not be hungry for more than one more meal today, but don't have a lot to fill up the time. Work is over, but now I have the mess of my house to face. And few fun plans. Will I eat before class? After it? Will I be hungry?

I don't believe there is an easy answer to this. I know I have to find the way I need to live my life in between my meals. Is there something else I'm supposed to get or do? I haven't been able to create a romantic relationship despite incredible effort (take my word for it). And yes, I have also gone through periods of not trying and no, it didn't happen then, either. In fact, I haven't put any energy into it for several months and I it's been fine. I'll probably put an ad out but it won't consume me.

I haven't been able to create a lot of the things in life that seem to fill other people's time. Or be willing to do a lot of what they do, like clean the house!

I know I have things I want to pursue but it all sounds rather tiring right now.

I sound more down than I am. But I do think I'm going to lie down. And I'll put on some music and do dishes when I get up.

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:20 pm

Just wanted to say thanks for your encouragement on my and many other threads oolala

I eat 2 meals per day quite a lot - I never eat breakfast and often don't have time or inclination for a third mid-afternoon meal.

I'm with you on the not wanting to clean too haha

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:39 am

Getting to the healthy BMI range is a great accomplishment (that is my current goal) but I know what you mean about having specific weight goals - sometimes putting that particular kind of pressure on can backfire. But I am going to be rooting for you all the way!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:44 pm

Goll darn it. It's 12:33 pm and I am still not hungry. Have not eaten today, not even coffee. I feel a little nauseous. It's possible that like a pregnant woman I might feel better if I eat, but I got a whiff of hunger about an hour ago but it went away fast. I'm choosing to wait until it comes back.

I'm trying to cooperate with this because I think that sometimes this happens because deep down, the desire to be slimmer is trying to help out! It's saying, well, you'd like to weigh less. I'm taking away real hunger so that it's easier to eat less. Just go with it.

It doesn't take away thoughts of food or the desire to eat. However, if I don't give in, maybe those will go away eventually, too.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:28 pm

Wow I'm shocked you don't get hungry that often. I mean I understand not being hungry after bingeing, but maybe you're right and your body is helping you out.
I don't know if I'd be that compliant about listening to my tummy since I enjoy the process of eating!

I'm sorry about the nausea. Yuck.
Take care of yourself today.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:47 am

Thanks, Liz. Yes, it is a bit shocking.

I finally had a very light lunch and a slice of cake. It was all okay, but not like it would have been had I been very hungry. I thought I might be able to just skip eating the rest of the day as I was pretty sure I wouldn't get hungry again. I was right about not getting hungry, but I did eat. A bit of picking at this and that. I had been longing for some pasta so I finally cooked some and ate it with some garlic and herb cooking creme. Some bean dip. Some matzo crackers. those weren't good. It's stupid some of the things we eat just to chew.

I feel a little bit bad I gave in to eating, but only a little. The worst is just feeling full. It's not that bloated feeling, but still full and I get thirsty so I keep getting full from drinking water. Nothing else to do but wait. This kitchen is closed for the night anyway.

I'm hoping I am extending the time I can wait. I'm not trying to starve myself. I wish I were more hungry! But I'll try again tomorrow. I'm predicting another day of this feeling from experience.

It's kind of funny because I sometimes think I would be able to handle getting something like cancer because I wouldn't fight it in the sense that I wouldn't spend a lot of time saying," why me?" and" I shouldn't be feeling like this." I would expect to feel crappy if I had cancer. But in this situation, I don't understand why I feel crappy, so I'm puzzled and a little resistant. Not like I used to be, feeling terribly sorry for myself because I hated my body but I couldn't give up food, even bingeing until I felt rotten. I would work myself down into a real depression over that. This is more like a low level malaise. I know it's also because I have other things hanging over my head. They're mostly middle class angst, so I don't want to write about them now. I've got a good book on Advaita and I just took an Epsom salt bath after my dance class. June is our most overcast month in San Diego and it's actually quite cool out, so it sounds good to tuck myself into my fleece sheets and read myself to sleep.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:31 am

Sounds all good, oolala!

I just read an article in the latest edition of a woman's magazine about eating low carb or fasting for 2 days out of 7 and those who partook (sp?) in this apparently lost weight quicker than those 'conventional dieters'. Might be something in it. IF I could drum up the willpower to give it a try, that is!

Many years ago, I went on a liquid supplement type diet and amazingly it didn't take me long to diminish my appetite and feelings of hunger. I actually found that I did better not to eat anything and then as soon as some food passed my lips, I got the cravings real strong!!

This bug I have right now has somewhat affected my appetite and I think it couldn't have happened at a better time when I feel my willpower is stronger and determination to get down from 173 lbs.

Have also started taking sublingual B12 - not sure if that has any bearing on it. This morning, I was hovering between 170 and 169 lbs. Yesterday I was 171 lbs. As you suggested, oolala. I am going to keep note of my weight this week and record my average weight as the official one. Unless of course by some miracle, I might lose a few lbs for a change!
Had 2 very moderate and organized S Days this weekend btw. No urge to overdo it. Best 2 S Days I think I have ever had since I began No S. Might be a combination of disappointment over the climbing weight and not feeling 100% at the moment.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:58 am

I've heard about that low-carb 2 days a week thing. However, I don't think that is habit friendly at this point. I just want to keep my N days compliant and keep moving toward eating sanity on S days. If I have a few months of that and am still really unhappy with my weight (unlikely) or feel I can afford some experimentation, I might try it. I just keep thinking of those thin French women and Italian women and Asian women. Have they ever had a low carb day in their lives? Moderation, moderation, moderation.

I finally feel normal after feeling mostly slightly nauseous the whole weekend. I may really be getting intolerant of rich food. Not my idea of a blessing, though I have occasionally wished for something like this. Be careful what you wish for. My main prayer is just to be delivered from the desire for food when I'm not hungry.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 6:07 am

Amen to avoiding getting into low carb and such. Moderation is so key. I've toyed so much with paleo, low carb, low sugar. And it's all helpful in weight loss, but it messes with your head and is not easy in the world socially.

I'm glad you're feeling better.Take care of yourself. Maybe the bingeing and depression was clouding the malaise and you now have to face it.
But for now enjoy the sheets, salty air, and a good book.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:48 am

Well, had quite a day. Ate popcorn for breakfast because they give it away free at the auto repair shop I go to, along with free coffee.

I thought I was just getting an 85,000 mile service, about 80 bucks. Turned out I needed tires (I knew that was coming and was going to take the car to Costco-- my shop beat their price!) and front and rear brakes. Plus all the little ancillary things, the break flush, the this, the that. To the tune of $1500. (Included a loaner car to use until I pick it up tomorrow. They had to order the tires.) I gotta say, they never try to talk me into things and I've owned this car for 6 years spending only the money needed for routine service, so I guess I was due. I mean, tires and brakes do wear out. I still felt kind of shell-shocked, but I didn't eat over it. Chicken salad lunch from Costco with no dressing. The chicken is so salty that I don't even want any dressing. Dinner was a little funny stuff because I had a class to go to and I forgot that papers I needed were in the back seat, so I was rushing a bit. Didn't put it all on a plate or sit down, but I'm still counting today as green because I know it was moderate. Maybe even less than moderate.

BTW, the serving of dressing they give you at Costco is HUGE. At home, I poured it into a bottle of dressing I had that was almost empty and it filled up all the fat part up until the beginning of the narrow neck. I've gotten used to not drenching my salads. In fact, I often just eat the salad with my dinner, mixing it in with other foods for flavor, as I might with veggies, so no dressing. I just prefer not having to many strong flavors at a meal, and it's a lot of salt. The fact that it saves me calories is icing on the cake.

I'm also still surprised, though, that thoughts of eating at the wrong times still occur to me often, even though I haven't done it much in the past two years, really. I would have thought I would have forgotten about it as an option by now. But when I was leaving my class, I found myself thinking of stopping for cookies at Von's or seeing if a donut shop I passed had this kind of filled donut which was one of the few I really liked. That's how I used to eat a lot of junk. They were crimes of opportunity. "I'll get a donut IF they have such and such a type." As if that justifies it. "I'll be smart about what I eat IF there's no stupid food I like available." Doomed. Of course there's going to be stupid food available! This is America!

But eating between meals is usually just a passing thought and almost never occurs before lunch.

Gotta say, though, food was available all day long when I travelled in India, too. Indians love little crispy snack things as much as Americans, and they were sold in shops and from carts. I never ate them, as they didn't look appealing, but I've had some here in America that were pretty good. And some kind of restaurant was open in big cities from early morning until night, though not all night, when I was there, unlike some countries, where food joints close between the end of lunch and the beginning of dinner. There are actually a fair number of people traveling all the time in India and they need to have food available.

What am I going on about? Shoot, it's late and I don't want to get into the habit of staying up late on summer break. Or tempt fate by being awake so many hours after dinner. But it's been six hours and I'm not a bit hungry.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:48 am

Hi Oolala, I know it is so hard to put money in a car when it is running well

, my Elantra always seemed to need brakes and headlights..reminds me gave the car to my husband that I noticed the brake light is out.

I have a leased Sonata, very nice..first time leasing..not really happy with our decision..but we'll see...my miles should be at 3,600, but I'm at 1,200 so they'll be owing me money when I turn the car back in, unless I keep it..but who knows..if I'm working still maybe, if not, I'll have to find a used one..should start having a car fund...

Noticed you did a lot of minutes in dance the other day, that is great..they say it is nice to switch things up a bit.

Oh ya, that is great you don't require as much food when you eat..just goes to show your body is talking to you and you are listening to it...way to go!!!

Hopefully most of us here will get to that point!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 1:59 pm

Your car story is reminding me how behind I am on getting our van serviced! Just waiting for THAT bill. Needs to be done before a big road trip at the end of the month, though!

I hear ya on Costco. It's almost funny. Their portions there are like everything they sell. JUST HUGE! I mean I know the salad you speak of and it could be the dinner salad for a family! Sometimes I buy their pre-packaged salads and stuff, serve them to EVERYONE. With our own dressing. But, you gotta love their prices (going there today, actually...a frequent stop...their produce is the best price for my big fam).

It's funny those ingrained habits that are hard to break, even mentally. I feel that way whenever I get in the car alone without my kids. I feel entitled to go "get a treat" somewhere. Last night, I had an errand to run alone and was like, "I"M FREE"! "I'll go get a cupcake, ice cream cone, etc." But I didn't. But it was like an automatic thought.

Take care today. Happy summer. Our kids are still in school until June 22. But I'm glad since it's POURING rain and 48 degrees. JUNE-UARY in Seattle!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 8:43 pm

Well, Deb, I'm actually on the fence about needing less food, as my desire, though not as driving as it used to be, is still bigger than my hunger, and continues to annoy me. I keep thinking it's from having too many tasks I want to avoid. It doesn't bother me when I'm either very busy with fun things or even with stressful things like teaching, but when the pressure lightens and I'm left to my own thoughts, which I think I want, the URGES can come. Or when it's normal meal time and there is no hunger but still that desire.

Okay, enough analyzing this. Was supposed to have a late breakfast out with a friend I picked up at the airport. She got a call from someone who she thought was saying today was the only day they could get together, so we dropped the breakfast plan and I took myself to a nice early lunch, a Chinese buffet. I get the food to go and it's by the pound, so I have no incentive to fill the container to bursting. It was a nice amount but not enough starch I wanted. I don't like the fried rice and noodles at those places. So I gave myself permission to have a piece of bread when I got home. I'm not calling it a fail because I didn't have breakfast.

It's a beautiful day out but I"m still waiting for a call that my car is finished. I didn't sleep well and will take a nap, even though the sun is out. I just don't want to fight this feeling. I guess I might perk up if I took a walk, but I won't find out today.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:34 am

I had a nice dinner and a small fail tonight. But did not and will not crash the car.

BeingGreen · Post by **BeingGreen** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:39 pm

Hooray for dealing with a small dent! Keep on truckin'

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:34 pm

So proud, oolala! Admire you keeping it smalL!
Hope today is good!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:37 am

Same friend and I got together with iffy lunch plans. She came rather late, wasn't hungry, and I said I just needed to eat at home. It was getting late and I was getting antsy. I have gotten better about waiting, but I've found there is a window of opportunity in which I must eat breakfast or lunch, or it will throw off everything. And I was hungry! We ended up meeting another friend for happy hour and then returning to my place and I made a makeshift dinner. I was glad because she didn't seem to be in the mood to eat out and I was glad because I got to eat what I wanted. It was a very nice eating day.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:18 pm

I don't usually have a problem with eating out, so I wasn't avoiding it, but I realized I was affected by the fact that my friend was being so chill about eating. Actually, it was that I was aware that she was operating just from whim and eating because the food was there. At happy hour, the two of them ordered sweet potato fries. (The fries didn't look that good to me.) along with booze. As time went on I mentioned getting dinner, but he had to go and she said she wasn't really hungry since she had had the fries. But when I was making dinner she said, Wow that smells good! And I knew she wanted some. I was happy to increase the portions but felt a little like I was feeding someone's drug habit. When I knew her years ago, she was slim and ate very naturally. Now she has put on about 30 lbs., I'd say, and I'm sure she has gotten out of whack with her natural appetite. But she's got to come to it on her own, and probably will. I doubt she'll ever try a regular diet, so it won't mess her up. I also realize now that I hadn't wanted to go out to eat with her if I thought she was eating just to eat. I hardly ever worry about that with other people. But she represents someone whose ordered eating has gotten disordered and I know now that scares me. I didn't want to be witnessing it at a dinner out. But I don't want to be controlled by that. I can enjoy my meal either way.

Okay, I know I need to look at how much I still dwell on all this. I'm almost afraid to because I think I know what to do about it, but I also don't want to give it up. I'm pretty sure my plan will work over time and then I'll have lost this! Because the obsession with thinking about all this seems better than being obsessed with eating too much and hating myself, but is it? Is there something else to be doing?

Anyway, I know one way to deal with it is by doing an anti-OCD technique I used (and use, to some extent now) when I first started No S. I've written about this before but will again because even I don't know how to find it. I'm surprised no one talks about the similarity between OCD and food/body image obsession. But in this case, it would be for decreasing the ATTENTION I give to this topic.

Anyway, here are the steps of the technique as it applied to food.
1. When I get a thought or anxious urge to eat at the wrong times, I relabeled it as an obsessive thought/urge. I see it as a false alarm.
2. I see the urge as part of my food obsession prompted by a neurochemical cycle that is not "me,' meaning there is no moral judgment on my having these urges. It's just a biochemical imbalance. I acknowledged the thought as being unnecessary to follow through on because it was just coming from my disordered brain. Nothing bad was going to happen if I didn't eat. Even if I got more anxious or even hungry, I could tolerate the feeling. (OC'ers often have a terribly anxious feeling and are convinced the feelings will get worse and something terrible will happen if they don't wash their hands or whatever. Sound familiar?)
3. I purposely choose to do another activity that is either pleasurable (and life affirming!) or productive or both for at least 15 minutes. Even if I give in, I recognize in a compassionate way that I'm eating out of compulsion. I tell myself I'll wait longer next time.
4. Over time, use my sense of impartial observation to revalue the types of thoughts and urges that prompt me to overeat and my previous reactions to them, and see that they have not been worth following through on and that it has been okay not to obey the urges.

Now to apply this to even thinking about this whole issue is going to be a bit trickier because I can't come on here to divert me from doing it, as I have used this so much to divert me from eating. But I'm still "bingeing" on the topic. It will involve not only doing something else, but compassionately directing my thoughts away from this while i do it. In the past, I may have done the dishes or cleaned, but I could still be thinking about food or not eating. Now I have to come up with not only other things to do but things that will really take thought, things that I must absorb myself in. I'm going to have to work on this.

So now it's not just answering the question What would I do if I didn't eat, but also what will I think about if I'm not thinking about food? More thoughts on this later.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:14 pm

Never thought about my food obsession being similar to OCD, but wow, that's exactly how my mind works. If I could hook up some kind of thought monitoring device I'd be curious how much of my waking time is spent thinking about food. To me it seems like a lot! My thoughts about sweets at times can become a mental obsession, just as someone with a substance abuse problem has. With a drinking or drug addiction you abstain completely from the substance. How do you do that with food? I've tried totally giving up sugar and I know that will never work for me. I don't want to never have sweets again.

The other day you posted about how the minds of naturally thin people work. It is so true, and I am so NOT one of those people. I wish I could become one, but it would be hard. I'd have to be really committed to changing my thinking and behaviors, and lately I haven't been doing very well (by my own choice).

Hope you find something enjoyable to do to take your mind off thinking

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 6:47 am

I agree with you on the similarities between OCD and the issues we deal with on our food behaviors...they really are compulsions. The technique you described makes me think of what I am learning in mindfulness training I am taking right now (to deal with other issues but I think it will definitely help me with the food issues as well) - the whole idea of compassionate objective attention to what is really going on, instead of getting sucked into the maelstrom of the compulsion. The only thing is, it's not always that easy to remember to do!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:45 am

Good points. Seems like when I'm dieting (counting calories) I'm obsessing about food, what to eat, what not to eat..ALL day long, plus reading books, going on the net to see if I can find the magic words someone wrote to change me. Today, I still spend time but not on counting, but feeling I need to be on the boards, thinking about my thinking and how to fix it.

I'm pretty darn tired of it...55 and seems my pattern of giving up is on the rise, the reds start and I don't care starts.

But then I obsess at how fat I've gotten, and obsess on how disgusted I am..

So I guess all around I'm obsessing...

Geeze...how discouraging thoughts can be.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:00 pm

I've been having what I call small fails recently. Just bits and bites more, mostly after dinner. I don't do it at other times. I haven't felt bad about them but I'm realizing they likely come from the compulsion. What else? I don't really need the few extra bites of whatever and esp. when it's sugar, which it sometimes is. I haven't been marking them so I don't know if that would be enough to turn it around.

But I've been thinking more aobut the OCD stuff, even before I wrote it recently. And I realize every one of those times the thought or urge to eat comes up outside of my No S plan, I have to apply the process. And it has to happen, as I've said before, when it's hard. When it's hard is when the thoughts seem so convincing. "There's really no harm in this bite." "I should be able to have this little bit." "Who cares if I never lose weight or get this licked. I just want to feel full. I just want to stuff the food in." Sometimes it's so easy to see these thoughts and just pooh pooh them; other times, they just sound logical and right. Isn't that what our minds are for? to be logical and right? The sky is blue; the sun will come up tomorrow. 2+2=4. See? My mind is right.

Sometimes,

This can lead me to think that sometimes my thoughts to eat outside the plan are right and sometimes wrong, which may be true.

It's not that our minds are wrong. It's just that the thoughts don't come from a place of correct or not correct. It's just compulsion, or another term for a very strong habit that we don't want. Shunryu Suzuki said, "Although everything has Buddha nature, we love flowers but do not care for weeds." The mind says, "Of course." But that's where it's wrong. It's a matter of perspective.

And the perspective on all those compulsive eating thoughts it they are wrong because they don't fit with what I really want: to just eat moderately. But the thoughts are coming from a place of MUST HAVE Food or you will very uncomfortable forever. Well, it feels that way at the time. And that's what a compulsion is.

A compulsion can be ignited by nearly endless stimuli. and many of them are emotional and many of those emotions stem from the bottom line decision that whatever is happening is not okay: the traffic sucks, my husband is a jerk, the kids are crabby, etc. Bottom line: I want it different right now.

A compulsion to eat can also come from eating legitimately too few calories. The body will fight that and the mind will cooperate. In some cases, it should.

This is where NO S really shows up as NOT necessarily being the way to get skinny. Because some people, possibly many, won't get skinny on No S. But it is a way to moderate eating. And if you're eating three real, full meals a day, you are not eating too few calories. Your body may be "irritated" with having to draw on its fat stores and may send a signal to the brain to have those get-food thoughts, so you think you have to eat. But that's not what's going on most of the time on No S. It's more likely all the other stimuli that get us going. And for some people, those are rather mild and can be swept away quite easily. Even for me, sometimes, it's easy to ignore them.

But for me, I have to accept that there is, as right now in my life, never a time outside of Vanilla that the thoughts are not the compulsion and therefore must not be entertained. Even when it doesn't seem obviously wrong.

Like today, I stopped to get gum at the 99cent store and then thought to get some salad and deli meat for lunch. I also had the thought, oh, if there's cookie dough, I'll get that for the weekend. COMPULSION. (I already have sweets at home.) OH, look, there's chocolate cream cheese and it has only 10 grams of sugar per serving. That's not really a sweet. COMPULSION. But it wasn't easy to see these as compulsion at the time. They seemed to make sense. But that's what we mean by "when it's hard." When it seems to make sense.

So, even though I might have "gotten away" with buying cookie dough mix, or the chocolate cream cheese and even eaten them under correct circumstances, because they were spontaneous, I choose to regard them as COMPULSION. As such they are already labeled. Then acknowledge, divert, (got my other items and got out of there!) and later revalue, which is what is happening now.

Ferocious moderation.

I'm not saying there might not be someday some metaphor for all this that will be so powerful, it ceases to be a problem. I am even going to spend some time this summer thinking up some of those for my "book." Or I will have a spiritual awakening and be CHANGED. Or my life will get so full and wonderful that I just don't have time for it all. (I'm working on that this summer, too.) But for now, I'm going to be very directive with this. (IN education , we call this direct instruction. Methodical. Do this, think this, do this.)

It's almost 1 p.m. and I'm going to eat.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:06 pm

Oh, I know one thing that got to me recently. I had taken a diet book called Cinch! out fo the library, mostly because I remembered that I thought her meals looked much like mine but I wanted some ideas for sauces and flavorings. Then I saw that her meals were actually smaller than mine, so I thought, well, that's because she recommends two snacks and I put those in my meals. Then I happened to read a section in which she said that one of her clients had started having her snack at the end of her evening meal and her weight loss slowed way down. Well, that was all I needed to have my subconscious start with all its old fears, and guess what that stimulates. COMPULSION. Now, that doesn't explain everything from the last few weeks, but enough. The point is there are multiple entry points. and basically one remedy.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:35 pm

Wow what a thoughtful post to digest. I will read and re-read it through again to understand more. Love it. And I'll have more comments, I'm sure, but one thing fast because I need a shower...

I think what you're saying is we all need to ask ourselves what moderation means to us personally. In the willpower book, it says when you are about to do something, you have to think you will do that EXACT same thing tomorrow, the next day, and forever.
If that's something you want, then great (i.e. eating moderately).
If, however, you grab a snack on a whim (like the cookie dough, cream cheese) think, okay the next time I'm at this store, I would do that same thing. Or the little bites and bits you said you've had post-dinner.

At the time, maybe you have thought, "just this once", "I'll be different tomorrow." But we have to realize that unless it's a GOOD habit (non-compulsion), then we better be okay with that BAD habit (compulsion) sticking around forever.

So, you define what compulsion is your life. Like you did. I relate to the "buy ahead sweets for the weekend". I drove by this bakery today and thought "I better buy that cookie for the weekend today". In all reality I know it will be there tomorrow, but I was being compulsive.

Define your compulsions, then set boundaries where you DON'T cross. Like you said: ferocious moderation. LOVE THAT TERM.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:52 pm

Went ot of town on wed. to my sister's. She had terrible internet connection. And when I cam back, I found out the cable company had cut my connections. So it's been a hassle.

I had a good N week, even visiting my sister. She lost a fair amount of weight on WW, but I think she's put some back on. However, and I hate to be mean, but she does not dress to flatter her figure. Now I know she is thick through the waist, but I think she could find styles that skim her a bit more. She wears things that are so boxy. Fashion maven speaks here.

It was a little unsettling to watch her eat. I find that I'm get agitated by others' overeating, IMHO. She ate so fast and way more of very dense foods than I know I would have been comfortable with. The second day, she had a big plate of pasta with melted cheese and ice cream with sauce for lunch. I could not believe she wasn't stuffed but it's not my place to ask. I know I wouldn't have been hungry for dinner after that, but she did have one; a Lean Cuisine. I saw that I am still very attached to being able to have what I want, such as a lot of vegetables. OH, how I wish I didn't care. But it actually made it easier for me to be compliant. I felt so good with my meals.

Yesterday I had three meals and a dessert and it was way too much food. I wasn't hungry for dinner but ate and was disappointed in myself. I don't want to eat when I'm not hungry! And I didn't need to. I know we're not abot calories, but I went and looked up how many I ate in my sweets yesterday just to get a sense for why I might have felt so full. I hadn't even finished my lunch. I had what I considered a reasonable amount of sweets and they were 645 calories. That is another whole meal for me and a relatively generous one. So it was no wonder I wasn't hungry for dinner. But I had a disappointment socially. Coupled with the PERFECT avocado I was putting away from grocery shopping, I ate. It was a reasonable dinner by any other standard except that I wasn't a bit hungry. I am okay in general but frankly, I have had so many moments last night and today being so freaking sick of this desire to eat when I'm not hungry and then be uncomfortable. I've been working for 897 days (literally) on this with No S. Yes, admittedly, it's better. Would I like it to be worse, as it was? I guess not. I'm trying to be grateful for what I have accomplished. And I know it's because I'm also feeling down because few other areas of my life are better, either. I feel that I either work at them hard or am just too tired to. I wish the desires would go away! but my spiritual teachers in books and in person say this is one of THE cruxes of the human condition. Fear and desire and they are usually two sides of the same coin.

Off to dance class. I'm happy to dance but also feeling miffed at how SORE I get. It's tiring being in slight pain all the time. But, dang, I'm not laid up in a hospital bed, either.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:05 am

Glad to have you back, oolala. Sorry about the internet problems you've had. Besides the hassle, I bet in a way it was nice to have a break!

Wow how impressive that your N days were compliant while away. You ARE right in that it's almost easier when there aren't your FAVORITE kinds of foods available.

I feel the same way when staying with my in-laws. They have food, yes, but cereal, crackers, cheese, yogurt. If I don't have my veggies/salad/etc., I go nuts. I just don't get satisfied off those kinds of foods.

Sounds like you're hard on yourself for still eating when not hungry. But you're really not eating that much in quantity. Still not a reason to keep eating, but maybe your body is full, but not quite your mind yet. It's hard to not keep going.

I know I want some more cookies. I've had a fair share, and my tummy is FULL, but I'm WANTING them. Because I can.

I will resist! Hence, logging on.

Well I hope that dance class went well. Take care.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:02 am

Finally got hungry for dinner after class. Had a fine dinner. Then made a waffle. What for? Because I like them and hadn't had one in a long time. Not a good reason, but the one that occurred. And because I could. My iron has four small squares that make one big one. I kept saying I would eat just one square. Then two. Finally threw away that last few bites. Full. Again. I should feel lucky, given the people in the world who would change places with me.