Everyday Systems

I am so thrilled to find No S. All fall, I have been trying to figure out how to approach my life-long weight problem in a new and different way. I have been on every diet, and have come to believe that diets are my problem, not my solution. So I wanted to begin this new year with some simple, lifelong food guidelines that would help me change my eating habits permanently--enough structure to keep me honest as I grapple with my emotional eating, but no more counting, weighing, measuring, or anything that feeds my obsession with food and nutrition. I was working on coming up with something for myself, and, voila, I tripped upon No S while I was doing an completely unrelated internet search. It took me about thirty seconds to realize it was exactly what I have been looking for.

I was a pudgy kid, and my family took me to weight watchers when I was nine years old, thinking they were helping me. Now I think that you cannot teach a nine year old girl to measure, weigh, and record every gram of food she eats and not set her up for disordered eating. Through most of my life I was actually able to maintain a healthy weight, but always, always in a diet/binge cycle. Since my eating is related to my emotions, my husband's illness beginning in 2003 and his death in 2005 tipped the balance in favor of binge. I have gained 56 pounds in five years and I weigh 236.5 this morning.

If I had not found No S this weekend, that number I discovered would be devastating. But I have a different kind of hope today. Tomorrow is my first N day. Hurray!

Welcome, Jane,

This is the sweetest place of sane recovery from the years of battling food with wet noodles (counting, measuring, weighing).

Have you gotten the book yet?

Resting

Resting--your description of this place as 'the sweetest place of sane recovery' made me actually tear up with hope and relief. I don't have the book yet, but will be looking for it this afternoon.

LA--Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I am a teacher, and recently a psychologist who specializes in brain research and learning spoke to our faculty. She showed proof that the brain learns exponentially faster when students are allowed to fail. Something to remember as I rewire my eating habits.

Thank you to both of you for your immediate, kind support as I begin my new journey.

Hey Jane, guess we educators have to stick together! In case you missed it, this is a quote from Reinhard on the main No S page regarding failure. It speaks directly to what you mention. An excellent thing about No S is that if you do "fail" one day, there is no reason to give it all up and stop trying, you just, as in the words to the song, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."

From Reinhard:

Sometimes it takes a false start (or 12)

Some people, like me, get No S the first time they try it. It works and it sticks. But most people have a bit more trouble than that. In fact, you might do best if you assume you'll screw up the first time, so you don't get too discouraged. Consider it a reconnaissance mission, a trial run, just to feel out how hard it's going to be and where problems are going to arise. If the enemy, appetite, turns out to be such a chump that your reconnaissance mission routs him, great, you've succeeded. It might be that easy, you won't know until you try. If not, you've learned more about him, where he's likely to ambush you. You're stronger, better prepared for next time. Don't feel stupid for trying and failing. Success is the sum of many failures. This isn't just pep talk. According to a recent article I was pointed to (thanks, Valerie):

Studies show that altering eating habits for good requires 10 to 12 concerted attempts to succeed - which is to say about a dozen failures come before the eventual success. "That's not reason to despair," said John Norcross, professor of psychology at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania and a researcher on self-initiated change. "If anything, it's reason to say, 'I'm not doing so bad.' "

So quit dawdling and get some failures under your belt!

Need something more inspirational than another pseudostatistic? Try Winston Churchill: "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

Welcome Jane!

I'm so sorry for your loss a few years ago. I can't imagine the grief you've walked through. Good for you though, that you're making such profound steps to be healthy...

This is a wonderful place to heal from diets...and we're glad to have you here with us. Glad to hear you'll soon read the book...it's full of great advice & encouragement.

Don't be a stranger here....we're all striving to be healthy & it's a wonderful place to get some daily encouragement...

Welcome again,
janie

Jane,

I've noticed that several of the posters are middle-aged women who started dieting as teenagers or even younger. It takes a certain desparation (as Blueskighs put it) to go on this diet, since you have to face the reality that weight loss is slow -- but sure!

Like you, I recognized the beauty of this diet right away, and it's been relatively easy for me to stick with it (after about 3 weeks) because my weight was going up, up, up, and I was worrying about facing 300 or 400 pounds in old age. I gained 60 pounds since 2001, and my all time high was 216 on September 4. Since then, I've lost about 10 pounds. This year ends with a lower weight than it began -- yeah!

Let us know how things are going.... The key is to focus on following the rules on N Days and not worry about the number on the scale or the binge behavior you might have for a time on S Days.

Kathleen

Good luck Jane!
Glad you found NoS
Debs

It's my first N day, and, since I am on Christmas Break, I am on vacation. This is not a problem, actually, as I feel so bloated and disgusted from the holidays I am not prone to cheat today. I am however, prone to NUMBER FANTASIES. "If I lose two pounds a week, I will weigh such and such by Stephy's wedding, and if I lose 1.5 pounds a week, I will weigh such and such..." I am more worried about this mental habit today then I am about breaking No-S. It seems to me that the early days on a diet are easy, food wise, but that the wild fantasies that ensue set up disaster a couple of weeks later. Therefore, I am trying to self-talk my way out of the number fantasies, a mental habit that goes back decades. I think I had better not allow myself to weigh more than monthly. I might also turn it around by countering every number fantasy with "If I don't maintain No-S habits, I could weigh 260 by Stephy's wedding and 300 by my birthday." That little dose of reality may be all I need.

Kathleen said:

'I've noticed that several of the posters are middle-aged women who started dieting as teenagers or even younger. '

LOL! No one has ever referred to me as 'middle-aged' before! Cripes! I thought I didn't have to take that tag on until fifty, or at least forty-five! OyVeh!

[color=green]SUCCESS[/color]! My first N day wasn't too hard, but it did inform me how much I HAVE been eating.

[color=green]Success! [/color]Definitely hungry between meals, but so far, Reinhardt is right; the strictness does remove the stress of negotiating with my self about that hunger.

This doesn't seem that hard...but then again, I am on winter break right now and have zero stress. Wonder how I will handle the between-meal hunger during a stressful school day?

For now, this is a really freeing program.

Just to let you know I am also a teacher who is way past middle age and have just found this place. Isn't it interesting that lack of knowledge is not our problem? We could all write books on nutrition, exercise, emotional eating, etc. But it took a young, computer geek to save us!

I did not have parents who put me on weight watchers and actually when I started dieting I probably was not overweight. I go all the way back to the first Weight Watchers (the one in the 70's with the 5 fish meals and the liver) and actually before that was the Ayds candy that was supposed to curb your appetite. Well, maybe after I ate the whole box!

Anyway I think this is the spot for me. I lost weight the last time 6 years ago or so but to keep it off has been more counting and constant vigilance. Two years ago I said no more and have tried to do intuitive eating, normal eating, nondieting. I gained slowly. But now I know why. I need simple sustainable restrictions. It is nice to know that at the next meal I can eat what I want without counting, measuring, journaling, etc. I am not even going to weigh for a long time. And that is really a first for me. I have been known to get on the scale in the middle of the night!

Here's hoping we have some of this down before the holiday break is over. I am thinking now about how to handle lunch. I have always carried my lunch, but now there are more interesting options to consider.

Have a good new year and keep posting. It is encouraging to all.

Success?
I am calling today a success; I had no failure due to appetite, but a small failure of planning. I have to take daily anti-inflammatory medication for achilles tendonitis and it upsets my stomach if I don't take it with food. Alas, I forgot to take it at breakfast and again at lunch. I would have just skipped the meds, but I had a three hour yoga workshop to attend this evening and just couldn't risk not taking the med first. So, long story short, I had a glass of milk at three to take my anti-inflammatory. Is this cheating? I hope not. I did learn to be more intentional about my meds. And, I realized how often I have just snacked whenever in order to take my meds with food. Now, I have to become organized enough to take them consistently with meals. Hmmmmm.....we'll see. Maybe the mental energy I have been wasting counting calories, points, and grams of whatever can go toward being consistent with meds at mealtimes.

I know I could have called this an S day, it being New Year's Eve and all, but I have a dinner party Friday night that is my celebration with my friends, so I am moving New Year's...there was a time when I would have worked every angle, calling New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, my dinner party night, and then the weekend all S days...but I am loving the freedom of this program, and the last thing I want to do is blow it by claiming five S days in a row!

Success!
Learning so much about my old habits and appetites, but still really enjoying the freedom to eat healthy, normal meals...

Two S days into an S day trio (Friday was my belated New Year's dinner party) and I have to say that I am not at all comfortable in S days. Actually, yesterday was fine; I essentially treated it like an N day until dinner party time, except that I tasted as I cooked, which would have seemed like illegal snacking on an N day. But today, Saturday, I went into a binge at lunch time and finished all of the leftover bread from my dinner party. I am forgiving myself immediately and I am going to try to continue "Vanilla No S" but at some point I may need to alter the S day freedom a bit. I don't really seem to have a problem with snacks or sweets, but seconds are my downfall. Once the eating machine is on, it's on.

So, no failures, and I am still excited about the program, but I must say that these S days are going to take some time to get balanced.

Today was fine. I ate some things I wouldn't normally eat when dieting, and am fine with giving up my esses for the week. On another note, though, I am a bit overwhelmed at the idea of returning to school tomorrow (sigh). I feel rested and relaxed, but oh how I would love to stay that way!

Alas, I have to work for a living!
Breakfast is made, lunch is packed and my yoga bag and briefcase are sitting on the stairs, so I guess vacation is officially over!

Being a teacher is so underpaid and more important then most people know. The only 'job' that is more underpaid and even more important is the job of a stay at home mom.

I salute all teachers in this world who have real love for children.

So, good luck at your new school day.

Marjolein

Monday and Tuesday were successful, but today is different. I know I could have avoided breaking the rules for tonight's event if I had just planned better. I am providing the snacks for a church activity tonight and had originally planned to just wait and call it dinner. But my lunch was too early and not filling enough to get me all the way through until we eat at about seven thirty tonight. So...I am going to eat a moderate supper and partake lightly in tonight's snacking. I probably could just refuse to eat, but that's socially awkward, especially when you made the food! So, a failure, but a learning experience. I now know that I need to shift my lunch time and make sure lunch is a little bit more substantial.

onward...

Success! And not hard at all today. Drinking water really works to tide me over between meals. I'm not even interested in snacking.

Silly Failure on Friday! Went to dinner at a friend's house, got caught up in the conversation, and when dessert rolled around I got halfway through it before I remembered that Friday night doesn't start with S! Grrrr.

My habit cal doesn't look very good this week. Oddly enough, I'm OK with that. I know I ate less and more sanely throughout the week than I did without No S, even with my failures.

Jane....

I just read your posts & you're doing really well!

Milk is perfectly acceptable between meals so you didn't do a thing wrong! It's a great choice!

Not everyone does this, but I very often switch my "S" days to Friday and Saturday and treat Sunday as "No S". We have dinner at our house with friends on Friday night & I want to enjoy dessert with them. I do this almost every week so that I never feel deprived. I'm really careful not to let Sunday slip into "S" day behavior though...I'm really strict about that. Yesterday (Friday) and today are my "S" days this week.

And about "S" days...they are hard, aren't they? If you search the threads, you'll find some of the same frustrations as you wrote about. We need them to be able to feel as if we're not deprived, but there's such comfort in going back to the rules on the weekdays! I've been trying to limit myself to one of every "S" on those days...one snack, one second, and one sweet. Otherwise I graze all day long & end up really feeling upset at myself for overeating again.

I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read the book yet. There's so much in there that's helpful.

You're really doing well, Jane! Hugs to you...janie

Thanks for the support Janie; I appreciate all of your feedback. Despite the red blotches on the calendar, I do feel like I am in the right program and on the right track.

Hugs Jane.

A belated welcome to a wonderful place. Not only is this site full of amazing and loving people, but here sanity finally prevails in the land of food.

I am an excellent example of Reinhard's "fail 12 times or more".

I do great for a few months and then decide to tweak - that ends in disaster and for the next few months I ramble off on my own way and gain my weight back.

Sanity does keep prevaling and I come back. For me I must stick with Vanilla No S - no tweaking. I also have to work one day at a time and stop the long term targets as they tend to make me panic at my slow losses and push me towards tweaking which leads to disaster.

The thing that I find most interesting is that even at my furthest from plan, I still stick to the basics of No S (I just don't stick with No Snacking - which is where all my weight comes from).

This plan really works and I know that I can do this healthily and happily for the rest of my life, I am just working through the mental blocks I have developed over the years. (I am too scared to say it, but I think I may be there and this may be it!)

Hugs
Mo

five green days in a row, and sometimes it was so easy I got the nagging feeling I was doing something wrong...

I did want something sweet mid-week, but it is amazing how much easier "not until the weekend" is than "no" is.

I am planning an S day Tuesday for inauguration day. I worked and prayed hard for this campaign as did most of my coworkers so I am making us some red, white, and blue cookies for a little teacher's lounge inauguration party. Politics aside, it is so cool to have the freedom to plan something like this and not have it be "cheating." The only rule I have to follow in order to celebrate something special to me is "don't be an idiot." I think I can handle that!

Just had to say that I love this comment:

it is amazing how much easier "not until the weekend" is than "no" is.

I just started, but that quote sooo captures how I'm feeling. Somehow delaying gratification to a point where I know I'll ultimately have it is much, much easier than just feeling like "I can never have this again, and I want it so much, so I might as well just eat it and get it over with."

I'm counting today as "N" because althought MLK day is really important, it isn't really a food holiday...it is odd, though, to be home all day on an N day, and I have to keep reminding myself, "no snacks, this is not the weekend." So there you have it...just a random thought about snacks.

Tonight may be a pretty intense challenge. I'll be making cookies for tomorrow's inaugural bash without tasting a hot one! That'll be new! lol.