Everyday Systems

today is officially an S day, but i will spend this weekend getting prepped for the following n days..

last night i did not eat after dinner, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me, even though the day was not perfect...

i just don't want to be a perma snacker anymore, i want to be different

i do not want to be ruled by food anymore, i want to eat like a normal (fashionably thin) woman -- and these women do NOT eat all day long

i will not give up-- i may have some failure days, but i am going to keep at this for as long as it takes to get it right

god bless us all on this journey
Donna O

yesterday was no too bad- i had 1 extra snack ( bedtime) and a few bites of a cinnamon role

i LOATHE eating after dinner... of all of my bad esses, I hate, hate, hate

the constant grazing the most, and yet i feel so powerless to stop it

how much of this is an addiction, and how much is a bad habit ?
... how much of addiction IS simply a bad habit ?????

today i will plan meals for the week, and go to the grocery store
i will keep trying, i am committed to doing this-- no matter how long it takes


am wt= 137.2

so, this weekend i sort of rehearsed no s ing

i did have a late night snack on both sat and sunday

today will be the real deal

i work a 10 hr shift today- so i will pick up dinner for me and the kid at Mc Callisters tonight...

i am going to weigh daily- after a pretty good weekend, i am trying to not be disappointed that my weight is up this am



am wt= 137.8

2/22= day 1

i am going to call it a failure because i ate 2 hershey kiss size chocolates
and a peppermint

the deal is no sugar during the week.... period

it is the mindset that is important, establishing the habit
if i allow little "slips" they will eventually become full fledged sugar binges
for me.. i know myself

i did eat 3 meals and 1 snack, and i am grateful for that progress


am wt= 136.4

2/23= day 2
!! success !!!

am wt= 137.4 ( dammitt !!!!)



however today - i have not been successful... i grazed a "dinner"

got home from work, started eating when i got in the door, and never really fixed a meal... as i thought about it this is a violation of the " no seconds" rule
a rule that i thought that i never ever broke ... but you know, i graze/binge several times a week
i am scared of what the scale will say tomorrow
... and i am scared that i won't be able to quit eating tonight

2/24- Colossal failure

am wt= 140.0

i binged yesterday
i ate from the time i got home from work, until i went to bed

i am 45 and un married... what man worth having would ever tolerate
that behaviour ?

the answer is none-- i know this because I would not tolerate that behaviour
in a mate

i WILL NOT give up- not this time

2/25- failure

it is that damn after dinner eating that is kicking my ass

AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

am wt= 137.6

friday 2/26--- colossal failure

eating since i got home... now i am going to bed


the week in summary: 1 successful day
2 days of binging
2 unsuccessful days

... i may need to go back on Prozac to stop the binges

I WILL NOT QUIT UNTIL I EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON
I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES

saturday 2/27 am weight= 138.0


... wonder what i will weigh when i stop binging ????

Hey Donnao
Just reading over your comments this week and wanted to say that it sounds like you are under stress of some sort and that it may be hard to think about food management under these circumstances. You mentioned you've taken Prozac in the past. Did you see a psychiatrist to get that prescription and if so, is it someone you liked/found helpful? The times in my life that I've done binge eating, I've found it very helpful to get some counseling. I hope I'm not being overly intrusive. I just know that I would have liked a nurturing word during those times in my own life.-Kelley

sunday 2/28 am weight = 137.8

.... after looking at this weeks activity, i now KNOW why I am not losing weight !!

it is the binges a couple of times a week plus the night time eating that is
cancelling out the days of restricted/normal eating and all of the exercise

... i come form a place of severely dysfunctional eating; at least i don't vomit anymore

this is probably going to take me a while to get back to normal (no s ) eating

i think that for me, i am going to have to break this down into smaller steps- one s at a time

... i am going to post on the main board about this

sparkle, thank you

i binge on the days that i work ( m,w,F

my job SUCKS right now.. you are right- given my history, i might need professional help and/or medication

i am currently writing my 4th step in celebrate recovery for co dependency
and that is unbelievably time consuming, which is stressing me out

unfortunately, the only way out is thru

thanks for even noticing
xo
Donna O

I know it is really hard to focus on being healthy when you have a job you hate (or relationship problems, or illness, or money problems...the list goes on). Just try to be kind to yourself. I always try to treat myself as well as I would treat other people and find that helps me avoid negative self-talk.

I don't know how tall you are but you have a very good weight for the average woman. You'd have to be really really short for 137-140 to be considered overweight, and even then, not very. If you have struggled with an eating disorder, that can make even a perfect weight seem horrible, I realize that, so I don't mean to make light of your concerns.

I think this is a good site to get positive messages about eating. Everyone here seems to be promoting a very healthy philosophy where food doesn't rule your life or make you miserable, but contributes to a happy, healthy life. Good luck with working through the difficult days. They will become fewer and further between.

... ok, i'm a sugar addict

i've known this.... the more sugar i eat the more i want to eat

sugar has no place for me, i will have to do this one s at a time

i'll start with no sweets, only for me it will be never again, one day at a time

i still like this board- the people here are normal

and i get enough "religion" in my OA, and CR meetings

... i wonder if i will need 1 week or 3 weeks before adding another s

3/18 am wt= 139.4 (!!!!!!!!)

3/17 food: ( many discrepencies)

bk= 1 yoghurt and 1 banana

l= 2 sw egg rolls

sn= 1 pckg almonds
$ 2 hershey kisses, 2 chocolate covered altoids
dinner= 1/2 apple, salad w/ ff ranch, 1 p ezekiel toast w/ hummus
1 piece birthday cake

$$( 11 ish) banana, handful of cereal

sat 3/20 am = afraid to weigh
!

friday 3/19:
bk= 1 p PB toast

Lunch Hummas/ raw veggies; 1 brown rice cake

afternoon: 5 or 6 hershey kisses

5:30 pm= 1 package almonds

6pm-7pm: PB from jar, several peices of cheese, brown rice cake, handful of cereal, handful of pepperoni

10pm- big bowl of organic wheat biscuit cereal


i am sooooo sick of binging

10 pm -