Sarah's Check In

[sarahkay]

I'm new to No S, and I think laying it all out there will keep me motivated to see where I'm coming from, and why I shouldn't give up.

I'm Sarah, and I'm 18 years old. I am a freshman in college, and I am commuting, so I live at home. I have gained a ton of weight (okay, about 60 pounds) throughout high school. I have never been thin, except for my freshman year of high school. I think I was just so busy and happy and everything was new, that I was having too much fun to think about food. But once the novelty wore off, the weight crept back up, and much higher.

I recently heard about No S, and ordered the book immediately. It was a great read, and seems reasonable to me. My mom feels that the idea of not being able to eat anytime she gets hungry is scary, but for me, it is scary to think I may not be able to eat again until I am hungry! Sometimes I don't get hungry for long stretches of time, and get frustrated that I feel like I "shouldn't" eat yet.

However, on the No S Diet, I can eat three meals a day, like a normal person, like a normal me used to be once upon a time. And, I can still have my beloved sweets on weekends.

I've tried a few times to start, but I always get frustrated when I see other people drinking pop, or eating sweets, and I "decide" to give up and do what I want. But afterwards, I wish desperately to start the day over and succeed. I decided I've got to do this for real. I'll never gain back my confidence or self image (or hot bod!) if I don't put in the effort.

November 1 was my first day. I did so-so. In my calendar, I colored it half red and half green, because while I did have two pops and a big lunch, I tried to "behave" the rest of the day and eat a one-plate dinner, which I did. And I didn't eat anything else after that.

November 2 (day two) went pretty well. It was a success in that I ate a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All one-platers, although dinner was admittedly a bit large. But I was quite hungry after not being able to eat from 2:30 until 9:30. But it was one plate. I allowed myself lemonade while at work, because I hate the taste of the water we serve at the restaurant where I waitress. It's like tap water. Gross. But, I did only have one glass of lemonade, and decided for now to just try to limit the sugary drinks, and not let it make or break my day's success.

[sarahkay]

So far, so good on Day 3!

I didn't have time for breakfast this morning, but I ate a one-plate lunch at school after my first class. I even bought water with my meal instead of pop! I was so proud! I think I'll try to become "addicted" to sipping on water all the time rather than pop. I'll just alter my habit! (I'm such a smartypants! )

We'll see how the rest of the day goes!

[tobiasmom]

Hey there! I totally get the soda thing. It is my favorite thing in the world! I'd rather have soda than any dessert out there. And it's really just useless empty calories......I can down a HUGE amount of that liquid deliciousness, though! I do find it less appealing on the weekends now that I don't have it all week. It isn't tasting as good. Give it some time. Keep having the big meals if you want to keep you full til the next meal - for now. Try with all your might not to have the soda, though. You can have it Saturday. And Sunday. And then again the next Saturday. And Sunday. This plan truly is amazing. There's nothing off limits. It's just not EVERY day that you can have everything. The no counting and no measuring and no nothing is what I LOVE about it.

I'm excited to see this plan transform you!!! It works more mentally than anything!

[sarahkay]

tobiasmom: thanks for the reply! and i did so well today with no pop! i actually felt a lot better with water. not that bubble-filled distended tummy feeling.

I'm getting pretty hungry though, and I don't want to start making dinner til about 5 or I won't make it til bedtime! But I guess you're supposed to get hungry between meals... that's why you have the next one, haha.

I could so easily give in to a snack right now, but I so badly want to mark this day as successful!

[AnneK]

Hi Sarah and welcome! You sound really excited about this diet--that's how I felt too. I think that excitement is a good sign--I just felt like this could work for me. It seemed so reasonable, and do-able. And even fun.

I've been eating crazy large meals the last couple weeks and still (slowly) losing weight, which was surprising. It's been really great to pretty much eat what I want and feel satisfied. I hope its the same for you too.

[sarahkay]

Day Three:Failure.

I think missing breakfast really messed me up. Lunch was fine, but it was kind of early, about 11. Then I was pretty hungry waiting for dinnertime. I ended up eating a handful of chips. Not so bad, right?

Then I pigged out on pizza once it was ready. I got frustrated and threw in the towel and ate away. And then I bought bags of candy from the grocery store and ate a bunch of that too! What is wrong with me?!

I already ate some candy this morning, but I'm stopping now. and I'm going to try to make today a success.

[sarahkay]

Day Four

Okay. Like I said before, had a handful of candy this morning. But that is just silly, so I'm going to stop it now, and be a good girl for the rest of the day. Wish me luck!

Annek: Hi there and thank you for your encouragement!! I agree, it seems so reasonable and doable. I totally messed up yesterday but I'm back on track today.

[tobiasmom]

((HUGS)) Totally been there. It's so hard to see the ridiculousness in the moment. You're learning a little more day by day!!!

You can do this!

[sarahkay]

Day Four continued: Failure.

I'm checking in now since I know it probably won't get any better at this point in the day, and I've already failed. I did fine at lunch. Then snacked on the leftover candy and potato chips after school. Then I felt guilty and fat and ugly and I sort of want to cry. I even thought about never posting on the site again to avoid the embarrassment of such failure. It's like I want the food more than I want to be thin and at peace. But then I see a cute guy at school and think "dang, I should have be No Sing so I can be thin enough to feel like I have a shot at even flirting with him!" Or I see my thin coworkers and think "I wish I could look like that... just a normal sized girl. How do they do that?"

Maybe I should accept being a "big girl". End of pity party. :'(

[Sienna]

Hello Sarah.

First, big hugs to you! You've had a tough day - we all have. It will get better. But don't be too hard on yourself.

Just remember: today you may have had a failure, but YOU are not a failure.

But then I see a cute guy at school and think "dang, I should have be No Sing so I can be thin enough to feel like I have a shot at even flirting with him!"

Oh, I wish you could get this out of your head. You don't have to be thin to flirt. You don't have to be thin to date or to have a boyfriend - even a cute one. And you definitely don't have to be thin to be happy. And it's important to realize that losing weight won't automatically make you happy (or automatically get that guy to notice you). It's far deeper and more complex than that.

Reading your post made me tear up. I too am an emotional eater. And I have been through much of what you've described (I'm just a few years older - 26). I can't remember ever being thin - in highschool I hovered about 10 pounds over the top of my healthy weight range. I gained a ton in college and was straddling the obese line by the time I graduated. And the weight just kept creeping on.

I've thrown a lot of pity parties of my own. I would see thin people and curse the fact that they had a better metabolism. I would look at my family (mostly overweight) and curse my genetics. Life just wasn't fair. And so I would eat more. Because what was the point of trying? I was screwed. Damned to a life of being fat.

And I've also been through periods of "accepting that I'm fat" and being happy with it. Only that mostly led to gaining more weight. And I wasn't necessarily any happier. HOWEVER, one thing that it did teach me was that happiness was independent of weight. There are miserable thin people and happy heavy people. And it's also possible to be confident in yourself, love yourself and work what you've got - while still working towards being a better you (whether better means thinner, faster, smarter, or whatever else).

In fact if you make peace with yourself *now*, it will be easier to conquer your emotional food addiction - which is a step towards losing the weight.

NoS is a great diet. But part of the reason it has worked so well for me is that I found it when I was ready to really make a change. I'd finally come to a point where I accepted that whether or not "life was fair" and whether or not I was screwed in the genetic lottery, didn't matter. Complaining that you're not naturally good at math won't help someone pass calculus anymore than complaining that I'm not naturally good at weight maintenance was going to help me lose weight. And I tell my students to study harder, to ask for help, and to keep at it - so that's what I was going to do. And so when I stumbled on NoS, I was ready for it. I was ready to say No to snacks, sweets and seconds because *I* wanted to, instead of *just* so I could lose weight. I'd recommend some soul searching to help work out things like why you eat and what triggers emotional eating. And then work on strategies to avoid the emotional eating. These differ from person to person, but a lot of mine focus on finding other ways to manage stress such as taking time out for personal reflection and meditation. If your college provides counseling (mine provided free anonymous counseling for students), it might be worth taking advantage of. Not because I think that there is anything wrong with you, but because it can be nice to have someone help you sort your thoughts.

As for today, failures happen. But failures are also in the past. So keep them there. And remember that the future holds the potential for success. One instant at a time.

I know this is a long post, and I'm sorry, I can just really empathize with where you are and how you feel right now. And if I could just lift you up and put you elsewhere, I so would. And I want you to know that you aren't alone with those feelings. And I'm around if you'd like to chat (or write).

More hugs! Take care of yourself, you deserve it

[sarahkay]

Sienna: Thank you so much for your post. I think just hearing (reading?) an empathetic voice has made me feel much better. I definitely feel that with my weight gain has come a lot of poor confidence in myself. And I definitely feel the pain you felt; I am over the obese line myself, and I can feel it. It's not just my appearance. I can feel how easily I get tired, how awkward I feel moving around. I don't feel good physically.

I think I do need to love myself now, rather than waiting until I'm "thin and happy".

Thanks again

[sarahkay]

HELP!

I've been a somewhat good girl today, but Mom made brownies!! How am I supposed to wait til tomorrow when everybody around me is enjoying delicious brownies?!! AAAH!!

[Sienna]

It's okay. Just tell yourself the brownies will taste so much better tomorrow, because they will be success brownies. Stay up until midnight and have one then if you need to, just so you can have that feeling of a successful day.

You can do this! I believe in you.

Some things you can do between now and midnight to forget about brownies:

1. Watch a movie (at home or the theater)
2. Go out clubbing
3. Read a book
4. Play a free online game like
a. http://www.miniclip.com/games/fowl-words/en/ <- word game
b. http://www.kingdomofloathing.com <- free RPG
c. http://www.pogo.com/ <- tons of free online games including board games and card games like bridge and spades
5. Craft project (cross-stitch, scrapbooking?)

[sarahkay]

Day Five: failure

okay i didn't resist the brownies, although next time something like that happens i will definitely use Sienna's ideas! :]

B: cheesy egg omelet, toast w/ jelly (yay!)
L: Arby's italian sub w/ medium curly fry, medium mountain dew, which was absolutely enormous. and of course i ate it all. this was a very naughty lunch...
D: broccoli w/ cheese, white rice, salmon patty (yay! I did okay!)
S: three brownies (I'm embarrassed to even say that! it sounds so bad! haha)

Okay so between the pop, huge lunch, and way too many brownies this was not a very "No S" day. But now it's Saturday and I'm gonna not worry about it over the weekend, then try again next week. Now that I know what kind of obstacles may show up, both physical (like the presence of brownies) and emotional (wanting to give up, temptation to eat what I shouldn't and too much of it), I think I'll be better prepared for this coming week. I'm going to use the weekend to reboot, do some thinking and soul searching, and then go at it again next week. Five days of success, here I come!! :]

[sarahkay]

Day Six: S Day

Didn't go terribly crazy. Had some yummy stuff too! :]

[Sienna]

Just wanted to check in and see how your week has started. Hope all is well!