Everyday Systems

Hi all,

My name is Brianna. I've been known as Rubyslippers, OlderandNotWiser, Habitualrunner, and possibly a few other names here on these boards. I'm tired of self-deception. I'm tired of hiding behind my own illusions/delusions. Something oolala53 said on Kathleen's blog truly struck home with me.

She said: "You are deceiving yourself if you let yourself truly believe that you do not have the power to prevent or stop binges. The feeling that one is out of control during a binge is an illusion no matter what the "trigger" is. The fact that you don't stop eating during one doesn't prove anything. No trigger makes you eat. It makes you want to eat. You do not have to obey every urge to eat, even powerful ones. If you are eating three reasonable meals a day, you will not be starving, no matter what intepretation you make of your body's signals."

I have struggled with disordered eating/anorexia and binge behaviors off and on for a huge chunk of my life. What a waste of my valuable time on this earth! It's SO time for me to get real. I look foward to the hard work of an honest journey and changing my habits out in the open with the helpful, supportive people on these boards.

Good for you! I also saw what Oolala wrote to Kathleen. Very, very insightful and true. She is a great encourager!

Congratulations!

Here to support you all the way!
Been there, done that! And, DO that!
Honesty is the key, for sure!
Keep up the great work.

lbb and Eileen--
Thanks for your kind words and support. I'm feeling good and strong about my decision to clear the air and own up to my choices and behaviors. Today has been a good day!

B: Oatmeal, walnuts, banana, goat milk, maple syrup
L: Plain yogurt, granola, slice of PB toast, apple, a bit of LO veggies
D: (planned) Sauteed greens, sweet potato, tofu, small sweet

Thursday and Friday (so far) have been fairly peaceful for me. Mostly I'm concentrating on the concept that I actually do have control over what I eat. Even if I limit my consumption in reasonable ways (No S), there is no trigger that can MAKE me eat. A trigger only makes me WANT to eat. So I have been eating three LARGE healthful meals this week (instead of my unfortunate undereating pattern of three SMALL meals plus lots and lots of running). And I'm doing my "one and done" sweet mod right now. Maybe long term I can pare things down to three MEDIUM meals and no sweets on N days, but right now I'm focusing on losing out-of-control eating and feeling good in my own skin.

Sounds like a good start, Brianna!

I love that observation from Oohlala about nothing making us eat - just making us WANT to eat. It's been a help to me, too.

I just listened to Reinhard's latest podcast. It's excellent, BTW--so thanks Reinhard! I had found Kelly McGonigal on-line a long time ago (before her great book came out) because she's been blogging and making videos available about willpower for a while (she has a column on Psychology Today's website and she has her own wonderful website with lots of podcasts). Naturally, I had been googling on "willpower" because I seem to lose mine for long stretches of time!

Anyway, this particular podcast was of interest to me because it's in keeping with my plan to be more honest with myself and face my self-deceptions. I had noticed for a while that Reinhard only ever "checks-in" on the daily check board when he has a "confession" or in his technical term: "negative qualification." I agree that it seems tedious and much more like a "diet" if I have to write my meals here everyday and he says he doesn't recommend that for the long term (which is what I am all about!). I think that negative qualification will definitely make me think twice before I give myself the go ahead with "what the hell?" it's a red day now kind of thinking. In lieu of more regular food journaling, I plan to get back to regular NoS HabitCal tracking.

Have a nice weekend everyone.