Sinnie's 2013 Check in

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 12:54 am

Well done, Sinnie! Keep up the good thoughts.
Kat

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 3:27 pm

Thank you, Kat. To admit, I did have a homemade muffin right after I wrote that

I had made them earlier, and of course I had to make sure they were okay right?

I realized the importance of posting and reading here. I am weak right now, without habits to lean on, and I find the support and wisdom here to be motivating and encouraging. I'll spend more time.

Tracking seems to help me stay focused, and asmuch as this is about not obsessing or tracking, if I don't when I'm not on a solid track, I fall off.

B: 1/2 homemade muffin, apple, few bites of re-fried beans
L: cheese breadstick with egg, sugar snap peas w/ ranch, spinach salad with walnuts/almonds/raisins/dried apricots
D: mishmash of leftovers - chicken (topped with 1/2 avocado, refried beans, cheese, salsa), small piece lasagna, sweet potatoes, salad, milk and grapes.

I wasn't hungry for any meal today. I'm STILL waiting for that apparently big appetite to kick in. It would be great to push off my meals but sometimes that just can't happen. Hopefully not snacking tonight will increase my morning appetite and I can start over properly actually wanting my meals, not forcing it down for the baby.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 2:03 pm

Starting another day feeling good after yesterday's success.

B: muffin, plum, banana
L: tiny bowl re-fried beans topped with 1/2 avocado, cheese, salsa; some lasagna; veggies & ranch dip
D: 1.5 sausages, brown rice, salad w/ ranch dressing, orange & some grapes.

Sucks that I'm still never hungry for meals. I need to figure this out or hope my body will start adjusting to the schedule.

I feel so much better & more in control. Getting into a routine has definitely helped immensely, even if it's not perfect. I did eat the grapes after I had gotten up from the table, but I'm not bothered by it. I also did take a bite of some gross chocolate but again did not even derail me a little bit. I was going to have a cookie after dinner but decided the orange was a better choice for baby

I am feeling proud of myself. No more binging! I didn't have any milk today, so I will later on, maybe as a hot chocolate as I don't make it very sweet at all, tsp sugar AT MOST. Likely less. Feeling good and motivated

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:09 pm

Sinnie I am so proud for you. This is really impressive. You are going to b such a great mummy (mom). I know how hard your work must be but you are facing it down and establishing your own rhythm and control. Very powerful. Certainly an example for me to follow

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 3:17 pm

Aww Tessy thank you so much. You are very kind. I did have one wing last night as hubbby ate late, but that was it. Cool

B: half-caf coffee as per usual (black), muffin, plum and milk.
L: sausage on a bun, veggies & dip and grapes.
D: Soup (made with sausage meatballs, pasta and spinach - sort of a homemade quickie version of Italian Wedding Soup), salad and orange. Then I had three small chewy candies, small chunk of muffin, 1 chocolate, and a glass of milk.

I feel like eating more, but S-DD is in the kitchen working so I don't want to start eating so soon after dinner, it's kind of embarrassing. I want to try and fight this feeling. I know when I am truly weak from hunger and this isn't one of those moments. It's psychological.

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:59 pm

I'm so happy for you! That's super inspiring for people who struggle with WTH effect... you give us hope, girl!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:32 pm

Thanks Imogen! The WTH effect has gotten me so many times, I'm even kinda feeling it tonight, but curiously not acting on it. I'm just kinda going back to my old way of just eating three meals, day in and out, not worrying about the more minute details (for me) like using separate plates or having something sweet. I'm trying to include more fruit/veg/milk and less junky stuff, but aside from that, that's how I used to do it and its working again. If I get too caught up in the details, I binge. I have a bad habit of picking at things after meals, and although undesirable, it should not lead to binging which is just completely stupid, you know?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:25 am

I spoke WAY too soon. I got hungry last night, and thinking I could stop at 1/2 a banana and some walnuts. Healthy, I justified. But it just reminded me how good it taste to eat, I realized how hungry I was (or it felt) and ate quite a bit.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:03 pm

Oh dear Sinnie, never mind, just think about how you used to eat and how far you have travelled. Pick yourself up and tomorrow will be better

I am always struggling at the moment but every now and then the sun breaks through. So I am sending you hugs and wishing you a sunny day !!
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:43 pm

I havent had a chance to update for a few days. I did write a long post on Friday at lunch, the page did something funny & I lost it, with no time to re-write it! Hate when that happens...And finally I am back.

I feel like such an idiot saying again that I constantly tweak and try new mods or programs all together. Every last thing ends in failure, including No S, but since each works temporarily (like a few hours HAHA) I feel a renewed sense of "this is it". I was at a party last night and I realized why S days make so much sense. There is almost no was around snacking at a big party that goes until 2am. Unless you are very engaged and can ignore all the food and desserts. But me, for example, went with hubby who knew these people and I didn't know a soul, obviously couldn't even join in for a glass of wine (nevermind the rest of the alcohol they were pounding back) and so it was totally fine but admittedly kind of boring. It was nice to be able to enjoy some of the food while chatting with people. DH has no problem eating dinner before a party and literally not touching any of it there. I will never ever understand this behaviour.

So here I am, realizing yet again, feeling like the most broken-record-in-the-world, that Vanilla is the option for me. If I manage to eat healthily for 5 days I shouldnt feel guilty for eating less than optimal foods on S days. Beats the hell out of 7 S days a week. I need to learn discipline.

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:00 pm

*hugs* I've arrived at exactly the same place. It's almost funny how often our thoughts follow the same train...
I wish you courage and perseverance for the upcoming week. I KNOW you can do it. Reading your posts is such an inspiration to many of us, I'm glad you're back!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:11 am

I appreciate your saying that. I will think of you ladies on this board tomorrow when my motivation is low and I start to not care. We should set up a challenge or something.

Today S day was OK. I didn't binge or crazy over do it, but I picked after lunch and it TOTALLY spoiled my appetite. What a shame because dinner with my family tonight included my sis making homemade pumpkin ravioli among many other things, which I didn't enjoy nearly to the full extent. That's the bad side of snacking. I made brownies, and licked too much batter so by dessert time, I only split one with DH as they didn't even appeal. Oh well, my fault, I'll have to live with those decisions Monday-Friday while completing my first round of N days.

I will allow myself hot chocolate or milk between meals if I need it. My hot chocolate will consist of 1 tsp cocoa and 1 tsp sugar (that equals about 25 additional calories but will be well spent if it avoids a binge. It is true that liquids don't derail my efforts as putting food, any food, in my mouth does).

I think things should start to get easier. I'm easing into the work routine again, and I kinda like the routine to be honest. It's comforting and sort of fun to set small goals/tasks to accomplish and reach them.

I haven't made any decisions about eating breakfast early or waiting until 11am and just having milk in the morning. Then eating another meal later at night. We'll see. Does it even matter? I get 3 plates a day, the time is irrelevant isn't it? If I have a very late dinner one day, well then Thank God for milk. Let's not complicate this right

Follow me! I need accountability! I am very excited

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:32 am

Pumpkin ravioli--yum! I'm so envious of all your great family get togethers. My family lives in another state so get togethers a rare.

I definitely think vanilla S is the way to go, at least at first. Just focus on getting the habit. It's hard to know whats going to work if you don't have enough data to go on so it's important to give it several weeks or months before deciding on any changes you have to make.

Best of luck next week!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:51 am

I'm following you Sinnie, we can do this. Take each day at a time. I've set myself a challenge of three days green in a row, that is my first goal. You might want o try I too? I know you can do this, focus on your teaching, think of how much you are sharing and supporting your students, give yourself some of that love and peace. I think your hot chocolate sounds perfect, some nourishment , but also a little treat and does NOT mean a failure eating wise.. Sip it and enjoy. I shall think of you today

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:21 pm

Thank you sooo much Linda and Tessy!!! I appreciate the thoughts and will succeed so I can post to you that I did it

@Linda - the family get togethers are much more frequent now because we moved last December. I've always wanted to stay close and am very happy because they mean so much to me! But, sometimes distance is okay too

You make do with whatever you have to right?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 3:35 pm

Day 1 Vanilla: SUCCESS

My weight has soared in a few days to 138 lbs which is crazy. It could be simply too much food (most likely culprit), maybe retaining water too. All I know is this trend cannot stay. Clearly I'm not trying to lose weight and so Im calming down my diet head and accepting the #1 MOST IMPORTANT thing in regards to my eating right now is VANILLA NO S. Weight is uncontrollable to some degree right now, I can't cut back too much, I just need to be healthy and develop the right habits. Here we go!!!

Breakfast @ 6:30am - 1/3 cup oatmeal made with water, added some powdered milk, evaporated milk, walnuts and raisins. Black half-caffeinated coffee.

Lunch @ 11am - 1/2 bagel with some salmon and herb & garlic cream cheese, a very "mealy" disappointing peach and small container full fat strawberry flavoured yogurt. Kind of small but I'm not hungry. I think I need to stop with this idea that I have to eat huge amounts.

Dinner @ 5:30pm - homemade veggie soup (tons of veggies, potatoes, sweet potatoes, kidney beans) w/ macaroni and one chicken thigh. I was finally hungry for a meal!

I will have a hot chocolate tonight (mug of 1% milk, tsp cocoa, tsp sugar).

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:01 pm

Well done Sinnie, one good green day under your belt. Forget about the weight and dieting as much as you can. Concentrate on eating well and enjoying your pregnancy. Think how strong your habits ill be after the baby.
Tessy

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:45 am

Great job Sinnie!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 6:00 am

Wise approach. I wish you luck!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:43 am

Thank you very much! Let's go for another successful day

Amazing what the overeating/sodium did to me - weight is 134.5 this morning.

Day 2: SUCCESS

Breakfast - oatmeal again (powdered milk, flax seeds, walnuts, raisins, this time with a banana too).

Lunch - more veggie soup with 4 pumpkin ravioli's (only ate 2.5), small container peach yogurt and apple & plum.

Dinner - big bagel with lots of herb cream cheese; two eggs with cheese and few red pepper strips with ranch.

I felt like dinner wasn't healthy enough and the bagel WAY too many carbs it was huge, but I finished it, enjoyed it and even when cutting brownies for step DD's lunch I didn't even lick what got on my fingers.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:59 am

Just some thoughts I want to scribble down.

1) When I feel like snacking, go do something productive instead. For example, I am always behind on cleaning around the house. If it starts to look much cleaner, it'll be the physical result of my saying no to snacks. I wonder how much time I waste eating/binging outside of meals that could actually be used for good. Even reading a book.

2) I am not interested in binging on weekends, no matter if that's part of the process or not. I feel it's an unhealthy choice for me right now and want to avoid that mindset. I'm thinking of weekends as a time to loosen the rules. That may mean sweeter breakfasts (pastry's and such), dessert after dinner or a muffin at Starbucks with friends on a Sunday morning. If the rest of my family doesn't binge just 'cuz it's the weekend, I don't want to either. I do still believe in exerting some willpower to keep the child in me under control.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 11:57 am

Day 3: SUCCESS

B: small pumpkin muffin (homemade), microwaved peach (cut in pieces) with a container of cherry yogurt and granola on top.

L: bowl of veggie soup (complete w/ beans & potatoes), some kraft dinner, raspberry yogurt and few red pepper strips (had to force a few down - ick).

D: homemade meatballs & spaghetti w/ cheese; salad

I will probably have milk at night, I always do.
Having a bit of a rough day, dreading some issues to deal with at home. Feeling very lethargic and unmotivated as a result. This is the time to really hang onto No S because if I can do it during perceived tough times it'll make the habit stronger probably.
Anyways, had a mocha this afternoon for sanity's sake and will not count such beverages as failures (it was a small half decaf-half hot chocolate). It is amazing how the drinks don't "get me going" in the sense of wanting more and binging. If I was counting calories, oh how I would have dove into a donut instead.

I don't know how I did it tonight. Emotions are high, problems at home with S-DD, I reallllllllllly want a snack which would 100% turn into a binge tonight. But something is totally stopping me from even contemplating it. Like I just know it's not an option. It's not really a struggle, I just wish I could have something so I don't have to feel.

I was actually very very hungry for dinner today. I had a glass of milk while preparing it completely worked.

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 12:15 pm

Hey Miss Sinnie:

You will do just fine!
I love the sound of pumpkin ravioli!!

You talk a lot about not eating that much or not wanting to eat too much. I've read some of the meals you've had. It does not sound like a lot to me. But then again, we are each individuals and finding out what works for us in terms of amounts and types of food is the important goal towards improvement! For me, I have to have an egg with my oatmeal (yes, i love it with raisens and nuts!!), or I'm hungry within 2 hours. I think I'm more a less-carbs kind of gal.

I have to say, you eat some interesting (as in I have not had that before...or haven't had that in a while) meals, which gets me thinking of trying something outside of my food-rut.

Let's face it, ours is a dysfunctional eating society, and we Sisters are re-learning what's functional for each of us.

As long as you feel good and you get good Dr's reports on that little stowaway you've got growing inside you, then you're on the right track.

Good Luck on another Day!
Hippy Dippy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:25 pm

Hey Hippy!

Thanks for your comments. Funny you mention about oatmeal not being filling enough. I used to find that too, in fact I used to always be starving by lunch no matter what I ate for breakfast. But now, my appetite has gone WAYYY down. I never feel hungry much anymore, other than night time when it's more snackies I want. I am still gaining weight, and lots of it (at the top of the spectrum for that). So, I still eat because I have to but it's a been a funny transition. Doc hasn't mentioned a word about eating or weight -- which I assume is because everything is fine. All other tests and monitors are perfect

My energy level is fantastic right now, no naps needed, get lots of work done. I wonder how long this will last

Oh, and I am always full after my meals. If they sound small, it's because I dont list portion sizes always hahaha or the things I add to it.

Here's to another successful day! We can do it girl!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:31 pm

Sinnie you are such a star, I am so pleased for you that your energy levels are good and you are not feeling horribly hungry for meals. You will gain weight, thats pregnancy for you. But your habits are getting so strong. You will sort any left over weight if needed after you have your little one. For now enjoy this time. It is precious. Thank you for finding time to spare for me too

such kind , honest and caring words, they meant such a lot.
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:18 am

Tessy, thanks for being such a support. You made me feel emotional for a moment about remembering how precious this time is. I had a hard time getting pregnant and this is all I've wanted for a long time. It may be the only time. I will cherish every moment.

I am surprised that I've been so successful this week. Let's try for Thursday now.

DAY 4: SUCCESS

B: small banana muffin (homemade), handful walnuts, frozen berries sprinkled with sugar and container of yogurt.

L: big bagel with herb cream cheese; tomato with italian dressing (wish I brought more but oh well - ill get some milk this afternoon)

*went to Starbucks and ordered a tall half sweet mocha. It's perfect, and not sweet at all. My definition is the same as Reinhard says in the book "is it sweet enough to be dessert?" NO!

D: that same veggie soup but I added meatballs, and 2 slices of bread with butter; watermelon.

I was sooo hungry by dinner because I had a dentist appt after work and then went straight to my parents house because I was helping them get ready to move tomorrow. I thought she'd have *some* food but everything was packed. Luckily I packed some extra food this morning in my lunch just in case for dinner. So the watermelon was sort of virtual plated b/c i waited until my BIL brought it. But certainly not a failure, although something to watch out for.

I'll have some milk tonight.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 6:13 pm

You are doing great Sinnie! I must try the 1/2 sweet mocha!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:45 am

Thanks Linda! Do try it

Day 5: FAIL

B: 2 eggs with cheese, small pumpkin muffin and glass of orange juice
L: big bagel w/ gruyere cheese, tomato and lettace; small bowl of kraft dinner; walnuts; yogurt
D: pizza, carrots, banana, 2 wings, 2 or 3 packaged chocolate chip cookies, many vanilla wafers*

*This mishap occurred because dinner was outside my normal routine and I had a feeling it might dismantle me this week. My parents were moving into their new house and I was getting very hungry so I got some pizza's. There were no plates, no utensils, no chairs or table. I tried to get some fruit/veg for the meal but I could feel myself slipping. I just kept taking "one more slice" and when I felt like I had failed, I dipped into the cookies too. I felt sooo uncomfortably full and gross.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:06 pm

After a failure on Friday and S day on Saturday, I really do feel like crap. Kinda makes me wonder why I do it when honestly I felt more satisfied, physically and mentally, on N days. I'll probably re-think the concept a little bit. It's not providing me with any joy. It's Sunday morning, I'm drinking my decaf coffee with milk and waiting for DH to get up so we can have breakfast. This took about 10 seconds of conscious thought. Just b/c it's an S day, I'd normally have just started snacking, and then eaten again though totally not hungry when he came down. I find then I feel disappointed that i'm not hungry and already in "snacking mode". So this morning, I made the decision to wait and have 3 proper meals today. The God-honest truth is I enjoy it not way more, but I don't enjoy S days. I guess that's weird. Not sure how I'll handle this, but it's an interesting revelation. I suppose since I'm a bit more relaxed about some of the rules, like I'll have a muffin on N days if it's homemade, mocha's and such, I'm not totally deprived of things I really like. I don't feel the need to make up for anything, and I snack b/c it's an INCREDIBLY ingrained habit for me, and mainly because I am huge emotional eater. I am not saying I won't indulge on weekends if I want, but I definitely don't want to be a perma snacker. The other things that occured to me was I don't eat healthy on S days because I snack and eat sweets instead of nourishing things and my milk drink "snacks". This isn't the time to do that. I'll update later how the day goes...

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:01 pm

I absolutely understand your struggle. S-days should be pleasurable, yet so often they are not...

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 6:44 pm

Sinnie - many hugs. So sorry you are struggling on S days. It is so tricky. I struggle too just like you and it makes me feel crap. You are not alone. So many posts over several years testify to the challenges S days present. I have thought a lot about this and I feel that it is because we come face to face with our 'old' selves on S days and we do not like it!! But I also have read many many posts where long term noSers have struggled with S days and slowly but surely they have got easier and less challenging. I think we just need time. And you need to be kind to yourself. You are doing so well. Making a new person, working and holding it all together. You encourage me so much because actually I think you are doing well. Try not to worry about your S days and focus on sustaining your progress on noS days. Time will ease all these issues.
Hugs
Tessy

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:16 pm

Just some thoughts: French women don't eat differently during pregnancy. They don't eat for two, they don't think of it as a license to overeat, nor to gain much weight. (They also chillingly believe that a woman who gains too much during pregnancy deserve it if a man strays while she's "fat." But that's another issue.) They don't really eat junk food before, during, or after pregnancy, but they sure love food.

You don't have to eat perfectly, but keep moving towards good quality food! And at the same time, gently try to remember that no one is helped by bingeing. In a calm moment, write down all the negative consequences of bingeing- the feeling of having food in control, cruddy feelings of being stuffed for hours, probably criticizing thoughts that make you feel down, fear of hurting the baby, etc. Really paint the picture, though without frenzy or panic. Just try to get clear the price you are paying for giving in at those moments. Then write a paragraph of the advantages of waiting for a planned meal in moments of crisis.

Read these two paragraphs over several times a day for at least a month, and beyond. Remember, the biochemical pattern that underlies urges has been reinforced for a long time. A few moments or days is unlikely to counteract it.

Don't wait until you're in the middle of a crisis to pull it out, though it's not a bad time. But often, your writing won't be available. Read it in calm moments, over and over. You'd be surprised how many times these thoughts can pop up at the needed times. They may pop up before they are strong enough to stop you, but let them into the mix. The tide will turn.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:42 pm

Hey girls,

I thoroughly appreciate your responses. Sorry for not posting sooner, I've been tremendously busy.

Tessy, it's what you mentioned about being faced with our old selves on S days. I can feel totally cured but I don't feel I can be left alone without any conscious thought when it comes to eating. I was talking about this with DH Sunday night, because he is curious about the mindset. What makes the two of us so different? He says the bowls of candy etc at work do not even begin to bother him, he NEVER takes it. And he works some insanely long hours where he might not eat dinner until 10pm. He doesn't think about food, and knows overeating or eating junk will make him fat so he just....doesn't. I told him if there were no consequences to eating, I'd be doing it all the time. I just love the feeling of food, idea of food, taste, comfort, everything.

Oolala, I appreciate the reminder about the french. I pulled out Bringing Up Bebe again and just read the same thing about what you said. If a French woman is still hungry after those 3 meals, she should have a sixth of a baguette and piece of cheese or something like that. I am going to do that exercise you mention. It's funny because I have so much to write down, and yet I don't know where to start. It's a good idea.

I fell off yesterday because I was at a work event and had dessert just because the others did. It wasn't even good. Then b/c I was being bad, I also took 2 candies. I decided I'll leave it at that. I was super good about waiting a bit longer for dinner and had milk to tide over, which worked amazingly. But before bed I got hungry so I had a half glass of lightly flavored hot choc. I felt fine. Then I somehow decided I was still hungry and should eat something so snuck 2 pieces of bread - one with pb/j and the other with cream cheese. Felt like garbage this morning for doing that. I love the feeling of waking up and knowing I am fairly empty and ready for breakfast. I miss that feeling from last week.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:46 pm

Tues. Sept. 24

B: slice bread w/ pb & j (shared crusts with the dog), a nectarine and oatmeal (milk, walnuts, raisins, ground flax seeds).

L: kale/potato soup, few bites mac n cheese, grapefruit, yogurt

D: 1 naan, leftover lamb, salad, and a piece fruit (planned)

I find knowing I can have as much beverages as I want realllllllly helps. I've never used that crutch before because my calorie counting days would haunt me. But I learned last week that it actually works like magic. I need to program that into myself. It saved a lot of potential eating marathons.

EDIT: Pretty much a success. I did pick at some food while prepping lunches, mainly licking peanut butter, but I stopped there. I did have a few bites of DH's salad at night, but again stopped. I thought of oolala saying how I will feel AFTER. I went to the mall for an hour with sister, and got a pumpkin spice latte - NO whip, half sweet. It was filling and made me stay on track!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:59 pm

Totally stealing your idea. Hot milk with honey and cinnamon certainly feels like treat to me.
Just looked at your post count - WOW

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:50 pm

Well done Sinnie. Sounds like a good day and yummy food. Drinks so important right now. Like you I am just really starting to appreciate them. You make me fancy kale and potato soup, I love kale

have another good day tomorrow. You are getting there
Tessy

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:58 am

Your husband is the EXCEPTION. People like that are the Mozarts of the eating world. The rest of us have to practice our scales.

Is sneaking food new?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:07 pm

Imogen, that milk with honey and cinnamon sounds GOOD! I'm going to try that

I just realized my post count when you mentioned it - Crazy!!!

Tessy, thanks for the support. Don't forget yourself about the saving power of beverages. They are truly what's kept me afloat. I had no idea that's all I had to do...if only I'd given it a chance sooner!

Oolala, yes he is the exception. But I don't think he gets that. He thinks it's so simple

"just don't eat between meals". yeah, right. Oh, and the sneaking food is sooo not new. Unfortunately, it's been a habit since high school.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:19 pm

Wed. September 25

B: oatmeal (as per usual) - too much, very filling, I think I added extra oats because I didn't measure.

L: sandwich w/ herb cream cheese, cheddar and gruyere, topped with tomato and a whole avocado; baby carrots; yogurt, small nectarine and small apple.

Glass of milk

D: cheesy pasta bake (with ground beef), and orange.

Snacked while prepping lunches again - one slice of bread with pb & j, a few candies.

So exhausted right now I dont even care

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:21 pm

I felt so full last night, and when I eat even *a little* too much, it feels like my skin can't stretch enough over my stomach. Talk about uncomfortable. I need to be really cognizant of that when deciding to have an extra bite or two. Or three. It HURTS.

B: slice bread w/ pb, banana, small apple
Got a mocha at Tim Horton's. Almost got a muffin but luckily said no! The mocha was kinda too sweet but me think much better than a donut!
L: leftover pasta w/ cheese & beef, yogurt, nectarine

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:30 pm

Don't worry too much about it being too sweet at this point. Just get in the habit of not eating between meals & after that you can deal with types & amounts of drinks.

Good job with passing on the muffin!!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:47 pm

I second what Lpearlmom said: "no snacks" and "no seconds" rule is more important than "no sweets".

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:20 pm

Esp. when it's mocha. You can make them and find them in all levels of sweetness, but I haven't found they lead to eating more like solid sweets do. Enjoy now and let drop when the time comes, if ever.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:09 pm

Thank you so much for the re-assurance. I needed to hear it. I feel snacky this afternoon. I had to leave the building as I know I'm going to be here later than usual so I popped out for a bit. I went to Tim's again, and this time got a decaf with triple milk. No sugar. I figured the milk might help sustain until I get home when I can have milk if needed to make it to dinner since that might also be late.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:09 am

Hang in there Sinnie, you may have hit on a really good strategy for yourself, also nourishing food for your body too. It's nice to go out to buy something hot and sustaining like milk. This has real promise I think. Take care. Have a good day tomorrow. I am rooting for you
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:34 pm

Thanks Tessy. Although I ate again last night, even after I had a half mug of lightly sweeted hot chocolate. I know it was stress related, and although I tried to talk myself out of it and think of all the wonderful, insightful things people tell me here, I knew I was going to "use" food to feel better. No other option sounded good. I had a huge grapefruit, and slice of bread with lots of pb, some walnuts & raisins, some milk...and felt like crap this morning. My weight is going to be a problem if I keep this up. Feeling discouraged and unmotivated and just crummy. I KNOW for a fact that the drinks help immensely. But a small part of my brain says why waste the calories on that just eat!!!

B: slice bread w/ pb, decaf with evap. milk
extra small coffee w/ cream & sugar
L: leftover cheesy pasta; small banana/apple/nectarine
Will definitely have some kind of drink to tide over until dinner - probably OJ or milk or both. Yup, had both.
D: 2 small slices of veggie pizza, 2 pieces of garlic bread, few timbits

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 4:07 pm

It doesn't sound like worrying about the weight is helping. Concentrate on wanting to avoid that cruddy feeling later. Hang on hard tonight so that you can give yourself another time to feel what it's like to wake up without having eaten after dinner. Then let your mind contrast the two. Try not to shame yourself into it. Instead, be more calm and matter-of-fact. It won't make it easy at the moment of temptation, but easier, and less wrapped up in moral judgement.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 9:44 pm

Great advice oolala. In fact, it worked when I was just about to eat something because I started to rationalize. I am not eating dinner till about 7pm at my friends and it's 5:30pm now. I didn't eat particularly a lot today. But I'm not shaky and feel fine otherwise. I had some milk when I got home and went downstairs to have a snack...but then stopped myself. I am allowed to have drinks which is hard for me to justify when I could have a snack for less calories. But I never do. A snack would turn into a meal and totally ruin my appetite for dinner, but I would have to eat anyways. So a glass of OJ it is, and I know I'll be better off for it. Its not about the calories. It about the fact that drinks don't make me keep on drinking and drinking. Even if it's 200 calories, that's a far cry from the 500, 600 or more calories i'd EASILY ingest with food.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:03 pm

Yes! It's not about the calories in this case, but in the habit. Drinking doesn't inspire excess.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:16 am

I can't believe how well this worked out tonight! The drinks saved me yet again!!! I really need to give this some serious weight - it's amazing how it tides you over without causing cravings, binges, or anything. I wonder if that's part of the dieting problem. You never waste calories on beverages, but those innocent carrots sticks are just the tipping point. Hmm.

Anyways, just got home from my friends place and it was so nice! She made a veggie frozen pizza which was very small, and garlic bread. She is a VERY tiny girl, so I watched how much she ate and it was the same as me. I brought along a French Vanilla coffee for her, and black decaf for me, along with a 10 box of timbits (tiny donuts for those unfamiliar with Tim Hortons). I had a few because we sat down to them. No guilt, just normal. Not overstuffed at all. I wish there was some veggies with dinner, but I'm not freaking out. One night without a "proper" dinner isn't going to kill me or the baby. And I'm not using it as an excuse to eat veggies at 10pm, as i'm not hungry at all and for once have no desire to snack or binge! Usually, being alone at this time on a Friday night could trigger me (DH is out playing soccer - late game). But it's like the desire has been taken away, like "ohh, well, if you're hungry, you are more than welcome to have milk or OJ". If you're not hungry, neither sound very appetizing. So, I go about my business. Those are my options. I'm feeling good about this

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 3:05 am

Great Sinnie!! It's definitely not about the calories. You are just laying the foundation of habit right now. Once that is in place you can manipulate the what part (food/drink type) to fit your needs, wants & weight goals. The foundation will bring you great peace of mind & calm the chaos.

Good for you for really hanging in there & figuring out what works for you. Have a great weekend!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 6:33 am

Sinnie. What delightful post to read

I am so impressed. It looks like drinks are a key strategy for your success. It is strange but I also get comfort from a drink especially a hot one. I shall try to follow your good example. Enjoy your weekend. Forget about calories just relax into it if you can

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 1:05 pm

Ladies, you are so uplifting. You want to know the truth? I wasn't going to write it because I am embarrassed and feel at some point people will be like what's the point in helping her she never listens. I do, but urges just take.

I stayed up late reading that blog by BlueSkighs someone posted on Tessy's check in. I wasn't getting tired and it was so interesting. By midnight, I suddenly had a terrible drop in blood sugar. I guess b/c dinner was all carbs. I still struggled with the idea of taking ANOTHER drink - like I already had a caloric coffee in the morning (1 cream and 1 sugar), OJ, milk. I should not think like that ever. But I do. And I didn't want a drink, I wanted variety. I grabbed the baby carrots and ate them like it was going out of style. A piece of celery and corn on the cob and a tiny apple. Then, it cant stay at veggies so I had a piece of bread with cream cheese, then a pita with peanut butter. Oh, and two bowls of cereal. Yup, I'm so red right now. I just couldn't stop. You can imagine how NOT hungry I am this morning. I don't want to post this, but clear accountability is probably good. This is the real me, I can't hide it.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 3:01 pm

Dear Sinnie. The real you is lovely, honest, determined, supportive and brave. It takes real courage to be honest and fess up when we binge and go crazy. But take heart. Most of us have done it. I spent most of last week eating like it was going out of fashion, badly, secretly and despairingly. I think what I gained from the BlueSkighs blog was that she also has a long history of disordered eating. Yet she made it work for her and she is clearly freer from food that she could ever have imagined. We can be like that Sinnie, we really can. But it may take us a few try's to settle. Maybe you need to have more food on your three plates? As much food as you want. I wonder if you notice calories still a lot, i do it is ingrained in us now. But that might be stopping you from having enough food on your plates. Just a thought? Anyway, try to move on from this and have a good weekend and aim for a good noS week. I am thinking of you and sending hugs. Sorry for long post
Tessy

jw · Post by jw » Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:41 pm

Sinnie, it sounds to me like you had the shopping list from Healthy Eating for a midnight snack on an S day -- it also sounds like you know why (blood sugar drop, due to all carbs for dinner). But it was an S day, it was all really healthy foods that can't harm you or your baby, and it was an opportunity to learn about yourself! (Eat protein at every meal, for example.)

Just take it for what it is and move on -- a binge, yes, a midnight feast, but after all, it could have been cheesecake and chips . . . and even that would have been technically within the rules of No S. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:26 am

Sinnie--nobody is ready to give up on you so don't you dare give up on yourself!! We've all been there many many times or we wouldn't be on this board in the first place, right?

I've struggled so so long with disordered eating, but something just finally clicked for me. I think I got to the point where I realized being fat wasn't the worst thing in the world. There are plenty of beautiful, healthy & happy fat people in the world. No what the worst thing of all was to have such a tortured relationship with food. To be totally & completely consumed with food & ones weight was really the worst thing of all. It just sucks all the joy out of life & leaves you very little brain space for much else.

NoS can put food back in its rightful place because it keeps you from having to constantly wonder if you should put something in your mouth every 5 secs. Yon can give a lot of thought to food 3x/day and the rest of the time your mind is freed up.

The structure is actually freedom. It's not a punishment, it's a gift. Also, when you're eating just 3 meals a day, it takes away all the guilt. Even if I don't lose a single pound, I can know for certain I'm not overeating. This has really restored confidence in myself. It means a lot.

Sinnie, you are beautiful wether you lose weight or not and, since you really can't be trying to lose weight right now anyway, this might be the perfect time to focus on calming the ongoing internal turmoil within you?

Sorry for going on for so long and not sure if I'm making any sense but just hang in there and you will eventually get to where you want to be.

"When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did we're failures. So I did ten times more work. " George Bernard Shaw

Linda :}

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:18 pm

Thank you guys so much! What fantastic support! I had a nice long message for each of you individually, computer ate my post when I hit submit and I don't have time to re-write on lunch

Must remember to copy it just in case, this happens frequently!

I feel like I'm slowly starting to "get it." Even though it reads like I'm not making progress, even through these failures I can feel a difference. As in, I start to understand the value of certain rules or restrictions.

S days were not horrible, but certainly could want for better. That's ok - they weren't a binge and now I need to re-focus on the next 5 days. Mondays are tough because I find a severe decrease in appetite from weekend excess.

B: 2 apple pancakes (unsweetened and didn't finish), 9 pecan halves, small apple
L: sandwich with deli meat and cheese, small nectarine, small banana, big apple
D: 1 rib, some pasta, salad and an orange. Wasn't really feeling dinner. So after I had a very small piece of nanaimo bar, a small chocolate cookie and rather large bowl of Special K cereal with milk. Not gonna be a problem, I'm satisfied and stopping here.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:12 pm

Yay! Didn't eat anything else last night *woot woot*
I did have a small glass of milk before bed. Very happy with that progress!

Breakfast was a big bowl of cereal. Kashi Go Lean or something (just bought it b/c it has higher protein) and maybe 1/3 cup of some high fibre cereal with a cup or so of milk.

Lunch was turkey dinner leftovers from my mom's Sunday night. Turkey, mashed potatoes, cauliflower/brussel sprouts, gravy/mushrooms, cranberry sauce. An apple.

Dinner was 2 beef burritos, maybe 1 tortilla chip with cheese sauce, salad and an apple. Then I did have a nanaimo bar after with milk. Was a little uncomfortably full once that food settled, and it stayed with me most of the night. Terrible feeling like your stomach can't stretch enough.

I am keeping a rough tally of calories because I find that's helping me make sure I eat enough at meals, but also not underestimating how much food it can be at times (especially because I have that awful tendency to "pick" after dinner). I am sorta aiming for 1800 and seeing how that affects my weight. If it's not enough, I'll up to 2000. I think I am supposed to be having a small gain of 0.5-1 lbs per week in the last trimester? It's been going faster than that, and I want to slow this rate. Too much at stake. Feeling very content and happy so far.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:38 am

Awesome sinnie

you are managing everything so brilliantly. I am soooo impressed. I understand your concerns about putting on too much weight. But I am very impressed by your care in ensuring you are doing the best for your baby. What a great mum you are

keep going.
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:52 am

Tessy you are awesome! Thank you sooo much for the encouragement!!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:55 am

Another day of feeling like I'm gonna do well. I know today won't be perfect, and i'll explain why, but following the logic of someone who posted on the main thread - if I missed the exit on the highway, I wouldn't go crash my car...i'd just make a detour...

Breakfast was more cereal (high fiber cereal small amount and Fibre One brown sugar shredded wheat) with milk and a delicious peach.

Lunch will be a whole wheat pita with ham and cheese and tomato. Apple.

EDIT: OH my how I wanted some more food after lunch. I was hungry when I ate and it took a few minutes to register in my stomach. I went to Tim Hortons and started to feel the urge to get something I shouldn't. Then it just dawned on -->NO, I can't. I looked at that caramel apple bagel and said to myself internally as though I'm talking with a child "Sinnie, if you would really like that bagel, why don't we come back in the morning and enjoy it later. We'll treat ourselves out for breakfast!"
I had to do that a few times with different items and it worked. I just kept thinking I can have this anytime that is more appropriate, ill come back etc. Got a decaf and got outta there!

There will be cake this afternoon for a co-workers baby shower. I'll probably have to partake but will aim to keep it small. In addition, my mom is making plum dumplings (a Fall favourite) but I can't exactly go there for dinner. So my plan is to have some steak & veggie at home for dinner, and enjoy a few dumplings later when I am at her house.

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 12:19 pm

Plum dumplings sound amazing!!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:17 pm

Plum dumplings, oh my! One of my favourite autumn dishes! Enjoy

I really like that quote about detours - very powerful analogy.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 5:24 pm

So glad to hear others also enjoy this rare treat!

I really need to learn how to make them. Sometimes my mom will put other fruit like apricot or cherry but not in the Fall, I don't think that's traditional.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:46 pm

It is so important to recognize that you can be making progress even when you have failures. I realized this more than a year ago, and, funny, I just read it in a book about recovering from eating disorders- more for anorexics, but it still applies.

I really believe there is great value in the REcommitment, which is more likely after a failure! Just like muscle growth and strength come from limited tears and repair.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:53 pm

Sinnie wrote: I looked at that caramel apple bagel and said to myself internally as though I'm talking with a child "Sinnie, if you would really like that bagel, why don't we come back in the morning and enjoy it later. We'll treat ourselves out for breakfast!"

Sinnie you made me laugh so much

I think I shall try this with my little inner Tessy! You are doing so brilliantly at the moment it really feels like you have settled yourself in a very good way. Well done, enjoy those dumplings.
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:13 pm

hehehe wasn't it funny!?!?! It sounds so silly - but really did work! Try it!

Yesterday went well. I had this chickpea cauliflower curry at mom's with the plate of dumplings. No steak afterall, it was one meal! But the slice of cake, well, that was big. My colleagues thought I should get the biggest piece cuz i'm pregnant

This morning I stopped at Tims b/c I was early. I contemplated getting a bagel but was really full from breakfast and realized I wouldn't enjoy it. I dont want to get into an old habit where I say oh ill get this now and eat lighter later. Never happens. So I got an extra small coffee with cream and hit the road!

B: cereal, milk, apple, 4 pecans
L: chickpea/cauliflower curry, 1/2 pita with cheese, peach
bite of black licorice - I don't even like it - so I threw it out
D: some veg/grain soup, handful grapes, steak, alfredo pasta, sparkling juice, 1/2 frozen reese pb ice cream thing (unreal how delicious this was)

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 3:26 pm

Isn't it interesting to see how many times we feel the day affords us a chance to eat? Even now, I'll be reminded of getting candy at one of those little free-standing 25 cent candy machines if is has M & M's because I used to regard that as a sign that I should get them. (Most machines have candy I don't like.) Or how often we equate eating with waiting. Oh, I have to wait for such and such, so I'll eat X. What's that got to do with anything? Now, a coffee while sitting there? That's just civilized!

And yes it does work to talk to yourself in the way you might guide a child when in those situations.

MORE cake because you're pregnant? Oh, my.

I hear the Japanese say during the 1st trimester a woman should aim at eating only about 50 calories more than usual. Goes up more after that but never more than 500 extra calories, and that only at the end. These days, that sounds like a lot on a daily basis.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:17 am

You're doing so well Sinnie! All these little victories are really going to come together for you in a big way. I really admire your perseverance and wish I could have figured this out when I was your age. Would have saved me a lot of suffering!

Keep going!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:22 am

Great restraint on the bagel Sinnie. These small everyday victories of common sense and personal insight are signs of a good habit established I think. Well done

I feel I may need your mums plum dumpling recipe. I have never had such a thing and they sound yummy

have a good green day. Weekend is nearly here hooray

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:01 pm

Thank you ladies! The support is so awesome here

I am feeling very happy, well extremely relieved too, that things actually are coming together. I know it goes against the grain to eyeball calories, but it's working wonders for me. Nothing crazy, just a quick estimate to help me gauge things and it's calmed me down totally. Not like other times where I use it as an excuse to snack because I can balance the books later, but as a tool/information. I don't care if my guesstimates are accurate - that's not really the point. #1 is that I don't snack. The seconds I've never really followed, and sweets isn't my downfall typically. It's that evil snacking! I do my best to eat nutritiously in those 3 meals, but if I happen to have something sweet so be it. I tend to not eat the really junky stuff anyways as we just dont buy it.

B: 4 plum dumplings w/ tbsp real maple syrup and 7 walnuts/pecans mixed.

L: was weird. I brought pasta and a peach but work got crazy and I only ate maybe 1/2 the pasta and the peach. I decided I'd get something in an hour once classes finished. So I made my way to Tims and finally got that bagel

Except they didn't have it, so I got some maple cinnamon bagel toast with butter and a decaf with cream. No guilt. No WTH effect. I'm good

D: sausage, potatoes, roasted root veggies, barley/quinoa salad and a few pieces of brownie (small). Feels like failure but I'm not going to let it go there. I maybe went off track b/c I had less control over dinner (ate my mum's again). I needn't freak out - I don't feel totally stuffed just full and a bit disappointed in myself. I am detouring the car instead of crashing...

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 12:51 pm

You're doing great! *thumbs up*

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:38 am

Thanks, Imogen! This was the best S day I've had in a long time. At times the day was stressful, but we painted the baby's room and it looks great

Breakfast was oatmeal w/ raisins, nuts and brown sugar and some of an egg omelette with bread.

Then when I was out with sister we split a salted caramel mocha from Starbucks. It was delish!

For lunch I had some leftovers from yesterdays dinner, plus a nanaimo bar and piece of brownie.

Dinner was shrimp, maybe 3 tortilla chips, 1/3 whole wheat pita, coleslaw and a plum.

Then after walking the dog I had a small nanaimo bar, tiny brownie square and 1/2 a reese ice cream. I admit I ate this during a stressful/irritating phone call though.

Still very happy I controlled myself today with virtually no snacking!!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:02 pm

Up a pound which slightly annoys me, but hey, it's gonna happen.

So far this morning I just didn't want to wait for DH to get up. He likes to stay in bed awhile on weekends b/c he works so much during the week. I am an early riser no matter what.

So far I've had a mini blueberry muffin, and toast w/ tbsp pb (with a cup of decaf).

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:22 pm

Hi Sinnie. Well done on your S days. You're gonna get bigger that's the point! But you are eating so well and thoughtfully. That's the bonus

your habits are getting really strong. I'm impressed with you

but then I always am

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:18 pm

Thanks Tessy! And you are right, I am only just gonna get bigger!

Sunday also went fine as an S day, in fact, I was very stressed and generally had an awful day but I did the opposite in that I ate little not more. I forced myself to eat dinner only b/c im pregnant or I wouldve probably skipped it.

Today is good so far. At Tims I said no any sweets b/c I knew I wouldnt really enjoy it. Got an extra small coffee and didnt even finish that.

B: soup, plum, mini blueberry muffin
L: oatmeal with the usual works, apple
D: prime rib, kraft dinner, salad, 1/2 grapefruit

I did snack a little after dinner while cleaning up. My new mantra is not to crash the car because I missed the exit. I repeat it often in my head when I am about to engage in the WTH effect. It has been sort of working.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 12:00 pm

I think I am going to really focus on meals, with no snacking. Sometimes I go to my mom's on the way home from work and she always has food to give me so I occasionally will have some there (like a bowl of soup, piece of homemade apple strudel - nothing too sweet, she doesn't make cakes, cookies etc). I figure if I have a 4th mini meal once in a while, I'm okay with that, as long as it's plated and not eaten over the stove. I then adjust my dinner to be a bit smaller. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying to reduce sugar, just because it's not healthy but not eliminate it. That will just lead me to binge. So, proper meals (not overloaded), no snacking, limit sugar when I can.

B: bowl of kashi cereal/fiber 1 shredded wheat with milk; toast w/ pb
L: bean soup, 2 slices cheese on a soft tortilla, apple strudel
Went to Starbucks and got a short caramel macchiato. OMG so good.
D: ham, potatoes, veggies, some Sprite (not much)
I did have dessert of 1/2 a frozen reese pb ice cream thing. Again, I did pick a little while making lunches. That seems to be a problem for me. I was able to stop without much damage and that was it for the evening.

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 12:54 pm

Good luck! I'm doing something similar myself. My impression is that snacking is a real killer, and dessert here and there (but perhaps not multiple times a day!) doesn't make any significant difference to my weight nor leads to binging. But the moment I tell myself that's it, no more sugar for x days... well, go figure!
Questions to ask youself when you have an opportunity to indulge, whether it's a snack or sweet:
- is it something you love?
- do you really, soulfully want it - if this food werenâ€™t in front of you, would you even be thinking about eating it?
- is it something you can eat only HERE and NOW?
Keeping my fingers crossed!

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:55 pm

Hey!

You are doing so well! And I like your words on "mindfulness". Being mindful, as opposed to being on Auto Pilot when we eat or contemplate eating is a wonderful thing!

I agree with you on the sugar. I would like to reduce my consumption of that, but not remove it entirely. Of course, everything processed has some form of sugar or corn syrup in it...I don't see how we could possibly remove sugar entirely from our nutrition plan. Oops--I guess that's where eating less processed foods comes in, huh? Ok, a minor epiphany for Hippy Dippy here.

Congratulations on caring for yourself and your little stow-a-way!

Hippy Dippy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:53 pm

Oh Sinnie sugar is my undoing every time. I wish you luck with it. I think you are right to limit it rather than totally eliminate it. Whatever we can't have makes us obsessed I think

you are so on top of this at the moment. Very impressive

I love your new mantra about not crashing the car. I shall try it tomorrow, as I have been in a lot of pile ups lately!!
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:50 am

Imogen, I really like those questions. I am going to use them. Looking back, I've started to get drinks during the day for comfort, not to tide me over. If I'm getting a beverage out of comfort, fine, but it's got to be low calorie (not very milky or sweet). So, instead of a caramel macchiato, maybe just decaf with a cream or something.

Hippy, thank you for the congrats!!! I agree on the processed foods. Just watched a documentary on the dangers of sugar and it kinda scared me hehe. But it's almost impossible to avoid sugar as its in EVERYTHING we buy. But like you said...perhaps we should be eating less processed foods

Tessy, thank you for being so kind. I certainly don't feel like I'm on top at the moment, as I' haven't had one day this week that's been vanilla green. But I guess I've done well at stopping without binging!! Hope the car analogy will be as useful for you as it is for me.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 5:15 am

Sinnie. I think for those of us who binge, stopping before you binge is the most important thing that can happen. Bingeing is so destructive in every way and you are taming that beast, that is why I feel you are on top of things and I am so impressed and encouraged by you

Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 11:58 am

Weight this morning was 135.5 lbs. I think that's good. I'm seeing my OB on Thursday and I'll ask her opinion. I really have no idea how slow I'm supposed to be gaining.

Treating myself to Tim Horton's for breakfast this morning. I made the plans in my head last night

B: decaf with cream, maple cinnamon bagel with cream cheese, small apple

L: grainy tortilla w/ ham, piece bacon & veg, big plum, small apple, 3 breton crackers, mixture of pecans/walnuts/raisins

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 1:17 pm

Feeling crappy because I snacked last night, small binge I guess. I thought I'd just have some carrots and dip. Turns out, that never never never happens. Up 3 lbs overnight, I didn't think it was that bad. Oh well.

B: tortilla with cheese and salami; 2 small apples; coffee with evap. milk
L: ham, potato, veggies

Got a decaf coffee topped with hot chocolate in between, was getting hungry.

D: plate of cabbage rolls and mashed potatoes. Ever since my mom moved so close she cooks regularly and gives it to me

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:21 pm

Hey Miss Sinnie:

Yes, you snacked last night, which isn't on The Plan. It's not bad, really. It was carrots and dip. Not a full-fledge binge, right? And, comparatively speaking, carrots and dip is much better than, say, cake with a caramel macchiato, right?

For all of us Sisters out there, what would Sinnie's little binge and by extension, our little binges, fall within the driving metaphor? Was it an "oops, took the wrong exit, and just kept driving"? Nope. It was more of a "got in the wrong lane, started into the exit, and then got back into the highway traffic" back on track kind of thing.

Besides, you've got another little being depending on you. That snack probably helped with some part of the development process. I've never been pregnant, but I hear there are cravings. And I like to think the cravings are a signal that your body, your baby is needing an extra nutrient (be it fat, carbs, salt, sugars, amino acids, folic acid...).

And I'll confess, I haven't been green on the Vanilla No S this week--well, I was on Monday. Snacked on Tuesday night (white cheddar popcorn--Oh, My!). Did alright yesterday except the future mother in law brought over fresh apple crunch/pie like dessert. Had that after dinner with vanilla icecream (I'm thinking the vanilla icecream doesn't count as "Vanilla" as far as No S goes.

).

Heh! Well, I'm trying to approach it all with a sense of humor, not guilt. And I'm there for you and all the sisters--hopefully keeping us sane and away from the psychosis of the diet mentality.

Sinnie: you are doing so well! And you're going to be a mama, to boot! How exciting!

Hippy Dippy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 10:21 pm

Hey Hippy,

Unfortunately, carrots and dip is just where is started. LOL It got much worse - cereal, granola bar, crackers and pb, I don't even remember what else!

Thank you for the encouragement though! It truly is appreciated! that fresh apple crunch pie thing sounds sooooo good.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:13 pm

Okay I really wanted to snack i.e. binge right now, it's 7pm and I feel hungry or really just snacky. Long day and still stuff to do. I made a hot chocolate, with some decaf added in, and its sooo good. Just sweet enough, a bit creamy and foamy....I think it may do the trick!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:47 am

Sinnie I'm feeling really snack prone today too--something must be in the air!

Just wondering if you need to add a 4th smaller plate in the evenings since you said you eat a pretty early dinner? Also with the pregnancy you might need to eat a little more often then the rest of us?

Hopefully the hot chocolate did the trick but just thought I'd put that out there as a suggestion in case!

I hope tomorrow goes well. It's almost sat yay!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 5:31 am

Hi Sinnie. Hope the hot chocolate helped and you made it through the day ok. I was also wondering if perhaps you needed a fourth plate, a planned nourishing little something. This definitely helped me stave of plummeting in to a binge when I tried it before and because it is planned it is still noS. We have to work with our circumstances, I was trying to heal after an operation and needed a little more, you are growing another little person !! I found planning was safer than getting too hungry, just a thought

you are doing so well, this might just tide you over. Have a good day today, tomorrow Saturday hooray!!
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:17 pm

Thanks guys. Usually I eat enough at meals that I don't get hungry again, but yesterday my breakfast and lunch were smaller which I think caused the hunger. I ended up binging quite a bit. Maybe on those days as you said a fourth meal would be a good idea!

I asked the doctor about weight gain and she was very nonchalant about it. She looked at my starting weight of about 120 lbs and asked my height (5'2.5). She said I started off at a normal weight so about 25-30 lbs. She said it's not like you need to gain a certain amount each week..it's like the stock market, you're looking for the overall trend to be in that range of 25-30. And that was it.

This morning my weight dropped back down after that weird 3 lb weight gain, and despite the binge. Whatever, scale!

This morning is a day off for the students and a professional development day for the teachers. So I am treating myself to a coffee & muffin they are providing from Tim Hortons. I was going to have one this week and when I found out they will be here on Friday morning, I decided to wait out for it. Not the healthiest breakfast choice, but I've never done this before.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:30 pm

Sinnie, I know it's all perspective but going by the numbers, it doesn't sound like you have much of a weight problem. It sounds like you are just really unhappy with your eating habits though so that's where sticking with NoS will be really helpful.

Muffins seem perfectly reasonable for breakfast to me! Try to enjoy your pregnancy and listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs! If you do that within the constraints of NoS (plates) I bet you will reach a very healthy pregnancy weight.

Hang in there & yes scale numbers fluctuate daily. Habit is dependable.

Linda

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:45 am

Hey Linda, it's true I don't really have a weight problem. I did gain a few pounds before getting pregnant due to the stress of infertility for over a year. I really felt that weight gain - on a short person every pound seems to shift the fit of your clothes. It was only about 7 lbs approx but I was upset about it. Didn't really care at the time too much as my plate was full with other things.

The muffin was TERRIBLE. I didn't even finish it. I wished I had chosen a different flavour. I got the pumpkin spice one, and it was so incredibly sweet it was cake. I found it disgusting, not enjoyable at all and ate maybe 2/3. I'd have been much better off with their regular blueberry! Oh well, sometimes we look forward to these things more than their pleasure actually derives.

For lunch I had 2 cabbage rolls, 2 pb cracker sandwiches, and a grapefruit.

For dinner I had perogies, cucumber soup and a green shake.

Later at night I had a few nuts, 1/2 thin bagel with butter, handful of cereal, few swallows of milk.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:27 pm

I totally get it Sinnie. I'd be annoyed with 7 lbs no matter what I weighed.

Sounds like yesterday went pretty well. Hope you have a great weekend!

Linda

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 1:00 am

At my all time high, I was around 140 or so. Over time, through watching what I ate and at some point doing a half-essed No S, I managed to get down to 120 lbs, and then through a more concerted No S effort, to about 114. Then bounced back up to 120 or 122, and got pregnant. I never go hungry and more or less try to follow No S which is seeming to be a pretty reasonable way to put on weight without it being excessive. Was 135.5 this morning.

Today went very good actually! Probably one of the best weekend days I've had in awhile. I didn't think much about food at all.

B: breakfast sandwich (bacon, egg, cheese, tomato on english muffin YUM), 1/2 pbj sandwich, small apple, pieces banana

L: Harvey's veggie burger and fries. Amazing how gross fast food actually is. Very "artificial" as DH put it. But filled me up so much I wasn't even hungry for dinner.

D: spinach salad with pecans, craisins, green apple; small bit of rice and chicken.

I made pumpkin pecan maple cheesecake for Thanksgiving tomorrow!!! There was too much batter so I made a few extra mini cheesecakes in a muffin tin. I had no desire at all to have any but I was SO PARANOID that I overbaked the cheesecake and that it wasn't sweet enough... So I tried a mini one to see how it tasted and it was actually good. A bit of milk and that's it for tonight! Feeling great that I'm not stuffed, a bit full yes.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:45 am

Oh Sinnie. That all sounds so brilliant. Pumpkin pecan maple cheesecake sounds completely divine. How you didn't scoff the lot I shall never know. You are doing soooo well

you have just had such a good day, lovely food but no bingeing and setting yourself up nicely for a wonderful thanksgiving, you are a star

just think next year you will be cooking for your little one too

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:19 am

Yay Sinnie--you're doing great! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Linda

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Oct 14, 2013 2:19 pm

Thank you guys! It was very good. I ate, well, what I wanted to I guess. Dinner wasn't too much - I got full very quickly. Dessert I had a piece of cheesecake and two Purdy's chocolates. I couldn't also have the room for pie so I just had a bite of DH's. I was full at the time but before bed ended up having a sandwich with some fresh bun and deli meat. Go figure!

Woke up feeling good this morning. Weight is 137 lbs which sounds awesome given it was Thanksgiving.

B: breakfast sandwich (couldnt quite finish), some OJ, and a pumpkin cheesecake (cupcake size) - no topping.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Oct 15, 2013 9:43 pm

B: cereal with fruit, toast with pb
L: deli sandwich, small apple, pecans/raisins, low sugar juice box, banana
D: big bowl barley/veg/ham soup, some beef & turkey, spinach salad and mini pumpkin cheesecake (no topping)

I really am enjoying and having great success now with combining calorie counting in my three meals (very rough estimates, a whole three minutes of my day just like Imogen Morley mentioned too). I don't do it every day but weekdays more so. It helps me eat big filling meals, and no binging. I dunno...we'll see! I'm open to whatever

EDIT: I went to a pre-natal class last night and they made me all scared about nutrition. I went home and had a bowl of cereal with 2% milk and a piece of bread with peanut butter. Finished off with a couple bites of cheesecake

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 16, 2013 1:24 pm

B: flat bagel with herb cream cheese; banana; decaf cafe au lait

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:25 pm

Sinnie don't be scared about the nutrition stuff you are eating very carefully and thoughtfully. Listen to your body and be kind to yourself. You are trying very hard to eat well, lots of veggies and fruit. Plenty of protein. Unlike a lot of others In your position you are not filling up on snacks, candies, crisps and sweets through the week. Your doing ok

trust yourself. You've got this covered

Tessy

Everyday Systems

Sinnie's 2013 Check in

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Good Job, Sinnie!

It isn't a sin : )