Everyday Systems

Yay for a great party, but most importantly, yay for how brave you were to invite people and take social risks! Super stuff!

Wow, Auto, you really 'get it'! I totally agree, Linda, that taking social risks and making that party was just awesome! I didn't mention it on my thread about the last minute guests, but it was totally a big thing for me too, to have adult guests. Two thumbs up - to hospitality and being social!

Linda, there's nothing like a successful party! Sounds like both you and the girls are launched! Good for you!

Well done Linda! Hope the baby shower was fun too.

Thank you all so much! Definitely proud of myself for putting myself out there. It'll be so much easier to get my girls together with their friends now that I've met some if their parents so was well worth it. I think I'll make this a yearly tradition.

Baby shower was kind of a bust but still glad I went.


Green Day

Break: 1/2 muffin, toast w pb, mocha
Mocha
Lunch: salad, Chinese food, rice, apple
Dinner: sushi, coke (out if d coke)

Exercise: rowing 20 mins

AM: green

I am a big fan of yearly traditions - it's a wonderful idea and makes me think about what yearly tradition I would like to start

20 minutes of rowing is AWESOME!!

Moving this to my thread so as not to offend anyone:

I guess we all have different goals as far as NoS is concerned. I think most women are far too aware of calorie content and know exactly which foods are more calorie dense than others. I still have a lots of caloric amounts memorized.

For me, I'd love to lose weight but not willing to do spend inordinate amounts of time on that anymore. If I had to count one more calorie or fat gram or anything else at this point I think I'd just rebel on the spot. NoS is my compromise between total rebellion & total control. For me it's realistic & sustainable and has helped me to make peace with food since for the first time (been dieting since I was 10).

That's my priority and it I can't lose weight in this moderate & sane way than so be it. Some people may have the energy for calorie counting and other mods and that's fine. I do not and I guess I feel making losing weight more important than my peace of mind and balanced life is just not something I'm okay with doing to myself anymore.

Okay just needed to clarify my thinking on this.

Lpearlmom wrote:
That's my priority and if I can't lose weight in this moderate & sane way than so be it.

Love this!

Just yesterday I was thinking about how long I've been NoSing. WAY longer than any diet I've ever tried (those usually lasted a few days or few weeks). I think it would be scary to be depriving myself and wondering, "how long can I keep this up?" With regular mealtimes and moderate-sized meals, I find myself thinking, "Please don't make me give this up!" Quite a difference, and a lovely one at that.

So true auto. I guess truth be told, occasionally I do feel resentful that I have to be on any kind of plan at all but something compels me to just keep going with this. Wether it's habit or commitment or what it's hard to tell but I do kind of feel like there's just no better option for me. I really have tried everything and, like you, this is the only thing that has felt sustainable to me.

Anyway green day:

Break: omelet, toast, oj
Nonfat mocha
Lunch: Chinese chicken salad, little yogurt, fruit
Dinner: Asian meatballs, pasta w cheese & broccoli, bread

Exercise: 20 mins rowing machine

AM: green, I did some reading on positive parenting today & realized I've been focusing too much on the negative lately. I need to be more proactive, affectionate, loving and caring with my kids.

Linda, I had to laugh about your parenting comment (be more proactive, affectionate. la la la). So true, right, but please remind me of those lofty goals while one kid is whining about being hungry and another one won't leave me alone while I try to go to the bathroom. Just tonight, i tried to escape to take a shower, and both boys were screaming at me through the shower curtain about who had had too many jelly beans for dessert (and yes, my husband was home).

My favorite comment recently was when jw told us her mom lost her temper every day, and that the kids either respected that she was right, or just let it roll of their backs. That had me smiling for a day or two.

All that said, I think you're doing awesome working on your patience with Zoe (and Talia....). Parenting is this funny thing where we work our tails off to improve and do a good job, but we also need to have permission to be.... human? or something like that!

I saw my post from when this was all being discussed and I couldn't understand what I was trying to say! I'm deleting it.

Kids! Right?

Lpearlmom wrote:Moving this to my thread so as not to offend anyone:

Didn't want to repeat it all here but could have quoted every word - hear hear! I wholeheartedly agree with it and think it's a great testament to the sanity of NoS.

"Some people may have the energy for calorie counting and other mods and that's fine. I do not and I guess I feel making losing weight more important than my peace of mind and balanced life is just not something I'm okay with doing to myself anymore."

Yep -- this is where I am, too. I am having some mods forced upon me by health issues, but as you say, Linda, that's a different story. And No S has been such good training in flexibility within a secure framework! It has become my rock!

Auto: ugh..that sounds like a yellable moment for sure. I think it's unrealistic to think we'll never yell but it's not so much the volume of my voice I'm trying to work on but rather the words I choose to say in anger.

I think that's the difference between something that's easily recovered from or brushed off easily by kids and something that can have long term, damaging effects. I love the story JW told too because it shows that kids are more resilient than we sometimes imagine them to be.

As far as wanting to be more loving & affection I think I've fallen into the bad habit of mostly giving my children negative attention when they need correction. The last couple of days I've made a real effort to let my kids (& hubby) how great I think they are. Boy does it change the general mood of our household. Yay!

Thank you for the support JW & eschano! Great to know we're on the same page!

Linda

Dear Linda I return to the boards and read your posts with awe. You are an amazing woman and a fab mum
I agree so much about the calories stuff . When I fell ill and I knew life had to change it was noS that was there for me. I trust it and I value it so much. It is not easy to do at times but many of the best things are not!! I need to be at peace with my food so that my body can heal and be at peace too. Like JW I have to have some mods. Some foods are just too inflamatory to my system. But I feel secure in my ways now. Would not change. Dropping away from from counting calories to counting plates has been a life changer for me. Whether I lose weight or not. It has calmed me. Your journey has always been a strong encouragement to that process thank you

Thank you Tessy!!! I've really missed having you around here, but I knew (or at least hoped) you'd be back when you were ready.

Green day today but yesterday I took an S day for no particular reason other than I was starting to feel a little burnt out. I didn't eat all that much but enjoyed a little non structured eating. Today was happy to be back to a regular N day.

Break: oatmeal, fruit, mocha
Lunch: salad, cup of soup, mocha
Dinner: pizza-- 3 pieces

Exercise: 14 mins row

So happy my mom flew in today. She's going to watch the girls for us while we go to sedona for the weekend. We're staying in a cabin by a creek, going hot air ballooning sat morning and to dinner that night. First time we've gone away without the girls in 4 yrs--yay!!!

Cool stuff! Sounds like you are going to have an awesome Valentine's Day Weekend!

And very wise (in my opinion) to take an S Day when you're feeling like you're so burnt out.

Hope your weekend away is awesome, Linda!

Hi Linda, your mochas still keeping you steady, brilliant reminded me I need to sustain myself to and have milky drink like you suggested to me once.
Have a brilliant time away, floating above it all should be so wonderful. Wishing you joy and fun
Tessy

Oh, wow, Sedona! That is where I proposed to my DH. A perfect Valentines Day place. Enjoy!

Hi Linda--do tell, how was the hot air balloon ride?!

Thanks all for the well wishes!!

We had an amazing time. We had a creek side cabin made of stone. The hot air balloon ride was wonderful. We took off during beautiful sunrise and floated for over an hour over the desert surrounded by sedona's magnificent red rocks. So peaceful and awe inspiring! When we landed, the served us a champagne breakfast and then drove us back to our cabin.

It was only 9am when we got back but I was pretty beat and figured on snuggling up with a good book. DH had other plans and somehow he talked me into renting two ATVs. Despite my nervousness, I ended up having a great time. We rode on dirt trails, some quite rocky, for over four hours. Stopping only once to split a sub sandwich we had brought with us. Was a an exhilarating experience!

Then we went home, showered, rested and then went to L'auberge for a six course dinner. We eat out a lot so have pretty high standards but was definitely one of the best meals I've eaten plus we managed to polish off two bottles of wine--oh dear!!

Overall, was a successful trip. Was great to see DH so happy & relaxed and nice to reconnect with him. It's so cliche but we definitely let the kids and day to day stuff be the bulk of our interactions. We forget sometimes that we're best friends and our adventure this weekend brought back all those old feelings.

Eating was was good. Too busy to overeat and what I did was worthwhile! The ATV ride made me remember all the fun stuff there is to do that gets you exercise without you realizing it. Boy were DH and I sore the next day. (We stood a lot of the time).

I've decided to do mark bittman's vb6 (vegan before 6:00). Here's my plan:

Mon-fri--
Break & lunch vegan w minimally processed foods; 1 plate each.
Dinner: regular 1plate w minimally processed foods

Sat-sun
Vegan b4 6:00 but don't have to keep to 1 plate. Processed foods okay. Mochas okay (even though not vegan).

Okay, I need to go catch up on what everyone else is up to!

Linda

Anger management: finally got 21 days straight so get to pick a new habit to work on out of my bag tomorrow--yay!

Oh Linda, what a beautiful weekend! Love that you reconnected.

Sounds like a fantastic weekend, Linda! And I'll be interested in the vegan before 6 plan. I also tried to live vegetarian some years back, but didn't thrive -- caught a lot of colds, for example -- so I was obviously not getting something I needed, though I loved all the veggies. Good luck with it!

Wow, sounds like a wonderful and romantic weekend. So glad you could have such a nice break!

Thanks all--was so nice to spend quality time together!

JW the vegan thing will be interesting. I was a vegetarian for 5yrs but gets hard to maintain once you're living with meat eaters. Plus I missed having the odd hamburger. I like the vb6 plan because I can still eat meat during our main family meal so just more realistic.

Bittman's plan reminds me a lot of NoS. It's realistic and moderate. He says to fully expect failures but that it's about a long term commitment of better health without having to completely give up certain foods. He also talks about how your daytime habits will start to carry over into nighttime. Sound familiar?

I just feel like I've been eating too much meat and processed food. I'm not philosophically opposed to either but am curious to see what this plan will do to my weight and health. We shall see!

Break: whole grain toast with hummus & tomato, fruit, mocha
Lunch: veg sandwich w advocado, hummus snack pack, banana
Dinner: plate of pei Wei (Asian food)

My mocha wasn't technically vegan. I didn't use milk but the mocha powder I use has dried milk in it. Tomorrow I'll go to the store and get soy milk & organic chocolate syrup.

Exercise: none--kids were home, had to take mom to airport (hmmm what other excuses can I come up with?:).

Oh btw, DH apparently has so much fun on the ATV that he had to go out and buy one today. As if we don't already have enough vehicles!

Lpearlmom wrote:Oh btw, DH apparently has so much fun on the ATV that he had to go out and buy one today. As if we don't already have enough vehicles!

That made me laugh! Hilarious and good for him.

Thank you so much for your fantastic advice on my thread Linda, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Also, I might look into Vegan before 6 I'm thinking I'm getting too little veg in at the moment.

well, I have to say, your first vegan day sounds delicious, Linda!

Your food looks yummy Linda. Good luck with it. I am mainly vegetarian. But now added in some fish for my joints. Vegan before six is very doable, and seems like a great idea off you. I love the way the mocha has held on though

Np eschano! Definitely look into the vb6. I'm really enjoying it (so far!).

Thanks JW! Definitely not going to do this if the food doesn't taste good! I like so many types of foods though so it's easy for me to eat a limited diet and still be enjoyable. Seems like you might be the same way & that's why adjusting to a gluten-free diet isn't too trying for you.

Tessy I noticed you ate vegetarian. Your meals always look so healthy & delish at the same time. Seems like you've got this veg thing down. Good idea to add some fish though! And yes the mochas keep me sane!

Today was green & went well. No exercise again. Had a friend come over in the morning & ran around making sure the house looked perfect. Ah well!

Break: multi- grain bagel w pb & marmalade. Soy mocha
Lunch: veg pad Thai, hummus w pita chips, apple
Soy mocha
Dinner: baked cod, mashed potatoes, artichoke, strawberries

I think I'm only going to do the vb6 mon-fri. I think it's important I get a complete break from all my diligence on S days.

Well I decided to take jws advice re: my kids fighting which also incorporates autos advice about not singling out one kid. This is important because I think I tend to favor the youngest one when they are fighting and my oldest naturally resents it. This makes her more angry with her sister and the cycle continues.

Anyway I found this great article:
http://alysonschafer.com/ways-to-ignore ... bandoning/

It's short but powerful. I implemented it three times today and wow, impressive results. The first time, my girls stared fighting I said "I really don't want to be around this, I'm going for coffee call me when the house is a peaceful place". Too tired to go into it right now but I'm feeling really good about this so thanks JW & auto for the inspiration.

I have ordered the VB6 book and will start in March. I will also follow your example and aim for Mon-Fri, although I will aim for Vegetarian as I like my morning coffee with milk. You're such an inspiration!

Also, well done on the sibling fighting! That was a fast result

Oh cool eschano--I'm excited you're going to give vb6 a try! I got the kindle version but kind of wish I got the paper version instead since it'd be a little easier to flip back & forth between different sections. I think I might go to the bookstore & check out his other vb6 book which is just recipes.

Thanks re: my kids fighting. I think moving myself out of the equation is key. This morning I was doing Talia's hair & they started going at each other. I just said "do I need to leave, because I really don't want to be around this?" They quickly said "no,no we'll stop!" And that was the end of the fighting for the rest of the morning! Pure Bliss!

You mean it really worked?! That's fantastic! Maybe I wouldn't have done so badly as a mom after all!

Hi Linda. I have a lot of vegan friends and am often vegan as I like to keep cheese to only one day or two. I eat lot of tofu, nuts, peas beans and lentils, soya ( although soya milk or tofu rather than made up soya products). I try to eat some protein at each meal even if it is soya milk. But mainly lots of veggies and fruit. I am not crazy about bread, although I am called the bread fairy by my friends because I make bread every week to share. Being vegan is very healthy if you eat well and watch your vitamin B12. But as you are eating more widely at weekends and evening that should not be a problem. Enjoy your food

Like a charm JW! And I think you'd make a great mom! Youre welcome to watch my kids anytime!;)

Last night, for instance, they started fighting during story time so I just got up calmly and said "come get me when you've resolved this, I really don't want to be around this right now".

I went in my room and not but 5 mins later did I hear a knock at my door. Zoe said "it's all better, you can come back now". I praised her and we finished the story without further issues. No drama, no tears--yay!!

Today they actually didn't fight at all. This is virtually unheard of in our house. The dynamics seem to be changing for the better.

Thanks for the tips & encouragement Tessy. I'm really loving this way of eating. Seems like a good fit for me!

Break: muesli w/ rice milk, 1/2 banana, soy mocha
Lunch: 1/2 roasted veggie sandwich, (no cheese) w pesto; cup of tomato soup
Soy mocha
Dinner: pasta w garlic cream sauce, olive bread, salad with goat cheese, roasted red peppers & macadamia nuts, sangria

Boy was I hungry between lunch & dinner!! I think eating less fat means I get hungry quicker. It's okay though, I made it & sure my body will adjust.

I feel like my body might finally be letting go of a little more weight. After my initial drop in weight, my body hadn't changed much for a good while. All of the sudden my face looks much thinner & things just feel a little different. Hard to know for sure sicnr I don't weigh but feeling pretty good about things!

Exercise: 14 mins row machine

I love it! They're growing up right before your eyes -- in the best possible sense of the word. Some people NEVER learn this!

What a great post, Linda! Great news about your girls, and also about your body readjusting to a new lower set point!

Thanks JW & auto. It is pretty exciting to finally see some progress in this area. No fighting again today but I think mostly because they were too busy. They both had friends over today (looks like my party efforts paid off!) and then T went straight to karate.

Today was good overall:

Break: vegan oat muffin, soy mocha
Lunch: veg & avocado sandwich, veg pad Thai, banana
Dinner: grilled chicken, beans, rice, corn tortillas, salsa

Exercise: none

Linda, such amazing progress with your girls!! You are awesome!! You figured out a way to give over your values, not get involved, and encourage them to get along, all with one short comment and the very clear action of walking away. Unbelievable!! I love it!!

Great on the healthy eating! Enjoy your veggies!

Thank you so much chani!! Another day without fighting. I know they will continue to fight of course but it's so great to finally have a working solution in place.


Break: vegan muffin, soy mocha
Lunch: boca burger, couple fries
Soy mocha
Dinner: grilled chicken, rice & beans, corn tortillas, veggies
2 wine coolers

Exercise: none ( get back on track next week)

Glad that the V-Day party paid off. I remember reading about that and thinking how freaking hard you were working to set that up!

Ugh I feel ill! Weird because today was the first S day I really wanted just three meals instead of just thinking I should want it. Today was more about The quality instead of quantity. After my week of light eating, my body is just really unhappy with all the fatty foods I ate today. Ah well, lesson learned.

Break: bagel w cream cheese & lox, mocha w whipped cream
S: 1 truffle
Lunch: too much popcorn, d coke
S: a couple Reese's pieces
Dinner: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, biscuits, sweet tea
D: pie w ice cream

Girls started to fight, I told them to come get me outside when they had resolved the issue and 5 mins later they came and got me. Hurray! They even played for two straight hrs and had a blast. I came and joined them & praised them for being so peaceful. Such a relief to be able to enjoy them again!

Yes, auto the party really paid off. Today Zoe got invited to the movies by one of the little girls who came to the party and Talia got invited on a play date Friday afternoon. Hurray! Also, both their moms were super nice too.

I had a little reaction to all the movie popcorn last week, too, Linda -- hope today went better in the enjoyment department!

Yeah JW I love popcorn but will need to make sure I don't overdo it next time.

I feel like my whole day was centered around food. I spent the whole day shopping for food, cooking and then cleaning up afterward! Was fun, especially making cake with the girls, but I nibbled too much and am exhausted.

Break: muffin, soy mocha
Lunch: nibbles while cooking, hunk of bread w butter, olives
Dinner: tri-tip with chimichurri sauce, twice baked potatoes, prosciutto wrapped asparagus
D: Texan sheet cake (came out SO good!)

Another good day w my girls!

So looking forward to my N days!

Sounds like a really special weekend.

Thanks auto.

Break: muesli w rice milk, banana, soy mocha
Lunch: double boca burger on ww bread w tomato & avocado, few chips w salsa, soy mocha
Dinner: ww pasta w pistachios & arugula, antipasto, bread, another soy mocha

Exercise: row 20 mins

Too much coffee today but other than that a good day. The difference between S & N days feels even more drastic now that I'm doing vb6. I just feel so much better eating like this. My ex-hippy mom will be so pleased I've gone back to my roots.

Girls were great today. They had one big fight after school. I told them how much it hurt me to see them like this and I was going to go for coffee. (They're old enough to alone for short periods). I almost lost my nerve because they were going at it pretty bad as I left but by the time I got to Starbucks they called me & said they'd made up.

The rest of the night went so smoothly. I'm feeling so much closer to them now that I'm not yelling at them on a daily basis (my previous way of dealing w their fights). I'm so much less tense around them because I know I have a way to handle potential fighting.

I'm suppose to go to ikea w a friend tomorrow. It should be interesting trying to keep vegan for lunch but I'll just do my best.

Wow Linda, you're doing so well! It is amazing what a difference it makes to find a way to deal with your girls' fighting. What an astonishing result.

Also, your food sounds yummy. And thanks for stopping by my thread. I've made two vegetarian meals yesterday and even my boyfriend was happy to have a veggie dinner (I had prosciutto for breakfast so kind of did it the other way around).

Linda, I think it's cool that finding more peace with your girls has affected your whole frame of mind. They're a huge part of your life and so that makes sense, but it is really neat to see your peace kind of ooze across the web.

Ikea sounds fun! But, hmmm, I always get the spaghetti and meatballs. Do they have anything else there?!

And, like eschano said, your meals are incredible. You really go all out to put delicious, healthy, and eye-appealing food on the table for your family, don't you? I bet you light candles and put on meal-matching music, too!

I love reading about the progress with your girls, Linda! You can relax and enjoy them now -- and they are learning great relationship skills. Are they eating vegan as well? or is that just for you?

You are doing amazing with your girls and your meals and your exercise! Good going!!!

Thank you all you're so sweet & encouraging. I really appreciate it.

Eschano, glad you're having fun experimenting w veg meals. I just feel so much better eating like this but could never go full vegan so this has been great for me. Funny about the prosciutto because that's the only non vegan thing I ate yesterday but it was at night. Definitely a fav.

Auto: had fun at ikea. Got a bunch of stuff to do up an Art Room for the girls. We ended up running out of time so didn't eat there. Thank you about my meals. I got tired of making stuff the girls didn't eat so came up w a system to take some of the responsibility off of me. Now I write abut 30 main courses, starches, and vegetables on index cards and each week everyone picks a meal from the deck. (One main, one starch, one veg).

I like to cook but sometimes it's a pain. I guess I like the end result best of all so it's worth it to me. And no candles or music unless we have guests. We have a beautiful dining room with a table that's always set, but mostly we eat around the kitchen island and for a treat I even let them eat in front of the tv. So sometimes the food is kind of fancy but we rarely are!

JW: I'm only eating vegan for break & lunch mon-fri. Since I rarely eat those meals w the girls, they just eat normally. The summer might be a different story though. We shall see!

Chani: thanks for your encouragement!!


Break: 2 pieces ww toast w almond butter & honey, honeydew melon.
Lunch: boca burger w tomato, grilled veggies, few olives, smoothie
Soy mocha
Dinner: chili, skillet cornbread w jalapeños, corn chips, sangria

Love making my chili because it's one of the few things we all love. So happy I finally found a good cornbread recipe. Thank you Martha!

Exercise: none oops
Girls: great!

It's always such a pleasure to read your thread.

As for going veggie for 2 out of 3 meals a day: I didn't start out with that intention but that saves a lot of money!

Aww thanks eschano!!

Break: muesili w rice milk, fruit, soy mocha
Lunch: ww pasta, Cajun baked tofu, grilled veggies
Soy mocha
Dinner: sweet potato & black bean burrito, chips & salsa, 1 sangria

Exercise: 14 mins row

Girls: Zoe was a roller coaster of emotions today, but got through it somehow without even raising my voice. Pre-teen hormones here we come! Oh well we went to bed w kisses & hugs so it's all good.

That's so sweet, Linda! Your girls are so lucky to have you for their mom!

Cajun baked tofu and not raising your voice. Both are awesome!!

Hi
Linda. You are so impressive with your vegan plan, you are eating some yummy sounding stuff. I hope your enjoying your mocha with soy as much as before. I know your mocha has seen you through many tough patches
Are you vegan in the day at weekends?

Thank you auto, chani & Tessy. It's funny how overcoming my eating issues has carried over into other areas of my life. I think perhaps it's given me confidence to tackle other areas of my life.

I used to try to make these big sweeping changes in all areas of my life (esp diet) but of course they never stuck. Now I'm learning real change comes from small, consistent effort over long periods of time. Not quite as exciting or dramatic but oh so powerful.

Tessy: I was going to eat vegan for break & lunch on the weekends too but decided I should take a complete break on the weekends for better weekday compliance. Funny though my body might decide differently. It seems to be much happier with the vegan dishes.

I had a big appetite today for some reason. Stuck to three plates but ate more than usual.

Break: oatmeal w fruit, soy yogurt, rice bar, mocha
Lunch: Cajun tofu, sweet potato & bean burrito, chips & salsa, apple
Dinner: BBQ grilled chicken sandwich w bacon & cheese, fries, couple chips & dip (was jealous of my kids afternoon snack so promised myself some for dinner.)

My body was not happy w my dinner choice. Too much of an abrupt change I guess.

Exercise: 14 mins row

Feeling a little annoyed about what I got myself into for tomorrow. My friend asked if Zoe could play w her daughter tomorrow. Since she had Zoe over last time, I felt obligated to ask her to play here. Of course that meant I had to find someone for Talia to play with so I asked her bf from her old school. I felt obligated to invite the friends little sister too who is cute but high maintenance. The mom said yes for both. Since the mom has to work tomorrow , I offered to pick up the girls from school & keep them for dinner too. Ack! Sounds like a lot of work all of the sudden! Oh well, we'll relax sat.

Lpearlmom wrote: Now I'm learning real change comes from small, consistent effort over long periods of time. Not quite as exciting or dramatic but oh so powerful.

Very well put!

As for the girls: I hate sliding into obligations but you know it will pay off when you need your girls taken care off. Building a community there, aren't you?

Hi Linda!
Love your post. I totally relate to previously making sweeping changes, but now making little changes and sticking with them long-term is your goal. And isn't it great how you are building your confidence? I love seeing that! You are changing..... and it's thanks to little changes over a long time.

And re: the girls, I have to think that although today will be tiring, it's the kind of tiring that helps lots in the long run. Imagine as your girls get older and they and their friends are comfortable hanging out at your house. You will be keeping them under your roof, serving them great food and knowing what they're up to. You're such a good mom!!!

Thanks auto & eschano! You guys are right. The girls are so happy to have friends over and their moms very appreciative.

I picked up some take & bake pizzas so dinner will be easy and I'm actually relaxing in my room while all the kids are off playing somewhere. Not bad!

These are friends from their old, old Montessori school. I used to have to drive 30 mins ea way. We don't go there anymore but ironically have now moved close to that school. Anyway we've reconnected with those old friends and they're all a great group of people. I definitely want to do things to support that social network. Thx for reminding me of the importance of that auto & eschano.

Break: oatmeal w fruits & nuts, mocha
Lunch: cup of tomato soup, multi-grain bagel, kind bar, soy mocha (I don't mind the soy at all Tessy!)
Dinner: (will be) pizza, salad, sangria

Exercise: none--Fridays I volunteer at girls school in the morning. I seem to have a hard time fitting in exercise when I have morning commitments. Need to work on this!


Update: play date definitely paid off. Both girls got invited to sleepover tomorrow night. Woohoo--date night here we come!

Need chocolate--badly!!!

Perfect day to need chocolate badly! I hope you find some high-quality delicious chocolates to enjoy.

Overdid it a little bit but enjoyed all of it so no regrets.

Break: couple donuts, triple mocha
Lunch: few bites of this & that
Dots, a chocolate truffle
Dinner: went out for Thai, 2 glasses of wine
Dessert: couple bites of cake, ice cream w fudge

Girls at sleepovers. Relaxing while listening to the rain!!!

Hi Linda sounds like an enjoyable day. You highlight one of my favourite aspects of S days ' a few bits of this & that'! I really miss nibbling the odd olive or having a few grapes or a strawberry on my noS days. But it has to be done or I will go off the rails. But on weekends it is nibbling without guilt that I enjoy the most I suppose.
People pay for relaxation tapes that play background rain!!

Your day sounds lovely, Linda.

Thx Tessy & auto. I overdid it again today but just think I need these days as a kind of release. I'm not good at being good 100% of the time.

Today was a weird day. I picked up my youngest daughter from her sleepover &'she was over the top whiny. I was trying to fix my friend who just got out of the hospital a lasagna & my dd kept whining about how bored she was. I lost my patience w her big time.

I feel so much pressure when I cook for other people because of my culinary certificate. I worry people will be disappointed. Silly I know. Anyway I apologized to my dd for my outburst & told her I guess I learned something about myself today. She said yeah "that you shouldn't try to do nice things for people". We both had a good laugh about it.

Ate too much to write down today but definitely glad tomorrow is an N day.

Linda, I love your relationship with your girls. There is never a doubt about how much you all love each other. It's really inspirational (and just human to snap sometimes).

Sounds like somebody needed a nap! (DD, of course -- sleepovers often have precious little sleep involved!) But it also sounds like you two are both on the same wave length these days -- that was a cute exchange!

I second what jw said -- tired, tired kids make for push-mom-over-the-edge cranky. I think jw may actually be Mary Poppins and just is not telling us. Or maybe her job is actually on Nanny 911.

And Linda--oh, if you would ever cook for me...... I would never in a million years criticize. The thing about people that don't cook that much is that we are so GRATEFUL when someone makes us a meal. We are not picky....maybe your friend that you made the lasagne for is like that, in which case i'm sure she was thrilled to get that food!!

And, I've often noticed that when I get my kids back from any kind of a break (few as they are) I'm annoyed and out of patience in no time at all. Anyway, like everybody said, it sounds like you handled it like the champ you are!

Thanks eschano, you're so sweet. My girls are definitely my whole world. I know parents aren't suppose to do that & I'm sure when the time comes I'll be experiencing some intense empty nest syndrome, but I can't help it!

JW & auto you're so right about the sleepover crankiness. (I was thinking the same thing about JW-- great insight into kids!) I should have been prepared for it but this particular mom usually puts them to bed super early. I guess my clue should have been when she said " I don't know when they went to sleep, I told them I was going to bed at 9 & they were still up".

Anyway thanks for the encouragement on cooking auto. This friend is a pretty good cook actually but I'm sure she's just happy to have a home cooked meal. She's got three little kids and just came home from the hospital for some blood clotting issues. In fact she can't really cook as she's not allowed to use sharp knives for 6 months.

I made a double batch so did taste it and it was pretty good although maybe a tad bit under-seasoned. The fact that DH went back for three servings tells me it was at least edible.

Boy am I annoyed at myself for over-doing it this weekend. Saturday was kind of fun but Sunday was just too much and am only just now starting to feel better. I'm really trying to think about my S days. I spent some time thinking about what I really miss on my N days.

I decided I miss having dessert with my family and being able to have chocolate when the mood strikes me. The rest of it are just things I think I miss but cause me nothing but grief in reality. It's an illusion. Why do I want to do that to myself? Next weekend I'm going to try adding those to my normal three plates and see how it feels.

Well today was good other than recovering from a wild weekend. Felt so good to eat healthy, wholesome foods in a balanced way.

Break: muesli w almond milk & berries, soy mocha
Lunch: corn tortillas w beans & salsa, apple, vegan bar
Dinner: chicken & dumplings, steamed artichokes, glass of sangria

Exercise: 14 mins of jumping around in front of the tv

Ah Linda, if your friend isn't allowed to cook and usually home-cooks her meals she'll be thrilled to get your lasagne. What a lovely thing to do!

I understand what you're saying about S days. For me it's all about asking myself if I'll actually enjoy that. One of the things I miss on N days is tastings. I love going to the farmers market and taste some of the food before buying it so I really enjoy that on S days. And post-meal desserts. Less enjoyable: random snacks and random desserts.

So many times I have eaten too much on the weekend! You're not alone! I'm happiest when I just have my three regular meals with a couple sweets. I hate the feeling of being too full and not having an appetite for my next meal!

Mmm ... Homemade lasagna I haven't had that in ages, sounds so good! Would you make me some, please??

I know sweetness! S days are so tricky for me. Up to now I think I've needed them as a kind of release but maybe now at the point that I can instill some structure into them without feeling cheated. I'll experiment till I can find a good solution!

Happy to make it for you anytime sweetness! My friend sent me the sweetest text about how much she loved & appreciated the dinner so it's all good.

Weird day. Possibly red but not sure.

Break: ww toast w almond butter, muesli w almond milk
Soy mocha
Lunch: baked potato w salsa, Cajun tofu, watermelon
Dinner: chicken sandwich, fries, 1/2 kids burger.

was starving and ordered a chicken sandwich & fries from sonic. When I saw how small the sandwich & fries were, I decided to virtually plate something else w it afterwards. I was thinking possibly fruit but then dd didn't want the other 1/2 of her burger so I ate that plus the 4 fries she left. Felt okay but usually I never eat anything unless predetermined it. Oh well, not going to sweat it!!

Exercise: 20 mins rowing--yay!

Well, if you want to hear my 5 pence: it's definitely a green day if it fits on a plate and was neither a sweet, second, nor snack. Predetermined or not.

You had predetermined you needed more food...... Doesn't matter that it wasn't fruit. All green, Reinhard would call it "funny stuff".

Definite green day. Enjoying food with friends, lovely. I am trying to have a little structure on my S days. Nothing heavy, no rules. Just working out what I really enjoy and separating that from what I eat because I can

My vote is green for you too!
You have me hungry for Lasagna. Thanks for being willing to make it, youre invited to my house in Cuernavaca. I found a "Skillet Lasagna" recipe. I'm going to try it! Hard to think of turning on the oven when its over 90 degrees.

Thanks guys for all the green votes! I ended up marking it red because I didn't want to start getting too lax with myself. Was silly though because then I started thinking about chocolate and how maybe I'd have some since it's already a red day. I didn't of course but made me realize how easy it is to have the wtf effect. Next time I'll error on the green side.


Break: muesili w almond milk, fruit, soy mocha
Lunch : veggie & avocado sandwich, apple, chips & salsa
Soy mocha
Dinner: homemade corn dog, slow cooker baked beans, baked potato, sangria

Exercise: walked dogs

Such an emotionally draining day. I ended up grounding Zoe for a week because her behavior was just out of control. This is the first time she's ever been grounded and oh my she is not taking it well. Egads it's going to be a LONG week.

So tired but will catch up on everyone's threads tomorrow hopefully!

Its really ok to back down on a punishment if you think you were too harsh.
I've done it a million times and didn't lose credibility with my kids, in fact they trust me more, because I show that ultimately/eventually, I'm fair.

Hmm interesting thoughts Linda about a green day turning in to a red day and as a result then giving yourself permission to eat more. You did really well to hold on and not give way to your inner voice, the hardest voice to resist eh!!
By the way what is Cajun tofu? You keep having it and I keep fancying it!! But not sure if you make it or you buy it already 'cajuned' as it were
Hang in there with your girls. Children need rules and boundaries and we need to know when to apply them and when to not. Sadly it can't be based on whether they will take it well or not! All your posts indicate you are wise in this regard and a great mum. This will pass

Yes, totally agree with Tessy to hang in there. I grew up without any rules at all. It wasn't pretty. Also, it took me a very long time, well into my 20s, to respect my mum at all. Kids need boundaries.

Hi Linda. I think this is really interesting! You know how you've been trying so hard to connect/be patient, etc., with your kids? I have found that after I do that for awhile, inevitably somebody pushes too hard, takes a little too much for granted, loses a little respect, and bam! I have to come down harder than ever! Isn't that weird? I don't know if that's what happened in your family, but I suspect it's par for the course of child-raising.

On the bright side, I think you may find that she is more delightful to be around while grounded than not (perhaps). When my 8-year old can't play with his friends for a few days, he becomes a different child, definitely more respectful. That is, after he cries for a full day.

Whatever the situation, good luck!

Thanks all for the support. I agree chani that's it's okay to backdown sometimes but not in this case I don't think.

I relate to what you're saying eschano. I grew up with very little rules as well and boy did that go wrong. I do respect my mom though as she was a single struggling mom just trying to keep her head above water. I used to want to be grounded though. Funny but sad too.

Auto: it's definitely a complicated situation. With my brilliant plan on handling the girls, I kind of forgot that there's two of us parenting. Well DH was not on board with my plan and to be fair he's had the healthier upbringing so I tend to to trust him.

A few days ago he was just fed up with their screaming & yelling and told them the next person who screams will be grounded for a week. I must have warned them a thousand times because I knew how bummed they'd be if they missed out on special plans we'd made for the weekend.

Anyway Tuesday the girls were fighting and Zoe pulled Talia's hair HARD. I separated them and a few mins later they were at it again. I heard Zoe yelling and then she pushed Talia down HARD so that was it I grounded her for the week. Enoughs enough already.

Yesterday DH & I had a long talk about how overly sensitive I am to the girls fighting because of my difficult relationship w an overbearing older sister. Zoe's a pretty great older sister in reality (normally) and she may be getting treated unfairly in general by me. SO we came up with a long term plan that will treat them fairly. Mainly that it doesn't matter who started it but that they'll both have a consequence when they fight. Pretty sure that's what you said to do auto!

So walking away was good so I could have a little distance from the situation and remember it's not me & my sister fighting all over again. I'm an adult now and no longer helpless to the situation. I'm sticking to the grounding because Zoe needs to know I'm serious. In the past I've done too much yelling and not enough action. Let's face it she lives a privileged life but not sure she appreciates it.

She's in a bit of shock I think. Yesterday was a roller coaster. Crying one minute, raging how unfair I was the next moment & then hugging me and telling me she loves me the next. I thing she's grieving but relieved that she finally feels some firm boundaries.

Wow I didn't mean to write a book but told you it was complicated!!

Tessy: the Cajun tofu is from my favorite store Trader Joes. It comes already marinated and all ready to eat. They have other flavors too!

Sometimes it's so hard to be the adult but someone's gotta do it

Wow, Linda, that is a lot of parental stuff and kid stuff all rolled into one. I totally relate! My husband had the "healthier" upbringing and so I often defer to him in moments of high tension with the kids.

Sounds like you and your husband were drawn closer through this challenge, and that is awesome. It's all part of our growing and changing.

Thanks for sharing. You are working so hard and you continually inspire me to do the very best I can as a mother.

Thanks auto for the great compliment.

Another emotionally draining day but it all ended well. I think we are all a bit closer after this whole situation. Lots of clearing of the air today!

Green day

Break: muesli w almond milk & fruit, soy mocha
Lunch: veggie & avocado sandwich, baked lays, naked bar
Dinner: chili Mac, chips, peaches, iced tea

Exercise: 20 mins rowing

Another day where you have the most delicious food! Also, delighted you could clear the air.

Thanks eschano! I think I'm enjoying my vegan meals even more than my regular meals. Just goes to show!


Break: steel cut oatmeal with soy milk & brown sugar, coffee w cream (oh well)
Soy mocha
Lunch: mushroom soup, multigrain bagel
Dinner: pizza w ranch, salad, grapes, juice

Exercise: none

LAM: had breakfast with a friend by the pool of a local resort. Actually not sure if this is a LAM because I always feel drained after being with this particular friend. She talks A LOT and I can barely get a word in. Also, I always feel a bit off balance after our visits. She has a way of building you up with lots of compliments and then just when you let your guard down she slides in some insult that leaves you wondering how to feel.

Why do I continue to hang out with her? I guess because sometimes it's fine and it's just easy since I've known her for awhile now. I think it's okay if I limit my visits with her to about once a month. She seems on her best behavior when I haven't seen her for a few weeks. Okay well at least I tried!

I'm really hoping for a good weekend a after last weekends disaster. My plan is three regular meals plus two salad plate size snacks of anything including sweets. Oh yeah and if I really need chocolate first thing tomorrow morning (I'm craving it!) then I'll allow myself one tiny ramekin full.

My goal is to get my S days to look more like my N days with a few treats thrown in. I know I'm stating the obvious but am only now feeling ready to nudge myself in that direction!

Hey Linda. You are such a star. Your vegan challenge is going so well. I know this can be really hard. I have a lot of vegan friends. But you are doing it with style. Well done you

Friends are funny aren't they? Where would we be without them and yet.......
In my teaching I do a session about the importance of friends in the modern world. I use some work by an academic called a graham Allen. He talks about different types of friends. The 'champagne' friend - great for fun. The 'firefighting friend' when you need support to deal with trouble, the 'fossil friend' who you dig up every now and again, and the 'heart sinking friend' and you know who that one is
Everybody's got them !!
I hope your weekend goes well. I am also trying to get mine so I experience the joy and freedom of them. But don't go overboard and undermine my weekly self. Have fun though

Wow, turbulent week, Linda! Good for you, to sail through it with your habits intact. Consequences are good for kids -- and if you and your dh can stay on the same page, the kids can't play you one against the other!

You deserve some enjoyable S time this weekend!

Linda, I have a friend that's something like that, I love her but have to limit our togetherness. TALK Talk talk. At least I don't have to put forth an effort to make conversation! I actually miss her now, we haven't gotten together since summer.

Linda,
Thanks for your encouraging post on my thread.
I hope your weekend was smooth and relaxing, you certainly needed it after your emotionally draining week.

Thanks for the support all!

Tessy I googled that guy & he was definitely interesting. Female friendships can be so complicated!

It's not just the non-stop talking Sweetness that is so tough but the narcissistic nature of her monologues.

I had really good weekend. I ate heartily but with more structure than usual so felt fine. Everything was either a snack or meal instead of my usual nonstop S day permasnacking.

Break: toast & coffee
Snack: 1/2 muffin, mocha
Lunch: tuna sandwich, 1 cookie, handful chips w dip
Dinner: chips & guacamole (a lot!), beef burrito, beans, 2 margaritas
Dessert: 3 pb cookies w milk

LAM: went to a design class w my fav friend & coffee afterward; took the kids out to the desert to ride our quads.

Hi Linda, I agree, your vegan meals sound so yummy.
Just curious, how do you make your "Soy mocha"?

The design class sounds great!

As for LAM the other day: I think it counts. You went to a really lovely place and you noticed that for it to be LAM next time you'll do it with a different friend

Linda, Congrats on the sane weekend! Its nice to feel good afterwards isn't it? I had one of those too.

Linda and Tessy, thanks for the conversation about types of friends. I think I will google that academic, too. I am curious.

Yes eschano, I did at least enjoy my surroundings not to mention the food.

Sweetness it was nice to have a good weekend with my eating for once. I've had some sane S days but mostly by accident when I was just too busy to eat too much. Was nice to get good results from purposely trying this time though.

Even though it was a sane weekend, I need to be careful with eating a lot close to bedtime. I ate that big Mexican dinner on the late side and woke up with horrible reflux at 4am. Ugh, I must be getting old because I didn't used to have to worry about such things. I felt a bit unwell all day as a result but think I'm okay now.

Osoniye, I have a frother that I steam my soy milk in and pour that over regular coffee. Then I squirt chocolate sauce & stir! Not technically vanilla but it's my little mod that I can't l(won't) live without.

Auto: glad to have been able to help a bit. Just wanted to give you some honest feedback on my impressions. Let me know if you find anything interesting on the friendship front.

Break: steel-cut oatmeal with brown sugar & almond milk, mango slices
Soy mocha
Lunch: rice and veggie bowl w hummus (Costco find--woohoo!), kind bar, mango
Sugar free ice blended mocha (not vegan--oops)
Dinner: baked gnocchi, shrimp & avocado salad, bread

Exercise: none (spring break)

LAM: slept in, bubble bath, make a quick & easy dinner from my trader joes cookbook!

Oh boy. I just emailed that too talkative friend and told her I need to focus on making new friends in my new neighborhood and that i would still like to get together a couple times a year. I feel terrible but had to done I think as she's not the type to take subtle hints. Not sure I'm going to even want to read the email response.

Oh brother!