Well I messed up today...
Ruined my streak of green days.
So time to analyze what happened.
6-19-12 - I get home with my daughter and I'm already annoyed because I know I am going to have to wait really late to eat dinner. I am starving and it's 4:45. So I decide that I will think about what I want in addition to the burger that will be grilled when my DH gets home. so I eat popcorn, carrots, grapes... take my vitamins. have a glass of milk. he gets home and he has a traffic citation from some stupid red light running camera and I know i'm the one that did it. there goes $95. guess they really do check those things. I feel like a jerk because of that. It takes him forever to look at it, read it, analyze it. I just want to get these burgers grilled because the small things I ate really weren't that filling but he is never hungry so I'm patiently waiting for him to analyze the traffic citation situation. I sit down to finally eat the burger and my daughter needs help going potty. I help her but in the middle of that my food is sitting out getting cold and she gets mad and throws the worst tantrum ever because I won't let her play in the potty. I put her in her crib and she is still screaming and mad. i figure i'll go eat the last few bites and then go up and see if she has settled down because i couldn't comfort her and failed in those attempts. she is still mad. so i'm upset. i go back downstairs, she comes with me and finally she feels a little better. after that is when things start to go bad. i still feel hungry so i have a banana with my daughter, then WTH feeling kicks in. i've already ruined things so why not just have more stuff. I am trying so hard to stop at one mess up. But i wasn't able to. I had a bunch of stuff, no idea how many calories but it was a lot. it's over now and i have an almost pregnant looking stomach. i was supposed to run but now there is no way because it would be uncomfortable due to my overeating. looks like today is automatically my "skip day" because i'm an idiot.
I know why i did it. I was pissed about the traffic citation. I felt like my husband was pointing fingers at me and shaming me for it as he made a few sarcastic remarks about it, of course, all in jest but I am sensitive. The tantrum was very upsetting and she doesn't have very many so they feel out of control for me. Dinner was already very late today and I set a bad precedent by having those random things before my actual meal. I should have just waited until the meal but things were all disjointed and i used that as an excuse to get off track.
When am I going to learn that eating when in an emotional state gets me nowhere! Binging doesn't solve any problems. And now I get to think about how much fatter I will be after not being able to feel comfortable in a pair of pants that normally fit me.
I realize I am getting heavier and that realization makes me freak out and overeat more, somehow. It was easier when I was getting smaller which was just a few months ago. Somehow fitting in smaller pants didn't make me overeat. Strange irony.
So it's back to the drawing board tomorrow.
I guess I ruined my streak but here is my new goal. Moderate days Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. S days will be a little more moderate this week than last week but not going to overly restrict because we know what that leads to. Stick to my three meals a day. I can do this again but a failure just feels so bad right now.
Current BMI: 22.9. Height: 5'4.5"
Highest BMI: 25.5 in August 2011.
Lowest adult BMI: 20.8 in February 2012.