Bluebell's check in

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:16 pm

I think (not that my opinion counts) realizing you don't have to give in to HALT is even more important than getting takeaway food to a minimum. It's a lot more uncomfortable and therefore has even more of a payoff.

You might consider having a separate kind of notation on a calendar (or a separate Habitcal) just for the times you either won or lost against HALT. BEing able to mark that success may be a motivator as well as NOT having to mark a failure might be. You might even start relishing the opportunity to say no, though I wouldn't recommend "bringing it" on purpose.

If I may say, it seems there is a fair amount of hanging further complications over your head as you go. This is a common habit to make us want to excel but it can also have our trainable psyche think it's never enough and get discouraged. Yes, down the line, we may have more things to work on but they will be a lot easier if we have a few hundred plates under our belts before trying to "improve our time" on our practice runs.
a few hundred plates before that.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:47 am

Oolala thank you for your wise words. Firstly I have to confess I have never heard of HALT before

I have googled and read that it means Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. I never knew there was an acronym that sums up my feelings so succinctly! But yes, those are usually the reasons I want to eat mindlessly, I would like to add another H, hormonal. I have discussed my awful pre menstrual symptoms with my doctor and have been told it is all entirely normal as we get older, and not an awful lot that can help! (Yay) I am very much aware that it adds to the cocktail in my mind though.
Actually regarding habitcal, I have never done one properly, only the monthly challenges here and I haven't done that for a while either. So that is something to start, I think it will help.
As for your last comment, I have always been hard on myself. I have had some counselling some years ago for this and other issues, but not in relation to my eating. I tend to beat myself up when I fail, and this contributes to my mindset of just giving up/giving in. NoS has helped so much but as you have noted, it is complicated!

I wanted to write about yesterday evening too, we went for dinner at my mum and Dadâ€™s. I have written before about my mum and food. Last night there was so much food for just 6 of us it was actually almost comical. Huge dishes of vegetables, meat, potatoes, just vast quantities, almost obscene. The amount leftover at the end could have fed another 6 at least, probably more. The desserts were enormous and too much choice. I feel relieved that I have at least broken away from this pattern. I am determined to bring my boys up with the ability to eat moderately. And enjoy treats occasionally. NoS unofficially for my kids I guess!!

Well that was a long post! We are out for lunch today, I am going to enjoy it without going over the top, that is the plan, after last night I think I will stick to it

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Jan 28, 2018 4:02 pm

Have you seen some of my posts? I binge on them all the time.

That was a great feat at your parents'. It sounded like you were not swayed by the volume of food nor by possibly your mother's entreaties to eat more. (or maybe just a little.)

I think not only are humans wired to like plenty, but Americans brought with them and still have an immigrant mentality. They often came because life was tough at home, and there was so much relief and pride at being able to set a full table. And of course the rich were expected to show off, though the wealthy are not impressed with eating a lot. They provide excess but they don't eat it.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:32 pm

On Sunday we had lunch out just the 4 of us, I chose bouillabaisse which was delicious, filling and probably quite a healthy ish option. Then I blew it by having a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Mmmm it was yummy.
Today has been a success, avoided temptation when I got home and waited for dinner somehow.
I had your words in my head today Oolala, when you say youâ€™ve never regretted not eating something. Or something like that! Anyway the resonance of it has helped me even if I canâ€™t recall your exact words, sorry!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:20 pm

Today - success

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:02 pm

That's close enough, but honestly, I wouldn't have made much of having a Krispy Kreme doughnut at your stage of the game. I easily ate the equivalent of multiples of them on many S days. One is not even close to blowing it, in my book. Getting to the point at which I could say that I almost never regret NOT eating something on an S day took, well, probably up until the last couple of years.

But you don't have to repeat my timeline...

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:07 pm

Lots of Ss over the weekend. Today - success

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:50 pm

So. I went AWOL for a bit. Had something of a relapse, I was allowing myself to not NoS, to eat what I wanted when I wanted. Except... it wasnâ€™t as big a relapse as I have had with other diets. I felt uncomfortable with eating large amounts of food. I would have a snack then wish I felt hungry for a meal. I was sort of watching myself doing what I used to do, whilst thinking â€˜well this is a bit ridiculous, eating for the sake of eating without enjoymentâ€™
I didnâ€™t really set out to prove that NoS is better for me than anything else, but that is what happened.
So here I am, re committed, head back out of the sand, NoSing as if I never left.
Lucky for me my weight has remained stable too.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Tue Feb 20, 2018 9:54 pm

Today - success

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:03 pm

Today - success

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:08 pm

Welcome back and congrats on the successes! It's funny how natural waiting for your next meal starts to become isn't it?

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Thu Feb 22, 2018 10:32 pm

Thanks milliem
Today - success

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 2:36 am

Relapses at this point in the history of substance abuse therapy are almost considered part of the process. It often reminds the person what had become so miserable about the habit, and they often recommit with even better results. (Not saying our eating is substance abuse, but both are habits along a continuum.)

I've said I would trade my weight loss for other things I haven't gotten in life but I would not be willing to go back to overeating so chronically to do it. So, Catch 22.

Welcome home!

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 3:27 pm

Great to see you again, Bluebell!

My S days are similar to your recent "lapse", I think: I snack and eat loads of treats just because I can. Every time I do this, I'm reminded how insane it is - how I much prefer looking forward to the next meal and enjoying it, as on an N day. This message is hammered into my head every weekend...and eventually I think it will really sink in. For now though, I need the reminder!

Personally, I find Habitcal really useful. A bit like No S itself, I can't really explain why it works, but it has some sort of clever effect on my head. I'm not afraid of the red squares as such, but the idea of one gives me a sort of sinking feeling, like it was a missed opportunity to progress by a whole day.

All the best with your journey!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:45 pm

Thanks Oolala and Octavia. Strangely, it almost feels as if I needed to go through that process. To be â€˜absentâ€™ from NoS in order to reinforce how much I need it in my life. I have commentd before about how I have always followed the destructive pattern of losing weight, feeling that I have done whatâ€™s needed, then reverting back to overeating. I have lost 28lbs and maintained for a few months and it feels like my mind wanted to revert back to the old pattern. Youâ€™re done with NoS, youâ€™ve lost weight, back to how you were before you started.
Except, I am not the person who started out in October 2016. I have had my struggles but each time I have learnt a little more about how to eat with moderation. How to be â€˜normalâ€™ around food. And when I was binge eating, I knew it wasnâ€™t how I wanted to be. It felt uncomfortable. I wasnâ€™t enjoying food.
Oolala, in many ways it does feel like substance abuse. So many times pre NoS I have wondered what is wrong with me, why I cannot be normal around food. NoS has shown me that I can be normal around food. And I want to be that person. I can be that person.
Octavia, I keep saying I will start a habitcal, I know it will help me. I am going to do it right now - thank you for the gentle prompt.
Today - success.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:39 pm

That you felt that you almost had to drop out to get how good No S was for you is what I was saying about the usefulness of relapse in drug treatment. Just like it often takes several tries to get serious and find an eating system that works, it usually takes "users"several tries, too. Getting more miserable in between often increases the determination!

I think you were actually being normal around food before. Overeating when there is access to food is the norm for humans. That's why it takes culture to rein things in, and why slim cultures are the exceptions now. Guyenet reported on a hunter gatherer society in which the members gorge themselves when they get access to a lot of food, eating pounds of meat and more than a QUART of honey at a time.

So don't be too hard on yourself! You're working on letting reason determine your habits.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:30 pm

Oolala thatâ€™s not the first time part of your advice has been to not be too hard on myself - its time I started listening... really listening. Thank you again. Iâ€™ll get the message one of these days

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:46 pm

I need to hear it, too, in other areas. Housework, run-ins with students and others- we'll just stop there... I'll try to listen to my own advice!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:27 am

Success all week. Today is a rare snow day, we donâ€™t get snow very often at all in my part of the UK and everything grinds to a halt when we get a centimetre or two! So I am trying to stick to NoS today even though it feels like a mini unexpected holiday, and reminding myself that I can have fun without overeating. More fun in fact as I wonâ€™t feel uncomfortable.

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Fri Mar 02, 2018 11:15 am

Bluebell wrote:reminding myself that I can have fun without overeating. More fun in fact as I wonâ€™t feel uncomfortable.

That's a great reminder for us all, actually. Congratulations on your successful week! All the more impressive when you realise that so many of us abandon all structure when something unexpected happens.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sat Mar 03, 2018 4:50 am

So you and Octavia must live in the same part of UK? Same snow?

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Tue Mar 06, 2018 1:16 am

Nearly the same snow! Iâ€™m in Surrey, another bit of south east England.

Skelton · Post by **Skelton** » Tue Sep 04, 2018 10:46 am

Hope all is well with you Bluebell.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Sep 04, 2018 1:41 pm

Same thought here.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Sep 28, 2018 6:28 pm

Ok, where to start.
Firstly, I have finally returned to this forum to see two messages asking after me. I am beyond touched that anyone would bother to look me up or think of me after all this time, let alone strangers online. So thank you.
Since I last checked in, in March, I had a complete relapse. I did what I always always do which is to return to my bad old habits. I lasted so much longer with NoS than any other diet, however it was as if I could not escape the inevitable forever.
I had maintained my 2 stone loss for some time, give or take a few pounds, but between now and then I have put back on 22 of the 28lb I had lost. It has felt like deliberate sabotage, and yet I knew even as I was doing it that deep down this was not what I wanted.
As a coincidence, I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of a friend who is a hypnotherapist. We spoke a bit about my issues around food and she said that she thought I was almost certainly rebelling against my mother putting me on a diet aged 12. I told that her that I didnâ€™t feel like I was rebelling but she said that it would be locked away in my subconscious somewhere. She was very lovely and not at all pushy.
I kept thinking, I would love to see her for a session, she will finally release me from this burden (thatâ€™s how it feels, a burden to keep doing this to myself)
Mainly because I canâ€™t justify spending that money on myself, I never got round to booking an appointment with her. However, I found myself asking â€˜What would I want the outcome of a hypnotherapy session to be?â€™ And I came up with this.
I would like to eat sensible meals, cut out the crap, and enjoy the occasional treat without tipping over into a binge and feelings of guilt.
That would be the NoS diet then.
So here I am. Nothing will work for me as well as NoS has. I think I truly know that now. I hope so anyway. Iâ€™ve managed a week successfully and have also started C25K, Iâ€™m only on week 2 but feel determined to get fitter and healthier.
I hope its OK to come back after all this time away. I intend to post from time to time, but keep a more detailed record in a paper diary kept by my bedside.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:19 pm

Glad to see you back Bluebell. Most of us here have come and gone and returned and have similar stories. Eventually, if we stay at it, changes in our thinking patterns and habits will take place and the weight will come off. The weight loss is SLOW, but it takes time to change a lifetime of mismanaging food and body image. "Focus on habits and not the weight loss" is the mantra. And don't expect perfection. This isn't all or nothing!

And even after nearly 10 years of NoS, I still need to check in now and then to make myself accountable. I will be following your story.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Sep 28, 2018 10:07 pm

Well, there is no forum police to stop you from coming back! We love returnees, and some have been away a lot longer than you have. Like years.

Hmm, it's too bad hypnotherapists aren't willing to get their money after you get your result. I wonder if someone could make No S truly effortless by resolving some old issue? I have my doubts. Wherever the food supply increases, weight goes up. I doubt it's because of childhood issues. But who knows? It would be a gamble.

It doesn't mean I haven't thought of hypnotherapy for other stuff, like patience at work. But the gambling issue holds me up.

ladybird30 · Post by **ladybird30** » Sat Sep 29, 2018 3:47 am

Welcome back Bluebell. Believe it or not, I followed your story with interest, and have often wondered how you are doing.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Sep 29, 2018 6:30 am

Thank you all for your kind words. It feels good to be back

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:59 pm

I've missed you, too! Welcome back.

Skelton · Post by **Skelton** » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:40 am

Pleased to see your recent update Bluebell.
Hope things are going well for you.

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:53 pm

By the way, I fully support you spending money on hypnosis if it appeals to you. You are worthy of spending money on, assuming it wonâ€™t put you in debt to do it.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:57 pm

Hi Bluebell!
Welcome back, always glad to see you.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:09 pm

Thanks all. Honestly, Iâ€™m not in a good place right now with my eating. I canâ€™t seem to find the strength to get back on it. Jenji you are too kind, I donâ€™t feel worthy of anything much, I just feel fat and miserable.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:45 pm

We are all different of course, but I am just going to share what has worked for me after nearly 10 years of No S which has included losing and gaining and losing and gaining!

1. Try not to focus on weight loss. It is always buzzing around in my head but losing weight is not the problem. Overeating and bingeing has always been the issue for me.
2. Work on getting from one meal to the next without eating in between. If you have to fill your plate with dense foods so be it. The first habit is to quit eating except at your 3 meals. This takes some time to retrain your brain. Failure does not mean you are weak or out of control. It is the old neural pathways that run deep!
3. Do not think and plan for S Days. That sabotaged me every time. I have learned not to bake or think about what I want on those days. For me, I still must be vigilant about sweets. So I may allow myself a treat but I try to eat it in the presence of others and not have it in the house. My trouble has always been stopping!
4. I have tried HabitCal but it just doesn't work for me. It makes me too obsessive and if I have a fail it can start a downward spiral. You know we talk about the What the Heck effect and also I have dented the fender, so I might as well total the car!
5. After establishing 3 plates a day and calmer S Days (and this may take awhile so be patient with yourself), then you can fiddle with what types of foods you are eating and adjust amounts and caloric density, etc.
6. And just check in on your thread and use it however it helps you. No one is going to judge you. I had picked up a couple of pounds (am now working on maintaining) so this last week I just logged in and wrote down what I ate. I was not counting anything, just making sure I wasn't fooling myself.
7. The weather or other conditions might not be conducive for you to get a fresh air walk in each day, but that is also my answer to get moving.

Hang in there and wait until the next plate! Good luck!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:02 pm

TexArk thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to write such a helpful reply, I do truly appreciate it. Actually if you donâ€™t mind me saying, I recognise a lot of myself in what you write, and your advice is spot on. Iâ€™d like to answer your points in turn if thatâ€™s ok.
1) I do focus on weight loss far too much. I think I need to put the scales away for now. NoS worked well for me before, so I need to trust it again and be patient.
2) â€œFailure does not mean you are weak or out of controlâ€ - it is very very hard for me to accept this. I would love for my brain to work this way but years of yoyo dieting have left me with a deep sense of failure and self loathing every time I break a diet and gain weight. NoS is different, I know that, yet still I eventually gave up.
3) For me its the snacks that are hardest to give up and I find myself wanting to eat all day long on S days. So its not so much that I plan S days, more that I am finding it hard to reign it in.
4) I see what youâ€™re saying. Do you mind me asking if you record your days in any way? I started using a paper diary with smiles for success, but then avoided recording anything when I had a fail.
5) 6) agreed and understood!
7) I am going to start walking again. I tried C25K but it was putting too much stress on my knees and hips. I have to accept that my weight and age are not conducive to running right now. So I am planning to try and fit in a brisk 30 minute walk whenever life allows.

Again, thank you for your help. Onwards.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:25 pm

To answer your question about recording or tracking daily I will share what I do, but it may not be right for you if you obsess over the scale and your weight.

I set up an account about 5 years ago with a site that tracks your trend weight and will show you whether you are gaining or losing and what your calorie deficit or excess is. You don't enter food; just weigh daily. There is a blank to enter a comment if you want to make a note about something so you could use it to check that you had followed NoS that day or that it was an S Day. When I look back at my charts over the years, I can see when I quit weighing I start gaining and I will have months of no entries, usually around the holiday season. Go figure!

Anyway, here is the site and I am sure there are apps for phones and such that do the same thing. https://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/online/hdo.html
It is pretty intuitive so I am sure you can figure it out.

Oh and I hear you about the snacking all day. I grew up with what we called "grazing" and it is my default setting. I grew up in Texas with cattle raising father. When I think about it now the whole point of the cows grazing all day was to fatten them up. Duh!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Oct 14, 2018 5:29 am

Thank you.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:20 pm

I warmly recommend that you read some books on body image and trying to separate image expectations from eating and especially from the habit of self-criticism. Don't let it get to you if they tell you to use intuitive eating or not to diet, etc. We are deluged with food in our culture and almost everyone could use the kind of kind, pleasurable systematic moderation No S promotes. It's okay to have a plan.

Regarding your unleashed eating on S days: make a few lists. One shows what you actually enjoy about eating willy nilly. Be honest! If there weren't some pleasure, you wouldn't do it.

On another, list what you hate about it and how it's affecting your life. Go ahead and list the self-loathing you feel, but also try to separate it in your mind from the other effects. It's important but is actually a separate issue/habit. It is something you can change, but you can't change feeling miserably full when you eat too much.

Your final list is the reasons you want to change this habit. Make sure most of them have to do with internal motivations. It's okay to have some for appearance's sake, but mentally note that you will do some things to make yourself look attractive anyway and that you will also strive to pay attention in your life to your value as a decent human being.

Lastly, write what discomfort you would be willing to put up with to the the bennies of that final list. There will likely be discomfort! Those intense, annoying sensations that keep telling you to eat? Facing how hard it may be to find compelling diversions? Having to keep answering back to the food-driven thoughts to eat? If the answer at this point is not willing to put up with any pain at all, then take yourself off the hook. Enjoy your N days and revel in your success with them. When I first started, I couldn't stand the idea of curtailing myself on S days. I wasn't willing to put up with any "waiting" discomfort. I was willing to feel bloated and gorged in exchange for that freedom. I went through a lot of angst later when that lasted a long time, but unless I had a real illness to deal with, I don't think I could have rushed it.

But if you CAN imagine it, you've had good suggestions already.

Give yourself credit for EVERY inch of success on this and vow to spend more time living your life in between. Who would you be if this were not a focus? And be gentle with yourself if that's a hard question, too. It continues to be for me.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:07 pm

I love every word of this post. It all sunk in deep.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:40 pm

Thank you Oolala. That you continue to care and give such wonderful advice to people (strangers) who are struggling on an internet forum, and that you never give up on any of us and have belief in each and every poster that they can do this, says an awful lot about the wonderful person that you are.

I am going to give your words some thought and write a proper reply when Iâ€™ve had a moment or two to gather myself.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Nov 14, 2018 1:03 pm

Well it seems it took me another month to gather myself

I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am heartily sick of allowing food to rule my life. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. My knees ache from the extra weight. I have no self control. Sometimes I eat even though I donâ€™t really want to. And when I found NoS which helped me more than anything else, I still didnâ€™t let myself stick with it for good.
So Iâ€™m starting again. Two days of success so far. I feel something has clicked in my mind but I donâ€™t trust myself enough to think that it will last. One day at a time.

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Wed Nov 14, 2018 1:33 pm

I get it. Sometimes we have a bad stretch. But I am glad to have you back and applauding your 2 days in the bank. Have a good day today - plan yourself some nice meals if you can.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:45 pm

Thank you jenji, very much appreciated.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Wed Nov 14, 2018 10:43 pm

In the stands,cheering you on!!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 12:33 am

Hi there, pretty Bluebell!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 12:42 am

Bluebell, I warmly suggest you write that list of miseries somewhere you can read it over and over, day after day, to remind yourself what you are tolerating the difficult times avoid. Because the truth is there is often at least SOME difficulty in sticking to No S. This is what people who work towards long term goals do without realizing it, though in their case it might be what the glories will be for taking actions every day.

The bilogical drive not only to eat but to some degree overeat can arise after the discomfort of overeating subsides, making our declarations when we are disgusted seem weak and misguided. It's not personal! It can make sense all over again to go ahead and eat. But that's when it's most important that we don't!

Let's hang on!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 7:15 am

Thank you everyone for your unswerving support. This forum is amazing. Yesterday was success.

Oolala another gem to hang on to â€œItâ€™s not personalâ€
In all my painful considerations about my eating, Iâ€™ve honestly never thought of it like that. I know youâ€™ve said it many times before. But Iâ€™ve only just allowed myself to hear it. Thank you.

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:41 pm

I have 2 days green myself! Let's go for 3 in a row!

Skelton · Post by **Skelton** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:30 pm

It's great to see you back Bluebell !

Soprano · Post by **Soprano** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 6:50 am

Bluebell wrote:Well it seems it took me another month to gather myself
I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am heartily sick of allowing food to rule my life. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. My knees ache from the extra weight. I have no self control. Sometimes I eat even though I donâ€™t really want to. And when I found NoS which helped me more than anything else, I still didnâ€™t let myself stick with it for good.
So Iâ€™m starting again. Two days of success so far. I feel something has clicked in my mind but I donâ€™t trust myself enough to think that it will last. One day at a time.

Big hugs and lots of cheer for getting back on track. Maybe don't think of it as starting again. You committed to this but wavered that happens to us all. Feeling like you've failed and have to muster the energy to restart is draining. You are on this plan for life now and just learning how it works. If month by month you increase the number of green days then that is progress. Stay focused on learning what your triggers are, don't beat yourself up when it goes wrong, shrug your shoulders and non judgementally try figure out what triggered it, then move on. You are only ever a meal away from being back on track.

You'll get there just don't expect to get it all right from the start.

Keep posting

Jx

Soprano · Post by **Soprano** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 6:50 am

Bluebell wrote:Well it seems it took me another month to gather myself
I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am heartily sick of allowing food to rule my life. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. My knees ache from the extra weight. I have no self control. Sometimes I eat even though I donâ€™t really want to. And when I found NoS which helped me more than anything else, I still didnâ€™t let myself stick with it for good.
So Iâ€™m starting again. Two days of success so far. I feel something has clicked in my mind but I donâ€™t trust myself enough to think that it will last. One day at a time.

Big hugs and lots of cheer for getting back on track. Maybe don't think of it as starting again. You committed to this but wavered that happens to us all. Feeling like you've failed and have to muster the energy to restart is draining. You are on this plan for life now and just learning how it works. If month by month you increase the number of green days then that is progress. Stay focused on learning what your triggers are, don't beat yourself up when it goes wrong, shrug your shoulders and non judgementally try figure out what triggered it, then move on. You are only ever a meal away from being back on track.

You'll get there just don't expect to get it all right from the start.

Keep posting

Jx

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 4:14 pm

I got 3 by filling up my plate! We do what we have to do.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:31 pm

jenji wrote:I got 3 by filling up my plate! We do what we have to do.

Yay well done Jenji! I am definitely having full plates, but have managed to have success again yesterday and today so Iâ€™m really pleased. Actually it feels a real relief to be back on the plan, I know this works for me I just need to commit.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:31 pm

Skelton wrote:It's great to see you back Bluebell !

Thank you so much.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:38 pm

Soprano wrote:
Bluebell wrote:Well it seems it took me another month to gather myself
I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am heartily sick of allowing food to rule my life. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. My knees ache from the extra weight. I have no self control. Sometimes I eat even though I donâ€™t really want to. And when I found NoS which helped me more than anything else, I still didnâ€™t let myself stick with it for good.
So Iâ€™m starting again. Two days of success so far. I feel something has clicked in my mind but I donâ€™t trust myself enough to think that it will last. One day at a time.
Big hugs and lots of cheer for getting back on track. Maybe don't think of it as starting again. You committed to this but wavered that happens to us all. Feeling like you've failed and have to muster the energy to restart is draining. You are on this plan for life now and just learning how it works. If month by month you increase the number of green days then that is progress. Stay focused on learning what your triggers are, don't beat yourself up when it goes wrong, shrug your shoulders and non judgementally try figure out what triggered it, then move on. You are only ever a meal away from being back on track.

You'll get there just don't expect to get it all right from the start.

Keep posting

Jx

Thank you so much for your support. I like this way of looking at it. I have felt this week that I am returning to the way of eating that works for me.
â€œYou are only ever a meal away from being back on trackâ€ - this is such a positive way of looking at it. I forgot how forgiving NoS is, I think this sets it apart from other â€˜dietsâ€™.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Nov 17, 2018 2:30 am

Thanks for your kind words.

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Mon Nov 19, 2018 4:55 pm

Bluebell wrote:
jenji wrote:I got 3 by filling up my plate! We do what we have to do.
Yay well done Jenji! I am definitely having full plates, but have managed to have success again yesterday and today so Iâ€™m really pleased. Actually it feels a real relief to be back on the plan, I know this works for me I just need to commit.

Nice work, Bluebell!

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Mon Nov 19, 2018 4:55 pm

Bluebell wrote:
Soprano wrote:
Bluebell wrote:Well it seems it took me another month to gather myself
I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am heartily sick of allowing food to rule my life. I am uncomfortable in my clothes. My knees ache from the extra weight. I have no self control. Sometimes I eat even though I donâ€™t really want to. And when I found NoS which helped me more than anything else, I still didnâ€™t let myself stick with it for good.
So Iâ€™m starting again. Two days of success so far. I feel something has clicked in my mind but I donâ€™t trust myself enough to think that it will last. One day at a time.
Big hugs and lots of cheer for getting back on track. Maybe don't think of it as starting again. You committed to this but wavered that happens to us all. Feeling like you've failed and have to muster the energy to restart is draining. You are on this plan for life now and just learning how it works. If month by month you increase the number of green days then that is progress. Stay focused on learning what your triggers are, don't beat yourself up when it goes wrong, shrug your shoulders and non judgementally try figure out what triggered it, then move on. You are only ever a meal away from being back on track.

You'll get there just don't expect to get it all right from the start.

Keep posting

Jx
Thank you so much for your support. I like this way of looking at it. I have felt this week that I am returning to the way of eating that works for me.
â€œYou are only ever a meal away from being back on trackâ€ - this is such a positive way of looking at it. I forgot how forgiving NoS is, I think this sets it apart from other â€˜dietsâ€™.

I love this phrase, too, Oolala!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Tue Nov 20, 2018 7:37 pm

Ok so the weekend wasnâ€™t too bad, I definitely had S treats but didnâ€™t feel out of control. Yesterday and today have been successful, today when I came home at 4 pm I really wanted to eat, and it lasted until dinner at 6.30pm. This is my real danger time for eating mindlessly and to fill an immediate urge. Even worse when Iâ€™m tired and a bit stressed like today. Somehow I did ride it out and need to remind myself that I can.
I am purposefully avoiding the scales right now as I know that they can tip me over into giving up.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:07 am

Yay for you to make it to 6:30!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:05 pm

Well the rest of the week was not good. I work in a school in the UK and on Weds we had the dreaded OFSTED phone call. This is an extremely stressful time for any school and I am afraid I wasnâ€™t able to focus on NoS at all. However, it is over now and I am going to get back on it again tomorrow.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:15 am

What is the OFSTED call? Please do share about it and what it is like for you and your co-workers.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:52 am

Since Bluebell is in the UK we may have to wait for the details. I am retired from teaching, but I can remember when we had surprise visits from the state department of education coming to look at lesson plans, etc. Then in university teaching it was always the dreaded accreditation team visit., which was never a surprise of course, but very stressful for a year or two! Maybe it is similar.
According to a Google search:
"Ofsted is the Office for Standards in Education, Children's Services and Skills. We inspect and regulate services that care for children and young people, and services providing education and skills for learners of all ages."

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:23 pm

Thank you for your interest! Yes I am in the UK where we have a school inspection system which strikes fear into the hearts of anyone working in a school and due an inspection! A phone call is made to the school to say that they will be inspected the following day. Where I work, we have all been working so hard to raise standards and we were all so desperate for the inspection to go as well as possible. Everyone worked late that evening and the atmosphere was so tense! Thankfully it is all over and we were happy with the outcome.
Onwards with a new week, today has been success. I really want to make this a green week

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:54 am

I'm glad that is over! Thank you for being so dedicated, but I'm sorry that it has to be so stressful!

Go GREEN! That should be someone's NoS signature, haha

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:50 am

In California there is an accreditation process that takes over a year to prepare for. And it happens every three years, though schools that do well can have just a simpler check-in at three and the full inspection at six years. Thank goodness my school got the bypass nearly the whole time I worked there. It's so much paperwork and blah blahing. I pitied the poor people who had to write the reports.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Dec 01, 2018 6:10 pm

Interesting to hear how different the process is for you Oolala, a whole year to prepare! That is crazy (in terms of workload I mean). Well the whole inspection process is crazy really.
I had success Mon-Thurs and then unfortunately a red day on Friday. I am learning to be kind to myself and to mark it and move on.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 2:11 pm

Iâ€™m back. Again. I have to make this work. There arenâ€™t any other options I am able to live with. I canâ€™t live like this any more, hating my relationship with food, getting bigger and bigger, loathing my body, wishing Iâ€™d just stuck to the damned diet. I donâ€™t dare get in the scales, it wonâ€™t be helpful right now. 3 NoS days until the weekend, I can do this, I have to do this. One day at a time. One meal at a time.

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:49 pm

Bluebell wrote:Iâ€™m back. Again. I have to make this work. There arenâ€™t any other options I am able to live with. I canâ€™t live like this any more, hating my relationship with food, getting bigger and bigger, loathing my body, wishing Iâ€™d just stuck to the damned diet. I donâ€™t dare get in the scales, it wonâ€™t be helpful right now. 3 NoS days until the weekend, I can do this, I have to do this. One day at a time. One meal at a time.

Hang in there today! You've got this. Keep it simple.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:13 pm

Your tribe's got your back, Bluebell!

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:18 pm

You can do this, Bluebell - we are all supporting you. Enjoy some lovely meals, and it will be the weekend soon!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:56 pm

Thank you everyone as always, this group is so amazingly supportive, I feel a bit emotional.
I hit a real low in a changing room today, trying on trousers for work as nothing fits. I had to buy the stretchy jersey ones as my legs are so chunky nothing fitted looks good. Not a good feeling and I have done it to myself. I canâ€™t keep oretending everything is OK when it really isnâ€™t. I knew I had to come back and post on here. This is the only way I have ever found any sanity around food. Iâ€™m not focussing on my weight loss at all right now, I just need to regain some element of control. Iâ€™m not even enjoying most of what Iâ€™m eating as I am shoving in so much food. Why do I do this, its like a form if self harm but I donâ€™t want to let go of it.
Gosh Iâ€™m a mess.
But as you say, keep it simple.
Thanks again.

Soprano · Post by **Soprano** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:20 pm

Oh so sorry to hear you are down.

This will work, but best approach it slowly if you aren't ready to give up overeating at meals. It's a win just to stick to the no snacks and no sweet stuff.

When you are ready take one meal a day and try choose something healthy and tasty, take your time with it and try and gain some pleasure.

Remember the best accompaniment to any meal is hunger

You'll get there

Jx

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 10:10 pm

Thank you Soprano. I really do appreciate your help and support, and from everyone else on here.
The stupid thing is, I really love healthy food. I just canâ€™t stop bingeing on the rubbish. I try hard to cook sensible meals from scratch for my family, but inbetween times I binge. Worst times are when I get home from work, around 4pm, when I am tired, hungry and a bit stressed, I reach for food as a comfort. Except it is not a comfort when it makes me feel so upset with the way I look. My mind goes into â€˜Iâ€™m eatingâ€™ mode. I actually tell myself sometimes, I donâ€™t care, Iâ€™m eating. As if it is a switch Iâ€™ve jammed on, on purpose.
Shameful thoughts to admit to but this is a safe place where I can be brutally honest wth myself. Iâ€™m never going to get myself out of this pit if I donâ€™t face up to the truth.
Anyway, enough self indulgence for one day, today has been my first green day in a long time. I did it today and I can do it again tomorrow.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Jan 17, 2019 12:17 am

It feels so good to be honest with people and then realize that people still love and care for us, and accept us, flaws and all.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:48 am

Yes indeed, I have a wonderful family and close friends who love me for who I am, not how I look. I am blessed with that.

Soprano · Post by **Soprano** » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:42 pm

Yay well done on the green Day! You can do it

Doesn't it feel good

You are on the road to recovery from overweight and bingeing it won't happen over night and there will be set backs but you can do it.

Jx

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Thu Jan 17, 2019 9:50 pm

Thank you Soprano. Yes it does feel so much better. I have a reference point to return to and I am grateful for that.
Today I stayed green. One more day then its the weekend.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:07 am

Have a great green Friday, Bluebell!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:02 pm

Thank you! Success today, so three greens in a row, the first successful run in a long while. Mind you I did only have to get through 3 days, easing myself in gently!
I find that if I can get through the gap between lunch and dinner I am OK in the evenings, I have always been quite good at not snacking past a certain time of day. My danger zone is 4pm until dinner, when I just want to EAT! Iâ€™ve done it before and I can do it again, I need this to work and stick this time around.

Staff Assistant III · No S start date 1/11/19 BMI Jan 19 22.7, FEb 19 22.9

Same zone! Did pretty well this week even with an early lunch, go us!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Jan 19, 2019 9:55 pm

Today has been Ok, I have decided not to snack at all on S days as I just canâ€™t guarantee I can control my eating inbetween meals. However I have had sweets after both meals, a pretty sickly dessert at dinner which I really didnâ€™t need in my life if Iâ€™m being honest!
I will be finding the next 10 days or so hard going as my husband is away with work. Nothing unusual as he travels often but I do find it an extra strain managing work, kids, house etc by myself and often turn to food for comfort.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sat Jan 19, 2019 10:06 pm

How old are your kiddos, Bluebell?

Surprisingly, I eat BETTER when Sexy is gone, because he likes having big starchy meals and I am fine without that.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:19 am

Hi Automated eating. My boys are 9 and 14 now, life is much easier in many ways now that they are older, they are more independent etc. My husband isnâ€™t fussy about what food I serve, he would eat most things I think

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Jan 20, 2019 2:21 pm

Oh gosh - our boys are similar ages! My oldest is 13 (hence Challenger13) and my second son is 9 (Creator9). Challenger JUST turned 13 though.

Good luck with your upcoming week of handling all the driving of those boys around, haha. That takes up much of my evenings these days.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Jan 20, 2019 6:13 pm

automatedeating wrote:Oh gosh - our boys are similar ages! My oldest is 13 (hence Challenger13) and my second son is 9 (Creator9). Challenger JUST turned 13 though.

Good luck with your upcoming week of handling all the driving of those boys around, haha. That takes up much of my evenings these days.

Thank you - yes indeed, I am mum taxi for most of the week, as well as working part time, it keeps me busy! Hope you have a good week too

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sun Jan 20, 2019 10:39 pm

Managed not to snack again today, had a few treats at meals.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Mon Jan 21, 2019 9:20 pm

Today - success

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:03 pm

Well done on your successful day, Bluebell! And hope your alone time goes OK. It is challenging dealing with things on your own - I certainly struggle to manage my DD if DH is away! Iâ€™m also doing lots of taxi-ing at the moment, too. Itâ€™s really time consuming!

jenji · Post by **jenji** » Tue Jan 22, 2019 8:26 pm

Good luck with the time alone. Try to plan some nice herbal tea or something to distract you in the car.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Tue Jan 22, 2019 9:37 pm

Thanks to both of you, I appreciate your well wishes. My husband will be back and forth now until April, I have at least every other weekend and most weeks without him as he has a big work project going on. Just gotta get my head down and get on with it I guess!
Today was success, despite coming out in a rotten head cold today. Early night tonight.
I know its early days for me back on NoS but I am feeling more committed than I have done for a long while. I think that shock and low moment in the changing rooms made me realise that actually Iâ€™m not Ok with being this much overweight. When I am in â€˜eatingâ€™ mode I am very good at pretending everything is fine. When in reality things are slipping further away from fine with every day I overeat.
I knew I had to find my way back to NoS, as all the other â€˜dietâ€™ options seemed unbearable.
I want this to be for life and truly hope I can stick with it this time.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:50 pm

Today - success

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Jan 24, 2019 12:14 am

Happy Day!

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Thu Jan 24, 2019 10:06 pm

Thanks!
Today - success
Struggling with feeling fat today and wishing there was a quick fix that really worked. But I know there isnâ€™t, and I also know that it is better to be overweight and eating with moderation, than dieting and failing.

Dalia negra · Post by **Dalia negra** » Fri Jan 25, 2019 5:46 am

Do not hesitate, Bluebell.

I come from dieting and lose weight very fast to then get bored and leave everything and gain 8 lbs in three weeks. And if I kept going like that I would probably recover all the kilos, so you can see what diets are for ...

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Fri Jan 25, 2019 10:15 pm

Thank you Dalia negra. I know, I have lost and regained the same 2 or 3 stones so many times, I am sick of yoyo dieting.
Today I had a strong urge to eat/binge around 5pm today. It was that Friday end of the week need a treat feeling. Somehow I managed to ride it out and last until dinner, which was not especially healthy or small, but did help me feel satisfied.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Sat Jan 26, 2019 10:38 pm

Had a lovely dinner out with a friend, a much needed break from routine and being a single parent for a couple of hours. I had a lamb tagine which was delicious and a brownie for dessert. No alcohol as i was driving. I love that I can do this within NoS and not feel guilty.

Bluebell · Post by **Bluebell** » Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:52 pm

Yesterday was a fail as I took my boys out for pizza and we all had calamari as a starter. However I didnâ€™t have snacks or sweets so not all bad. And that calamari was good!
Today - success.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:26 am

That's cool that your boys will eat calamari!