Harpista's Check-In

[harpista]

My introductory post is here.

Edited to add the text of my original intro post: "Newbie! Also: doc's note, blood sugars, PCOS= help?!" Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 6:14 pm

Hi, all!

Occasional lurker, now throwing her hat over the fence. I've (half-heartedly) tried to No-S in the past and well, always breaking at least one S per day... it just does not work. I am 24 and I would say, morbidly obese... To just be honest, about 170cm/5' 7", and about 129kg/285 lb. I still walk around, yes, but I just realized something: my dress size matches my age (and has since I was about sixteen). I'd like to discontinue this trend, what with my birthday coming up in four days, heh heh.

Motivation:
- Becoming too fat to play my musical instrument properly.
- Not having dated anyone since age/size 22, and that was someone I was with for about 4 years
- Sleep disorders, likely caused by weight
- Recent diagnosis (below) that plays into family history of diabetes and heart disease

I'm pretty sure this qualifies for a doctor's note exception to 3 meals per day: I was very recently diagnosed with PCOS (syndrome causing tendency to obesity, among other things, with a strong diabetes/heart disease risk) and hyperinsulinemia (causes me to get hypoglycemic, also a diabetes risk). I don't know how much information is just TMI, but I am on metformin (Glucophage). That's to regulate blood sugar, insulin use etc.

I *can* say I am supposed to lose weight, exercise and moderate my blood sugar, through my food choices as well as using the medicines. My endocrinologist recommended eating "more than three" times per day at regular times, and mentioned 4-6 times daily. I was thinking about aiming for four because as much as I love food, I get sick of eating over and over (I just want to eat lots when I do eat, I suppose!), and my schedule does not permit 5 or 6. Also I don't want to get further into food obsession by planning five or six meals per day! And grazing... I don't need a license to eat at will... That's what I've done most of my life and it hasn't done me any favours.

Does anyone have any experience with my disorder(s) or who has blood sugar problems, diabetes, etc. have anything to tell me?

Merci beaucoup!

My official meals are breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner.

Tues. May 2nd: (Formal beginning, but in the evening)

Wed. May 3rd: Failure

Thu. May 4th: Failure

Fri. May 5th: Failure, although tempted to make it an S-Day because of my parents' anniversary

Sat. May 6th: S-Day, my birthday! Cream tea at the King Edward Hotel (Toronto) and dinner at a fancypants French restaurant

Sun. May 7th: S-Day, French restaurant hangover

It's not so successful, but I have come up with a few lessons as a result of my struggling:

1) Iced/sweet tea is an S for me.
2) Keeping prepared meals on hand like soup and frozen portions would be a good idea, because often my low blood sugar prompts me to snack soon before meals, especially ones that take more than 30 minutes to cook. Which of course implies bad planning or bad schedules, which of course there are.
3) I can't continue working indefinite hours, or at least, I have to stubbornly force myself to eat lunch and tea at regular times. I get off my designated schedule and I get both hypoglycemic and susceptible to eating anything in sight.
4) Sometimes I can look at a food and just say "ew, you aren't worth a failed day, or the calories," if I just think about it first. Emotional eating doesn't stand up to logic so far.
5) I do tend to eat out a lot and find that one plate is harder, because I'm in the habit of eating a salad (usually) or an appetizer (sometimes) before the main course. Eek.

I'm planning to start counting for the 21-Day Club on my first success, of course.

[gratefuldeb67]

Good luck and happy belated birthday!

Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

Good luck and happy belated birthday!

Peace and Love,
Deb

Thanks Deb! By the way that quote about birthdays is so true... I didn't particularily care about the gifts, I cared more about celebrating with my family (and thought of several people who couldn't be here, unfortunately)

[This path is my life]

Hi Harpista,

I think that the fact that you put the lessons you've learned as a result of your struggles is a wonderful thing which really reflects a great attitude you have towards this lifestyle change and life plan of eating and a lot of insight into your current obstacles and ways you could solve them. That's excellent!

Good luck tomorrow (actually today, Monday) and keep us posted!

[harpista]

Mon. May 8th: Failure, but closest yet to Success!

Exhausting day (I was doing heavy lifting at work, which is unusual) but I was on track, napping helped, until my Mom came back from the post office with one of those 100-calorie chocolate bars.

It's very hard to say no when someone brings you a treat specially, I find.

So then I had "ruined" the day, but fortunately the only other S was about one handful of a chips/pretzels/cheesies mix around the house which I had soon after. Then I stopped and went back to the discipline. Since in the past I have overreacted to failure a lot worse than a handful of Munchies, I still feel good about Monday and what I accomplished willpower-wise.

[Hunter Gatherer]

You have a good attitude. It's important to remember that as long as the failures keep shrinking you will eventually be where you want.

Good luck!

[harpista]

Hi Harpista,

I think that the fact that you put the lessons you've learned as a result of your struggles is a wonderful thing which really reflects a great attitude you have towards this lifestyle change and life plan of eating and a lot of insight into your current obstacles and ways you could solve them. That's excellent!

Good luck tomorrow (actually today, Monday) and keep us posted!

Thanks!

As my harp teacher said, reacting emotionally and dramatically to failures is a waste of time, focus and energy... keeping focused on the goal and trying again will get me where I want to go. A great lady she is! I just have to widen her advice beyond music.

[gratefuldeb67]

Okay okay... Now I get your name!!! LOL....
So do you like Harpo Marx too?

Anyway.. Keep positive and why not explain to your, probably well intentioned mother, that you are really restricting sweets to S days only...
It took me over a year to get my Mom on board with Richard and I doing NoS, but eventually she began to start asking "Is it an S day?", and now fully cooperates with our schedule for treats...
Look you have quite a lot at stake here and with the diabetes and such, she really ought to help you out a bit too...

I don't feel it's rude to say "no thank you Mom, it's not an S day" ...
You will be really happy to get a full good day under your belt and then it gets easier and easier to continue that way!
Then before you know it, it's the weekend and you can go and treat yourself to a lovely tea and a real treat, not a 100 calorie candy substitute...

Good luck!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

You have a good attitude. It's important to remember that as long as the failures keep shrinking you will eventually be where you want.

Good luck!

Thanks! Also, that's a pretty good summary of the fuzzy way I was thinking about it.

[harpista]

Okay okay... Now I get your name!!! LOL....
So do you like Harpo Marx too?

Doesn't EVERYONE?!

Anyway.. Keep positive and why not explain to your, probably well intentioned mother, that you are really restricting sweets to S days only... It took me over a year to get my Mom on board with Richard and I doing NoS, but eventually she began to start asking "Is it an S day?", and now fully cooperates with our schedule for treats...
Look you have quite a lot at stake here and with the diabetes and such, she really ought to help you out a bit too...

I think it could take a year plus to acclimate my family to No-S too, though they can repeat the schema and "interpret" if something is allowable from my previous attempt. However: they just resist the whole idea. They all think they know better I suppose.

My Mom doesn't like S-Days. She feels they will ruin everything and waste a week's efforts. She also (in my opinion) feels that the rules are a personal attack on her lifestyle. She isn't interested in changing her eating habits in a No-S kind of way. I gave up mentioning it (I realize it's contrary to human nature to tell her what's "not allowed") and realized all I can do is control MY diet. Someday she will see results and maybe then think about it herself. However, Mom is Mom (leaving it to me is a struggle).

The guys also don't support the idea but (other than Dad insisting on snack foods being around all the time because HE doesn't have a weight problem) don't do much to actively fight it.

There is also some wackiness around food in my family (which I guess is not so secret, given our poor health and varied food/fatness induced illnesses). Food pushing is no big surprise. It's a love/caring/hospitality thing.

I KNOW it sounds overwhelmingly bad. I am however used to this kind of thing and trying to treat everyone compassionately and calmly, including me.

I think this is an issue because my Grandma (Mom's Mom) is basically a lifelong No-S'er, and kept her weight at 135 lbs. from age 18 to well into her seventies (she's 84 and weighs about 145 now). She disdains all snacking (except happy hours for guests, S-Days) and never eats seconds, and strictly limits sweets (although she would have some if she was serving, say, cookies with lunch; but not if she found her weight had gone up even a pound that day). Mom has her issues with her own Mom and I think No-S is a bit of a reminder of that. Moms are people too. Hehehehe!

I don't feel it's rude to say "no thank you Mom, it's not an S day" ... You will be really happy to get a full good day under your belt and then it gets easier and easier to continue that way!

I agree with you! It's just that food is so touchy around here... Rejecting food (especially treats procured specifically for you) can be taken very, very badly.

Then before you know it, it's the weekend and you can go and treat yourself to a lovely tea and a real treat, not a 100 calorie candy substitute...

Good luck!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

Fortunately- it was a real chocolate bar (Hershey's I think?) that is small/thin to make it 100 calories, so I didn't wreck the day for something that was disgusting and unworthy .

[harpista]

Tues. May 9th: Quasi-Failure/Quasi-Success

I was all fired up to report my first success!!! when I realized... Last night I had a regular ginger ale, without thinking about it whatsoever. Curse you, devilish habits!

I am successful only if I don't count the ginger ale as an S, which I think I should... But I was perfect otherwise. I still believe I am in the "fence around the diet" strict stage though. Mostly I've been drinking bottled water and the flavoured options are herbal and regular teas (I don't count the sugar as an S because I don't drink a lot of tea, I don't have large amounts of sugar and it's frankly my escape valve).

So, well, crap.

P.S. Is "crap"ping allowed here?

[gratefuldeb67]

Hope today is less crappy! LOL..
Sorry about all the family resistance.. You just need to put your blinders on and just steer clear of them... And, if you don't mind me saying, your Mom is wrong about S days ruining everything... They are an essential steam valve and don't ruin anything... In my entire 19 months on NoS, I have only gained about 3 lbs from *one* really excessive S day weekend..
The whole week was going pretty poorly infact, and that was just the final straw... I can tell you that other than that one bad weekend, S days have *never* impacted my weight... It's the N days and exercise that really makes the difference... Anyway. I'm sure you won't get too far trying to win your Mom's support so don't bother! LOL..
Just keep the faith!!!
You'll get results even if you aren't perfect Harpista~
I only achieved around 80 percent success with the rules for the first year here (and still to this day), but slowly and steadily the weight dropped in the right direction! I lost somewhere between 17 and 20 lbs my first year... And it hasn't come back on!
Anyway, a "crappy" day on NoS is still probably infinitely better than a crappy day pre-NoS..

So I screwed up yesterday too by using Richards sick day as an excuse to buy us delicious rice pudding! LOL..
Today should be fine~
See you later
Peace and Love,
Deb

[Hunter Gatherer]

So, is it required (to not hurt anyone's feelings) to eat the food right then? Could you, say, quietly save it for the next S day (or loudly for that matter "Oh, mom! How wonderful! I can't wait until Saturday to eat this!") That is what Navin does when someone sends a celebratory snack to his office, and he doesn't want to say no, he packs it home and saves it for the weekend.

I totally understand where you are coming from with "familial requirements". I have long been fascinated by the things different families consider "normal" or "abnormal". Who needs to send anthropologists anywhere? There's enough differentiation on one block to keep a dozen busy!

[harpista]

Wed. May 10th: Successssssss! Cue the ticker tape.

I even said "no thanks" to a bowl of Doritos...

Thoughts....

Does it count as a snack if you eat a little of the food you prepare (not in a to-season-it way)? Does it count if you also took accordingly less of the finished product?

I can have whatever I want at meals, including a snack food, right?

[This path is my life]

Harpista,

That's really excellent!! Congrats on your success!! For me, I really try not to eat ANYTHING between meals except water and tea, rarely it's a diet soda, but keeping this strictness really helps my sanity because for me it's easier to just not eat than to eat and stop.

Also, on the snack food thing, you can have anything you want for lunch as long as it's not a sweet. As Reinhard said "pretzels with lunch is lunch".

Great job on the doritos!!

Have a great day!

[gratefuldeb67]

Yay!!!!
Good for you!!!!!
I wouldn't sweat the food tasting so much as long as it's only a taste..
Really, that isn't going to get you..
It's the all day long snacking or large amounts that do you in!
This isn't official NoS advice, but this should be livable...

Great job!!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

And, if you don't mind me saying, your Mom is wrong about S days ruining everything... They are an essential steam valve and don't ruin anything... ... It's the N days and exercise that really makes the difference... Anyway. I'm sure you won't get too far trying to win your Mom's support so don't bother! LOL..

Heheheheh, that's what I thought too! Thanks though Deb. Sometimes someone else's perspective can really help...

Just keep the faith!!!
You'll get results even if you aren't perfect Harpista~
I only achieved around 80 percent success with the rules for the first year here (and still to this day), but slowly and steadily the weight dropped in the right direction! I lost somewhere between 17 and 20 lbs my first year... And it hasn't come back on!
Anyway, a "crappy" day on NoS is still probably infinitely better than a crappy day pre-NoS..

That's good to know, thanks! I figured it would help... my bigtime "S" is snacking, and I would have to say, if 80% of days I didn't snack, that would be an incredible improvement (considering what I snack ON).

And, soooo true. I've already begun finding that a bad N-day is still a lightyear ahead of a bad pre-No-S day.

[harpista]

So, is it required (to not hurt anyone's feelings) to eat the food right then? Could you, say, quietly save it for the next S day (or loudly for that matter "Oh, mom! How wonderful! I can't wait until Saturday to eat this!") That is what Navin does when someone sends a celebratory snack to his office, and he doesn't want to say no, he packs it home and saves it for the weekend.

Well, if I still made all appropriate happy-noises, I might get away with sneaking something away and hoarding it, but I'd have to try aboveboard and see.

In fact, I think I will try it. Caaaarefully.

I totally understand where you are coming from with "familial requirements". I have long been fascinated by the things different families consider "normal" or "abnormal". Who needs to send anthropologists anywhere? There's enough differentiation on one block to keep a dozen busy!

Hahhaha!

[harpista]

Harpista,

That's really excellent!! Congrats on your success!! For me, I really try not to eat ANYTHING between meals except water and tea, rarely it's a diet soda, but keeping this strictness really helps my sanity because for me it's easier to just not eat than to eat and stop.

Also, on the snack food thing, you can have anything you want for lunch as long as it's not a sweet. As Reinhard said "pretzels with lunch is lunch".

Great job on the doritos!!

Have a great day!

Thanks!

That's a very good point about eating and stopping. I like how it clarifies and simplifies things to be strict and not "interpret."

[harpista]

Yay!!!!
Good for you!!!!!
I wouldn't sweat the food tasting so much as long as it's only a taste..
Really, that isn't going to get you..
It's the all day long snacking or large amounts that do you in!
This isn't official NoS advice, but this should be livable...

Great job!!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

Oh noes!! I feel naughty

Oh well, it really WAS just a baby carrot.

[harpista]

Thu. May 11th: Success #2!!!

Wow, this one was awful. A really hungry day, as in, I ate oatmeal for breakfast and was hungry in an HOUR!! Incredible. Honestly, I couldn't believe it!

BUT I decided to tough things out and not panic... Also I made a very beany dish for dinner to try and shut my stomach up. It worked... for 2.5 hours

Thoughts:

1) I made tea biscuits for tea (the 4th meal I designated). Some of them were like a thumbprint cookie (I stacked an O on a circle, and put a small amount of jam in the circle). I'm not sure about the calorie balance, but believe it was in favour of the flour/shortening over the sugar. Is this an S food? Did I fail unknowingly?! I think I may let myself off THIS time for an unwitting mistake, because I didn't take much (in fact, did not fill half my plate) and I didn't ponder until later.

2) It turns out I will be going away for a week's vacation in southern California. *deep breath* I am still psyching myself up for No-S'ing while I'm on vacation. This should be interesting.

[gratefuldeb67]

NoS is very travel friendly! Just cut your sodas and desserts out on N days...
California has lots of healthy food.. Sushi in particular, so I've heard..
Good luck..
As for your oatmeal thing.. I never feel full from cereal alone.. I think you need to have a fruit and some protein too for it to last...
And as for the tea biscuits.. Yeah. They are S's... I mean it's cookies right?
No biggie though... You're learning... I guess a slice of toast and jam would be okay.. As long as it's a meal... The biscuits I would save those for the weekend...
What isn't a sweet that you can have with tea?
How bout those famous watercress/cucumber sandwiches??? LOL...

Good Luck!
Have a great trip and soak up some Sun!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

As for your oatmeal thing.. I never feel full from cereal alone.. I think you need to have a fruit and some protein too for it to last...

Well, I *did* have half a grapefruit... but I didn't have any turkey bacon, which is what I usually eat for breakfast protein. A good point, I will try this next time.

And as for the tea biscuits.. Yeah. They are S's... I mean it's cookies right?

Actually they're baking powder biscuits, like, the leavened bread. (Although my grandma calls cookies biscuits, most Canadians don't anymore, I believe.) So it was kinda like I put the jam on ahead of time *makes pleading eyes* Hehehehe!

Well, I give myself a pass on one time. BTW, they are really really nice with apricot jam. If you're looking for an S-day tea dainty.

What isn't a sweet that you can have with tea?
How bout those famous watercress/cucumber sandwiches??? LOL...

Deb!!! You rock! That's a great idea, and I'd completely forgotten those!

Have a great trip and soak up some Sun!!!

Not going til the 24th, so I still have some time to help cement my habit before the temptations of travel! I am freaked out a little by the sun, though: I'm almost as fair as a redhead and burn, do I ever. Ah well, titanium sunblock and a cute hat!

[pangelsue]

Congratulations, welcome and keep on working on this plan. You are taking small steps and great strides toward your goal. And you correct that you are learning more everyday. Keep thinking of your health and how good it will feel to feel good again. And maybe, just maybe after you start having success, your mom will realize this diet can work and join you. Who knows? My daughter thought this was just another diet I was trying and now that I have been on it several months, she is trying it too. We all have had some failure days. But success days get easier and easier. You sound like a very intelligent young woman who has made a good decision and is trying her best to stick to it even without the support of loved ones. Between your dad's snacks and your mother's undermining gifts, I think you are doing awesome. You are being spoon fed failure and you are rising above it. You are becoming the author of your own life. Good for you, Harpista. Meditate on all the wonderful goals you started out with. I have several quotes on my desk from the wonderfully supportive people on this board that I read when I am feeling overwhelmed and it really helps. On to another success!!!

[gratefuldeb67]

You are being spoon fed failure and you are rising above it. You are becoming the author of your own life.

Hey Pangel Sue...
I thought that was a really powerful thing to meditate on..
You are a wise woman!!!

Hi Harpista...
Go and rent Night at the Opera!
LOL...

Have a great day!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

Fri. May 12th: Success! #3
Sat. May 13th: S-Day
Sun. May 14th: S-Day

This has been hard. I was fairly "restrained" on this weekend but I still found it hard to go back to the rules today. I keep making stupid errors based on automatic pilot (aha, I have seen the enemy!), but I give myself a pass for any original mistakes, as long as it's not so bad as to be indefensible.

In future, if it's the same mistake twice, I'm going to count that as an S.

Edited to add:

Mon. May 15th: Failure
I underfilled my plates today and paid the price later. Arg. I have to remember to get proficient at one level before trying to up the ante.

[pangelsue]

Mondays are tough but you will get better if you just hang in there. You got to want it badly enough. Learn to love successes. They are sweet.

[gratefuldeb67]

Hi Harpie..
I overloaded my plate for at least the first half year of NoS... Then the portions went down on their own.. During that year I still managed to lose something between 17 and 20 lbs... That was with exercise..
I haven't gained it back... No not the quickest thing in the world, but like you said, you need to get the habits down in a humane way before you start upping the ante... Adding exercise as opposed to eating very small portions is really a great way to improve your health immediately!

Keep trying!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[harpista]

Mondays are tough but you will get better if you just hang in there. You got to want it badly enough. Learn to love successes. They are sweet.

I was VERY moderate for me, but all my sugar craving kicked in again just as hard as before! Does this get better? I even was thinking specifically of chocolate for the weekend, etc.

[harpista]

Hi Harpie..
I overloaded my plate for at least the first half year of NoS... Then the portions went down on their own.. During that year I still managed to lose something between 17 and 20 lbs... That was with exercise..
I haven't gained it back... No not the quickest thing in the world, but like you said, you need to get the habits down in a humane way before you start upping the ante... Adding exercise as opposed to eating very small portions is really a great way to improve your health immediately!

Keep trying!
Peace and Love,
Deb

Six months of overload portions? Okay maybe I am being a bit hard on myself, too soon!!!

Exercise is the great mental hurdle... I am caught in the endless loop of too-tired-don't exercise-too tired. I *know* I am, but it is still so hard to motivate myself to do anything. Perfunctory dog walks are the order of the day. I know it's bad but how do I break the cycle and motivate myself?!

I am a lot to heft about! I have lots more excuses where that came from!!

[harpista]

Tues. May 16th: Failure Drank another pop, but that was it as far as broken rules.
Wed. May 17th: Failure Snacking, donuts, EIGHT COOKIES, pop, multi-course restaurant meal, the works! Did I ever have a stomachache after the cookies and donut. And I felt very sick. That was a first! Actually it was inspiring!
Thu. May 18th: Failure Technically I may have had seconds- it was "virtual plating."
Fri. May 19th: Success!!!!! Yay!

So, successful, just in time for another weekend? Although there were several "80% days" in there, to borrow Deb's concept, so all is not lost.

I have found that pop is a massive, massive trigger for my sugar cravings. Of course, it DOES have high-fructose corn syrup in it, as far as I know, and is therefore never to be trusted. I don't even LIKE pop that much, other than ginger ale (and artisanal pop, which I rarely get), so why am I drinking it?!

[harpista]

Sat. May 20th: S-Day
Sun. May 21st: S-Day
Mon. May 22nd: S-Day Canada: Victoria Day weekend (statutory holiday)
Tues. May 23rd: S-Day because of extreme circumstances I have been so busy today I haven't had TIME to stop for meals- trying to get ready for my trip has been pretty last minute, work is crazy and I haven't had any time but today and 1/2 yesterday to get all that last minute junk done.

Argggggggh.

I am thinking when I'm on vacation I will allow courses as okay, but still avoid snacking, seconds when not at restaurants and sweets when not out and about. That seems workable?

[gratefuldeb67]

I have found that pop is a massive, massive trigger for my sugar cravings. Of course, it DOES have high-fructose corn syrup in it, as far as I know, and is therefore never to be trusted. I don't even LIKE pop that much, other than ginger ale (and artisanal pop, which I rarely get), so why am I drinking it?!

Preface:
This is going to sound really pedantic, but I am just speaking from my heart Harpie

I say that soda pop is the easiest thing to cut right out of your life and save yourself thousands of extra empty calories a week..
And considering your whole diabetes deal, I would treat it almost as seriously as if it were poison to you...

I also think that the quicker you cut it out, the quicker you will lose much of your sweet tooth...

Congrats on your continued efforts and keep it up!!!!
Peace and Love,
Deb

[carolejo]

I think your strategy for your holiday sounds like a good one.

I don't know how much time off you get in Canada (in the US I know it's terrible and they get something like 2 weeks a year only!). As a lucky European, I get 5 weeks holiday a year, so it's a big deal. I also do a lot of travelling for work - once or twice a month I'm away for a few days.

On holiday, I try to do NoS as far as possible, but I'll allow myself one nice multicourse meal per day (in a restaurant, say) and I'll allow myself the odd additional holiday treat - especially if its something that I haven't tried before and that you can't get back home, or the local speciality. If I'm strolling along the beach in the sunshine and I see an icecream van, I'll get a small icecream, for example. An occaisional waffle in Belgium, nice selection of soft cheeses after dinner in France, etc, etc.

If I'm travelling for work, I do NoS as strictly as I can, but with extra tolerance for screw-ups. You can't always control everything you see. (like the time a french colleague of mine went out to get lunch for us and brought it back to the office - big custard tarts, one each, no sandwiches or savory stuff! It was either eat the pie or go without completely! )

Even when I go crazy these days its still better - or at least no worse - than what I used to eat every single day before NoS.

Good luck!
C.

ps: I second Deb's comments about that soda pop. I used to have an issue paying a load of money to buy WATER instead, but then figured that was stupid. By buying the soda to get my 'money's worth' I was actually paying somebody else and ruining my health at the same time. Why on earth would I think it was a good thing to pay to get fatter and less healthy..?! That really doesn't make any sense now, does it?

[harpista]

I say that soda pop is the easiest thing to cut right out of your life and save yourself thousands of extra empty calories a week..
And considering your whole diabetes deal, I would treat it almost as seriously as if it were poison to you...

I also think that the quicker you cut it out, the quicker you will lose much of your sweet tooth...

That's pretty deep, Deb!

Do you drink (alcohol) at all? I was just wondering about substitute mixers: I can't have anything too acidic like cranberry or orange juice with alcohol (double trouble for my picky stomach), pop is both too sugary and frequently too acidic. I do go out with my friends a bit so this is a somewhat practical issue. I am staying moderate... but I am a single 20something after all...

[harpista]

You guessed it, ladies and gentlemen.

It's been over a month since I updated and why? WHY? I never went back to "everyday rules" after my vacation. I started a new job where I was working insane startup hours and they served free (junk) meals and.... Ooops.



In fact, I'm eating ice-cream. RIGHT NOW. Technically it is my "weekend" (Mon/Tues, this week anyway).

I am re-committing! I am back!

[harpista]

I think your strategy for your holiday sounds like a good one.

I don't know how much time off you get in Canada (in the US I know it's terrible and they get something like 2 weeks a year only!). As a lucky European, I get 5 weeks holiday a year, so it's a big deal. I also do a lot of travelling for work - once or twice a month I'm away for a few days.

On holiday, I try to do NoS as far as possible, but I'll allow myself one nice multicourse meal per day (in a restaurant, say) and I'll allow myself the odd additional holiday treat - especially if its something that I haven't tried before and that you can't get back home, or the local speciality. If I'm strolling along the beach in the sunshine and I see an icecream van, I'll get a small icecream, for example. An occaisional waffle in Belgium, nice selection of soft cheeses after dinner in France, etc, etc.

If I'm travelling for work, I do NoS as strictly as I can, but with extra tolerance for screw-ups. You can't always control everything you see. (like the time a french colleague of mine went out to get lunch for us and brought it back to the office - big custard tarts, one each, no sandwiches or savory stuff! It was either eat the pie or go without completely! )

Even when I go crazy these days its still better - or at least no worse - than what I used to eat every single day before NoS.

Good luck!
C.

ps: I second Deb's comments about that soda pop. I used to have an issue paying a load of money to buy WATER instead, but then figured that was stupid. By buying the soda to get my 'money's worth' I was actually paying somebody else and ruining my health at the same time. Why on earth would I think it was a good thing to pay to get fatter and less healthy..?! That really doesn't make any sense now, does it?

Carolejo, I just want to thank you for these thoughtful comments I didn't acknowledge before.

I'm back. And I will take your comments seriously the next "stress period" I have.

[This path is my life]

Welcome back Harpista!! I am wishing you a successful day. You can do it. Just think about the next 1 or 2 weeks and getting there. No-S is for life, so I'm glad that you've found your way back again.

[pangelsue]

Welcome back, Harpista. It isn't starting over, it is just continuing. It's a process, babe. We are all human and imperfect. Keep us posted.

[harpista]

Wed. July 19th Partial success
No snacks and no seconds, but I had a Jello pudding in my work lunch. I guess it's time to figure out better things to pack in my cooler. Oh, and I had a small (5 oz?) glass of apple juice.

***

It is actually refreshing to be thinking this way again. Even if I am not perfect, it cuts down that anxiety around food and control that a fat, hungry person can sometimes feel.

Incidentally when I started my new job (after my vacation in late May), in June, I weighed 288 lb.

This morning, I weigh 274 lb., which is, I suppose, due to the heavy activity for the startup of the store. I certainly wasn't watching what I ate in any way although I was too busy or too tired for snacking.

[pangelsue]

I'd be thrilled with a 14 lb weight loss!!!! Congratulations. Wow! That is a great head start. Keep building on that.

[harpista]

I'd be thrilled with a 14 lb weight loss!!!! Congratulations. Wow! That is a great head start. Keep building on that.

Yes- I want to run with this momentum! I'm still getting used to full-time hours and being on my feet again, but it's a great kick start

[harpista]

Thu. July 20th: Partial success

No Seconds, No Snacking.

Another small glass of apple juice, plus an iced tea later. I drink the juice as a "kick start" for my blood sugar before I can get my breakfast ready; mornings are HARD for me. I may decide to let myself have the juice, but I'll think about/experiment with that some more.

Fri. July 21st: Partial success

No Seconds, No Snacking.

I had a Mountain Dew today. When I got off work at 9:30pm I was ravenous and ate a KFC combo. Totally healthy, I'm sure; but since I am up for an early shift tomorrow starting at 8:30, I didn't want to take the time to cook.

I'm sooo tired.

[harpista]

Pangelsue and This path is my life, THANKS for those kind words welcoming me back

It's good to remember that previous efforts are not a loss because I wandered for a while, they were all part of 'practicing' the No-S lifestyle.

[harpista]

Sat. July 22nd: Failure

Just too many slips. I can barely remember Saturday at this point! Yes, I know that was yesterday, as I write this in the wee hours of Monday... I just know it didn't go well. I remember there were No Seconds. That's it.

Why can't I remember yesterday? It was my official first day in my new job (promotion). I am the lowest tier of management at work now, and I've never done this kind of work in my life. It's scary and stressful but I think will be good for me.

Sun. July 23rd: S-Day

Yay for my Grandma's scalloped potatoes. Nostalgia on a plate!! I find I no longer have a taste (!) for Doritos, which were served at happy hour at Grandma's. I ate them, but I don't like them much anymore- too messy, too salty and artificial tasting. Suddenly I find them disgusting- I was, however, hungry. Sleeping in threw off my balance today.

[harpista]

Mon. July 24th: Partial success

No Seconds, No Snacking

I have GOT to come up with better solutions for work lunches (prepackaged stuff is crap and often sugary and full of chemicals), as well as finding some way of having dinners ready for me when I work the late shift (1pm-9:30 pm; I eat once beforehand, have a "lunch" break and then I get off work and am starving).

Frozen preportioned meals? I don't have a microwave. Maybe I could crock pot to have food ready when I arrive home? Eating junk food (KFC again today) is fattening and comes with that tempting pop.

As for work- I've gotta pack lots of fruits and veggies (which I've begun to do) but I also need to find non-sugary stuff to round it out. I am starving, starving at work when it gets to lunchtime.

[harpista]

Tues. July 25th-Mon. July 31st: Failures, Partial successes, and a couple S-Days

I honestly forget at this point. Life is a little blurry. I am very tired and find it hard to avoid sweets (low low willpower) and even the odd snack.

Tues. Aug. 1st: S-Day, 3 pills

I was strongly tempted to label this one a failure even though it's an S-Day.

I slept late which screwed up my hunger patterns, I ate too much sugary sweets Mom brought back from the parents' weekend away (and I didn't like them much but I still ate them), I didn't make proper meals.

I felt sick, almost hungover, and tired all day. It's incredible how I don't react well to extreme doses of sugar anymore!

I have decided to include taking my 3 pills a day (the Glucophage/metformin I previously mentioned) as a condition of my success, because I just DON'T think about it, yet it's very important that I do remember to take them consistently. Consistency in pill taking is a real challenge for me, but if I link it to No-S I think I'll be more likely to remember.

[harpista]

Wed. Aug. 2nd: Failure 2/3? pills

No Seconds

I spent yesterday night downtown with my brother and mother, and we had dinner, including dessert and fancy schmancy (lovely) European beers, at a beer bistro in downtown T.O.

Thurs. Aug. 3rd: Failure 1/3 pills

I had lots of snacks, and a few sweet things today. Arg.

As pointed out in recent-ish posts, stress equals snacking. Since I've been promoted lately at work (now head cashier at a housewares store, let's call it "Housewares"), I have flipped out a bit, since I have no "manager" experience. I am trying to find my sea legs again, but hypercritical of myself, watched/criticized by others, and suffering in the meantime

It saps my energy and even my ability to sleep well. Thus I am again tempted by sugary bits and snacks for "energy," and my emotional "grip" is loosened.

Anyway I should be in bed rather than typing this, speaking of sleep. *sigh*

[This path is my life]

Focus on the positive! Don't give up Harpista! You can overcome this!! For me personally one of my biggest challenges is to not eat when I'm feeling very emotional (it used to be any strong emotion, even happiness, but now I've reduced it to just having the urge because of unpleasant emotions). You have to fight that urge!! In as little as 20 minutes the desire to eat over something that is upsetting you can be gone as long as you focus on something else positive, productive or both. That's my experience and opinion on that. Try to occupy yourself with something else, it really can work wonders.

Just think, right now you are feeling stressed about your new job and the responsibilities that come with that. That's natural, but think about how in a few weeks or maybe less this job will start feeling more familiar and won't be as intimidating anymore because you will have shown yourself already that you can do it. Now keeping that in mind, do you really need to give into the stress snacking/sweets temptations? When you look back on this point in a few weeks won't you feel happier if you adjusted to the job without the "food crutch"? So, just keep telling yourself that you can resist!! And keep telling yourself that you can do the job, you were promoted for a reason, because other people know you can do it too! I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.

[harpista]

Focus on the positive! Don't give up Harpista! You can overcome this!! For me personally one of my biggest challenges is to not eat when I'm feeling very emotional (it used to be any strong emotion, even happiness, but now I've reduced it to just having the urge because of unpleasant emotions). You have to fight that urge!! In as little as 20 minutes the desire to eat over something that is upsetting you can be gone as long as you focus on something else positive, productive or both. That's my experience and opinion on that. Try to occupy yourself with something else, it really can work wonders.

Just think, right now you are feeling stressed about your new job and the responsibilities that come with that. That's natural, but think about how in a few weeks or maybe less this job will start feeling more familiar and won't be as intimidating anymore because you will have shown yourself already that you can do it. Now keeping that in mind, do you really need to give into the stress snacking/sweets temptations? When you look back on this point in a few weeks won't you feel happier if you adjusted to the job without the "food crutch"? So, just keep telling yourself that you can resist!! And keep telling yourself that you can do the job, you were promoted for a reason, because other people know you can do it too! I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.

Thank you!!

I have discovered that it wasn't JUST the stress... it was also PMS, I have never been good at keeping track of my dates. Of course the PMS probably fed the stress and vice versa, but I think it was hormonally-related craving, in the main. It was.... totally unreasonable. Small-child I wanna's.

That said, while I did not reply immediately... this reponse helped me to curb it at least, before today.

[harpista]

Fri. Aug. 4th, Sat. Aug. 5th: NO IDEA!!

Honestly I need way more sleep than this. I can't remember if YESTERDAY was a success!

Sat. Aug 6th: S-Day 2/3 pills

I'm going to bed after this.

I've got to come up with some energy to exercise. I know, it's a Catch 22. It doesn't help that I hurt my heel on a ladder at work and it's been acting up the last week or so, to the point I sometimes can't stay standing on it, AND I am having problems with a nerve in my leg.

I get a large, recurring numb patch (more often numb than not) that sometimes "burns" and has painful pins and needles. My understanding from my doctor is that my, er, pendulous belly is pinching off a nerve. Most of her patients with this problem are apparently skinny women who wear pants that are too tight, too often.

It's been around for a few years that I recall, but it's a lot worse now (it didn't burn or get pins and needles before) and I worry about permanent nerve damage.

Just another motivator.

[harpista]

So, it's October! Wow, time flies when you're having fun. Last posted weight, July 20th, was 274 lb.

I had reached a weight of 264 lb in early September, my five-year lowest weight.

THEN the following snags:

* A week-long business trip where I ate everything at restaurants and had nothing to do at night but watch TV, which I strongly relate to snacking (and you can bet I snacked, baby!). (+5 lb)

* An extremely stressful situation where I had personal problems relating to a superior. Lots of stress leads to eating, for me. (Might have contributed to what I call the Thanksgiving pounds.)

* Canadian Thanksgiving! (+3 lb)

Then I was 272 lb.

HOWEVER:

* My post-Canadian-Thanksgiving weight gain (which had me up at 272) only stuck around for only two or three days of moderation, drinking tons of water, and walking the dog for an hour a day. (-3)

SO:

I am currently 269 lb., a total of -19 lb!!! since beginning No-S!

****

OTHER DEVELOPMENTS:

Personal stress and frustration, mostly from the superior-relations problem, have driven me into long walks with my long-suffering dog. He can hardly believe his luck; I can hardly believe how easy it is once you start doing it. These walks are 50 minutes to an hour and twenty minutes long! I hestitate to say Urban Ranger lest I jinx it, but Reinhard did say:

When you're in a funk. To listen to an audiobook. When you don't know what to do next. It's a great antidepressant.

Yes it is. It's quite the funk I've been battling, but it has helped a LOT! I'm already thinking of ski goggles for winter wind and cleats for the ice.

[harpista]

STILL WALKING! That's right, I'm still going on those big walks of 1.5-2 hours each, and I'm bringing my pooch, who's still a touch on the tub o' lab side. I had a foot injury, but I missed it so much during that three week period that I got right back to walking after. Walking is helping me blow off a lot of steam, frustration, and general funk. I bought a nice fluffy parka from Eddie Bauer (in a 3x, I'll beat that next time!!) and a radio, both for taking dog-walks.

My weight is 268 lb. as of two days ago. I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas without gaining 20 lb. I made it through without doing anything more than fluctuating up 5 lb. for a weeeeeek!!!!!! VICTORY!!! What is harder to show to people (well, unless you get to look at me naked, which is UNLIKELY) is that from working my new job and standing so much, my muscle tone and posture have greatly improved, and my abs are tighter, so I look a lot better and have smaller measurements, despite what (in numbers) is a long stall. I am wearing a smaller band in my bra (from a 44 to a 42) and smaller in pants (from 24 to a 22/20).

I haven't been perfect in 2006, and I still am not a member of the 21 Club or even the 7 day club (ARGH) but just trying to apply No-S philosophy consistently has been a help. I definitely cannot binge like I used to, I get sick to my stomach. I don't even want to, usually, unless under the influence of renegade hormones. And I have developed a revulsion about unnecessary snacking. Because of blood sugar issues, I still can't be cutting snacks ("tea") completely out of my life but I definitely don't believe in eating just because I can any more. And I have left food on my plate because I didn't WANT IT. Staggering!

I am determined that 2007 will be as successful for me as 2006 has been, and that my weight will only go one way (DOWN). Motivations this year are a little more focused... I actually have a lot to look forward to this year, and I think my fitness level is beginning to become a leadership issue and an image issue, so it's a major focus, unlike 2006 when it was one concern amongst many. And I'm actually, finally liking myself and my life enough to think about dating again. The wider my physical appeal (as opposed to my hips) the better.

[pangelsue]

Nice to hear from you, Harpista! It has been a long time. Cngraulations on the goals achieved in 2006. You have really been working and I am amazed at your awesome attitude. When you first started here, you were so down on yourself and every failure was a major deal but you sound so in control of your life and future now. Wow! You can be really proud of 2006 and I believe with the attitudes you have moving into 2007, you can't help but be a winner. Onward and upward, girl! Or should I say, woman. I am so impressed.

[harpista]

Nice to hear from you, Harpista! It has been a long time. Cngraulations on the goals achieved in 2006. You have really been working and I am amazed at your awesome attitude. When you first started here, you were so down on yourself and every failure was a major deal but you sound so in control of your life and future now. Wow! You can be really proud of 2006 and I believe with the attitudes you have moving into 2007, you can't help but be a winner. Onward and upward, girl! Or should I say, woman. I am so impressed.

Thank you panglesue! I'm blushing

It's definitely true that I am more in control. I feel like I'm finally starting on growing up (at age 25)!! It has its benefits!

And it's true what you've said- I am definitely way nicer to myself and reasonable about setbacks than I was previously. I hadn't really noticed that particular progress though, so thanks for the pointing it out

Onward and upward indeed and I will definitely be updating a little more to keep things current and accountable!

[harpista]

268-271 lb. depending on the day, over the last week. I'm bloated to various degrees, it's moon time, and don't take it seriously (I have a large body right now, so it must be able to hold large-ish amounts of water?)

Currently I am basking in the afterglow of a long walk with my pooch.

Recently I have begun to take more careful notice of how No-S'y I am being, and I noticed... DEFINITE slipping!!! Snacks are back in and so are sweets (especially sweet drinks: a particular problem).

The good news is, I have discovered I quite like a spritzer, and find them more refreshing than pop or juice. I use 1/3-1/2 juice (cranberry, orange, whatever) and the rest is club soda, and sometimes I add some lemon or lime. I know this technically is in the gray area or counts as funny business, but I think it will prove handy for the elusive "not too sugary, not acidic and causing my stomach to act up, not too expensive, easy to drink" socializing drink. And it's healthier (chemicals-wise). And vodka is cheaper and way less sugary than my previous staple, which is Malibu (coconut rum liqueur) and Coke.

I am proud, no delighted!! to say, however, that I also noticed I have begun to self-medicate stress and anxiety with those long walks instead of with food! Dare I call myself an Urban Ranger? I am beginning to cotton to the idea instead of shuddering with distaste.

I also have begun "not finishing." I save potato chips, pieces of potatoes, pieces of chicken, parts of dessert.... I put HALF A CHOCOLATE BAR AWAY FOR LATER. TWICE!! That is jaw-droppingly normal. I have never in the past "understood" the ability to do that, or really even the concept of it!

Tomorrow is an S-day (I settled on "any day I have off from work and any social thing is an S day" because I often work more than 20 days a month and socializing is so rare now). Despite that, I am ready to move forward with strictly monitoring my S's tomorrow (clarify: I only want to have one or two S's, not graze on crap all day) and then beyond.

Keeping strict track actually helps me keep conscious, I'm finding.

[harpista]

Sat. Jan. 14th: S-Day

I woke up around 1-o'clockish, it's my day off!

I went directly to eating lunch: what, for lack of the real name, we call Tuna Surprises. They are halved English muffins, with a tuna-cheese-hard boiled egg-veggie mixture put on top, and then melted/browned under the broiler. I had my three halves. There were no seconds to take! (Note to self: may come in handy in future when cooking for family meals.)

Took 1st dose of pills. Took a long walk.

For teatime around 4-o'clockish, I made thumbprint tea biscuits (the quick bread), which are a circle with an O on top, and the O is filled with.... apricot preserves. Delicious. And orange pekoe tea (that's the black tea of Canada).

Later I had a very small snack of pita chips.

For dinner I am currently in-process making Mulligatawny Soup, and I will serve that with some nice artisanal loaf my brother brought home.

I am not super worried about making it through tonight without snacking. It's an S Day. I had a small snack earlier but I could weasel that as part of my third, no my fourth meal through virtual plating.

Pills update: I have switched to taking two pills in the morning, one at night. This is on the advice of my endocrinologist, who has heard about my inability to remember 3 doses per day.

Eventually it will be upped to two and two.

Edited to add: I had a nice bowl of Mulligatawny soup, two pieces of crusty bread. Laster, after walking with the dog for an hour and a half, I felt unrepentantly hungry and hell, it's an S Day. So I ate a handful of pita chips, about 1.5 cups of tortilla chips and salsa, and a small yogurt with about a tablespoon of chocolate chips stirred into it.

I really enjoyed today. I have been by no means abstemious but just THINKING about it has got me way more moderate than I otherwise would have been (let's be honest!). Forgot my second dose of pills!!

Edited to add: Add a mini bag of Pringles... 120 calories but... still. I need to go to bed NOW!!!

[harpista]

Mon. Jan. 15th: Failure- 2/3: No snacks, sweets, seconds
Walked, WHAT SNOWSTORM?
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast Yogurt, cantelope; 2 slices turkey bacon, 1/2 potato made into homefries, hot chocolate (HC is definitely funny stuff but I didn't even think of it until now).

Lunch 1/4 chicken- dark (Swiss Chalet), french fries, roll. Iced tea (OH SON of a HEADLESS MONKEY. Another drink without think!! )

Tea Yogurt, handful of crunchit cheesies, water.

Dinner Small piece of veggie lasagna, Caesar salad.

OOPS Two snack packages of mini Pringles, a handful of pita chips and a huge glass of water.

I really did almost make it. I had my big glass of water after getting in from my walk ("I'll just drink this and go to sleep,") and then I hit the computer desk and had snacks staring me in the face on my desk. Cue the zombie music/pose.

I notice the food I eat at home is superior in quality to the food I eat at work (excepting the Pringles, I know that's ew), especially if I'm running out the door without time to prepare a lunch. That's not good, and it certainly means I don't have time to groom myself appropriately to project a good image either. So (currently staring at the time ) I definitely need to go to bed and get up earlier to facilitate this process!

Besides, sleep deprivation leads to weight gain, I hear.

Also I started keeping track on my calendar: success/failure (red or green x, I should get a blue pencil crayon), whether I walked and whether I have my period.

[harpista]

Tues. Jan. 16th: Failure- 1/3: No snacks, sweets, seconds
Didn't walk, preferred couch surfing!
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast Two slices of light rye, toasted, 1 piece of cheese, 1 yogourt

Lunch 3 pieces of cheese, homemade veggie soup, canteloupe, juice

Tea Yogurt, other half of the crunchit cheesies, granola bar

Ohmygodohmygod Crackers and processed cheese slices (that disgusts me in retrospect), snack mix (Doritos, pretzels, cheeses, Sun chips), pita chips, juice, I think that's it?

Dinner Baked chicken breast, green beans, white rice

Ohmygod pt.2 Pita chips

All in all, NOT a good day. Yesterday a few things conspired against my willpower.

1) I was exhausted. Four and a half hours' sleep is just NOT doable;
2) I had two different sources of stress at work, neither of which I'm going to write about in detail. One was inability to complete a task assigned, and the other was my boss probing about my relationship to someone else in the company (which I don't particularly want to clarify for anyone, I'm not really sure myself).
3) I haven't refilled my pill organizer- and in morning rushes, that means I end up not taking my pills. BAD. The second dose, I just "forgot" as is fairly usual (and fairly BAD too)!

I came home a quivering mass of anxiety and stress, and (insert my lifelong coping pattern here:) watched Dr. Phil and the news, while I just shovelled in the snacks. At least I stayed away from the sugary drinks; I reminded myself that Reinhard said no-sugar-added juice was okay and he IS right that you can't drink nearly as much- it was a very small amount.

Then I said something like "snap out of it!" to myself, got up and did other things, but I'd already had a binge-type episode. Okay, fine, a binge. However I did manage to snap out of it and it was nowhere near my past episodes; this is progress. I find that the TV is a very dangerous place for me to sit. I associate it with snacking, especially when watching junk food TV (talk shows- ugh, I don't respect myself when I do that- I definitely think of the better ways I could use my time too).

In the good news department, I discovered that my walk route is approximately 2.5km each direction! That's 5 km!! Or just over 3 miles I think it is

[pangelsue]

Harpista,
I admire you for hanging in there and using introspection to study your failures. Some of us need to take this on in bits and pieces until we get it right. Keep at it and you will get there.

[harpista]

Harpista,
I admire you for hanging in there and using introspection to study your failures. Some of us need to take this on in bits and pieces until we get it right. Keep at it and you will get there.

Hi pangelsue!

I am going to keep trying and keep on going- this is the only thing that has ever worked for me without severe pain (of the stomach!) and in fact the only thing that ever seemed relatively "easy."

The fact that I am lower weight now than I have been in yeaaars is mostly due to modified No-S'ing while I was "off the radar" here (through the holidays). I wasn't perfect but I basically kept it to one S per day. Now I'd like to concentrate my efforts more. I know it works for me!

Thanks for the encouragement- the last couple days have been really hard.

[harpista]

Wed. Jan 17th: I'm calling this a SUCCESS: No snacks, sweets, seconds
Didn't walk, worked late on inventory
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast 2 slices turkey bacon, 1 egg, 1 slice processed cheese, 1 English muffin = homemade egg mcmuffin, plus a piece of heavy seeded rye bread (buttered) and a yogurt and some canteloupe and 2 glasses of fruit juice. Stacking may have allowed for a little bestial behaviour here.

Lunch Homemade vegetable soup, 1 piece heavy seeded rye (buttered), 1 small chicken breast, 1/2 a canteloupe, fruit juice

Tea 1 banana, 1 granola bar of the Quaker Chewy variety

Dinner About 1/3 cup rice, 6 mini chicken vegetable spring rolls, *plum sauce*, a handful of snack chips, 1 piece heavy seeded rye bread (buttered), fruit juice AGAIN

Possible OOPS moment A coworker gave me 2 cherry candies in substitution for my usual mints, which I am completely out of (I am a peppermint Altoids addict). However I was kinda stuck because I talk to the public all day AND I forgot my water bottle. I can't have stale mouth if I deal with the public.

I'm giving myself a pass on today. But here's what funny business I don't allow to happen again and still call it a pass:

- NO more than 1 or 2 glasses of juice (four was excessive and is basically an S for me, I really love sweet drinks apparently).
- The candies- not good at all- but I decided to allow myself to have my Altoids as they serve a purpose, and these were in lieu- holy rationalization, Batman!!
- Plum sauce??? WHAT WAS I (NOT) THINKING?

However I'm giving myself this one on a skate. The fact that I managed to eat relatively healthy and NOT stuff myself silly waiting for my dinner to cook (at 11:50pm) is a superb victory, given my stress level today!

[harpista]

Thu. Jan. 18th: S-Day
Didn't walk, was busy watching my dog for signs of imminent death (really)
Pills dose one, dose two

Fri. Jan. 19th: Failure- 1/3: No snacks, no sweets, no seconds
Didn't walk, still leery of stimulating dog
Pills dose one, dose two

It is DEFINITELY not on my dog's diet to eat cooked chicken bones

He seems like he will be okay, since there was no emergency-type symptoms in the first 24 hours, but I'm going to keep my eye on him.

So yes:

Breakfast Fried egg sandwich with cheese, salsa, two cups of tea

Lunch Tuna sandwich, coffee, sour cream doughnut ... I succumbed to the evil that is the combo. I fully intended not to order anything sweet until they waved the seductive combo deal in front of me.

Tea Crunchits cheesies.

Dinner Cauliflower with cheese sauce, chicken thighs in white wine & etc., mashed potatoes, a little white wine. (When I say a little, I meant I drink approximately one shot at a time, since that's all my stomach can handle.)

[harpista]

Sat. Jan. 20th: I'm calling it Success, no snacks, no sweets, no seconds
No walking, you wouldn't likely either on four hours' sleep in the bitter weather
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast One cooked chicken breast (Hurray for leftovers!)

Lunch Cauliflower with cheese, garlic mashed potatoes, chicken thighs in white wine & etc. (Yay leftovers- best lunch in the store!)

Tea Huge banana, yogurt, 1/2 package crunchit cheesies left over from yesterday.

Dinner Broccolli with cheese sauce (I think there was a wee bit too much cheese sauce), 1/2 a potato with butter, and chicken spring rolls (with a touch of plum sauce, but I'm feeling irritable and decided that was legitimate, I'm a condiment fanatic sometimes).

Then I let myself off with my (predetermined!!) escape clause:
Socializing!!!!!! I had a smallish piece of Bourbon Pecan Pie. Maybe my taste buds are more appreciative now! It actually was ridiculously good.

AND I had two drinks: a OJ/soda mix with vodka in them, so as not to be drinking a ton of juice, and so as to avoid breaking the glass ceiling AND have weak, big drinks: something I definitely can pay more attention to. I also tasted the sweet potato fries my friend got. But just five or so.

Then my escape clause expired because I came home. I consider myself to have behaved within parameters so I am calling this a success (1 tbsp. of plum sauce, be damned). AND I came home to take a reasonable sleep, so, 'night No-Sers...

[harpista]

Sun. Jan. 21st: Could that be a real Success?
Took the short walk, I'm tired but I haven't gone in five days!!!
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast 1/2 potato (previously cooked) fried in butter , plus two slices turkey bacon, water

Lunch A tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat (Tim Horton's), water

Tea "Saved" for later, I was too tired to eat

Dinner 1 small chicken pot pie, four chicken fingers, 1 small potato, green beans, water!!

Late night Tea Grilled cheese sandwich with bread and butter pickles, ketchup (I am not giving up my condiments, I am not giving up my condiments- I will lose it), 1 extra piece of bread with butter, apple juice

I feel like this was a success in the letter of the law rather than the spirit, but there you have it. Legal. Virtual plating makes me feel dirty somehow, maybe I'm still in the "fence around the diet" stage?

Breakfast and Lunch were definitely WAY too light. Skipping my break time snack may have contributed to the extreme night hunger. You can see the downgrade in food choices but at the same time: that's a lot better than say, grabbing four pieces of bread and just eating them plain... not that I've done that <cough>much</cough>.

LAST night I almost screwed up. I stopped myself, chewing the cracker, had a moment of anguished internal debate and... spit it out again.

I am starting to notice my hipbones and where my natural waist is under the fat. It's encouraging to think there will likely be a fairly nice result if I get down to a healthy bodyfat percentage.

[harpista]

Mon. Jan. 22nd: Half S-Day/Half Success (I think?)
Took a very short walk, just keeping my hand (foot?) in
Pills dose one, dose two

I had a half day off so technically I think this was a half-day of No S. I think. I'm just plain confused. In any case I am so tired today (mon>tues was a bad night) that I don't remember the mundane well.

I know I was fairly well-behaved and only had two naughty things. A snack (which was a piece of buttered bakery bread, and real hot chocolate).

Tues. Jan. 23rd: Success
Walking? What, you mean back to the couch or bed?
Pills dose one, dose two

Breakfast Fried egg in toast sandwich, with cheese slice and salsa
Lunch Tuna salad on whole wheat (Timmie's again), Miss Vickie's chips
Tea I swear I ate something, I just can't remember it
Dinner A small, just-cheese thin crust pizza (yes I know; however it did fit on my dinner plate, so it wasn't that big)

The major component of success today was ignoring the pint of Haagen-Dazs Mayan Chocolate in my freezer. Which I bought yesterday when I walked to the supermarket and then decided I didn't want (!) so I'd have some another time (!). And now I'm wanting it, but I decided it isn't worth it.

Also, I have a semi-blind date for coffee tomorrow morning (that's actually success itself), and I didn't demolish the fridge in "preparation"

[harpista]

Wed. Jan. 23rd: Failure 1/3- No snacks, no sweets, no seconds
Didn't walk, feeling that "lazy" setting in
Pills dose one, dose two

So that didn't go too well. I got stood up. I never understand men. First you're anxious to date me, then you just don't show up? Or at least, were a HALF AN HOUR late... which is when I walked, and it should have been at 15 or 20 minutes... Argh

I managed to avoid snack mode, but I did end up drinking a hot chocolate when I walked back home freezing. And I did end up eating the evil McDonald's and my brother got me an iced tea... which I promptly drank unthinkingly.

Thu. Jan. 24th: S-Day
Walked, and was that ever cold
Pills dose one, dose two

It was an S-Day. I was pretty naughty for dinner (KFC), but have discovered I am rapidly losing my taste for crap. A McCain Deep and Delicious cake tastes like plastic suddenly. And KFC is disgustingly greasy.

It was just... gross.

[harpista]

Still at 268...

But then, No-S'ing and walking my dog have been shoved aside by frequently crushing stress levels. And I'm a comfort eater. Or to be precise, I'm beyond that, I'm a comfort-food-on-the-comfy-couch-wrapped-in-a-blanket-with-copious-tea eater.

I was at Dr. Chong's the other day (well, he's one of my doctors), and when I complained about my worries about a) my stalled weight loss, and b) my disproportionate belly causing me image problems at work, he just looked at me and said "Well, the continued weight loss and change of body shape will be difficult or impossible, until you get your stress levels under control"

Me: "Cortisol?"

Dr. Chong: "You marinate in it."

I have regular problems with anxiety getting out of hand. Thankfully I have learned to talk myself down from it (when I hit the stage of worrying about how much I'm worrying, I tend to take myself firmly in hand). But it is yet another thing I have to combat energetically to save my health (now mentally AND physically).

I find I tend to run on stress. It's what gets me to do stuff (I can't take the level of stress so I finally get off my butt), it's what gets me to work on time (I can't take the level of internal alarms going off so I finally get off my butt), it's what forces me to concentrate the best. It's what finally gets me to search for something in my appalling pig sty.

And I have to stop it. And it's kinda a source of stress in itself to realize that my procrastinator ways aren't just sabotaging my habits but are also chemically feeding my health problems.

I have been ever-so-slowly overhauling my pig sty, but the level of crap is very, very high (years of filing; piles of books, papers and magazines all over; disorganized dressers; not enough bookshelves; ...) and it's slow, tough and very boring. I have been trying to streamline my routine when I get up so I don't get wired with stress in the mornings, with moderate success.

So to reduce my levels of cortisol: I need organization, I need a strict time to get up (2 hours before work starts), I need to become a complete bedtime martinet. And I need to find a way to blow off more stress. I know there's a classic method they recommend for it (ahem), but let's just say, I'm too darn stressed for that even!

I remember when I used to swim for 1-2 hours a day, three days a week; I was almost blissful at times in that pool. I found myself giggling when I remembered a Big Problem I was having with a boyfriend. Maybe I should swim. Or meditate, or do yoga? SOMETHING calming.

I also read something very, very interesting in Oprah's magazine. It was an article that said until you get over your fear of hunger, you can't expect to lose weight and keep it off. I am quite afraid of hunger (I have blood sugar problems!! I get light-headed!! Etc.) but the amount of time the author recommended to go without eating (8 hours) I have easily done before when I did it without thinking when I was busy, but I was then HORRIFIED when I realized it and sought food immediately.

[harpista]

It has come to the point where I want to quit my job. It's not the job itself (which I like), but the insane amount of stress I have (mostly logistics- getting use of computers, travelling, getting to training sites, etc.; and interpersonal stresses) has caused several freak-outs of alarming force and duration.

My weight has creeped up- no, let's not lie, it has BOUNDED upward in the last 2-3 weeks to 278 pounds this morning. That's an appalling gain of ten pounds in 2-3 weeks. I think it was stress combined with a lack of healthy eating while spending about 2.5 weeks away, for work.

The stress I am under is not just job related. My parents are both facing health problems (worsening DIABETES!!! with a knee giving way, and an ANGIOGRAM!!! respectively), which remind me of the urgency for me to LOSE weight not gain it. And soul-searching tells me that while I may be enjoying retail, I really want to do something with more meaning. And I want to be educated (other than my two, ill-starred stints at university and a college one-year diploma).

I am so stressed out I am a zombie on my days off and I sleep obsessively. And my diet "on the road" is disgusting, with the minor plus of it being harder to snack conveniently.

Really I don't know what to do now. I am basically addicted to making money, and finally having started to make above the bare minimums of survival, I don't want to give it up. The love of money is the root of all...

[mimi]

Hello Harpista! The bottom line is, if you don't have your health you won't be able to enjoy your money! You know that No S works by the amount of weight you have lost in the past. That in itself is so inspiring! You have stuck with this lifestyle through many ups and downs. I react to stress very badly too - at least I used to before I was introduced to No S. I'm rooting for you - little steps at a time. We can do this!
mimi

[harpista]

Here we are in 2009, and I have been lurking a while, psyching myself up to return to No-S. In the intervening year(s), my weight is up to 295 lbs (today) at 5' 6" - 5' 7". I recently turned 28. Re-reading my entries, I went into an extremely painful and tough time both at work and personally when I stopped posting. I was not automatic yet, and still putting a lot of focus on just getting the habits together. So No-S was, as Reinhard has put it, the thing that got thrown overboard first in rough seas. I am not sure when exactly my weight went back up.

But the good news is, I am now doing a completely different job! Same company, with all different people, different boss, in a different location very convenient to my home. With a few exceptions, my work stress level is almost non-existent. My schedule is regular, it's all office work, and I make slightly more money than before.

I notice it's the same time of year now, as when I first started No-S: the area of my birthday (May 6) through Victoria Day weekend (tomorrow). I was on vacation in Paris from May 1st - May 10th. My whole family went together- Mom, Dad, brother and I. Paris was pretty incredible, my first time outside North America AND my first time in Europe. But I found myself thinking about No-S all the time I was there, and trying to casually conform to it, so I'm back!

I couldn't snack or have seconds in those fabulous restaurants, but I did have sweets and appetizers. There was amazing french bread... duck in pepper sauce... superlative creme brulee... pots de creme au chocolat... croissants... potatoes dauphinois... the list of dishes and food items 'spoiled' for me to eat here in Canada is long, so it is a hidden diet plus. We were pretty serious about going to good restaurants. As a sample, we went to Le Grand Colbert (the movie Something's Gotta Give shows that restaurant), and Le Train Bleu (in no movie I know of, but famous for its food and art nouveau beauty) on my birthday. Somehow, I didn't gain a pound, in fact I lost a couple. Insanity. We walked 2-8 hours every day, which is probably why my weight did not budge despite indulgence.

My health is not improved by the weight gain since last I checked in here. In the intervening time, I have had some other bad news about my health. I have a fatty liver (amongst other organs, but it's the one showing up on bloodwork as actively affected). I have had readings of 2x normal liver enzymes (Oct 2008) and earlier this week, 4x. I remain hopeful this was somewhat affected by the virus I have been fighting since my last days in Paris. But I'm still very disturbed. I have quite the laundry list of problems to consider. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome with Insulin Resistant Features, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (also new), overproduction of acid (but no ulcers thank God) and, as might be somewhat inevitable, I have anxiety problems as well as a pre-existing mood disorder. Diabetes, heart disease and cancer are all present in my family in sufficient force that they leave me shaking in my boots.

It seems being an adult doesn't really get easier (work, money or anything!), but I am confident in my ability to succeed using No-S. I think I have to get over the expectation of having perfect focus. Certainly the last couple years have helped me learn to juggle responsibilities. And I hope, this time to get to the point of automation with No-S, and finally achieve 21 Club membership. That will help me continue to succeed in a life prone to throwing curve balls at me. I am optimistic and cheerful, but things are getting to serious 'crunch time.'

Tomorrow is an S-Day (Victoria Day) but it will help me to have that day to psych up, and prepare for the week. Having good, filling breakfast and lunch options PLANNED is crucial, as I recall reading my old entries.

Here we go!

[harpista]

Monday May 18 - Success!

It was technically an S day, but I didn't feel like it was any kind of holiday for me (laundry and cleaning!), so I decided I would act "normally" on a normal day, and when needed, I can take a day another time. Balance it out.

Tuesday May 19 - Success!

Now I gotta get in bed FAST because my stomach is starting to rumble!

It was much harder to get 2 successes in a row last time I was doing No-S, so it's encouraging! Still doing breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner. Still not calling juice an S, but tempted to either call sweet iced tea an S or give myself a glass ceiling.

Sleep!!!

Edited to add: Dinner was one of the most awful I have been unfortunate to have in recent memory. So I chucked it and ate what I really wanted... nacho chips with salsa and cheese. It was virtual plating, but my alternative was overcooked, strong, grey brocolli with watery mashed potatoes and... chicken with lots of cooked blood in its veins. I feel sick writing about this. And somehow, nachos worked fine as dinner after a few bites of each of the above. My dog got the "change."

[harpista]

Wednesday May 20 - Success(ish)

We went to a Thai restaurant which was... godawful. Everything came in platters (and everything was garbage, not having good luck lately with food!). I did ask for an empty plate so I did eat "one plate worth." Hurray!

I'm counting it as a success despite these problems with my day:
1) One hot chocolate (mix packet) I had, for a midafternoon "snack" when I was starving.
2) One pina colada smoothie, the only good thing at Thai restaurant.
3) My plate was late coming to the table, so I ate satay skewers without it. (Who was talking about "I must have my plate to eat"? Great line and I will use that next time.) Anyway I left a hole on the plate where they should have been.

Basically, I am not ready to be strict about fluids yet. I find I need to tame my (seriously protesting) appetite. I have been doing this on willpower so far, and large glasses of water! If a caloric drink helps with a bad spot, I will go for it (at least for now) to get un-used to snacking all day at my desk at work. Desk and constant snacking, BAD combo!

[mimi]

You can do it Harpista!

Mimi

[harpista]

Thursday May 21 Failure
Friday May 22 Failure

Sigh.

I went and saw my endocrinologist on Thursday. I planned badly, didn't have my planned snack ready to eat in the car on the way, waited over an hour past my appointment time, and came out ravenous as well as extremely upset. I was in a rather nice area of the city so I stopped at the rather high end butcher and baker that are nearby. Where the spinach and feta croissants screamed at me as I bought hamburger buns... and the raspberry white chocolate scones. Today I was still eating snacks (carbs!), in what I believe is an attempt to soothe my feelings of upset from this endocrinologist visit.

My endocrinologist basically said, you don't seem to be capable of getting your act together (to lose weight). You should look at the psychological reasons why. (Upsetting.) I have an enlarged, fatty liver. When I got my lovely cold in Paris, it apparently aggravated it further. I was at 2x normal readings on liver enzyme or whatever it is, now I'm at 4x. This is not a tenable situation long term.

So she wants me to seriously consider consider bariatic surgery. Wherein they cut off your stomach. (That is covered by our province's health care; the adjustable, undoeable version is NOT and I don't have $16k.) Of course... what do I do when I am upset and someone has been telling me off in a stern consultation for an hour? Eat. So I'll feel better. No one said I am totally logical.

I'm freaked out. No-S is definitely what I want to do, but my endo wants to see weight loss in 6 months... and I have only just begun. I need results to show her, but I am a big emotional eater and pressure is not helpful.

I don't want to do Weight Watchers as she recommends. All I did was OBSESS. And I was really, really hungry a lot. I want to normalize. And I was not planning to crack down on my beverages or the size of my plates anytime soon, I'd planned to increase intensity on a gradual basis.

The doctor also wants me adding snacks to my day and going low GI.

She wants 5 or even 6 small meals:
Breakfast > Midmorning > Lunch > Midafternoon > Dinner (about 300-400 calories except the large meal of the day)

I have been doing:
Breakfast > Hot chocolate midmorning > Lunch > Tea > Dinner

Not so different, and maybe I should take the doctor's advice and not insist on doing what I want. At least until the situation is improved. I feel pains in the area of my liver and in my guts a lot. I don't know if this is solely inner turmoil of the physical kind.

It does not help that I have not, as yet, chosen to share No-S with my mom, who was difficult last time. She wants me to go on a diet with her (by Gillian McKeith from You Are What You Eat). It does feature very healthy foods, but lots of snacking.

[harpista]

You can do it Harpista!

Mimi

Mimi, thank you for your kind words of encouragement... I need it today!

[mimi]

It seems like when you have health concerns like you presently do, Harpista, that maybe you can listen to your doctor's advice, but incorporate NoS as well - or part of it, at least. Couldn't you focus on having no seconds and no sweets for now, but work some healthy snacks into your day? By having those snacks, your program would look very much like what your doctor has ordered. I have never tried eating a low glycemic index diet, but I have heard that it is very helpful to normalize blood sugar levels - which have a huge impact on hunger. I think that if NoS is what you want to do, you can make it work with some modifications. Hang in there! Tie a knot - a big one, or whatever it takes! Just don't give up! Talk to you soon!
Mimi

[butterfly1000]

Hi Harpista,

Mimi has some sound advice -- you could do the No S but allow snacks and it would comply with doctor's orders. When I started to do No-S I was trying to do it perfectly, and even if I just had a fruit for snack for example I would give myself a RED and it would give me permission to binge the rest of the day (it was a red anyways, right?). But following some good advice from this board, I'm trying to be more flexible: now, if I have a non-sweet snack, it's o.k., and I call it YELLOW instead of RED, so that way it helps to not turn the day into a free-for-all sweets.

Don't give up! I've tried all the diets in the book and I have a feeling that if I stick to this one, in the long run, it's going to work -- and it's a way of eating that I can live with long term: be reasonable during the week -- have that extra treat on an S-Day -- and NO MORE COUNTING ANYTHING!!

You can do it!
Butterfly

[harpista]

Couldn't you focus on having no seconds and no sweets for now, but work some healthy snacks into your day? By having those snacks, your program would look very much like what your doctor has ordered. ... I think that if NoS is what you want to do, you can make it work with some modifications.

Hi Mimi... I reply at last!

I have been working with this idea and experimenting (let's be honest, I was frustrated and having a behavioural temper tantrum for about a week after my previous post).

I want to thank you for your remarks. It helped me to get a grip and it helped me away from giving up.

Thank you for your support MIMI!

[harpista]

So... Putting my mind to the idea of somehow "safely" integrating snacking into No-S, I came up with Pre-Authorized Snacking in the last couple of days. A small play on the spirit of Reinhard's "pre-disapproved" concept.

Another of my problems in life (it's not a very exclusive club) is not eating enough fresh foods; I mostly mean produce. I decided I would fit my snacks to my two work breaks per day, Monday to Friday (at around 10.30 and 2.30, although currently I am writing while taking my break late), and that they would be centered on fresh things. This does not play out well on weekends as I tend to sleep 12-14 hours a night then, but I am pretty happy to stick to fresh snacks despite the temporal screwup.

Authorized snacks so far:
A banana
Baby carrots (with or without hummus or peanut butter)
Raw cauliflower or brocolli (except I don't like that much)
Cucumber with yogurt dip
An apple
Raw almonds
Probiotic yogurt
Grapes

PLEASE GIVE SUGGESTIONS!!!

I look for the snack to be between 100-300 calories. I have also reduced my lunch size (ever-so-slightly). I have been trying to embrace slight hunger and being growly when it is snack time because I didn't "tank up" at my last meal.

Now I will go back and update HabitCal with a loverly string of reds and go about my happy business!

[harpista]

When I started to do No-S I was trying to do it perfectly, and even if I just had a fruit for snack for example I would give myself a RED and it would give me permission to binge the rest of the day (it was a red anyways, right?). ...
Don't give up! I've tried all the diets in the book and I have a feeling that if I stick to this one, in the long run, it's going to work -- and it's a way of eating that I can live with long term: be reasonable during the week -- have that extra treat on an S-Day -- and NO MORE COUNTING ANYTHING!!

You can do it!
Butterfly

Butterfly, you reminded me why I love this programme and why I was so upset about not being able to No-S (in my perfectionist mind). I thank you for that, as it definitely helped motivate me to get it back together. I don't know if you know about FlyLady, but I was reminded of her saying, about how doing things incorrectly still can be a blessing on the intended recipients (paraphrasing here). Must remember that I do not have to be perfect, perfect, perfect to make it work, just "good most of the time."

It's true, I spent a week or so on temper-tantrum binges, but even they were half-hearted. I missed No-S'ing (wow) and I have exactly the same feeling in my gut about its long-term efficacy... And how it would tend towards long term happiness

[mimi]

Good for your Harpista! Looks like you're making some progress in sorting things our for yourself. Bottom line - this has to work for you and your unique situation. Keep up your work and it will all come together for you.

Mimi

[harpista]

Here we are in 2009, and I have been lurking a while, psyching myself up to return to No-S. In the intervening year(s), my weight is up to 295 lbs (today) at 5' 6" - 5' 7".

OMG, OMG. I just realized that as of this morning, I already lost 3 lb. And I have been having at least 1 S on most days! Results already! Results anyway! I forgot how well this works for me

This moment reminds me why I LOVE the No-S Diet! HUZZAH!

[harpista]

Good for your Harpista! Looks like you're making some progress in sorting things our for yourself. Bottom line - this has to work for you and your unique situation. Keep up your work and it will all come together for you.

Mimi

Mimi thank you yet again. I really appreciate you "coming to see me" and your feedback.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I don't resent the uniqueness of my situation and if that's not part of my problem.

But at the same time, it's a relief to know that what works for everyone else may not work for me, for a non-fantasy reason!

[mimi]

Exactly! Seems like you're getting a handle on what *works* for you - 3 pounds - Wow! Keep it up!

Mimi

[harpista]

Here we go again... I'm taking another kick at the can. I can honestly say nothing else ever worked so well (relatively painless, consistent, and non-insanity-producing) as No S. And I do remember the "twelve (?) failures" that Reinhard mentioned once, before the eventual success.

I'm always saying, oh, such-and-such stressful thing threw me into a binge, or a bad week of stress eating. This crazy life of mine never seems to get much easier. I don't seem to make any real headway on reducing my SOURCES of stress, despite much banging of my forehead against the proverbial wall so I'm trying to change what I can change - my reaction to things. It is not like my colleagues, or my parents, or my veterinary bills, or my student loans, or my health issues, or the guy I'm sorta dating (etc.) are deciding to stress me out, OR holding me down and shoving onion rings and doughnuts in my mouth as a (bad) coping strategy.

I did announce two days ago that I am going back on No S, however. This may have been a mistake. Yesterday, I came home to freshly baked banana-nut-chocolate-chip muffins, and Aloha bread (banana bread, with nuts, coconut, orange juice, etc.). And I am getting offered cookies all of a sudden. My mother made these goodies, and I am ever-so-proud to be an adult child living at home.

Recently, she also lost weight via a strict low-carb diet, in the range of 30 pounds. So this baking spree is not just sabotaging me, but she and I have issues. She has been upset by my being thinner than her before. This might be interesting. Maybe should have kept mouth shut. I did resist eating any last night before dinner, and after dinner, I was too full to try!

Need to weigh myself (and possibly, measure too) so I have a base line. I do know that the day after my birthday (so on May 7, 2010) I was 294 lb.

All my days since I started again have been FAILURES, but much better failures than the days proceeding. I try not to give up on following the rules for the rest of a whole day, because of any given error. That makes the day a lot better than it otherwise would be, if not a total success.

Monday, August 23: Failure

Tuesday, August 24: Failure

Wednesday, August 25: Failure

Thursday, August 26: Failure (yes already... I ate those muffins for breakfast at least, though, NOT as a snack or dessert!)

[harpista]

Friday August 27: Failure

Honestly, I feel so GOOD about these failures, I can't even tell you.

My No-S failures, as I wrote many moons ago, are light years ahead of where my regular, laissez-faire days were. One of those aiming-for-the-moon, landing-among-the-stars things.

I am also reminded, forcibly, of other things I noted before. Half of my problems are auto-pilot snacking. I need to plan meals more. I need to consider what is a "sweet" more. And I definitely need to keep my eye on the subtle undermining.

But, more ponderings another time. I am really ready to sleep. (And that's another thing: I am a ravening wolf on days when I am tired. Hmmm!)

[harpista]

Saturday, August 28: S-Day

Sunday, August 29: S-Day

Sick, spent lots of time in bed. UGH.

[harpista]

Monday August 30: Success????

I'm calling it a success.

However I would call my compliance 'rough':

No Snacks - I have a designated snack due to blood sugar issues. But I did not eat at other times (very tempted).

No Sweets - I didn't count the flavoured beverages I had with meals (1x OJ and 1 x iced tea). I did refuse dessert, and the temptation of going to buy ice cream, or chocolate, or coffee and pastries at a cafe (yes, I will leave the house JUST to do this), which was a very strong temptation... Bad day, tendency to self-soothe using FOOD.

No Seconds - This has never been difficult for me. I usually have to throw back part of what is on my plate, as my meals are usually served by whomever it is taking their turn at cooking that day or night. My family definitely over-serves.

[ShannahR]

Hi harpista,
I read your description and I would definitely call Monday a SUCCESS! I'm pretty sure Reinhard doesn't count OJ or ice tea as sweets. In the long run you might want to cut back your consumption of caloric beverages but it's important to look at the big picture in the beginning.

I also thought you might want to know that there is nothing wrong with a 4th "mini meal" during the day. The No S diet says "no snacks" but it doesn't say how many meals you can eat. Most people choose 3 but there are some who do more and some who only eat 1 or 2. I think that it's all about determining what is right for you.


It sounds like you are off to a great start!

[harpista]

I also thought you might want to know that there is nothing wrong with a 4th "mini meal" during the day. The No S diet says "no snacks" but it doesn't say how many meals you can eat. Most people choose 3 but there are some who do more and some who only eat 1 or 2. I think that it's all about determining what is right for you.

Hi ShannahR, thanks for dropping by and for the encouragement!

Yeah, I am supposed to eat more than 3x as per doctor's Rx. All my doctors want me to lose weight (I do have several) but only one has a plan for that, and I am actually resisting her exact demands, because the Dr. (endocrinologist) is actually asking for 5-6x daily. I don't want to eat that often. When I eat that often I become obsessive (in a very ugly way) and eat way too much. There are too many opportunities to eat just a little too much when you eat six times daily, and I never see the piggery-outery that goes on in a realistic light. Plus I'm never satisfied, for all the eating.

Further, to make the meals reasonable I'd have to do something way more "dietetic" to keep the lid on calories... So, she wants me to do Weight Watchers and low GI diet... SIMULTANEOUSLY. Six times a day.

I am so not, not interested in doing that. I do not want to get back into calorie accountantcy. (Is that a word? Hasn't stopped me before, I guess!)

Worst case, if No-S is doing its gentle thing, and it is not enough to satisfy my DRs, I may do several days a week of Paleo diet. It remains to be seen, but that could work in conjunction with No-S.

[harpista]

I have met the enemy, and the enemy is mindless eating.

Monday, August 30: Failure (revised!)
Tuesday, August 31: Failure
Wednesday, September 1: Failure
Thursday, September 2: Failure

Monday, and Tuesday, I realize that I mindlessly ate some candies that were floating around in my purse. Didn't even consider what I was doing. Wednesday, I was given some of the really good chocolate cookies from Europe... and again, ate them without a thought. Today, I ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast (which, I know, is gross, I was in a hurry) and again, who knew you were supposed to think about this eating crap?

So I have reacquainted myself with the enemy. And I'm kinda annoyed with myself now.

I think I was right about having ready-made acceptable meals on hand, either at home or maybe even in the freezer at work.

[harpista]

Friday, September 3: Failure
Saturday, September 4: S-Day
Sunday, September 5: S-Day

Monday, September 6 - Friday, September 10: Vacation!

HARD to try and stay semi-structured on vacation. Didn't want to graze or go into free-for-all, and I will say I think I did an okay job. Not great, but I'm happy

[harpista]

Saturday, September 11: S-Day
Sunday, September 12: S-Day

Monday, September 13: Failure
Everything was great, until I let my mom and brother wheedle/pressure me into going to DAIRY QUEEN with them for Blizzards. Oops.

Tuesday, September 14: SUCCESSSSSSS!!!!
Four very large meals, including fast food. But a technical pass. NO stealth candy!

Wednesday, September 15: Failure
Again with the wheedling/pressuring, only this time it was my coworker, who bought us doughnut holes. I ate ONE to stop the whole "what are you dieting???" thing.

OK, I thought I had a stronger backbone than that. And it appears I gave in... twice this week!... on days that would have otherwise been easy wins.

I am so tired and stressed out, I find myself making decisions that are important to my health (both around food and around other things; like money issues, which are important to my mental health), based more on expedience and/or the "shut 'em up factor" than what is good for me.

THAT is bad. I thought I was more ornery than that, if bad tempered to go with it...?

[harpista]

Thursday, September 16: Failure? I think?
Friday, September 17: Failure? I think?

Note to self: this is apparently NOT the kind of useless trivia our mind likes to hold onto forever! Update more!

Saturday, September 18: S-Day
Sunday, September 19: S-Day

Monday, September 20: Failure

I'm disturbed because I had what bears no other description but "a binge" after dinner last night.

Night-time eating has always been my problem. But after my (reasonable size) plate of spaghetti and meatballs, I had a pear (that fits on my virtual plate doesn't it?).

And then I had some cheesies about an hour later (sliding through the hole in the broken fence?). And then that led to shortbread (2 or 3), gingersnaps ( 6 maybe?), and a very large handful of mini Reese's peanut butter cups (why are my weekend treats not out of sight, so as to be out of mind on an n-day?).

Even as I was eating the candy I'm thinking, "what emotion am I literally stuffing down?" The part that disturbed me the most was, I didn't really have a good answer. There are so many things stressing me out recently, but I couldn't put my finger on what is bothering me RIGHT NOW in that moment.

Alert, alert... alternative coping strategies REQUIRED.

[harpista]

Even as I was eating the candy I'm thinking, "what emotion am I literally stuffing down?" The part that disturbed me the most was, I didn't really have a good answer. There are so many things stressing me out recently, but I couldn't put my finger on what is bothering me RIGHT NOW in that moment.

Alert, alert... alternative coping strategies REQUIRED.

On Friday, Sept. 24th I was... let go

So the dust is settling, slowly... Canadian Thanksgiving just passed, and I'm gearing up to hit the NO-S again.

Wow, it amazes me (stuck in rut queen) how things can change on you... if you just don't do anything, the decisions make themselves.

[harpista]

I currently average about 2 successes per week, since the start of December. Which had a boatload of S days in it, far more than Reinhard would approve.

Horrible you say? Well, I've already lost 6 pounds.

I just keep trying and trying. I refuse to give up trying. And I actually lowered the bar quite a bit (I have Wednesday as an S day; I pay no attention to the composition of beverages; and I still have my 4th meal per day). That is quite hard enough for me at this stage, apparently. I can raise the bar later. For now, this is already a huge improvement compared to my uncontrolled sprees. (My usual failure is due to eating one snack.)

I am using the HabitCal every day and tracking: No-S diet, dog walks and harp practice. The simple act of marking it is motivational and I'm even managing not to attach a horseman of the apocalypse to any failures.

Currently my weight is 296. It was 302 in late November/early December.

[Kevin]

It sounds like you have a plan you can live with, that you have a baseline, and that's a great thing. Once you have a plan, you can make adjustments if it is not working for you, but you can't make adjustments to something you can't measure. So keep up the good work!

I currently average about 2 successes per week, since the start of December. Which had a boatload of S days in it, far more than Reinhard would approve.

Horrible you say? Well, I've already lost 6 pounds. :lol:

I just keep trying and trying. I refuse to give up trying. And I actually lowered the bar quite a bit (I have Wednesday as an S day; I pay no attention to the composition of beverages; and I still have my 4th meal per day). That is quite hard enough for me at this stage, apparently. I can raise the bar later. For now, this is already a huge improvement compared to my uncontrolled sprees. (My usual failure is due to eating one snack.)

I am using the HabitCal every day and tracking: No-S diet, dog walks and harp practice. The simple act of marking it is motivational and I'm even managing not to attach a horseman of the apocalypse to any failures.

Currently my weight is 296. It was 302 in late November/early December.

[harpista]

Brutality.

Since February, my grandmother fell down while wintering in Florida, broke her pelvis, and after a long drama (fighting with insurance companies and hospitals, medical evacuation, etc.) and when we thought she'd just managed to pull through, she unfortunately passed away. It has been tough on our family, and my mom who is the executor, especially.

I began dating a nice man who approached me, (first date was on my 30th birthday, in May) and was having a very nice time with him. Then it became apparent that, although he very much liked me, he was dating me "in spite of" my weight and didn't like what I looked like, except maybe the big boobs. I couldn't handle that on an ongoing basis, so I broke off with him on Monday... Since his phone had been lost, and he lives 40 minutes away, I sent him an email. Sorry. I know it sucks, but it was at least a classy email.

And then, I immediately came down with a virus. And have been suffering mightily ever since. Since it's a sick day, I am just doing whatever I can to get by right now. However imperfect my application, I am glad I had No-S principles to guide me so far. The first half of this year has been a pretty rocky ride.

I finally bought a hard copy of the No-S book. Yay Reinhard! (I hope that may pay for a day or two of optimized oatmeal. I owe him lunch at least, I think... LOL)

My weight today (although not, ahem, at the "optimal weighing time") is 303 lbs. I don't think an optimal weighing time would help me that much. But it could have been a lot worse.

[harpista]

Says it all. UGH. This is not a very good chart, as unlike some of the technological genii on this board , I rarely have any reason to use Excel, and basically forgot all my "mad skillz." However it does show the difference, I just don't know how to, um, equalize the time axis?

Just keep on telling myself I did it before, I can do it again.