I need a reason to keep doing this!

[GabbyGirl2]

I got up today like I do every day, expecting to have a "clean" day of whatever food plan or diet I am on at the moment. Usually I have failed halfway through the day. I started No S on Aug 7th, and have yet to have a clean N day. Not a single one. I can't even say I was all that hungry between meals. I wrote in another post that I was going to allow healthy snacks between meals as a mod, but that didn't work either. I lie there watching TV, and the minute I think of a particular food, I'm up and heading to the kitchen. Today I polished off a jar of hot fudge. Another time it was several graham crackers. I have been in OA before and done well, until I saw very little recovery. Others here have mentioned the idea of a "last supper", and I am very familiar with that.

Sorry if I am rambling, but I'm really getting depressed. I want to succeed at No S, but I'm losing hope. I feel like something or someone else is in control, and it's not me. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement any of you have.

[Whosonfirst]

I got up today like I do every day, expecting to have a "clean" day of whatever food plan or diet I am on at the moment. Usually I have failed halfway through the day. I started No S on Aug 7th, and have yet to have a clean N day. Not a single one. I can't even say I was all that hungry between meals. I wrote in another post that I was going to allow healthy snacks between meals as a mod, but that didn't work either. I lie there watching TV, and the minute I think of a particular food, I'm up and heading to the kitchen. Today I polished off a jar of hot fudge. Another time it was several graham crackers. I have been in OA before and done well, until I saw very little recovery. Others here have mentioned the idea of a "last supper", and I am very familiar with that.

Sorry if I am rambling, but I'm really getting depressed. I want to succeed at No S, but I'm losing hope. I feel like something or someone else is in control, and it's not me. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement any of you have.

Hello GabbyGirl2, I'm not on here very often anymore, just checked in and your post smacked me between the eyes. My goal when starting NoS was to have 100% clean N days. If you look back at my old check-ins, I usually averaged only 80% Clean days even after doing it a long time. And it surprised me that 80% for me along with my regular walking and exercise routine worked pretty well.

Here's what I believe is key to making this work, especially in the beginning until the routine is set in stone. You have to keep a check-in log to hold yourself accountable. It's the same for people who do exercise routines expecting something to change. You will get a lot of support if you log your check-ins on here. Over my years on here, I received zero negative response.
On days when you have that first fail, like a snack, a sugary latte, 2nds, etc. just try to keep it small, and move on to your next day. Don't beat yourself up, and say WTH, and go on a binge, if possible. Post it on your check-in or use the 21-day or 30-day challenge. Habitcal is great for that also. I've heard more than a few people say, when that urge crops up when watching tv, or something else, maybe get up and take a walk outside to clear your mind. It sounds simplistic but it seems to work for some of us. Or if you have a hobby that will occupy your mind, do that and get your mind on something else.
You can do this, it's not easy, but it does get easier. I'll check in occasionally to see how your check-ins are going. Good luck
p.s.-get rid of the hot fudge and graham crackers. Most people trying to get over an alcohol problem, clean out the liquor cabinet. Maybe keep some healthy fruit, or berries around for those days you're tempted to snack. My go-to healthy snack was a banana.

[GabbyGirl2]

Thank you, Whosonfirst! Good suggestions. How do I find the check-in log? The hot fudge is gone, and I'll save the graham crackers for S days. That's a start. Ordinarily I forbid such things as ice cream, cookies, cake, etc. from the house, but I can binge on other things. For months now I have not worked out, but the rec center near me is finally starting pool exercises next week. I was faithful before the virus but have not substituted walking or anything else. I have been a sloth. But maybe the pool classes will shake me out of my misery. Thank you again for your help.

[GabbyGirl2]

I tried to go on Daily check in but was unsuccessful. Can somebody help? Thank you.

[GabbyGirl2]

I spelled my screen name wrong on the daily check-in, too. How do I delete and start over?

[GabbyGirl2]

I now have a daily check-in thread!

[Soprano]

Great, make sure you use it

Committing to sticking to 3 meals is in my opinion one of the best things you can do for yourself.

It can be hard so for now concentrate on that. I did add one mod of no starving. So if a meal was delayed and I was genuinely near faint with hunger I allowed a snack, usually handful of nuts.

This was a once or twice a month occurrence.

Choose foods you enjoy for your meals and eat enough to feel satisfied. At this stage if you have misjudged the quantity and are genuinely not satisfied have something else as part of your meal.

And remember for now come Saturday you can have whatever you want whenever you want for 2 days

Don't worry about the scales for now get the habit nailed.

Jx

[GabbyGirl2]

Thanks, Soprano! One of my biggest challenges is the scale. I think I have to put it away in the closet again. It's right there staring at me when I am sitting in the bathroom. It's like an addiction. Putting it away at least gives me a few more seconds to make a decision not to weigh.

Do you sing soprano? I sing alto in my church choir. Of course all that is on hold because of the virus. I miss it!

I will pledge to focus on the 3 meals from now on. Today is Sunday, so I'm going to have some more graham crackers.

[healthyskillz]

In the beginning I wanted to be too perfect at this, too. So I set my goal to not snacking between breakfast and lunch. It helped me find out what kind of breakfast would help me make it till lunch without a snack. Then I'd try to do the same between lunch and dinner. I learned I needed some fruit before dinner in order to actually get dinner on the table. Then I'd try to get 21 pre-plated meals in a row eventually. Baby steps! Don't give up, you'll get there!

[Soprano]

Hi

No I don't sing I play soprano saxophone

Jx

[ladybird30]

To the good advice from Whosonfirst & Soprano, I will add it can take time, so don't give up.
Sometimes if I am having the do nothings, I decide to do just one small, easy thing - that may be enough to
get me over the hump & into some purposeful activity.

[GabbyGirl2]

I have been so lazy for several months now. The house reflects that. Dust and cat fur are everywhere. I just look at it and take another nap. I know I can spend a few minutes and accomplish one small thing each day. That will help if I will just do it!

[automatedeating]

I remember feeling so overwhelmed with everything when my kids were little that I couldn't get started on much of anything. My mom really helped me out by telling me to just have one thing that I want to accomplish each day. It was wise advice and has helped me get centered many a times.

Oh, the other thing I wanted to say Gabby - in the beginning you have one goal: No Snacks (or whatever your main goal is). When people quit drinking alcohol, they have ONE goal - don't drink. And then they use all their willpower on that one goal. Don't dilute your ONE goal (whatever it is) with trying to add on other goals.

[pinkhippie]

Soprano, that is cool! I didn't know that was where your user name came from. I played the alto sax when I was young briefly, but the clarinet was really the instrument that I loved and got good at.

Gabby, I agree with auto. One habit at a time! No snacks is what I started with because it really helped with that whole thing you were talking about up thread of thinking of food and then eating it. I used to have that same problem too. It was VERY strong. I realized I needed to put a pause between the thought and then the action of eating. Also, I realized that it was some serious emotional eating when I would have a thought of food out of nowhere and have to go eat it. No S really helped to show that to me by putting those boundaries around meal times. I didn't worry about No Sweets or seconds, I just tried not to snack because that was the hardest thing for me. When I gave myself the 3 meal structure, getting hungry between meal times and not eating gave me a chance for a pause. Even if I did end up eating, I would be able to go back and ask myself why I ate when I clearly wasn't hungry. I realized a few years ago that I used to do ( and still will if not careful) a TON of anxiety eating! Anxiety = hunger for me. Anyway, just some ideas, I hope you are doing well.

[Soprano]

I love my sax, I have an alto too but have really not played enough lately, lockdown and personal worries have got in the way.

But it will be there when I'm ready. I'm very much an amateur, took it up as a hobby later in life.

Jx

[GabbyGirl2]

Thanks everybody! I played clarinet from middle school through high school. I gave it up when I graduated. I wanted to quit earlier because I hated marching band, but my dad didn't let me.

[pinkhippie]

Soprano, that is so cool that you picked it up later in life!

Gabbygirl fellow clarinet player! I liked clarinet but wow did I hate practicing. I also played piano and quit that as well. Ahh well... Maybe someday when life isn't crazy I will pick it up again.

[GabbyGirl2]

I think I could produce a middle C....

[Whosonfirst]

I remember feeling so overwhelmed with everything when my kids were little that I couldn't get started on much of anything. My mom really helped me out by telling me to just have one thing that I want to accomplish each day. It was wise advice and has helped me get centered many a times.

Oh, the other thing I wanted to say Gabby - in the beginning you have one goal: No Snacks (or whatever your main goal is). When people quit drinking alcohol, they have ONE goal - don't drink. And then they use all their willpower on that one goal. Don't dilute your ONE goal (whatever it is) with trying to add on other goals.

Great advice auto.The One Thing is a good book for how to structure your activities to get results. It's mostly directed towards business, but it applies to personal goals as well. I have the problem of trying to do too many things. And the funny thing was, in my job, I knew it was important to focus on one project at a time. At home, I didn't always follow my work habits.

[automatedeating]

Oh my goodness, Whos!!! I totally relate to this! For my work, I am super careful to put my greatest energy on one thing. Now, I have the glorious life-privilege of being on a "sabbatical", and I have started like 5 different home projects, and I'm in completely over my head. We've actually decided to hire someone to finish everything because I can't keep up with all the demands on my time!

[clarinetgal]

I just had to chime in, because I play the clarinet (hence, my user name). I have picked up several other instruments over the past few years, but the clarinet is still my first love. I’m not playing anywhere right now (stupid Covid), but I try to play some songs out of my music books a few times a week, just to keep up my skills.
As for the post, working on one habit at a time is a struggle for me, too.

[oolala53]

Did you also get a reason to keep doing this? I think you need several reasons, unless it's all going smoothly now. And just weight loss or looking good is not effective as the abysmal stats on those show. Shocking but so obvious when you look at it. If just weighing less and fitting an image worked, no one would ever regain.

So here are my stock questions, that come from motivational theory:
What value do you get from eating the way you have been for years? Why do you do it? It's got to have some payoff even if it has other consequences you don't like. (I don't buy into the idea that we keep weight on for psychological reasons, though it's possible. But I don't think people often change their habits in response to such ponderings.)

Why besides weight loss would you be interested in giving up that payoff? What benefit would you get beyond loss and appearance? (See above for how often that has failed.)What would be better about your life if you were eating differently/less?

Why is No S a better strategy than all the other possibilities out there? Are you willing to do anything different, such as count calories or severely restrict a food group indefinitely? What other reasonable options do you have? How do they stack up against No S? Would any be easier and more effective? Think about choosing the strategy that is the right balance of ease and effectiveness FOR THE LONG RUN for you.

When you get clear what the stakes are and why this is your best bet-if it is-, it gets a lot easier to face down the urges to eat another way. I don't say they will go away, only that it is easier to see that they are costing you something else you want even more.

[oolala53]

Mistaken post deleted

[Over43]

Do what I did ten years ago when I lost 30 lbs. Think Caribbean.

[oolala53]

Think Caribbean? Sorry If it's embedded in the thread somewhere. Sometimes I just skim...