I think something holding me back is this sense of identity I have with being a "fat girl". I have almost a fear that if I am thin, I will never know when people like me for me... right now I know it. I am overweight, so if they are my friends they must like me for me.
And I feel like eating is such a joy and a part of socializing and bonding with others, and when an opportunity to eat arises I don't like "missing out". I did so well in April with No S, and I wish I could find that motivation again.
I am afraid of being a new person. I love food and the freedom of eating when I want and what I want, even though it isn't good for me. I want to just be okay with my weight and feel beautiful and attractive. I hate feeling that I "need" to lose weight.
Okay, I think I'm talking in circles and not making sense. I feel like I am not able to explain in words what I am feeling. I'm closer to explaining it now than I have been in a long time, but still not quite.
I feel like I can't comfortably "fit" into either person, either version of me. The No-S-version of me makes me feel restricted even though it's completely moderate, and the non-dieting-version of me makes me, well, fat.
I don't know how to explain what I am feeling. Just had to vent.
Fat Identity?
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
Sarah, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling - I know it's hard and I can really relate to those feelings of being torn between really wanting to change on the one hand, and not wanting to change a thing on the other! I felt the same way for a really long time...
One thing that helped me get my mind straight on wanting to change was a series of podcasts that help uncover the reasons for all of this, and adress the internal struggle that we all experience. Because most of us became overweight for good reasons - and it is not easy to just let that go! I started listening to them last fall and they completely changed my mindset: http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/2 ... eight-loss - I would listen to one a day and for a while I listened to them at night when I would go to sleep...I'd recommend starting with the earliest ones and working your way forward.
I think once you get your mind straight with the reasons you want to change and are really sure you want to do it, then No-S is an awesome tool to help make the changes. Listening to the above podcasts got my mind in the right place; No-S is helping me with the habits to achieve my goals. Maybe the podcasts could help you too. From what you've been posting about your struggles to stick to No-S the past month or so I sense that they might be something that could really strike a chord with you.
In any case, whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best with getting a grip on this - I know how hard it is.
One thing that helped me get my mind straight on wanting to change was a series of podcasts that help uncover the reasons for all of this, and adress the internal struggle that we all experience. Because most of us became overweight for good reasons - and it is not easy to just let that go! I started listening to them last fall and they completely changed my mindset: http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/2 ... eight-loss - I would listen to one a day and for a while I listened to them at night when I would go to sleep...I'd recommend starting with the earliest ones and working your way forward.
I think once you get your mind straight with the reasons you want to change and are really sure you want to do it, then No-S is an awesome tool to help make the changes. Listening to the above podcasts got my mind in the right place; No-S is helping me with the habits to achieve my goals. Maybe the podcasts could help you too. From what you've been posting about your struggles to stick to No-S the past month or so I sense that they might be something that could really strike a chord with you.
In any case, whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best with getting a grip on this - I know how hard it is.
Re: Fat Identity?
I'm also sorry that you're struggling.sarahkay wrote: And I feel like eating is such a joy and a part of socializing and bonding with others, and when an opportunity to eat arises I don't like "missing out". I did so well in April with No S, and I wish I could find that motivation again.
I am afraid of being a new person. I love food and the freedom of eating when I want and what I want, even though it isn't good for me. I want to just be okay with my weight and feel beautiful and attractive. I hate feeling that I "need" to lose weight.
I feel like I can't comfortably "fit" into either person, either version of me. The No-S-version of me makes me feel restricted even though it's completely moderate, and the non-dieting-version of me makes me, well, fat.
Food is one of the great pleasures in life and eating is a great part of socializing and bonding with others. However, the way we eat in the US is abnormal. The French, who probably enjoy food more than most cultures in the world, think Americans lack any kind of self-discipline when it comes to food. For the most part, they're right.
I truly enjoy food. I cook a lot and I've teased that it's not so much that I enjoy cooking, but I really like eating. I will say that what I eat has changed dramatically over the last six years or so. Processed foods have pretty much disappeared and I rarely eat at casual/fast food restaurants. When I eat, I want quality food and quality food tastes much better than processed foods.
In one of Bob Greene's (Oprah's trainer) early books, he wrote about what you fearing: changing due to weight loss. EXCEPT -- most people look forward to being a new person after they lose weight. They think they will find new friends and that any number of problems in their lives will no longer be an issue. This may shock you: the only thing that will change after you lose weight is that you will weigh less. Some people may be attracted to you because you are slimmer, but it won't make a difference in whether or not they choose to have you as a friend.
Here's the thing about No-S. You can have your cake and eat it, too. You just can't eat it any time you want it. No foods are restricted, only when you eat them. If you want to go out and socialize with friends and make a meal of bar foods/appetizers -- you can do that. You just can't eat another full meal afterwards -- until the next meal time.
EDIT: I wanted to add one thing to what I said about not eating processed food. Not only does real food taste better, it's far more satisfying, not only in terms of taste, but also in terms of keeping me satisfied between meals.
Last edited by wosnes on Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
Hi, sarahkay. I just wanted to say, and as kindly as possible, that being fat does not guarantee that people like you for you. And being slimmer does not guarantee, conversely, that people who seem to like you are only pretending.
It's good to focus on what you really want for yourself. Do you want to be healthier, more active, and feel better? One way to accomplish those things is to lose some weight. Don't focus so much on fitting in with your friends (and what they eat or drink) or on what other people think. I know that's easy to say and not so easy to do--but when the day is done, this is for you and no one else.
Do you have to lose weight? Of course you don't! But it sounds like you want to lose some weight, or you wouldn't be trying this program out.
Try to be satisfied with being able to eat those desserts, seconds, or snacks on S days and not in between. Besides, as wosnes said, it's possible to socialize without going off the rails on your No S commitment.
And one last thing--weight loss does not get any easier as one gets older. Now is really a good time for you to get a handle on your weight. I've done different programs, and I can tell you that eating this way is about the easiest way to go, even if the loss is slower.
Good luck! Hang in there!
It's good to focus on what you really want for yourself. Do you want to be healthier, more active, and feel better? One way to accomplish those things is to lose some weight. Don't focus so much on fitting in with your friends (and what they eat or drink) or on what other people think. I know that's easy to say and not so easy to do--but when the day is done, this is for you and no one else.
Do you have to lose weight? Of course you don't! But it sounds like you want to lose some weight, or you wouldn't be trying this program out.
Try to be satisfied with being able to eat those desserts, seconds, or snacks on S days and not in between. Besides, as wosnes said, it's possible to socialize without going off the rails on your No S commitment.
And one last thing--weight loss does not get any easier as one gets older. Now is really a good time for you to get a handle on your weight. I've done different programs, and I can tell you that eating this way is about the easiest way to go, even if the loss is slower.
Good luck! Hang in there!
I think I hold onto weight sometimes as a safety belt. I have had to explore why I feel less vulnerable and "excused" from certain things in life when heavier.
I also am a people pleaser and never wanted others to feel intimidated or threatened. And heaven forbid, not be the friend who wasn't fun and not ready for a treat at all times!
But in all reality, you can't think about others. This is YOU. When you go to bed at night, it's YOU. When you're older with health problems, you're the one to suffer.
So find the motivation to do it for yourself. And don't worry about offending others.
I relate, though, and change is hard and scary. Good luck.
I also am a people pleaser and never wanted others to feel intimidated or threatened. And heaven forbid, not be the friend who wasn't fun and not ready for a treat at all times!
But in all reality, you can't think about others. This is YOU. When you go to bed at night, it's YOU. When you're older with health problems, you're the one to suffer.
So find the motivation to do it for yourself. And don't worry about offending others.
I relate, though, and change is hard and scary. Good luck.
Liz
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Jennifer24747
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:08 pm
- Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but there's a great blog/website called "Can You Stay For Dinner?" Just google it and it should be the first link. If you read a little bit of this girl's story, I think you'll identify with her. It takes a little digging and clicking around through the reader's letters and such, but trust me, you'll be sucked in. Her writing is beautiful and her story is touching. She talks a lot about acceptance of herself before and after a major weight loss and tells how she coped with it.
Oh, and I haven't made a recipe of hers that I haven't absolutely LOVED. And I mean, LOVED.
Good luck.
Oh, and I haven't made a recipe of hers that I haven't absolutely LOVED. And I mean, LOVED.
Good luck.
Discovered NoS April 25, 2012!
SW: 157
CW: 156
GW: 140-145
SW: 157
CW: 156
GW: 140-145
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Nicest of the Damned
- Posts: 719
- Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:26 pm
Re: Fat Identity?
Well, then, don't be. Just be you, only eating less often.sarahkay wrote:I am afraid of being a new person.
I spent years looking for a diet so I could not eat too much but not be one of "those people", who are always on a diet and always worried about eating something unhealthy. No S lets me do this.
Try turning down a few offers of food. You may find it's not as big a deal as you think it will be. Other people are generally not devoting a lot of mental energy to scrutinizing what and how much you eat. They might not even notice or care if you don't eat.
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Jennifer24747
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:08 pm
- Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania