Ran across this today, and thought it might be useful for some of us who are re-connecting with emotions that we used to "eat away."
http://cnvc.org/en/what-nvc/feelings-li ... -inventory
Feelings inventory
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
-
OrganicGal
- Posts: 481
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 8:08 pm
- Location: Peterborough
Good list KCCC. I was most interested in the words when our needs are NOT being met, as that is the usual reason I would emotionally eat in the past. Eating for the other 'happier' reasons wasn't an issue. The issue that was and still is sometimes there is eating due to social pressure in social situations. But I am much better at that one too. 
Especially with No S Habits.
Especially with No S Habits.Creating and sustaining the No S habits are the only thing that will take me in the direction I want to go!
I am very sensitive to the social pressure thing, having had a "food pusher" for a mom. ("Food is love" type.)
When I was first on my own, and had just lost to a normal weight, it was a real point of tension. Every time I came home, we had a fight when I walked in the door because she kept offering me food until I blew up at her. At which point she'd get all hurt and sulky because "there's no reason to snap at me." (Sigh. I was MUCH younger.)
A strategy from "The Dance of Anger" helped on that one. It's called the "broken record," where you find a polite phrase that you just keep repeating in the same even tone until the other person gives up. "No thanks, Mom, I'm not hungry right now."
The first time I tried it, it took 20 minutes. I know because I watched the clock on the wall. But, over time, it worked. Each round got shorter. As I got more confident, I could even vary it: "That sounds good, Mom. I'll get some when I'm ready to eat." or "Thanks for making that for me, Mom. I'll get some later."
Over time, she learned that I would eat when I was hungry. And I learned to refuse the food in ways that acknowledged the love.
Once we stopped having that fight (YEARS ago now), our relationship improved dramatically. I learned to set my boundaries firmly but kindly with that exercise.
/End very bloggy post...
When I was first on my own, and had just lost to a normal weight, it was a real point of tension. Every time I came home, we had a fight when I walked in the door because she kept offering me food until I blew up at her. At which point she'd get all hurt and sulky because "there's no reason to snap at me." (Sigh. I was MUCH younger.)
A strategy from "The Dance of Anger" helped on that one. It's called the "broken record," where you find a polite phrase that you just keep repeating in the same even tone until the other person gives up. "No thanks, Mom, I'm not hungry right now."
The first time I tried it, it took 20 minutes. I know because I watched the clock on the wall. But, over time, it worked. Each round got shorter. As I got more confident, I could even vary it: "That sounds good, Mom. I'll get some when I'm ready to eat." or "Thanks for making that for me, Mom. I'll get some later."
Over time, she learned that I would eat when I was hungry. And I learned to refuse the food in ways that acknowledged the love.
Once we stopped having that fight (YEARS ago now), our relationship improved dramatically. I learned to set my boundaries firmly but kindly with that exercise.
/End very bloggy post...
-
blueskighs
- Posts: 1787
- Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 4:11 am
- Location: California
KCCC
its amazing how challening setting food boundaries can be. it sounds like your situation with your mother was a tough one and you handled it really well.
My dad's 2nd wife was my food pusher, but i haven't seen her in over twenty years (there was tons of other issues besides food pushing that contributed to that)
but my husband's family are pretty much food pushers and they all struggle with weight and are unhealthy, after ten years it gets better but I am always uncomfortable when I am there because I just don't like the food they eat, last time we cooked for them and that worked better, but it never fails to amaze me how invested some folks are in what other people eat.
I guess in the end I was "spoiled" by my grandmother, she could care less what I ate or what I didn't eat and it always made going to visit her so much more relaxing and fun. She was a cool lady.
It is wonderful that you got through that with your mom and ya'll have a better relationship. That takes a lot of strength, patience and love,
Blueskighs
its amazing how challening setting food boundaries can be. it sounds like your situation with your mother was a tough one and you handled it really well.
My dad's 2nd wife was my food pusher, but i haven't seen her in over twenty years (there was tons of other issues besides food pushing that contributed to that)
but my husband's family are pretty much food pushers and they all struggle with weight and are unhealthy, after ten years it gets better but I am always uncomfortable when I am there because I just don't like the food they eat, last time we cooked for them and that worked better, but it never fails to amaze me how invested some folks are in what other people eat.
I guess in the end I was "spoiled" by my grandmother, she could care less what I ate or what I didn't eat and it always made going to visit her so much more relaxing and fun. She was a cool lady.
It is wonderful that you got through that with your mom and ya'll have a better relationship. That takes a lot of strength, patience and love,
Blueskighs
www.nosdiet.blogspot.com Where I blog daily about my No S journey
