Anyhow, boy have I strayed way, way off. I've gained so much weight in the last several months. I had lost weight last summer doing an old-fashioned, severely restricted calorie counting program, and of course, when winter hit, I gradually ditched that program and gained all the weight back and then some.
I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. I mean it---I literally avoid looking at myself unless I'm dressing for work and need to check that I look presentable. I've been buying new clothes, piecemeal, just to get by because I've outgrown so many things in my closet. I haven't dared get near a scale, but I'm guessing that I'm close to 180 (I pray that I'm not more than that) and I'm only 5 ft. 3.
As of last week, I was in panic mode. I'm hosting an important luncheon, and at the luncheon, pictures will be taken. It's an annual luncheon, and last year, I was about ten pounds thinner and thought I looked pretty good----until I saw the pictures. I honestly wanted to cry. I looked FAT--yes, all caps. I have never thought of myself as FAT but the proof was in the picture.
Can you imagine how I feel about this year's luncheon? As I mentioned, I went into panic mode last week and checked out the South Beach diet book from the library. The main reason I chose it is its promise that I'll lose 8 lbs in two weeks. I was on it Friday and Saturday, and it actually wasn't that bad. But then I thought I'd go over to the SB forum and take a look at what others on the program have to say. Well, it was then that I decided that I couldn't carry through with it. There were SO many posts about people who just "knew" that SB worked for them if they could only exercise enough discipline. They'd lost weight on SB and gained it all back.
I've "been there, done that." I don't want to do it again. Besides, it seems as if when I'm on one of those diets, it begins to rule my life. I have to worry about buying special foods, and if there's a eating function, I have to worry about whether there will be anything there I can eat. Also, I thought about whether I could do SB longterm. I do not eat artificial sweetners, and that seems like a major part of the diet, even in maintenance phase.
So, although that 8-lb. loss was enticing, I just cannot do it. No-S makes so much sense to me. It's not the glamorous big losses, but when I think of what plan I can actually stick with longterm, the only one that makes sense to me is No-S. So, why do we (me and whoever else this applies to) ever stray from it?
Thanks for your patience in reading this post. I'm sure you'll see me around these boards from now on!
