Is this failure?

[MarieDe]

I already marked my birthday (May 4th) as an S-day on my HabitCal. But today a friend came over and brought me a birthday cake early and we had some. Today wasn't originally supposed to be an S-day for me, but it would have seemed really strange for me to have refused the cake. I haven't had any other S foods today (my Twizzlers and I are patiently (for once!) waiting for Saturday ). So do I mark today SUCCESS, FAIL, or S-DAY???

[NoelFigart]

I already marked my birthday (May 4th) as an S-day on my HabitCal. But today a friend came over and brought me a birthday cake early and we had some. Today wasn't originally supposed to be an S-day for me, but it would have seemed really strange for me to have refused the cake. I haven't had any other S foods today (my Twizzlers and I are patiently (for once!) waiting for Saturday ). So do I mark today SUCCESS, FAIL, or S-DAY???

Well, I'd mark it as a failure, but it would NOT be a "beat myself up" type of failure. I'll take the hit rather than be unkind to a friend, and refusing the gift would have been so.

That said, you've gotten some important information. In the future, if someone is close enough to you to be bringing you things like birthday cakes, I think they're close enough to you for you to let 'em know you're No-Sing, and explain to them how it's working. (I'd wait a few weeks. That way you're not priming them to be mortified that they "made you cheat on your diet".)

My own friends and family are actually pretty sympathetic to No-S, as it's pretty unobtrusive. I bet yours would be, too!

[wosnes]

I'd say it's a failure.

[butterfly1000]

I would have marked it an S-day. Since all you had was a piece of cake, and it was for your birthday, and you didn't take advantage of the fact that you had cake to eat sweets for the rest of the day, I think an S-day would be o.k.

Maybe I'm not strict enough, but if I had called it a failure, in my mind it would have given me the o.k. to continue eating sweets for the rest of the day (I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what would have happened with me). Calling it an S day, in some circumstances helps the day not turn into a total failure.

Either way, even if you consider it a failure, as Noel mentions, I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

[oolala53]

It's not ideal to decide last minute to make a day an S day, but you have to do that or call it a failure. Reinhard sounds like he never had a big problem with assigning that term to his actions, even for small mistakes. It can be hard for those of us who feel that we've failed so much. However, when I look at my Habitcal and see a lot of green and yellow, it makes it easier to accept the few reds. It's not good to get too lax with this; otherwise, you'll start second-guessing yourself, and the habits will not become engrained.

The other issue is are you trying to lose weight fast or determine how you're going to live or what? What do you think would be the wise behavior in the future? You are going to have to deal with such situations. How? Only you can say.

[JulieMM]

I am new here, but I have seen Reinhard reference "Failures" that he's had because he couldn't say no to his MIL or other people close to him. If it were me I would take the hit call it a failure. I think calling it what it is and moving on, helps us to keep from becoming accountants, and you sound like you didn't enjoy it the way you should enjoy it on an S day. Anyway, thats my opinion. Best of luck and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[paulawylma]

I think that the important thing is clarity. I'm not sure why but reading your post gave me the idea that at the time you ate the cake you considered it a cheat. If it's a red day in your mind then call it a red day but don't beat yourself up over it. So it's a red day, treasure the memory of the cake and move on. I do hope you took the time to savor and enjoy the cake. And enjoy your birthday when it finally comes. Don't try to make up the red day. you don't deserve punishment for being human. BTW, many cakes freeze well.

[MarieDe]

I would have marked it an S-day. Since all you had was a piece of cake, and it was for your birthday, and you didn't take advantage of the fact that you had cake to eat sweets for the rest of the day, I think an S-day would be o.k.

Maybe I'm not strict enough, but if I had called it a failure, in my mind it would have given me the o.k. to continue eating sweets for the rest of the day (I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what would have happened with me). Calling it an S day, in some circumstances helps the day not turn into a total failure.

Either way, even if you consider it a failure, as Noel mentions, I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

It seems like some people here decide on which days will be their S-days as they go, but I knew before I even started that if I didn't map out my S-days in advance, I'd end up more-or-less making every other day an S-day! I did briefly consider just calling it an S-day and eating whatever I wanted for the rest of the day, but I did so well Mon., Tues., and Wed., and I wasn't really having any serious cravings (truth be told, I didn't even really want the cake that much-don't get me wrong, it was a very good delicious cake, but we'd just eaten dinner and I was stuffed! Part of the reason I've waffled on whether to call this a failure is that it really wasn't a give in to temptation kind of thing, I ate the cake almost entirely "for appearances"). You say calling it an S-day would have helped you stay in control the rest of the day, as opposed to calling it a failure, to me I think thinking in either term would have prolly given me liscense, in my mind, to blow the rest of the day as well, had I been inclined to. I guess the most accurate way to put it is that I had "an S-moment", but to avoid the slippery slope of last-minute S-day announcments, I think I will "take the hit" and call it a FAIL, but I don't feel discouraged or set-back by it as I would a give in to temptation type of fail.

[MarieDe]

I think that the important thing is clarity. I'm not sure why but reading your post gave me the idea that at the time you ate the cake you considered it a cheat. If it's a red day in your mind then call it a red day but don't beat yourself up over it. So it's a red day, treasure the memory of the cake and move on. I do hope you took the time to savor and enjoy the cake. And enjoy your birthday when it finally comes. Don't try to make up the red day. you don't deserve punishment for being human. BTW, many cakes freeze well.

I was also considering declaring Saturday or my actual birthday as an N-day to make up for this, but I think you are right, S-day exchanges are a bad idea, either as a punishment for slipping up or done in advance to "give permission to cheat" on a previously declared N-day (i.e. "I can have this today if I decide not to have it on Saturday").

[kccc]

I guess the most accurate way to put it is that I had "an S-moment", but to avoid the slippery slope of last-minute S-day announcments, I think I will "take the hit" and call it a FAIL, but I don't feel discouraged or set-back by it as I would a give in to temptation type of fail.

I think that is an EXCELLENT approach - exactly the right mindframe.

I had a similar event this week, when I felt social concerns genuinely outweighed being rigid about No-S. I ate one cookie and stopped. Officially, a fail. But it was a conscious choice, not a lapse in will, and it was highly "contained," not affecting the rest of my day/week. I don't feel bad about it, though it is a red for me and I really don't like reds.

One of the benefits of No-S for me (a recovering perfectionist) is the growing ability to accept my own imperfection - to accept a small failure without obsessing or spiraling down further. Vmsurbat coined one of my favorite No-s quotes: "Mark it and move on." Seems applicable here.

Hope your birthday is wonderful!