First I stopped worrying so much about calories (though it still enters my head I just push it out and tell myself not to think about it)
Then I stopped worrying so much about being so healthy and so nutrition minded and eat what I feel like even if that means cranberry bread made from ...heaven forbid... white flour.
Then I decided to throw out my too tight clothing and then I decided to accept myself the way I am even though I do want to get a few pounds off of my 5'2" frame. I don't need to try to be so uber thin now but I do need just a few pounds off.
Then I finally had a successful S day last weekend.
Then I managed to go 8 days without a binge.... HUGE for me even though I had a devil on my shoulder all week egging me on to do it... I refrained.
Then I decided to do some excercise this week -- not to use up calories but because I want to get fit for my children and have energy and tone up a bit.
My question is, how long did it take some of you to get over the diet mentality?
I feel like things are changing for me now for the first time in so many years of a complete anxiety ridden, prison of calorie counting, obsession, comparisons, feeling horrible, unworthy, like a failure etc. It might be too early for me to say but I know I have never felt this way before.
I think for the first time I am enjoying what I eat. I am looking forward now to buying all new clothes and not live in such tight clothes. I'm going to actually drink some wine from time to time (I always avoided it because of the calories) with my husband. I'm going to have my treats on S days out in the open and not in a private shame where I gorge myself and feel out of control. I'm 41 in a few months and finally feel like I want to enjoy my life instead of constant worry, shame from binges and feeling bad all the time.
Have any of you ever gone through these transformations and/or feelings?
I hope it lasts and I don't backslide again. It is still difficult because I have an internal war going on inside between acceptance and wanting to be thin but the acceptance voice keeps getting louder which is so incredibly weird for me. I've never known this voice before.
Thanks for reading this long post. I just can't believe how much I have changed in just a few short weeks of no-s. It sounds dramatic but I think it has saved my life.
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