I just threw out a bunch of tight fitting clothes and it was very difficult for me. It was like letting go of the dream of being thin. I let go of the pressure, expectations, hope, regret, and sense of failure from all the diets I tried and I'm back to square one with my weight, if not more (I don't weigh myself).
I wonder if I am just going to maintain at the weight I am now which does not make me happy at all, but it is not going to be healthy or happy for me to go on yet another diet. I just can't do it. I'm mentally drained from it and I know the moment I diet is the moment I will binge and I just don't want to do it anymore. I can't go back to that.
Also, going 10 days without a binge is strange for me. As awful as it was/is - bingeing is like a friend/devil I know. Without binge eating I can't zone out with food when I'm stressed or anxious I have to just feel it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I just think that something has happened to me since doing No-S, a real shift that I have seen glimpses of in the past but not to this extent so much so that it makes me think for the first time I am actually healing from this horrible binge eating problem and diet mentality. I honestly thought before no-s I was losing my mind as I couldn't figure out why I binged but I knew it was because I was restricting food from dieting so much.
Anyways, No-S has really helped me and so have all of you here so thanks for reading and hopefully this feeling will pass.
I just want the weight to come off but at the same time I'm also feeling a sense of acceptance which just feels incredibly strange and scary to me.
![Embarassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)