pangelsue...revisting the idea of hunger management (long!)

[Kwag Myers]

When I read through the thread pangelsue posted where she asked for practical suggestions about dealing with hunger, I came to realize hunger management is a skill that can be learned. And, like any new skill, it comes with practice.

I decided to share my experience here. Sue, I hope some of what I say will be helpful to you...

First, I think you should know you were someone I could definitely relate to when I read the postings on this board. We share a lot of the same struggles, and we both eat for so many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with physical hunger. I think because we've used food in order to celebrate when we're happy, to comfort ourselves when we're upset or sad, to numb ourselves when we don't want to or think we can't handle any given situation, etc., there is an added emotional component whenever we experience real, physical hunger.

When I ate three meals a day with nothing in between I definitely experienced true hunger on a fairly regular basis. At first, it totally freaked me out. I felt uncomfortable being hungry, and then I intensified that feeling by being anxious about being uncomfortable. One of the ways I used food was as a defense against feeling any sort of discomfort. I also wanted immediate satisfaction--just could not handle the concept of delayed gratification when it came to being hungry. So then the entire situation became more about my anxiety (sometimes it seemed like it bordered on panic) than it did about acknowledging and accepting a normal physical sensation.

Here are some things I learned along the way--not only about recognizing what was happening, but ways of ultimately coping. Take what you can use and leave the rest:

* It was really helpful to me to make a firm commitment to what I referred to then as my abstinence--to eat three meals a day with absolutely nothing in between. I established in my head that I had made this decision on my own behalf--that it was my choice to do this--and that I was going to do my level best despite any discomfort. Then when the hunger came the first thing I said to myself (inside my head at times, but sometimes right out loud) was, "Geeze, I'm really hungry, but I'm not going to eat anything until it's time for my next meal." Eating was not an option.

* At first it was incredibly difficult to live up to my commitment. I wanted to rationalize my way out of it by making the discomfort into a medical emergency. "I feel shaky and light headed and I might pass out if I do not eat something this VERY instant!" I came to understand that those symptoms were real...but they did not necessitate eating something. There was only ONE time in over nine months of abstinence that I knew I was having real, diabetic blood sugar issues (this was when I got the bright idea to have a Jamba Juice Smoothie and call it dinner...). On that night I gave into the voice of reason, and I ate something after my last meal that had protein in it.

* My regular work schedule is from Noon-9:00 PM, and I tried to use that as an excuse for not being able to get in my three regular meals with nothing in between. I mean my dinner break is at 4:00 in the afternoon--how in the world was I expected to go from then until the next morning without eating anything?! I made up my mind I was going to do it, and that helped tremendously.

* This might seem hokey, but one thing I always did at the end of my dinner meal was to say out loud, "Okay, I'm finished eating for this day, but I'll be able to eat again tomorrow."

* I think one of the most helpful things during this time was to experience an upward spiral. I was all too familiar with the downward spiral when it came to giving in to my hunger. I got hungry. I first tried to deny it. Then if it didn't immediately go away I began to focus on it. Soon I was consumed by it and began to get angry and think to myself, "It's not fair that I can't have fill in the blank..." Before long I said, "Oh, to hell with it--I'm just gonna have whatever it was I wanted and I'll start again tomorrow." Then I ate the object of my desire--didn't ever enjoy or savor it--and within a nanosecond was consumed with guilt and self-loathing which only made me want to eat in order to numb out those particular uncomfortable emotions. But when I managed to do it differently--when I just refused to give into it--I discovered that I would not die from being hungry (and I don't mean that sarcastically--at first being panicky about it made me think I could actually d-i-e). I learned that physical hunger is unpleasant, but tolerable. And after I had gone through several episodes where I was successful--I was able to remember how fabulous it felt emotionally to stay the course. I could say to myself without lying, "I've done this before, so I know it's possible. And I also know I'll feel soooo much better about myself if I honor my commitment."

* I began to trust the process. I began to trust my body...and I think my body began to trust me. It learned I wasn't being mean to it or forcing it to be deprived for intolerably long periods of time, rather I was finally being kind and taking gentle good care of it by feeding it regularly and reasonably.

* I made a firm decision to NEVER again eat something I did not like in the interest of losing weight. I decided I would eat things that would not only satisfy my hunger but would also satisfy my soul.

* There were plenty of times I made unwise choices--mostly in the area of not eating enough to carry me through until it was time to eat again without getting pretty hungry. During those times I found it was most helpful to just practice ACCEPTANCE. "Oh perfect," I said, "I just finished eating 45 minutes ago, and I'm ALREADY hungry. But I'm not going to eat anything until my next meal..." Accepting a difficult situation rather than immediately getting all bent out of shape about it somehow made it easier to bear.

* I did have times where I a-l-m-o-s-t caved. I remember a couple of times where I went straight to bed as soon as I got home from work because I knew if I didn't, I would eat the entire world. I learned I needed to find some self-soothers for the really tough times. I'll list a few of mine here, but I think each person has to find what works for their unique self. My list included: taking a bath--there were some weeks when I spent a great deal of time in the tub; knitting--straight rows; listening to relaxation/affirmation CDs; spending some quality time with my Slinky (I have one in my bedside table and one in my locker at work--the real metal kind...); asking someone to hold me...or rocking back and forth and hugging my own self (desperate times call for desperate measures!); having a cup of tea; and last but not least--CRYING!

* I actually made my own affirmation recording. I wrote a script and read it into a digital recorder and my husband then made it into a CD. I tried to listen to it a couple of times of day--I figured saturating my subconscious with positive messages couldn't hurt...and it might help.


Geeze, this has turned into quite a ramble. I didn't mean to overwhelm you--I just wanted to suggest the possibility that there really are ways to get past an obstacle that seems insurmountable. I think if you'll give yourself a large helping of grace while you practice and experiment, you'll find your own solutions to hunger management.

[pangelsue]

We could be twins and I am in awe that you took this time to help me work my way through the maze. I will be printing this out and reading it daily. Thank you so very much. Actually, I just finished taking a couple of weeks hiatus to think things through and yesterday I had my first successful day back. I needed to back off and decide if I was committed to this or not. It has all become so confused. I was obsessing about food again, not losing weight and, yes, in almost constant panic. For the first week, I wasn't at all sure I would be back. It just felt so good to not care for a while. Then the second week I knew I did care and that I will never find a better plan for me than this one. So I'm back with new determination and some of the stars out of my eyes that losing weight on this plan would be a cinch (after my first 21 successes, I actually believed it would be.) It will be tough but possible. I have also made a list of realities that I personally need to keep in mind that might make progress for me very slow, but again possible.
They are:
I am 61 and have a lot of arthritis issues (bad knees, neck injury issues and lower back problems). I won't be able to do tons of exercise. I will have to accept the fact that movement of any kind is good but slow and steady movement will not give me the calorie burn that ensures accelerated weight loss. Patience.

Because of my age, my metabolism is slower and I can't expect to lose the way a 30 year old will lose. So I shouldn't compare myself to them. It makes me feel miserable and then I feel like giving up. I am me and no one else. Patient acceptance.

Some of the decisions I make about food are because of the way I feel about food and health and have nothing to do with No S. I choose not to eat certain (albeit delicious) foods because they are not good for me, not because they are not allowed. I often confuse those 2 issues. If I want a high fat, red meat dish and I choose not to have it, that is not an issue with No S, that is a personal choice and I confuse the two. If it is a personal choice, then I shouldn't regret it. If I do regret it, then I should eat it. Recognize that No S restricts nothing but sugar during the week. Any other choices are my own.

I have dealth with some depression and panic most of my life and I must separate those feelings from hunger and deal with them on their level, not cover them up with food.

Thanks again for caring enough to share this with me. I appreciate it more than you know. Good luck on your journey as well.

[harpista]

I have dealth with some depression and panic most of my life and I must separate those feelings from hunger and deal with them on their level, not cover them up with food.

Oh my God.

Glad I read this one.

[donnao1965]

i have been struggling for some time, especially with the issue of hunger and/or percieved hunger

i have also been in turmoil over defining my own abstinence and i asked my higher power to please, once and for all point me to the plan that is right for me

your post is my affirmation

you are right- i will not die from hunger

i am a recovering bulimic, and i have not purged in 7 years
when i first stopped purging, i made the committment in my head that i would keep what i ate NO MATTER WHAT !!

it was hard, i gained weight , i cried, i was panicked-- but i made it thru
( with my HP's) help

and now i know that i must make this level of commitment to no snacks
no seconds and no sweets- it is simple, but not easy

thank you guys, for letting a power greater than yourselves speak to me thru you

Donna O

[pangelsue]

Donna,
What a story of triumph!!! You can very proud of yourself for working through one of the toughest times in your life. There are so many who don't. I love Harpista's quote on her posts. It is written in latin but she translates it as "there is no garland without the dust of the arena". You have put in your time in the arena and you are wearing that garland of success. Congratulations.

[gettnbusy]

We can all benefit from this thread. THANK YOU!!

I know I definitely learned a thing or two!

[MerryKat]

Thank you SO MUCH for posting this (and taking the time to analyse it all and break it into useful components).

I have been suffering with the angry because I can't eat (whatever) for about 18 months!

I am now tired of being angry and I am sick of feeling sorry for myself.

I have medical issues which indicate that I should not eat certain foods, but in moderation, I can still enjoy most things.

I am back to No S as this is the only sane option for me and I really need to put some of your wonderful experiences into practice.

I am going to copy this and read it daily.

Thanks again for putting so much into persepective and voicing a lot of how I feel at times.