No Binge Failures

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Betty
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No Binge Failures

Post by Betty » Thu May 15, 2008 8:35 am

Coming back to No-S after quite a long lapse, I'm remembering all over again where the sticky points are. For me, one of the hardest things is to fail and then continue to maintain strictness.

I read an article once about how total abstinance programs like AA don't work so well with perfectionists because one failure means it's all over for them. I do the same thing. PERFECT for 2.37 weeks and then, a slip up and then, a binge. And somehow the next failure is easier after the first one, like an ever growing crack in a leaky dam.

What I did last time was this: a tag on my habit cal called No-Binge Failure. The idea is that if I do slip up I get a red mark for No-S, but if I can get myself back on track (stop after the one cookie or whatever) for the rest of the day I can put a green mark on the No-Binge Failure tag.

After a while, I found that I felt most successful when my No-Binge Failure calander was all green, even if there were a few red marks on my No-S calander.

Betty

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JillyBean
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Post by JillyBean » Thu May 15, 2008 12:14 pm

Hey, Betty!

I like that idea! I tend to be a perfectionist too and I am learning to let go of some of it through doing No-S. I just came from a very strict group in OA where you weigh and measure all your food and there is NO sugar, NO flour and NO wheat allowed EVER. If you have any, you go back to Day 1, and you can't talk in meetings until you have 90 days of perfect abstinence. That really messed with my mind, I can tell you!

Yesterday I was thinking that I have not had a red mark yet on No S, which I like (being a perfectionist), but then what happens if a day comes and I do have to put in a red box? The littlest bit of fear started coming up for me. Will I binge if that happens? (I have not binged since starting No-S about 5 weeks ago.) Am I being obsessive now about this? Am I setting myself up to fail yet again? I don't want that to happen, so what do I do about it in advance?

All these questions went through my head in about 30 seconds. Then I think I pushed it away and got busy. Didn't want to go there. For me, I am learning that it is about habits. And about my expectations for myself. If I think I'm going to fail before long, I probably will. So, I won't dwell on that possibility. I am moving forward. I love this new way of eating and the only reason I now know that I have been 5 weeks without bingeing is because I just looked back on my habitcal. I am staying in today, building new, better habits, ones that I know I can live happily with for the rest of my life.

If/when the day comes that I do have to put a red mark on my No-S day habitcal, I will try to rememer the No-Binge calendar!
Jill

The food I eat today is my choice! What price am I willing to pay?

"There are no failures, only feedback." ~~ Robert Allen

kccc
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Post by kccc » Thu May 15, 2008 12:16 pm

Betty, I like your approach. I consider myself a "recovering perfectionist" (like a "recovering" anything, it's something I'll always have to keep an eye on, even as I learn better habits of thought), so I hear you on the all-or-nothing mentality.

No-S has been very helpful to me in terms of an eating plan, but it's also taught me strategies that flow into other areas of my life. Reinhard's podcast on "strictness" remains one of my favorites. The general attitude about admitting failure (which I have issues with) so you can CONTAIN it is slowly making sense to me... and even expecting some failure as you learn. My general coping strategies are getting better.

Good for you for finding a very concrete way to acknowledge a really important change in your approach!

AnnaBanana
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Post by AnnaBanana » Thu May 15, 2008 1:04 pm

First off please don't get offended by this, because I know where you are coming from.

I always said I was a perfectionist... an all or nothing kind of person...having said that, here is my take on this attitude since doing No S.

I've come to realize that I used that as an excuse. Through struggling and keeping going on NO S these last 3 weeks, somewhere along the way I realized I was taking the power back in my life.

Binging for me was about feeling something or someone else had the power and it was a form of rebellion against that power that I thought was trying to control me.

I think NO S removes that power struggle from the exterior to the interior. In other words... if we keep on struggling and trying to make No S work, the battles we fight will be the ones within ourselves. It will take looking at our emotions and feelings and anger and sometimes even helplessness that we feel.

No one here is telling us what to eat. We can absolutely eat anything we want on our plates. Enchiladas, cheeseburgers, etc., go for it. They are our choices. No S is about guideliness to help us cut back on the excess. But that's about it.

If we recognize binging for what it is... an act of rebellion against something... then I think we begin to realize that we have the power to change that. We are NOT helpless. We are not doomed to binge.... unless we keep letting everyone else have the power in our lives.

For years I think I feared having power over my own life. For that would mean also taking responsibility for my life and choices. That would be way too scary. So I put up roadblocks to success without realizing it.

The all or nothing attitude and the attitude of having to be perfect were two of the biggest ones (excuses) I used.

Again, please don't be offended... these are just things I am learning along the way.
Laura Ann
SW: 282
CW: 173
GW: 150-185

Then the time came when the pain of staying a tight bud became greater than the risk it took to bloom.

AnnaBanana
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Post by AnnaBanana » Thu May 15, 2008 1:27 pm

I guess I'm worried I hurt someone's feelings here and that was not my intention. I was just opening up and laying it all out there for people to see my own struggles and light bulb realizations I have been having in the hopes they might help someone else.

I think if you can keep struggling and fighting through this you'll get to the core of what you're fighting inside of you and once you do that and identify that which you are struggling with, you can let go of some of these attitudes and move on... or at least begin to try.

For me, I realized that being raised in an ultra strict family and religion where I absolutely had NO choices in my life... not choices of friends, boyfriends, clothes or even what I ate, and an environment where everything had catastrophic consequences if you stepped out of line, this set me up that for these past 30 years of adulthood for balking at anyone or anything trying to fence me in.

But I also rebelled against even self-limitations and self-power and self-control.

Now I am beginning to realize that the only thing I can change, the only thing I can control, is myself. And it is a powerful and scary feeling. But it is also very freeing.
Laura Ann
SW: 282
CW: 173
GW: 150-185

Then the time came when the pain of staying a tight bud became greater than the risk it took to bloom.

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NoelFigart
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Post by NoelFigart » Thu May 15, 2008 1:33 pm

"You can be in control of your actions" is hardly an aggressive, feeling hurting thing to put out there.

I mean, no, name callin' ain't exactly nice, but that's not what you did at all. I rather liked your post.

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BrightAngel
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Re: No Binge Failures

Post by BrightAngel » Thu May 15, 2008 2:10 pm

Betty wrote: a tag on my habit cal called No-Binge Failure. The idea is that if I do slip up I get a red mark for No-S, but if I can get myself back on track (stop after the one cookie or whatever) for the rest of the day I can put a green mark on the No-Binge Failure tag.
After a while, I found that I felt most successful when my No-Binge Failure calander was all green, even if there were a few red marks on my No-S calander.
Betty,
That sounds like a great idea to me.
I'm already doing something a bit similiar with my HabitCal.

Since I count calories through my Diet Power software program,
and I know my maximum daily calorie burn is in the low 1400s,
I added a HabitCal calender for 1499caloriesOrLess,
and I get a green box when I succeed at that no matter what else
happens that day.

I use 4 HabitCal calenders.
I have a HabitCal calender for basic NoS;
one for No-Snacking; and one for Exercise, 15 min or more.

I look forward to checking the boxes every day.
When they are all green, I'm thrilled,
but even if one of them has a red day,
at least I can get a green day on one or more of the others.

This helps me avoid "all or nothing" thinking.
BrightAngel - (Dr. Collins)
See: DietHobby. com

swimfit
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Post by swimfit » Thu May 15, 2008 2:31 pm

Betty, this is a great idea. hopefully it will help me learn to not be so all or nothing. I am going to add it to my HabitCal! :-)

Dawn
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Post by Dawn » Thu May 15, 2008 4:43 pm

Betty: Great idea. You are managing your problem, not letting it manage you!

Laura Ann: I think you make a good point about excuses in general. As I go further into this I am discovering that I am way sneakier and trickier than I even suspect I was. Of course we all have things that we can't avoid, but that doesn't mean we can't think of a great way around them - like Betty did. But anytime we think we have a ligitimate excuse, we really should re-examine it to see if it's just a really old habit that we are kind of scared to deal with.

Great post and great input from everyone!
Dawn

Betty
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Post by Betty » Fri May 16, 2008 10:13 am

Laura Ann,

I'm not offended at all! As a matter of fact, I'm battling a lot of the same issues you are.

I agree, perfectionism can be used as an excuse. But I also tend to make excuses to the tune of: oh, well, I already blew it. A failure is a failure, so where's the ice cream?

Having the No Binge tag gives me an out. A failure IS a failure, but a failure that doesn't derail is, for me, a huge success!

Betty

trytrytry
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Post by trytrytry » Fri May 16, 2008 10:32 am

Hi Betty,
I actually love your idea and decided to apply it to my red days and S days.
This way it will help me to distinguish good S days from bad S days and slip ups form complete failures. And will indeed be a good motivation to stop thinking:
oh, well, I already blew it. A failure is a failure, so where's the ice cream?
Thanks for sharing!

AnnaBanana
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Location: Austin, Texas

Post by AnnaBanana » Fri May 16, 2008 2:20 pm

Betty,

I guess I didn't realize myself that I am actually doing that myself... just inside my head.

Used to, even one bite of something was a license to go all out and say forget this, I can't do it.

But the honest truth was, I was letting, at best, a 25-50 calorie bite blow an entire way of eating or change of lifestyle. Now I'm stopping myself and taking it for what it was worth. A bite of cheesecake is just that... a bite of cheesecake. And it's a heck of a lot better than an all out binge.

I'm guessing that is what skinny people do all the time.

I've gotta laugh at the thought that when Reinhard created this website for what he considered to be a no-nonsense way to weight loss, that he would have tons of women like us logging on with binge issues and emotional issues. Sometimes he must want to run for the hills. :lol:
Laura Ann
SW: 282
CW: 173
GW: 150-185

Then the time came when the pain of staying a tight bud became greater than the risk it took to bloom.

Who Me?
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Post by Who Me? » Mon May 09, 2011 7:49 pm

Another fascinating discussion, about the pitfalls of trying to be perfect.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun May 22, 2011 7:15 pm

Don't know how I missed this great discussion. I wanted to start a thread just for wannabe ex-bingers, as I think our problem is trickier than just being a simple overeater (which is tricky, I know) or definitely being just an opportunistic/ entertainment eater, which I think is what Reinhard was. The no binge habitcal is a brilliant idea. I'm jealous that I didn't think of it! I participate on Sparkpeople on the Living Binge Free team, so I think I was keeping track there, but habitcal is so graphic.

I think it's great that people can tell of their insights about how we fool ourselves. I hid out for a long time in the accept-my-body-at-any-weight corner. It has a lot of validity, but I think it kept me eating a lot out of rebellion. And in the eat-when-you're hungry camp, but not admitting that I wasn't able to do it, or tell when I was hungry enough.
Count plates, not calories. 10 years "during"
Age 67
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8
3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux
6/21 22

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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