feeling lost

[oolala53]

I'm feeling lost and perplexed and even a little frightened. Since my three weeks of S-days back before Thanksgiving, I've complied very little with NoS. I started the weekend S-days last Thursday and have pretty much eaten non-stop since then, almost all carbs and sweets. I do that every weekend, even when I've had moderate adherence to N day rules. I'm fatter than when I started. It scares me that the discomfort and disappointment of this is not motivation enough not to do it. Plus, getting back into exercising--mostly dancing, because I love it, is not having the same effect it used to. I stay winded and my endurance is not returning. Last summer, I was 13 lbs. down, but still above my "normal" BMI range, yet I thought I looked pretty good for my age. Now I'm back to feeling and looking dowdy. I bought four pairs of new bigger pants and even they don't feel comfortable three weeks later. oooh, I better stop because I'm building this into a pity party. Thankfully, I feel too sick to my stomach to eat over it. But, I don't have much faith that I'll be able to get back on the horse tomorrow.

[wosnes]

But, I don't have much faith that I'll be able to get back on the horse tomorrow.

I think the most important thing is for you to believe that you can do it. What's the old saying? "Whether you think you can or think you can't -- you're right." It seems to me that you're setting yourself up to fail.

[apomerantz]

Oh dear . . . I'm sorry you've ended up in this predicament. The good news is that you can turn it around RIGHT NOW and get back to a better place.

I think you should just not worry about the S days except for keeping them on Saturday and Sunday only. Worry about the N days. "Moderate adherence" is not really practicing No S. It's really black and white, times when you should and should not be eating. Foods that you should and should not eat.

Today is an N day. That's three meals that fit on three plates. That's it. You know the rules. Just know right now you are going to have a few hours of discomfort today before each meal and tell yourself that you are going to embrace those feelings. Those feelings mean you are doing the right thing for yourself. It's just hunger, and it won't kill you. If you can't stand it, busy yourself with something out of the house so you can't even make the choice to eat. It's just hunger, and you don't need to succumb to it. Just picture your brain sending out the chemicals telling you that you are hungry and you replying, "well you are going to have to wait".

I think once you get a string of N days under your belt, you will begin to feel better and in a lot more control. But I still wouldn't be bothered with the S days for a couple of months until those N days are really solid.

You can do this. You know you really want to.

Don't over think it. Don't think about tomorrow. Or how hard it is. Or whether it feels good. Just do it.

[apomerantz]

p.s. Not sure if you already own the book, but if you don't, I suggest getting a copy and reading from it whenever you are hungry. It's definitely motivational and spells out all the details of No S and WHY you are doing what you are doing . . .

[TexArk]

I can't say it any better than apomerantz, but I want to let you know that we have been where you are. Please, just focus on N days and strictly "fasting" between meals. A good analogy someone else on this board used was comparing this to puppy training. You crate the puppy between meals so to speak. It really is easier to do this focusing on just one meal at a time. That is the essential habit to get down. Focus on the N day changes only. Do not worry about the S days yet.

Think about this;
1. Changes in habit take place in small steps. You cannot work on all habits at once. (as in S days, exercise, size of plates, etc. in addition to N day's 3 rules)

2. Changes must be INTENTIONAL. That is why you cannot just sort of work this plan.

Check in every day. We will encourage you along the way. You can do it. Be patient with yourself. I am on Day 87 and am now feeling very comfortable with N Days. As far as S days go, I usually have one day out of the two that I am not proud of, but before NoS I was either restrictive dieting or out of control. I am confident that soon I will have 2 S days each weekend that aren't crazy.

This probably sound strange to your ears now, but I really like the feeling of hunger. My meals taste so good, and I hate to sit down to a meal and not be hungry. I really don't like being too full. This would never have just happened by itself or from analyzing my hunger/fullness at all times. It just comes from the N day habit.

Have a good N day.

[gratefuldeb67]

It scares me that the discomfort and disappointment of this is not motivation enough not to do it. Plus, getting back into exercising--mostly dancing, because I love it, is not having the same effect it used to.

Hi Oohlala, sorry you feel down.
Honestly the reason I picked that quote was to say two things.
1. Motivation has to be POSITIVE to be effective.
Try to turn this around to a positive mind set.
Rather than think "I am doing this cos I'm tired of being uncomfortable", try and mentally shift that to "I am excited to feel energetic and fit again" and just keep your focus on that mental picture of yourself at your best till you get there. Also, try to get outside for a walk whenever possible. That totally helps me get out of a negative mindset, almost instantaneously, and I realise all the potential for positive change.

2. Keep doing that dancing cos you love it. That is the best motivation for doing *anything*.. Don't worry whether it is having the same effect on weight loss, because your primary reason for doing it is because you like it, and that in itself is worth it.

Focus on just not having sweets during the week and don't start S days on Thursdays. When I am honest with myself, and see how my week has been by checking in daily on my Habit Cal, I see a direct correlation between my diet and my weight.

It seems almost, from your tone, that you just need to ditch the whole "I'm afraid and lost" mindset, and get really tough love on yourself and face up to how much you are or aren't staying on habit. That will take the lost aspect *right out* of the pic.. No more lost, no more perplexed..
You will see what needs to be done.
Take complete responsibility.
It's much nicer to do that *even* when you are having failures, then to be feeling like some kind of "victim" of circumstance.

Then,,, try your hardest to put all your energy on the worst of the habits you have, which sounds like sweets from what you wrote.

After that..
Try to be proactive and make sure you have lots of healthy food available during the week, and maybe plan some really extravagant S treats in advance, so you have something to look forward to on the weekend.

Hope I didn't sound too harsh.
Positive vibes!

Debs x

[oolala53]

Thanks for your help. However, hunger is not my problem. It's eating when I am not hungry. But, as you said, my action to focus on is to crate the puppy/fast between meals. I, too, actually like getting hungry and know that I enjoy my food more when I am. It's amazing how that knowledge flies out the window in other circumstances. Dealing with that urge to eat when I am not hungry is much harder than with a growling stomach, in my experience.

Eyes on the prize, not on the pies.

[apomerantz]

oolala,

I get what you are saying about eating when you aren't hungry. Frankly, I've been in your position, and basically you simply stop differentiating between hungry and not hungry. Food just tastes good, and you want it. All the time.

But I think the differentiation is a needless one.

Basically whether you are hungry or not. Whether food tastes good or not. You just need to "crate the puppy" (love that expression already!). Just one 4-5 hour block at a time. It's totally doable, and I know you are going to do it.

When you have your meals initially, I'd definitely try to incorporate foods that you truly love into each one. Not sweets, but something else you really, really like (don't laugh, but for me it is lox on a bagel). . .that will give you pleasure each day and reinforce the good habits you are building for yourself.

[gratefuldeb67]

Eyes on the prize, not on the pies.

Hahah LOL
You're funny Oohlala
Yeah,,,, keep your blinders on!!
Avoiding impulses to eat stuff in front of you, is a huge drain of energy.
So, avoid those situations when possible.
I spent the first year of NoS chanting a mantra, "No it's not an S day" each and every time I was confronted with going down the sweets/cookies aisle in the supermarket, and I would actually try to avert my eyes from it.

Or maybe just remember "You're pre disapproved"
I always found Reinhard's sense of humour was spot on with that one, and whenever I find myself "talking myself down" from the ledge, so to speak, I say it really helps to do it with kindness and humour.

Take care!
Debs x

[TexArk]

I am going to pop in one more time to clarify my post. I really do know what you mean about eating when you are not hungry. That is my story. I should have worn off the hinges opening the cupboards or refrigerator door either giving in or fighting not to give in; and many times I would start with just a little and finish off a whole box, sleeve, carton, etc. and of course I was not hungry. It just tasted good or provided a postponement for what I should be doing, or was comforting, etc. I ate at my desk; I ate while watching TV; I ate in the car; I ate while I was reading. And the more I dieted and restricted, the more I ate in between times. Hunger had nothing to do with it!

What I was trying to express is that after focusing on just those 3 meals for a couple of months, eventually the pleasure of eating meals when I was hungry (instead of full from all day nibbling or indulging or bingeing) began to outweigh the immediate gratification I was getting from eating when I wasn't hungry. The thought of the next meal tasting so good began to override the disgust, guilt, and bloated feeling that would come from the inbetween meal stuff. And that is why it is important to eat what you want at each meal (except the sweets). You have something to look forward to instead of some boring "diet" meal. Eventually, your meals will begin to be more balanced, nutritious, and the right size; but this will just happen because eventually that is what your body wants.

Now to reinforce what apomerantz said better than I, don't worry or make decisions about hunger or calories--just do the 3 rules (crate the puppy), and enjoy your 3 meals. She added bagels. I added homemade bread and butter and real salad dressing! I am going to bet that a few months down the road, without even being aware of it happening at first, one day you will realize,"Hey, I've actually changed." There are many positive side effects of this new habit. I have been an emotional eater for most of my life, and this is the first thing I have done that has shown me that I had simply developed a very bad habit that could be changed by following a very normal, sustainable way of eating.

We hear you loud and clear and that is why we are responding. We know you can do this one meal at a time. I see that LA-Loser is now officially the cheerleader.

[la_loser]

To echo what the others have said. I'll throw in that I'm not even sure my eating was "emotional" as such. . . I've probably described as that before, but it was and could be again since I'm still working it, totally habitual. And although it perhaps was sometimes out of boredom, it wasn't because I didn't have anything else to do. . . but how much easier it is to check out the fridge or the cabinets or whatever than it is to make yourself to that list of things, either real lists or mental lists that need to be done. I guess I'm saying that my eating was often avoidance of doing something else.

Prior to No S, I was convinced that I could not survive without a mid-morning and mid-afternoon and after dinner snack. . . which was usually much more than a 'SNACK.' And I'm amazed that I haven't passed out yet from starvation between those meals. Who would have guessed!

And whoever came up the "crate the puppy" idea--I love it-I guess I had missed it before. May have to add that to the NO S Glossary of Zingers, etc.

You are the only one who can do this for you--so like I was just telling someone else. . . make like a NIKE commercial and JUST DO IT! And you fail, follow Reinhard's advice that often it takes a lot of failures for this to "catch" so get in there and get some failures under your belt!