Hi there,
I'm just really fed up and angry with myself.
I messed up three times this week. Three! Once was because I was working very, very long hours and got hungry. The second time was due to hunger, and the third was for emotional reasons. I know those aren't good excuses and I'm not asking for your pity. I'm just venting.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
I haven't made any progress. At the beginning of this diet, I gained 3-5 pounds. Then I lost 3-5 pounds. Hence I'm back at square one. I've been at this for about a month. I'd be happy with a 10-pound weight loss (well, I really should lose 20, but let's just start with something smaller).
I've increased my exercise dramatically, and I eat mostly home-cooked, healthy food now as opposed to before, lots of vegetables, but it doesn't seem to matter at all. I feel ugly and horrible about myself.
What makes things more difficult is my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand that I'm trying to lose weight, even though I've told him. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with my body so he doesn't seem to get it. I see him mostly on weekends, so technically those are S-days, but those S-days seem to be totally stalling my weight loss. I mean, I've seen my weight go down during the week and then go up after a weekend around him. He likes to go to restaurants with rich cuisine and offer me pie and ice cream, and somehow my willpower just crumbles. I guess I just suck.
At Thanksgiving I'll see my family, and I'll be very ashamed if they see me looking this way. I only have about two months to lose, and I'm failing miserably. I've already had to buy pants a size up, and a lot of my shirts aren't fitting over my bust anymore (I've gained about 15-20 pounds since February, and I'm short so it makes a big difference).
I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure. I just don't know where else to turn. Atkins is horrible and I can't do South Beach (mostly due to my boyfriend, I tried but he just ignored me and served me a ton of carbs...What was I supposed to do--refuse all of his hospitality?). I absolutely loathed Weight Watchers with the damn points system--just like counting calories, ugh, and the discussion leader was just vapid.
It just seems with weight loss, if I stray even slightly from the path, I can't lose. I have to be incredibly strict with myself. The problem is that I have a good appetite (which is increased by exercising) and I enjoy food. The issue is that being human and working really long hours, I invariably mess up, and then I get nowhere. I feel like there's no room for error, and I have to be perfect, which is impossible and therefore I'm just hosed.
Sometimes I just hate myself.
Well, thanks for reading my ranting and raving. If you happen to have any helpful comments or insights I'd appreciate it. Sorry to go on for so long.
Sincerely,
Bunny
Really discouraged
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
Okay...deep breath...relax. This is not a quick weight loss program. It's going to be slow going, especially when you have so little to lose.
Concentrate first on the habits. Don't beat yourself up for slip-ups. The big question isn't why you slip up, but why you expect NOT to slip up.
You know that when you're trying to lose weight, the last 10 pounds is the hardest. If you have only 10 to lose, it's not going to be easy to lose them.
Having said that, I wonder if your goal is realistic. I think many of us set lower goals than are realistic, have to work like crazy to get those pounds off and nearly as hard to keep them off.
Concentrate first on the habits. Don't beat yourself up for slip-ups. The big question isn't why you slip up, but why you expect NOT to slip up.
You know that when you're trying to lose weight, the last 10 pounds is the hardest. If you have only 10 to lose, it's not going to be easy to lose them.
Having said that, I wonder if your goal is realistic. I think many of us set lower goals than are realistic, have to work like crazy to get those pounds off and nearly as hard to keep them off.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
THREE deep breaths. Okay, one... two... 
The slip-ups don't seem to me to be as much a problem as how much you're beating yourself up over them. Please don't expect perfection of yourself - good enough IS good enough. Small, consistent steps will take you in the right direction. You're trying to change a lifetime of habits, and that's a big task! So, be gentle with yourself. Applaud your successes - just as you would for a good friend who was trying something new and hard and making progress.
If you're at square one and holding, that's actually good. You've started eating more healthy food, and you're exercising - these are all VERY good things! Over time, they will make a difference.
As for your boyfriend... I can't tell if he just doesn't "get it" or is deliberately sabatoging you, but in either case, you CAN refuse food without refusing hospitality. Show appreciation for consideration, and eat what you want. What YOU want. If you choose to enjoy goodies on an S-day, you ARE allowed (but not obliged). Consider setting some boundaries around his control over what you eat. (I had to do this with my mom, way back when, to whom "food is love." It took some negotation, but it was really a very healthy thing for the relationship.)
But mostly, remember that you are allowed to be human, not perfect. And you are making progress toward a healthier body, even if it doesn't show as fast as you might like.
Hang in there.
The slip-ups don't seem to me to be as much a problem as how much you're beating yourself up over them. Please don't expect perfection of yourself - good enough IS good enough. Small, consistent steps will take you in the right direction. You're trying to change a lifetime of habits, and that's a big task! So, be gentle with yourself. Applaud your successes - just as you would for a good friend who was trying something new and hard and making progress.
If you're at square one and holding, that's actually good. You've started eating more healthy food, and you're exercising - these are all VERY good things! Over time, they will make a difference.
As for your boyfriend... I can't tell if he just doesn't "get it" or is deliberately sabatoging you, but in either case, you CAN refuse food without refusing hospitality. Show appreciation for consideration, and eat what you want. What YOU want. If you choose to enjoy goodies on an S-day, you ARE allowed (but not obliged). Consider setting some boundaries around his control over what you eat. (I had to do this with my mom, way back when, to whom "food is love." It took some negotation, but it was really a very healthy thing for the relationship.)
But mostly, remember that you are allowed to be human, not perfect. And you are making progress toward a healthier body, even if it doesn't show as fast as you might like.
Hang in there.
I'm thinking the bf might have a more realistic idea of what she looks like. Hard to tell, but...KCCC wrote: As for your boyfriend... I can't tell if he just doesn't "get it" or is deliberately sabatoging you,
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
Ah, that could be too - I may have been unfair there. Since I had to set boundaries around other people trying to control my eating, I may be projecting from past history.wosnes wrote:I'm thinking the bf might have a more realistic idea of what she looks like. Hard to tell, but...KCCC wrote: As for your boyfriend... I can't tell if he just doesn't "get it" or is deliberately sabatoging you,
Bunny, just double-checking... where are you on standard measures such as BMI or height/weight charts? Not that they're all that accurate, but our society tends to foster some unrealistic (and downright unhealthy) ideas of what women should look like. No-S will take you to a healthy weight, but it won't take you to waif-like ideals of thin-ness. (Short form: Do you really need to lose those 10 pounds to be healthy??)
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clarinetgal
- Posts: 1709
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:16 am
- Location: Western Washington State
What kind of exercising are you doing? Is it really intense? I know for me, what helped to take off most of the baby weight I lost (close to 52 pounds) was to cut back on the intensity of my exercising. I now do moderate cardio three times a week, light-weight toning 2-3 times a week, core work, yoga, and pilates. Just for reference, I am at a healthy weight and BMI, and I 'could' take a few more pounds off, but I don't 'need' to.
To start with the obvious: you don't suck. Give yourself a break.
The main thing that jumps out at me is this: NoS will never work if you're not the one making decisions about what you eat. A big part of the reason that S-days don't end up turning into the binge-fests that some initially worry about is that you start to get out of the habit of eating so much, and you start to need less sugar to feel like you've had a treat. The important word in the previous sentence being, of course, *you*. If someone else is calling the shots on what you eat, none of that is going to be able to happen.
So I think it's pretty important to get this worked out with your boyfriend. Is he opposed to you losing weight? If so, why? Is he, as suggested above, correct about your not really needing to lose weight? Is he threatened by the idea of you losing weight? (He loves you "just the way you are", but maybe if you lose weight he thinks he'll have to fend off the rest of the pack? This isn't a rational thing to think, but that doesn't mean humans can't think that way.) My impression is that you're going to have trouble with NoS until you figure out what's going on with your boyfriend, and get that resolved somehow. Talking is generally the place to start.
The other thing that rings alarm bells for NoS types is when you say things like you "only have two months to lose weight". NoS isn't a quick scheme, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to treat it that way. The choices seem to be: do you want to lose weight quickly, or permanently? You can have one of the two, but it's exceedingly rare for anyone to achieve both. (And that's not just us saying that, all the medical people agree that long-term weight loss has to be slow.)
Give yourself a break.The main thing that jumps out at me is this: NoS will never work if you're not the one making decisions about what you eat. A big part of the reason that S-days don't end up turning into the binge-fests that some initially worry about is that you start to get out of the habit of eating so much, and you start to need less sugar to feel like you've had a treat. The important word in the previous sentence being, of course, *you*. If someone else is calling the shots on what you eat, none of that is going to be able to happen.
So I think it's pretty important to get this worked out with your boyfriend. Is he opposed to you losing weight? If so, why? Is he, as suggested above, correct about your not really needing to lose weight? Is he threatened by the idea of you losing weight? (He loves you "just the way you are", but maybe if you lose weight he thinks he'll have to fend off the rest of the pack? This isn't a rational thing to think, but that doesn't mean humans can't think that way.) My impression is that you're going to have trouble with NoS until you figure out what's going on with your boyfriend, and get that resolved somehow. Talking is generally the place to start.
The other thing that rings alarm bells for NoS types is when you say things like you "only have two months to lose weight". NoS isn't a quick scheme, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to treat it that way. The choices seem to be: do you want to lose weight quickly, or permanently? You can have one of the two, but it's exceedingly rare for anyone to achieve both. (And that's not just us saying that, all the medical people agree that long-term weight loss has to be slow.)
Last edited by DaveMc on Mon Sep 28, 2009 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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oliviamanda
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2006 11:11 pm
- Location: South Jersey, NJ
DaveMc is right about the time frame thing. I had re-started No S after a long hiatus. I had a wedding to go to, so I wanted to lose weight for it. I might have lost a little but it was very difficult to get the habit thing back down. I rarely ate seconds, but I'm sure I had some days where I couldn't say no to a sweet, which most likely happened at a snack time. I can't lose weight if I put a time frame on it. I am just going to do No S to the best of my ability and in time, I feel my clothes are getting loser. I don't beat myself up if I slip, but I know I am doing the only thing that's going to work for me long term.
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.--- Mark Twain
Chin up!
About the boyfriend feeding you lots of carbs...
If he knows about this diet, he may think he's "treating" you on your S-days.
Try it another way with him - tell him its about your health and how you feel. Tell him thanks for all the food-kindness, but it's important to you to eat a little more carefully. It'll be up to you to make good choices at those restaurants, but it's okay to say "no thank you" to the carb-enriched food if he offers it to you after you've explained.
I can't say that I know the science behind this, but the worst foods to eat when you are trying to lose weight is those loaded with both carbs AND fat. There's a synchronicity there...
You may want to consider what exercising you are doing. I found in my previous incarnation at this that the very best weight loss exercise is... walking. Not running, high-intensity cardio, etc., just a good long, brisk walk (like four or five miles) every day.
It's gonna be okay. You don't suck.
If he knows about this diet, he may think he's "treating" you on your S-days.
Try it another way with him - tell him its about your health and how you feel. Tell him thanks for all the food-kindness, but it's important to you to eat a little more carefully. It'll be up to you to make good choices at those restaurants, but it's okay to say "no thank you" to the carb-enriched food if he offers it to you after you've explained.
I can't say that I know the science behind this, but the worst foods to eat when you are trying to lose weight is those loaded with both carbs AND fat. There's a synchronicity there...
You may want to consider what exercising you are doing. I found in my previous incarnation at this that the very best weight loss exercise is... walking. Not running, high-intensity cardio, etc., just a good long, brisk walk (like four or five miles) every day.
It's gonna be okay. You don't suck.
Kevin
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."
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Blithe Morning
- Posts: 1221
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:56 pm
- Location: South Dakota
Having been there, you are suffering from Diet Head which makes the beginning and end of food about weight rather than nutrition and enjoyment.
Forget about how much you weigh. Follow the rules, get your exercise, call it good. Maybe you'll have to make peace with your body just the way it is. But since it seems to be in good working order, I think that would be enough.
Forget about how much you weigh. Follow the rules, get your exercise, call it good. Maybe you'll have to make peace with your body just the way it is. But since it seems to be in good working order, I think that would be enough.
hospitality
There is nothing either hospitable or cruel in offering people more food than they are really hungry for, but there's really no harm in saying no, either. Believe me, most slim people, those who don't "diet," won't eat a bite more than they are comfortable with, no matter what anyone says. I've seen my brother and nephew-in-law do it for years. When they're done, they're done, whether there's a bite or a half a plate left of food. Sometimes, they'll say, "I'm stuffed; maybe later." No one bugs 'em anymore. But other relatives, who finally give in? They get badgered and badgered-and, by the way, they are all 30-50 pounds overweight now. Stick to your guns!
But, also, if you need to be reminded since it's been a week or so since the last post-er, let yourself off the hook! Don't give in to the shaming thoughts about yourself. Believe that you can make these changes without hating yourself. If you can love yourself only when you are eating "right" and looking slim, you haven't won a thing. That is still prison. And if you need help later getting ready for an overly-judgmental family, write us again. So you gained some weight! You're not a criminal!
But, also, if you need to be reminded since it's been a week or so since the last post-er, let yourself off the hook! Don't give in to the shaming thoughts about yourself. Believe that you can make these changes without hating yourself. If you can love yourself only when you are eating "right" and looking slim, you haven't won a thing. That is still prison. And if you need help later getting ready for an overly-judgmental family, write us again. So you gained some weight! You're not a criminal!
Count plates, not calories. 11 years "during"
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)
Age 69
BMI Jan/10-30.8
1/12-26.8 3/13-24.9 +/- 8-lb. 3 yrs
9/17 22.8 (flux) 3/18 22.2
2 yrs flux 6/20 22
1/21-23
There is no S better than Vanilla No S (mods now as a senior citizen)