Feel really sad: diet has gone to hell. Please help.

[Cassie]

Hi everyone

Its been ages (at least 3 months, probably more) since I've last been on these boards which used to help me loads last year.

Here's my sad story in a nutshell:

I started NoS last May. It suited my lifestyle & I loved it, made me sane. I also started exercising in July which I kept up until November. Just on NoS & exercising I didn't lose weight (but was maintaining). I got advice at that point from these boards & people wisely told me that it was probably my PCOS that meant I wasn't losing...

Around the end of July, and after being disciplined on NoS for more than 2 months, I decided to try a low-carb diet (plus NoS) to get the weightloss going. I think what I did was pretty close to Atkins. I surprised myself by finding that it suited me, I wasn't hungry & finally started losing. It felt- for the first time in my life- doable to be on a diet. I kept this up until end of November: I lost 7 and a half kilos (my pregnancy weight plus a bit more). All in all it was half the weight I wanted to lose, so I was at a really good place.

End of november 2 things happened. The end of my PHD was in sight (I finally submitted this week! yay...) so I had no choice but to quit the gym in order to work more. Also: we had no childcare anymore, our part-time nanny left unexpectedly so my partner & I had to look after our 18 months toddler PLUS I had to do my last 2 months of PhD work as best I could, plus look for new childcare.

Didn't help that then we went back home (to Greece) for a whole month: don't need to explain, desserts & homemade Christmas goodies everywhere.

To cut a long story short, end of November I quit the low-carb diet with the goal to temporarily go back to NoS. But then all hell broke lose & I'm now at the point that I think (I'm too scared to weigh myself!!) that i've put on all the weight I lost.

Now that I've submitted my PHD I find the courage again to deal with my sadness with what has happened. I can't believe that after all those months & months of hard work dieting & exercising, I now am back where I started. I feel very sad about it & discouraged.

I really need advice & guidance. I now have the time & inclination to work on the problem. My PhD is being 'looked at' by my supervisors at the moment, this will take a month during which I can take a break. We also have good childcare in place for 3 days a week. Meaning i have the time to really concentrate on this one month on my diet & see what plan is best to follow so that I can 1) not put any more weight & thus not do any further damage 2) think about the best strategy to start losing again.

Please help. You can imagine how discouraged I feel by this whole thing...
Cassie

[sophiasapientia]

Hi Cassie -- It sounds like you've had a lot going on! Take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up ... Today is a brand new day.

Since you know that you can at least maintain with No S, perhaps the first step could be to get back on track with the habit and keep your Green Days Green. Have you spoken with a doctor or specialist about diet recommendations? Have they advised you to eat Low Carb (my sister has PCOS and I know that she has been advised to eat that way, although she doesn't)? If so, perhaps you could go back to what you were doing in summer/early fall that was working for you ... Otherwise, maybe you could check in with your doctor and see what s/he recommends ...

You can do this!

Shannon -- who is currently losing the excess weight she put on after getting off track with No S

[Cassie]

Thanks Shannon.

Yes you're right about having a lot on my plate BUT as my partner & I were discussing today the biggest problem with diets etc is that there's always bound to be something 'on our plate' (nice analogy btw )...The question is, I know now, how to MAINTAIN when things go haywire in real life.

I think what happened with me is:
1) I went on a far too strict low-carb diet for 5 months. Yes, it worked, but almost everyone here on NoS had warned me in advance not to do it. I didn't listen to them at the time because I was sure I would be able to maintain since I had been doing so happily on NoS for 2 months.

2) What then happened is that after I quit the ultra-strict diet (I mean, I literally had only one 'S-day' on my son't birthday during 5 whole months!) then I went to the other extreme: I started gorging myself on carbs & sweets, it went very quickly to 1 DESSERT A DAY plus sometimes extra muffins or cookies. It became an all or nothing kind of thing.

3) In doing this, my hunger also very quickly increased, plus my sugar cravings were back with a vengeance to the point where now I can't go through a meal without something sweet . Plus I'm having far too many snacks (uncontrolled really). I can feel the weight piling on as we speak if you know what I mean.

I felt extremely proud of myself for maintaining a diet (NoS for 2 months/low carb 5 months) for 7 and a half months. Even with all those months of dieting, I was losing 1 kilo per month on average, meaning what I've learnt is I LOSE VERY SLOWLY that's how my body works, and PUT WEIGHT ON VERY QUICKLY: again how my body works.

I'll start by faithfully keeping the HabitCal again. That's a first step. But anyone with similar problem- yo-yo dieting & PCOS etc, and experience with low-carb diets, please any advice would be good. I'm wary of going on an ultra low-carb diet again, I think looking back I would have been better off keeping my green days green for more months on NoS & then maybe making some small changes gradually. But I think it was undertandable at that point I wanted to see results. Now, at this point, I would like to see some improvement, just to stop any more damage happening, so I'll stick to this forum which is the sanest I've found & I hope I'll get ideas/help/guidance.

As I said: first things first, I'll keep updating HabitCal everyday as a first step.

[Aquapixie]

Hi Cassie, *hugs* I've done the same thing. In November I was down to 177 and now I'm nearly 200. Try not to dwell on it, start afresh from this moment.

I too, am coming from a lowcarb background. It just doesn't work long term. I think lower carb is the way to go, and is what I will eventually work towards. Right now, I'm enjoying all the carbs I haven't let myself have.

Since this is my first week, I don't have any advice concerning this way of life, but just wanted to say hang in there.

[Cassie]

Hi Aquapixie. Good to hear from someone who has had experience of very low carb. Very good to hear (although sad too!) that you're in the same boat, makes me feel alone. I'm sure that unfortunately there are loads like us out there.

What was it, in your case, that didn't work with low carb? What brought you to NoS? What was it that made you put the weight back on? How long were you low-carbing for? (sorry for all the questions, am a curious person ).

Differently from you, I discovered NoS about a year ago & felt (and still do) its about leading a sane life around food, & would love to do it for the rest of my life. I did find though I was only maintaining, not losing, so be careful to not get too disappointed with the slow weight loss on NoS (like I did &, wrongly, I now see, turned to a very strict low carb diet).

[BrightAngel]

I sympathize with the weight-gain after weight-loss experience.
In my lifetime, I've been there countless times.

Re: eating low carb etc.
The No S rules aren't incompatable with eating any special type of foods.
A person could be strictly low-carb and follow No S principles.
This is also true with many other "diets" "food plans",
including high-fat food plans etc.
No S really has a few simple rules that can be implemented into almost any kind of Diet or Food Plan.

I see the food and weight-gain problems above as not really as a
Low-Carb issue.
.....Although, of course, it is true one always loses lots of water on low-carb
which is quickly regained as soon as one eats carbs,
and this is one of the main reasons why I've seldom chosen that option...
It is really an issue of choosing not to follow the No S Plan to build a 3 meal a day, 1 plate each meal, no snacking pattern.

Most weight gains are simply due to eating too much of any food,
no matter what the micronutrients.
Sugar is singled out in No S, as an "N" day no-no,
but this is more in an attempt to lessen Excess,
via a natural process of "desert reduction",
than to single it out as an objectional micronutrient.

The Habits that No S are trying to establish will work with
Low Carb/High Carb/Low fat/High Fat etc. etc.
The No S issue is not the TYPE of food (except for the sugar restriction),
the No S issue is Habitual eating times (3 times a day) and amounts (1 plate).

I brought up this issue, because I hope that a mental clarification might be helpful in your future efforts.

[kccc]

BA is right - you can "layer" No-S with any meal-plan.

I am generally wary of extreme low-carb diets, though I think leaning toward complex carbs is a very good strategy. However, I don't know enough about PCOS to make good recommendations for you on that.

However, from your posts, I think you *already* have a good handle on what actions you need to take, and have learned a lot from this experience. So, I just want to remind you that success consists of "falling down seven times and getting up eight." Which you are doing right now.

I'd also like to suggest that you be as gentle with yourself as you deal with your disappointment. You DID deal with a lot, and you ARE returning your attention back to your health now. So give yourself gold stars for that, and try to encourage yourself instead of beating yourself up (the emotional energy is much better spent that way, honest!).

And welcome back.

[oolala53]

Cassie, almost everybody here (except Reinhard) has been there, meaning lost and gained, though not necessarily on No S. I'm not sure you're ready to hear this, but I want to ask you to give up the idea of weight loss for awhile and just concentrate on an attitude of moderation toward food for the long run. I don't believe two months on No S was enough time to give it a chance and going straight from it to extreme low carb wasn't fair to it,or you, either. You need to be looking for a way to LIVE, that will get you through ALL the situations of life. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but I have a feeling that the holidays would not have been such a disruption if you had stuck with No S, and possibly slowly decreased your carbs, or varied their intake, or increased your resistance exercise, etc. There are so many ways to tweak it, and the body will fight small changes less. What's helped me is seeing success not only on No S, but in people I've known or read about who made some changes one year and lost, then a few more the next year, and lost, etc. One of them is pretty slim now, others are definitely slimmer, and their eating is more of a habit now, so they are not constantly fighting urges.

[sparkle]

Cassie--I can relate to how defeated you are feeling about this. I gained 18 lbs due to pregnancy and then another 6 or so in the 8 mos following that. I am at the highest weight of my life and it feels like walking around in someone else's body. I am also very busy with work and caring for an infant so it's harder than it used to be to look after myself.

The last few days I've been trying to talk myself through this the way I would for a friend in the same circumstances. I simply have to pick myself up and dust myself off the way I have done in every other difficult time in my life. There are things much more profound than weight gain that I've weathered and come back stronger from. I will this too. And so will you. You are addressing the thing that has gone wrong and starting to re-build.

Doing no-S may not instantly take away the thing that is distressing you (the weight), but it will put a stop to that frantic, free-fall eating. It will give you a sense of order and structure to work from calmly. You're definitely in the right place.

Best of luck!

[Cassie]

Thanks everyone. All that you've written is v.helpful. I think the best thing to do for the moment is just to concentrate on doing simple NoS for a couple of months. Just that. And to keep updating HabitCal (which used to help).

I think by doing that I'll move towards some structure to my eating again. Also it'll cut the sugary snacks problem. So that'll already be a huge thing to focus on.

Finally: yesterday I took a big breath & weighed myself. Until November I had managed to lose 7 & a half kilos. I have put 3 & a half kilos back on. Actually: not that bad (I had expected much worse & dreaded the scales & was avoiding them)...

[Too solid flesh]

Congratulations on submitting your thesis, Cassie. That's a great milestone. And completing your PhD while you have a small child, and childcare problems, is really impressive.

You are likely to be able to find a way to make NoS work for you.

My own experience is that extreme diets are best avoided. It is easy to regain more weight than you have lost after each crash diet, and I am confident that I would never have got so fat if I hadn't yoyo dieted for years. It is worth keeping your eating moderate.

Good luck, and keep posting.

[Cassie]

Too solid flesh: Thanks for your kind words

Why is it that you think crash diets don't work & lead to regaining the weight? Will actually post a separate thread on this...seems an intereting (if obvious to everyone but me!) topic.

[wosnes]

Cassie, I think you've just been through a period of time known as life.. I don't understand why we think the path to weight loss should be a straight progression from point A to point B. Nothing else in life is; why should this be any different?

Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families says that when we board a plane to go somewhere, the plane is off-course 90% of the time. The pilot and co-pilot continuously bring it back on course. Passengers don't know and don't care that the plane has been off course most of the time as long as they arrive at their destination.

The shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. Unfortunately we don't live on those straight lines.

[Cassie]

Wosnes thanks for that. Its true, things don't move in a linear way, there are backs & forth.

However- the problem with life is that it's just that...life! It is always there, problems will always exist etc. Meaning that I now believe I need to find a way of eating (NoS is what I've chosen & makes much more sense to me than anything else I've come across) that works even during hard times. Its not worth making all that effort if I'm only going to sabotage it just because difficult things are happening.

I say all this now. Lets see if it actually works! I'm pretty scared after more than 3 months of being completely out of control around eating. Yes sure they were stressful months (which was why I kept putting the whole thing off & saying 'I'll go to the NoS boards again once I'm done with my PhD') But isn't that sabotaging oneself? Should I not have visited the boards & asked for help at the very first few days that the damage was being done? At that point I could have prevented what happened, with some help. I realize (and am disappointed in myself, but that's life) that I'm still stuck on a 'food as reward' mentality, a way of thinking that says 'eat freely i.e. in a binge-like way when other things are hard'.

How much easier the last 3 months, with all their problems, would have been if I didn't have to also deal with the sadness & disappointment of watching myself putting on that hard-lost weight.

[oolala53]

I'm sending you a private message so that I don't write The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich here, but I will say briefly that it's probably better just to accept that habits are often changed gradually and that the pendulum swing is an apt metaphor. You are not a criminal. Just focus on getting the pendulum swing of the amount of food you eat down to the range of a grandfather clock (over the period of a week at a time), and you will have reasonable, human fluctuation. So many dieters want to rush to get to a certain weight as if they think they will stay there forever. Even following Vanilla No S, there is going to be variation in your intake, output, and consequent weight, but it will eventually be very small. Is that so bad? I think you will find it pleasurable and sane.

[wosnes]

I suspect that the reason the eating habits went to hell is that they just weren't ingrained enough. Think about it. If there are specific eating habits associated with your religion, for example, you don't think about it, you just do it because you've been doing it all your life.

When things get stressful, we revert back to what's comfortable. When No-S gets comfortable, you'll rarely have to think about it, you'll just do it, (pretty much) no matter what. When you get off track, you'll just get back on track because that's what is the norm, the regular routine.

I've often wondered why so few people in those cultures that seem to be naturally slim and healthy seem to have these issues. I think it might be because in many of those cultures excess is frowned upon; it's socially unacceptable.

[Aquapixie]

Hi Aquapixie. Good to hear from someone who has had experience of very low carb. Very good to hear (although sad too!) that you're in the same boat, makes me feel alone. I'm sure that unfortunately there are loads like us out there.

I know what you mean.

What was it, in your case, that didn't work with low carb? What brought you to NoS? What was it that made you put the weight back on? How long were you low-carbing for? (sorry for all the questions, am a curious person ).

Low carb worked extremely well, I just couldn't maintain it. While I was on it, I lost lots of weight and wasn't physically hungry. Mentally, though, I was starving. I wanted cake, chips, and rolls. I tend to be a binge eater, so once I took even one bite of the forbidden food, it sent me on a downwards spiral, I couldn't stop eating junk. Even stuff I didn't even like, I had to have. Before long, I'd gained all I'd lost back and more.
Then I'd go back on lowcarb, do well until I broke down and at a piece of candy or french fry.

I think No S is going to work because nothing is forbidden. I know that lower carb foods are more healthy for me, mostly because they tend to be less processed. One thing that low carb did for me, was get me over the fear that low fat was the best diet. I'm not afraid to eat butter or red meat. I think they're both healthy.

Sorry so long and babbly.

[connorcream]

Howdy,
I calorie count with the principles of NoS layered over it. I have found this to be very effective, especially turning times of extreme stress.

If my food plan can't handle stress, then it really isn't a plan but a wish.

All the best for whatever you choose to do.[/i]