I did great with No-S for 3 weeks...then I let my guard down...
I've really pigged out this past week...and I feel like I've gained a few pounds.
I just can't seem to get over this food problem I have...
I am so disgusted with myself...
I've eaten so much today that I don't even feel like taking an s-day tomorrow...
I'm just a'ramblin....
I pretty much hate myself right now...
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
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becky123abc
- Posts: 23
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- Location: USA the south
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clarinetgal
- Posts: 1709
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- Location: Western Washington State
Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. As people on here have said, just mark it and move on. Tomorrow is a new day, so maybe you should make it an extra healthy day.-
Too solid flesh
- Posts: 639
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:22 pm
- Location: England
I am sorry that you're feeling so low.
From the No S homepage:
From the No S homepage:
YouWhat if I screw up?
Say "I screwed up" and try not to do it again. Don't try to compensate for your screw up by extra deprivations -- self-revenge will only make you resentful and that much more likely to quit altogether. This diet isn't about perfection, it's about staying healthy. It's about what you do most of the time, not about achieving some kind of world's record.
so you have found that you can do it. We all have failures. In The No S diet book, in the section on Recovering from Failure, Reinhard quotes Winston Churchill:did great with No-S for 3 weeks
Good luck.Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Be kind, for everybody you meet is fighting a hard battle.
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NoelFigart
- Posts: 1639
- Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2006 1:23 pm
- Location: Lebanon, NH
- Contact:
Re: I pretty much hate myself right now...
A) Hating yourself is pointless. Not only does it not solve the problem, it makes solving the problem almost impossible. Don't bother.
B) Maybe you could reframe how you're talking to yourself. There's all this emotion and helplessness behind this. Let go of that.
When you catch yourself down on yourself about your choices (and yes, you did make the choice how you ate this week), just say, "The past is done. I can't change that. Those choices certainly weren't the ones that will serve me, so in the future, I will try to do differently."
Habit is very strong. Right now, you have the habit of overeating. It doesn't make you evil, weak or worthless. It's just a habit and we know habits are tough. Don't put invest your sense of self-worth in this.
But, fortunately, habits are tough. You're trying to replace one habit with another and it's going to take some time. Think of it as practicing. You know how when you learn a musical instrument, or a language or knitting or any new skill you can think of, you have to practice and you often screw up during practice times. No-one can play Strum und Drang before they can play Chopsticks, and even Chopsticks takes a little practice. So, on every N day, just say, "I'm practicing not eating between meals and eschewing sweets." Takes a lot of the self-recrimination out of it, doesn't it?
I am increasingly of the opinion that self-hatred is really a form of procrastination. At least, with me, I tend to be down on my self worst when what I'm really trying to do is wiggle out of something. For myself (and I realize that other people have other points of view), if I'm feeling down on myself, I try to find out if I'm being honest with myself. Maybe in real life I don't want to do whatever it is, and maybe it'd be better to admit that and run with it.
B) Maybe you could reframe how you're talking to yourself. There's all this emotion and helplessness behind this. Let go of that.
When you catch yourself down on yourself about your choices (and yes, you did make the choice how you ate this week), just say, "The past is done. I can't change that. Those choices certainly weren't the ones that will serve me, so in the future, I will try to do differently."
Habit is very strong. Right now, you have the habit of overeating. It doesn't make you evil, weak or worthless. It's just a habit and we know habits are tough. Don't put invest your sense of self-worth in this.
But, fortunately, habits are tough. You're trying to replace one habit with another and it's going to take some time. Think of it as practicing. You know how when you learn a musical instrument, or a language or knitting or any new skill you can think of, you have to practice and you often screw up during practice times. No-one can play Strum und Drang before they can play Chopsticks, and even Chopsticks takes a little practice. So, on every N day, just say, "I'm practicing not eating between meals and eschewing sweets." Takes a lot of the self-recrimination out of it, doesn't it?
I am increasingly of the opinion that self-hatred is really a form of procrastination. At least, with me, I tend to be down on my self worst when what I'm really trying to do is wiggle out of something. For myself (and I realize that other people have other points of view), if I'm feeling down on myself, I try to find out if I'm being honest with myself. Maybe in real life I don't want to do whatever it is, and maybe it'd be better to admit that and run with it.
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My blog https://noelfigart.com/wordpress/ I talk about being a freelance writer, working out and cooking mostly. The language is not always drawing room fashion. Just sayin'.
My blog https://noelfigart.com/wordpress/ I talk about being a freelance writer, working out and cooking mostly. The language is not always drawing room fashion. Just sayin'.
Becky, your post made me so sad for you, but I think each of the responses above mine have some really important points.
As clarinetgal said, mark it and move on. How do you think that got to be a catch phrase around here? It's because almost everyone fails sometimes.
I completely agree with Too solid flesh, who pointed out that you shouldn't try to compensate for failure by denying yourself an S day. You don't need to be punished because you failed.
And finally, I think NoelFigart very perceptively picked up on the helplessness in your post. You're not helpless! As you've said, you did No S successfully for three weeks, and you can do it again.
Good luck. Everyone is pulling for you.
As clarinetgal said, mark it and move on. How do you think that got to be a catch phrase around here? It's because almost everyone fails sometimes.
I completely agree with Too solid flesh, who pointed out that you shouldn't try to compensate for failure by denying yourself an S day. You don't need to be punished because you failed.
And finally, I think NoelFigart very perceptively picked up on the helplessness in your post. You're not helpless! As you've said, you did No S successfully for three weeks, and you can do it again.
Good luck. Everyone is pulling for you.
Becky,
The smartest minds in the country haven't figured this out. I'm getting a book from the library that I believe has the most honest assessment of what it means to diet and fail again and again. I'll post a quote from the book next week on my thread. Just go back to No S and realize this is a tough, tough, tough problem.
Kathleen
The smartest minds in the country haven't figured this out. I'm getting a book from the library that I believe has the most honest assessment of what it means to diet and fail again and again. I'll post a quote from the book next week on my thread. Just go back to No S and realize this is a tough, tough, tough problem.
Kathleen
Becky, I believe that everyone who posts anything on this noS site has been where you are! We all "revisit" that place every-so-often too! I think that all the dieting ads we see in the media leads us to believe that all you have to do is simply decide you are going to try a specific plan and voila! .. you never need to think about food again and the pounds just fall off..daily!
Nope..ain't gonna happen!! ..on any plan!
No S requires us to think..take responsibility for our actions, and make a habit of those actions which lead to a healthy eating style for life,not for a short time of weight loss and then back to unhealthy eating.
No one here is perfect.. read Reinhard's entries..He has bad days and this is his plan!
We are soooo used to beating ourselves up over food. Stop that! It serves no purpose other than to make YOU feel like a failure..and you aren't! Look at how many successes you have! As the song goes, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!"
Nope..ain't gonna happen!! ..on any plan!
No S requires us to think..take responsibility for our actions, and make a habit of those actions which lead to a healthy eating style for life,not for a short time of weight loss and then back to unhealthy eating.
No one here is perfect.. read Reinhard's entries..He has bad days and this is his plan!
We are soooo used to beating ourselves up over food. Stop that! It serves no purpose other than to make YOU feel like a failure..and you aren't! Look at how many successes you have! As the song goes, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!"
"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think another negative thought."
Peace Pilgrim
Peace Pilgrim
Welcome to the club. 
After many years here, I honestly believe the people who acknowledge a failure and come back are the ones who eventually show the greatest success.
Everyone has given you good advice. If you read Noel's twice, it will save me a lot of typing.
Be gentle with yourself. You are building a new habit, and that takes practice. By definiton, you are not perfect when you begin!
If you helping a kid learn to ride a bike, and s/he fell off, what would you say to that child? That's it's a normal part of learning, that yes, they CAN do it, that they might fall again, but that's part of learning and if they keep trying, they'll get better and better, that one fall doesn't mean they'll never ride a bike... that sort of thing, right?
Please talk to yourself with the same kind of gentle encouragement. And listen when those of us who've been around a while tell you that this is NORMAL. The biggest problem is not the failure, it's the beating yourself up, which prevents you from getting back on the bike.
So dust the crumbs off, and climb back on!
PS - the podcast on "Strictness" remains my favorite, because it has an eloquent section on recrimination. Might give that a listen too.
After many years here, I honestly believe the people who acknowledge a failure and come back are the ones who eventually show the greatest success.Everyone has given you good advice. If you read Noel's twice, it will save me a lot of typing.
Be gentle with yourself. You are building a new habit, and that takes practice. By definiton, you are not perfect when you begin!
If you helping a kid learn to ride a bike, and s/he fell off, what would you say to that child? That's it's a normal part of learning, that yes, they CAN do it, that they might fall again, but that's part of learning and if they keep trying, they'll get better and better, that one fall doesn't mean they'll never ride a bike... that sort of thing, right?
Please talk to yourself with the same kind of gentle encouragement. And listen when those of us who've been around a while tell you that this is NORMAL. The biggest problem is not the failure, it's the beating yourself up, which prevents you from getting back on the bike.
So dust the crumbs off, and climb back on!
PS - the podcast on "Strictness" remains my favorite, because it has an eloquent section on recrimination. Might give that a listen too.
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clarinetgal
- Posts: 1709
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:16 am
- Location: Western Washington State
I've slipped up the past few days. I don't need to lose weight, but I've been overeating the past few days, and I know it needs to stop now. I'm going to take the advice I mentioned earlier and just mark it and move on, and make tomorrow a fresh start for me. I'm also going to take the other posters' advice on here and be gentle with myself and not beat myself up over it.
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becky123abc
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2010 3:15 am
- Location: USA the south
clarinetgal, Too solid flesh, NoelFigart, Starla, Kathleen, Grammy G and KCCC, I really appreciate all of these responses...I've read each one over and over...and will refer back...
I'm starting over this week. During the 1st 3 weeks...I was so confident I would go ahead and mark my day green on my habitcal...but something happened ...I guess I was stressed...a woman from church gave us these big yummy homemade muffins...and come Monday I ate it...and just blew the whole week.
It really bothers me that I have so little control...I've just got to buckle down...
Thank you all for being so supportive!!
Much Love,
Becky
I'm starting over this week. During the 1st 3 weeks...I was so confident I would go ahead and mark my day green on my habitcal...but something happened ...I guess I was stressed...a woman from church gave us these big yummy homemade muffins...and come Monday I ate it...and just blew the whole week.
It really bothers me that I have so little control...I've just got to buckle down...
Thank you all for being so supportive!!
Much Love,
Becky
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becky123abc
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2010 3:15 am
- Location: USA the south
One of the most useful ideas for me is "fail fast - and get over it faster." You didn't blow the whole week. Maybe you blew a day. With practice, you'll only blow that one item... which in itself, does very little damage. It's the resulting tailspin that causes weight gain.becky123abc wrote:a woman from church gave us these big yummy homemade muffins...and come Monday I ate it...and just blew the whole week.
Again, be gentle with yourself. You just have strong habits now, which means when you re-train yourself, they will serve you well.becky123abc wrote: It really bothers me that I have so little control...I've just got to buckle down...
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becky123abc
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2010 3:15 am
- Location: USA the south
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NoelFigart
- Posts: 1639
- Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2006 1:23 pm
- Location: Lebanon, NH
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KCCC is quite right about the fail fast and get over it faster.
I failed yesterday. I has made some focaccia and was packing everyone's lunch for tomorrow and had a nibble. We're talking a piece the size of your thumb.
I could have approached it in three ways. I could have said, "Oh well, down the hatch!" and then gone on to snack all evening. I could have said, "Oh this is so small it shouldn't count, and besides it would have fit on my dinner plate." Which was TRUE, but I wasn't specifically choosing in advance to virtual plate something.
Or I could have done what I did. Marked it as a failure and laughed that I failed and go on to have the rest of my day.
For the record, choosing option three is a relatively recent thing for me. I'm fat at least in part because option one was the one I chose most, and option two is a slippery slope to some justification that didn't wind up working out for me. I'm "Comically Strict" as Reinhard would say. It's a bit hypervigilent to mark a failure for a bite outside of mealtimes, but I can laugh at it now, so it's not emotionally distressing or making me feel badly about myself, so it works.
Give yourself some time to get there. You'll find failures really will get smaller and smaller to the point of insignificance.
I failed yesterday. I has made some focaccia and was packing everyone's lunch for tomorrow and had a nibble. We're talking a piece the size of your thumb.
I could have approached it in three ways. I could have said, "Oh well, down the hatch!" and then gone on to snack all evening. I could have said, "Oh this is so small it shouldn't count, and besides it would have fit on my dinner plate." Which was TRUE, but I wasn't specifically choosing in advance to virtual plate something.
Or I could have done what I did. Marked it as a failure and laughed that I failed and go on to have the rest of my day.
For the record, choosing option three is a relatively recent thing for me. I'm fat at least in part because option one was the one I chose most, and option two is a slippery slope to some justification that didn't wind up working out for me. I'm "Comically Strict" as Reinhard would say. It's a bit hypervigilent to mark a failure for a bite outside of mealtimes, but I can laugh at it now, so it's not emotionally distressing or making me feel badly about myself, so it works.
Give yourself some time to get there. You'll find failures really will get smaller and smaller to the point of insignificance.
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My blog https://noelfigart.com/wordpress/ I talk about being a freelance writer, working out and cooking mostly. The language is not always drawing room fashion. Just sayin'.
My blog https://noelfigart.com/wordpress/ I talk about being a freelance writer, working out and cooking mostly. The language is not always drawing room fashion. Just sayin'.
becky123abc,
Here is the most honest description of the psychological damage wrought by dieting that I have ever read. It is from the chapter entitled "Dieting: A Waist Is a Terrible Thing to Mind" from the book What You Can Change...and What You Can't* by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D.: "This is the most consistent failure in my life. It's also a failure I can't just put out of mind, like the failure to get rid of my slice at golf. There are too many reminders, every time I look in the mirror and every time I look at a tempting dish... I have spent the last few years reading the scientific literature, not the parade of best-selling diet books or the flood of women's magazine articles on the latest way to slim down. The scientific evidence looks clear to me, but there is not yet a consensus... Here's what the picture looks like to me:
- Dieting doesn't work.
- Dieting may make overweight worse, not better.
- Dieting may be bad for health.
- Dieting may cause eating disorders -- bulimia and anorexia....
When I am defeated by that piece of carrot cake, I feel like a failure: I should be able to control myself, and there is something morally wrong with me if I give in. Fatness is seen as shameful because we hold people responsible for their weight. Being overweight equates with being a weak-willed slob. We believe this primarily because we have seen plenty of people decide to lose weight and do so in a matter of weeks.
But almost everyone returns to the old weight after shedding pounds. Your body has a natural weight that it defends vigorously against dieting. The more diets tried, the harder the body works to defeat the next diet. Weight is in large part genetic. All this gives the lie to the "weak-willed" interpretation of overweight. More accurately, dieting puts the conscious will of the individual against a deeper, more vigilant opponent: the species' biological defense against starvation. The conscious will can occasionally win battles -- no carrot cake tonight, this month without carbohydrates -- but it almost always loses the war...
A concept that makes sense of your body's vigorous defense against weight loss is natural weight. When your body screams "I'm hungry," slows its metabolism, makes you lethargic, stores fat, craves sweets and renders them more delicious than ever, and makes you obsessed with food, what it is defending is your natural weight. It is signaling that you have dropped into a range it will not accept."
Just think about this for a minute. This is a guy who is known for his work on happiness psychology. He gave up on dieting. He is a very smart man.
The real kicker is Kelly Brownell, head of the Yale University Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, author of the book Food Fight, author of the LEAN Program which is well regarded for dieting, and one of the leading supporters of the one cent per ounce tax on soda. Guess what? He's obese. Imagine being in his shoes... He spent his life studying managing weight, and he can't control his own.
You are not alone. Go easy on yourself.
Kathleen
Here is the most honest description of the psychological damage wrought by dieting that I have ever read. It is from the chapter entitled "Dieting: A Waist Is a Terrible Thing to Mind" from the book What You Can Change...and What You Can't* by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D.: "This is the most consistent failure in my life. It's also a failure I can't just put out of mind, like the failure to get rid of my slice at golf. There are too many reminders, every time I look in the mirror and every time I look at a tempting dish... I have spent the last few years reading the scientific literature, not the parade of best-selling diet books or the flood of women's magazine articles on the latest way to slim down. The scientific evidence looks clear to me, but there is not yet a consensus... Here's what the picture looks like to me:
- Dieting doesn't work.
- Dieting may make overweight worse, not better.
- Dieting may be bad for health.
- Dieting may cause eating disorders -- bulimia and anorexia....
When I am defeated by that piece of carrot cake, I feel like a failure: I should be able to control myself, and there is something morally wrong with me if I give in. Fatness is seen as shameful because we hold people responsible for their weight. Being overweight equates with being a weak-willed slob. We believe this primarily because we have seen plenty of people decide to lose weight and do so in a matter of weeks.
But almost everyone returns to the old weight after shedding pounds. Your body has a natural weight that it defends vigorously against dieting. The more diets tried, the harder the body works to defeat the next diet. Weight is in large part genetic. All this gives the lie to the "weak-willed" interpretation of overweight. More accurately, dieting puts the conscious will of the individual against a deeper, more vigilant opponent: the species' biological defense against starvation. The conscious will can occasionally win battles -- no carrot cake tonight, this month without carbohydrates -- but it almost always loses the war...
A concept that makes sense of your body's vigorous defense against weight loss is natural weight. When your body screams "I'm hungry," slows its metabolism, makes you lethargic, stores fat, craves sweets and renders them more delicious than ever, and makes you obsessed with food, what it is defending is your natural weight. It is signaling that you have dropped into a range it will not accept."
Just think about this for a minute. This is a guy who is known for his work on happiness psychology. He gave up on dieting. He is a very smart man.
The real kicker is Kelly Brownell, head of the Yale University Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, author of the book Food Fight, author of the LEAN Program which is well regarded for dieting, and one of the leading supporters of the one cent per ounce tax on soda. Guess what? He's obese. Imagine being in his shoes... He spent his life studying managing weight, and he can't control his own.
You are not alone. Go easy on yourself.
Kathleen