Help! Restaurants, a love-hate relationship

[ShannahR]

Hi everyone,
It was recently driven home to me that restaurants are a huge downfall for me. I admit I am powerless over the bread basket. I believe No S can help me if I only let it, but I don't know how. My "old" restaurant overeating prevention strategy--eating something before hand so I'm not starving is no longer avaliable to me if I want to maintain my No S habbits. I am starting to develop a restaurant phobia--basically I associate restaurants with getting red days on my habitcal--which is just as bad in my mind as having "forbidden foods" and diet mentality.

I'm hoping--no begging for some help. I know I need to figure this out but I'm not even sure where to start.

HELP!

[NoelFigart]

No, you're not powerless. Saying you are is going to make it worse.

I'm not saying this to try to make you feel down on yourself because you've developed a VERY STRONG habit of eating bread (one I've shared for a long, long, time, by the way. I love bread. Bread is delicious!).

I used to consider bread a forbidden and evil food that would cause me to snack and overeat worse than anything. I had an epiphany making lunch for my family one day, and realize that I could have delicious home-made bread as part of a meal if I wanted to. It wasn't the FOOD that was the problem. It was how I was framing it in my mind.

Take that delicious piece of bread. Now leave it on your bread plate. (Yes, it requires patience. I get that). When your restaurant meal comes, put the bread on your dinner plate, taking away any food that makes it not fit that you don't want as much as that piece of bread. Give it away, put it in a doggie bag, whatever you want.

One of the things I also do when waiting for a meal, is make sure I have ordered something I like to drink, so that I'm enjoying SOMETHING as I'm waiting. For me it's usually coffee when I go out. I'm a coffee freak and find coffee quite satisfying.

You're not helpless. You've just got a habit. That's okay. It'll take some practice to change it, but you can. Just remember that practice involves screwing up (If you do not believe that practice involves screwing up, you have never listened to someone learn to play a musical instrument) and relax.

[sheepish]

What exactly is the issue? Is it just bread? Or are you also tempted by extra courses?

If it's the bread thing mainly, how about not going to restaurants that serve bread automaticaly for a while? Some restaurants just don't and there are particular cuisines that are unlikely to - e.g. Indian or Lebanese.

If it's about extra courses, I wonder if you might be better off going to the sort of restaurant that does mezze style food - Indian, Lebanese, Spanish - because you could take a plateful of different things and therefore satisfy your desire for variety that way?

[oolala53]

I agree with NoelFigart. There is no food that you will always be powerless over. You just haven't experienced exerting yourself over it enough times yet.

N.'s suggestion is very good and doable. I say so because I've done it with bread and, miracle of miracles for most Mexican-food-eaters, chips and salsa before the meal. What makes it possible, you say? Many experiences of just how scrumptious food is when you wait for your "real" meal before you eat. In those situations now, I consciously think of how wonderful my meal is going to taste if I have not RUINED MY APPETITE before the meal comes. I remind myself of how I have ruined it so many times before and been sorry. Even the bread will taste better, if I wait. And, in my case, my plate of Mexican food is usually so superior to those silly chips & salsa once it comes that I rarely eat any of them even when I could scoop some onto my plate.

I like the nice drink idea, too.

Or, maybe, and I know this is a big maybe, you could ask your companions if it would be okay to ask the waiter to bring the bread basket with the meal. You'd be surprised these days how many people are also willing to curb the temptations.

Or, put a few slices of bread on the bread plate and order one appetizer, but no main meal. You can wait until the appetizer comes, right?

There are ways around this. Slim people eat in restaurants all the time and don't necessarily overeat.

Be adamant about taking care of your 5 N-days most weeks of the month and this problem will abate.

I hope you get the spirit of merriment I say this last one in (and because I started using it with success on myself): start saying you can be "bigger" than the bread. Just like you don't pee your pants just because you really have to go sometimes...

If I can wait to pee, I can wait to eat.

[AmieW]

I am having the same problem Shannah, but with chips and salsa instead of bread. I love it, it's my favorite snack, and living in Texas, it's at almost every restaurant. I have the hardest time saying no or just eating an amount that would fit on my plate. I am considering restricting meals at such restaurants to S days only, though I would rather not do that.

Hope you figure something out. I like the idea of waiting until the food comes and putting aside other food you don't want as much. I may have to try that before I banish tex-mex to S days. Thanks, NoelFigart!

[Starla]

You are not powerless, Shannah! Have you ever read a post from Grammy G? Her signature is: "If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think another negative thought." Telling yourself that you're powerless over bread means you've lost a battle you don't even need to fight!

I'm another bread lover, and NoelFigart has described exactly what I do when I'm eating out on N days. And what I've found is that I very rarely eat that bread! Most restaurant bread baskets don't have the best bread; I'm usually not willing to give up part of my meal to eat it. I eat lots of bread - bagels in the morning, hunks of sesame semolina with my soup, foccacia sandwiches and grilled sourdough. It's delicious and satisfying and absolutely allowed on N days.

And this summer, when the farmer's market opens, I'll be eating Stella's spicy cheese bread with abandon (and thanking God that the farmer's market is on an S day.)

So my attitude is this - take your bread! If it's good bread, eat it with your meal and enjoy every lucious, buttery bite of it.

[connorcream]

Shannah-
There are a couple of ways to go and you are free to choose any one of them, a combination of some, or none of them.

When my family (including my mom, brother, sister, spouses and kids) went to Black Eyed Pea we asked the servers not to bring out the bread basket. At the end of the meal, we choose to do so. None of us need to grazing or temptation. There is no shame in removing temptations. I think a key component of me losing weight is not having high calorie food around in the first place. So I usually can't afford both a roll, butter, with my entree eating out. Calorie counts for most meals out are unbelievably high.

I make artisan rolls to go with soup. I use the finest flower, variety of nuts, etc... I make this part of my meal. I know the calorie count and budget accordingly. Good nutritious bread helped me to gain my 12# over the course of 18 months. For me the rest of the meal must be modest in calories to have a slice.

This goes for the delicious handmade, melt in my mouth tortillas (both flour and corn) that my fair city is known for. I know what I can afford to eat both in chips and tortillas. At times in can splurge and have one, and at other times I can't. I often bring the tortillas home for another meal. And I have found 10 chips for 90 calories worthwhile.

I wouldn't ignore this issue. Part of the weight loss journey is learning our triggers and how to manage them. When we are at maintanence, these same challenges will still be there. And I for one, will never relose this weight.

[finallyfull]

I think the reason the bread basket and the chip basket SEEM so delicious and tempting is because a person is hungry before a meal. But why do we think it's a good idea to eat... before we eat? I think the suggestion to keep the basket away until the meal comes and include it on your plate is the best one. I think it will suddenly put the supposed deliciousness of the bread or chips into true perspective. Sure, it's very yummy. But when you have your whole meal on the plate, is it really yummier than whatever you ordered? If they brought sliced carrotts before a meal, that would suddenly seem more delicious too.

I've often wondered what appetizers are supposed to be anyway. As if eating will help your appetite? Like we need any help?

I also think limiting restaurant eating to a reasonable degree (once a week or so) is not at all unreasonable. They always pack more calories into a meal than you can at home. Even fast food. The smallest, most unsatisfying meal at McDonalds is more calories than a good satisfying home made meal. It saves money too, which for many of us is even more important.

[marygrace]

I think the reason the bread basket and the chip basket SEEM so delicious and tempting is because a person is hungry before a meal. But why do we think it's a good idea to eat... before we eat? I think the suggestion to keep the basket away until the meal comes and include it on your plate is the best one. I think it will suddenly put the supposed deliciousness of the bread or chips into true perspective. Sure, it's very yummy. But when you have your whole meal on the plate, is it really yummier than whatever you ordered? If they brought sliced carrotts before a meal, that would suddenly seem more delicious too.

I've often wondered what appetizers are supposed to be anyway. As if eating will help your appetite? Like we need any help?

I also think limiting restaurant eating to a reasonable degree (once a week or so) is not at all unreasonable. They always pack more calories into a meal than you can at home. Even fast food. The smallest, most unsatisfying meal at McDonalds is more calories than a good satisfying home made meal. It saves money too, which for many of us is even more important.

Interesting point about the sliced carrots. Even if I was really hungry, I'd have a much easier time resisting those than chips and salsa or bread--and I think most other people would feel the same. When I was younger, I'd often go to a certain diner with my dad on Saturday nights. I remember they'd always set out fresh bread and garlic bread plus raw carrots, celery, and radishes before the meal. My table certainly wasn't the only one that devoured the bread but left the crudite untouched (or nearly so). When prepared well, vegetables are delicious, but I don't think plain, raw vegetables have a chance against the carbs most everyone craves like bread or chips when you're waiting for a meal.

Also, I agree that limiting restaurant meals in general to one or a few times per week is probably a good thing. Even if I follow the one-plate rule at a restaurant, I find I eat more than I would at home, because the plates are just so much bigger. This isn't always the case, but it definitely happens more than I like. Also, eating out is more expensive--so just from a budgetary standpoint it makes sense to eat the vast majority of your meals at home. And finally--I really do like to dive into the bread or chip basket. If I go out to eat during the week, I usually just avoid it all-together (hard, yes--but still doable). If it's the weekend, I have whatever I want.