coming out as a failure

[suz]

Its been a long time since I have posted or really even visited this board. I have just felt so dejected. Getting right to the point: in ten weeks of what I thought was successful No S living I have gained 10 pounds (at least).

The long version:

I started during Lent and gave myself 6 weeks of developing the habit and eating the No S way. I did not weigh myself until the 6 weeks were up. I thought I was doing a good job....marking the calendar every day. I eliminated snacks, sweets and seconds. I enjoyed the S days but did not go hog wild. I allowed myself a great dessert each S day. I was really rather proud of being able to sustain the changes and not giving in to snacking or sweet temptations. At the end of the 6 weeks, I got on the scale and found that I gained 6 pounds. I weighed myself 3 days in a row just to be sure. I was crushed.

But I didn't give up at this point. I gave myself four additional weeks. I carried on and tried to hold my head high. I weighed at the end of the 4 week period and found that I gained 4 more pounds. I was crushed.

So, the past few weeks, I have just tossed everything to the wind and have eaten with reckless abandon and haven't bothered to look at a scale.

I am smart enough (theoretically) to know the factors that led to my failure. I didn't watch what I put on my plate. Especially at dinner time. The truth is we have eaten out the majority of the time. We do eat out a lot normally, but my mother was hospitalized 45 minutes away from my house and then went to rehab which was nearly a half hour from my house. So, I ate hospital cafeteria and restaurant food usually once a day. And I ate whatever it was that sounded good to me no holds barred. Often dinner would include soup, salad or appetizer. I have been living with a LOT of stress in my life these past few months and I think that I have still been using food to cope....trying to do that while still trying to follow the plan. And the truth is, my dinners normally weren't part of the plan.

In light of this, I guess I could understand not losing weight. But gaining a pound a week?!?? I am a BIG girl (in the morbidly obese class) and prior to starting No S I snacked constantly between meals, meals that were whatever I wanted, eating out several nights a week and I had desserts nightly. Surely following the No S in my imperfect way was still better than this, right? If my weight had stayed the same, I would have felt justified. But gaining 10 pounds??

So, here I am laying this all out for everyone to read. Just coming out and admitting my failure. Hoping for some advice or motivation to get back on track. My life is still filled with stress .... but that is life, right? I can't wait until the stress diminishes to do something for myself. One more piece of info about myself: Ten years ago I was on a doctor supervised liquid diet and lost 180 pounds. Slowly, but surely I have been gaining the weight back. I am probably about 25 pounds away from my starting weight and that depresses me, too. I have got to do something....

[Too solid flesh]

That does sound disheartening, suz. You have had such a lot to deal with. Maybe you would have gained more weight if you had not put NoS habits in place?

The good news is that you did well at getting the habits down. If you are getting a No S framework in place, you can look at what the problems are and adjust your eating accordingly.

Have you read the No S Diet book? I have sometimes read it on a loop, starting at the beginning again after finishing reading it, when I really wanted to reinforce the habits. Another useful book is Mindless eating by Brian Wansink, which includes advice about how to eat moderately when you are eating out.

I do hope that things look up for you and for your mother.

Please keep posting!

[kccc]

I am sorry that you've had such a difficult time - both with your mom and with the weight issues.

First... you were wise to try to keep on despite the initial weight gain. It is not uncommon to have a weight gain at first, if you've been adhering to a strict diet beforehand - people often "rebound" on previously forbidden food.

Second, during times of great stress in my life, I often gain a bit - even on No-S. (Read my testamonial update for the latest.) However, I recognize that I gain LESS than I would without No-S. So, my first question is "were you holding steady at the same weight before, under similar circumstances?" If the answer is "no," you may have actually improved and not recognized that you had.

If you are cutting snacking and sweets - and were eating them before - it's hard to see what could be making a difference. But you ARE in unusual circumstances, and there could be a lot of things. Less exercise, etc. So, take a hard look at "what's different" and "what you can do."

One clue in your writing "...what I thought was successful No S living" and then below "Often dinner would include soup, salad or appetizer." Did you follow the "one plate" rule? Are there other places where you may have missed on the details? (This is not to blame you in any way, just to look for potential areas of adjustment.)

I will add that restaurant food is a problem, even for those of us who have been successful on No-S. What LOOKS like perfectly reasonable choices can hide ridiculous amounts of calories, and it's hard to negotiate that without actually looking up calorie counts. I do that when I go to conferences, and have a mental list of "okay" things at the chains I go to frequently - even though I don't calorie count in general.

Finally, my most important piece of advice: Be gentle with yourself. Most especially, find ways to nurture yourself in this stressful time, so that food is not your only source of comfort.

Best wishes.

[BrightAngel]

I am a BIG girl (in the morbidly obese class) and prior to starting No S I snacked constantly between meals, meals that were whatever I wanted, eating out several nights a week and I had desserts nightly. Surely following the No S in my imperfect way was still better than this, right? If my weight had stayed the same, I would have felt justified. But gaining 10 pounds??

Hoping for some advice or motivation to get back on track.Ten years ago I was on a doctor supervised liquid diet and lost 180 pounds. Slowly, but surely I have been gaining the weight back. I am probably about 25 pounds away from my starting weight and that depresses me, too. I have got to do something....

Suz, I can identify with you and your problem.
In my past, I was also morbidly obese.
Many years ago, I also lost a lot of weight on a dr supervised liquid diet.

I think establishing the Habits of eating the NoS way can become very helpful long-term.

The next step is to lower the calories within your food intake.
What has worked very well for me, is my daily use
of a computer software program to log in all of my daily food intake.
The one I use, gives all nutritional values including calories.
My consistent use of this tool has become an enjoyable Habit,
and it is the primary reason that I'm now in the 5th year of maintaining my large weight-loss.

[connorcream]

I have lost 42# by recording my calories every day since Oct 2009. This data has allowed me to know what my calorie limits are, what my portions need to be, and it has held me accountable for what I choose to put in my mouth. This process has been an enjoyable and easy experience using the apps on my Itouch and when necessary Fitday. When I did Nos, I gained 12# over the course of about 18 months., so I empathize with you. I failed as well.

Nos is my only failure with a weight loss program. My other successes have been WW twice & SB. However, this failure taught me more about my body than I ever learned from the previous successes because one day I said, "Enough is enough".

Weight loss is possible for everyone. I want to encourage you that you can succeed too. As I approach goal and enjoying all the benfits of a trim me, I would like for you to be the best you possible.

I look forward to hearing about your success:-)

[sophiasapientia]

((((Suz))))) I'm so sorry that you have been going through a tough time. Kudos to you for hanging in there! As I'm sure you know, both stress and eating out can cause weight gain. Perhaps some of this will be "easy come, easy go" weight as you transition into eating more at home and, hopefully, any stress decreases.

I'm with KCCC in that, although I'm not a calorie counter in general, I do like to make informed choices when my family eats out since food prepared in cafeterias and restaurants can be outrageously high in hidden calories/fat/sodium/etc. My family eats out on a pretty regular basis (I'd say at least 1-2 times a week, sometimes more) and I've still been able to lose going on 20 pounds doing my modified-for-a-short-lady version of vanilla No S, even with the eating out.

Exercise can help a lot too, both in terms of weight loss and in terms of managing stress during difficult periods. I'm finishing up an audiobook called "Spark" by John Ratey and it has reinforced to me the importance of physical exercise for physical and mental health.

Do take care of yourself!

Hugs from a fellow Michigander,

[paulawylma]

Suz: You are not a failure, you are a living breathing person who has gained weight and maybe followed a program that doesn't work for you. Others have posted what might have gone wrong. If you were snacking and eating sweets before No S, then logically you should have eaten less on No S. Unless your meal size increased or you reallly had problems with S days. Other posting have all made except suggestions on how to troubleshoot the problem. I don't know about changing N Days until after you have looked at S days. How about re-establishing your N Day habits and after 3 weeks with no red days, check your weight again. At a 1/2 lb a week loss you may not see any loss if your weight fluctates, so just check to see if there is a vsible gain. If not continue with No S, but if you do see a weight gain, look at the S Days to see if you are permasnacking. On S days, it is reccommended that you follow the basic 3 meal a day plan (with one plate meals) and just add in snacks (if you are hungry between meals), seconds (if you are still hungry or peckish after eating a meal) and sweets (if you are craving a sweet). You are not obligated to eat snacks, sweets and seconds on S day, you just are supposed to if you need them (as a pressure release as it says in the book).

Good luck, personally after being on so many diets that blame the dieter for failure, I'm not going to go that route with No S. Since no S is fairly simple, I don't know why it wouldn't work for you, but maybe it doesn't. Since any other diet is going to be much more restrictive, I would give No S another chance, especially if those appetizers were not part of a one plate meat.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Cassie]

Hi Suz,

I just want to offer a bit of support & encouragement really. I think most of us here on the NoS boards have been where you are now, i.e. feeling like a failure, having diets not work etc.

I agree with all the others have said, but I also want to stress that if you've been eating dinner PLUS appetizier / salad etc you're actually not following the 'No seconds' rule, i.e. you're not having just one physical plate of food. Or perhaps you include your appetizier / salad / bowl of soup on one plate? In which case the amounts would be limited just by doing that. I think there's a bit of confusion with the No seconds rule- some people may think it means have a 3 course meal (starter-main course-salad) but just have no seconds. While actually it means have just ONE physical plate of food. You might already know this & I'm repeating it, but just thought I'd write it down in case that's one of the issues you could change .

The other thing- which the others have mentioned- is the high calories in restaurant meal. However, if I were you I'd personally not worry too much, for a month or two, of the 'what' factor, i.e. what you're eating (even if it means putting on a small amount of weight). I would first establish- strictly- the basic NoS framework, and that takes a bit of time. And then after that framework is in place & you feel confident that you're used to it & it's become a habit, only then could you start watching the content of what you're eating, i.e. making reasonably healthy choices, with the possibility to diverge & perhaps have a more calorific meal once in a while.

I think where NoS succeeds, compared to other diets, is that even if you follow a healthy-eating, low calory, low carb (whatever it is) plan during NoS and with the NoS framework in place, you can always have an off day, still follow the NoS rules, & not feel like a failure, that you've failed the diet. Hope that makes sense. It is, however, relatively reasonable to assume that for most of us having the NoS framework won't, on its own, ensure quick weight loss, and some 'watching' of what we eat will eventually have to happen. But NoS allows you to do that at your own pace, making your own rules that fit your own life. I would say it's a framework & way of eating long term, not a diet. For some lucky people it works on its own as a diet, with no adjustments needed at all, but for others there also needs to be some other adjustments which though are best to happen gradually & with as little pressure on yourself as possible.

Anyway, hope that all makes sense! Good luck with your diet & also with your mother...sounds like you have a lot on your plate these days.

[wosnes]

Suz, I want to reiterate what some of the others have said: YOU are not a failure. But so far, what you have been doing has failed to work for you.

I think the biggest reason that some of us either fail to lose or gain on No-S is that we're still eating too much. I think that some of us make up for the no snacking with bigger meals (due to fear of being hungry between meals). I think most of us really don't know what constitutes a normal portion of food.

I'm also not a calorie counter, but try to be aware of what I'm eating -- especially when I'm away from home. I have never having followed the one plate rule. However, the additional plate (or bowl) can only be filled with vegetables -- salad or a broth-based soup. Very few calories there. Appetizers and desserts are out unless it's an S-event for me OR if I can fit a portion of the appetizer on my plate. When I eat out I normally eat only half of what I'm served (again, with the exception of vegetables). I either leave the rest or take it home. I frequent only one restaurant that actually serves portions that are normal. I clean the plate there! I'm always satisfied but never stuffed when I eat there.

Restaurant food is a problem. Not only are the portions usually at least double what they should be, the calories in a "regular" portion can easily be equal to a full day's worth of calories for an average woman. If you eat out now and then, it's not much of a problem. If you eat out daily and especially multiple times a day, it's a problem. From personal experience (I used to work in a hospital) I know that their food is usually not any better than the worst fast/chain restaurant. My weight (and health) issues started when I started eating regularly in the hospital cafeteria.

Not only is restaurant food overloaded with calories, it's overloaded with sodium -- which can lead to fluid retention and "apparent" weight gain.

[suz]

Thank you, everyone for your kind and positive responses. I am looking at what I have done quite honestly and as some of you have already mentioned there are reasons for my gain. I have found 2 of them.

1) the obvious. Restaurant meals. I am aware of the "one plate" factor in the no seconds rule. But, that one plate was always overdone at the restaurants. In the beginning I made sure to take a portion home. But that didn't last and eventually I started with the appetizer or soup and somehow "rationalized" that. Eating out every night like that was a big problem.

2) my lunches. I pack a bag lunch and it usually is not on an actual plate. But I think I ended up eating a bigger lunch than usual because I was so afraid of being hungry. I have an early lunch at school, and then with hospital/rehab visits I would often not eat until very late.

On the positive side: I did extremely well with the no snacking and no sweets. It really did become a habit. I was able to turn down candy, cupcakes, etc...knowing that I could have something without guilt on my next S day which was never far off. I think I also handled my S days fairly well. I didn't go crazy. I wasn't an idiot. I didn't binge. I did allow my self a decadent dessert each day as well as occasional snacking. I think in the future, I may have to scale back as far as the decadence or the portion size goes, but I honestly don't think my S days were the big culprit.

So now for the past few weeks I have totally fallen off the wagon. But, I think I am ready to try again. I will admit that my big fear (again) is to get back on the scale and see how much I have gained since I have been off the No S path. This has been a problem for me in the past. I develop a resistance to getting on the scale and then feel like I can't start a program until I do get on that scale. Maybe I should just start with the program and not weigh right away?

Anyways, thanks for reading through all this and helping me "come clean" with myself and for your enouragement. I will check back in soon to let you know how its going!