1 step forward, 3 steps back

Bunny88 · Post by **Bunny88** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 1:58 am

I'm so frustrated. I feel like I make progress (weight loss). Then I have a bad week where I have no time to exercise (really, I mean it), and obey the letter of the law but not the spirit (still eat too much because of my horribly strong appetite--piling food onto the plate because I'm so darn hungry). Then...All of the pounds come back. I just maintain the status quo. The fat, ugly status quo.

It just makes me feel so bad about myself. I feel like a failure and an idiot. In the past year and a half, I've gotten to the highest weight in my life. This is probably because my job switched from one where I was walking all of the time to a desk job. I'm having to buy new clothes, because I can't fit into a lot of my old ones.

This is a rather incoherent post, but I guess I just feel that unless I'm perfect constantly, which means exercising 5-6 times a week and eating home-cooked food, I can't make any progress. Now, since I'm human and have a job that takes up WAY too much time, I inevitably fail. The slightest slip-up seems to make the pounds pile back on immediately, and I'm back where I started.

I'm just wondering if I should give up on weight loss and accept my gross body somehow. I mean, I am just SICK of trying to be perfect.

Sorry that I'm whining so much. I just felt I needed to vent.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:22 am

Sorry that things are rough for you right now.

Going to a more sedentary job is a challenge. (I'm dealing with that right now too - really disrupted my nice eating/exercise balance!) And it's so easy to eat a lot when stressed.

Ideas (take what you can use and let the rest go by...)

Do some planning ahead:
- Expand your repertoire of "things that comfort me" beyond food. Make a list in advance that you can draw on when you're too tired to think of things. Fresh flowers? Scented shower gel?
- Similarly, identify foods-you-like (TRULY like) that are good for you, that you can keep around for easy at-home meals
- Also identify restaurant foods that are good choices for you, so you're not stuck making choices when you're too worn out to think.

Make tiny changes:
- Look for little ways to fit in exercise. One person here uses a kettleball for one minute each hour at work (can't remember who, sorry). I have started wearing a pedometer, and challenging myself to increase the number of steps I take in a day
- Make little substitutions in your meals - things that are pretty painless for you.
- Address any other issues that would help out (I feel much better when the house is tidy... and a quick pick-up is often all it takes)

Be your own cheerleader
- Consider what you can do to support yourself. Go through the quotes thread and pick out some that appeal to you, and use them as mantras. Promise yourself rewards for staying on track with behavior. Whatever motivates and encourages you.
- Remind yourself that you are more than your weight. Make a list of 50 things about yourself that you like. (Yes, I know. When I got this assignment during a tough time, it took me three days to complete it, and there were reeeeally tiny things on it. But it did help.)

Look for help
- This board is FULL of wise and useful ideas. Read through, and keep track of the things that resonate. And don't feel bad about posting! We've all been there - sometimes things are easy, sometimes not.

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. It sounds counter-intuitive, but cheering yourself on will give you better results than beating yourself up! So, acknowledge every time you make a good choice, and when you don't... just "mark it and move on."

Hope some of this is useful. Best wishes!!!

clarinetgal · Post by **clarinetgal** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:34 am

No, you're definitely not stuck at your current weight. Don't give up! I can't think of anything to add to KCC's great post, but definitely don't give up on yourself!

Graham · Post by **Graham** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 1:03 pm

Bunny88 I do sympathise with your frustration and the hint of self-loathing. I was in a similar mood when I decided to give IF (intermittent fasting) a go. I have to say it works, and I feel a lot better about myself now I've found a doable way to lose weight. It can be easily combined with No S, it is easier than it sounds - and it means you aren't powerless or hopeless.

Plenty of threads and info about it on this forum if it is of any interest to you.

Graham

Clarica · Post by **Clarica** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:56 pm

it may be a short-term setback. I know my weight-loss chart drives me crazy on the weeks I gain weight, which is a lot of them. but some I stay even, and some I go down, and over weeks and weeks and weeks, even the gained weight is lower than I started with. keep on it, the results are long-term, not short.

Bunny88 · Post by **Bunny88** » Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:14 pm

Thanks all. I guess I really struggle with eating issues emotionally. If you want to know why, well, I just poured my heart out on my Daily Check-In (yesterday, incidentally was a failure, namely because my boss took us all out to dinner and bought us ice cream, and I felt like I couldn't refuse because it would be rude).

Graham, I will look up intermittent fasting. Sounds interesting. It's true there is self-loathing going on, a lot sometimes. I guess I just feel like most people are able to control what they eat, so if I can't do that, I must be deficient and lazy and weak in some way compared to everybody else. It doesn't help that my new job is really stressing me out and making me question my worth in many ways, not just aesthetically.

KCCC, those sound like some good ideas. I need to bring in some positivity into my life. It's just like I almost feel like I *deserve* to be punished if I don't control my eating perfectly and gain weight. I feel like a lazy idiot when I do that, so I don't deserve any compassion. Maybe that's weird?

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:31 pm

Bunny88 wrote: KCCC, those sound like some good ideas. I need to bring in some positivity into my life. It's just like I almost feel like I *deserve* to be punished if I don't control my eating perfectly and gain weight. I feel like a lazy idiot when I do that, so I don't deserve any compassion. Maybe that's weird?

Bunny, I think most of us on this forum have dealt with some form of that feeling during our lives. It's absolutely not weird.

But it's also not HELPFUL. Honestly, you will have better results if you can treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you'd extend to a friend (or a child) who needed some emotional support.

This board is a wonderful source of support on multiple levels, so come back often. There's a lot of wisdom in the stickies (the quote thread is great) and in older posts too - and don't miss the podcasts! (My favorite - and the one I consistently recommend to new people - is the one on strictness. Pay special attention to the section on "no retribution!") Pick and choose what works for you, and have patience. You are learning a new skill, and like any new skill, it takes practice.

Hang in there!

connorcream · Post by **connorcream** » Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:30 am

Weight loss is possible for everyone. You don't have to settle for second best when first best is doable. Devise your plan, implement it, see if it is working. If it doesn't work change it until it does. You have the ability to do this.