I love this lifestyle! But I need some advice on mods...

[Sienna]

Hello!

I found this diet in June. By the end of July I'd decided it wasn't so much a diet - but a lifestyle. Unlike any other diet or exercise routine I've ever tried, I can actually see myself eating like this forever - and being happy while I do it!

I've always been an emotional eater. Specifically a stress eater. When life got crazy, I liked to drown the chaos with pizza, chocolate, fast food and other greasy and rich comfort foods - in quantity. The more food I stuffed into my mouth, the less stressed I feel. I've always felt something like I was addicted to food and to eating, but since I couldn't just stop eating altogether, I didn't know how to break the addiction. The structured freedom of No S has done just that for me. Since I get only 3 meals, I can cut out much of the emotional portion of eating. I no longer eat because I'm stressed, but rather because I need food to survive. And I enjoy the food I do eat more, because I'm eating quality food because it tastes good and not cheap junk because it gives me an emotional high for 15 minutes. I feel better, I feel better about myself and the ability to continue this long journey I have ahead, and I feel in control - for the first time in as long as I can remember.

Since June 27 (the first day I actually weighed myself) I've lost 18 pounds. More impressively, between July 15th and September 10th I lost nearly 10 pounds. That time period was the qualifying exam for the program that I am in (and am still in because I passed!) - and was easily the most stressful 2 months of my life to date. If you had asked me at the beginning of the summer to predict how my weight would change during the exam, I would have guessed that I would gain at least 5-10 pounds from eating junk. Instead, I stuck to the plan and actually lost weight!

I still have a long journey ahead, but I'm feeling confident that it's a journey that I'm finally ready for - so thanks Reinhard for coming up with a strategy that finally works for me!

I've been reading the message boards for awhile, hesitant to join, but after 3 months I think I'm finally ready to officially join the No S community. Plus I need some advice and opinions...

Now No S has been perfect for me, but my husband hasn't been having the same success. He also wants to lose some weight and has been (mostly- he's still drinking soda but has mostly switched to diet) following the diet since June with me. He hasn't really lost any weight and is now looking for ways to modify the plan to better fit his life style. One of his largest issues is that although he's stopped snacking and taking seconds - he's so afraid that he's going to be hungry that he takes super huge servings and then feels like he has to clear his plate. He's thought about maybe trying something where he makes two smaller, 1/2 full plates at dinner and eats only one, but allows himself the second one an hour later if he is still hungry, at least to break him of the habit of overeating out of the fear of being hungry later. Has anyone tried anything like this? His other issue is that he is still going a little hog wild on S days - but I feel like if he can get the N days to go a little smoother, he might have better luck on the S days, because I know that now I *can't* eat as much on S days as I used to be able to. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks!

[wosnes]

I found this worked completely by accident. Eat one full plate of food. No half-plates or smaller portions. Just one normal sized plate of food. I often still feel "hungry" (that is, I could eat more) when I finish that plate. But 20-30 minutes later I realize I'm completely satisfied. And I stay satisfied until close to the next meal.

We've been taught that we need to eat more than we do. If your husband is a big man or extremely active (and most of us aren't), it could be that he will need more food.

I'd stick with the three plates only initially, because a lot of thinking we need to eat more is just that -- thinking we need to eat more.

[Sienna]

I found this worked completely by accident. Eat one full plate of food. No half-plates or smaller portions. Just one normal sized plate of food. I often still feel "hungry" (that is, I could eat more) when I finish that plate. But 20-30 minutes later I realize I'm completely satisfied. And I stay satisfied until close to the next meal.

We've been taught that we need to eat more than we do. If your husband is a big man or extremely active (and most of us aren't), it could be that he will need more food.

I'd stick with the three plates only initially, because a lot of thinking we need to eat more is just that -- thinking we need to eat more.

I agree with you. I certainly thought that I would be hungry between meals, but found out quickly that I wasn't. In fact, for me No S was a pretty painless switch - which is surprising considering how much trouble I had with other diets.

It's part of why I'm having a hard time helping my husband with this, I just naturally started eating one plate meals the same size a first serving would have been, but not going back for seconds or snacks (I was big on grazing). He doesn't want to be hungry, so he has huge portions at his meals (sure it fits on one plate, but it's piled pretty high). Larger than what he would have had pre-No S, because he knows he can't go back for seconds or have a snack in a few hours. Sometimes he even eats past feeling full. He is then not hungry at all between meals (and does not snack), but also does not seem to be creating a calorie deficit. His hunch is that he could probably eat less at meals and *still* not be hungry, but he's having a hard time allowing himself to try it - which is why I think he's looking for some sort of safety net in terms of a mod.

[kccc]

First, I think your hunch that "N-days" are the place to focus is correct. They're the core.

From your description, he IS eating seconds - just piling it on one mile-high plate. The excess is visible, and physically noticeable since HE feels overfull.

In a nutshell...that's not working, so don't do it. One of the ideas in No-S is that , over time, the "pressure of your eyeballs" will tell you when you're eating too much when it's on one plate like that. Your hubby's eyeballs and his tummy are both giving him the same message. So, pay attention!

It does take a while to figure out "how much do I need?" - and takes a bit of experimentation. Cut out a little, and see if that's okay. Cut some more and check again. The worst that can happen is that you'll cut too much at ONE meal and be a little hungry. So, drink some milk that day and put a little more on the plate next time. (And guess what? Hunger is normal and survivable. In fact, some people call it "having an appetite" and EXPECT to be hungry for the next meal.)

Before even filling that plate and think "how hungry am I really?" The goal is to feel satiated but NOT stuffed at the end of the meal. Think of it as learning to listen to your body, which is a good thing.

The other direction in which to take action is to break that "clean the plate habit." (Disclaimer: I too struggle with this one, which is why I've learned to plate carefully most days. However, I use the following strategies in situations where I had no control over what went on my plate to begin with.) Eat slowly and as mindfully as possible. Halfway through the plate, stop for a few minutes and "feel" how full you are. Are you done? Be honest. If not, stop again after another half of what's left. Continue. Make it a goal to leave at least a few bites on the plate. (While you're at it, argue with all the voices in your head from childhood that tell you not to waste... remember that "it can go to waste or it can go to waist" - and either does the starving children in ___ no good at all.)

Good luck with whatever you decide... and the nice thing about No-S is that YOU always get to decide. (The hard thing is that you have to be accountable for your decisions!)

[wosnes]

What's the worst thing that can happen if he just eats three meals daily? He might be hungry. But, there's nothing wrong with being hungry! Fear of hunger leads most of us to eat far more than we need to eat -- but as stated below, very few of us are going to suffer physically from being hungry.

This is from Mark Bittman's book Food Matters:

There's a basic truth here: there are stages of hunger, and we -- Americans -- have become accustomed to feeding ourselves at the first sign. This is the equivalent of taking a nap every time you get tired, which hardly anyone does.

There are levels of hunger, and there is a very real difference between hunger and starvation. Starvation is a physical state; your body is deprived of essential nutrients or calories for a long period of time. Probably no one reading this book has ever been truly starving -- though we all think we know what starving feels like.

Hunger is a hardwired early-warning system. At first, your brain says, "Think about eating something soon." In the later stages it says, "Eat as soon as you can; make eating a priority." At no point does your brain say, "Eat now or you will do permanent damage," though at times it may feel as if that is true. But "Eat when hungry" has become a habit. We get hungry. We eat. We get hungry again. We eat again. And so on.

I'm not saying, "Don't eat when you're hungry." I'm saying that if losing of maintaining weight is important to you, think twice before you eat from simple hunger, or from other reasons, like emotion. And when you do eat, choose a piece of fruit; a carrot; a handful of nuts. If you're still hungry, have more. And more. Eat a pint of blueberries, or cherry tomatoes; have a mango, a banana, and an apple. Have a lightly dressed salad. You would be hard-pressed to gain weight eating this way.

You can also embrace hunger, strange as that may sound, just as you might embrace the delicious anticipation of a nap, or sexual craving. Your hunger will, after all, be satisfied; why not wait an hour? (You're not dying, after all!) You might also stop eating before you're full (three-quarters full is probably about right). And if you eat slowly, taking your time, you'll give the food time to reach your stomach and give you a sense of satisfaction before you have seconds or thirds.

Obviously, some of that doesn't agree with No-S (snacks and seconds) -- but the point is we don't need to eat every time we feel hunger. We can wait! And actually, the anticipation leads to increased enjoyment of the next meal.

[Meikmeika]

I'm still an extreme newbie so.....here's what helped me...

I asked myself if it were possible for me to starve in a 3-6 hour period of time. This question in itself allowed me to relax a bit and not gorge every meal.

Something I also learned that's interesting. Every skinny friend I have has told me that a growling stomach means it's time for the next meal. I don't know about you but my stomach hasn't growled in years.....LOL!!

[BrightAngel]

I work to think of Hunger as merely the Physical Sensation of Evaporating Fat.

[wosnes]

I have another thought. If he starts by modifying (unless there's a medical reason to do so), he'll never know if the program works, if he can go between meals without being hungry. He'll just assume that he can't. As I said above, the worst thing that can happen is that he might get hungry. Then again, he might not.

[Sienna]

I asked myself if it were possible for me to starve in a 3-6 hour period of time. This question in itself allowed me to relax a bit and not gorge every meal.

I really like this, and I think it might help. I really think if he gets the hang of eating enough, but not too much at meals, he'll have the same success I am having - but I know he's just really frustrated that he's not really losing weight, which is why I told him I would see if other people had any advice to help.

He is also still thinking of it as a "diet" - and he still really feels deprived when he opts not to have the goodies at work. Whereas I was surprised how easy it was for me to say "no" once I had the rule in place - and I stopped feeling like I was really missing out after maybe a week.

[oolala53]

Obviously, your husband is a different case from you. His fear of hunger must be dealt with. Some people learn to tolerate hunger quickly. Others get freaked by it and end up panicking and overeating even more. Their bodies are wired to feel extremely anxious without food. They usually don't even realize that feeling is what they are avoiding.

Ask him if he is willing to learn first of all to learn the difference between true hunger and just the desire to eat. If he is willing to tell the truth to himself about really being hungry or not, I think the tactic of having the option to eat later will work, because there is no way he will be hungry one hour after a decent plate of food. However, he may still have the desire to eat. Before I established the habit, I knew that my dangerous times for overeating were one-two hours after eating. If I could go three hours, it was usually easier to go four or even five. I discovered I could tolerate real hunger even better than urges to eat!

Another idea is to have him experiment with slowly but surely increasing the ratio of vegetables on his plate.

ASk him also if he might be willing to experiment with being hungry for one hour or one-half hour, or whatever. Don't shame him, but also present it as if he should at least be curious and strong enough to just try it out. How bad can it be? He needs to get honest with himself.

Then there is the idea is that if it is not more painful for him to be overly full and overweight, then there is little likelihood that he will be willing to change his habits much anyway. This is something only he can decide.

Lastly, who knows? Maybe there is another plan which for whatever reason he will find less painful than this. I can't imagine what it is but I've been shocked by what has worked for some people and their claims that is was easy.

Just for your info, after 9 months of many, many weeks of compliant N days, I still often have wild S days. It is annoying because when I don't, I stay down. I keep fluctuating a lot, but I still have managed to lose 17 lbs. off my 5'6'' body of 185 lbs. with no consistent exercise. I'll take that amount of failure any day.

No matter what, you keep up what you're doing. It just may take longer for him to quell the fears.