Does anyone else struggle with / over-think this?
I'm trying really hard to frame diet and exercise in terms of wellness rather than weight or size: I'd like to lose weight, but it's important to me that it be a secondary effect of eating better and being more active rather than an end in itself.
Some of this is philosophical: I believe in destigmatizing fat, and in the potential for health at any size; and in the importance of not treating size as an absolute determinant of health.
Some of it is personal: I have a history of taking diet and exercise too far, too fast. I'm extremely self-critical, and I'm not good at knowing when to stop or acting on that knowledge--more than once, I've permanently screwed up my body by pushing through injuries. For me, associating diet and exercise with weight in my head is a quick ticket to starvation and overexertion, at least for me. "Well, if X calories is good, X-1 calories must be better! If walking six miles is good, what if I just do it again? And run this time? If Y exercise burns X calories, why not just not eat at all, and make that much more progress? If hunger is a good sign, less must always be better." The momentum builds frighteningly fast, and I've learned from habit that it's not something I can control.
Anyway--posting this here both to untangle some of my own thoughts, and to see how other people handle that--and, in particular, whether there are any folks in my (relative) shoes who've developed a workable lexicon for discussing their diet and exercise choices, both with themselves and with others.
Semantics: Weight Loss vs. Wellness
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
It is a struggle, because American society, especially, equates weight with health.
Do you know spending most of your day standing up is better for your heart than being thin? In fact, thin people who sit all day have just as much chance of dying of a heart attack as do fat people and people who smoke. (A blog post I wrote on standing w/ links to several studies/articles: http://keripeardon.wordpress.com/2011/0 ... eet-again/)
Fat often has nothing to do with health. Japanese sumo wrestlers are often more healthy than thin Americans; sumo wrestlers have fat only under the skin, whereas even thin people can have dangerous amounts of fat around their heart and liver.
But regardless of the fact that I can schlep 70 pounds around, I don't want to be this fat. There comes a point when you just want to lose weight for cosmetic reasons. And I think that's okay.
Of course, as you've pointed out, losing weight can sometimes get away from us. When I went on a low-cal diet some years ago, I became obsessive about counting calories and I became really vain. Worse, I was constantly looking at myself and thinking "I need to lose more." What I had lost was not enough--even though I was within a normal weight range. I realized I had a problem one night when I was with my husband and I caught myself sucking in my stomach--something I had never done when I was several sizes larger!
I took a long break from dieting after that, because it kind of scared me. All of the weight came back, plus a couple of dress sizes. I've studied books like "The Obesity Myth" and books on French diet (as in what they eat, not what they don't eat). I've come to the conclusion that I don't HAVE to lose weight, but I want to lose weight because I don't like looking this fat. And I've set my goal not on being thin, but being back to my old size.
Something Reinhard mentions in one of his podcasts is that you should only exercise for 14 minutes and not a minute more. If you push for more, you'll crash and burn. So why not say 14 minutes and no more? And why not say 3 full plates of food and no less? Boundaries can go both ways: you can't eat more than 3 meals, but you can't eat less. You must exercise 14 minutes, but you can't exercise more.
You didn't get fat overnight; you won't get thin overnight either. I know it's hard, because I've been having to rein myself in too. But I know from experience that if I let myself go overboard, I'll crash and burn, and I don't want to stop. I want to stick with this until I get to my goal. So I just have to be patient.
You might check out FlyLady. She has a system for cleaning house and getting organized, but she constantly has advice on establishing habits and she warns people not to go crazy and clean house in one back-breaking swoop, then collapse and not clean again. She says clean one thing and make it a habit to keep it clean. Then, after a few days or a week, clean something else and keep it and the first thing clean. It's a snowball effect. Reinhard talks about establishing habits in his podcasts, too, if you want to listen to them.
Do you know spending most of your day standing up is better for your heart than being thin? In fact, thin people who sit all day have just as much chance of dying of a heart attack as do fat people and people who smoke. (A blog post I wrote on standing w/ links to several studies/articles: http://keripeardon.wordpress.com/2011/0 ... eet-again/)
Fat often has nothing to do with health. Japanese sumo wrestlers are often more healthy than thin Americans; sumo wrestlers have fat only under the skin, whereas even thin people can have dangerous amounts of fat around their heart and liver.
But regardless of the fact that I can schlep 70 pounds around, I don't want to be this fat. There comes a point when you just want to lose weight for cosmetic reasons. And I think that's okay.
Of course, as you've pointed out, losing weight can sometimes get away from us. When I went on a low-cal diet some years ago, I became obsessive about counting calories and I became really vain. Worse, I was constantly looking at myself and thinking "I need to lose more." What I had lost was not enough--even though I was within a normal weight range. I realized I had a problem one night when I was with my husband and I caught myself sucking in my stomach--something I had never done when I was several sizes larger!
I took a long break from dieting after that, because it kind of scared me. All of the weight came back, plus a couple of dress sizes. I've studied books like "The Obesity Myth" and books on French diet (as in what they eat, not what they don't eat). I've come to the conclusion that I don't HAVE to lose weight, but I want to lose weight because I don't like looking this fat. And I've set my goal not on being thin, but being back to my old size.
Something Reinhard mentions in one of his podcasts is that you should only exercise for 14 minutes and not a minute more. If you push for more, you'll crash and burn. So why not say 14 minutes and no more? And why not say 3 full plates of food and no less? Boundaries can go both ways: you can't eat more than 3 meals, but you can't eat less. You must exercise 14 minutes, but you can't exercise more.
You didn't get fat overnight; you won't get thin overnight either. I know it's hard, because I've been having to rein myself in too. But I know from experience that if I let myself go overboard, I'll crash and burn, and I don't want to stop. I want to stick with this until I get to my goal. So I just have to be patient.
You might check out FlyLady. She has a system for cleaning house and getting organized, but she constantly has advice on establishing habits and she warns people not to go crazy and clean house in one back-breaking swoop, then collapse and not clean again. She says clean one thing and make it a habit to keep it clean. Then, after a few days or a week, clean something else and keep it and the first thing clean. It's a snowball effect. Reinhard talks about establishing habits in his podcasts, too, if you want to listen to them.
Current size: 18 U.S.
Goal size: 14 U.S.
Goal size: 14 U.S.
As a "recovering perfectionist," I know exactly what you mean.
I have a more general "frame" that helps me on this issue: I look for "what is optimal." My husband and I use the term "over-optimizing" or "over-achieving" for behavior like you describe - where you push too far in some direction and make yourself crazy. (As well as those around you...)
Thinking in terms of "optimal" rather than "best, most perfect, more" has been really helpful to me.
A useful strategy is setting boundaries at BOTH ends of the spectrum. Example... I keep a journal, but do not allow myself to write more than three pages per day. That limit (which sometimes does chafe) has enabled me to keep a journal for years. (In prior sporadic attempts at journal-keeping, I would write reams for a week, then burn out and quit.) Not necessary everywhere, but useful in places that might be problematical.
So in terms of No-S, I don't eat more than three plates, but I DO eat three balanced plates.
I have a more general "frame" that helps me on this issue: I look for "what is optimal." My husband and I use the term "over-optimizing" or "over-achieving" for behavior like you describe - where you push too far in some direction and make yourself crazy. (As well as those around you...)
Thinking in terms of "optimal" rather than "best, most perfect, more" has been really helpful to me.
A useful strategy is setting boundaries at BOTH ends of the spectrum. Example... I keep a journal, but do not allow myself to write more than three pages per day. That limit (which sometimes does chafe) has enabled me to keep a journal for years. (In prior sporadic attempts at journal-keeping, I would write reams for a week, then burn out and quit.) Not necessary everywhere, but useful in places that might be problematical.
So in terms of No-S, I don't eat more than three plates, but I DO eat three balanced plates.
I've always hated the word 'diet' and hated setting myself goals about weight loss. I think I'm probably the opposite in some ways, I've been very avoidant of dieting most of my life!!
Maybe there is something about social stigma there. I work with a lot of women, most of whom are on a diet at least 50% of the time. Most of these don't actually need to be on a diet and are definitely in the healthy BMI range. I clearly am not, so admitting that I'm on a diet seems... shameful somehow, like I could say to a co-worker 'wow you don't need to be on a diet!' but there's no way they could say the same to me.
I don't like parts of my body, but I think I've had a pretty healthy ability to look at myself in the mirror and think 'yep, you look ok!' This doesn't necessarily help me though, as I could do with being lighter to be more healthy (rather than to 'look better'). Hmm sorry for that random ramble, not sure if that helped at all! I think NoS is a good lesson in moderation though in both senses - not eating too much but also not restricting too much.
Maybe there is something about social stigma there. I work with a lot of women, most of whom are on a diet at least 50% of the time. Most of these don't actually need to be on a diet and are definitely in the healthy BMI range. I clearly am not, so admitting that I'm on a diet seems... shameful somehow, like I could say to a co-worker 'wow you don't need to be on a diet!' but there's no way they could say the same to me.
I don't like parts of my body, but I think I've had a pretty healthy ability to look at myself in the mirror and think 'yep, you look ok!' This doesn't necessarily help me though, as I could do with being lighter to be more healthy (rather than to 'look better'). Hmm sorry for that random ramble, not sure if that helped at all! I think NoS is a good lesson in moderation though in both senses - not eating too much but also not restricting too much.
I don't have much tendency to move from one excess to it's opposite excess. I do think about the system as a plan for eliminating over-eating. Over-eating can be a strain on your body, and so is severe under-eating. The right amount of work on a problem is the one that is sustainable indefinitely, without strain.
best of luck!
best of luck!
I had experience with this many years ago, when I was 25 or so. I became obsessed with losing weight, and ate no more than 500 calories a day. I had a magic number in my head (115 pounds), and I wanted to get there as soon as possible. What it took to stop me was fear. I had dieted all week, made it down to 119, and thought maybe I could get to 115 pounds if I fasted for the weekend, so I ate nothing on Friday or Saturday. I woke up on Sunday morning and felt different than I had ever felt. I lay in bed and watched my heartbeat shake my chest. There was no doubt, even to me in my delusional state, that I was in trouble, and I needed to eat - FAST.
Of course, if I had known then that I would eventually gain over 100 pounds, I might have wanted to die! You can see how very disordered my eating has been on both ends of the spectrum. The structure of No S has ended this. I always tell people that the mental effects of No S have been a greater benefit than the weight loss (about 70 pounds). Usually they don't believe me, because I don't like telling people in "real life" about the embarrassing details. The truth is that my sick relationship with food dominated my life for years. That's over.
I wish you all the best with this. I think it's great that you recognize how your thoughts about weight can become dangerous. As unhealthy as I was at my maximum weight, I know I never was LESS healthy than when I weighed the least.
Of course, if I had known then that I would eventually gain over 100 pounds, I might have wanted to die! You can see how very disordered my eating has been on both ends of the spectrum. The structure of No S has ended this. I always tell people that the mental effects of No S have been a greater benefit than the weight loss (about 70 pounds). Usually they don't believe me, because I don't like telling people in "real life" about the embarrassing details. The truth is that my sick relationship with food dominated my life for years. That's over.
I wish you all the best with this. I think it's great that you recognize how your thoughts about weight can become dangerous. As unhealthy as I was at my maximum weight, I know I never was LESS healthy than when I weighed the least.