Shared dishes- how do I do the 1 plate rule?

[May]

Any ideas how to do the one plate rule if all the dishes are shared?

Daily dinner looks like this: 3 or 4 dishes that are shared. These are placed on the table so people can scoop or pick up what they want and place the food in their bowl. I don't think the small bowl can hold the amount of food on a plate.

I'd rather not look different from everyone at the table by being the only one using a plate.

[reinhard]

Do you think you are eating excessively at these daily dinners?

If not, don't make yourself crazy trying to comply to the letter of the No S Law. Just call it "virtual plating" and enjoy.

Another idea would be to do this but make it more concrete: each little bowlful counts as a half plate, or third plate, depending on how big it is. Eat it empty, then refill set number of times.

The danger with either of these approaches is not so much the meal itself, I think, but that it can compromise the clarity of No-S in other situations (if you virtually plate in this circumstance, why not constantly? etc.). But I think this danger can be managed if you are aware of it and clear with yourself that such routine virtual plating is only allowed in this special circumstance.

Best of luck, whatever you decide,

Reinhard

[Blithe Morning]

My suggestion below may seem silly but if this is a regular event, then it's worth the time to try it. You won't be virtual plating as much as equivalent plating. The difference between the two is that virtual plating is an eyeballed guess of how much food goes on a differently shaped dish while equivalent plating is not eyeballed; you have taken the time to figure out what the equivalent dish sizes are.

You will need two plates and a bowl about the size you use at this event.

1. Serve yourself an average size meal on a plate.
2. Using the contents from the served plate, fill your bowl to the level you would normally fill it at the event.
3. Empty out the bowl on the second plate. Refill the bowl with the food from the first plate.
4. Repeat until all the food from the first plate is moved to the second.
5. You now know how many small bowls equal a plate.

This is good to do too if you bring your lunch in a container just to make sure that you really are eating the amount you think you are.

I would not do this before, say, going to a heavy hors d oeuvers function which would substitute for dinner. Those used to be common at conferences a few years back. I go so rarely that I am ok with virtual plating.

[wosnes]

Another idea would be to do this but make it more concrete: each little bowlful counts as a half plate, or third plate, depending on how big it is. Eat it empty, then refill set number of times.

I like this idea. My guess is that if you feel pleasantly full and not overly stuffed after a meal the number of bowls you've been eating is probably about the equivalent of a plateful of food.

[May]

Thanks for the suggestions.

I had been virtual plating for the last few weeks but there were several times when I am confused because I wasn't sure to consider it a second or not if I just picked up one more piece of veggie from the shared dish.

So these ideas will help a lot. Especially the suggestion to make it more concrete: each bowlful counts as a half plate...I tried that tonight and it worked beautifully I feel confident that I didn't break the rules tonight and 2 bowlfuls were very satisfying.

Thanks for making my dinners less confusing!

[May]

Family noticed that I fill my bowl before starting to eat so they asked why. I told them it is to gauge how much I eat. For example, my usual amount would be 2 bowlfuls. One of the family member who is skinny and has never had weight issues made a comment " Don't you know when you are full ? "

I regret saying anything. Should have just kept my mouth shut. I felt so stupid.

[wosnes]

Family noticed that I fill my bowl before starting to eat so they asked why. I told them it is to gauge how much I eat. For example, my usual amount would be 2 bowlfuls. One of the family member who is skinny and has never had weight issues made a comment " Don't you know when you are full ? "

I regret saying anything. Should have just kept my mouth shut. I felt so stupid.

I think it's interesting. Actually, I think even the one plate rule is telling that many of us don't know when we're satisfied or "full." We've lost the ability to take our clues from how we feel and eat until the food is gone. I think there are a number of reasons for this, one being the "clean plate club."

[jw]

I DON'T know when I am full, Annie -- you are not alone! an hour later, I know that I am overfull, but my shut-off mechanism is broken. Luckily, since starting No-S, I have only had that overfull feeling once -- there were potatoes involved. I think the one-plate limit is a kind of protection.

Sorry your family is not more understanding!

[finallyfull]

Annie, Sorry -- that must have stung.

It is worth noting that lo and behold, a thin person knows when she's full.

I have been grappling for awhile now with the truly head-scratching thought that I do not know when I'm full. (despite my screen name!). I am not one of those "20 minute" people who feels the fullness within 20 minutes -- it takes me about an hour to have the full impact of a meal.

To be totally honest, I have, as Geneen Roth (great gal) has suggested, felt in mid-bite that I might indeed have reached a point of noticing that I have probably had enough. But my well-brainwashed modern brain refuses to let go of the luxury of cleaning my plate. I suppose the next step might be to listen to that teeny, almost Horton Hears a Who voice, but I'd rather stomp it and finish my dinner.

[wosnes]

But my well-brainwashed modern brain refuses to let go of the luxury of cleaning my plate.

I've never considered cleaning my plate a luxury! Maybe part of it is being raised by parents who lived through the Depression, but I've always considered NOT cleaning my plate to be a luxury. To be able to stop because I don't like something or have had enough and not worry about wasting food seems like a luxury to me.

[oolala53]

Though thin people can stop when they're full, they can also be tricked into eating more, as Brian Wansink has proved over and over again.

I think naturally thin people are the exception in the human race. In thin wealthy countries, eating is culturally moderated by portion sizes and a lack of admiration for eating a lot. In most countries, when people get a chance to eat a lot, they do. They don't seem to care that they might be full. In fact, what a thin person would call too full is probably just when the others are starting to feel full. So what others regard as virtue or wisdom for the naturally thin is actually just plain luck much of the time. Sometimes when they get older, and start putting on weight, they are even more flumoxed because they have never had to think about what they ate. They can't tell anymore when they are full, either.

If great numbers of people in a less-than-wealthy culture are slim, it's more likely that it's just too much trouble or too expensive to have enough food to get really full.

To your relative's question, I would have had to bite my tongue not to reply, "No, I don't, just like I guess you can't tell when you're being rude." Unless it was really asked in innocence. In the past, I wanted to sit next to a thin person, tap her on the shoulder every fifteen minutes and say, "Have something to eat," just so she could see what my life was like before No S. She'd end up either going crazy or giving in, I'd bet.

[Over43]

Annie, may I add with others, my regrets at how family has spoken to you. I am one ofthose who can eat until he is sick, and do it over the next day. It isn't as bad as it was when I was young, but satiated is a feeling that I can not recognize.

[May]

Thanks everyone for understanding.

When that comment was made, I didn't know how to respond. It definitely stung. After some more thinking, I realized that skinny people really can't phantom why some people overeat. They can't sympathize because they have never had those feelings of frustration where you want to stop but couldn't. They never had to struggle with food/ diet/ weight issues. It's like trying to describe an elephant to an Eskimo ( assuming that the Eskimo has never seen an elephant). I am just glad that my husband is not like that at all.

NoS works because even if my hunger/ fullness meter is broken, I can still eat a reasonable amount of food without overdoing it. Skinny people probably don't need NoS since they can easily stop when they are full.

[wosnes]

Skinny people probably don't need NoS since they can easily stop when they are full.

I know a number of normal weight people who eat like No-S naturally. Well, naturally or it was the way they were taught to deal with food.

My ex-husband's family was like this. Some of them ate breakfast; some didn't. There were no snacks between meals. This even included appetizers. They weren't seen as something that would whet your appetite for a meal. They were seen as something that would ruin your appetite for a meal. You ate what was served and as much as you liked. In the evening, they often had popcorn (Mom's favorite) or ice cream (Dad's favorite) or sometimes cake, pie or another dessert.

My ex gained some weight recently. Part of it he attributes to a medication he needs to take. A larger part is that his current job requires him to be away from home a lot, so he eats out. He told me he would go to a different restaurant every night and nearly always order Chicken Parmesan -- to compare them. A steady diet of Chicken Parmesan leads to weight gain! He's off the Chicken Parmesan diet now and has lost weight. Prior to this, I never knew him to be overweight. In fact, he usually weighed less than he should for his height.

[May]

Eating out often can definitely cause weight gain. Glad to hear your ex was able to lose the weight.

I eat out quite often so I try to compensate by packing a healthy lunch.