~ Reviving Renee ~

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:25 pm

Thank you very much! I needed to hear that!

On to my next goal

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:57 pm

I read about others who seem to get the habit, but if I have 3 or 4 successful days in a row, I seem to get defiant or something and snack and not even care about it. I think I need to shoot for a week (5 N days)again. I thought I'd earn my Sundays, but I flub during the week and then I don't care when Sunday rolls around. Should I stick to 2 regular S days and trust that the habit will eventually kick in? I guess I'd really need to be perfectly compliant on N days for the that to work, huh? Duh... grr..

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Oct 26, 2012 5:50 pm

I'm pumped and just going one day at a time. I've lost 32 pounds now. Woohoo! I didn't think another pound would be all that big, but since I made it past my previous low, that means that I have not been this low since......... um... probably at least 6 years. When I loose another few I know that I'll be at my lowest since before my son was conceived 12 years ago! I get real joy out of changing the little number on my profile signature. ha.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Oct 29, 2012 1:04 am

Jaxhil wrote: "Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity."-St Augustine

love that!

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Mon Oct 29, 2012 1:41 am

Wonderful! Perseverance pays off!

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:37 am

Inspiring! Very well done!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:48 pm

Thanks!

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Mon Oct 29, 2012 7:52 pm

Glad to see you are still here and Congrats on the 32 pounds!! Wow!

I'm back, starting a 21 day challenge tomorrow. Would love some encouragement... I gained 7 pounds in the past 2 months! Ouch.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:37 pm

More fails than successes. I'm feeling more

than

and I'm thinking that's a good thing.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Nov 09, 2012 6:09 pm

I started a challenge for the rest of the month of November. I will be green the rest of the month! I'm doing vanilla and trying to wait until I'm hungry and stop when full also. When I do that, I am at least hungry at meal time. It seems to be helping as I am down a bit again. Woohoo! I can't wear my wedding ring anymore, it falls off. I refuse to resize it until I get near my goal. It had been way too tight, then a few years ago I smashed it carrying a big rock (duh) and had to quickly run to a jeweler to cut it off. I had it resized (because I knew it would never go back on) and now it falls off. I guess that's a good thing.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:12 pm

I was doing great until the week of Thanksgiving. Ug. According to the scale, I gained 10 pounds in exactly a week. Yea, I know alot of it is retension, and the pie for breakfast was a stupid way to start off the 2 days leading up to turkey day... boy do I need to get back on track! I also have a terrible cold (flu?) but I know that won't slow me down. I have realized that when I get a cold, I crave salty stuff, and end up eating tons of salty snacks. I know that what it really is is my body craving more fluids, so I am going to try to flush away my cravings with tea, herbal. Maybe I'll get back on track, I was doing so well!

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Sat Nov 24, 2012 2:54 am

I watched the whole series "The Skinny on Obesity" on youtube this morning. Quite an eye opener on why we're overweight, and out of control. Sugar is the big culprit. I think it will help me through the holidays.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:46 pm

Back on track and I've come to some conclusions. I record my weight almost every day because I discovered that when I do I seem to have much more drive during the day... out of sight (scale) out of mind(control). I record on my calendar most days and compare with previous times so that I know where I should be at that time of day/week. It help me tremendously. Another thing, when I record my monthly weight on the first page here, I used to write what it was on the last Friday of the month. I thought that might be counter productive since this mind of mine feels off the hook the first 3 weeks. Last month I changed my attitude and told myself that I'd write the lowest weight during the entire month. That helped me a lot since I suddenly had an ongoing daily goal to shoot for. Oh, the mind games we play.

Anyway, I'm back on track and really want to stay there. I am being pressured by my family to start making my usual Christmas treats that I do every year. This may very well be my downfall as to how I gain every winter. Duh, huh? I'm going to tell you the truth. I usually make these all at some time during the month of December and freeze about a third so that when all of my company comes for the holidays, I have a big variety. I make: chex mix, frosted sugar cookies, my famous carmels to die for, oatmeal craisin cookies, gingersnaps, almond bark covered pretzels, my almond cookies with red and green cherries, crackers with cheese logs(yes, homemade), kringles, and now they want rosettes too. This list is just what I thought of off the top of my head, I know there is probably more. I already have nuts sitting out on the counter. I think I am nuts! Allow me to think "outloud" here to try to solve my problem...

The only must have treats are the carmels and some kind of cookie. I give away half of the carmels. I could make the crackers and cheese to freeze and have just for guests when they come. I'd need to make less, so I don't eat any ahead of time. Really, why do I think we all need chex mix anyway? I can make oatmeal cookies anytime. I'll try to forget about those two. I'll make only one batch of treats a week and I'll wait until they hound me. Instead of making my almond cookies and frosted cookies, I'll make almond flavored cut-out cookies to frost and put the cherries on some of them. I'll wait until the week before since I have a big problem with those! The others, I'll make the family vote on and choose only one or two. I will have eliminated at least 5to 6 things. My guests will not even notice right?

Too solid flesh · Post by **Too solid flesh** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 9:17 pm

That sounds like a good plan. What a cornucopia!

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Wed Nov 28, 2012 2:49 am

OMG, that is a lot of treats! If I made all those every year I'd probably be 300 pounds instead of close to 200. By all means cut back on them. No one will notice, but so what if they do? YOU are more important than pleasing everyone.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Nov 28, 2012 5:41 pm

Haha, now I feel rediculously over-treated. In my defense I do have to say that my Mom makes those too, and I think it was ingrained that I need to also, and I did spread them out over the month... yea, anyway... no excuses. If you look at page one here, you'll see the yearly damage it did to me. I gained it all back twice.

This was November

I wanted to finish the month all successfully green. This was tough for me since I have been getting really wishy-washy. I need to set my mind on track before the holidays!

November
7-

yea! and I might add my first green day in a week and a half.
8-

I can't even tell you how many times I fought temptation and won! I am better than that dish of reeses pieces!
9-

yep, fail. I actually thought I should just finish the party size bag of reeses pieces just to get it over with! UG. They are still around... and I can't toss them.
10-

S big day as my senior-starter son went to play state football at the dome! Good thing it was Saturday. Nervous munching. They won!! One last game for Champions!
11-

S
12-

I ate breakfast. I wasn't hungry... I guess that's what happens when I make homemade bread for breakfast for the kids. I always starts me off on the wrong foot.
13-

close!
14-

barely
15-

16-

another nervous excited trip to the dome for more football... We won! We won! My Senior son won our class 2A at state football!
17-

S pumpkin pie for breakfast. That should tell you how the rest of my weekend went. BAD
18-

S Football celebration banquet.
19-

out to eat with daughter home from college. Ate too much, then snacked.
20-

21-

22-

S for Thanksgiving... maybe I'll give myself one s instead of snitching/thirds/desert/leftover nibbles. Hmmm... I'll think about it.
23-

Just color me red and delete the rest of the month? Ug. NOT doin' so good.
24-

S (like I deserve that S)
25-

S
26-

but really? I believe I failed my goal for the month...
27- I did come up with a plan for my holiday treat problem... writen on my "daily"
28-
29-
30-

BUT, I will not this year! I am staying on track and even going to start a challenge.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:52 pm

I think my long-term thinking is helping me. My mental state is more positive anyway. I used to record my weight on Friday mornings because that was when I was at my lowest. I now weigh daily and record on here my very lowest. This way, Saturdays aren't "whew I made it through the week" but more of "keep it up girl, don't blow it now, you tried hard all week".

Also, when I set a goal to maintain or loose a certain amout of weight from a certain date to an other date, I think more long-term than if I try for a success just for the day. Day failures turn into "what the heck" days, and weekends are more off the hook entirely.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:35 pm

Sugar is my current enemy

Jammin' Jan · Post by **Jammin' Jan** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:49 am

Thanks for doing the monthly challenges, Renee!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:10 pm

No prob. Jan! We all help eachother.

Last Monday the t.v. in front of my tredmill had cable issues and I couldn't watch HGTV so, I only exercised for 20 minutes because I got bored. Tuesday was 15 minutes. I channel surfed for those 15 minutes. Wednesday it still wasn't fixed (I tried but hubby needs to do it because the t.v. is too big and heavy) so I skipped it. So, I couldn't get myself to exercise the rest of the week just because I couldn't watch HGTV. Pitiful.

Then, Sunday night he fixed it, and I was up and treading Monday morning even though I had a fever! Ha! Thanks HGTV for entertainng me!

Also, Soup seems to be helping me a ton lately. I make soup out of what ever leftover I hav for lunch. I end up eating about 1/4th of the food that I normally would have if eating a leftover and it warms me up also in this chilly weather.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:34 pm

I'm gaining!!! Christmas eve and company come in 3 days and I'm gainng weight. I know that I've been failing as far as following rules go, but I had been maintaining compared to previous weeks. This is no longer true. I am 5 pounds over previous Fridays. Ug! I usually loose through the week and gain on the weekends, but right now it seems every darn day I eat like its a weekend and I'm gaining! The way I look at it, to reverse this I need to think of every day as a weekay. I do know what my current problem is... I seem to be eating way too many sweets when I fail. Actually more sweets than actual food. Ug.

So, I'm declaring a war on sweets! I will not have any sweets until Christmas eve when company comes.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:32 pm

Having serious troubles. It' s hard getting back on track after an almost week long binge. Ug!!!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sun Dec 30, 2012 5:04 pm

Make that 2 weeks. ugh

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:54 pm

I read this article:

Blithe Morning wrote: meta-study

... the historical (1895) woman profiled as a the picture of health. She was 5'7" and 171 lbs. She ate three meals every two days. No coffee, tea or candy but loved beefsteak.

I'm 5'7" and when I weighed 170 I didn't think I looked overweight, honestly, I am my own worst critic. I am large boned. I felt great! Too bad I thought that I "should" weigh 150 because that's what the charts said.

I thought I was fat because they told me I was. Maybe that should be my goal instead of 160. Hmmm...

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Jan 18, 2013 7:27 pm

The strangest thing happened today in my bible study. A woman whom I've never met was saying something about loosing weight on some plan (then I of course start listening) and I'm not sure what was said next but she laughed and said not unless you're Renee. I got goose bumps for some reason. Probably because I sometimes wish I knew someone in person to do this with. Not that you guys aren't people... hahaha

Anyway, I've been exercising faithfully since I bought my treadmill in what, October? I try for 5 days a week, but then have occasional forget days when I'm too busy or way too lazy. I know that if I start that less than 100% compliance, I start to slip. But I'm thinking 4 days a week is way better than my previous none. I don't even sweat anymore. I had to speed things up a bit. Hmmm... cool. I even add in an occasional jog during commercials.

Skip the incline. I hate hills unless they are going down.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Jan 22, 2013 5:59 pm

I'm doing fairly well, but wishing I could loose as fast as I gained during December.

So last night my mom calls around 9:30 in the evening of 1/21/13 and tells me that we all need to go outside and look straight up to see the moon and see Venus right beside it bright as can be. She told me that it won't happen again for 35 years and that when it happens again that we should all go see it remember her. As we talked on the phone, I trotted outside in my socks on the frozen cement and 5' below zero air to see it straight up as pretty as can be. I then tell everyone (including my 4 kids one of which is a daughter at college) and we all went out to see it. It was a bit surreal to think about everyone 35 years from now thinking back. It was more comforting to think of Mom and Dad at 106 and 107 of course, and fun to think of the kids, grand kids, and our youngest being about my age. So, when 2048 comes, I hope my 80-year-old-self will remember to look up to see it again, think of those I love, and thank God for the permanence of his beauty.

Jonas Jonasson · Post by **Jonas Jonasson** » Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:59 am

This is just so beautiful

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:21 am

I love this! Wish I had thought to look up in the sky last night, too!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:10 pm

So, as I was headed to the grocery store today my husband texts and tells me that the store has huge 18 pound bags of beautiful looking fresh oranges cheap and that I should get one. The thrifty side of me thought "yea" while the practical side of me thought "I'll be eating oranges till I turn putridly orange myself and I'll have to force the kids to do it too since I'm so thrifty". I put the heavy bag in my cart, then trunk, and as I carried it into the house thinking about how darn heavy that bag was, it hit me. I've lost way more than that bag! Cool. I tell others to do that, I guess I need to too. I'm probably at a huge bag of oranges and a few chickens.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:24 pm

I heard a quote that really applies to me...

Perfect practice makes perfect.

Yea, well duh me. If I spend less time practicing it perfectly, then I'm spending more time practicing it wrong! Doing something 100% of the time is easier than doing it 95% of the time. It takes away the "just this time" temptations. I need to try hard to remember that.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:20 pm

I'm having a very hard time getting on track again. Why? I look at the year I started here and think "duh... it should be obvious that this isn't working for you" but then I realize that if I'd kept all of those pounds off that I lost on NoS, I'd be at goal. (See page one here where I record it) I loose and gain in a viscious cycle. If I never went "off" the plan, I'd already be there!

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:51 pm

I understand how hard it is to get restarted. I have about 10 to lose and it keeps creeping back. i do wonder had i stayed on plan, would i be there? probably!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:26 pm

I can totally relate to how you feel - I feel the same frustration!
I guess we just have to keep keeping on, right? Hang in there!

SpiritSong · Post by **SpiritSong** » Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:44 pm

I did the same thing. Lost weight while on plan 2010-2011, then went off plan and ended 2012 right back where I started. Now my goal for 2013 is to get back where I was when I stopped. If I had stayed on plan, I'd have two and a half years of weight loss to celebrate now and who knows how far I may have come.

Since there is no going back, I just have to consider it a lesson learned and know that I need to follow No S for the rest of my life. At least we know it works, so there is our motivation.

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:35 pm

the hardest thing for me is that the only way i lost weight before was using a calorie tracker. but what ended up happening is i wanted to rebel from it. then i gained the weight back. i find that if i am really motivated and want to lose weight fast i can do the calorie tracker thing. but as soon as i start to go off track i hate it... i gain the weight, i become so obsessed with calories and eating the "right" foods... it makes me dread food and hate food and not want to think about it. that is no way to live! i think if i could really do NoS the right way, then that would be finally freedom from calorie counting! and i could still get the snacks and sweets, would just have to wait until an S day. no forbidden-ness! how great would that be

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:20 pm

Uhhhghhh, I know everyone, this gets so difficult at times. The one thing I learned this last year is that I need to give it 100% becasue its easier than giving it 95% because if I allow occasional oopses, then I debate the temptation that says "just this once". Perfect practice makes perfect. If I sometimes practice it right, and most of the time practice it wrong... then I'm practicing it wrong. I will learn it wrong.

I need to learn it right!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:37 pm

Well, I gained 10 during the holidays and I guess I'm still off track because I've gained another 4 or so since. Ug! I went back to check this thread to see what I was thinking a year ago in March when I jumped on track and stayed on track for a long enough time to loose 34 pounds. A lot happened all at the same time... I turned 45, my yearly physical told me that I'd hit an all-time high, my doctor gave me "the talk" about weight, and my son told me I was killing myself when he saw me justifiably eating a piece of my birthday cake with double the frosting. I wrote that I actually scraped the frosting off another cake and put it on mine because the frosting is all that matters and it was on way too thin. What I didn't write was that it was my second piece. Ahem... I'm being honest here. Anyway, I need to get back on track before any more damage is done.

I am going to reread what I wrote back in March and copy here to remind myself in hopes that it will help me get back on track:

I've come to realize that 5 good days and 2 sorta crazy days are way better long term for me than 7 fairly crazy ones...

This is a re-post from a while back that was a total eye opener for me and gave me a real boost:
Monday I issued a challenge to be green for the whole month of April. So yesterday, my last day of March, I thought I'd allow myself a couple innocent bites... Then last night when I stepped on the scale and saw that it actually went up a tad, I was mad! I thought that this diet isn't working even when I resist SO hard and have a 'good' day! Then after a while of slam-talking myself a voice inside said "well...you did snitch a bit!" So I decided to think hard and tally them up...then count the calories for my few bites. I was blown away!!! I thought I'd share. Keep in mind that I actually, honestly thought I had an N day!!!
280 cal. - 4 spoons of frosting while doing a cake for a potluck.
440 cal. - 3 distracted minutes of baked potato chips while packing lunch for my son.
560 cal. - 2 rhubarb oatmeal bars that weren't really that sweet - right?(I was on the run!)
125 cal. - snitched 1/2 C. chili to be sure the seasoning was right. (That would explain all of the spoons in the sink!)
180 cal. - snitched about a cup of coleslaw for the same reason(forks in the sink)
430 cal. - half seconds on supper (only halfs!!!!)
-----------
2015 total snitched calories yesterday! And I thougth it was an N day!!!

WOW! And I am not exagerating one bit! These are the best estimates that I could come up with because when I snitch I am only 1/4th aware that I'm doing it!!!

I read that the average bite is about 31 calories.

The words to "Voice of Truth" by casting crowns: (I heard it again this morning)
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I wrote this before one of my first successful weekends:
I actually went to bed early because I couldn't face temptation anymore. I was craving popcorn something fierce, slamming water and crocheting away (I haven't touched that afghan in over a year) when my dear dear husband sits down next to me with a big container of it! Ug! I could have screamed. Or maybe I did... I've blocked it out. I feel that this weekend is pivitol for me. I feel the need to at least prove to myself that a sane weekend is possible. If you have ever been addicted to something you know what I mean... that illogical pull that seems to be uncontrolable... it's there for me with food. I hate it. What's that hate the one/love the other verse??? I guess I've got that straight.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and actually thought "yea! Sday" and to me that meant a free-for-all when it comes to food. I quickly thought "no! I'm going to treat it as a normal n day with a tad bit of forgiveness." So, I'm doing well so far.

Wouldn't that be cool if I could mark it green for a voluntary N day??? Bah, false sense of security.

I wrote this and thought it was ironically hillarious: "I don't want to be the hare anymore ~ just a tutrle". I can't even type the word turtle correctly!

The more "on-track" I stay, the more "default" it becomes!

NoS means NoStruggle

I've lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks!!! I did everything short of breathing helium, but I saw it on the scale! Woohoo!

After rereading all of these I am very motivated. I need to follow my own advice. I am sitting here at my desk skipping lunch and sipping green tea while my stomach growls just to undo the damage of my pizza party yesterday (quick before I give it up for lent) because I gained again. That is not sane. That is not following the plan that I know works, and that will probably backfire anyway. So, I guess I'll go have a bit of lunch and try my best to finish the week solid green.

So, to further motivate myself, I've made another doctor appointment for the same week that I went last year. I want to be half way by the time I go for that appointment!
The funny thing is, I saw a commercial for Jenny this morning and a woman said that she lost about 20 pounds in 6 weeks. I was so impressed and thought that I really wish that I could do that too, but NoS goes slow. Then, I read here that I lost 20 in 6 weeks too! Ha! I guess I showed her! I want to do it again!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 3:33 pm

Well, the one thing that you do know for sure is that you definitely CAN do it!

And we'll all be rooting for you!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:21 pm

As I said, pizza is my biggest problem and so I gave it up for lent. Then wouldn't you know, Hy-Vee by us (that has the best fresh pizza, my favorite) had a fridge full of $2 pizzas with $1 instant coupons on them! They are normally $7-12 and I have 3 teens and a tween who eats like a horse. My Senior son and his big football buddies eat a ton. So, I see these pizzas and about cry. I am Mrs. thrifty and I can't pass up this good deal especially when I know they freeze great and I have lots of space in my freezer out in the garage. So, now I have my enemy in the freezer. About 20 of them. (They stack well.) HELP! This is going to be harder than I thought.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Fri Feb 15, 2013 8:01 am

Yikes!

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I gave up chips for Lent (the one food I have no power over) and I am sure my three teen boys will be having some at some point between now and Easter...I try to get them to choose flavors I don't like but that's doesn't always help. So when I have a bad moment, I'll think of you bravely resisting the stack of pizzas in your freezer, and if you have a bad moment, think of me resisting bowls of chips...

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:19 pm

we all have our something. for me it's chocolate. and it's too hard to not have it in my house. my husband and daughter love it and with valentine's day and easter i don't think it's getting any easier. the nice thing is i can have it, just on Sdays. So i keep saying this to myself! we can get past what we crave, we just have to practice making Ndays better. Like you said before, 5 good days and 2 kind of crazy ones is better than tryign to make yourself be perfect all the time. you can do it! sometimes you may have to go back to basics to retrain yourself. dont' be afraid to do that.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 1:24 pm

I'm continually in basic training.

I too also have a problem with chips, but I try to save them to eat with meals now. The problem is that I think they go with everything.

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:53 pm

I LOVE reading your posts reneew

And isn't it true about the 18 pound bag of oranges? I have a friend on WW who said she has only lost 15.8 pounds so far. I said, just picture yourself carrying around a 15lb bag of potatoes all day, all night, everywhere you went. Wouldn't you get weary of it?

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:56 pm

I know you can do it. It just takes time to retrain. i plan on doing NoS for a long time if it works for me. So far it is freeing my mind from all this diet thoughts and chatter. and that is what i need right now. i think it takes time to get used to the plan but you can do it! we all have weaknesses but remember we can have those things, we just have to delay it a bit.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 3:25 pm

I too think it takes time to get used to the plan, but my problem is impatience. I get sososo frustrated when I don't see results. When I do well for 3 days, then bad for one, I am back to where I was scraping for a foothold of a right mind. Either I seem to be on track or off track. And I take three steps forward and one huge equal one back. ug. I then try to go back and read what I wrote about when I was on track to regain the mentality I had at the time in hopes of getting it again. I know that the concept of doing it 100% was a big thing that I kept writing about each time I am successful. If only I didn't race off the track so far. I get scraped on the gravel every time.

Doing it 100% is easier than doing it 98%. Then sometimes I think that the Sdays are the entire problem. I intend on having an S sometimes, but end up having a free for all all weekend and then can't jump back on track when the weekend is over. Then I feel an almost panic frustration when I think of friends that have done this plan, lost and have been at goal this entire time while I still struggle. I fear they'll ask again if I'm still doing NoS.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:29 pm

I've been doing some thinking (uh oh) and I've decided to try something for a while. When I struggle with doing a plan, its usually because I don't believe in it whole heartedly at that moment. My mind tends to stray. So, I am going to try to eliminate the things that aren't working. I don't really even have a sweet tooth, but S days seem to be a free for all of desserts and sweets. I don't really even like ice cream or pie, yet I ate them all weekend because I could. So, I'm going to take out the "no sweets" and if they fit on my plate, its fine. Weekends are also my big de-railer, so I am going to do this new way of eating everyday, with only an occasional exception of special days. I need to get the habit and if I derail 2 days every weekend, then take a couple stray days to recover, I'm not practicing perfect, I'm practicing wrong which will lead to perfectly wrong ways of thinking and habit. I also want to incorporate waiting for hunger and stopping at full because I think it's stupid to continue to eat after I've hit full and to eat in the first place when my body doesn't need it yet. Another thing is that when I drink more water, I have more control, and I haven't been.

So, the plan for now is:
1 3 dishes of food 7 days a week
2 eat only when hungry
3 drink 8 glasses of water a day
4 exercise 30 minutes 5 days a week (m-f, sick days of 15 is fine)

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Tue Feb 19, 2013 8:08 pm

i see what you're saying but sometimes putting in mods too early can cause more problems and more guilty feelings over messing up. so even though i know my Sdays have been kind of wild, i know they will sort themselves out and i know that if i want to i can have stuff, but "dont be an idiot" for me just means don't stuff myself. i think if you just treat yourself nicely through this process and let Sdays be what they are (even if you intend on sticking to basically the same Nday structure) that will be the most beneficial. i know for me the guilt of messing up is what causes me to binge and eat out of control. if i can just enjoy occasional things (which may mean a few instances of overeating on Sdays) and not beat myself up, that is good progress for me.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:41 pm

I know what you mean but I started this in 2008 and am learning what does and doesn't work for me. Right at this moment... vanilla is not. I also have 55 pounds to go and do turn into an idiot on weekends. Logic flies out the window and I loose control. I'm giving this a try. It's what I was doing last fall when I was loosing. I've been slowly gaining since the new year. Ug

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Wed Feb 20, 2013 2:47 pm

well you have definitely given it a chance for 5 years! so if you feel like the mods won't make you rebel against it and do worse, go for it! i just know with me i can't be doing stuff like that too early or it undoes all my good work.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:10 pm

Just for the record in case I ever get lazy again...

I HATED exercise and started and restarted uncountable times over the years, but I bought a very nice (used) treadmill last fall. At first I couldn't wait to do my 30 minute walk on my new toy and was so sweaty I needed to shower, even with a fan blasting me. Then I went through the phase of having to MAKE myself walk every weekday even though it was a lot easier. I started to not sweat. I now just go on automatic and just do it with out excuses. I just wear whatever I have on because I don't really sweat much. I told my son to ask everyday if I'd walked or not. He seems to enjoy policing me and he has reminded me when I've "forgotten". It seems to be just a thing I do now. I walk on my treadmill for 30 minutes every weekday while watching HGTV. I had cable issues for a week or two and quit but restarted once it was fixed. Now I can even run/jog for a few intervals during commercials if I feel like it... and I do sometimes! I definitely have more energy and sleep better now. Who knew?

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:47 am

What a wonderful testimonial about your exercise. GREAT!

And...yes, I agree that the best way to change a habit is to replace it with another one. I should come home from work and jump on my exercise bike! That would be MUCH better than snacking!!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Feb 21, 2013 3:31 am

I'll be waiting to hear how that went! Believe me... if I can do it anyone can! I hate exercise. I just zone out while watching t.v. I don't get much time to watch and I love hgtv. Before I know it I'm done for the day. Once in a while I actually walk longer just because i want to see the end of a show!!!!!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:32 pm

I'm doing great since I started my mods! I also remembered that last fall I was eating soup made from leftovers every weekday. I loved it then and forgot. There is always something in the fridge to make a quick soup out of. I keep 3 flavors of bouillon and a homeade "cream of soup" mix ready to go. I calculated that I eat about 1/4-1/3 the actual food that I was when I just ate the leftovers! Some of my favorites are:

lasagna + beef broth or tomato juice or both
any hotdish + most any broth
most meats + most any veggie + any rice or pasta + any broth or cream soup mix (or any combination of these)

I just dump it all in my big handled soup bowl and microwave. I'd have to say that some of my very best soups have been made that way. Sometimes when I make a meal I've made extra just to make into soup the next day. Then my husband says "I hope you have an actual recipe for this" because he likes it so much. I never do of course. Last week I had made a terrible bean dish that everyone hated (new recipe) and told me to just give it to the dog. The next day I made it into a kind of spicy chilli and called it "rustic chilli" and they all loved it and told me to make it again. I just laughed.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:13 am

LOL! That is funny - I wish I could perform that kind of magic on dishes my family doesn't like - perhaps I'll give it a try!

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:42 am

Wow. Good for you! Not sure I could work that kind of magic on my leftovers either! I have a "Chicken bake" leftover in my fridge. It has chicken, stuffing and cream of mushroom soup in it. Not imagining a very good soup coming from that

Have a great day!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:53 pm

Haha. I'd toss off the stuffing if you could and toast to put on top, then the chicken and soup are a natural soup already, just add a bit of chicken broth. I bet anything it would be great!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:31 am

Well I failed my 21 day challenge. Twice. But I still want to do 21. Since my mods aren't even helping I will do vanilla. Shooting for 21. I will track here.

3/2 1 Sday. Yes, that was yesterday, but I had an unusually mild weekend so I'm counting it.

3/3 2 Sday.
3/4 3
3/5 4
3/6
3/7
3/8
3/9
3/10 daughter's birthday. Good thing it's on an S day
3/11
3/12
3/13
3/14
3/15
3/16
3/17 my birthday. Sad this one is on and S day, but I guess it's for the best.
3/18
3/19
3/20
3/21
3/22

I'm working on the habit

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:57 am

Come on, Renee, you can do it!

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:12 am

Fresh start. Mark it and move on! March is all about green and good luck right!

Happy March! You so have this!

ONWARD

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:24 pm

Thanks Amy and Zip! I woke up this morning feeling all pumped to go. After getting my fingers glued togther (my new gel nail polish... tricky activator), I started planning my week. Just 5 days to go and I will have cake for my daughter's birthday and be able to mark 2 free days! Then 5 more and another cake! Ha! The things I look forward to.

I really need to get back into the habit.

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Thu Mar 07, 2013 12:07 pm

Just checking in with ya! How's it going? Hope you are having a great week!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:41 pm

Been busy... bought those reeses eggs that I now remember gave me a problem last year. Hmmm... I love those things. PROBLEM!

I've been maintaining since the new year, mainly because I am only eatinging the NoS way about half of my N days and weekends are bad. Imagine how much I'd be loosing if I could just do this already!

I am going to try my best for perfect vanilla days for this and next week. Go me!
March
11

great day!
12

barely
13

I had to make 50 pounds of pork for church dinner and needed to taste it a lot (different roasters and such) so I traded my lunch for those tastes which weren't bad at all!
14
15
16

17

18
19
20
21
22

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:56 pm

Funny thing I noticed... my weight tends to go down when I follow NoS.

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:57 am

LOL!! Funny how that is!

ONWARD

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Mar 25, 2013 6:45 pm

Another thing I noticed... I start browsing other diets when I feel like I'm not loosing weight, and THEN I remember that I have to actually DO it for it to work. So, what makes me think that I'd be able to stick to counting calories anyway? I usually only make it 'til lunch time when I have to figure out my leftovers. Way too much work for a Monday... for example

So, lets stick to vanilla NoS and actually DO it!

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Tue Mar 26, 2013 12:30 am

Ah, reneew, you make me laugh.

It's like me with all my moisturizers (aka skin food) littering my bedroom and bathroom. What do you mean I have to apply them to my body for them to work?!?!?!?

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:55 am

Well, here I am after an other day of trying to count calories, a day of just listening to hunger, and a day of just eating supper only... NOT...

I'm ready to re re re re-commit to vanilla. It worked several times after long off-road trips and it will work again. I just need to do 21 (or even 7) to get myself going again. Here's to 7

April
4

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:34 pm

Why is it that I'll spend extra money on junky chips but won't splurge on fancy fruit? That question popped into my mind when I found cheap beautiful strawberries and bought a bunch... then looked at the fritos also in my cart. I never think twice buying junky chips, yet struggle with paying full price for out of season fruits. Hmmm... I may buy more fruits!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm

I'm very tired of the wishy-washy panic other-diet atempts lately which are out of pure frustration. With noS I am at least sane. If I don't feel like I'm loosing fast enough or am eating way too rich of foods and not loosing, then I will try to fill half of my plate with just fruits and veggies before I even dish up the "good stuff". So, I'm back and...
Today I officially start 21 days straight of vanilla noS... (again)

finallyfull · Post by **finallyfull** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:01 pm

Good luck!

I am thinking about your questioning why you spend money on junk but hesitate on fruits. I need to pay attention to the things I blow money on and ask myself this same question! For instance, I will splurge for popcorn at a movie -- a huge ripoff and ridiculously caloric, but I will skimp on the farmer's market because "I wish I could afford to eat so well." Self deception.

Similarly, I will gladly blow a half hour watching a show I don't like, but I think I'm "too busy" to spend 10 - 15 minutes making a salad or sauteeing veggies for my omlette.

It's all in what we tell ourselves. I think I've been telling myself alot of crap.

SpiritSong · Post by **SpiritSong** » Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:04 pm

finallyfull wrote:Good luck!

I am thinking about your questioning why you spend money on junk but hesitate on fruits. I need to pay attention to the things I blow money on and ask myself this same question! For instance, I will splurge for popcorn at a movie -- a huge ripoff and ridiculously caloric, but I will skimp on the farmer's market because "I wish I could afford to eat so well." Self deception.

Similarly, I will gladly blow a half hour watching a show I don't like, but I think I'm "too busy" to spend 10 - 15 minutes making a salad or sauteeing veggies for my omlette.

It's all in what we tell ourselves. I think I've been telling myself alot of crap.

Here's one of those posts I need to hang up somewhere. I have been thinking about similar things lately, mostly because I rarely cook. What bigger priority (for our time and money) is there other than our health (and the health of our family)?

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:46 pm

I'm doing a thread called "A fresh start for reneew and zippadee". It's really helping!

I've come to realize something. I had a fail day Thursday, but then made up for it on Sunday. I think that my recovery helped. Sometimes when I "fail" I feel like a failure and my motivation flies out the window. By being able to "recover" it, I hold myself accountable for those woopses, and can continue on. It's like a speenbump instead of hitting a brick wall. Red to me can seem like a wall. Hmm... I just keep living and learning. I used to "bank" days ahead also, and it generally worked for when I knew I'd have issues. Maybe I should start doing both of these. I think I need flexability while being held accountable for woopses.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue May 28, 2013 3:47 pm

I got terribly busy, but now graduation is over (sniff sniff) and I'm up again in weight. I paniced this morning and got out all of my diet books and junk planning on counting something but then realized that every time I do that I fail. Then I remembered (again, duh) that noS is really the only sane way and that I really do loose when I'm actually doing it! I'm also thinking about some mods...
Here's a list of my issues:

Weekends tend to de-rail me.

I'm not a huge sweets fan, but would like one if its thrown at me.

Summer quite often brings 3 day events and I'd like to work around them, but not take the entire days off as Sdays and I tend to do that.

banking sometimes works for me, and if I hold myself accountable, making up for fails also helps me.
So... here's my plan for now:

NoS 7 days a week with 5 S events per week. Here I go

Maybe I'll start a monthly challenge again... anyone interrested?

Jonas Jonasson · Post by **Jonas Jonasson** » Tue May 28, 2013 4:28 pm

Hi there, Renee, count me in

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Wed May 29, 2013 2:30 am

Sounds like a plan Renee! Count me in too!! We are out of school next Tuesday. YAY!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:11 pm

I have been doing NoS off and on for quite a while and seem to maintain on it long-term mainly because I tend to not actually do it all of the time. I seem to "do" it probably 2-3 days a week. Weekends de-rail me and then I have a hard time getting on track again, or I jump the tracks early in anticipation of it.

When I do loose (once 26 pounds and once 34 pounds) I was doing IF (I call it double good days). I read and re-read a book called The Diet Alternative by Diane Hampton. I love her book. I also try to wait for hunger and my favorite book on that right now is The Eden Diet. I have great success eating only one meal (dinner) a day but my problem I think, is that I tend to try to do it every day M-F. Than I fail and eat my frustrations. I don't think I've ever tried it for say, 2 days a week. Hmmm... I do thrive with rules if they are personally doable. I've been thinking on it way too long and I may just institute a Tuesday/Thursday one-meal-a-day rule. My biggest problem is the 2 S days. If only I had never seen the "except on days that strt with S" and had only seen "except sometimes on days that start with S". Anyway, I want to give this a set rule guideline and give it a try again! Thanks bssh for the reminder that it works for me!

I just started a challenge for a "perfect" month. I think I will just try for 1 meal on Tuesdays and Thursdays and if i "just" have my usual N day, I will still call it a success!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Jul 02, 2013 9:48 am

Renew, I know I'm repeating myself that it took me a good TWO YEARS of wild S days before their hold loosened on my. But I did white knuckle it most of the time to keep N days green or near-green(!). The cure for disorder is order! And it's taken me THREE YEARS to get to the point at which I feel I need to modify, possibly eating two meals on consistent days, to keep in line with hunger and satiety. But I reined them in first with three regular meals.

I gently say that what you are describing is just careening from side to side. As you've seen, eating one meal a day is NOT working if a few days later the pendulum swings. You greatly restrict and then jump the tracks. That is classic binge behavior. The non-hoopla eating disorder community, meaning the ones who aren't making wild promises of 12 weeks to freedom, emphasizes routine meals. I put my faith in routine, routine, routine. Bombard the system with routine. Convince it the food is coming like clockwork. Moderate amounts that let the body get hungry consistently. A routine of experiences of true hunger and wonderful satiety. Over time, those experiences became so much more enjoyable than the wild days' repercussions. It took way more time than I wanted it to, but I couldn't force it, apparently. And I finally just got sick of it. It still wasn't easy then. I spent many hours resentful of how much I wanted to eat on weekends even though I wasn't hungry,. I would overeat and feel crappy. I decided it was better to just tolerate the desire to eat when I wasn't hungry on weekends. I still resent that I feel desire but not hunger. It wasn't fun to just bite the bullet, but it was finally better than the alternative. I still don't love weekends but it isn't because I binge on them anymore.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:26 am

Oh I know. I really do. I am a bit compulsive and a bit insane over food. It isn't really normal for me yet I know. I've just had a really hard time actually getting myself to do it when I don't see results. I know I don't see the results because I'm not actually doing it all of the time. It's a catch 22 I hate it. Every time that I am successful I end up gaining again around Christmas and gain thereafter. Just starting to actually do it is the problem. I remember many times saying how easy it actually is when I gain the habit. Thanks for your wisdom. I think I'm going to go pray for patience patience and wisdom.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:37 am

If you can make the result you really want to be developing your ability to be
sensitive to hunger and satiety and to satisfy yourself with those three meals, whether that brings weight loss or not, I really believe that can be your turning point. If deep down, you're thinking that you aren't going to be able to eat enough to truly satisfy you, your inner resistance to limitation is going to stay strong.

But I had to actively pay attention to the fact that my meals really did satisfy me. It was and is usually my imagination that any more than I serve myself is actually going to make me feel better. But I couldn't FORCE that on myself. It came from experience, and the faith to pursue the process, including coming back from failures as quickly as possible. Before No S, recovery took weeks, months, or even years. After No S, the times spent down varied in length, but the trend is less and less time.

I really see now that falling off the wagon can actually lead to even stronger resolve as we get clear what the stakes are and that the sacrifices are smaller than NOT challenging the behavior.

This is it! And you have plenty of time to get ready to have a sane holiday eating season.

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 11:32 am

Hi Ladies!!

Reneew....we are on such the same realm right now. As you know, I too have been here for a long while and continue to struggle. Back and forth, back and forth. But, I WILL continue to fight. It's all a part of my process. The "failing" is part of my process in getting this right! My difficult time through the years has always been summertime and here we are.

Oolala...I appreciate your imput so very much on this board. I know I too really need to take the focus off the weight and put it on developing the habit!!

Thanks!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:02 pm

I find it very comforting and a bit funny that we 3 ladies started around the same time probably after reading the article. Yesterday I waited until supper to eat. I am able to do that very well. The scale made me so happy this morning that I tried again today, but couldn't make it past lunch. I guess that I really do need to keep my sanity and plug along for the goal of habit since food (or Satan which ever way you want to look at it) still has a super-human hold on me. Even when I'm not hungry in the least, food pulls me! Grrr... I sometimes think that by fasting until dinner is breaking that hold on me, but I'm wondering if it's really just over-stretching the rubber band of restraint and then it breaks later.

I am going to just try my best to do vanilla noS. I believe it works, I really do. It's just getting back into the habit again. Once I'm in the habit, it is easy! Almost boringly easy and I'm not tempted much. Here's to July!

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:25 pm

~reneew wrote:I've just had a really hard time actually getting myself to do it when I don't see results. I know I don't see the results because I'm not actually doing it all of the time. It's a catch 22 I hate it.

This. Exactly. This is exactly my problem. Thanks for putting it into words so elegantly. I wish you all the best on your quest for sanity

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 6:05 am

You may not ever see the outer results you want at this point, but the discomfort you feel over this issue is really worth the effort to get free. One thing I asked myself was did I want to be grappling with the same thing a year from then or for the rest of my life? Because it was clear that it wasn't likely going go away on its own.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 1:38 pm

oolala53 wrote:...coming back from failures as quickly as possible. Before No S, recovery took weeks, months, or even years. After No S, the times spent down varied in length, but the trend is less and less time.

I really see now that falling off the wagon can actually lead to even stronger resolve as we get clear what the stakes are and that the sacrifices are smaller than NOT challenging the behavior.

This is it! And you have plenty of time to get ready to have a sane holiday eating season.

Great wisdom... stick around, I need you! HAha. I keep going back to this, so I had to bring it back.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jul 04, 2013 3:24 pm

July 4th doesn't have to be wild to be celebrated. Do celebrate!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:17 pm

Haha. Oh I did and now I'm focusing on a quick recovery. I don't think I've ever had that as my main focus before. This is good.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sun Jul 28, 2013 3:48 pm

Well, I am now going to try 3 dishes a day (usually 2, but 1 emergency one is legal) but wait for hunger to have them. 7 days a week since weekends throw me for a loop. I am also going to try having just dinner 2 days a week. I know I'm doing a couple mods, but I feel I need to. 7 day NoS combined with natural eating with a bit of a fast.

No criticism please.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:05 pm

Go for it!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:45 pm

Well I tried for a week and I think I am just too busy to complicate my mind right now with all 4 kids home so I'm back to vanilla. It brings mental peace and long term it's better. Maybe I will start a challenge.... pondering the thought. Reminding my kids that I'm doing NoS is sometimes a help also. Haha. They become my police. At meal time I keep food on the counter and we all dish up there then go sit down. It helps me a ton. So when I remind my kids that I'm doing NoS they help by doing things like refusing to bring me seconds or not asking for dessert. Ha.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:07 pm

I missed the beginning of the month and therefore missed starting a challenge. Someone else did, which is probably good. Year after year of challenges with out too very much success brings a person down too.

So, I will record here...

August

1

That's why I am here. When I keep track, I do better.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:10 pm

I know I just said that I am going to go back to vanilla, but I think that I need to add a tiny mod... Sundays will be an earned thing. If I am a good girl all week, I can take my S day, if not, I didn't earn it and thus need to be more serious.

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Fri Aug 16, 2013 3:11 am

How ya doing? One day at a time

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:13 am

Just try not get into bargaining, meaning saying to yourself, "Oh, it's not so bad that I cheat on an N day because I'll just skip Sunday."

Now hang in there! Keep telling yourself that it's worth it to wait until the next meal to eat.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 3:53 pm

This is really the day that I started my fresh new start, but decided to bump to the next page.

Whatever helps.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 4:12 pm

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:45 pm

I really wish this would bump to another page since the top post on this one is the "successful me" right after meeting the goal which I still need to get to again. It's a constant reminder of my absence, thus failure.

Maybe I should just bump it until I am at another page for a fresh start!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:45 pm

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:45 pm

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:46 pm

bump again

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:46 pm

I really need a clean slate. So bumpity bump bump.

Everyday Systems

~ Reviving Renee ~

Hey