Tessytwinkle's check in

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:38 am

Hooray, had a swim this morning, felt 1 inch taller going in to work. I feel very strong all of a sudden. maybe needed to hit the bottom to be able to come up for some fresh air .
Hungry mid morning so had my soup and bread early, fruit snack or hot milk due at 4

Kat I am definitely a little nut!!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:10 am

Yay Tessy! Nothing like exercising first thing in the morning to make your day start out right! Hope you were able to catty that good feeling with you at least for a little while.

Linda

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:14 pm

So happy for you, Tess. Swimming is a great exercise. I hope you felt the healthy glow all day.
Have a great weekend. You nut!
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:55 pm

Hi there dear sisters of the sane. I am just checking in to say I am checking out - for a while. I have found daily accountability and reading my own and others posts just too stressful. I am not in a good space at all just now. So I need to bow out. Gather my resources and rethink where I am at. I do still think noS is the answer for me, 3 plates a day and one snack at fourish when working. But I am finding it all very hard to get right. I am uncomfortable posting and every night I just feel a bit grim. So I am dropping in to the noS shadows. I hope to reappear when I have exorcised my particular demons. I have a lifetime of pain, guilt and miserable eating to address and it will take time. If I succeed I shall post. I have been reading Hunger from Lori's thread and it is a very powerful insight for me, I a.m also reading Maiximum Willpower by Kelly McGonigal. This is also helpful. I will post when I feel stronger. In the meantime I wish you all, my dear sisters of the sane, a good peaceful 'normal' noS journey.
Tessy

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:08 pm

Miss Tessy:

Don't worry! You only have so many hours in the day, and I agree, it can be overwhelming and time consuming to go in, read other's posts, plus add yours. I, too, am feeling overwhelmed and haven't been visiting for a bit.

Come back when you have reached a little more calm...this place is to help, not cause us more stress.

We'll see you when we see you, and I'll return here to read your posts, too. : )

Hugs and good vibes,
Hipppy Dippy

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:10 pm

Totally understandable Tessy! Come back when/if you are ready!

Best of luck with everything.

Linda

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:46 am

Super understandable Tessy. I'm finding I just don't have as much time to devote to reading and writing here as I would like, good days or bad, and I get where you're coming from. Good luck with collecting yourself and finding your peace and path. I'm still cheering you on. <3

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:35 am

Good luck Tessy, hope to see you back soon x

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:42 am

Wishing you peace and success.
Kat

jw · Post by jw » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:50 pm

Take whatever time you need and come back when you are ready, Tessy! Best wishes!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:51 pm

(HUG).

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:02 pm

Hello dear NoSers. I have decided to start checking in again. Probably weekly. But whenever I feel the need in between.
I have had a funny 3-4 months out. I have been poorly with very painful joints. A long term issue. Plus the loss of a dear friend. Far more damaging to my physical health than I could have ever imagined. Anyway. I have now at last been diagnosed properly with a severe inflammatory arthritis. It is not curable and is progressive. So I need now to rethink my life and lifestyle. NoS has been a lifeline in this process. I need to balance my eating. Cut out certain foods and lose weight. I need to exercise as often as I can and keep my joints moving. I also need to manage my job but cut out stress. So a tall order. On top if this I need to take some powerful meds which may halt the progression and give me some quality time but can have bad side effects. So my life is changing. That is not a bad thing but it is a challenge and I am very grateful to have good doctors now that I trust and be able to receive good treatment. But much lies with me. So I cannot let my crazy food self undermine me. I need to be strong. Not strong controlling dieting strong. But life affirming and determined strong. If you know what I mean!! These are essential rules for me.
So since christmas I have been eating noS in the week. But also cutting down on bread and mainly eating porridge, soups, salads and veggies. At weekends I have one piece of nice cake and a sweet frothy milk drink each day as a treat. But generally in the spirit of noS I am not making myself miserable at weekends if I need more I have it. Just keeping steady. With so much physical pain and tiredness I have needed this plan so much.
Since Xmas I have lost 7 lbs. I seem to be losing a steady 1 lb a week. This is good for me.
Today I faltered badly. I have reached a scary point treatment wise and I lost my footing and ate really badly. I was frightened and sweet food has always calmed me (although of course this is a false impression. Soon exposed in the post binge despair). So this set back has encouraged me to shelter for a while in the gentle fold of this board where I have always cherished the support and wisdom of my fellow noS travellers. So here I am. 'Tomorrow is another day' as Scarlett O' Hara would say. I hope to keep making this work. To not fear when I stumble. But to commit to living my life well with good food but without food fear.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 8:18 pm

Hi Tessy!!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:04 am

Tessy--so happy to see you here!

Sorry to hear about your health issues but you sound like you have the right attitude. 7 lbs since Xmas is amazing!

Linda

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:54 am

Hi Tessy, really sorry to hear that but it's good to have you back, I remember your check in well.

Your attitude is fantastic, keep it up!

jw · Post by jw » Wed Feb 12, 2014 12:18 pm

Tessy, you're back! Looks like you did great No S-ing on your own -- congrats!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 2:40 pm

Sorry this is what has brought you back, but glad to think we can support you. Health conditions definitely trump the total freedom of what to eat on No S. Try not to think of it depriving you to limit sweets or whatever foods you need to but of your choices showering you with the benefits of moderation and calm. Like a partner in dance surrendering to the coupling for the beauty of the performance. And the coupling!

I am thinking there are some areas in my life in which I need to apply this thinking. Thank you for reminding me.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:29 am

Thank you for your kind welcome back dear friends. I feel at home. Auto, Linda, Eschano, JW, bless you for your kind words. Oolala you are so wise, yes now is the time to surrender to the dance - I love that idea. I need to change but in a loving life affirming way - thank you

Well yesterday was a failure. Ate copiously. So in contrast to the last two months. But I feel like something has changed for me so I am hanging on and setting myself a 21 day challenge. I need to stay clean. I have one mod. A snack at 4 ish as my working day is so long. But here goes.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 9:57 pm

Not a pure day but a more settled one
Porridge soya milk nectarine
Home made lentil soup and apple
Baked salmon and oven baked ratatouille
Dinner was late so nibbled olives and a small bit of cheese. Not wise. Not vanilla but calmer than yesterday.
Looking After Myself LAM - lovely bath.
I realise home made lentil soup is so evocative. So comforting. Transports me back to childhood arriving late at my grannys on the train. Granny getting a cup and ladling out some soup. Warm. Comforting. Safe. Food is so much more than we can even begin to imagine. No wonder when it goes wrong for us we are in big trouble. I am coming back to loving my food. After a long period of hating and fearing it. Magic!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 1:55 am

So glad you're enjoying your food, Tessy! Good food is one of life's many joyous sensations.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:54 am

What a lovely post Tessy! So happy to see you getting away from perfectionist thinking as well. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Linda

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 10:38 am

I love that you're doing LAM! YEAH us

jw · Post by jw » Fri Feb 14, 2014 12:09 pm

You seem to be in a very good place, Tessy! Check out our Soup Thread 2014 on the main page when you get a chance -- somebody just posted a lentil soup, and also a Brazilian black bean soup that sounds great!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 9:12 pm

A wibbly wobbly day today. Started some new medical treatment a major decision as they are very strong, needed to commit to the process, so just never really felt focused on noS. Bit out of my head and disrupted. So decided to call this an S day and have another tomorrow then try to get back on track Sunday and have a 6 day vanilla noS week. I feel ok about this, one thing very instrumental in my inflammatory arthritis is stress, so alongside taking drugs I need also to change my approach to life, eat well, be more mellow.

Looking after myself (LAM) - did no work all day. Just went to and from doctors starting treatment and making iced valentine heart biscuits. Yummy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 6:33 am

Oh dear did my weekly weigh in and have put on two pounds. But I knew this was coming as I have been overwrought by my illness, pain and now diagnosis. Funny thing is I feel very calm. This is why I came back into the public boards to make myself accountable. I know noS is the answer for me. I have to lose weight joints wise and eat really well. This week has been the old me, but I need to love her and leave her now and welcome in the new me, the one who is going to make life safer and less painful. Moderate eating, joyful, nutritious eating is what is required. No unnecessary stress and plenty of exercise. I think I needed to put on weight really to refocus myself - quirky!!

chani8 · Post by **chani8** » Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:48 am

Hi Tessy, I joined sometime while you were taking a break from here. Glad you came back, as these boards are just so supportive. Support is the key, if you ask me.

I am having issues with my health as well, and I could really relate to this comment of yours, as this is where I'm at, too: "Moderate eating, joyful, nutritious eating is what is required. No unnecessary stress and plenty of exercise."

Wishing you much healing.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:06 am

Hi Tessy, great that you are looking after yourself! I'm not sure a 6 day N week is necessary. I'm not a big fan of making up for S days, just have a tame one but see what works for you!

You have a wonderful attitude, inspiring!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:13 am

Chani8 thanks for dropping by, hope your health improves. It is all very hard work when you feel under par.
Eschano you are right of course, so I did not try for 6 N days, just had a normal but more moderate S day.
Keeping a record is hard for me at the moment as so exhausted by the end of the day!
Yesterday
Oatmeal, soya drink
Home made lentil soup, fruits and tomatoes and raw carrot, some macadamia nuts
Dinner - cheese and onion quiche , Calabrese. Sugar free jam on a teaspoon, energy was so low after work. I was desperate. But I figure two teaspoons of sugar free jam is ok.
Looking after myself - shut my door at work, lay down and slept for 15 mins. Between seeing students. Cheeky huh.

Was in bed asleep by 8.30 last night. At the moment just setting of for work at 7 am in dark and rain and coming home for 7 am in dark and rain is exhausting. Trying to swim before work. But it is all a bit uphill. But I need to keep plugging away. My health situation is not going to resolve so I need to deal with a certain background level of pain and tiredness, getting fitter, eating well and getting down to a better weight will all help. But each of these takes time to establish and at times tiring in their own right. I just need to keep going. I do not want to give up my work, if I do my life will just revolve around my health, unhealthy in its own way

plus I need the money !! I am really still adjusting to a longer term condition, both mentally and physically. it will settle I am sure.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:28 am

Tessy, I really enjoy your posts. You seem to have such insight into yourself. You are right, it definitely will get harder before it gets easier, but the only way to come out the other side is through so hang in there.

Linda

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:40 am

Hi Tessy, ah, a good nap can do wonders! I don't think it's cheeky at all, in fact, I think we would all be better people in the afternoon if allowed to nap regularly

When my uncle had a prolongued health-issue my aunt kept telling him: Always remember that you HAVE a health-issue and not you ARE your health-issue. So instead of thinking he is diabetic, he thought he had diabetes. A big difference and it seemed to help him a lot in managing it. Just in case that helps.

jw · Post by jw » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:31 am

Let me also speak in praise of naps and early bedtimes! Nothing is better than sleep when you need it, Tessie. I am glad you are doing what you need to do to keep going under trying circumstances. Your attitude is wonderful these days!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Feb 18, 2014 9:55 pm

Thank you for your kind support and understanding dear friends.
Today was a bit of a nonS event really. I seeM to be slipping from my resolve. I think it is because I am soooooo tired. I am good for nothing when I get home from work. Eating too much at work. But I have not eaten badly. Just too much. It is hard when you feel so exhausted not to eat to boost your energy. Try again tomorrow. This is just a period of adjustment to the first phase of my treatment. It will pass I am sure. Sensible food planned for tomorrow. On how I wish it was hot and sunny, good for my joints and good for my appetite. Cold and wet makes you eat starchy food. Well that's my excuse anyway.
Looking after myself - LAM - another surreptitious afternoon nap - bliss

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 9:16 pm

Bit better day. I realise I am doing my breakfast all wrong. I am getting to work. Then swimming then having porridge. This means I get very hungry plus I can't take my medication until I have a full tummy. So I easily get too tired and in pain. So have decided to have good breakfast before I set off to work and swim. Hopefully will not get so exhausted and hungry.
Today
Eggs on home made granary bread. Soya drink
Lentil soup, nectarine. Blue berries and packet salted popcorn
Mixed vegetables. Brown rice. Yoghurt and cashew nuts.

Looking after myself - LAM - arranged to work at home more when I can.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Feb 20, 2014 4:04 am

Looks like a great day Tessy! I tend to be pretty hungry first thing in the morning so eat before exercising as well. Seems to work well for me.

Working from home when you can seems like a great idea.

Keep up the good work.

Linda

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:52 am

Good morning Tessy! Thanks for the encouragement on my thread. You are doing great! Keep on keepin' on. I hope the earlier breakfast helps!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:27 pm

So glad to "see" you! I am sorry to hear about your pain/health issues, but it looks like you're on the right track! So awesome you're doing the swimming!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:28 pm

Thanks for all the encouragement, good to hear from you Zippadee and Tobiasmum. Linda thanks for keeping an eye out for me

Not been brilliant last few days. Too much snacking. I seem to be going a bit haywire and losing my control. But I am determined. It is the weekend tomorrow, hooray

so I am going to relax, enjoy my food and start again to keep my snacking under control next week. Funny how one date can lead to three, one piece of sweet ginger can mean half a bag full. Just goes to show I should be very determined not to snack at all, there is no such thing at the moment for me as moderate snacking, there is only mad snacking......
'Come on Tessy get a grip your body needs you on the front line not with your head in the biscuit tin'
Chastened but not defeated, I'm off to start again

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:22 pm

Hi Tessy,
I'm the same with snacking- no moderation there. But: hooray for a new week!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:20 pm

Thank you eschano. Your kind words have lifted my spirits. I am not alone. Today is a bad fail. I was just too freaked out about my illness and trying to accept that I will not get better. I will need to continue treatment for my life and hope I can halt all the damage in my joints. My inflammation in my body is so high. So what do I do? Eat loads of sugar ( highly inflamatory!!! ). Sometimes I feel like I have a death wish or something. So crazy. So Counter to everything I need to do and be. I actually think each time I have sugar it is like a drink to an alcoholic. But I want to be moderate not cut something out altogether. But it has to work for me and I have had a good spell since Xmas I need to recapture that spirit and stop being so scared. Tomorrow I must be back here green and clean. Come on Tessy get a grip!
Looking After Myself (LAM) forgiveness. I will be ok. No need to beat myself up about this. Just try again tomorrow

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:09 am

Hi Tessy, thanks for your encouragement on my thread. It really meant a lot to me.
I really hope you can find something that works for you to have green days. I know that your situation is particularly challenging, what with health problems and job stresses and years of sugar-habits ingrained as your go-to stress reliever. I can't give you the magic answer, but I feel like somehow the answer lies in your being as gracious to yourself as you are to all of us!
I appreciate your presence on these boards, I sure missed you when you were gone!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:55 am

It's early morning. I have woken up with a plan in mind

I am going to eat porridge no sugar for breakfast and make soup for every lunch at work plus veggy sticks. Then an afternoon mod of fruit and nuts. Dinner will be my only real engagement with what to eat thoughts. I realise I need to replace mindless snacking or mindless sugar chomping with mindless noS eating. This way in the week I can only eat what I have with me, I can trust it is nutritious and tasty. But I have removed myself from choices and possibilities. Food has to step aside and not dominate my thoughts so much. I also need to put aside my health fears and challenges and focus not on what I can't do but on what I can

basic ideas. Nothing earth shattering. But a possible week day blue print. Let's see how today goes.
Dear automated thank you so much for your kind words. In the dark and rather desperate hours of last night they lifted and encouraged me. Thank you.

chani8 · Post by **chani8** » Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:34 am

Sounds like a great plan, Tessy, and a very nice menu. Gotta love those soups. lol

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:43 pm

Your plan sounds like my original idea when I joined NoS: I hoped to someday have "automated meals" for breakfast and lunches. My Dad eats the SAME thing every morning and lunch: oatmeal with nuts, fruit, cream and coffee with milk and sugar; then for lunch he eats a veggie burrito at Taco Time. He cuts half the tortilla off (he does this automatically and I bet he doesn't even realize he's doing it anymore). He gets his free coffee with cream and sugar. Then dinner is whatever they're growing or have bought, and then he has a small bowl of ice cream after dinner. Same thing. Weekday after weekday, decade after decade. On the weekends he has bacon and eggs for breakfast and his lunch is the big meal of the day.

So, all that to say--I am a huge fan of the simple, automatic menu when it comes to developing eating habits. People can still have an outlet for their creative cooking at dinner and on the weekends.

Have a great day!

jw · Post by jw » Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:35 pm

"I am a huge fan of the simple, automatic menu when it comes to developing eating habits."

Well said, auto -- I took inspiration from you on that, too, when I started the weekly soup lunch! Tessy, if it's already made and waiting for you, it's much less likely that you'll veer off into dangerous territory.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:43 pm

Phew. At last a green day. Haven't seen one of those for a while!
Breakfast: Porridge and apple
Lunch: Home made mixed veg and butter bean soup, raw veggy sticks
Afternoon Mod: Grapes and almonds
Dinner: Smoked tofu, chargrilled Calabrese ,toasted hazel nuts, garlic and chilli, sounds odd. Tasted yummy! Plus 2 dates.

Thanks for reminding me how you started off automated. Your dad sounds just like mine!! Regular, steady, automatic.
I just know that the less I think about food the better. Breakfast is now pretty much set as porridge for week days, soup mostly for lunch, although need a sandwich sometimes. Today I feel like I might even have a 21 day challenge in me

LAM - a lovely swim where I forgot my painful body and just enjoyed being weightless and relaxed. Yum.

snapdragon · Post by **snapdragon** » Wed Feb 26, 2014 12:46 am

Hi there Tessy!
Been reading through your thread, you are an inspiration! So sorry for your loss of a friend and your illness so much to deal with. My little girl's friends mom passed away a few weeks ago. How draining it is to mourn! I feel extra sensitive to that pain at the moment. I hope you get relief for your pain. I thing your doing great.
Reading your thread makes me miss swimming!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Feb 26, 2014 4:56 am

Yay so happy for ya Tessy! You're meals look really satisfying today! Big plates were the key for me in the beginning and once the habit was established I was able to go back to normal portions. I know you know all this already though.

You got this!

Linda

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Wed Feb 26, 2014 10:53 am

Doing really well on LAM Tessy. That swim sounds amazing.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Feb 27, 2014 6:56 am

Thank you for your kind words dear friends. Yesterday was not really a green noS day according to the rules. It was very very hectic for me. Lot of teaching. Meetings and open day events. Plus right in the middle of the day a rush off up to the hospital for more tests. So physically and emotionally exhausting. By the end of the day I felt overwrought and very tired. Not good for keeping down stress one of my main health aims - sigh..... But although I just grabbed food where and when I could. I did not overeat, binge or eat sugar. Just ate what I had with me. And had a sensible dinner when I got home. So a small triumph in a way. An all day virtual buffet

today should be better.
Food yesterday
Breakfast nut butter and yeast extract sandwich. Then through the day. Cheese, grapes, nectarine, almonds, rye crackers, dried apricots, ( funny when I write this down it does not seem so bad, but during the day felt out of control. Clearly the steady one plate and a snack in the day at work are essential to keep me feeling balanced).
Dinner salmon and sweetcorn, cup of home made lentil and watercress soup. 2 dates
I need to watch my dried fruit consumption it is starting to creep up.
LAM - nothing yesterday and I missed it. Realise this is really important. Even if I had walked out of my office for 15 mins in the ( rare at the moment) spring sun it would have been a treat. Still lesson learned on many fronts yesterday. So it's all good really.

chani8 · Post by **chani8** » Thu Feb 27, 2014 9:44 am

Sounds like you made good choices at the buffet

yesterday despite the circumstances. I agree that three meals are much more stabilizing. Hope you get time for LAM today.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:15 pm

Hi, Tessy! I know today will go better for you! In the past, keeping a day like yesterday would have been hard for you even without the extra teaching and appointment stresses. Look how well you did! No sugar! Yay!

And today is Thursday! Just a couple more days until S days are here!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Feb 27, 2014 9:54 pm

Thank you Chani and automated for your wise words, yes I did better than I would have done in the past tis true

Today again very busy indeed. I hate these busy days they make me tired and out of balance I really need to try and reduce the pressure I am under. But still the moment I am just hanging on. Food wise. Not too bad.
Breakfast: porridge no sugar ( who would ever believe I could eat and enjoy porridge with no sugar. Just soya milk. Amazing really!!)
Lunch: smoked tofu roast slices, herby omelette. Salad, banana
Dinner: cheese, grapes, almonds, black currant fruit pulp roll no added sugar.
Soya milk with 2 tsps home made vanilla sugar.

I feel like I am back on course. But tiredness getting to me a bit. Did not have time for LAM so not good enough.

I think I struggle to remember LAM and therefore do not know what to do anyway sigh....... Will give this some thought.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Feb 28, 2014 2:10 am

Tessy, you are eating really well! You had another green day! This is special, feel good about yourself. Take a deep breath, find a way to have LAM tomorrow. Oooooooooh, I have an idea: get a massage this weekend!!!!

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:30 am

I think what I'm learning for myself with LAM is that the trick is to plan it. It's like NoS where you plan your meals in advance, you want to plan your LAM in advance, even if it's just 30min of nothing (scheduled for naps or baths or whatever you spontaneously want). If you are really busy: Linda was right: just breathe purposefully for a couple of minutes. That's LAM too. I will publish a list on my thread that I will continue editing of what works for me as LAM and we can inspire each other

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Feb 28, 2014 3:29 pm

Tessy! Despite your crazy day, you did not "binge, eat sugar, or overeat"! If that's not taking care of yourself I don't know what is.

I think that's what clicked for me when I started nos this time. I am not doing NoS for anyone but me so there's nobody to rebel against. There's no reason to break the rules because this isn't like the old self-punishing diets. Nos is coming from a positive place. It's about self-care. For me it's about forming a habit that gives me healthy, moderate & sustainable eating habits.

This allows me to accept my body wherever nature intends it to be and frees my mind for more important pursuits. So remember Tessy, you're doing this for you and you're SO worth it!!!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Feb 28, 2014 10:38 pm

A terrible day. It's been coming a while. Tonight I feel dreadful. Very upset, fat, in tummy discomfort and in some despair. I must mark and move on. But boy it felt so grim, so unstoppable. So like the old me that it was frightening. I must believe that I am changing, but it is so hard in the face of today's evidence. Scary. It was so stressful at work today. I felt like leaving. Walking out. Enjoying the rest of my life. Looking after my poor joints and living on very little. Something has got to change. It is probably me

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 12:27 am

Sorry Tessy! Don't despair. If you can do 1 green day, there's no reason you can't do a thousand.

I can remember feeling very stressed out when my kids were young though and snacking quite a bit. The comfort of eating was just too great at that time and I don't think there's anyway I could have stuck to NoS.

Is there any possibility of changing jobs or doing tutoring from your home or anything at all? I just don't think anyone should be feeling this much stress on a daily basis especially with your current health issues.

*big hugs*

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:30 am

Thank you for your understanding Linda. I have looked in to leaving but realistically I cannot. No, what I need to do is manage my stress better. I know what triggered it off and will watch for it in the future now. I cannot sleep as ate too much and now paying for it with bad tummy. Aaaaargh what a way for a grown woman to be

Anyhoo. Time to recommit
3 plates a day, I mod fruit snack at 4ish on N days. Swim or walk everyday. Even if only for 15 mins. Look After Myself (LAM) :)I've a long night ahead so as the wonderfully wise Eschano recommended I shall plan some LAMs
1. Little nap at work
2. Lovely swim
3. Walk in woods
4. Read for pleasure
5. Daydream
Tomorrow is the start of the march challenge. I have never done one but I am determined to try it. I want to surprise and amaze myself. I want to be steady, moderate and wise in my eating. I need to do this to stay as well as I can. So onward we go

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 2:47 pm

Hi Tessy. Just stopping by to wish you a great weekend. Keep on keepin' on, Miss Tessy. Your LAMs sound divine.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 7:15 am

Phew a really settled S Saturday. Just right to follow fridays desperate binge and a good start to my monthly challenge. I have never tried monthly challenge before. Usually struggling with a weekly or even daily challenge

but after Friday Saturday felt like a reprieve, I have another chance. I realised even at my lowest on Friday I did not break my most important rule and binge on sweets. So, better than I though and it all felt so wrong, so I am longing to return to my plans. Anyway here's to my monthly challenge

Saturday
Frothy soya milk
Fried mushroom, fried egg and fried bread
Tomato and lettuce sandwich on home made bread
Grapes and home made blueberry and apple pizza.
A bit veggie light but hey it was Saturday!!
LAM - afternoon snooze

Further thoughts
I have started to log my food on S days because I feel uncomfortable with them, increasingly what I like, need and want is habit and moderation. So for me the noS days are clear but my S days are at times more problematic. I am not controlling what I eat on S days. More just asking myself whether I really want what is on offer, and did I enjoy it after I had it. In a way. I can only do this on weekends as there are no rules and so it does not agitate my deprivation centre in my brain. Like ZippaDee I have started questioning myself so much more. Did I really enjoy that!? For me cake, often so longed for, is not as special as I imagined. Sometimes I think I eat it just cos I can!

So my S days are coming under more scrutiny. Not to deprive myself. But rather work out how I want to be and what is a lovely treat as opposed to what can I gobble down just because I can. It is at weekends I feel the battle for my food soul is being waged ! But in a good and insightful way.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 2:54 pm

Tessy, you sound really good.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 5:33 pm

I occasionally consider logging my food on S days. Haven't done it yet, but it's not out of the question. Certainly preferable to limiting calories or intake.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 11:23 pm

Quiet Sunday
Breakfast: Blueberry and apple pizza and soya frothy drink with sugar
Lunch: Cheese on toast
Nibbles, Grapes, olives, crystallised ginger
Dinner : imam ,byaldi ( stuffed aubergine) and salad
LAM: went in my garden, spring is coming, even though been sooooo wet, I can see new shoots and everything is coming alive, so exciting

Next week I must be green each day for my march challenge, the soup is made, I am prepared. Bring it on

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 11:40 pm

Here's to a fantastic week, Tessy!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:27 pm

Good day. Although I am getting very tired at the moment.
Breakfast : porridge no sugar soya milk
Lunch: home made lentil soup and winter salad with carrots, apple, cabbage, celery, watercress, walnuts and raisins. Mayonnaise Nectarine
Mod : dried apple rings
Dinner: salmon, broccoli, carrots, spoon of mashed potato, some grapes

LAM: lovely morning swim and lie outside in hot tub gazing at the tree tops yum

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:20 am

Sounds like a great well-balanced day. You guys are inspiring me with your LAMS. I think I might try adding that to my thread as well.

Hope you get some rest Tessy.

Linda

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:47 am

Great LAM Tessy!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:27 pm

Thanks for dropping by and encouraging me. It is all I can do to post at the moment. Soooo tired.
Breakfast: porridge no sugar and soya milk. Hard to get through today bit like wallpaper glue!
Lunch: winter salad walnuts and raisins. Apple, pineapple.
Mod: dried apple rings
Dinner: crispy duchesse potatoes, fried egg and cabbage
Special S event. It's pancake day here in England. So had two pancakes with little bit of vanilla sugar. They were the nicest pancakes I have ever had

No doubt about it no sugar makes the odd treat very yummy!!

LAM: lovely swim. Although I am tired so go very slowly!
Feeling nauseous now but I think it's the new painkillers. Need to sleep ASAP. New day tomorrow

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:15 am

Tessy, some days I walk SO slowly. I have to laugh. But I've learned to just go with it. Some days I feel like going fast, and that's fine too.

It actually gives me insight into my overall energy level and state of being to watch how my feet decide to move each day.

So, if you need to swim slow, great! That's LAM for sure!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:34 am

Sounds like a great day Tessy! I do the same thing as you both depending upon my energy level I will sometimes take it really easy on the rowing machine and other times am up for pushing myself. Both are great, the point is just to move our bodies a bit each day.

You're making me want to swim Tessy! Can't wait till it's warm enough!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:05 pm

A green day. Oatmeal soya milk,
Lunch: winter salad ,walnuts, nectarine , grapes
Mod: dried apple rings
Dinner home made lentil soup, home made olive bread. Soya drink.
LAM: 15 mins nap in my room. Bliss
Crazy day. Very busy open day lots new students to see. Teaching went well. But I really noticed my back aching today when I was teaching. Tiresome

Thanks for dropping by automated. You always understand where I am at

Linda wise advice as ever, yes I need to move my body a bit each day. Hope it's soon warm enough for your swimming, it is so lovely to swim

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 9:05 am

Your food sounds delicious Tessy. It's funny how much a nap can sort us out - for me it might make all the difference in my mood for the rest of the day.

Try doing that "cool teacher" move and stand in front of your desk, leaning on it - might help the back.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:02 pm

Onwards!

BTW, are you 5' 7"?

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 7:18 pm

Oh dear a terrible day. Not quite sure what happened but now in a runaway munching mode aaaaargh

Yes oolalala I am 5'7. And another inch wider no doubt after today.
Please distract me from my self and let me know why my height is of interest

Yes Eschano my food can be delicious. On a day like today I am not sure that is a good thing

Still there's always tomorrow. But I am infuriated with myself for blowing today and spoiling my first ever go at a monthly challenge. I am clearly just not ready yet. Grrrrrrrrrrr
On reflection I think I started off badly today. Did not have my oatmeal as it had become a bit boring for me. So had rice cakes and nut butter. Not enough to calm the savage beast within I suspect.
DNLAM - did not look after myself

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:24 pm

Don't let this defeat you Tessy. It's just one day. Really I think for some of us perfectionists it's better to not focus too much on monthly challenges or 21 day stretches or even in terms of red & green at first. For some of us the black & white thinking might be too derailing.

Shades of grey might be better. Or maybe just giving ourselves a grade on a scale of 1-10 each day. If at the end of the week we have at least 35 pts we can considered ourselves passed for the week. Next week we can try for a few more points. That way when we find ourselves taking a few extra nibbles during the day, we can tell ourselves that the day can still be salvaged with an 8 or 9 instead of throwing it all away because the day is already ruined.

I'm just throwing ideas out there but just try to remember what you want from NoS instead of wether or not it's a green or red day. The spirit of NoS is whats important and however we choose to interpret that is up to us.

Sorry to go on so long (I tend to do that!) and I may be way off base. I just hate to hear you sound so defeated and hard on yourself.

Tomorrow will be better!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:37 pm

Bless you Linda you are very wise. I am too hard on myself sometimes but other times like today I wish I was firmer. I have a sick body that needs care and yet here I am stuffing down rubbish food. I've done this all my life but really there is no time for this now. I need to lose weight. Slowly but steadily and I am not going to achieve that with days like today. I know no S is so good for me and it is working. So yes tomorrow will be better.

Thank you for caring. Means a lot

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 1:50 am

I think Linda is right on. It's like the goal becomes the streak of ____ days or something, when really we are in this for the L........O..........N...........G haul. Shades of gray, isn't that a sexy book that's out these days?

I do think a red/green day is subjective. As I reflect on my months of NoS, I know there were a couple of days when I picked a blackberry on a trail and ate it, or put a bite of something in my mouth..... I didn't count those as red days. Also, I have been using cough drops a lot since my cold, and I don't worry about those (and it only recently even dawned on me that they are caloric). Anyway, it's all about grace.

Don't worry about "ruining" your challenge. Just work one day at a time, one meal at a time, if necessary. With NoS, success is just one meal away!

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:40 am

I agree with Linda and auto. And you can still do LAM: forgive yourself

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 11:56 am

Habits are reinforced when they are practiced. Berating yourself after overeating is a habit, likely paired now with the overeating. To break a habit, it works to interrupt it at any point in the trajectory. So, marking it and moving on without the berating (which has never worked in the past, right? Or seldom) is actually more likely to erase the overeating because you are not reinforcing the entire pattern.

It may be true that you have to be tough but it works only when you are tough BEFORE you eat, not after. And avoid being really mean about it. Start pairing the thoughts and urges to eat with the thought, "NOW is the time I have to show effort, not after I've reinforced my withdrawal symptoms. I deserve to make new habits. My health is worth it! and I'll be very glad in an hour that I didn't overeat."

I'm big into conscious thought in the tough times.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 12:09 pm

Brilliant advice oolala! As always

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:28 pm

I just like knowing how tall people are in relation to their weight. I'm also often curious about their age because I know of a site at which you can see how your weight compares with others of your age and height. but that can be hard on those who are not meant to be very thin. I mean, someone had to be heavier than most others! Also, the site has a place at which you can find out what your peers think they should weigh. I find that one really frustrating because women have such high expectations of how low their weight should be. Most aren't happy until they are skinnier than 94-98% of their peers. Thank you, Hollywood and Madison Avenue!

When I set out, I wasn't aiming for weight loss, but I thought in the back of my mind that I might drift down to my highest normal BMI or even lower, since I had been there when I was a teen and not eating well. In the meantime, I shrank an inch, so my BMI isn't as low as I thought it MIGHT be. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being lighter but I'm not willing to do anything else consistently for it, so what's the use of thinking about it much? I consider those thoughts just the normal human pasttime.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:41 pm

For instance, at my age and height, women have to weigh 17 lbs. less than I do to be satisfied with their weight . If I weighed that much, I would be thinner than 94% of my peers.

Interestingly, it's estimated that fashion models are thinner than 94% of their peers. And of course, younger people have even thinner (and are generally thinner, too. But they still have that satisfaction gap.) 30 year-old women of my height want to weigh 25 lbs. less than I weigh before they're satisfied. But they are happy being thinner than only 87% of others! Thank goodness.

I haven't weighed that little since I was 12 years old. My BMI would be 20.

And when I was age 12, at that BMI of 20, a doctor told my mother I should lose 10 lbs. But I can't blame it all on that.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 8:54 pm

Thank you thank you wonderful noS sisters. Your wise words comfort and encourage me. I will certainly try not to be so hard on myself in future. Actually I had a revelation about my progress so far. I have started weighing myself a couple of times a week. Previously I have tried not to weight at all. But as I am gently losing weight it is encouraging me. But the most brilliant thing is that when I fail badly - or so it seems to me - I do not immediately put several pounds of weight back on. And I can see that is so on the scales. which encourages me to get back on track. I have also found that writing down my food shows me that I am actually usually eating well now. I am in my own small way proud of myself. Bingeing is not my default anymore noS is. And I never felt I would say that

Today was a good day. Back to my steady eating. Such a relief.
Breakfast: oatmeal. With banana. Cinamon and soya milk.
Lunch. Cheese salad. Fruit berry juice. Very Small peice marzipan
Snack. Half apple
Dinner jacket potato.
LAM : stopped and had a snooze in the car on my way to picking up my grandaughter for a sleepover. I need all the rest I can get as she is delightful and high maintenance. Spent the evening playing pirates and singing songs. Children live in the moment it is such good energy to be around.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:48 pm

What a wonderful day you have had! Great choices and great playing games with your granddaughter! I'll have mine at the door and ready for you in 10 minutes.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Mar 08, 2014 5:40 am

Yay Tessy! Sounds like a great day and a great attitude.

I love the distinction oolala made about being tough on yourself between during the moment of temptation and after you've already given in to it. One is productive & one is destructive.

Have a great weekend!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Mar 08, 2014 10:14 pm

Lovely exhausting day with my granddaughter. We made cakes together, went swimming and played in the park. But it was tiring. I keep thinking I will wake up one day soon restored, without pain and not exhausted. But I guess it is not to be. This disease is here to stay. So I must adapt to the levels of energy I do have. But it is hard. Still I feel like I made the most of every minute today and it worth it.
Breakfast: oatmeal, soya milk.
Lunch: home made bread, mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Plums, strawberry
Dinner: home made fish fingers and beans
Treats two hot frothy soya drinks with vanilla sugar in - yum.
LAM - nap in the afternoon.

jw · Post by jw » Sun Mar 09, 2014 2:18 am

A wonderful N day, followed by a wonderful S day -- Tessy, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't look back at less than perfect moments! You had a swim, a cake, a nap, and some quality time with your little granddaughter -- that's got the makings of a perfect S day!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Mar 09, 2014 10:18 pm

Thank you JW. Yes a good end to the week. I've had a quiet weekend. Almost casting around to see what treats I can have. Strange, now I am bring more particular it is making a difference. No cake this weekend. But I did have raspberry jam on my left over Yorkshire pudding. This is an old Yorkshire treat, and probably meaningless anywhere else in the world. For me it was divine and apart from having sugar in my frothy soya drinks it was my only treat this weekend.
Breakfast : fried bread, fried egg and mushrooms, mango and apple juice
Lunch: cheese, cucumber, celery, tomato and olives. Plum
Dinner: roast potatoes. Purple sprouting broccoli, peas and Yorkshire pudding. Followed by jam and left over Yorkshire pudding.
LAM: blissful time in the garden preparing for spring.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Mar 10, 2014 6:07 am

You sound like you had a great day with your granddaughter. How lucky she is to have you (and you her). Your food looks amazing as usual.

Here's to a great week!

Linda

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 10, 2014 2:23 pm

Those all sound like great S day events.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Mar 10, 2014 2:46 pm

Oh dear I thought |I could have a little thumb sized piece of marzipan each day at work - I was wrong

I am never really sure if it is better to have stuff around and try and resist it, so that you have a normal life like others with food. Or should I clear out anything dangerous in my room at work so that I cannot transgress? Who knows.
What I do know is that marzipan is the food of the gods but devilishly hard to resist, so I need to go back to pure vanilla - and of course i know this anyway! funny how easily we can be fooled by ourselves

So after a dreadful WTH morning, I now have to stay on new vanilla track for the afternoon - not something I have ever been very good at as I am a start again tomorrow type of a woman. But here goes, this is why I am posting after all - well that and all of the lovely people on the threads !!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:03 pm

I struggled for years trying to keep binge foods around. Then I read that Brian Wansink has shown pretty convincingly that most people will eat more when food is available.

It's also possible to eventually have food nearby and not eat it.

I vote for taking away the temptation until you have more experience.

I can tell you from reading these boards for 4 years that having a little hardly ever works!

jw · Post by jw » Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:32 pm

I don't keep food anywhere except in the kitchen -- and by the end of the weekend, the S's had better be gone. On the few occasions when I stocked up for a longer period, I had the same experience as you, Tessy. If it's there, I will eat it -- especially marzipan! Good to know that scientists have declared that normal -- thanks for the reference, oolala!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:49 pm

Hard for me to say but do whats going to be easiest for you to stick to NoS. That's the kindest thing to do I'd say.

As far making the rest of the day vanilla, I think you'll feel much better tomorrow if you can manage to do this. Even a little bit of practice is better than none. Every hour of practicing NoS will get you that much closer to mastering it. If your goal was to practice piano for an hour/day but one day you got busy and only had 20 mins to practice, you likely wouldn't say oh forget it! You'd still get in that 20 mins because it's still getting you a lil closer to mastering the piano, right?

Just do your best. That's all you can really ask of yourself!

Linda

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Mar 11, 2014 12:20 am

What a great way to talk about "practicing" NoS, Linda! That's great advice and insight into how we grow our habits.

Tessy, I don't keep any sweets around during the week that I really like. The kids have some of their after-dinner treats, but it's stuff I don't like, so it doesn't tempt me (thank God). And my husband's cravings are salty chips late at night, which also (thank God) doesn't tempt me. Now ice cream....watch out. I could literally (I have done this) eat nothing but ice cream for a couple days in a row.

And I'm glad I don't know what marzipan is.... I'm sure it would be my new favorite sweet.

chani8 · Post by **chani8** » Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:48 pm

I'm surrounded by yummy-but-forbidden-to-me foods and it is hard. Much easier to not have the goodies around, but that's not real life or fair to everyone else. And OTOH, sometimes I purposely ply my family with all the goodies I can't eat, and live/eat through them. lol

Marzipan I can pass on, but halva, omgosh. In fact, just give me a spoon and a jar of sesame spread (sugar free even!). Yum!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Jul 04, 2014 10:18 pm

I'm back been pretty unwell. Trying to get back into some kind of order. I need this accountability. My key thing. I must get a grip on my sugar eating. My aim. Just to get myself well and relaxed around food. I cannot bear to live under such food slavery. Why is it so hard. I don't know. But I am out in public posting again. So a sort of fresh start. My plan. NoS, 14mins exercise every day, cut down pain killers. Live life to the full (but not full of food)

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Jul 05, 2014 6:10 am

Tessy, willpower researchers have found that changing eating habits, especially decreasing food intake, is one of the hardest habits to change. The reasons are multiple. You are not alone. Personally, I think a person has to think that the eating plan is fair and reasonable. I would have to have a pretty bad disease before I would think that most diets are fair and reasonable. But I do think No S is fair. It is a tradeoff not being able to eat more often, as it might be fun to be relaxed and nibble, but I know it would ruin my appetite. And the tradeoff is that I it's my choice what to eat at my meals, though I can't eat a lot of junk or really rich food or I won't even get hungry for all my meals! Worth it. I do enjoy everything I eat.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Jul 05, 2014 11:24 pm

Thank you Oolala. As always wise and perceptive.
I am following Walkerlori and making one small change at a time. This is no sugar. Today went well. I shall snack and have seconds on Saturdays. But I really need to get a grip on my sugar eating. So only cake on Sundays for a month of so.
Today a success
Breakfast - nectarine and handful hazel nuts
Lunch - new potatoes out of the garden. Peas, new carrots and mushroom Yorkshire pudding.
Dinner nut butter on homemade whole meal bread. Strawberries and watermelon
Snacks - Lentil crisps

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Jul 06, 2014 4:12 pm

Hi Tessy!

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