![Smile :-)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
I liked it, and then later, found the podcast, but didn't even realize for a bit that she had been the author. Now I found a free Audible Original with her doing live counseling. I love it. Even when the relationships are extremely different than anything I'm familiar with, it's fun to see how the principles for healthy relationships remain constant and determine how/whether conflict will be resolved. What a brilliant idea, by the way, to record live counseling of identity-protected couples. An awesome tool for others to learn from.
Speaking of relationships.... ahem. Last night I messed up on two fronts. First, I yelled at Challenger12 for all the money he has been spending on Fortnite ($68 in October). He does extra chores to earn money, but I hadn't realized that he had been literally spending it all on that video game. I can't afford to pay him for chores like that, but that's not his fault. So I will have to apologize to him this morning. Grrr. That kid doesn't accept apologies without gleefully rubbing it in, so I will be eating crow more than I'd like.
And if that wasn't enough, then I lit into Sexy (after kids in bed) about not being strict enough with Challenger when he was little. It started when (once again) Sexy contended that Challenger is just the way he is -- all nature -- and that we couldn't have brought him up to be nicer. I disagree, although I agree that Challenger's temperament is uniquely independent, lol. The crux of my resentment is:
*Sexy always fought me down and would tell me to trust his judgement when he would go easy on Challenger.
*He even undermined me and told me my own approach to Challenger was what was causing the defiance/escalation, etc. when Challenger was about 7 and was getting really defiant.
*But then, when Challenger started treating Sexy the same way he had been treating me for years, Sexy started to resent and get angry at Challenger. It's like he doesn't apply the same generosity of expectation to Challenger now that he is an adolescent.
*So, ironically, I had been begging to be stricter with him for all those early years, and now I am arguing for more empathy for the kid.
*I don't like that Sexy thinks that Challenger is just a "bad" person. It's like this black and white painting of our wonderful (yet Challenging) kiddo.
*I would like acknowledgement that it was painful for me to have Sexy tell me to back off with discipline years ago, and then to have us move forward from here more on the same page for these teenage years.
Actually, after re-reading all of that, I don't think I owe Sexy an apology. I RARELY express any anger toward him (he feels attacked extremely easily), and I was just being honest and sharing my feelings. I didn't say anything ugly or mean. Just stuff he disagrees with, and also shared my hurt (which he just got defensive about and didn't acknowledge my hurt from years ago).
I think I will send him an email; he usually responds better to that and then I can craft my language in a non-attacky way.
But Creator9 and I had a great time trick-or-treating. And then we listened to Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place.
Speaking of Creator9, he has thrived with the gentler hand of Sexy. I am GLAD that Sexy encouraged me to back off with Creator. Just goes to show that all kids are different. Challenger needed a firmer hand, and now we have to figure out these adolescent years starting from a weaker position.
Thursday, November 1st!
127.8
NoSEating
B: coffee w/milk
L:(will be) yogurt w/berries, mixed nuts, carrots/celery
D:(will be) tuna salad (grilled cheese w/ tuna sandwiches for kids)
update: this meal was quite tasty! salad greens, onions, avocados, cheese, tuna fish, pickles, mayo.
NoSloth
walk/jog with dog
NoSpending
no plans - oh that reminds me that yesterday I bought a coffee impulsively because I was so frustrated with my students. I literally told them I needed a coffee to cheer me up and that I would be back in 5 minutes. It was a good decision because when I got back to the class, I was able to be upbeat and positive with them and try to reteach the material they were confused on.
RaisingReaders
I think we might finally be on chapter 11.