Sammy's Daily Check In

[Sammybunny711]

S DAY

W: 229 (still hovering)

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Steak n Shake Frisco Melt with cheese fries (so bad for me, but we have so much stress right now I don't care)

S: a little rice krispee treat and a packet of dried apple chips (no sugar added)

D: half a bowl of cheese tortellini with red sauce and shaved parmesan + red pepper flakes + 1 apple + 1 garlic knot + a shot of creamed spinach (Which I loathe, but I was trying to set a good example, lol)

A: 1 serving Honey Whiskey

This morning, we're heading to the house we're trying to buy to meet a painter, our contractor, and a hardscaper yo figure out estimates for all the work that must be done. I'm nervous as hell. I'm so scared it's all going to cost too much for us to take it on.

All the house stuff was...a LOT. We were there for HOURS going over all that needed to be done with a contractor, a painter, and a hardscaper (sounds like the set up for a joke). We're starting to think this might be too much to take on, but we'll have to see what the estimates are and also what the seller is willing to do price-wise. If we can get her down low enough, this could still work out.

We are putting our own house up for sale on Monday and that is WILD. There is a world in which this house sells and we're not in our next house yet. Thankfully, my mother in law with early-onset Alzheimer's is not living in her house anymore and we haven't sold hers yet. So worst comes to worst, we can live in her house for a bit, but it's in another city, so it would create a huge commute for us until we could get into the next house.

SO MUCH STRESS. And also...still family horribleness going on and work stuff heating up with spring semester rocketing toward graduation weekend (Which means I have lots of events to put on). I am...trying to listen to Disney music and just zone out right now.

[pinkhippie]

You have so much going on right now! I hope things calm down for you soon. I feel much the same as you, like Im not really ok, but I have to keep on going as there is no alternative.

I hope you were able to enjoy your S day and that the estimates were in your price range!

Do you get Spring Break? At my community college next week is Spring Break and everything calms down for a week.

[Sammybunny711]

Thanks, Pink. At my college where I work, only students and faculty get spring break, and it was a couple of weeks ago. But it was nice to have my building to myself then, haha. I wish I could take a solid month off work. But I can't. I'm sorry you feel like you're not okay. I DO understand and I empathize. I hope for everyone who's struggling, life calms down a bit.

So with the estimates, we won't get them until Wednesday most likely. Then we'll need to seriously look at a cost reduction on this place because it needs a TON of work. Like, a TON. It's a historic house built in the 1930s and the owner has done nothing to fix problems. Just slapped bandaid fixes on things. So... We have to make sure we cna afford to take it on, lol. Not an easy decision.

[Sammybunny711]

S DAY

W: 229.4

B/S: from scratch blueberry pancakes (3) + sugar free syrup

L/S: from scratch blueberry pancakes (3) + sugar free syrup + most of a banana

A: Seagrams Escapes drink (a single can)

S: A tiny amount of cookies and cream ice cream with my daughter

D/S: (I had seconds) 2 beef empanadas that my husband cooked, medium hot salsa + corn chips + spicy pickled okra + a bit of guacamole

S: air popped popcorn with flavoring oil with my husband while we watched an Akira Kurosawa film

Today, I'm feeling weak. I am exhausted. I am so tired. I wish I could follow intuitive and mindful Eating to lose my weight. But I know my boundaries around food are solid and necessary. I'm just feeling weak today and that's okay. Today, I don't have to like it. I just have to do it.

I am so tempted to go back to the Geneen Roth eating guidelines today. But I honestly think it's just that I want to EAT. I don't feel satisfied today. I want to eat everything in sight.

I ended up eating a whole lot today, but I didn't break rules and it feels good to be able to say that. Definitely had more Ses than usual, but I am happy with my choices and I know some days, you're just hungrier than others.

[Amy3010]

Well done on sticking to what you know you need to do, even if you really didn't feel like it!

[Sammybunny711]

N DAY

W: 229.2

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Chicago Dog Bowl: 2 beef hot dogs + white onion + pepperoncini peppers + bell peppers + pickles + relish + air fried potatoes + celery salt

Afternoon Snack: dill pickle chips, dill pickles, 1 beef stick

D:

Tentatively, we are putting our current home up for sale today. I'm so impatient, I just want to get it going. No word yet. Ahhhhhh. Yesterday was a more restful day and I'm so thankful. Today, I've tried to get some work done, but I am BEAT still. I'm so tired.

I have definitively changed my goal weight to 140. After scouring photos of myself at that weight, good enough is GOOD ENOUGH. I don't have to weigh what I weighed when we got married (125) to be successful with my weight loss journey. Getting down to 140 would STILL be a weight loss of 102.4 pounds which is THOROUGHLY difficult enough in its own right. I am not going to give up. I'm going to start being MUCH stricter about my meals at home. They should be down to 1 plate or 1 bowl + a bowl of veggies/fruit. I've been lax on that requirement for sure.

So tired. OMG. I just want to go home and do nothing. But daughter has gymnastics tonight. At least during gymnastics, I have an hour to sit and do whatever I want.

I've been dealing with binge urges for three days, so I reached out to my dietitian for help. She recommended I allow an afternoon snack on days I'm experiencing lots of binge urges and food noise. I agreed with her, so my new food boundaries look like this:

1) N Days - I eat 3 meals + 1 snack if needed
2) S Days - I can enjoy S treats as long as I'm with family or friends
3) I can only eat fast food if I'm with at least 1 other adult
4) At home, I eat according to the Healthy Plate

So really the only thing that changed was what N days look like. This is a hard rule for me to shift, because I want so desperately to lose weight. But shutting up food noise and being sane around food is ALWAYS my top priority. So I'm going to go for this and report to my dietitian on April 6th how it's going.