zoolina's recommitment page

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

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zoolina
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zoolina's recommitment page

Post by zoolina » Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:25 am

After a couple of weeks of cascading failures. I feel ready to recommit.

Yesterday (Day 1) was a success.

Building good habits is important to me. Being able to see a row of "successes" is so fantastic. I mean, I would love to whittle my middle down to my pre-baby pre-injury weight, but if that doesn't happen I think I can be content just to maintain for the rest of my life. After all, I look pretty good right now, right during. And I'm sick and tired about obsessing about where I want to be later.

Here is where I am now, and today has been a success so far.

Cheers! Zoolina.

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Post by zoolina » Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:57 pm

Day 2 success

and while I'm gloating about being during and not before or later, let me just say some things I never say about myself: I'm strong and beautiful and important and interesting. And, gosh darn it, I'm a success no matter what I eat.

Z.

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Post by pangelsue » Sat Mar 03, 2007 2:41 pm

Woo hoo!!! I like you just the way you are too.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Hey Zoolina!

Post by jent » Mon Mar 05, 2007 3:36 pm

Hi Zoolina! Your positive thinking is infectious - Thanks for a great post!

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Post by zoolina » Fri Mar 09, 2007 8:02 am

Been sick recently. Here's the updates:

S day
Success
Success
Sick (success)

Sick
Success with some funny stuff
S day

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Post by reinhard » Fri Mar 09, 2007 8:07 pm

Best wishes this round! Great attitude. Hope you're fully recovered.

Reinhard

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Post by pangelsue » Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:56 am

Way to string those successes together, woman. I am impressed and so happy for you.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Post by zoolina » Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:11 am

Still incredibly busy so this will be telegraphic:

S day
success
failure
special day
success[/color]

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Post by zoolina » Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:48 pm

Tons of travelling, wacky eating hours, overload at work.

I haven't even been keeping track lately, which means that I've probably racked up a bit of red, though there have been quite a few sucesses there too.

Life calms down on Monday, soooo... back to hard core moderation.

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Post by FarmerHal » Thu Mar 22, 2007 5:24 pm

Sounds like you've been a very busy body lately! I hope things settle down for you.

:)
{FarmerHal} ...previously Shamrockmommy...
Vanilla NoS... Making good habits.
Restart 12/2015, size 22
3/2016 size 18
1/2018 size 18

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Post by zoolina » Mon Mar 26, 2007 9:20 am

This isn't really day 2 but I'm going to start the counting over just because this is the first time in ages that I've had time to think about anything other than family work family work.

This is the time to really do it, not accept failures of spirit (ok, if I crash or scheduling makes patterned eating impossible, I'm not going to beat myself up over the red, but it's time for zero tolerance for the "oh, it isn't going to kill me to have this X this one time" attitude. No means NO after all.

So, Day 1: Success

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Post by zoolina » Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:53 am

This isn't working out. I can't seem to build habit around the no snacking rule. Part of it is willpower, but part is a weird schedule combined with blood sugar issues. And every time I have a failure around snacking, two things happen: 1) I feel guilty and hopeless, like a failure. 2) I say, oh well, I had a failure so I'll just capitalize on it and have sugar too.

Both are very unhealthy, weak responses, but look: I just think I'm biting off too many habits at a time. For now I want to stick to, and really get into absolute habit mode, the things I know I can do unfailingly.

So here's my chocolate version of No-S:
No empty calories (sugar, salty snacks, alcohol)
No seconds
No eating after dinner


I also want to post my current weight, because I know I'd feel better if I could just lose those last few pounds and I'm hoping that seeing my goal (and hopefully seeing myself get closer to it) will provide some additional inspiration to really get control of my eating habits. Right now I'm 137. According to the charts, my ideal weight should be 122, but anywhere in the 120s would satisfy me.

So far, 3 days of success.

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Post by zoolina » Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:41 pm

Day 4 S day

I feel a lot of relief that I've given up the no snacking rule. Time will tell if it means too many calories, but I really feel that I can be successful with my new plan--if not sucessful in losing weight, at least sucessful in building a long term habit.

But I've already gotten into a quandry about the gooyness of the phrase "no empty calories." I need to be absolutely sure what I mean, because there's a lot more good stuff in dark chocolate and red wine than french bread, but I put the former in the empty calorie catagory (because of the sugar) and the latter into the ok catagory because it seems like real food.

So, for me, the empty calorie rule means no sugar, no salty snack food (chippy crispy nibbly stuff) and no alcohol. Other things that are sort of borderline have to be ok, because otherwise I'll be second guessing myself all the time.

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Post by pangelsue » Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:18 am

I agree with the salty, sugary snacks. They are too hard to control. Keeping them under 100 calories helps too. I am happy to see you are taking control and learning to love how you are choosing to live. Afterall, we will never stick with what we hate or what we know we can't sustain. You will get there.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Post by zoolina » Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:38 am

Thanks, Panglesue!

"Chocolate" No-S is still a relief, but I know I snacked a bit too heavily yesterday. On the other hand, it was hard to shut down after dinner, but I did it! We also had guests over, and I almost had some chips with dinner, unthinkingly, but I held myself back. I know these seem like tiny victories, but I feel like at last I have rules I can live with. And at least I know that if I overeat it's on healthy food instead of junk.

Day 5 Sucess

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Post by pangelsue » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:37 am

Sounds like you are starting to own it. Small victories are the only kind. The only large victory is when it isn't learning anymore, it is habit.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Post by zoolina » Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:10 pm

Panglesue-- exactly!

I think the reason I've been struggling with No-S in the past 6 weeks is that the novelty wore off but the habit wasn't firmly enough there to take me on to auto pilot. So with my "chocolate" version I'm committed to establishing firm core habits. I really, really hope that later, when the work is done here I can go back to focusing on three meals a day. But I don't know--even after struggling for 5 months--it just doesn't feel like a natural way to eat-- the mini-meal plan is so ingraned.

What I have to get through my head is that I don't have to be the weight I was when I was younger. Sure it would be great to look good in a bikini again, but I have maintained this weight (give or take 5 lbs) for 7 years. What's the big deal about a little flab? I've had babies, for crying out loud. So I've got a tummy and some extra love handles on the thighs. I mean, really, I'm healthy and all. And with my "no empty calorie" rule I will stay healthy, even if I don't lose my tummy.

And by the way, even when I was fit as a fish back in my teens, I still didn't look good in a bikini. There's no way on earth that I will ever look good in a bikini, so why hold that up as a goal to be strived for?

But why oh why is "pretty good" not good enough for me? Why do I have to label myself weak or lazy when I can't be as disciplined as others? Sctatch that-- when I *choose* not to be as disciplined as others? And why do I feel bad that I'm not following Reinhard's plan to a T when it's MY life?

I am so sick and tired about obsessing about food, being compulsive about food. There's so much gravity there. What I'd like to do is go to the moon and stuff all my bad habits into a soccer ball and kick it into outer space. They can circle and circle and eventually burn up in some atmosphere. I just don't want to be a slave to
1) worrying about what I eat
2) Worrying about what I look like
3) Feeling the compulsion to eat to ease my boredom, anger or suffering
4) the coffee habit
5) the worry habit
6) the fear of connecting with others


What I want to be a slave to:
1) the feeling of joy
2) trees, small at the timberline
3) art projects, with my kids or alone
4) the tenderness of words
5) good stories
6) friendships (oh--but just thinking about that is so scary)???

Anyway, Day 6 Success

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Post by pangelsue » Tue Apr 03, 2007 4:38 am

I liked Day 6 a lot, Zoolina. I think you are on the verge of something great. You are taking possession of your life, warts and all. Congratulations. The decisions from here on will be your own. Reinhard had a good idea. He shared it with all of us for free. How awesome is that!! Now we can take that idea and make it our own. No two people do anything exactly the same. I think those of us here who are dealing with some extra baggage, like anxiety, depression, anger, fear, bad childhood etc., are battling more than food. We cover up with food. We can and will get there. It might just take us a little longer and we might have to take a slightly curving route. Don't ever call it weak or lazy. When a child learns to walk, it is a lot of work. We're going back to delve into habits we learned as children and we are trying to unravel the knots. That is brave and ambitious. We make the mistake of thinking it will just happen zip, zip. Time, time, time. We have lots of it. Go for the whole journey. You can do it.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Post by zoolina » Wed Apr 04, 2007 7:52 am

Panglesue, what a wonderful post. It would be lovely, indeed, to be on the verge of something better. Maybe all of this has to do with being over 40, giving up the image of myself as a desirable female (not many guys lookin' these days) and settling in to just being me "warts and all".

Anyway: day 7 Success

I think what makes chocolate no-s doable is that the fence building is easier. The boundaries are so strict between what I will and wont eat on N days. I know the law. With "no snacks" there was always something (crashing during my bike ride home, eating lunch too early on some days and not being able to make it to dinner, etc.) making me second guess the habit. The law was too complicated to build an easy fence around and so I was always deciding where I should put it, and it ended up being more or less no place and everyplace. then everything was ok but also made me feel guilty.

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Post by zoolina » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:56 am

Day 8 Success

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Post by zoolina » Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:26 pm

Easter gave the term "chocolate No-S" a whole new meaning.

Day 9 Sucess
Day 10 S day
Day 11 S day
Day 12 Special day Easter
Day 13 Special day 2 birthdays in the family
Day 14 Sucess, back to normal, thank you very much.

Definitely ate too much, and on Easter I was downright idiotic. I mean stupid, binging, weird emotional eating with an edge. Thank goodness it was an S day, but jeeeze (no pun intended)

With a post holiday tightness in the jeans, I immediately think about tweeking my program, going back to vanilla no-S where the losses would be faster if I really did it every day. But I just don't trust my will power there. I have to keep recommitting to my minimal (but absolute level of) complience: No empty calories and no eating after dinner every single N day. When I reach day 50 (arbitrary but beautifully dramatic number) days on track with chocolate No S then I will add a monthly resolution. And honestly, I can't wait to do so.

Z.

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Post by zoolina » Thu Apr 12, 2007 7:12 am

Day 15 Success
I've been thinking about the recent "diets don't work"post and about what it means to lose, to be losing weight. I remember starting to diet when I was 13. I was hardly heavy, but all of a sudden it was good to be in the process of losing. To be thin wasn't really the goal at all.

What a strange construction. As long as I subscribe to it, I will never be satisfied, never feel sucessful. Maybe a better way to think of weight is as a range. Here I am at the top of the range, but still where I often am. Sometimes I am thinner (though I do have to diet to get there). Maybe a yo yo of 5-7 lbs is not such a big deal. Maybe it is normal. Maybe I should just get over the idea that I need to be thin(er) all the time and just accept that sometimes I gain weight and then I need to exercise a bit more restraint to lose it and that I will probably gain it back slowly over time and that's ok. But not to expect to lose down to some skinny ideal. My weight range is my own, so to speak. If I can't fit my pants: be austere. If I can, just let go of the diet mentality all together and stick to the simple rules for healthy eating that I set for myself.

I don't know, all this dieting, thinking about diet is so time confusing and perhaps so needless. But it's still a knee jerk reaction to obsess, to want to be losing all the time

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Post by MerryKat » Thu Apr 12, 2007 9:06 am

Congrats on your wonderful attitude. I am also working towards loving me here and now while using No S.
Hugs from Sunny South Africa
Vanilla No S with no Sugar due to Health issues - 11 yrs No S - September 2016 (some good, some bad (my own doing) but always the right thing for me!)

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Post by zoolina » Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:49 am

Thanks, Merry Kat. Self acceptance is sooooo darn hard. (Went shopping yesterday and why oh why do they put those cellulite enhancing spotlights in the dressing rooms? I swear, I never have such a bad self image as I do when shopping for clothes. That *can't* be good for sales....

Day 16 success

Today is an S day. What is weird is that I didn't want any snacks or sweets, but I bought some at the store, anyway, because I felt a strange compulsion to indulge because I could. That's so weird; why would I feel that way?? Well, I had some snack foods anyway, and now I'm done (I think) for the day. Kind of a relief. Hmmmm

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Post by zoolina » Sat Apr 14, 2007 3:02 pm

day 17 S day
Day 18 S day

Not too essy for S days, but I just can't seem to stop nibbling. Lots of fruit and healthy stuff, but I still feel out of control. Weirdly, I feel most out of control because I stepped on the scale and have gained a couple of pounds. Probably that time of the month, but just seeing the higher number makes me hungry. Never weigh during pms (oh, of course, *that's* why I'm so nibbly--duh!)

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Post by zoolina » Sun Apr 15, 2007 6:03 pm

Day 19 Success

Am concentrating on getting in touch with my appitite. Trying to eat only when I'm really ready and trying to stop when full, even if there's more on the plate. Clearly, this would be the ideal way to eat except that mealtimes with others is so nice and so important. What do you do if you're not hungry at dinner time? What if you're out of synch with others on a particular day? But in any case, as an exercise, especially since I battle the compulsive emotional eating demon, it seems a good idea to try this during the day, especially since I'm allowing myself snacks now. And what I"ve found is that not eating everything on my plate doesn't necessarily mean that I get hungrier faster. At least not today. I think I ended up eating less than on a successful vannila No S day.


Sugar cravings were bad today, after the weekend.

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Post by zoolina » Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:30 am

Day 19 Success

As an experiment, I tried to only eat when I was good and hungry yesterday, and to stop when I was full, even if there was food left on my plate. Ended up eating a lot less, but lukily I did get hungry at meal times.

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Post by zoolina » Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:59 am

Day 20 Success
Day 21 Sick/failure? Kept to the letter, but not exactly the spirit of the law. I'm not going to start recounting, but...

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Post by zoolina » Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:13 am

Day 22 Success

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Post by zoolina » Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:23 pm

Day 23 S day
Day 24 S day

sick sick sick Funny: I can't stop eating because I can't taste anything. I eat and feel like I haven't eaten yet.

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Post by zoolina » Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:02 pm

Day 25 success
Day 26 Failure
I put together a party for a coworker that was leaving. Got all kinds of sugary things I knew she liked and yep, I indulged. My god, it doesn't take a lot of sugar to wig me out anymore.

Good news: I've lost weight since I gave up no snacking. Go figure. I think it helps to know that I can eat when I want and then I don't try to stuff myself silly to bridge a 6-7 hour gap.

Day 1 Success

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Post by zoolina » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:40 am

Day 2 Success

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Post by mimi » Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:43 am

Every success is a step in the right direction! You can do it!
mimi
Discovered NoS: April 16, 2007
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!

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Post by zoolina » Sat Apr 28, 2007 12:15 pm

Weight 134.8 on April 28
Goal: 134 by May 26


Day 3 Success
Day 4 S day

S day was a bit over the top. Have been fighting the urge to binge and since it was an S day, well.... Why is it so hard just to be normal around food? I'm not talking about habit here, I'm talking about the inclination to use food as a drug, mommy's little helper. Grrrr.

In my effort to kick the habit of food as a drug, here is my monthly resolution:
No eating in front of the computer, tv, or a book this month. this will be hard.

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Post by zoolina » Sun Apr 29, 2007 4:47 pm

Day 5 S day
Day 6 Success

Day 1 Monthly resolution: success.

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Post by pangelsue » Mon Apr 30, 2007 3:16 am

Zoolina, I loved reading your last couple of weeks posts. You are being so real and honest with yourself and your humanity. Ever see one of those editions of the National Inquiror where they catch Hollywood hotties looking not so hot? That is how they really look. When they look in the mirror in dressing rooms, they see cellulite too. It is air brushed out of the movies. They use haze filters when they are on camera and they have an army of make up artists working on them before a camera ever sees them. Then the lights come down, the make up comes off and they let their stomachs relax. And guess what? They are you and me. I think you are learning to like yourself just like you are. So am I. Maybe when we really really like ourselves, we will find it easier to be kind to ourselves and do nice things for ourselves instead of punishing ourselves for ever perceived fault.
I like where you are going. Enjoy the ride.
A lot of growing up happens between "it fell" and "I dropped it."

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Post by zoolina » Sun May 06, 2007 2:52 pm

Oh Woe!

There's something gnawing at me and I don't know what it is. I feel the urge, constantly, to numb myself with food. To sit in front of the tv and gorge. This is not hunger, but the impulse is so strong that I've caved in a couple of times.

It seems clear to me that I need another kind of nourisment-- but what? I can't even blame stress because life just isn't that stressful right now (Ok I was sick for like 3 weeks in a row, but that's not traditionally something that sets off a binge). Maybe it's lack of stress, finding myself not working too hard and then wondering what's left of me after the work stops??

In any case this is driving me crazy. I want to get rid of this monkey on my back.

Way's I use food other than to keep the machine running:
To bandaid stress, andger or boredom
To reward myself or others
To prevent being hungry later
To fill in the transitions between doing X and doing Y
To show love and to accept "love"
To be obedient (eg eating the 4 oçlock snack at the in-laws, even if I don't like it and am not hungry anyway)
To be social, to go along with the pack
Because I always eat snacks in the movies

If creating a new habit has to do with replacing one behavior for another, what can I possibly do to change all these behaviors? Ok--start with the most urgent, the most appalling use of food: the binge bandaid. Is it enought to say: I'm just not going to do that anymore, or is there a plan I could make? When I want to binge do X instead? What would X be?

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Post by zoolina » Fri May 11, 2007 8:14 am

Week 1

No eating in front of the tv, computer, book or magazine.
No empty calories
No eating after dinner

Success

oh- one slip up: ate a tiny snack after dinner one day when I was famished.

and--started eating in front of the computer out of habit, stopped myself mid way.

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Post by zoolina » Tue May 15, 2007 2:53 pm

(May 14): Failure

hadn't eaten much all day and I just got the nibbles after dinner. Couldn't resist nibbling.

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Post by zoolina » Thu May 24, 2007 11:52 am

April 24: 134.8
May 24: 134
GOAL: June 24: 133

A successful and relatively easy week. Have had a few times when I ate lunch in front of the computer at lunch, but have stopped eating in front of the tv altogether.

Still have to remind myself several times a day not to eat sweets. Maybe the impulse will never go away?

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Post by zoolina » Fri May 25, 2007 2:57 pm

May 25 Failure

Ate in front of the tv AND had a midnight snack after coming home from seeing some music . And I was feeling so sanctimonious yesterday.

Ok, here I go again: refresher, zoo:
No empty calories
No eating after dinner
No eating in front of the tv or computer.
except on S days, sometimes.

.

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Post by zoolina » Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:31 pm

This is beginning to sound like a 'fess up page. Negative tracking just feels too negative. I'm going back to the daily check ins.

I hope to make June a perfect month.

June 1+2: S days

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